#48

“Tennessee.”

Tennessee’s gaze locked onto him. Under the gaze of the three of them, Amber headed toward the table. He then began to take out the things he had bought.

Rustle, rustle.

In the quiet hospital room, such awkward and bustling noises spread.

The noble boy’s face gradually turned red.

Ahem. The man behind him cleared his throat. Unbothered in the slightest, Amber moved even more busily, spreading a feast across the table. He took out and set up styrofoam containers, side dishes, and disposable forks and knives wrapped in napkins. Rustle, rustle. He also took out the soda that had come with the combo meal. Ahem. That sound was heard again from somewhere. However, Amber’s face remained as impassive as a thick sheet of iron.

“Did you wait long? Sorry, traffic was bad.”

As he spoke, Amber handed the black coffee he had bought to Tennessee.

“This is your first cup, right?”

Tennessee shook his head as he took the coffee.

“You’ve already had some? How many cups?”

“Two.”

That’s not good.

Ahem! The sound grew louder.

“Oh dear, it seems you’ve caught a cold.”

Amber flashed a smile, pretending to be completely oblivious, and spoke.

“There is a patient here. If you are feeling very unwell, please be considerate of the patient and excuse yourself.”

“My name is Edward. If you don’t mind—”

“Tennessee, no! I’ll buy a new one.”

Amber shouted urgently, stopping Tennessee as he brought the coffee cup to his lips. Amber argued inwardly that he hadn’t cut the other man off on purpose. What else was he supposed to do when Tennessee was trying to consume more caffeine despite already having two cups?

“I’ll buy a decaf one.”

“It’s fine.”

“You said you already had two cups.”

Amber finally succeeded in snatching the coffee from Tennessee’s hand. With words disguised as kindness—telling them to chat while he went to buy the coffee—Amber left the room.

He knew it was childish behavior, but he saw no other way to handle this jealousy.

If I were hurt, would Tennessee willingly throw himself in harm’s way to save me?

Amber let out a deep sigh as he carelessly poured out the steaming black coffee. He turned his head toward the window. The weather was fucking awful.

By the time Amber returned with the decaf coffee, the unwelcome guest had already vanished. And so had the protagonist of the bed. Amber’s expression stiffened reflexively as his gaze shifted to the table. Tennessee was sitting at the table. How on earth! With that body! How did he get into the wheelchair by himself!

Knowing the cafe was right in front of them. Could he not have waited for him just a little bit? Amber’s expression became complicated.

With rough movements, Amber set the coffee down. He pulled out a chair with an ungraceful touch, sat down, and crossed his arms. Silence fell.

Getting into a wheelchair alone was a dangerous act. It was even more dangerous for someone like Tennessee, who wasn’t accustomed to wheelchairs. Wasn’t it only possible because Amber always locked the wheelchair before leaving? It was an action that could lead to serious injury if done wrong, yet Tennessee had gotten into the wheelchair alone and made it to the table.

There was no way Amber’s expression would be pleasant.

“Why are you angry?”

Without a word, Amber opened the styrofoam container and pushed the fork and knife toward him.

“Don’t talk to me as if you’re trying to soothe me.”

Even knowing it was a twisted thought, those words came out. He regretted it the moment he spoke, but the milk had already been spilled.

“Where did you see me soothing anyone?”

It was meant as a pure question, implying he wasn’t trying to soothe him, but to Amber, the question felt different.

“I’ve seen you soothe people with a gun.”

Tennessee brushed off Amber’s sarcasm with familiarity.

“Call me next time. You have a phone.”

Silence descended again. Tennessee took out the Dr Pepper that had been in the bag and pushed it toward Amber. The surface of the cold can, beaded with condensation, touched his fingers. Amber’s tone became considerably softer. It was because he felt he shouldn’t act like a child.

“It’s dangerous to get into the wheelchair alone. You know that.”

In that brief moment, Amber nimbly devised a myriad of reasons. The risk of falling, the strain on the arms and shoulders, the possibility of the IV needle coming loose…

“Yeah.”

“The risk of fall—”

Amber’s mouth, which had just started the engine, shut down as if it had run out of power.

Tennessee silently began his meal. Amber, whose lips had been twitching, soon stopped and remained still.

What do I do?

Amber tried to regain his composure, anxiously tapping his fingers on his knee.

I can’t hug him, right? He’ll get angry, right? I’ll be sent flying like I was hit by a lion’s massive paw, right?

The sight of Tennessee eating the enchiladas he had personally delivered was so cool, harmless, pretty, and cute to Amber. It was truly perfect. The best. He wanted to hug him tightly, leave smacking kisses all over him, and then kiss him deeply.

However, Amber knew how to cherish his own life. He felt this even more because he had only just begun to enjoy life by Tennessee’s side. He didn’t want to get a bullet hole in his forehead by being too clingy.

Come to think of it, the weather is quite lovely today. Tennessee’s lips look so red and pretty while eating nachos.

After being dazed and completely enamored by Tennessee for a long while, Amber only regained his senses when he discovered that Tennessee was staring straight at him.

21 – Chapter

Why are you looking at me like that? Tennessee asked with his eyes. Amber himself wasn’t aware of it, but he had the expression of a plump hen watching a chick chirp while eating feed. This was despite the fact that Tennessee was closer to a black panther that would chew a chick to the bone than a chick himself.

Amber gave a bashful smile. Because I like you. He couldn’t bring himself to say those words.

Having received such a bland answer, Tennessee focused back on his enchiladas. Amber, who had been gazing at him with a contented, goofy smile like a Golden Retriever, only managed to return to being a rational, intellectual adult thirty minutes later.

“Can I ask what it was about?”

“Same business as last time.”

“Work? Are you going to do it?”

“Do you know many jobs that involve sending several people to body bags?”

Tennessee was serious. How could he work when he couldn’t recognize people? Even if his body had been perfectly fine, he didn’t feel much desire to work. Tennessee thought that perhaps it was time to rest. In some quiet place, occasionally fishing or traveling—that kind of daily life wouldn’t be so bad.

“There are plenty of people who can do it even if I don’t. They pay well, too.”

“But they want Tennessee specifically, even among those people.”

They must know there are many replacements. But that probably didn’t matter. It was a feeling Amber knew all too well.

“I have no intention of catering to everyone just because they want me. It’s not like I’m in a position where I have to go whenever I’m called.”

“That’s true.”

He wasn’t wrong. Amber had certainly been jealous of that boy. At the same time, he worried that Tennessee, who was unexpectedly soft in certain areas, might actually accept. However, Tennessee cut it off decisively without even considering it. Amber found Tennessee’s attitude satisfying, yet frightening at the same time. There was no guarantee that the object of such rejection wouldn’t be himself.

Hadn’t he experienced it firsthand?

* * *

That night, Amber woke up to the sound of faint, agonized groans. A thin, aching sound was drifting from somewhere. Amber hurriedly sat up. Tennessee was lying there with his face buried in his palms, letting out faint moans through his teeth.

It sounded like a sob being suppressed, or perhaps a desperate cry for help, as if he were gasping for air.

“Tennessee.”

He told himself he should speak, that he should let him know, but he couldn’t. Standing before the trembling Tennessee, Amber hesitated again. If he raised his voice now, people would flock in to help Tennessee.

But Amber couldn’t do it.

“Tennessee.”

In a soothing voice, Amber gently placed his hand on Tennessee’s shoulder. Tennessee’s body jerked. Don’t be startled. As soon as those words left his mind, Amber was dragged away by a fierce grip. Tennessee had grabbed Amber’s wrist and pulled. His wrist stung.

Amber barely managed to brace himself before colliding hard against Tennessee’s body. Supporting himself with his elbow, he slowly lowered his body. Fortunately, there was enough space beside Tennessee to lie on his side. Turning his body so as not to make Tennessee uncomfortable, Amber moved cautiously. Tennessee’s groans grew louder.

“It’s okay.”

With a light movement, Amber embraced his upper body. He patted him, stroked his cold shoulder, and then pulled him in firmly. Tennessee’s neck, shoulders, and forehead were drenched in sweat from how much he had been perspiring.

“Come here.”

Tennessee, whose entire body was stiff, showed no reaction. His trembling breath collided like a scream. Amber continued to stroke his back. Tennessee, who had flinched at every touch at first, began to accept Amber’s touch after a while. However, just as his breathing seemed to settle, it would turn ragged again, and just as he seemed to be resting peacefully, Tennessee would repeat strange words.

“The… the fire… have to put out the fire.”

It was the dead of night.

“There is no fire, Tennessee.”

“Put it out. My eyes hurt.”

“There’s nothing there.”

Amber tried, but Tennessee repeated those words like a mantra. Sometimes it was fire, sometimes it was a sound, and sometimes he just murmured for it to stop. Amber pulled him closer again. He enveloped him, as if hiding him from the sight of the Creator, holding him tight.

“Fire…”

“There’s nothing there.”

When Amber said that, his shoulder was gripped violently. Amber almost groaned from the pain but kept his lips tightly shut.

“Did you put it out?”

“Yes.”

There had been several irregular seizures before, but Tennessee had never properly responded to Amber’s words. But today was different. Look. There’s nothing. Tennessee, it’s okay. Don’t be in pain.

Every time he said those words, the grip of Tennessee’s hand slowly loosened.

“Look, it’s dark.”

Amber stroked Tennessee’s sweat-soaked, messy hair. He whispered in a very low voice. When Tennessee had these seizures, he was sensitive to touch and noise. If there was even a slightly loud sound or a sudden movement, he couldn’t calm down at all.

After some time, Amber watched as Tennessee’s hand, which had been clutching his shoulder, fell away powerlessly.

“…Thanks.”

It was a small greeting. Amber forced a smile because he felt tears welling up. It was a cracked voice.

“You’re welcome.”

Amber replied, keeping his body close, leaving only enough space to touch Tennessee. To think he was thanking him. A thank you for putting out a fire that didn’t exist.