By Zephyria 
Yoon Ki-beom had a dream for the first time in a long while, a dream from the time when he wasn’t Yoon Ki-beom. It must have been because he saw Yoon Ki-beom’s apparition at the bus terminal earlier.
The dream arbitrarily showed him around the age of ten, then suddenly seventeen, and then eight again, and so on.
There were countless characters. Sometimes famous comedians or gagmen appeared as acquaintances. Even while thinking it was truly absurd, he was happy to see them.
When the happiest times came, a smile naturally spread across his face. He wanted to hold onto them longer, so he clenched his fist without realizing it, hoping that he could stay in those times a little longer.
For the the child, those ten years spent with his Pastor Father and Pastor’s wife Mother were truly precious. Abandoned without a name, the the child who received a new name from the Pastor had a happy childhood. Others pointed fingers at him, calling him an orphan, and he wore clothes and shoes that others had worn, and he was always hungry because he didn’t eat well, but he was genuinely happy.
‘Hey. Mother is Mother, what’s this Pastor’s wife Mother? Are you going to keep calling me that?’
Mother scolded him.
The the child, who had called her Mother just fine until he entered Elementary school, began calling her Pastor’s wife from the third grade.
It was because of his homeroom teacher, a devout Christian and deacon of Onjeong Church. The homeroom teacher scolded him every time he saw him, saying, “How dare an orphan call the Pastor’s wife Mother?” and sometimes even hit him. Mother, unaware of this, scolded him every time he added “Pastor’s wife” before Mother.
He couldn’t possibly say that it was because the homeroom teacher told him to. The orphans of Onjeong Church, who were the Pastor’s sons and daughters, each had their own worries, but they never confided them to the Pastor or Pastor’s wife.
Out of gratitude and thankfulness, they dared not speak of it. The the child was one of them. He quietly endured Pastor’s wife’s scolding.
‘Since you added Pastor’s wife, you have to be punished.’
Mother said in a stern tone.
‘Yes.’
The the child, disheartened, replied gloomily.
‘Let’s see, okay. Sing
When the the child looked up with wide eyes at those words, Mother smiled kindly. ‘Hurry,’ she urged.
‘Yes!’
The the child, whose voice hadn’t even broken yet, imitated Seo Yu-seok’s voice similarly, and Mother clapped her hands, amazed.
‘How can you imitate so well? Our Kang-woo should become a movie star later.’
Mother said this and stroked the the child’s head.
Kang-woo. Yes, he had such a name.
The Pastor gave the name Kang-woo to the newborn baby found on a day when heavy rain was pouring down, and he built a strong home. The the child truly liked his name.
Kang-woo, Shim Kang-woo.
He often put his hand on his chest, thinking that it sounded similar to “heart.”
Thump-thump. The small heart always beat fast.
When he lived only by that name, there was nothing in the world to envy. It might not be plausible to say that an orphan had nothing to envy, but the the child sincerely thought so. We were happy until the Pastor became entangled with an orphanage official and gained the disgrace of illegally selling children, and was even imprisoned.
Yes, we. Me and my siblings. God’s children. Chosen children. The Pastor didn’t teach us that we were orphans, but said that we were children chosen by God. Precious children.
But after the Pastor disappeared, and Pastor’s wife couldn’t handle twelve orphans alone, we scattered.
My siblings and I parted ways without knowing where each other were going. I thought we would never meet again.
Ten years, it was a very long happiness to enjoy, considering we were orphans.
If only the Pastor hadn’t met that woman.
If only the Pastor hadn’t met that beautiful noblewoman, the the child and his siblings would not have parted ways like that. The responsible Pastor and Pastor’s wife would have raised the children in their arms no matter what.
Even knowing it was a dream, he sighed.
Father, why did you meet that woman?
Why did you succumb to the devil’s temptation?
The Father’s church, which he had built with all his effort for over ten years, was handed over to someone else in an instant. The orphans scattered.
The the child was directly chosen by the noblewoman and moved to Ansan. It was called Galilla Orphanage. Because of the name, he thought that the noblewoman, like the Pastor, believed in and followed God. The the child didn’t know that it was just a nominal name, chosen on purpose to get more donations and contributions.
The noblewoman had three children around the the child’s age. The the child had only seen those children once. The children, wearing pretty and clean clothes, opened the car window inside a luxury car and watched them as if watching monkeys at the zoo.
Even though the the child was far away, those children covered their noses.
‘Ew, it stinks. Mommy, they smell. Ugh. Disgusting.’
When the boy said that, the noblewoman, who was now called the Director, said to the child.
‘Right? It smells and it’s dirty, right? So listen to Mommy from now on. Otherwise, I’ll make you live there too!’
The Director scolded in a firm voice. Then the child was very dejected and said, ‘Yes, Mommy. I won’t be fussy anymore.’
‘You’ll get along well with your siblings, right?’
‘Yes. Mommy.’
‘Good. My son is good.’
That child, the Director’s son who was about the same age as the the child, became a good son just by getting along well with his siblings and not being fussy. He could ride in a luxury car and wear pretty and clean clothes.
The Director looked down at her children with affectionate eyes.
‘Driver Kim, you can go now. It’s not good for our children’s emotions if we stay here for too long.’
She saw off her children with a smile that she never showed us. So, she had deliberately brought her son here, to this place, to scold him.
The the child was very disappointed in the Director that day. He knew that the Director didn’t usually have affection for them. Still, he thought she was a good person because she didn’t hit or scold them like the Assistant Director, but he was wrong.
The reason the the child smelled and was dirty was because she didn’t give him a bath or give him clothes to change into. The Director only put on new clothes and gave them baths when sponsors came. She only called them “my children” when people came from outside. In fact, she didn’t even know their names, and she always called them “that girl” or “that bastard,” but she lied, saying, “They are more beautiful than my own children.”
As he got older, the the child hated the Director. As he matured and learned about the world of adults, the the child finally understood why Pastor’s wife Mother sprinkled salt after that woman left. Someone said that our Pastor Father went to jail because of the Director, but the the child didn’t believe it. He thought she was a good person. He thought so because she was pretty and kind and gave expensive gifts. He believed her when she cried in front of Pastor’s wife Mother, saying that he almost went to jail too, and that someone was slandering us.
But it was all a lie. The Director was the slanderer. She was the devil who framed the Pastor. Because of that woman, Pastor Father went to jail, Pastor’s wife Mother got sick, and we, my siblings, were separated.
Belatedly, the the child was angry, but he couldn’t express it, and he didn’t know how. This place was different from where he lived with the Pastor.
Even if he did nothing, a slap would fly, and even if he did something, a slap would fly. The Assistant Director, who told him to call him Dad, was the main culprit of the violence. On days when the Assistant Director was violent, he was also beaten by his older brothers and sisters. Unlike the older brothers and sisters who were always kind and took care of their younger siblings at the church, the older brothers and sisters here were as bad as the Assistant Director.
The the child was always crouching. He held his breath and hardly spoke to avoid being noticed. He endured even when he was hungry, endured even when his clothes were dirty, and didn’t complain even when his body was itchy. That way, he would be hit less, and that way, he felt like he could survive.
The the child thought the Director was worse than the Head Nurse. At least the Head Nurse knew the children’s names, knew their ranks, and gave them shots and medicine when they were sick, but the Director didn’t care at all. How much per head, the Director calculated the children in terms of money.
The Director’s Husband was a sociology professor at a top university. He didn’t want to know, but he knew because the Director recorded her husband’s TV program and showed it to the residents. The professor at the top university gave an interview on the topic of “The Present and Future of the childcare Facilities in Our Country.” He had never even been to Galilla, where his wife was the Director, but he babbled nonsense as if he knew a lot about childcare facilities.
Woof woof. Yoon Ki-beom barked. The older brothers and sisters sitting around him snickered. The Director’s face turned red and blue.
The the child was anxious that they would be harmed by this. It was always the Rank 1 and Rank 2 older brothers and sisters who caused trouble, but the rest were the ones who got beaten and scolded.
In the laughter-filled auditorium, the professor was speaking.
‘We intellectuals are the ones who must realize the spirit of noblesse oblige.’
Noblesse oblige, he said.
The professor, explaining the meaning, looked arrogant.
The the child remembered those words the longest. It was what the Director said every time in front of donors and sponsors, but now he knew the real meaning. Once he knew it, he could never forget it.
Woof woof. It was the biggest load of bullshit.
Those who came to the orphanage, the so-called self-proclaimed nobles, wanted orphans to remain orphans, the poor to remain poor, and the sick to remain sick. They didn’t want to see the poor become rich, they didn’t want the sick to get better, and they didn’t allow orphans to think of themselves as the same as their own children.
Above all, they were people who were very far from morality. They were dirty and filthy. Especially those people who participated in Special Activities were worse than the filth in a garbage can.
Tsk tsk. In the dream, the the child clicked his tongue.
The Director alone pretended to be a noblewoman on the outside, but she was more vulgar than anyone else. The Director called the girls wombs. She compared them to hens and openly mocked them, saying “Cluck cluck.” The boys were little dicks. She always called them little dicks, horny bastards. Even though she was the one who made them horny, she denigrated them in that way.
The Director had the Assistant Director and the Head Nurse feed the residents pig stimulants. Boys and girls alike, without exception, were fed them more regularly than rice. When they ate that, even normal kids went crazy.
The the child also went crazy. He pretended not to remember what he had done, even though he remembered. He did so because he was ashamed and didn’t want to believe it.
The kids who went to Special Activities ate other things too, and they said it made them feel even better. They said that with that, there was nothing to fear in the world. The the child also wanted to go to Special Activities someday and take that medicine. He wanted to forget the pain and shame. He said that the medicine had that effect, strangely enough.
As he got older, the the child’s friends became pregnant. The girls, who were the the child’s girlfriends or just friends, disappeared without a word. Then they would return after 10 months, or they would never return. Someone said that someone died, someone said that someone was adopted, and someone said that someone ran away. Some were true, and some were false.
There were three Kang-woo in the orphanage. The the child was Rank 3 Kang-woo, shortened to 3 Kang. Rank 1 Kang-woo was 1 Kang, and Rank 5 Kang-woo was 5 Kang. The rank was attached to the front of the name in this way. Not only the the child, but everyone was like that. Even though they clearly had surnames, they were called by their rank instead of their surnames.
Rank 3 Kang-woo ran to the Assistant Director Father when he called “Yes.” He was a person who couldn’t be pleased, so he only tried not to get hit.
Even just taking the aphrodisiac and shoving his cock into Father’s ass earned him pocket money. The day after being waterboarded, he got to eat something delicious and received new shoes and new clothes. He even went to high school.
Dates. Father called them dates. In a warehouse where no one ever came, the boy repeated the act of fucking while Father beat him, all the while using the sweet name of “date.”
The boy hated dates. But the rewards that followed were so great that he pretended to like them. Everyone did. Unlike the children participating in Special Activities, the children who went on dates with Father never bragged. Who would brag about being waterboarded? Who could say they fucked because they were told to, only to be beaten to near death after cumming?
Special Activities were important activities supported by the director, the assistant director, and the doctor, whereas dates with Father were secret acts that everyone tried to hide.
Are we beef?
Someone interrupted the boy’s thoughts.
Crazy bastard. Beef is expensive. We’re pork.
Pork that takes pig aphrodisiacs.
Everyone snickered.
The boy laughed along.
The orphanage children willingly called themselves pigs and called the orphanage Galilla Zoo.
“Welcome. To Galilla Zoo.”
The boy said, imitating the emcee of a circus he had seen once, introducing the animals.
I’m a monkey, you’re a bear, that kid is a lion, that kid is a tiger. There were also ants.
Ants are insects. Idiot.
Everyone burst into laughter.
It was rare for the children to laugh together, so the boy remembered that day very clearly.
Ants are insects.
The boy muttered.
Rank 1 Kang-woo graduated from the orphanage the year Rank 3 Kang-woo became a high school freshman. The director emphasized that it wasn’t leaving, but graduating. No one had any information about the Hyung and Noona who had graduated. But since none of the children were good at studying, it was certain that they hadn’t gotten jobs at decent companies or gone to college.
No one in high school was good at studying. The reason was obvious. The girls often got pregnant and dropped out of school, and the boys were so soaked in aphrodisiacs that they lost their concentration. They either slept or fought at school.
The boy was the same. He was always hazy. He was tormented by lust every night, so he was like a corpse at school.
He really wanted to learn, he wanted to learn and become a great person, but unlike his will, his mental and physical strength couldn’t keep up. No, the boy blamed himself for being lazy. Getting addicted. As Father said, the boy was addicted, wasn’t good at anything, and was just an orphan who knew how to play with his cock. An animal without roots, not even knowing who his Mother and Father were.
Orphan.
It was only when he was nineteen that the boy felt the word was deeply sad. On the bus back to the zoo, the boy desperately wanted to become a person.
He missed Pastor Father. He wanted to see Pastor’s wife Mother. He wanted to return to the warm embrace of God.
“Father. Mother.”
Ki-beom cried in his dream.
Chapter 177