By Zephyria Kwon Yi-tae’s face was serene. As if nothing had happened. But an answer didn’t readily spring forth. He stared at me for a long time before shaking his head.
“I never did. How would she know my number and contact me?”
It was a lie. My intuition told me so. Shaking pupils, subtly drooping corners of his lips.
I pretended not to know, even knowing all the evidence. Because Kwon Yi-tae wanted it that way. But if he was still being contacted, it was right for me to cut it off at my end.
“Is that so? If she happens to contact you, never answer. I’ve taken all the measures to prevent her from finding you. Even if you run into her, it won’t be as hard as before. And that’s my job.”
“……Okay.”
Kwon Yi-tae nodded, smiling. That was genuine. He would never contact his mother again, no matter what. I could be sure of that much. The years we had spent together were not in vain, revealed in a place like this.
I smiled back at him. I finally felt relieved. Maybe I had been worried about Kwon Yi-tae’s instability. Even though he had more than me, and might already be intimately involved with a new lover.
Yeah. It was a pointless worry. Although he had lost all his muscle compared to before, and had become a bit uglier because of it, Kwon Yi-tae would live well. He was that kind of guy.
“Then I’ll go first.”
“Let’s go out together.”
“It’s practically like we’ve gone through mediation and agreed to a divorce. We should leave separately.”
I joked and got up from my seat. Kwon Yi-tae awkwardly rose, then sat back down at my words. If he had listened to me this well before, would our future have been different? Well. Such hypotheticals were meaningless now.
So, this change in Kwon Yi-tae was also useless.
I left him behind and opened the door first. In my hand was a large envelope containing the contract. Once I left this room, we would be complete strangers. With the determination not to be entangled any further. The accumulated memories would become nourishment, helping me become a better person.
Every relationship had meaning. Even if it was a relationship that would have been better not to have met. Kwon Yi-tae and my relationship didn’t belong to that category, at least.
Ah, I was happy. Let’s not meet again.
That was enough. Just as I was crossing the threshold, I heard Kwon Yi-tae’s voice from behind.
“……Goodbye.”
“Yeah, goodbye.”
I said goodbye without looking back.
If a very long time passed and I happened to run into him, I felt like I could greet him with a smile. Just like I had with other lovers so far. I didn’t know how much time would be needed, but I was sure that it would happen.
It was a perfect farewell.
∗ ∗ ∗
“You’re still late.”
A woman walked in, her neatly styled hair fluttering. The sound of her high heels striking the café floor echoed loudly.
Not expensive, but not cheap either, mid-priced luxury goods and her cherished bag, nowhere to be seen. It seemed to show her declining fortunes.
I had thought that I might run into her someday, but I hadn’t imagined such a shabby appearance. Rather, I had expected her to be draped in very expensive luxury goods, ignoring the overdue notices from the credit card company. She was a woman who was crazy about luxury goods, even though they didn’t suit her.
Even though I greeted her first, she didn’t say anything and sat down on the sofa. It wasn’t like I particularly wanted to have an intimate conversation with her either. It was the woman who valued this meeting very much.
She doesn’t seem pleased. But it was me who wanted her to disappear from my life forever. I had come out, enduring the disgust and chills just from facing her, but she had such an arrogant attitude. That must be her last bit of pride.
After a long silence, the woman opened her mouth.
“Even beasts recognize their mothers. Are you thinking of asking for forgiveness now? It’s too late.”
“I’m a person, so unfortunately, I don’t seem to recognize you, Madam. I guess you prefer beasts? It seems like you did before too.”
A war of nerves unfolded.
The boy who was terrified of his mother’s weak slaps was no longer anywhere to be found. The woman who harshly slapped his cheeks until his lips burst was also no more.
When I looked at her, only one thought came to mind. How… pathetically she had aged. I felt no emotion. It was as if even my emotions had been cut off, completely disconnected.
There was nothing to give to the woman. Even though I was wasting time because of this very unwelcome meeting.
“You, you…….”
The woman was trembling to her chin with shame and humiliation, but she clenched her fists tightly, holding back her anger. As expected, she was the one who was desperate. It was obvious. She was about to be chased by loan sharks if she didn’t get money right away.
She couldn’t afford to kick away the bag of money that had rolled in on its own. But how stupid did you have to be to not properly understand the personality of the son you had raised for 20 years? Did she really think I had come looking for her because I was desperate for affection?
“Yes, please speak, Madam.”
“Choi Gyeoul! Is that how someone who wants to reconcile behaves?”
“If it doesn’t feel that way, then I guess it’s not.”
At my cold answer, the woman flinched. Her unfocused eyes were shaking slightly. She tried to hide it, but her face, consumed by anxiety, couldn’t be concealed.
I was scared of someone like that……. I held back a burst of hollow laughter. She was such an easy person. I was so scared that she might actually kill me, like a ferocious beast that would tear at my neck right away, but even that was just camouflage.
Moisture began to form little by little on the cold glass. It meant that the silence was continuing for a long time. To catch my breath, and to break this tense atmosphere for a moment, I drank my coffee.
“Give me the money for raising you and go.”
“What do you think I’m going to say?”
I swallowed the raw criticism that rose to the tip of my chin and asked back. I wanted to hurt that woman. Her life was already rolling in the mud, but I wanted her to be ruined to the end.
It wasn’t me who was wrong to be born, it was you. If you regret giving birth to me, then I resented that you were my parent.
“You unfilial Illegitimate child!”
It seemed like her language had become rougher in the meantime. Her hand flew out as a habit. But because she hadn’t been eating properly, her body was emaciated, so I could easily subdue her.
Maybe I could have stopped her even when I was twenty years old and just getting beaten. Learned fear had stopped me, though.
Her twig-like arm stopped in mid-air.
“I guess it’s because I’m an Illegitimate child. As you said. Of course, I’m not your child anymore either.”
I met her eyes, blazing with resentment, head-on. Her neatly styled hair was already disheveled. Seeing that, that day suddenly came to mind.
Pulling on his tie, Hyeon-seong hurriedly ran into the lobby. His hair was a mess, as if it had been blown by the wind, and his breathing was rough. Was his next consultation time pressing? Rather, I hadn’t heard much about Hyeon-seong’s work.
He looks busy, so it’s a bit awkward to say hello.
I stood still and watched him, and Hyeon-seong, who was looking around as if searching for someone, fixed his gaze exactly on me. He walked towards me at a fast pace, grabbed my arm, and seemed to check my complexion.
〈Are you okay?〉
〈It’s not like I met a Grim Reaper, so what’s not okay?〉
I said lightly, looking at his worried face. Hyeon-seong often treated me like a child left out on the riverbank. Rather, I had taken care of him like a younger brother, but when did he grow up so much and try to take care of me?
Hyeon-seong also seemed to judge that I wasn’t in such a bad state, so he let go of my hand and lightly tapped my arm. When I hunched over as if in pain, he laughed as if I was pathetic.
〈Looks like it.〉
〈Are you in a hurry to go to the bathroom? You’re running around like a puppy that needs to pee.〉
〈This bastard’s way of talking is sensitive. I guess you’re not okay after all.〉
Hyeon-seong, who had been snickering at my words, lightly grabbed my wrist and led me away. Unlike before, he headed somewhere through the crowded people. It seemed to be his office.
I didn’t have anything to do, and I was going to see him if Hyeon-seong was okay, so I followed him comfortably.
However, it bothered me that there was no other mention of why he had come so urgently. I knew it wasn’t, but I threw out a word. Like a fisherman casting bait.
〈Did you miss Hyung that much?〉
〈Uh-huh.〉
Hyeon-seong answered absentmindedly and opened the door. He turned on the lights in the dark office and plopped me down on the sofa. It was a subtly violent gesture.
As expected, he definitely had another reason. Otherwise, there was no way Hyeon-seong would treat me so harshly.
He sat down heavily on the sofa opposite me. There was no trace of kindness. Of course, he didn’t even offer a glass of cold water, though I probably wouldn’t have drunk it even if he had. It was a very bad attitude.
〈I should post on my blog that you’re an unfriendly lawyer. I’m a power blogger, you know?〉
〈I don’t know. I cleared my schedule because you were coming, but suddenly an urgent consultation came up and I got busy. I brought you here because I had something to say, so be quiet.〉
〈Yes, sir.〉
At his words, I quietly straightened my posture. Hyeon-seong’s atmosphere was unusual. If I joked any more, I might get scolded by him.
〈……This might be out of the blue, but do you happen to be in contact with Madam?〉