By Zephyria 
Gyeoul, who said he wanted to be friends with me, kept approaching me as if to keep his word.
Gyeoul, like a huge wave, washed over my everyday life where I had never encountered him. Pleasant coincidences, like meeting on the way to the cafeteria or having the same gym class.
Every time our eyes met, Gyeoul shouted my name, “Yi-tae,” and came to me. I didn’t know my name could make my heart beat so fast until I met Gyeoul.
Gyeoul was always surrounded by many people.
Sometimes it was a pretty girl alone, and sometimes it was a group of boys with heads a head taller than Gyeoul. Gyeoul was never alone. When he found me, he would ask for understanding from the person next to him and run to me.
“Hi. Where are you going?”
“……Science lab. It’s a moving class……”
“Ah. Crock Platform class?”
“Huh?”
“At first, they called him Kkae-dok-i because he looked like a toad and was Kongjwi’s best friend, but then the class content didn’t even register and leaked out, so it changed to Crock Platform. To be exact, a broken crock. Kkae-dok-i.”
Gyeoul lowered his voice and explained in detail as if he were telling a secret. Thinking about it again, the science teacher did look like a toad. Thick lips, big eyes between the wide-set eyes…… But isn’t this just trash talk?
I was startled and looked around. Fortunately, Kkae-dok-i didn’t seem to be nearby. I secretly sighed in relief, and Gyeoul laughed coolly as if he had noticed my shaken gaze. Was it that funny? He wiped the tears from his eyes and shook them off.
“Don’t worry. Even if I get caught, I’ll say I was the only one who said it.”
“But you’re the only one who did……”
“Yi-tae, I didn’t know, but Bo-seong doesn’t like you.”
Why Bo-seong all of a sudden?
……Could he be talking about that person?
I was glad I didn’t say I was from Seoul. Gyeoul seemed to like people who took jokes like that. He would subtly beat around the bush, and he would also throw out funny things as if it were nothing.
“He’s not loyal.”
At my casually thrown answer, Gyeoul laughed for a long time, saying it was funny again. I felt somehow proud, and the corners of my mouth naturally went up. Gyeoul’s laughter was very bright like the weather now, and it gave me the illusion that a cool breeze was blowing.
“Ah. The kids in the back are waiting. I’ll go. Let’s go together after Night Self-Study later. Okay?”
Gyeoul ran to the group without even hearing my answer. Only his lingering scent scattered in front of me.
The words I wanted to say were stuck in my heart, tightening me up. Gyeoul seemed to often call his friends by nicknames. Last time, I heard him call a student “Jju-kku.” When I looked at that kid’s face, I understood why he called him that and nodded slightly. Even he didn’t complain, as if he admitted the nickname himself.
I wasn’t that close to Gyeoul, but I wondered if he had a nickname for me…… He even gave a nickname to the science teacher he hated. When I think about it, Gyeoul always called me by my name. Am I not that close to him yet?
I clenched my fist and made a small resolution to ask him on the way home from school.
Gyeoul seemed to keep his word once he said it. As soon as the after-school meeting was over, I quickly packed my things and came out of the classroom, and he was standing in front of the door, waiting for me. He was fiddling with his phone, as if he was contacting someone.
Gyeoul had clearly warned me, but I felt excited when I actually faced him. We’ll just be exchanging silly stories on the way to the academy.
My head was full of nicknames. How should I start without being awkward? I was impatient. I wanted to get an answer no matter what.
I wanted to be remembered as a slightly special, that is, a welcome presence to Gyeoul. How long this coincidence would last was entirely up to Gyeoul.
“……Gyeoul.”
“Oh, you’re out. Let’s go. Hyung will buy you chocolate milk on the way.”
“Do you like chocolate milk?”
“No. I thought Yi-tae would like it.”
What does this mean again?
Whenever Gyeoul said something, I felt like I had to find the hidden truth in it. I didn’t even know my brow was furrowed as I pondered hard. Chocolate milk is brown, so…… is my skin color like that? No, it’s not that dark. Maybe compared to Gyeoul. Then, what is it?
Then suddenly, Gyeoul’s warmth permeated my arm. A really light touch.
“You’re cute.”
My face and ears flushed with heat at the unexpected remark. Anyone could tell I was red. I just blinked and looked at him without saying anything. Gyeoul looked back at me as if he was wondering.
From his point of view, it might have just been a light joke. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t turn back my red cheeks. It was the first time I had ever heard that.
At that moment, a question popped up to the surface. Unconsciously, the words came out of my mouth.
“Then is my nickname chocolate milk?”
It was a disaster created by combining the words nickname and cute. There’s no way my nickname is chocolate milk. No…… Before that, I should have asked if I even had a nickname.
My face was even redder than before. I wanted to bury my head in my bag and hide right away. How strange must I look in Gyeoul’s eyes?
I lowered my head. I couldn’t face Gyeoul. I need to go to the academy quickly…… I don’t have time for this. I couldn’t hide my broken expression.
“No. Yi-tae is Yi-tae.”
A voice filled with laughter pierced my ears. I forgot that my face was red and lifted my head again to look at Gyeoul. I felt a breeze blowing through the hot summer heat. Even though Gyeoul’s hair was neatly in place, it seemed to flutter in the wind.
I blankly stared at Gyeoul.
His unbuttoned summer uniform top, the white t-shirt he wore underneath, his skin as white and clear as his name, the neat teeth visible between his slightly curled lips. Red lips…… Ah.
“……Why, why?”
Why am I Yi-tae?
Instead of answering me, who stammered and asked again, Gyeoul moved his feet. Does he not want to get that close? He said we were friends. Sadness welled up.
I forced myself to move from where I was standing and followed Gyeoul. The fact that he said I was cute had already scattered in the air. The soaring feeling quickly plummeted to the ground.
Gyeoul hummed faintly. Even though I felt somehow wronged, I liked the sound of it, so I ended up standing right next to him. Yeah…… There was no way our relationship would continue after high school anyway. We’re different. Our ways of life, our attitudes.
My lips drooped subtly. I didn’t have the energy to pull them up.
At that moment when my heart was pounding on the floor, Gyeoul’s languid voice lifted my heart up. It was a calm tone, as if he was saying something very trivial and obvious.
“I haven’t thought about it yet. To me, you’re just Kwon Yi-tae. Yi-tae suits you best, more than any other nickname. When I see you, I only think of Yi-tae…… That’s why. It’s not that I’m discriminating against you or anything. Is it rather special treatment?”
Gyeoul explained the reason in a gentle voice.
He seemed to know how to captivate people. If this was even intentional, Gyeoul was right. I was completely captivated. I nodded silently. My ears turned red again.
It was the moment when a small bud bloomed from a germinated seed.
∗ ∗ ∗
Yi-tae didn’t show any reaction to my words that we should break up. No, he seemed to have completely frozen, as if he wasn’t even breathing. Without blinking or moving his lips, he just stared blankly at my face. Like a machine that had been turned off, he completely stopped working.
Suddenly, I wanted a glass of cold water.
I was thirsty. I wanted to wash away the unpleasantness in my mouth with water and end it cleanly. The meal, our breakup. As if nothing had happened. I wanted to let it flow like an ordinary day.
I didn’t take my eyes off Yi-tae and left him as he was. I had been anticipating and fearing this moment, but somehow I wasn’t sad at all. Instead, my fingertips were numb.
I wanted to believe that Yi-tae wouldn’t despair at our breakup. No, he shouldn’t. If you had even a little affection for me, you wouldn’t be able to act like that.
No matter how emotions can’t last forever, we were once lovers. I didn’t want to see you collapse. Does your personality even change when you exhaust all the prepared feelings? There’s no way. Then why did you do that to me? Why were you so cruel?
“Why……”
“You’re not really asking because you don’t know, are you?”
I leaned my body towards Yi-tae and accidentally touched the rice bowl. With a clattering sound, the bowl was pushed away. I pushed the bowl back in before it fell. Yi-tae still didn’t say anything.
The weight in my heart felt strange. A breakup is a severance of a relationship, and we might never see each other again…… but I felt rather relieved. I felt liberated from the round emotions that had been weighing me down. Yeah. It felt like I was finally on the right track.
Regret is only left for those who haven’t done everything they could. So it wasn’t his share. If Yi-tae asks why we broke up…… Hey, no way. There’s no way he wouldn’t know.
Yi-tae witnessed the moments when I had fallen to the bottom with indifferent eyes. I didn’t beg or plead and cling to you, but even if you ignored my despair, there’s no way you wouldn’t have felt it.