#30

Tennessee intended to sit for just a moment while waiting for Amber. Just a moment. His body felt strangely languid. Leaning against the back of the sofa, Tennessee closed his eyes for a bit.

He had fallen into a light sleep in that state.

Perhaps having washed with cold water, cold skin touched the back of his hand. Tennessee struggled to overcome the sudden wave of drowsiness and opened his eyes. It was Amber.

“Are you sleepy, Tennessee?”

“A little.”

“Then sleep. I’ll tell Elizabeth again. It’s not even late yet.”

Tennessee looked at the clock. Although it was a languid afternoon, Tennessee had never taken a nap. He had closed his eyes briefly when suffering from sleep deprivation, but that was closer to his exhausted body collapsing than a nap.

Since he wasn’t naturally a heavy sleeper, he shouldn’t have been particularly sleepy today. Yet, strangely, sleep rushed in like a tide. At first, it was a weak drowsiness, but the more he tried to fight it, the stronger the pull became. It was as if he had fallen into a sand pit.

Leaning against the backrest, Tennessee slowly closed his eyes.

Sleep well. Along with those words, he thought he felt a certain scent brush past the tip of his nose. His body grew so much, but that unique scent hasn’t changed. With that thought, Tennessee slowly drifted into sleep.

Tennessee snapped his eyes open at a sudden horn. The horn sounded several times and then went quiet.

The commotion was brief, but Tennessee was already awake.

He felt as if he had caught up on a whole week’s worth of sleep.

With a clear head, Tennessee blinked a couple of times. He had certainly been sitting, but he was now lying on the sofa just as he had been last night.

Without lifting his body, he simply turned his head and found Amber sitting opposite him. He was sitting on the couch, reading something.

Sensing Tennessee’s presence, Amber looked up. Their blue eyes met.

“Hello, Tennessee.”

Amber greeted him. Keeping his gaze on Amber, Tennessee chuckled.

“Hello, Amber.”

Tennessee finally felt the reality of their reunion. It had been three years.

* * *

Looking at the scenery where the sun had already set and grown dark, Tennessee sighed. The night view of Chicago was so bright that it occasionally stole one’s soul.

Amber turned his head toward the window. Sitting blankly in this bustling and noisy place, Amber lacked the clumsiness or awkwardness typical of that age.

The boys of Amber’s age that Tennessee knew were like that. Noisy, always wanting to belong somewhere, and having something they would risk their lives for. Friends, girls, sports, grades, and such. They poured all their strength and effort into things that seemed great at the time but were nothing in the long run, and paradoxically, that made the boys of that age special.

However, such a feeling could not be found in Amber. The only thing Amber had in common with boys his age was that he looked as if he were lost. Wandering, full of confusion, not knowing where to place his heart.

Despite that, Amber seemed somewhat detached. Because of an aura that suggested he had little interest in making family, friends, or lovers, there were times when Amber felt exceptionally mature.

Perhaps it was because of the things Amber had experienced as a child. Even if he wore nice clothes, went to an expensive private school, and received much love from his family, such memories did not replace those nightmares. They were simply piled on top of them. Just as it was for him and many others, Tennessee only hoped that good memories would cover the despair so that one day it would no longer be visible.

“Let’s go.”

The sun had already set and it was late, but Tennessee decided it was better to take him even if it was late. Amber hurriedly prepared to leave. They could eat dinner on the way.

As Tennessee moved to find his wallet and keys, the doorbell rang.

It wasn’t a time for guests to visit, and there weren’t many guests who would seek out Tennessee.

Taking out his gun, Tennessee looked outside through the small lens.

“Who is it?”

At Amber’s question, Tennessee chose his words. Then, he opened the door first. It was Kaelen.

“It’s been a while, Tennessee.”

This place was unfamiliar to Kaelen, but she didn’t mind and stepped inside without hesitation. In any case, there weren’t many places familiar to her and Tennessee. Kuala Lumpur, Kabul, Baghdad… they were all foreign lands.

“…Huh?”

While taking off her coat, Kaelen discovered a boy staring intently at her.

“You… were Amber, right?”

He’s much bigger than in the photos!

Kaelen greeted him happily, but no expression could be found on Amber’s face. Kaelen looked back and forth between Amber and Tennessee, then put the coat back on that she had been trying to remove.

“Then today won’t work, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When would be good?”

“I’ll contact you.”

Tennessee’s short answer was sufficient, and Kaelen exited as quickly as a storm, just as she had entered.

Clearly, a woman had come in, spoken familiarly with Tennessee, and left, yet Tennessee didn’t say a single word about it. Tennessee finished preparing to leave as if nothing had happened.

“Who is that?”

“Someone I work with.”

“Someone you work with…”

Then, Amber’s eyes widened. A drawer that had been kept shut in his memory swung wide open.

Amber remembered Kaelen’s face. It was hard to forget. She was the woman who had first awakened the thick emotion of jealousy in Amber.

In Amber’s memory, Kaelen had her soft brown hair flowing long. And while looking at Tennessee, she would occasionally tuck her hair behind her ear and fiddle with the ends.

“That person is that person, the one I saw at the club before.”

Tennessee hadn’t expected Amber to remember her. As he couldn’t hide his surprise, Amber asked.

“You told Megan to ban that person from the club. So how did you meet?”

“Get out.”

“Tennessee.”

Amber bit his lip anxiously. Following behind Tennessee, who had already stepped out the front door, Amber asked again.

“What is your relationship with that person?”

The sight of Tennessee’s back as he descended the stairs was etched into Amber’s eyes with an almost enchanting intensity. As much as that image appeared attractive to Amber—perhaps even more so—Tennessee was indifferent.

“Whatever my relationship with that woman is, it’s none of your business.”

After throwing those words out, Tennessee waited for Amber at the landing. While he pushed people away with his words, his actual actions were not heartless. At least to Amber, he was that contradictory.

“Let’s go.”

Because Tennessee’s words were not wrong, Amber could not pry further. Whatever he did with a woman, or whatever relationship he had with a man, it was none of his business. It was a piercingly cold reality.

Still, ‘I’ll contact you.’ He hadn’t even contacted me properly, so how does that woman approach Tennessee so easily? She even knew the address here.

Amber came to a sudden halt.

Tennessee hadn’t changed. He was as heartless as ever. At the same time, Amber remembered that for Tennessee, demands worked better than questions, and whining worked better than demands.

“I don’t want to go.”

“What?”

“I’ll go tomorrow. Give me a ride tomorrow.”

Tennessee checked the time. Seeing him clearly contemplating for a brief moment, Amber quickly moved to persuade him.

“I want to go like we used to, playing music loudly, eating snacks, and looking at the scenery outside.”

“We can do that now.”

“It’s too late now.”

“….”

Amber instinctively felt that he had won.

He should have just kept being strict. He was definitely weak when it came to him.

When he opened his eyes in the morning, the first thing Tennessee saw was a brightly beaming Amber. Amber was so happy that overflowing joy was visible. Looking at the table, there was a road trip snack pack that Amber had put together in his own way. There was so much luggage that he wondered why he hadn’t woken up while Amber was packing this and that. On one side of the table lay a receipt and some change. He had used his own money to buy snacks nearby.

“…I’ll pay you back.”

When Tennessee stared at the receipt and questioned him, Amber apologized in a crawling voice.

“You don’t need to keep receipts from now on.”

He hadn’t intended to scold him.

While Tennessee showered, Amber tidied up the house. It was a home that was originally so spotless it felt devoid of warmth, but after a few days of Amber staying there, it had taken on a lived-in feel. Amber hummed a tune while doing the chores. Though he wasn’t happy about returning home, the journey back to Michigan with Tennessee felt like a trip. It reminded him of their previous road trip.

Once Tennessee got into the car, Amber pulled out the things he had packed.

“This is water for you, Tennessee. And these are napkins and snacks.”

What Amber pulled out were Lunchables.

They were the same things Tennessee had given him to eat when they first met.

“Where’s your Mountain Dew?”

“It wasn’t in the fridge.”

“You drank it all?”

He thought he had bought two six-packs last time.

Sensing Tennessee’s gaze, Amber looked at him with sparkling eyes. He fumbled to pull out some cash and showed it to him, signaling that they should stop and buy more. With a cool smile, Tennessee started the car.

The weather was one of the best days of the year. The car Amber had brought had a sunroof. He opened the sunroof all the way and rolled down all the windows. The cool breeze brushed against his forehead and whipped through his hair. When he turned the music up loud, the vibration of the bass caused the driver’s and passenger’s seats to tremble slightly. Contrary to Amber’s expectation that he would be told it was too noisy, Tennessee didn’t say a word.

Around the car, which was speeding at nearly 80 miles per hour, there were landscapes he had never noticed before. Even though it wasn’t a breathtakingly beautiful vista that would naturally draw an exclamation, Amber felt his heart swell.

It felt like going back to that time. When no one else in the world existed except for him and Tennessee. When he spent every single day with him.

Facing the rushing wind, Amber smiled faintly. Country music, which Tennessee liked, flowed from the radio. The sun illuminated everything brightly. It felt as if sprouts would bloom wherever the sunlight touched. Amber squinted and looked at Tennessee. He couldn’t see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but Amber burst into laughter upon seeing the definite curve of his lips.

He was alive. It was a moment where he could feel his own vitality.