#190

“I could tell you, but how would you intend to use it?”

“…….”

I regained a bit of my composure.

As the House Lizard said, knowing the Name of Oblivion in this situation wouldn’t allow me to do anything.

It’s not as if I could persuade Oblivion.

Even if I found a way to control Oblivion, I would first have to take back the mental defense relic.

‘No, I should say “get it back.”’

I fiddled with the area around my left eye.

‘…Why did Athanas take my eye?’

I could find out the details if I read what happened in the basement of the Main Hall, but I was somewhat reluctant to see it firsthand.

Even if there was no physical pain, the mental shock would remain.

Even now, my stomach was churning violently.

And that was despite only witnessing the result, not the process….

‘…Did Pandemonium commit a sin so great that he deserved to die like that?’

Thinking about it, he had committed quite a lot.

First of all, ‘Marcello Teres’ had killed far too many people on the battlefield.

Of course, killing people in war is not inherently a violation of Order.

As long as a few laws were followed, the ‘Church of Order’ did not intervene in wars.

Such as: not starting a war without a declaration, not killing those who had taken refuge in a temple, not poisoning rivers, and so on.

However, ‘Pandemonium’ did not kill enemy soldiers to win the war, but rather slaughtered people to perform sacrifices for an Evil God outside of Order.

Since everyone who died on that field was offered as a sacrifice to the War God….

‘There are more than enough reasons for condemnation.’

“Athanas has also explained to you why he did such a thing.”

“…Show me.”

As I picked up a sheet, my vision shifted abruptly again.

The stone floor I saw earlier was once again stained with blood.

But that blood was….

「“Athanas!”」

Athanas, with his left arm severed, stood there with a distorted face.

Blood poured out in gushes.

「“…The duel is not yet over. Step back, Fabio.”

“What do you mean it’s not over! This is already decided!”

“It’s not. Either admit defeat, or drop dead. It only ends when one of those happens.”」

With a blood-stained face, Pandemonium smiled, twisting the corners of his mouth.

‘Seeing that face again makes me sick.’

「“Athanas!”」

Athanas gazed at me for a moment, then spoke.

「“…I have lost.”

“Ah, fuck, that was boring as hell.”」

Pandemonium flung his sword to the ground.

‘I’ then obtained a belt from one of the onlookers, almost by force, and tightened it firmly around Athanas’s arm.

First, the bleeding had to be stopped.

「“Fabio, don’t just worry about him. Look. I’m hurt too.”

“Fuck, you’ve just got a few scratches. Why are you whining over a nick on your forehead?”

“…In my territory, if anyone spoke to me like that, they’d be stripped and hung up.”

“So what, you piece of shit? Is this your territory?”」

‘I’ struggled to recall how much blood a person could lose before dying.

Was it okay up to one liter?

How much had spilled on the floor? It looked like more than a single carton of milk….

「“I’m just letting you know because you’ll be visiting soon. Of course, I’m not saying I’ll hang Fabio up. But if you keep speaking so crudely, I’ll lose face, won’t I? I’ll probably get chewed out for how I’ve educated my household.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Ah, right. You didn’t hear what was wagered in the duel? The loser agreed to never approach Fabio again.”

“…Athanas. Why did you do something so reckless? You didn’t even ask me what was happening and jumped straight into a duel!”

“Hey, Fabio. Are you ignoring me?”」

If Athanas had sought my advice, such a confrontation would never have happened.

How could anyone, let alone another player, possibly defeat a Contractor of the ‘War God’ in a duel?

「“…If I had asked you, you would have told me not to fight, for whatever reason.”

“Well….”

“That with my current self, I could never win and should avoid it; that even if someone provoked me absurdly, I should generally just grant their request and let it pass. You even told me to quietly accept it, even if I were told to break away from you.”

“…I never said such things.”

“But I could not simply overlook those words.”

“Athanas….”」

‘I’ was confused.

I couldn’t understand what Athanas was talking about.

Before the sense of dissonance could form into a concrete thought, Athanas cupped ‘my’ face with his hand.

「“I have not yet done my best, Fabio.”

“What. Trying to make an excuse that you lost because you let your guard down? How pathetic.”

“I have shown you a lacking side of myself. I will strive to show you a better side next time.”

…Next time?」

The moment that question arose, the page ended.

‘…So what was the reason for the duel?’

Because he was annoyed that I said he’d lose?

To prove that he could win?

Or was he trying to study the patterns of someone who looked like they’d be a mid-boss later on?

More than that, it hit me anew that Regression is an incredibly unfair power.

Everything lost is nullified, and as long as you win once, it becomes a victory regardless.

‘How did he win in the end?’

Since I arrived too late to see the fight, I had no clue.

Pandemonium has a regeneration trait, so pure skill alone wouldn’t have left him in that state.

Did he raid the warehouse for Sacred Relics?

Since the fact that he stole them would vanish once time was turned back anyway….

‘…My way of thinking is gradually becoming like a player’s.’

Is it inevitable when you have Regression?

Or is it because I used Forced Persuasion?

If Athanas changed because of me….

“…I feel nauseous. Can you give me something to drink?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

As soon as I took the water glass, I gulped it down without thinking.

The water tasted sweet and cool.

‘Is that slightly slimy aftertaste because of the lime in the water?’

“How is it? The taste isn’t bad, is it?”

“…Now that you ask, I’m starting to feel very uneasy about it.”

“Oh dear. I was simply curious about the evaluation of the service I provide. After all, I exist to help Fabio.”

I looked at the House Lizard in silence.

Something….

‘Something is wrong.’

“Is the nausea feeling any better?”

“…Yeah.”

“If I may offer one piece of advice, the Skill Fabio possesses, ‘Forced Persuasion,’ does not have a very long duration. Even if someone egged them on to make a decision they would never normally make, wouldn’t they feel a slight sense of doubt upon waking the next morning, thinking it wasn’t right? It is exactly that level of effect. If the person affected by Forced Persuasion later ruminates on Fabio’s words alone and internally rebuts them, the effect of Forced Persuasion quickly unravels.”

“…Then why Athanas?”

“Because deep in his heart, he believes Fabio’s words are correct. That a person with Regression must do their ‘best.’ Even if Fabio hadn’t said it, Athanas would have reached that conclusion on his own. That is likely why he became the Heretic Butcher, isn’t it? On the other hand, he absolutely refuses to keep the promise not to speak of ‘Regression,’ doesn’t he? It is because, inwardly, he believes Fabio was wrong about that. Thus, he forgets the earnestly given advice by the next day.”

“Does that mean I have to keep applying Forced Persuasion repeatedly?”

“That is correct. Fabio, why do you think you feel nauseous right now? The act of erasing emotions is not such a simple matter.”

Hearing that, I looked at the scroll, and the sentence ‘All emotions toward Athanas disappear’ was faintly fading away.

‘No.’

I hurriedly wrote the same sentence several times over.

But the speed at which it faded grew faster.

‘No, no, no….’

“You might be overtaken at this rate.”

The sound of a giggle was heard from beside me.

“Shall I help you a bit? Fabio.”

The House Lizard placed its hand over mine.

“If you wish to separate your emotions, there is a method far more effective than Forced Persuasion.”

“…What is it?”

“It is creating a new Boundary so that you cannot access those emotions. You push everything you don’t want to be, and every emotion you don’t want to feel, into it. Is there any need for ‘me’ to feel unnecessary pain? Just push it outside your consciousness.”

“That doesn’t mean the emotion disappears.”

“Discarded trash is moved to a landfill. In reality, nothing has vanished, but at least the house visible to the eye has become very clean. Isn’t that enough? The emotions outside your consciousness will no longer bother you.”

I swallowed hard.

The dissonance grew to a point where it could no longer be ignored.

‘Is this really the House Lizard?’

“…Isn’t that usually called a dissociative disorder?”

“No. Something that aids survival should be called adaptation.”

When I stopped my hand, a pale hand, white as a corpse, forcibly moved my hand to write the sentence.

All emotions toward Athanas disappear.

All emotions toward Athanas disappear.

All emotions toward Athanas disappear….

…It was a familiar handwriting.

“Who are you?”

“What a strange question. We’ve been talking this whole time, haven’t we?”

“You… are not the House Lizard.”

“Indeed, I believe that word failed to properly translate ‘Domestic Reptilian.’”

“Don’t dodge the question. Who are you?”

“Shouldn’t you provide an example if you’re going to ask such a question? Does Fabio know who he is? Try defining yourself first.”

‘…I can’t let myself be swayed.’

There is no need to find out what that thing is.

I just need to give it any name, ignore it, and drive it away.

“You are an ink blot.”

“Yes, the Earth is a pale blue dot, and humans are like blots that once existed upon that dot and then vanished. In that sense, I too can be seen as a single blot. Just like you, Fabio.”

“No, you are not me.”

“That’s a bit funny. Then who is ‘I’? A fool who loves Athanas? Or a genuflexion-phobic patient trying to carve that fool out?”

“I am….”

“No, I misspoke. Fabio is normal, and other people are the ones with mental illnesses. Of course. Fabio, surely you aren’t planning to define a Status Condition as your essence?”

I forcibly stopped my hand from being dragged.

“You are not Fabio.”

“…Then I am not Fabio. Yes. Perhaps that is a more accurate expression.”

When I turned my head, something that looked nothing like the House Lizard was looking down at me.

Black water was streaming down from a hollow left eye socket.

‘…Isn’t that the “not me” Pandemonium mentioned?’

It’s exactly like that description.

And it only has one arm.

“But I can help you. I will sit here in your stead and keep writing this sentence for you. So that you can always think and judge with cold, calm rationality….”

“…I don’t need it.”

“Fabio.”

Its face distorted.

It looked more sad than angry.

‘Yeah, I’m not falling for it.’

“I’ll handle it myself.”

As I snapped the quill, it vanished like smoke.

At the same time, an incredibly astringent taste suddenly filled my mouth.

‘Ugh.’

It tasted like the back of some game cartridge….

As I was gagging, feeling like I might throw up, someone abruptly spoke to me.

“Are you alright?”

“Holy shit, you scared me!”

Looking back, the House Lizard was staring at me blankly.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the thing that looked like ‘Francesco.’

“You… are you really the House Lizard?”

“If that is what you wish to call me, then I am the real House Lizard. Would you like to call me by another name?”

“…Tell me the name of the person who invented the punched card.”

“The person who utilized punched cards in calculating machines was the German statistician Herman Hollerith.”

It is definitely the House Lizard.

I wiped the corners of my mouth and asked.

“…What just happened to me?”

“For a god, changing one’s essence means death. To be precise, the god that existed until then dies, and a new god, similar but different, is born. You were standing on that Boundary.”

“…I almost died?”

Just from trying to shed some emotions?

No, but isn’t my essence the side that defines love as a Status Condition?

Since when….

“Wait. Then do I have to keep living like this?”

“Or you could be born again. There wouldn’t be much of a sense of dissonance. As long as you forget the fact that you killed the original and took its place.”

“…By any chance, have I already died once?”

The House Lizard did not answer that question, but simply smiled.