By Zephyria 
When they had gone on the outing to the amusement park, there were students mixed between short-sleeved and long-sleeved shirts, but about a month after the field trip, it was now full-blown summer.
In June, the month when the sun lights the world for the longest time of the year, the boys sweated profusely from their morning commute under the deep blue sky and glaring sunlight. Not a few students headed straight for the snack bar upon arriving at school to bite into ice cream or gulp down cold drinks. Even a short run on the playground during lunch break caused their skin, which had been pale all winter, to tan darker day by day.
It was a fresh season, but the situation felt different for the second-year high school students.
For the first-years at Ilyang Boys’ High, there was the school trip, and for the third-years, the long-awaited college entrance exams, but for the second-years, those were someone else’s stories. The only school event they could enjoy in the first semester of their second year was the field trip. While the school festival was held in the second semester, it was difficult to enjoy it fully as a protagonist unless one was active in club activities or had a talent in arts or sports.
Since the only major event remaining in the first semester after the spring field trip was the final exams—which were far from dreams and hope—the students had to endure tedious days, longing for summer vacation. Supplementary classes would start soon, but a vacation was still a vacation.
“I heard the water park opened; I want to go.”
“I’m definitely going during break.”
The topics of conversation in the classroom changed with the season. Some students were already excitedly planning their vacation, even though it was still far off. Since the possibility of spending the entire second-year summer break just playing was extremely low, most of these would end as vain dreams, but there was no way to stop them from dreaming.
“Oh-Seung, what are you doing during break?”
“I don’t know yet. My family has a beach we go to often in the summer, so I think we’ll go there again. Or maybe my Grandmother’s house.”
For Oh Seung-pyo—who was handsome, tall, good at studying, and good at sports, making his life generally easy and enjoyable—the late first semester with only finals remaining was a boring time. As the world became greener and more brilliantly sparkling, his own situation of being trapped in school for more than half the day became pitiful.
Furthermore, his blood relative living in the same house was already busy hanging out every day, claiming that his classes had ended. Whenever Seung-pyo left the house in his uniform and encountered his brother slowly preparing for the day’s play, he often felt like kicking him in the butt, regardless of whether he was his Hyung or not.
“Oh Seung-yeon’s semester is already over. It pisses me off to see him getting ready to play while I’m coming to school.”
“Your Hyung graduated high school and went to college too. I heard your brother was good at studying.”
“I know, but it still pisses me off.”
“Let’s go to the water park together later. If I go with you, college Noonas might talk to me. I heard that happened when you went to the ski resort in winter.”
“What’s the point if they talk to me? It’s not like I’m going to date them.”
“Still, it feels good.”
Anyway, even if they promised to play together during the break now, fewer than half of them would actually follow through. It would be great if they could, but who knew. Seung-pyo chuckled and gave a vague answer, “Sure, whatever.”
Although there was still more than a month left, the excitement brought by the word ‘vacation’ had been eternal since elementary school. Seung-pyo glanced sideways at the guy in the other seat. He was curious about what kind of vacation Ryu Jae-min would spend.
“I don’t think I can go anywhere this summer. My mom wants me to go to a boarding academy.”
“A boarding academy? I heard going in the summer isn’t a big deal. They say winter is better.”
“Ah, I don’t know. I messed up my midterms last time, so she won’t listen to me even if I ask.”
As the talk of water parks came up, students who knew they wouldn’t be able to join in the fun grumbled and lamented their fate.
Seung-pyo guessed that Ryu Jae-min’s vacation would likely be similar. Even if it wasn’t a boarding academy, plans for playing—like water parks or beaches—probably didn’t exist in the first place.
Taking advantage of the students’ chatter, he quietly picked up his phone and accessed social media. He entered their private message box and sent a short message.
Wanna?
Jae-min, who had been staring intently at whether it was a book, a notebook, or a workbook, fumbled to check his phone. Before long, a reply arrived.
Yeah
Leaving the chatting students behind, Seung-pyo quietly stood up and stepped out into the hallway. After a gap of a few seconds, Jae-min also left the classroom.
The relationship that began at the start of the semester, when the early spring chill hadn’t yet faded, was continuing into the summer ahead of the final exams. In the meantime, the two had become masters of secret kissing at school.
The two boys, who shared the top two ranks in the school, did not waste their accumulated experience. They had developed reliable data on where it was safest to do it depending on the time and situation, so now they headed straight for their destination without hesitation.
To make use of the ten-minute break, places too far from the classroom were inconvenient. However, places where students frequently entered and exited were also dangerous. The archives room they had frequented from the start or unused club rooms were perfect for break time.
Today, a club room was empty. The two quickly entered and locked the door. Without a word, they overlapped their lips and entwined their tongues.
From the moment their flesh touched, goosebumps rose on the nape of their necks, and a pleasant tingling sensation washed over them. At some point, it had become a habit to cling tightly to the other and embrace them when kissing. It was because they wanted to feel each other more within the short time.
Since they had started wearing summer uniforms, only a thin shirt covered their bodies. Compared to winter, when they wore thick outerwear like jackets, vests, jumpers, or sweatshirts, the contours of their bodies were felt more clearly just by touching.
Firm, long arms extending from white, loose sleeves wrapped around the other’s waist and nape. The shirt colors were the same, but the skin tones were slightly different. Seung-pyo’s arms, as someone who loved kicking and throwing balls on the playground even in summer, were noticeably more tanned than last winter.
When their bodies pressed together, the night they spent together at Ryu Jae-min’s house on the day of the field trip naturally came to Seung-pyo’s mind. The night they panted, rubbing their damp, naked bodies after stripping off all their clothes. They had rolled around in bed with bodies not even dried after showering, and they had become so hot that when they finally got up, their bodies and hair were almost completely dry without needing a towel.
“Haa…”
Jae-min lifted his head, exhaling a sharp breath. Seung-pyo also let out a low sigh.
They were busy enough just focusing on the kiss; the break was too short to slowly savor past memories. It didn’t feel like they had been kissing for that long, yet there was only about one minute left until class.
The hallway outside the club room was noisy with the sound of students returning to their classrooms. They had to hurry, but the two silently avoided eye contact and played dumb.
Lately, every time they finished kissing, the two were somehow grumpy. In the past, even if they were angry, in a bad mood, or depressed, kissing made their hearts lighter, and they would joke or play around with each other, but now it was the opposite.
They felt good while kissing, but once it ended, they felt unsatisfied and became irrationally moody. Today was the same. Seung-pyo and Jae-min left the club room with sullen faces.
“What are you doing during break?”
There was no one’s fault or any special reason for feeling this way. It wasn’t as enjoyable as before, but it wasn’t so bad that they wanted to stop kissing.
Because of that, neither of them was the first to voice the feeling that kissing with the other didn’t feel the same as it used to.
Seung-pyo, asking about vacation plans, seemed to be throwing out any random words because the silence was uncomfortable. Jae-min also answered bluntly.
“I have to study.”
“You’re not going out to play?”
“I probably won’t this year. Even if I do, it’ll be for a study trip.”
At the expected answer, Seung-pyo also nodded insincerely. While exchanging a few meaningless, short words, they arrived at the classroom. The teacher, about to start the lesson, saw the two model students arriving and added a nag.
“You should be back early before the bell rings. Get inside, quickly.”
“Yes!”
The two hurried into the classroom and scattered.
Seung-pyo slumped into his seat with a sigh. He silently bit his lip, which had been pressed against Ryu Jae-min’s just a few minutes ago. Ryu Jae-min’s body heat still remaining on his skin, the lingering afterglow of the kiss seemed to seep into his body.
‘I still like kissing, though.’
This time, Seung-pyo pouted his tightly closed lips. He didn’t really know why he felt this way. He had tried sucking nipples, given handjobs, and done everything he wanted to try, and he thought his relationship with Ryu Jae-min had improved.
Usually, after spending a night at a friend’s house, people become much closer. He thought it would be the same with Ryu Jae-min, but why on earth was this happening? Was it because he and Ryu Jae-min weren’t actually friends?
Since that day, the two had gradually become grumpy and distant for no particular reason. Since Jae-min wasn’t the only one and he felt the same way, Seung-pyo couldn’t just blame the other person.
Seung-pyo had never experienced this in a relationship between people before. However, combining the various knowledge and indirect experiences he had picked up over eighteen years of life and reflecting on his current state, there was one reason that came to mind.
‘…Is it a slump?’
He had never dated before, but he had heard many stories about the ‘ennui’ or ‘slump’ phase of a relationship. The period that comes when you date one person for too long, where you get tired of the other person and the relationship becomes boring.
Of course, Oh Seung-pyo and Ryu Jae-min weren’t in a dating relationship. There were various reasons why the two overlapped their lips from time to time: peak sexual desire, curiosity during the sexual confusion of adolescence, relieving entrance exam stress, and so on.
However, among those many reasons, one thing was not included: the feeling of liking each other. Therefore, this relationship was very far from dating, but…
Regardless, it was a fact that they had been imitating things that people in a dating relationship would do with only one person for quite a long time. Since they were imitating what people in a relationship do, it wasn’t unnatural to experience something similar to what people in a relationship experience. They were essentially conducting a true ‘field trip.’
He wanted to ask someone with experience and confirm if the emotion he was feeling now was truly a slump. But who? He thought about it, but no one came to mind. If he asked his Hyung, he’d be grilled about whether he got a girlfriend, and asking peers wouldn’t give him an answer.
Sucking nipples, touching dicks—he had tried pretty much everything he wanted to, except for actual sex, so perhaps his interest in doing lewd things with Ryu Jae-min had simply cooled off. For someone who felt that way, he was still busy wanting to rub lips with Ryu Jae-min every chance he got… but then again, that could just be out of habit.
If that were the case, was it finally time to put an end to the period of adolescent sexual confusion the online counselor had mentioned?
If he could just stop playing “kissing games” with another guy and return to the life he had before rubbing lips with Ryu Jae-min—studying hard, exercising, playing games with friends occasionally, and then, after entering college, meeting a destined girlfriend who would make sparks fly in his head and enjoying a sweet campus life.
‘If I tell him let’s stop now, Jae-min will agree, right?’
Lately, Ryu Jae-min had also seemed lukewarm whenever they kissed. Whether it was the atmosphere, his expression, or his tone, no matter how he analyzed it, it seemed Jae-min was in a similar situation as Seung-pyo. He might even be glad if Seung-pyo was the one to suggest stopping first.
It was a bit bittersweet, but still a relief. They had spent months rubbing lips and sliding dicks every single day, but in the end, neither Oh Seung-pyo nor Ryu Jae-min were gay, after all.
* * *
The daily schedule of a high school sophomore is packed. Returning home near 10 PM, Seung-pyo flopped onto his bed before even changing his clothes.
Once a curiosity took hold of him, his mind became so full of it that he had barely paid attention to his classes today. Seung-pyo was the type to focus more on self-study than lectures anyway, but he still didn’t want his head to be occupied by this indefinitely.
Since there was no one suitable to ask, he had no choice but to knock on the door of the internet once again. After a long time, Seung-pyo entered the advice corner of an online counseling center.
Back then, he had left a post without much thought, but this time, he felt strangely nervous. Hmm. He braced himself and typed the first words.
Is this what a slump in a relationship feels like?
* * *
Hello. I am a male high school student. A few months ago, a friend from the same school and I became something similar to a couple, though we aren’t actually dating, and we’ve been staying that way.
We both plan to date later in college and have no intention of actually dating now. We started this to help each other and find strength because we’re stressed from studying and feel lonely.
But lately, even when we do the same things as before, it’s not as fun as it used to be. Until recently, I felt stressed-relieved and happy after hanging out with him, but lately, for some reason, I feel more depressed and a bit lonely afterward. Strangely, I feel like we’ve grown further apart. He doesn’t say it, but I think he feels the same way.
I heard that when people date one person for a long time, they get bored and hit a slump. I wonder if that’s happening to us? Maybe it’s time to stop playing “couple” and focus on studying… To be honest, I’ve never been in a real relationship, so I don’t know if this is actually a slump. I’m leaving this post because I thought I might get an answer here.
He didn’t want to reveal the private details—that the “play” with his school friend was kissing, or that they had once rolled around in bed completely naked. Because of that, the writing became a bit vague, but it was still enough for a counselor to provide an answer.
He didn’t know if a reply would come as quickly as last time. Staring at the counseling site wouldn’t solve anything. Seung-pyo began searching for similar cases using various keywords.
Then, he discovered a post on some nameless site. It was a fresh, new post that had just been uploaded. As expected, it was an anonymous site similar to the previous one, with an atmosphere where people easily exchanged secret stories that were hard to tell elsewhere.
Got dumped by my fuckbuddy today
* * *
We didn’t intend to be fuckbuddies from the start, but we were flirting and then slid into being fuckbuddies instead of dating.
We both live alone, so we went back and forth between his place and mine every weekend, went to motels occasionally, and even went to a pension for an overnight trip last summer. Then suddenly, he says he went on a blind date and got a boyfriend.
He told me today that they’ve been dating for a week. I told him to get along well with his partner and ended it coolly, but fuck, even though we weren’t dating, I feel so empty.
I thought being fuckbuddies was fine so I stayed quiet, but maybe I should have asked him to date me first.
Seung-pyo swallowed hard.
Even though he knew it was a completely different situation from his own, for some reason, the post made his heart sink. Seung-pyo adjusted his posture and looked closely at the text.
‘Fuckbuddy… that probably means sex partner, right?’
Since he and Jae-min hadn’t had sex and had no plans to, if he had to give it a name, “kissing partner” would be more accurate.
Far from alternating houses every weekend, he had only been to Jae-min’s house once—and that was about a month ago, sneaking in while deceiving his parents. Motels were out of the question, and once summer break hit, they would only see each other at the academy until supplementary classes started, meaning they’d have even less time to see each other’s faces.
Furthermore, Jae-min had no plans to get a girlfriend before college, nor had he told Seung-pyo to stop being kissing partners. Rather, the one agonizing over whether to stop the kissing game was Seung-pyo.
So, there was absolutely no overlap with the author’s situation…
└ Nothing to be sad about. If it was good, you would’ve dated already. You and him were only at that level, so just move on.
* * *
└ I’m jealous. How do you get a fuckbuddy?
* * *
└ You’re just sad because it feels like something you held onto was snatched away. You’ll forget soon anyway.
* * *
└ Stop pretending to be cool. Why didn’t you try to grab him today? If they’ve only been dating for a week, you could have won.
In the meantime, several comments had followed one another. It felt like looking at a multiple-choice question where he had to pick the correct answer among four examples. Was the person who wrote this also agonizing over the answer like Seung-pyo?
It was completely different; there was truly nothing in common with him, so why did he keep looking at the problem from the perspective of the author?
Seung-pyo’s heart kept leaning toward the fourth comment. There was a rational reason. They were close enough to meet every weekend and travel together in the summer; if he asked to date formally now, wouldn’t the other person potentially dump the partner of one week and come back?
The author seemed to be drawn to the fourth comment as well, just like Seung-pyo. Only that comment had a reply from the author.
└ You think so? Should I try calling him now?
A new comment appeared immediately after the added question.
└ You should’ve said it right away. It’s too late now. Just leave it as a memory.
It was a sharp answer. Seung-pyo felt his own anticipation get cut off along with the author’s, and he exited the post.
Like a wanderer unable to find a destination, Seung-pyo repeatedly scrolled up and down through the bulletin board piled with countless posts. The feeling of being hit where it hurts, yet being unable to discern the shape of that “spot,” was unsettling and unfamiliar.
Oh Seung-pyo had lived as an honor student, always praised for being quick to understand everything. Now, unable to grasp the core of the problem and just circling around the periphery, he suddenly felt like a failing student.
Ah, I see. Is this how kids who are bad at studying feel? Seung-pyo suddenly reached an epiphany and sighed with humility.
After hesitating for a moment, he eventually pressed the “Write” button. When a problem couldn’t be solved, the only option was to ask someone who knew better.
I have a partner at work
He figured if he honestly revealed he was a high school student, he’d just get nagged or ignored, so he decided to mix in some lies and pretend to be an office worker.
A colleague at the same company and I somehow became partners. Not fuckbuddies, we’re just at the kissing stage.
Since we both get a lot of stress at work, we started doing this to relieve it, but lately, I feel bad and more frustrated after kissing. I feel more stressed than before we did it.
Is this a slump? Can a slump happen even if you aren’t dating?
Perhaps because it followed a post about sex partners, the title caught people’s eyes, and comments flooded in like lightning.
└ You made a fuckbuddy in the office?
* * *
└ Read the post. He said they aren’t fuckbuddies.
* * *
└ Fuckbuddy or not, if you mess with the wrong person in the office, you’re truly screwed later… I recommend cutting ties quickly before you go any further.
* * *
└ Kissing a coworker because you’re stressed lol. You and that person are both insane.
* * *
└ I thought it was going to be a plot twist post, but it’s not.
* * *
└ Why is everyone so good at making fuckbuddies? So jealous.
That wasn’t what he was curious about, but people were fixated on the phrase “same company” and were arguing only about how one should not meet people lightly within the office.
He should have pretended to be a college student and said they met at the same academy. Since he couldn’t edit the post belatedly, Seung-pyo rubbed the back of his neck, feeling like he’d wasted his effort.
However, once the storm of office talk passed, the atmosphere gradually calmed down, and people who gave the kind of answers Seung-pyo wanted began to appear.
└ You know-it-alls can fuck off. Whether he’s screwed or not, he’ll figure it out himself.
* * *
└ So you haven’t had sex yet?
Now that the focus had returned to the question, Seung-pyo quickly replied.
└ Not yet. I’ve used my hands, and we’ve taken our clothes off and touched each other’s bodies, but we haven’t had sex. No intention of doing it either. We agreed to just play together until we both get real partners.
Then, several more comments rained down.
└ What? lol
* * *
└ What do you mean “not really”? At that point, you’re already fuckbuddies lol
* * *
└ You’ve done everything except the main event and you’re still playing humble. Insane.
* * *
└ It’s not a slump, it’s because you haven’t had sex yet lol
It’s because they haven’t had sex yet?
An unexpected answer popped up as if it were obvious. While Seung-pyo was too flustered to reply, the anonymous comments naturally shifted into a mood of mocking him.
└ Not a slump, just sexual frustration lol
* * *
└ Sexual frustration indeed lol. It’ll be solved once you get fucked.
* * *
└ Ask your partner’s opinion too. He might be feeling a real slump because you won’t do it. He’s probably about to find another guy who’ll actually give it to him, unlike you, who just plays around.
* * *
└ He’s probably already slept with someone else lol. If he’s letting a coworker kiss and touch him, he’s a total slut and 100% has someone else. I bet my current chicken leg it’s not even just one guy.
* * *
└ That colleague is only kissing you, but he’s probably banging another guy and showering right now.
“You fucking perverts, who the hell are you talking about?”
Oh Seung-pyo was good at fighting and good at arguing. Even when he heard curses from strangers while gaming or got into a spat, he never panicked; instead, it was his specialty to subtly provoke the opponent until they self-destructed. Along with his great controls, this was one of the reasons other kids enjoyed gaming with him.
But today, to be unilaterally mocked like this by nameless gutter-trash. He didn’t even want to respond to them individually. With his face flushed red, Seung-pyo quickly deleted the post without a second thought.
‘I’m never posting my worries in a place like this again.’
If he had just heard nonsense himself, he would have thought it was bad luck and forgotten it quickly, but he felt uneasy and guilty for unintentionally throwing Ryu Jae-min as prey for those perverts. It was a good thing he deleted the post quickly; if he had left it, it was obvious that even worse things would have been poured out competitively using Ryu Jae-min as material.
Of course, the perverts beyond the screen didn’t know who Oh Seung-pyo and Ryu Jae-min were; they had only mocked two non-existent office workers, but still.
‘But these pieces of trash… why do they feel so familiar?’
Right. As he sank into deep thought, Seung-pyo realized the identity of the déjà vu and nodded.
They resembled the losers who used to cling to Ryu Jae-min’s SNS account. Perverts who would get red-eyed and drool, wanting to tear apart and harass a high school boy they didn’t even know. Nameless trash spread everywhere like mold.
…Thinking about it that way, it became even harder to understand Ryu Jae-min. Even if it only happened on the internet, it couldn’t be compared to things happening in a virtual world like a game.
Even he felt this unpleasant just from hearing a few nonsense words from the trash on an anonymous board, yet Ryu Jae-min had voluntarily gathered such malicious people and flirted with them, feeding them naked photos and videos of himself. And not for a short time, but for nearly a year.
The model student Ryu Jae-min had said he wanted to do bad things in secret, and that he chose that because it was the most cost-effective way to do it just by switching internet accounts. But there are many types of rebellion one can do using SNS other than uploading lewd pictures and becoming a target for perverts. Yet, he chose that.
The contents of the comments he had just deleted as meaningless nonsense were vividly restored and floating in his mind.
‘Not a slump, but sexual frustration.’
‘It’ll be solved once you get fucked.’
‘Ask your partner’s opinion too. He might be feeling a real slump because you won’t do it.’
Was it really like that?
Even if the emotion he felt was a slump, there was no law saying Ryu Jae-min felt the same. The reason Ryu Jae-min’s face had been hardening and becoming grumpy after kissing lately might actually be due to sexual frustration, just as those pieces of trash said. As they say, it takes a pervert to know a pervert; the crowd Ryu Jae-min hung out with might know his inner thoughts better than he did.
…But the one who first said they should go back to just being kissing partners was Jae-min. On the day he stayed at Jae-min’s house, Seung-pyo had even asked which of the things they did today he liked best, and Ryu Jae-min had answered flatly. He said that since they could only touch bodies at school from now on, they couldn’t do things like today, so he shouldn’t get ahead of himself.
“Then… as long as it’s not at school…?”
Muttering unconsciously, Seung-pyo bolted up from the bed. Chewing over the words of perverts who weren’t worth looking back at was leading his thoughts in a strange direction.
Still in his school uniform, Seung-pyo hurriedly stripped and entered the bathroom to shower. After quickly washing up and coming out, a message from his Hyung had arrived, saying he’d probably be home around dawn.
He replied with a couple of “yeahs”, dried his hair, and changed his clothes. Feeling clean in both body and mind, he sat at his desk.
For the last midterm, he had been in an uproar studying for over a month because of a bet with Ryu Jae-min, but for this final exam, there was no carrot dangling in front of him.
However, Seung-pyo still wanted to beat the school’s top student, Ryu Jae-min, and he planned to prepare for the final exam of the semester step by step starting now.
Opening the book and underlining multiple-choice questions, Seung-pyo read through the given options one by one. He had to pick the correct answer among examples designed to confuse the solver.
└ Not a slump, but sexual frustration
A random option intruded into his mind. His eyes were reading the problem, but the wrong example kept circling in his head like a multiple-choice answer. He didn’t want to be swayed by the tricks of filthy perverts, and he knew it was the wrong answer, but he couldn’t stop.
But to say it was because of sexual frustration… Ryu Jae-min was a guy who knew how to exercise quite a bit of restraint. During the last midterms, he had even been banned from kissing until the bet was over.
Every time Seung-pyo saw Jae-min, he was anxious and wanted to rub lips, but Jae-min was as serene as the Buddha statue he had seen at the school trip destination. It was so absurd that he was the only one anxious, and when Seung-pyo asked if he was really okay, the person who answered that just watching him struggle because he was bad at it relieved his stress was Ryu Jae-min.
└ He’s probably already slept with someone else lol
“Ah, seriously.”
Even though he thought it was nonsense, that comment kept coming back to him, so Seung-pyo leaned his neck against the headrest of the chair and tilted his head back.
Ryu Jae-min had said he had ‘not yet’ had sex. He had been stern about why he would meet those people and risk getting doxxed, and Seung-pyo thought that made sense. Even if Seung-pyo had run such an account, he wouldn’t want to meet face-to-face with someone hitting on him there. He’d rather avoid them.
As he turned over various thoughts, the conversation they had a month ago came back to him—Jae-min’s detached answer as if it were nothing.
‘I like people who are comfortable to be with.’
The internet perverts who left comments earlier were trash, but at least they were adults. Because they were older and more experienced, they had pointed out something Seung-pyo hadn’t even imagined—that one should absolutely never mess with a coworker.
If he had to choose a partner for actual sex, someone like that would probably be much more comfortable. Not a clueless, amateur high school classmate like Oh Seung-pyo.
With his head tilted back, Seung-pyo stared blankly at the ceiling. It felt as if Ryu Jae-min’s image was shimmering somewhere between the void and his gaze.
When he took the nipples into his mouth and sucked them, when he made Jae-min spread his legs and squirm in his father’s solemn study, when he pinned him down on the bed and watched him gasp, breathless and overwhelmed…
His heart began to thrum rapidly. Feeling the blood rush downward in an instant, Seung-pyo sprang up and knocked out twenty push-ups at high speed.
Once his head had cooled down a bit, he picked up his phone. He opened the SNS messages with Jae-min and called out to him.
What are you doing?
But even after waiting quite a while, no answer came back.
He might have already fallen asleep, or perhaps he had put his phone down since he was at home. Seung-pyo let out a sigh and picked up his pen again. Scratch, scratch—the sound of the mechanical pencil lead grazing the paper was the only sign of life in the quiet, empty house for a long time.
* * *
The weather had suddenly grown hotter.
Despite the clear skies, there were fewer children running around the playground than usual. Because the temperature had spiked so abruptly, more students preferred to lounge in cool places rather than go outside and sweat.
During lunch break, while the other students spent their remaining time however they pleased, Seung-pyo and Jae-min once again sought out a secluded spot of shade away from everyone’s eyes. Today, they were lucky; the biology teacher had sent Seung-pyo on an errand, allowing the two of them to spend some leisurely time in the empty lab.
“It’s hot…”
Jae-min whispered. His small voice was thick with humidity.
While having plenty of time was great, the classroom had a fatal flaw when it wasn’t in use. Due to the sudden heatwave, the school had been turning on the air conditioning intermittently, but the merciful touch of cooling didn’t reach the classrooms that had no scheduled lessons. Since they couldn’t leave the windows wide open either, the two had to endure the heat to have their secret time.
Yet, despite complaining about the heat, they clung to each other and kissed just as they had yesterday. Seung-pyo once again blocked the lips of the mumbling Jae-min. The soft lips familiarly swallowed the piece of flesh sliding inside.
“Mmm.”
He didn’t know how many times it had been already. Every time he tried to say something, Seung-pyo would block his mouth and dive in with his tongue. While Jae-min accepted it sweetly, he thought Oh Seung-pyo was being more persistent than usual today.
“Hng, ugh.”
Seung-pyo’s hand, which had been supporting his back, slid down to his waist. When the hand, which had reached the hem of the school shirt, crawled inside to touch his bare skin, Jae-min shuddered in surprise.
“Ngh, hey. Stop it.”
He frowned and pushed Seung-pyo away immediately as if something terrible had happened, but Seung-pyo didn’t budge easily and instead hugged his waist tighter. Then, he looked Jae-min in the eye and spoke.
“We have plenty of time today, so let’s do a bit more.”
“Do what?”
“Isn’t it boring just kissing every day?”
“If it’s boring, then don’t call me out to do it.”
To Oh Seung-pyo’s bold proposal, the only response was a look that said what kind of nonsense is this? Jae-min shook off Seung-pyo’s arm as if displeased.
“How many times do I have to tell you that we can only kiss at school?”
“Do you really not mind just kissing forever? Don’t you want to do what we did at your house again?”
“I don’t know, but I can tell that you want to do it again.”
Jae-min cast a casual glance at Seung-pyo while straightening his disheveled clothes. Seung-pyo chewed on the inside of his cheek before asking something random.
“Why did you ghost my message yesterday?”
“I told you earlier. I saw it in the morning.”
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Seung-pyo didn’t like the flow of the conversation. He didn’t want to speak so bluntly, nor did he want to hear such an answer, but when it came to this topic, he didn’t know how to speak like his usual self.
The version of himself that Oh Seung-pyo imagined was a kinder, more logical, and more cheerful person. But how could he kindly and cheerfully say: Are you bored of me? I feel like it’s not the same as before even when we kiss. I think you feel the same way, so what’s the reason? If you’re sexually frustrated, don’t hide it and just be honest.
‘How the hell do you say that kindly and cheerfully?’
Even if he spoke softly with a bright smile, the content of the conversation wouldn’t change. No matter how he looked at it, the moment he uttered those questions, it would be his defeat. He would lose to Ryu Jae-min, lose to low-life internet perverts, and end up as the world’s biggest idiot.
After agonizing over it, Seung-pyo changed the subject.
“Finals are coming up soon.”
“Yeah.”
Even Ryu Jae-min, who always ranked first in the entire school, couldn’t find the topic of exams pleasant; his expression was heavy as he answered.
Taking advantage of the break in kissing, Jae-min perched himself on the desk. Seung-pyo pulled over a chair and sat facing him.
He still didn’t know how to naturally share the various doubts that had been stifling him with Ryu Jae-min. However, he did know the one sure method that had consistently brought them closer ever since they became entangled.
“Want to make a bet this time too?”
“Again? What’s the stake?”
“I don’t know. Don’t think about it in advance; this time, let’s make it ‘the winner’s freedom.’ Anyway, it’s good because we’ll study harder if there’s a bet.”
Now that he suggested a bet, Jae-min didn’t seem particularly on edge or deep in thought. His reaction was no different from when he was asked to go play a game after school. In fact, he let out a small chuckle, acting relaxed.
“You’re damn persistent for someone who can’t win anyway.”
“Don’t make me laugh. You only won last time because I went easy on you. If I had pushed harder in English, I could have won.”
At those words, Jae-min’s expression became awkward, as if his conscience was pricked. Only then did Seung-pyo smile like his usual self.
“During midterms, you promised to show me you doing it from behind if I won, but you won with a trick so I didn’t get to see it. I should have seen it when I went to your house.”
“If you say you want to see it, do you think I’ll just show you?”
“I could have seen it. I had a wish coupon. I was just too desperate back then and wasted it too easily.”
Seung-pyo placed his hand on Jae-min’s thigh. He stood his index and middle fingers straight and slowly walked them up toward the groin.
As the fingers stealthily rubbed near the pelvis, Jae-min just stared down at the hand touching him with a slightly flushed face. It wasn’t until Seung-pyo’s hand touched the area of the pants’ fly that he spoke in a low voice.
“If we do something other than kissing at school…”
“Yeah?”
“…it can’t get all… messy like it did that time. That’s why I don’t want to.”
Seung-pyo’s eyes widened. Having finished speaking, Jae-min remained expressionless, but he looked a bit embarrassed rather than blunt.
After a short silence, Seung-pyo suddenly spoke up. His voice had grown a bit louder.
“We can just go to my house!”
“Why suddenly go to your house? And to go to a friend’s house, I have to make up an excuse for my parents.”
“If I win, come over after finals. Make an excuse and make time no matter what.”
At those words, the corners of Jae-min’s lips curled up faintly. He looked down at Seung-pyo like a tiger looking at a puppy. It was an expression filled with the certainty that he would never lose.
Lately, there were too many unidentified emotions motivating Seung-pyo. This time, reacting to Ryu Jae-min’s expression, an unknown impulse clumped together like a fist and struck his chest. Seung-pyo stared intently at Jae-min’s face and blurted it out before he could even organize the impulse in his head.
“Have sex with me.”
Silence enveloped them. This time, it was Jae-min whose eyes widened in shock.
The silence covering the confusion was brief. Jae-min asked back, bewildered, as if he couldn’t believe what he had heard.
“What?”
“…”
“Hey, didn’t you say you wouldn’t do it now because you have to do it with a girlfriend later?”
Right?
It was now Oh Seung-pyo’s turn to be dazed after his bold declaration.
“Uh, well, yeah.”
Seung-pyo hurried to speak to correct the bombshell statement that had escaped without passing through his brain. However, no suitable words came to mind.
“Like you said… anyway, it’s weird that we’ve done everything up to that point last time but just aren’t having sex.”
“What’s weird about that? It’s not that weird.”
“Practice!”
Mumbling incoherently, Seung-pyo snapped his fingers as if he’d had a great idea and met Jae-min’s eyes. Jae-min had a sullen expression, as if wondering what he was talking about.
“Now that I think about it, I think it would be good for the two of us to practice first to prepare for when we get girlfriends. Even if you save your dick, it’s not like a girlfriend will praise you for being a virgin later; isn’t it a hundred times better to be good at it when the time comes?”
“So you want to practice that… with me?”
“Well… it’ll be a bit different from doing it with a girl, but the basics should be similar.”
He explained as hard as he could with the excuse he’d hastily come up with, but Jae-min didn’t seem convinced at all. Since Seung-pyo had been the one firmly insisting until recently that he couldn’t go as far as actual sex with a man, it was natural for this sudden change of heart to feel strange.
He should have laughed it off as a joke instead of making excuses. A foolish regret hit Seung-pyo a beat too late. It felt as if his brain hadn’t been working properly and had completely frozen up.
Should I try to cover it up as a joke now? He felt it wasn’t too late, but the words that had leaped out so freely a moment ago wouldn’t come out easily now, even though he was determined to say them. It was as if the depths of his heart refused to dismiss these words as a joke.
“You don’t hate it anyway.”
Instead of the words he should have said, only random things continued to spill out.
Sometimes, a person comes to a point where they must choose between what they need and what they want. The heart of one who ignores what is necessary to chase what is desired throbbed as if facing an unknown adventure.
“You said yourself that what we did last time was the same as sex. Doesn’t that mean you can actually do it?”
“No, last time you just did whatever you wanted. I didn’t intend to go that far.”
“Still, you didn’t hate it. You liked it too, right?”
To that question, Jae-min didn’t readily say no. There was no way he had hated it. He had been lying beneath him, dicks locked together, panting so hard.
A word spoken by mistake can become an opportunity for a turnaround if handled well. Seung-pyo was gradually regaining his composure. He didn’t want to care about the comments of those trashy people, but he didn’t think the claim that this was a problem solved by sex—that it wasn’t a slump but sexual frustration—was entirely baseless.
At least he could test it. Setting himself aside, if the reason Ryu Jae-min insisted only on kissing lately was simply because he was worried about the cleanup if his body or clothes got dirty, it meant there was no reason they couldn’t do lewd things like last time as long as that point was resolved.
The fact that Ryu Jae-min was a pervert who even ran a lewd picture account was an objective fact, not a subjective impression. Could such a guy, who had done things that made him ask, “Isn’t this just sex?”, really be satisfied with just kissing again? No.
While Seung-pyo was confidently answering his own question, Jae-min finally responded cautiously.
“It’s not that I’ve ever thought I absolutely had to do it for the first time with someone I date later, but…”
Of course. Even if his body was still a virgin, it would be more awkward if a guy with the heart of a whore had conventional notions of chastity. Seung-pyo nodded at the unsurprising comment.
“I thought so.”
“Still… if we do that, doesn’t that make us actual gays?”
“Gays are men who like men. We aren’t dating and we don’t like each other, so why? We’re just practicing to be good when we meet girlfriends later, so it’s definitely not that. Since it’s hard for either of us to date right now, we’re just doing it between ourselves because we have to.”
Seung-pyo shrugged and added,
“And since this is the condition for the bet if I win, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to after I win.”
“Ah, right.”
At those words, Jae-min’s eyes sharpened as if remembering something he’d forgotten.
The face of Ryu Jae-min, who had been drooping lately as if he found no joy even when they were together or kissing, began to regain vitality like a plant that had been watered.
“If I don’t want to, I just have to win.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t want to.”
“I’m not pretending. I really don’t want to.”
The sarcastic Ryu Jae-min was giggling for the first time in a while.
Pretending not to be, for a pervert. Instead of being grateful that he was offering to use the dick he’d saved for a true romance on him.
He felt a bit offended by the reaction of being too excited about the possibility of not having to do it if he won, but Oh Seung-pyo decided to let it slide for the sake of a good mood. After all, seeing Ryu Jae-min look happy for the first time in a while made him feel that suggesting the bet was a good idea. Whether the reason their mood had been dull lately was sexual frustration or a slump, it was clear they needed a new stimulus.
“Come here.”
Seung-pyo pulled the arm of Jae-min, who was perched on the desk. Jae-min, who had only been resting his buttocks slightly on the edge of the desk, quickly lost his balance and was pulled in, ending up sitting facing Seung-pyo on his thighs, almost as if he had fallen.
“I almost fell.”
Despite grumbling, Jae-min didn’t get up from Seung-pyo’s lap. Seung-pyo’s both hands gently stroked up Jae-min’s neck and pulled his cheeks.
“Hng…”
Lips that had locked several times today overlapped again without tiring. Even the complaining Jae-min seemed to find the heat unimportant at times like this, as he wrapped his arms around the back of Seung-pyo’s neck.
When the lips touched and parted, the moist sound of slowly sucking the tongue tickled their ears softly. The sound between the lips and the faint sound of birds outside the window mixed together, making him feel strangely dreamy.
Seung-pyo released the lips he had been obsessively exploring and buried his lips in the white neck that was now at eye level because Jae-min was sitting on his lap.
“Ah…!”
Jae-min’s buttocks, resting on his thighs, tightened slightly. Seung-pyo hugged his waist firmly to prevent Jae-min from shaking him off and standing up.
Ryu Jae-min’s concern was not a stranger to Seung-pyo either. If bodily fluids got on the school uniform, he couldn’t hand-wash them in secret from his family like he did at home.
So, Seung-pyo didn’t bite or suck the white skin or use his teeth as he had on the Ferris wheel or at Jae-min’s house. He simply pressed his lips to the neck and collarbone area revealed between the shirt collar and rubbed them as if nuzzling.
“Mmm…”
Jae-min, who had let out a surprised breath, seemed to relax and let out a small moan, leaving his neck to Seung-pyo’s lips without resistance. He didn’t even lift his body from the firm thighs.
Seung-pyo closed his eyes and pressed his mouth tightly against the junction of Jae-min’s neck and shoulder. Haa, haa. Just listening to Jae-min’s increasingly ragged breathing made him feel like he would get a full erection, so he couldn’t do this for long.
When it’s hot, even the slightest touch of someone else’s skin can raise the discomfort index. But it was strange. Jae-min’s body, which had grown warm as if his temperature had risen, smelled so good that he didn’t want to let go even while clinging to each other in the heat. Jae-min seemed to feel the same, as the arms wrapped around the back of Seung-pyo’s neck remained there even after the kiss ended.
The arms hugging Ryu Jae-min’s waist tightened. Just kissing, just sucking nipples, just touching with hands felt amazing, so he couldn’t even imagine how good actual sex would be. Seung-pyo asked with a curl of his lips.
“Don’t you think it’ll feel really good if we have sex?”
“If I win, you can’t do it anyway.”
“You’re acting so uninterested for a pervert. What are you going to do if you win?”
“I’ll have to think about it. Anyway, I can’t let you do something you enjoy after I win.”
Why be so stingy? As Seung-pyo grumbled, Jae-min slowly stood up from his thighs. As Jae-min perched back on the desk, his face was a bit redder than before they had kissed.
Jae-min gave a small cough and adjusted the collar of his disheveled shirt. As if tidying up his embarrassment along with his clothes, he spoke.
“Today is the last time until finals. Since we made a bet, kissing is also banned from now on.”
At those words, Seung-pyo expressed shock.
“Again this time? Why bother?”
“I told you before. I plan my study schedule down to the second. I’m going to do that this time too.”
“Hey, then you can just put ‘kissing time’ in that schedule.”
“And I think it’s more efficient not to do kissing or anything during the exam period. First of all, you go crazy because you’re pent up. Since we made a bet, I should obviously make it advantageous for me.”
“Why do you keep pretending you’re not? What’s the point of not doing it with me? You’re just going to go home and relieve yourself by masturbating anyway.”
Only a few minutes ago, he had thought it was good that Jae-min seemed to have regained his vitality thanks to the bet. Now, Seung-pyo was on the verge of regretting his proposal.
“Just you wait. You’ll regret it.”
“Why would I? I’m going to win anyway.”
“You almost lost last time, so what makes you so confident now?”
Seung-pyo narrowed his eyes slightly and leaned his face closer to Jae-min.
“Listen carefully. If I win, clear your schedule for either Saturday or Sunday—the entire weekend day. I’m going to play with you for at least twelve hours. Doing it in little bits at school every day is just teasing; I can’t stand it anymore.”
He finally voiced the ambition he had harbored during the last midterm exams. At the murderous declaration of war, Jae-min swallowed hard, looking a bit appalled.
However, Jae-min’s eyes also narrowed. His retort was sharp, showing no sign of being intimidated.
“The one thinking those kinds of things is the pervert.”
“Why do you think I’m like this? I learned it all from you.”
“If I stay here any longer, I’ll just keep hearing bullshit. Hey, let’s go. It’s actually hot now.”
Since Jae-min showed no sign of giving up his lips any further, there was no point in enduring the non-air-conditioned practice room. Jae-min flung the door open.
“Wow, I can breathe now,” Jae-min muttered. A refreshing breeze blew in through the wide-open windows; just stepping into the hallway felt much cooler than inside the classroom.
Seung-pyo shoved his fingertips into his pockets and followed bluntly behind Jae-min, who was walking a few steps ahead. Above the straight, white neck that had been rubbing against his lips just moments ago, neatly trimmed black hair fluttered gently in the wind.
Was it because the kind helper lady washed and ironed them every day? Even though Ryu Jae-min’s school shirt had become wrinkled in places from being rubbed and pushed up while their bodies were pressed together, it looked far neater and cleaner than Seung-pyo’s own. The clear, subtle scent he smelled while hugging him might have come from that meticulously maintained uniform.
As he gazed blankly at the picture-perfect silhouette of Jae-min’s back, words he had completely forgotten lately—words he occasionally heard from elderly people when visiting his grandmother’s neighborhood as a child—drifted through the refreshing early summer breeze like specks of black ash.
Poor thing, couldn’t get his mother’s touch since birth, and with the father away every day to feed his sons, it shows he grew up without affection.
But Oh Seung-pyo was so successful. He was tall and handsome enough to be scouted by entertainment agencies, excelled in his studies to the point where he had never left the top tier of the entire school, and was so athletic that the basketball team advisor always regretted he wasn’t more involved; no one looked down on him.
And yet, the neighborhood elders would always click their tongues when they saw Seung-pyo, saying it showed he grew up without affection. When he was young, those looks felt unfair; now, he just scoffed at them, treating them as senile… but, how should he put it?
Looking at Jae-min walking ahead, he felt he could understand a bit of what those elderly people had been trying to say.
Is this what a person who looks like they received affection is like? If you grow up receiving love in a good family, do you all become like Ryu Jae-min?
Even though he flirted with trashy perverts on social media and did things daily with a classmate that would result in at least a suspension if caught, Ryu Jae-min never once looked frivolous or vulgar.
Seung-pyo felt like a block of wood, not yet knowing what he would be carved into, while Ryu Jae-min felt like a piece of art, meticulously finished from head to toe. Of course, even as a block of wood, Oh Seung-pyo would be the highest quality material, incomparable to other lumber.
“Is it because his mother is an art professor?”
“Huh?”
At the grumbling monologue, Jae-min turned his head. For a moment, Seung-pyo forgot to breathe as he met the gaze directed at him.
Summer shade cast over the nonchalantly turning face, making the white skin and the summer shirt look almost tinged with blue. In the blue sky outside the window, dazzling cumulus clouds were billowing up.
Jae-min asked back, “Your mother what?”
“Nothing, I was just wondering if she does sculpture since she’s an art professor.”
“Why all of a sudden? Are you planning to go to art college now?”
“Just wondering.”
When Seung-pyo brushed it off, Jae-min simply looked unimpressed and didn’t press further. Seung-pyo quickly stepped beside Jae-min and changed the subject.
“Have you thought about the conditions for the bet?”
“Roughly.”
“What are they?”
“Still confidential.”
“I already revealed mine. You’re just a petty human being.”
“Who told you to reveal them? You just blabbered on without me even asking.”
The two headed back to the classroom, bickering as usual as if nothing had happened. About a month until final exams, and then summer vacation.
The first semester of their second year, which had felt so long, was finally coming to an end.