By Zephyria 
“I have no intention of choosing someone like you. So, stop talking nonsense. I’m tired of being deceived by you.”
It was a clear rejection. Allen just looked at me with a relaxed smile, as if he wasn’t surprised at all, even annoyingly so. It meant that I couldn’t possibly find any other clever way without choosing him. I was frustrated, but it was true. If I could just close my eyes and let others step onto a comfortable path… maybe that would be the right thing to do. It was also true that I had wronged everyone in my first life.
But.
“Because of me? You should get your facts straight. Why is it because of me?”
“Interesting. Then who do you think it’s because of?”
“Because of you.”
“What?”
I raised my voice with a feeling of gritting my teeth. I straightened my spine and glared. Even if it was just useless bravado, I needed to gather everything I had, even what I didn’t have. I absolutely refused to be pushed over here and swept away according to his will.
“Didn’t you understand? It’s because of you. You’re the one who messed everything up, not me… You were the root of all evil from the beginning.”
“…Noah Hamilton.”
Ironically, Allen, who had been leisurely until now, only lost his composure after hearing that he was the root of all evil, shattering the ease he had been wearing like armor. A subtle anger seeped into his low voice. But I didn’t waver. There would be many things that would shake me in the future. The crude God in front of me, who was trying to chop down the narrow bridge I was standing on with a blue ax blade until I achieved complete victory, and the reed wind that would blow incessantly from within me, were both like that. So I needed it. Even if it was just a barely squeezed out, terrible, conviction about myself.
“I’m sorry to Adrian, and to everyone else. That’s right. They were unnecessarily entangled with me and suffered mental anguish, and will continue to suffer in the future.”
“Yes. So, if you’re sorry to them, you should choose me. That’s the only way to save them, you know? Why can’t you understand? Really…”
I could vividly hear his voice buried in the ellipsis that seemed absurd. Why are you so impatient, Noah. Why are you so foolish. The cruel voice that had whispered in my mind countless times while a mere creature, unable to understand the will of the great God, was drying up and going crazy.
As much as I loved him, the rebuke in that voice was effective. I couldn’t bring myself to resent him completely. If I could just endure quietly according to his will, I would later enjoy a perfect eternity without any deficiencies. I hated myself more than anyone else for foolishly craving affection, unable to endure just one lifetime.
How foolish, is it because I’m human after all? You should be a good boy, Noah. Every time I stood naked in body and mind before his evaluation, he would click his tongue lowly, I didn’t know what to do. It was shameful. I foolishly loved him, and foolishly craved him. That’s right. I’m still foolish. So, if there’s no place for at least my body to lie in a utilitarian paradise that can make everyone happy… I’ll gladly turn away. A submissive partner of a God who listens well was far too much for me. I can’t be a good boy, and I have no intention of being one. I will gladly choose a selfish and foolish choice that I can make because I am human.
“I’ll take care of my own affairs. Whether I live a life of atonement for not being able to undo Carlisle’s Mark forever, or whether I hurt Adrian again because of it… it’s all my responsibility. If I win the game, you no longer have any right to interfere in my life, in my soul.”
It was unlikely, but if Carlisle or Adrian asked me to give up my life for unrequited love, I could certainly do so. I didn’t rebel against God without even having that kind of determination or capacity. However, I just wanted to completely uproot this parasitic and disgusting fate from me before that.
“…Ha, you’re good at talking.”
I heard the sound of teeth grinding.
“Now, even if we take it long, there’s only about a month left until the Royal Wedding. In the end, it will be a question of whether you can endure it or not… Good, try to endure it well.”
A dazzlingly beautiful face still had a smile as ecstatic as a sacred fire. But somewhere clearly, it was distorted hideously.
“I’m really looking forward to seeing how many people have to die before you come to me and beg…”
“‘God’ interfering is cheating. As soon as you use an improbable power, you’ll be disqualified.”
“Oh, my lovely and intelligent Noah. Think about it. Do I even need the power of God to kill a few humans? Of course, it would be very easy if I intervened as God. I could open their heads and order them to die right away. But I don’t have to do that. Carlisle might be a bit difficult, but the others are nothing.”
He calmly listed examples of small and cute misfortunes in which people could lose their lives so easily that it was absurd. The wheels of the carriage they were riding in breaking, a horse that was standing still suddenly having a seizure, or a blind flowerpot falling from above their heads, and so on.
“How many people have to die before you get genuinely angry? How many people have to die before you hate me so much that you can’t help but kill me and go wild?”
“……”
“Now. Try to endure hard for a month. Finally, it’s our last chapter.”
The devil in God’s guise scattered an disgustingly strong rose scent and kissed my dry lips. I made up my mind. Without shaking off those lips, I wrapped my arms around his body like the twigs of a tree.
The God was trying to pant for breath with just that. It was just ridiculous. At that moment, when an impatient hand, unable to overcome his excitement, tried to grab the collar of my shirt.
“Ugh…!”
I bit down hard on my wet tongue without any mercy. The bitter taste of blood spread in my mouth. My body, which had died a long time ago, was still producing warm blood under God’s control. I spat out his saliva mixed with blood carelessly. The spit fell like a stone in the middle of his chest.
“It doesn’t matter how much you struggle. As desperate as I am, you must be just as desperate.”
The pale face with blood smeared on the lips was still inhumanly cool and beautiful. Looking at the dark eyes that were shaking finely with emotions that were hard to tell whether they were anger or lust, I said as if engraving each word.
“Don’t kill anyone. If you kill even one person, you’ll see… I’ll die right after.”
“…You.”
“You can’t revive me anymore, right? It’s the limit now, even for you.”
A silly laugh leaked out like a crazy person. I put my fingers into the fine silver hair that had once dominated all my nerves and tangled them tightly. When I grabbed his hair and pulled his face close to mine, I could vividly hear his growling breath.
“Do you still think I love you? Do you think I’m just being fussy because I love you and want you to love me more? So you’re pretending to go along with me as if you’re doing me a favor?”
“……”
“Look straight. Noah Hamilton, who used to be anxious at every glance of yours, is nowhere to be found anymore. You killed him. That idiot who begged you to love him, to look back at him, you starved him to death.”
I kissed his eyes with lips smeared with bright red blood, chirping well. He couldn’t dare to refuse my kiss even while enduring the clearly insulting words. I could feel the muscles in his face moving in bumps as he put strength into his teeth.
“Just in case you’re still misunderstanding…”
I don’t love you anymore.
The small but clear whisper effectively tore at the listener’s heart. Just as his annoying muttering had once crushed the heart of the young Noah Hamilton.
* * *
I was exhausted. After finishing the meeting with Allen, I refused all other visitors and went to bed to sleep. I heard the sound of someone knocking on the bedroom door or window several times, but I pretended not to hear it. It must have been Adrian or Carlisle, or maybe Andrew, but I didn’t want to meet anyone right now. I desperately needed rest.
I slept for a long time and suddenly woke up. The room was already dark. Nicole must have brought it, but only one dim silver candlestick was dimly lighting the bedside table.
Even after regaining my senses, I didn’t feel like moving, so I buried myself in the blanket and just blinked my eyes. Through the vision that had become accustomed to the darkness, I could faintly see the silhouette of someone leaning against the door, far away from the bed.
“…Who’s there?”
I barely asked in a hoarse voice, and the shadow silently began to approach me.
Then, he suddenly knelt in front of the bed. It was Kyle Gray.