By Zephyria 
It wаs аn inferiority соmpleх that had sеереd dееp into him оvеr а very lоng time and through сountlеss eхpеrienсеs. Dо-hyun had аlwaуs been the оne waiting to bе chosen, shаken bу thе anxiety that hе might be abandоnеd аt аnу moment. Нe рrеtended tо bе composеd on thе surfаce, but in thе еnd, hе wаs аlwaуs thе onе in the subordinate positiоn.
‘Teаcher.’
Вut for the first time, hе reсeived аffеction withоut any ultеrior mоtivе. Hе mеt somеоne whо аskеd for nothing аnd simрly gаvе рurеly. Whenever his own reflection appeared in those clear eyes, he was swept away by the illusion that he had become someone truly great.
Six hours a week. A short amount of time that wouldn’t even make up half a day if crammed into one. He poured his attention into Woo-yeon like watering parched land. He flung open his locked heart and gradually expanded his presence in the boy’s life.
It had been two weeks. In just two weeks, Do-hyun had grasped most of Woo-yeon’s traits. For instance, that he didn’t get along with Soo-hyang, that he was secretly a picky eater, or that he had low self-esteem but a strong sense of pride.
Just as he had first felt, Woo-yeon was no mere immature child. The attention from Soo-hyang, which Do-hyun had envied, was ultimately nothing more than a stubbornness that left the child lonely. Because he was young, clumsy, and fragile, he was withering away without even realizing he was lonely.
That must be why. Why Woo-yeon rejoiced like a small child at a single trivial word from him. Why he was moved by minor kindnesses and craved affection like someone starving for warmth.
Interest that began as mere curiosity gradually turned into worry. The guilt he had tried to ignore was also slowly growing in volume. Even though he knew he should have stopped there, Do-hyun ultimately ignored Soo-hyang’s warning.
It was the day of the first festival of his twentieth year. It was a day he couldn’t do tutoring, and a day when Woo-yeon hadn’t replied. While he was feeling anxious, he received a message from Soo-hyang, and the content was not particularly welcome.
‘I sent Woo-yeon home early from school. He hates being alone as it is, and of all times, there’s no one at home. Can you go check on him?’
It didn’t matter that her tone was commanding, nor that she completely ignored his schedule. What mattered were the words that he hated being alone and that no one was at home.
Do-hyun couldn’t hide his restlessness throughout the time he operated the club’s pub. He holed himself up in the back without a moment to serve, organizing recyclables and tidying up things that didn’t even need doing. He acted so much like a puppy needing to pee that Min-jeong, who had kicked everyone else out of the kitchen, pretended not to notice him.
‘You go on. You said you had to go to your part-time job.’
The moment Min-jeong’s words fell, Do-hyun rushed to Woo-yeon. He didn’t even have time to fix his hair, which was flattened from wearing a hat, nor time to change out of the t-shirt that had something like ‘Romantic Pocha’ written on it.
And in the house he ran to, Do-hyun finally invaded Woo-yeon’s heart.
‘Tea… cher… hic…’
He had seen people cry until he was sick of it. At the orphanage, the younger children always cried, and after he grew up, the people he dated cried. But no one had ever flustered Do-hyun this much.
‘What’s wrong, Yeon-ah? Are you okay?’
Do-hyun sank down beside Woo-yeon and patted his trembling back. Seeing him cry like a small child made Do-hyun’s mind go completely blank.
‘Are you hurt somewhere? Look at me, okay?’
Only after a long time did Woo-yeon stop crying. He gasped for breath, not even noticing his glasses being removed, as if he were profoundly sorrowful. Do-hyun wiped the tear-streaked face and placed a hand on his round forehead.
‘Are you done crying?’
Woo-yeon smelled faintly of a baby. It was the scent of the only lotion Woo-yeon used because of his sensitive skin. The fragrance, soft enough to naturally weaken one’s heart, remained in Do-hyun’s chest more deeply than any pheromone.
‘I don’t think you’re sick…’
And then their eyes met. Woo-yeon inhaled sharply, his face flushing red. The blooming of emotion witnessed right before his eyes was so naked that he couldn’t possibly pretend not to notice.
‘….’
Only sixteen years old. A raw child who hadn’t even undergone manifestation yet. A partner with whom romantic feelings were unlikely to develop, and should not develop.
He was aware that he had done something terrible. He should have drawn a line but didn’t, and he should have widened the distance but grew closer. Knowing that acting this way would make the boy like him, he didn’t know how to push him away and instead held him in his arms.
‘…Are you okay now?’
But Do-hyun was simply worried. He worried that something might have happened, worried that he might be sick, and worried that he might fall into depression alone. Even if someone called it arrogance, he was the boy’s only support.
From that day on, Do-hyun noticed Woo-yeon’s feelings growing day by day. After one day, his gaze changed; after another, the color of his face changed. Since there was no one to apply the brakes, it was clear he didn’t know how to stop.
Honestly, it wasn’t bad. No, he was even happy. He had become a special existence, a unique and precious guiding light in the boy’s life. It wasn’t the first time someone had liked him, yet he recklessly indulged in the affection the boy gave.
‘I like you, Teacher.’
But on the day Woo-yeon confessed, Do-hyun belatedly admitted his mistake. That the result of carelessly neglecting his heart had eventually become a responsibility.
And at the same time, he realized.
‘Yeon-ah.’
It might have been Do-hyun, not Woo-yeon, who was entwined in blind affection. Even though he knew Woo-yeon had simply fallen in without a choice, he had ignored it, intoxicated by the occasional sense of superiority. He had been the one truly being permeated, yet he arrogantly believed he was the one taming the other.
‘I’m going to the army.’
The twenty-year-old Do-hyun didn’t know how not to be addicted to a sweetness he had never felt before. It wasn’t simply a matter of romantic feelings; it was a sense of crisis that made his heart race. Having become intoxicated by raw affection, he was simply certain that if things continued this way, he would soon be unable to escape.
‘…I’m sorry.’
He didn’t know if Woo-yeon heard that apology. Do-hyun quit the tutoring and cut off all contact, even changing his phone number. It was clearly an act of avoidance, but he couldn’t think of any other solution. At the words ‘I’ll stop now,’ Soo-hyang let him go without much say.
Every meeting accompanies a parting without a promised return. Relationships that last a lifetime, emotions guaranteed to be eternal—they were all futile things that wouldn’t be strange to end at any moment.
Until then, Do-hyun thought that was a permanent farewell.
* * *
Dawn rose beyond the window. The anger that had been surging as if it would explode became a faint light at some point. Do-hyun blinked his dry eyes a couple of times, covering them with one hand.
“Haa…”
Despite staying up all night, his mind was perfectly clear. Because he had recalled Woo-yeon’s retreating figure over and over, he was able to regain some composure. Although no contact had come from Soo-hyang, that wasn’t a very important factor.
Do-hyun got up from the sofa and entered the bathroom. He planned to wash up and head to school early. Since he couldn’t go by car, he had to walk lightly to cool his head. And if he waited in front of the lecture hall, he might be able to meet Woo-yeon.
‘You’re too late, Teacher.’
“….”
The water from the showerhead poured down coldly. Though he was drenched from head to toe, Do-hyun stood blankly under the water. The pheromones that had been fluctuating incessantly settled quietly to the floor.
From the moment he met Woo-yeon until now, every moment was steeped in regret. The past that he knew but couldn’t change condemned him with every memory. The lies he piled up to cover past mistakes grew larger as he tried to fill the hole in front of him.
In truth, it wasn’t that Do-hyun had no excuses. If he wanted to, there were plenty of ways to coax Woo-yeon. There were enough means to evade and move past this situation, just as he had done until now.
But he didn’t think Woo-yeon would trust him just because he overcame the current crisis. The lingering residue would eventually burst, and there was one more mountain for them to climb.
‘…I don’t even know why you like me.’
‘….’
‘And I don’t know how long you’ll keep liking me…’
Because he had been afraid of being liked, he had been keenly noticed. Woo-yeon seemed to have interpreted the steps Do-hyun took back out of fear of being abandoned as a difference in their feelings. He must have thought that Do-hyun was the one in power and he was the subordinate.
‘Anyway, even if it’s not me, there are probably plenty of people who would like you…’
He knew what the boy was worried about. He must have been afraid and terrified that this relationship would be like a passing breeze. That’s why he couldn’t find the courage, and that’s why he had shrunk back. Without knowing what state of mind Do-hyun was in when he said those things.
‘You’re the only one I like.’
It wasn’t just lip service. If Do-hyun was the only one for Woo-yeon, then among many people, it was only Woo-yeon for Do-hyun. Not having a choice versus having no choice but to choose. The fundamental gap was larger than what Woo-yeon felt.
“What on earth should I do…”
Do-hyun lowered his head and closed his eyes. Water droplets poured endlessly down his wet hair. In his blackened vision, the scene of Woo-yeon drifting away appeared once again.
Yesterday wasn’t the first time he had seen that back. Just a few months ago, on the day of the freshman welcoming party, Do-hyun had watched him leave.
It was the biting cold winter of February.
* * *
For a student with good grades, Do-hyun wasn’t the type to be diligent about school life. He happened to be the club president, but that wasn’t by his own will either. Though he occasionally went to drinking parties, he didn’t even participate in department events.
‘Telling me to come and go, how annoying…’
The reason he went to the freshman welcoming party that day was simply because Ga-ram called him. He would have ignored it if possible, but he couldn’t pretend not to hear her earnest request to just show up for the drinks. The argument that as the club president he had to promote the club also had some persuasiveness.
There were only two things Do-hyun hadn’t expected. That the weather was colder than he thought, and that he met someone completely unexpected there.
‘Ah.’
Normally, he wouldn’t have done something like looking back at a passing stranger. Even if the other person gasped or looked at him, it had nothing to do with Do-hyun. Nevertheless, the reason he turned his gaze was that the pheromone brushing past the tip of his nose was extremely rare.
‘Uh…’
It was a Dominant Omega, which was said to be rare. The fresh pheromone, like an unripe fruit, was incomparable to the Omegas Do-hyun had met. The face looking at him blankly was also an attractive one not easily seen.
‘…Are you an Alpha?’
Before realizing the strangeness of the question, Do-hyun felt a sense of déjà vu. And he replied, blinking slowly.
‘Yes.’
The eyes…
‘I’m an Alpha.’
They look exactly the same.