By Zephyria 
He didn’t seem entirely convinced, but the tension in Jang Ui-geon’s eyes softened slightly. At the sound of a feigned sigh and the words, “I’m telling you, I’m worried,” Seo Chi-young could only bow his head shyly.
“Come to think of it,” Jang Ui-geon said, a hint of a laugh in his voice as if he found the situation awkward.
“I’m not really in a position to talk. Now that I think about it, I was that drunk customer who passed out cold at your shop a while ago and caused you trouble.”
“Huh? Oh… it’s, it’s okay. That’s nothing…”
“I heard you moved me all by yourself that day. Jun-young told me he felt sorry because he couldn’t help you since he was being dragged away by Kang-hee, and he asked me to pass along his apologies.”
There was no need for him to pass it along; Chi-young had already heard it directly when they crossed paths while stir-frying gopchang at the shop—a simple “Sorry about that day.”
As Jang Ui-geon rubbed his chin with an awkward gaze, Seo Chi-young shook his head.
“Even if it’s not that far from your shop to your house, you must have been quite heavy for Chi-young-ssi to move… I’m sorry.”
“Uh, well, you were heavy, but not so heavy that I couldn’t carry you, so it’s fine.”
“It would have been easier if it were the other way around. If you had collapsed, I could have easily picked you up in my arms.”
“……, …….I’m not that light either.”
Seo Chi-young wasn’t particularly thin or small, but he had always been slightly envious of Jang Ui-geon’s large and imposing build, so he found himself muttering somewhat gloomily without realizing it.
“No, I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” Jang Ui-geon began to explain quickly, but realizing that anything he said now would sound like an excuse, he sighed and scratched his head.
“It’s just that… I’m stupidly strong. When Kang-hee passed out from drinking, I carried him on my back for five kilometers along a mountain path.”
If he could carry Kwon Kang-hee, who was above average build, for five kilometers on a mountain path, then carrying Seo Chi-young for a few hundred meters down an alleyway would indeed be nothing.
Seo Chi-young nodded obediently, looking at Jang Ui-geon with admiration. Jang Ui-geon looked at Seo Chi-young, who was staring at him with wide eyes, and turned his head with a laugh.
“Chi-young-ssi, you’re not actually the same age as me, are you?”
“Huh?.. ……If you entered school a year early, Ui-geon-ssi, then I’m probably a year older.”
He didn’t know why he was asking, but seeing Seo Chi-young answer seriously after a moment of thought, Jang Ui-geon laughed out loud this time.
“Haha, ahaha, then I guess we are the same age. …….Ahaha, but somehow it doesn’t feel like it…”
“We are,” he claimed softly, but Jang Ui-geon didn’t seem to be listening. Unable to tell if it was a compliment or a tease, Seo Chi-young simply scratched his head.
Suddenly, Jang Ui-geon’s laughter subsided. He gazed down at Seo Chi-young, and when Seo Chi-young looked up curiously, he somehow averted his eyes. Looking down at the short trees whose leaves were beginning to change color, he finally asked after a while.
“Did I say anything strange that day?”
Hearing the words tinged with a faint hesitation, Seo Chi-young fell silent. The words he had spoken that day—the day he had collapsed in a drunken stupor—came back to his mind.
Jun-young, it’s hard. A pitiful voice, appealing several times in a powerless tone. A sigh, admitting that even though he knew he shouldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of his feelings for him.
“……No, not really.”
As Seo Chi-young murmured while dropping his gaze, only then did Jang Ui-geon look back at him. He could feel the gaze falling upon his face, but Seo Chi-young did not lift his eyes.
“Did you really not say anything?”
“I, I didn’t.”
In times like this, he hated his own inability to lie. He answered briefly without meeting the other’s eyes, hoping he wouldn’t ask further.
A period of silence followed. Seo Chi-young stared only at his hands resting on his lap, and Jang Ui-geon looked down at him before letting out a light sigh.
“That’s a relief.”
Hearing the voice tinged with a faint smile, Seo Chi-young lifted his gaze slightly. Seeing the smile lines at the corners of Jang Ui-geon’s eyes, Seo Chi-young felt a bit more at ease.
“No, I just felt like I might have said something a bit embarrassing if anyone heard… whether it was a dream or not…”
Jang Ui-geon smiled shyly and rubbed the back of his neck. Seo Chi-young quickly shook his head and added, “You just slept. Soundly.” Seeing Jang Ui-geon smile as if relieved, Seo Chi-young finally smiled too.
Just as his heart lightened and a smile lingered on his lips, Seo Chi-young’s phone, which had been left on the porch, beeped again. This time, the sender was the man working in the shop’s kitchen. ‘One more serving added, customer expansion—Jung Beom-yong.’ After reading the few words of blunt humor, Seo Chi-young laughed. ‘Thank you. I will serve them with care.’ Seo Chi-young sent a reply with a few words added.
“Was that the person from your workplace again?”
Jang Ui-geon, who had been watching silently from the side, asked as Seo Chi-young closed his phone after confirming the transmission. With a smile still on his face, Seo Chi-young looked up at Jang Ui-geon and nodded.
“I see…….. You’re quite popular, Chi-young-ssi.”
“Huh? Uh.., it’s not me, the gopchang is popular.”
Seo Chi-young smiled shyly. It was true that the gopchang was popular. On days when Seo Chi-young entered the kitchen with the ingredients, there were already four or five people waiting with faces full of anticipation. The only one who looked dissatisfied was Yoon Jun-young, whose portion unexpectedly decreased. And perhaps Kwon Kang-hee, who would check Yoon Jun-young’s mood from behind while pretending not to.
Jang Ui-geon, who had been silently watching the smiling Seo Chi-young, asked in a still gentle voice, though his expression had somehow subtly lost its smile.
“Is there anyone… decent?”
“Uh.., just, everyone is a good person.”
“Not that.., I mean, for example, someone who catches your eye for some reason, you know. Someone you develop a liking for while working together.”
“A liking…”
If there was someone he was conscious of liking—though they didn’t work together—it would be Yoon Jun-young, or someone who caught his attention…
Thinking that far, Seo Chi-young suddenly remembered the small body that had hugged him not long ago, and he unconsciously blushed. It wasn’t that he had suddenly developed some feeling about the fact that it was a woman. It was just the first time he had felt a small warmth that fit perfectly in his arms.
No, but it wasn’t to the extent that it weighed on his mind. Though it did linger in his heart in a slightly different sense.
Seo Chi-young looked down at his lap and shook his head.
“Uh.., not really, anyone.”
However, no answer came back for a moment. Realizing the subtle silence a beat late, Seo Chi-young looked up curiously and met the eyes of Jang Ui-geon, who had been silently staring at him. His smile-less face was strangely searching Seo Chi-young’s expression, as if he had heard something incredibly bizarre.
“Really?”
“……? Yes, really…”
Seo Chi-young blinked, bewildered. Jang Ui-geon, who had been gazing intently at him, slowly nodded. “I see,” he murmured, his voice sounding somewhat absent, as if he were thinking of something else.
Seo Chi-young awkwardly scratched his neck and dropped his gaze.
But someone he was curious about or had a liking for…
Suddenly, the words he had said to her came to mind.
—I don’t think I could like anyone more than the person I like right now.
He felt that was still true. Right now, no matter how much he thought about it, he didn’t think anyone would appear whom he could like more than the man in front of him.
Perhaps it would change as time passed and feelings faded or shifted, but for now, it was so.
Maybe Jang Ui-geon felt similarly. Thinking that even if it changed one day, he wouldn’t like anyone else more than this person right now.
“……..”
How lonely and desolate a state of mind must that be.
Seo Chi-young silently looked down at his lap and interlaced his fingers. Who could comfort him? …..Please, someone.
“Ui, Ui-geon-ssi…”
When Seo Chi-young suddenly spoke, Jang Ui-geon, who had been lost in thought while looking at the front yard, looked back.
“Um.., at the club, is there anyone… decent or someone you have a liking for…?”
Hearing Seo Chi-young’s hesitant mumbling, Jang Ui-geon’s expression momentarily stiffened. Furrowing his brows, he answered immediately in a somewhat flustered tone.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Huh?”
When Seo Chi-young asked back, bewildered by the answer that subtly missed the question, Jang Ui-geon clicked his tongue.
“I went to the club a few times to meet people, …..and there were times I went to a hotel together, but still, I didn’t do anything. Really.”
It was still missing the question, but Seo Chi-young suddenly remembered something he had heard recently and hurriedly nodded. Come to think of it, something like that had come up. There had been a brief mention of erectile dysfunction or something.
“…….”
“…….”
Jang Ui-geon seemed to have seen right through exactly what Seo Chi-young had just imagined. His face, which had momentarily stiffened, immediately turned serious as he looked straight at Seo Chi-young.
“No, the reason I didn’t do anything isn’t because of some strange reason. It’s just that it wouldn’t get hard—no, that’s not it…”
“….., You don’t have to tell me on purpose.”
“Wait a minute, I think you’re seriously misunderstanding something, Chi-young-ssi. That’s not it…”
Jang Ui-geon’s complexion darkened as he looked at Seo Chi-young, whose expression clearly showed he was trying hard to hide a very depressed and pitiful look. With a face full of things he wanted to say, his lips moved, but in the end, he let out a sigh that sounded like a groan and rubbed the deep wrinkle between his brows.
“……. I don’t have erectile dysfunction. It gets hard. It’s up when I wake up in the morning, and I can masturbate. I can make it stand whenever I feel like it.”
Jang Ui-geon spoke in a blunt, clipped tone, as if leaving no room for doubt. Seo Chi-young had no choice but to quietly nod. He heard the sound of Jang Ui-geon sighing. He must have been shocked himself that he had to say such things in this situation.
Jang Ui-geon looked at Seo Chi-young with a face that looked as if several days’ worth of fatigue had suddenly hit him. Then, he suddenly murmured.
“Want me to show you?”
“Huh?” Seo Chi-young stared at Jang Ui-geon with wide eyes. Seeing Jang Ui-geon gesture with his chin toward his crotch, Seo Chi-young straightened his back.
“N-n-no. That’s okay. I believe you. Really.”
As Seo Chi-young waved his hands, not knowing what to do with his wide eyes, a faint smile appeared on Jang Ui-geon’s face. Only then did Seo Chi-young realize it had been a joke, and he relaxed his tense shoulders and bowed his head awkwardly.
Sometimes, this man is surprisingly mischievous… Then again, thinking back, he was cheerful and reliable in the past, but he often played light pranks on his friends.
He heard Jang Ui-geon laughing softly. As the laughter slowly subsided, Jang Ui-geon rubbed his chin for a moment and spoke.
“It’s a bit awkward to say it myself, but I’m quite popular.”
Seo Chi-young nodded obediently to Jang Ui-geon’s words, which were spoken with a bit of shyness but a confident smile. He knew. Ever since Seo Chi-young first met him, he had always been popular. Whether with men or women, in whatever sense, he was always at the center of people’s attention.
“When I go to the club, there are several people who strike up conversations. Women outside are the same. …..Sometimes I have relationships with those people.”
Seo Chi-young nodded again.
“But despite how I look, I’m the single-minded type. When there’s someone I like, I don’t look anywhere else.”
After a brief pause, Jang Ui-geon continued, and Seo Chi-young remained silent for a moment before nodding again.
Seo Chi-young also knew how long he had liked Yoon Jun-young. Even now, in a situation where he had no choice but to give up.
“Yes. ……I know.”
Seo Chi-young murmured with a faint smile.
However, the moment Seo Chi-young answered quietly, a look of flustered confusion suddenly crossed Jang Ui-geon’s face. An “Oh” expression, mixed with a sense of failure, appeared for a moment.
“No, but…”
But he stopped mid-sentence. The way he stroked his chin was somehow anxious. Facing Seo Chi-young, who was looking up at him curiously, he ended up sliding the hand that had been covering his chin all the way up over his face. “I’m gonna die, seriously…” the low whisper blurred into a sigh.
As Seo Chi-young looked at him pityingly, Jang Ui-geon, who had been stroking his face while looking away, took a deep breath.
“…..Are you okay?”
“……Probably.”
Responding briefly to Seo Chi-young’s worried question, Jang Ui-geon looked at him with a face devoid of a smile. Seo Chi-young instinctively hunched his shoulders but faced him silently.
Perhaps it was just his imagination, but Jang Ui-geon looked somewhat defeated.
Was it because he didn’t look anywhere else when there was someone he liked?
Seo Chi-young’s heart throbbed, and he took a deep breath. He didn’t have the audacity to think he could replace Yoon Jun-young. He just hoped that someone…
“It’ll be okay.”
Seo Chi-young said quietly. At that, Jang Ui-geon made a strange face. He gazed at Seo Chi-young for a moment and then suddenly let out a clumsy chuckle.
“What will be?”
“Everything… everything.”
Repeating “everything,” Jang Ui-geon chuckled. Seeing the smile return to his eyes, Seo Chi-young smiled a little too.
Returning to his usual kind and cheerful expression, Jang Ui-geon clicked his tongue lightly and lay down on the porch. Lying long with his head right next to Seo Chi-young’s leg, Jang Ui-geon slowly slid his body up and used Seo Chi-young’s thigh as a pillow. At the heavy pressure on his thigh, Seo Chi-young let out a small “Oh,” and from beneath him, Jang Ui-geon looked up with a smile in his eyes.
“You’re right. It’ll be okay. My head is a total mess, but since you said so, Chi-young-ssi, I feel like it really will be okay.”
Seo Chi-young smiled shyly. Then, he realized the downside of this position. Since Jang Ui-geon was looking up from directly below, he couldn’t bow his head to hide his expression, even if he felt awkward. He could only turn his gaze away.
But before Seo Chi-young could turn his gaze, Jang Ui-geon closed his eyes first. Closing his eyes comfortably as if he were about to take a pleasant nap, he murmured with a languid breath.
“Pluck out my grey hairs.”
“You… don’t have any grey hairs.”
Seo Chi-young murmured, absentmindedly rummaging through Jang Ui-geon’s hair with his fingertips. He had searched thoroughly before and hadn’t found a single one; the hair was still pitch black. However, Jang Ui-geon, who seemed to have no grey hairs at all, stubbornly insisted with his eyes closed.
“It must have been too dark to see back then. It’s bright now, so you’ll see them.”
“Uh.., there aren’t any…”
“Or maybe new ones grew. I’ve been through a lot lately, so there must be at least one or two.”
Jang Ui-geon seemed to have no intention of moving and turned on his side. Through a thin cotton shirt, the warm temperature of his forehead touched Seo Chi-young’s stomach. Seo Chi-young hesitated, then began to brush through Jang Ui-geon’s hair strand by strand with an uncertain touch.
The soft hair wound around his fingers and slipped away. Looking under the sunlight, the hair wasn’t black but a deep brown. While rummaging, he saw one light-colored hair mixed in, but since it wasn’t grey, he left it alone. As expected, there seemed to be no grey hairs.
While Seo Chi-young held Jang Ui-geon’s head and diligently searched through his hair, his breathing gradually became peaceful. Was he sleeping? Then again, his father used to fall asleep whenever Seo Chi-young rummaged through his hair.
As Seo Chi-young smiled, recalling the old memory, Jang Ui-geon murmured languidly.
“Chi-young-ssi, you’re… a really good person.”
Thinking he was asleep, the sudden murmur made Seo Chi-young stop his fingers for a moment, but he soon smiled shyly.
“….Thank you. …..Ui-geon-ssi, you’re a good person too.”
Instead of answering, Jang Ui-geon smiled with his eyes closed.
“I can’t quite tell.”
Still in a languid voice—perhaps a voice half-asleep—Jang Ui-geon murmured as if talking to himself.
“No matter how hard I try to think about it, my thoughts just stop halfway, so I couldn’t tell… but now I feel like I might understand a little.”
“…….?”
“…..But in the end, I still don’t really know… yeah.”
“…. I hope you figure it out soon.”
It sounded more like a monologue whispered to himself than something said to Seo Chi-young. Chi-young wondered if he should respond or if it would be better to stay quiet, before eventually replying softly, “I’m not quite sure what it is, either.” At that, Jang Ui-geon let out a small chuckle.
Closing his eyes as if dreaming a pleasant dream, he fell silent again, and Chi-young continued to fiddle with his hair. The light touch of fingers parting his hair might have been ticklish, but he simply left his head in Chi-young’s hands, breathing steadily.
“There are no white hairs.”
Even after searching thoroughly, as expected, no white hairs were found. Chi-young spoke as he gave his hair one final, light stroke. However, as Chi-young began to straighten up, as if he had finished his search, Jang Ui-geon clung closer to him and grumbled.
“No. I’m telling you, there are… look again. I’m sure there are.”
His languid voice sounded exactly like a child fussing before sleep. Chi-young looked down at him awkwardly and murmured, “There really aren’t any…” while slowly stroking his hair again.
Jang Ui-geon, who had been resting his head on Chi-young’s thigh with his face pressed close, suddenly paused.
“It smells delicious.”
As if trying to catch the scent, Jang Ui-geon murmured, burying his face a bit deeper into Chi-young’s stomach. The sensation of lips moving near his side was transmitted ticklishly through the fabric, causing Chi-young to instinctively flinch and shrink back.
Jang Ui-geon opened his eyes. Contrary to his sleepy, languid voice, a clear gaze looked up at Chi-young. Suddenly flustered by the eye contact, Chi-young blurted out whatever came to mind.
“Uh.., ah, I grilled some fish this morning …, so I think the smell clung to me. Um, I grilled some skewers. Mackerel is in season right now. So, uh, the smell is delicious too.”
Only after saying it did he realize how foolish it sounded, but since he couldn’t do anything about his reddening face, he had no choice but to keep talking.
“Oh, and gizzard shad is also delicious these days. It’s good grilled, and as sashimi… but it has a lot of tiny bones, so for children to eat…”
“Do you like fish?”
“Huh? Uh.., yes. I like it. I can’t eat fermented skate that’s too strong, but I like most common fish…”
“I like it too. Fresh, savory… just the smell stimulates my appetite. …..Mackerel, huh… I didn’t know it would smell this delicious.”
After playing along for a few words with Chi-young’s rambling, Jang Ui-geon seemed to smile slightly. He buried his face back into Chi-young’s stomach. The breath he repeatedly inhaled and exhaled deeply was ticklish, and Chi-young struggled to suppress his body, which kept twitching involuntarily.
“Why are you trembling so much?”
A low voice spoke with a hint of laughter. Because he spoke with his mouth against his side, Chi-young’s body flinched again. Chi-young murmured as if he were about to cry.
“It’s, it’s ticklish…”
“If this is ticklish, how do you usually… …….Ah, now that I think about it, Chi-young-ssi, you were very sensitive. Right, you were. No matter where I touched…”
As if suddenly remembering, Jang Ui-geon murmured that he had been, and then at some point, he fell silent. Chi-young also fell silent.
Words spoken without much thought had revived a memory from the past.
Sensitive—since he had never thought that of himself and had rarely heard it from others, he could immediately recall when he had heard those words from Jang Ui-geon. It was the only awkward memory remaining between them.
Back then, Jang Ui-geon had also placed his face against Chi-young’s stomach. A single memory where there was no fabric between them, and skin met skin in every hidden corner.
“……..”
Chi-young shut his mouth tight and turned his head away. It was then.
Just as it seemed Jang Ui-geon was burying his face deeper into Chi-young’s stomach, he suddenly sat up. Startled by the abrupt movement, Chi-young shrank back, and Jang Ui-geon sat with his back turned to him.
“Uh.. um..”
In the midst of an incredibly uncomfortable and awkward silence, Chi-young felt he had to say something and opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. No, his mind was such a tangled mess that words wouldn’t come out properly. His face was simply burning hot, and he desperately hoped that the other man would not look back at this moment.
“That.., I, I’ve always been very ticklish.. ah, since I was very young. So whenever my mother bathed me, she’d slap my bottom and scold me, asking what kind of boy is this ticklish…”
He didn’t even know what he was saying. His mind was filled only with the hope that his face would cool down soon.
As if Chi-young’s desperate wish had been granted, Jang Ui-geon, who had been facing away, suddenly stood up. Shoving his feet into his shoes haphazardly, he stepped off the porch, leaving only a blunt “Excuse me for a moment” before heading down the stone steps. Without looking back, Jang Ui-geon strode away from the main house, and the sound of the wooden door closing with a small thud followed.
Listening blankly to the footsteps quickly fading beyond the wall, Chi-young sat frozen, blinking his eyes.
“……..? …….”
For some reason, it felt like he was annoyed. A flicker of worry crossed his mind, but more than that, his first thought was that it was a relief.
If he had looked back, he would have undoubtedly seen Chi-young’s bright red face, his heart hammering loudly, and the expression he couldn’t hide.
Although Jang Ui-geon already knew that Chi-young liked him, knowing it intellectually was a different matter from having it thrust in front of one’s eyes. He didn’t want to see that smile—the one that would likely be apologetic and awkward.
“No. ….Chi-young, Seo Chi-young. Please.. let’s not do that.”
Chi-young bowed his head deeply, clutching both knees, and murmured as if he were about to cry.
Fortunately, as he took one, two deep breaths, filling his lungs with cold air, his racing heart gradually calmed down. Rubbing the spot over his heart that was beating normally again and wiping his now-cooled face, Chi-young let out a long sigh. Then, he looked at the door through which Jang Ui-geon had left.
He wondered why he had suddenly left, and then he looked at the sun casting long shadows under the eaves. It had already dipped low. It seemed the day would end in an hour or two.
Once today ended, he realized he wouldn’t have another leisurely holiday like this with him for a while.
While he was dwelling on that regretful thought, Jang Ui-geon returned. Returning with a slightly stiff expression, he sat beside Chi-young without a word. Then, he held out a cup. Chi-young took the cup filled with clear water, looking at him in confusion.
“I just scooped some up. My chest felt hot, so I went to drink some cold water, and I thought Chi-young-ssi might be thirsty too.”
As he spoke while looking down at the inner courtyard, Chi-young murmured a small “Thank you.”
He wasn’t particularly thirsty, but unable to withstand the flowing silence, Chi-young drank the water sip by sip. Beside him, Jang Ui-geon, who had been lost in thought as if staring down the courtyard, spoke.
“Chi-young-ssi, by any chance, are you still…”
However, as if about to ask something, he paused and closed his mouth again. His voice was low as he murmured, “It’s nothing.”
Unable to tell what words were meant to follow that low “by any chance, are you still,” Chi-young looked at Jang Ui-geon for a moment, but he remained silent, seemingly with no intention of continuing.
Silence flowed for a while.
After some time, Jang Ui-geon suddenly let out a long sigh. Ending the silence, Jang Ui-geon turned to Chi-young with a face that looked the same as usual. After blinking a couple of times while meeting Chi-young’s gaze, he gave a small smirk.
“It’ll get better.”
“……, Yes.”
Chi-young nodded. Though he wasn’t sure, he hoped that it would surely become so.
“Right,” Jang Ui-geon murmured, nodding slowly as well. After staring into the air in silence for a moment, he lay down on the porch again. And slowly—almost cautiously—he rested his head on Chi-young’s thigh. This time, he lay with his face toward the courtyard, and Chi-young inwardly sighed in relief.
From beneath him, he heard Jang Ui-geon murmur like a sigh.
“Look for them again. If no white hairs have appeared this time either… I might have black hair until the day I die.”