By Zephyria 
It’s unfair.
Aska can find me no matter where I am, but I can’t do the same. Even if he deliberately hides and never shows up again, there’s nothing I can do.
As a last resort, will he appear if I injure myself with a knife?
“……”
The fact that I can only find Aska through such a method feels somehow pathetic.
I slowly scanned the empty room and closed my dry eyes.
No matter how much I call, Pipi doesn’t answer either. I don’t know if she’s really gone far away, or if Aska told her not to answer.
How long has it been since I felt this suffocated? I’d rather be in pain. I’d rather be on the verge of death than worry about where he’s hiding.
“Where have you been?”
I couldn’t find Aska, so I came to see Mahir first. He went out to bring Aska, but suddenly disappeared, so Mahir must have been worried. No, maybe it was anxiety, not worry…
“Aska wasn’t feeling well, so I couldn’t bring him right away.”
I expected to be scolded, but Mahir was surprisingly quiet. He stared at me for a moment, then nodded.
“It’s not that urgent, so it’s okay. Shall I call the Royal Physician?”
“No, it’ll be better if I just rest.”
“Tell the Servant if you need anything. If you’re uncomfortable, you can go out and find a separate residence.”
He sounded like he was being very considerate. Did he notice that I wasn’t in a good mood?
“After all, this place has bad memories. Take good care of yourself. Go now.”
“……”
Mahir patted my shoulder a couple of times. For some reason, I felt a surge of anger, and I moved my lips before letting out a sigh. I wanted to go, but I couldn’t. I don’t even know where he is. He gets so angry when I get mad that I can’t ask him anything.
I plopped down on the plush sofa and put my legs up. I leaned my head against the armrest and lay down without any decorum, but Mahir didn’t nag.
I quietly closed my eyes and recalled what Aska had said to me.
Like a leech, like a parasite. Living off you.
“……”
Thinking about it, my heart started racing like crazy again. Has he been thinking that all along? While drinking my blood? I swear I’ve never thought of Aska that way. On the contrary, I felt good thinking that he would have a hard time surviving without my blood.
Is he comparing himself to the fact that I’m sucking his life force like a leech? It’s ridiculous. How can giving a little blood be compared to tearing out a heart?
“Ha.”
Does Aska think I felt like he was a leech? So he thinks I used the word leech in this situation? Just imagining it makes my heart ache. That’s not what I meant. Why is he hurting himself like a fool?
“Ha……”
I tossed and turned before turning to face the back of the sofa.
Where on earth did Aska go? I guess it was all a lie that he wasn’t sick? How can he not be in pain when he’s so injured? The answer came from the fact that he was hiding it from me.
If he was really okay, he would have shown it off proudly, so why is he hiding it? Besides, Pipi always said that Aska is always in an emergency situation, so he’s definitely not okay.
It’s a priority to have a conversation about what to do quickly, but I can’t see him, so my head is about to explode.
What happens if there’s no solution for his heart? Does Aska have to live like that forever? And me too? Isn’t there another way? There might be something to replace it, even if it’s not Aska’s.
It seems that surgical operations were greatly developed in ancient times, so there must be a way to fix my body. I should go back to the Rollai Mountains and look at the books in the Ruins.
There must be clues in the memories that occasionally come to mind.
“Brother, you decided to get all the data related to the princess from the King of Calderia, right? Whether it’s black magic or something. When are they giving it to you?”
Isn’t there something useful there too?
“As soon as it’s ready. Why?”
“I want to see it too.”
“It’s confidential.”
“What?”
I was so surprised that I raised my upper body. Mahir didn’t take his eyes off the documents and said.
“I’ll check it first, and if there’s anything you can see, I’ll let you know separately.”
“What are you talking about? It’s related to Aska, why can’t I see it?”
“It’s not just about Aska. Information related to Magical creatures is originally top secret.”
I’m a Prince, but it’s top secret to me? Then who can see that data besides Mahir? I was so dumbfounded that I grumbled.
“I know more about Magical creatures than you do.”
“Then it would be nice if you could tell me next time.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible because it’s confidential.”
When I got up from the sofa and shook off the wrinkled clothes, Mahir looked up at me.
“If you have a position, there’s nothing you can’t do. You seem to be good at dealing with Magical creatures. You’re just the Emperor’s brother now, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean by position all of a sudden…”
I sighed and paused. It sounded like he was trying to entice me to go to Actan with him. But considering Aska’s condition… I don’t think it’s possible to settle down in the Imperial Castle.
“Talim is still there, so you just have to come back. Asella is still in that position.”
I expected Talim, but I didn’t expect Asella to still be there. Could it be that Daram and the other Servants are still working?
“……”
I briefly imagined Aska, the Prince Consort, standing among them. Covering himself from head to toe and not being able to speak properly, trapped only in Talim.
Of course, he sneaks around here and there, but his life will be very different from now. Aska said it doesn’t matter where he goes, but considering his personality, he definitely doesn’t fit in with the Imperial Castle.
He won’t be able to go out and play as he pleases like now. I didn’t feel like it, especially after hearing about the hot springs earlier.
“I’ll just stay missing like I am now.”
I thought he would object a little, but Mahir nodded unexpectedly.
“Tell me if you change your mind later.”
“……”
I felt strange because he agreed so easily. Of course, I wasn’t going to listen even if Mahir said no, but I thought he would stop me a little.
Mahir asked when I frowned with a sullen expression.
“Why do you look like that?”
“Is it okay if I don’t go back and keep living like a wanderer?”
“Does it have to be okay?”
I was shocked for a moment by the words that could be seen as cold. Mahir laughed when I opened my mouth as if surprised.
“You’ve decided to live like that, so what can I say? You’re not a child anymore, so I can’t tell you what to do.”
Looking at it that way, that’s true. But I couldn’t help but feel sad. Is it because it sounded like he wouldn’t care how I live now?
“Just like I decided to live as the Emperor, if you’ve decided to live as a wanderer, then live that way. It’s not like your home will disappear if you leave for a while, so live busily and come back whenever you get tired or suddenly think of it.”
But I was shocked again in a different sense by the words that followed. Home? I’ve never thought of the Imperial Castle as home. Strictly speaking, that’s my home.
“No matter where you live, whether you have a position or not, the fact that you’re my brother remains the same.”
“Why are you saying that all of a sudden?”
Mahir said, unable to hide his embarrassment.
“Because you look like you’re about to leave somewhere right away.”
“What?”
Leave? Where to? I paused without realizing it while thinking about that. Well, I can’t solve Aska’s problem here. I had to go to the Ruins and wander around the places that appeared in Aska’s dreams to get information.
It was time to wander around like a wanderer. It wasn’t because I decided to live as a wanderer. It was for Aska.
So I decided at this moment that I would live for Aska.
Suddenly, a realization like a lightning bolt struck my head.
“Wait a minute, I’ll be back later!”
Once the goal was set, the things I had to do came to mind automatically. This wasn’t the time to waste time fighting like this. There was no reason to scold Aska for why he did that. It’s already happened, so what can I do?
I hurriedly left the room and turned to Mahir, realizing something.
“I’m not leaving now!”
“I know, so don’t run and go slowly.”
“I’ll tell you when I leave, so don’t worry!”
“I told you not to run!”
In the end, the gentle Mahir raised his voice, but I couldn’t stop running to Aska. I didn’t even know where he was, but I just ran blindly.
I was so out of breath, but strangely refreshed. I ran like crazy and opened the door as soon as I arrived at the room. I didn’t expect Aska to be there, but I came anyway.
Just as I was about to scan the room and leave, I found the blanket on the bed bulging. Panting, I approached and found Aska, who had covered himself with the blanket and was curled up at the edge of the bed.