3 – Chicken Game (1)

Chapter 1

There was no time for useless excuses. Seo Hae-young closed the distance in a single step, and by the time Hae-won regained his senses, he was sprawling on the hallway floor. Struck by a blow of brutal force, Hae-won couldn’t even offer a proper resistance as he stared blankly up at the towering figure of Seo Hae-young. The impact felt less like a palm and more like a fist, rattling his skull. Before he could shake off the dizziness, a sharp sting hit his nose, and droplets of red blood splattered down.

Reflexively covering his nose, Hae-won locked eyes with the middle-aged man from next door over Hae-young’s long legs. The man, who had been walking down the hallway, gasped and froze in his tracks.

He was the man who used to pat Hae-won on the back whenever his father went on a rampage, smashing furniture, while Hae-won crouched at the end of the hallway. The man, who had offered platitudes like “there’s a way out for everyone” and “just hang in there a bit longer,” seemed to make a decision as he moved his stiff legs and approached quickly. In that moment, Seo Hae-young grabbed Hae-won by the collar and slapped away the hand covering his face.

“Who told you to cover it?”

Raising his palm again, Seo Hae-young looked back, following Hae-won’s gaze. The neighbor, upon making eye contact with Seo Hae-young, hurriedly lowered his gaze and quickly opened his own front door and stepped inside. Hae-won’s eyes widened.

“Uh…?”

As the door shut with a thud and the lock clicked, a bolt slammed shut in Hae-won’s heart as well. Though it wasn’t a situation to cry over, tears fell. Seo Hae-young let out a hollow laugh at the deathly silence of the neighboring house and gave the collar in his grip a shake.

“How did you get out? Answer me straight.”

“It was open…”

A large palm slammed into his cheek. Hae-won’s head whipped to the side, shaking him once more.

“How did you get out?”

“It was just open…”

His cheek felt like it was on fire. Holding onto the staggering body, Seo Hae-young asked again.

“How did you get out?”

The sound of rain, the sound of water. They were different, yet similar. Looking at the neighboring house that remained firmly shut, Hae-won murmured.

“It was open, it was just open…”

“Is that so? Doesn’t seem like it.”

Seo Hae-young shook his head slowly. Dragging Hae-won—whose cheek was already beginning to swell red—by the collar and throwing him inside the entryway, Seo Hae-young stepped into the house carrying a trash bag from the hallway. Without even taking off his shoes, he untied the tightly cinched end of the bag.

“Neither of them would pick up. And your phone was off, too. Strange, isn’t it? Even you must think it’s strange.”

The neatly organized belongings spilled all over the living room. Stepping through the clutter of small items, Seo Hae-young moved forward. He overturned the trash can in the corner of the room, kicking through the few scraps of waste, and pulled out drawers, shaking them empty onto the floor.

“They both said they were sleeping. They didn’t know where you went, they just slept. But I can’t believe that…”

Seo Hae-young opened the wardrobe to rummage through it, went into the bathroom, came back out, and searched through every single cabinet. Curled up and trembling, Hae-won followed Seo Hae-young’s movements with his eyes as he wiped away the unending nosebleed while the man tore the small house apart. He seemed to be looking for something, and the unknown nature of it filled Hae-won with dread.

At some point, Seo Hae-young stopped in the middle of the living room and let out an “Ah.” Kneeling in front of Hae-won, who was curled up against the closed door, Seo Hae-young held out his hand.

“Phone.”

Hae-won placed the phone he had been clutching tightly onto the palm. His fingers trembled as they carefully released the device, leaving a trace of warmth behind. Seo Hae-young massaged the back of Hae-won’s neck with one hand while scrolling through the unlocked phone, then let out a smirk.

“Hae-won wouldn’t be able to cheat.”

After scanning the entire call history, Seo Hae-young picked one of two numbers and dialed. Hae-won held the phone pressed to his ear with a confused expression, but Seo Hae-young merely looked down, listening intently. Hae-won prayed for the ringing signal to stop, but soon, a voice answered. The low voice was clearly laced with anger.

What.

Hae-won only parted his lips, clutching his blood-stained palm.

Fuck, what. If you called, then speak.

As he kept his mouth shut, the hand gripping his neck tightened painfully. An agonized moan escaped him involuntarily.

“Ah…”

There was a rustling sound on the other end, followed by a voice where the anger had subsided. However, the content was not welcome.

…Are you hurt? Where’s Joo Hyun-woo?

Seo Hae-young released the back of Hae-won’s neck, who squeezed his eyes shut, and looked down at the phone. A conviction, carried by a sigh, flowed from his red lips.

“Caught you, right?”

What? Hey, Seo Hae-young…

Hanging up the phone, Seo Hae-young stuffed it into Hae-won’s pocket and tapped his cheek. The phone buzzed repeatedly, but he couldn’t answer it. Bringing his face close, Seo Hae-young continued slowly.

“Think again. Was the door just open?”

Stiffened with fear, Hae-won couldn’t say a word. Choosing from the options Seo Hae-young presented had always been a difficult task for him. When terror threatened to dismantle his dawn resolutions, Hae-won recalled yesterday’s misery. The piercing glares and ridicule, the person who took his place, the sense of betrayal. And Seo Hae-young’s empty wrist. Hae-won grit his teeth and nodded.

“…Really?”

Raising an eyebrow, Seo Hae-young stroked the mottled skin of Hae-won’s neck.

“Then did this just happen too?”

“Kh…!”

“There’s something I’m curious about.”

The neck enveloped in the large palm was shoved backward. His head slamming against the wall, Hae-won lifted his fluttering eyelids, held by a grip that compressed his airway.

“Do you love spreading your legs that much? Is it because you feel like you’ll die if you miss even a single day?”

A hand entered roughly through the loose shorts, blindly groping the genitals and perineum hidden by the underwear. He struggled, his body jerking, but the fingers eventually reached the swollen hole.

“You say you like me? You like me while sucking someone else’s cock?”

“Kuh, k-ugh…!”

Pressing down on his neck, Seo Hae-young pushed a finger inside. The smooth fabric of the drawers was pushed into the burning inner walls by the finger. It was a grip starkly different from Joo Hyun-woo, who choked him for arousal. Gripped by a hand that suppressed him as if seizing the throat of a beast, Hae-won, with bare feet stripped of slippers, kicked out against the narrow shoe rack.

“Kh… ugh…!”

“You fucking… this makes no sense. Right, Hae-won? It makes no sense, doesn’t it?”

The finger that had been stirring the lubricated interior was suddenly withdrawn.

“Ah!”

Gripping Hae-won’s neck and letting out a sound of realization, Seo Hae-young looked around quickly and reached out. He snatched a spare umbrella leaning next to a low cabinet and tore a smile across his lips.

“Let’s just rip it apart. Then no one will be able to use it. Right? Good idea, isn’t it?”

The hazel eyes embedded in his wide-open gaze glistened.

“If you can’t stop doing that, I’ll help you. If you go around doing that recklessly, you’re fucked… You’ll be in real trouble, Hae-won.”

The moment the hand released his neck, Hae-won slid away, coughing and gasping for air, grabbing Seo Hae-young’s wrist as he tried to pull down his pants.

“D-don’t. Don’t do it!”

The pants slid down to his hips. Hae-won resisted, the veins in his neck standing out. The large umbrella was kicked by his struggling legs.

“I’ll… I’ll die. I’ll really die if you do…”

Grabbing him by the collar, Seo Hae-young shook his upper body violently. Shaken helplessly, Hae-won’s head slammed repeatedly against the floor, and he slumped over with his mouth open. Moans that couldn’t become words leaked through his parted lips. His vision was blurred.

“You won’t die.”

Responding nonchalantly, Seo Hae-young picked up the umbrella and shoved it between his legs. Horrified, Hae-won moved his twitching hands, crawling up the front door. Suddenly he pushed himself up, grabbed the handle, and pulled it down. Kicking Seo Hae-young’s shoulder as he held his leg, he quickly crawled through the open gap of the door. His heart pounded. His vision was still blurry, and even his hearing was impaired. Staggering to his feet, he pounded on the neighbor’s door with all his might.

“Mister! It’s me, Hae-won, Hae-won… Please open the door… J-just for a second!”

Maybe they were just surprised earlier. Maybe they misunderstood because they saw him being beaten by a large guy in the hallway. He understood. Hae-won pleaded repeatedly, shaking the doorknob. However, despite the houses being so close that it was impossible not to hear, there was no response from inside. The wrinkled face of the man remained vivid in his memory. Finally, Hae-won pounded on the door and screamed.

“Help me! Just open it for a second! Mister, please…!”

Emotions pouring down like a torrential rain weighed down his trembling shoulders. Betrayal, injustice, despair. After pounding dozens of times to no avail, Hae-won dropped his hand and faced a crushing loneliness head-on.

“What a shame. The mister isn’t helping you?”

As he slowly turned his gaze, Seo Hae-young filled his vision. In the hand of Seo Hae-young, who was rubbing the shoulder that had been kicked, was the long umbrella. Immediately turning his back, Hae-won ran down the damp hallway.

The ground he stepped on was certainly solid, yet it kept collapsing, collapsing. Tiny pebbles, twigs, shallow puddles… the things that connected him to the world, the things that made him feel alive, became obstacles blocking his path.

“Hae-won!”

Seo Hae-young’s laughter. That clear laugh he once loved was no longer lovely.

“You should use an umbrella!”

An ice-cold rain drenched his entire body. Even the blowing wind was cold. Suddenly, the asphalt, pitted with holes, twisted his fleeing ankle. Stepping into a puddle of rainwater, Hae-won collapsed and slammed hard into a dirty pool, but he couldn’t get up. He couldn’t find a reason to get up.

Once he stepped down from the foundation of Seo Hae-young he had been borrowing, there was nothing left in his hands. Realizing that comfort, people, love, and security were none of his, Hae-won fell into a deep abyss. There was no one who truly loved him. No one to cherish him, embrace him, or comfort him. The one person everyone else seemed to have, he didn’t. Everyone just said words—that it would be okay, that if he just endured a bit, better days would come—they only said the words, and then, when he felt like he was dying from the hardship…

“Ah…”

They weren’t by his side.

“It’s raining.”

A black umbrella cast a shadow over his head. Seo Hae-young, crouching in front of him, tapped a rain-beaded eyelash with his index finger. The voice he had been too familiar to escape from drove a dagger into him.

“Do you get it now? No one is going to help you.”

Telling him to die, telling him no one needs him or likes him, countless hands pushed him off the edge. Brushing back Hae-won’s wet bangs, Seo Hae-young scanned his bruised cheek, the philtrum where the blood had been washed away, and his split lip.

“You should have just behaved… Why did you get greedy and make it like this?”

Sunk in the mire, Hae-won looked up and met Seo Hae-young’s eyes.

He had been greedy. Because he didn’t behave, that’s why it became like this?

That couldn’t be. He had never asked for much. Since the day he was born, he had tried to live within his means. If there was any greed, it was only that he loved Seo Hae-young while wearing the mask of a friend. He hadn’t known that wishing to just be by his side, even if they could never be together, was considered greed. His pale lips trembled.

“I… was wrong…?”

Seo Hae-young nodded lightly, as if asking why he would even ask something so obvious. As Hae-won blankly dropped his gaze, his knees entered his field of vision. His knees, which were never intact because he fell just as they were about to heal, were filthy. Drenched in rain, beaten, and abandoned—he was entirely filthy. Hae-won asked again, head bowed low.

“Because I was greedy?”

“It was excessive.”

Tugging at the collar of the t-shirt, Seo Hae-young replied while peering inside. Checking the skin marked with countless traces of others, he murmured lowly.

“I really need to fix your mindset…”

Watching his knees being washed by the rain, Hae-won lifted his hand, dirty with black ash, stone dust, and crushed leaves. As he wrapped his hand around the white hand holding the umbrella handle, he could feel the sensation of the rain hitting the umbrella and rolling off.

Without realizing it, he folded his legs and knelt. Toward the man whose scent, face, and broad shoulders were familiar, yet felt strangely foreign, he posed a question.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

There had to be a reason. There had to be a reason why Seo Hae-young, who had nearly killed him just for touching the thigh of some Jae-min or Jae-seung, was now fucking his hole because he liked it. There had to be a reason why he should be reprimanded for sleeping with other people. There had to be a reason why he came all this way, why he shook him, why he didn’t believe the words of love. For Seo Hae-young, who had pushed him to the very bottom, there absolutely had to be a reason.

“I said why. Regardless of what I do with those bastards… what does it matter to you?”

He shook the hand of Seo Hae-young, who only stared back. Seo Hae-young was steadfast, and it was Hae-won who was wavering.

“Now you tell me, please… Why, why are we… like this…”

It was agonizing because he couldn’t find what Seo Hae-young wanted from this relationship. Sliding down, Hae-won pressed his forehead to the ground and writhed in agony. He felt like he was going crazy. Because he was terrified of the fact that no one loved him, because Seo Hae-young no longer made his heart flutter, because he couldn’t believe the reality that had crashed in like a robber, he slammed his forehead against the rough asphalt. As he struck it repeatedly, a warm palm eventually touched his forehead. Rubbing his forehead against the white, clean palm, Hae-won let out a hollow laugh.

“I don’t like you. I don’t like you, fuck… I don’t like you…”

It had been long. It had been far too long until he could put a period to the emotions that had dragged on for five years, turning foul and murky. Slowly lifting his head, Hae-won wrinkled the bridge of his nose and put on that clear smile that Joo Hyun-woo once couldn’t take his eyes off of.

“I’m not going to like you anymore.”

He let out a giggle. From the emotions that had crumbled and burned away, leaving only ash, a blackened sprout bloomed.

Without a word, Seo Hae-young toyed with the red forehead, then very slowly blinked his eyes and very slowly shook his head. Instead of giving a reason, Seo Hae-young shook his head. Like soothing a disobedient child, or as if telling him not to do this.

Whatever it meant, Hae-won didn’t care. He didn’t care anymore. Raindrops falling from the tilted umbrella soaked Seo Hae-young’s shoulder.

“Yoon Hae-won.”

A long index finger tapped the center of his cheek. Flicking the soft flesh with his finger, Seo Hae-young slowly withdrew his hand.

“I told you. You have to take responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth.”

The umbrella that had blocked the rain folded. His shins were scraped by the rough asphalt, and blood seeped into his screaming throat. His hands, groping the ground with nothing to hold onto, were left scarred, the rain fell without sign of stopping, and still, no one looked out. Beyond the waist-high wall, the neighbor’s front door did not open once until he was shoved into the back seat of a car and left the dark neighborhood.

Everyone locked their doors and maintained their silence. In the rain, today again, Hae-won was utterly ignored.

* * *

The first one to arrive in front of Hae-won’s house was Go Tae-gyeom. Stepping out of his crookedly parked car, Tae-gyeom leaned against the rain-soaked wall without even the leisure to head toward the building’s entrance. As he leaped over the wall and opened the half-open front door, a sigh escaped him.

“Fuck, what is this, a trash can…?”

The small house was a complete disaster. Entering the mess, Tae-gyeom looked down at the phone he had been holding the entire time.

Yoon Hae-won wasn’t answering his calls, and neither was Seo Hae-young. Since he had rushed out in the middle of class, he had intended to stop by briefly and return, but it had taken quite a while to get here, and class was nearly over. He had an afternoon lecture, but he had absolutely no desire to go back. With an irritated look, he scanned the surroundings and dialed again.

“Just pick up, damn it…”

The ringing signal stretched on. Tae-gyeom, pacing the room, roughly ruffled his hair. Neither of them answered. His mouth felt dry, and not knowing why he felt this way, he kicked an album that happened to be in his path.

The fairly thick graduation album overturned, and photos tucked behind the hard cover spilled out. Frowning, Tae-gyeom sat on the floor and sifted through the dozen or so photos until he found one that particularly caught his eye.

It was a photo of Yoon Hae-won, with a bandage on his chin, smiling brightly. Judging by the way Joo Hyun-woo had his arm around him, it seemed to be from a sports day. He probably fell hard while trying out for the relay race; that seemed right.

It wasn’t that his feet were small, but Yoon Hae-won fell exceptionally often. He wondered if it was because his ankles were weak, as he seemed to sprain them frequently. He couldn’t be sure, as he often confused him with other guys.

Tae-gyeom picked up the photo and dug through hazy old memories while the dial tone continued. For a moment, the sound of Yoon Hae-won’s laughter from those days brushed past his ears. Perhaps because he hadn’t seen him smile lately, it felt a bit awkward. Holding the phone between his shoulder and ear, Tae-gyeom gazed quietly down at the photo. The cheeks, still plump with baby fat, looked somewhat cute.

Folding the photo in half, Tae-gyeom tore it along the crease. He tossed away the part with Joo Hyun-woo and tucked the part containing Hae-won into his shirt pocket. The photo, announcing its presence with a soft rustle, instantly dragged Tae-gyeom back to the past.

It must have been around the time winter was approaching. Yoon Hae-won looked good in the autumn uniforms. A white shirt, a gray knit vest, and black trousers.

“I’m seriously gonna kill you… Stop scribbling in my stuff.”

As soon as he got his textbook back, Yoon Hae-won grumbled, flipping through the pages rapidly. Tae-gyeom chuckled at his sulky face and pushed his forehead with the tip of his finger. What, what are you gonna do about it? That’s what he seemed to have said. Then Hae-won would always strike back violently with his hand, threatening that he would never lend him anything again. But Tae-gyeom would secretly rummage through Hae-won’s locker and sneak away his textbooks and gym clothes. He actually had his own, but he just did it. It was fun to see the fastidiously neat Yoon Hae-won get annoyed.

If asked if he liked him, the answer was no. It was ambiguous. He was such an unremarkable guy that Tae-gyeom couldn’t understand why Seo Hae-young hung around him. If he had to pick a strength, it was his decent face. If he absolutely had to pick one more, it was his easygoing personality. Other than those two, he had nothing.

Once, he had taken Yoon Hae-won to his house. With several others, of course. However, Tae-gyeom’s father had somehow singled out Hae-won among the group and gave a subtle hint during dinner. Tae-gyeom had just picked at his ear when his father mentioned that he should start being more selective about the friends he kept, but inwardly, he agreed. He had grown up in such a household and had been taught that way.

Yet, the connection with Yoon Hae-won, which he thought would end upon graduation, persisted surprisingly long. It was probably Seo Hae-young’s fault.

“Tae-gyeom…”

He pictured Yoon Hae-won in front of him, sobbing and clutching his arm. The hole that greedily took him in every time he shoved himself inside, the trembling body, and that expression of sheer pleasure. The way he tried to hold onto his pride and resist only to eventually crumble was cute in its own way. When he closed his legs and begged him to be gentle, his childhood face would occasionally peek through. That, too, was reasonably cute.

The phone didn’t connect until he had shaken off those trivial memories. Tae-gyeom tapped the floor rhythmically, recalling the day he had talked trash to Seo Hae-young, and let out a sigh.

Back then, he didn’t know he would become greedy. He didn’t know he would be so angry when the unremarkable Yoon Hae-won dragged Joo Hyun-woo into the mix. The fact that he had to share that hole, that body, and those expressions with another person made him so furious he felt like he was losing his mind. He had stormed out of the house, buried his forehead against the steering wheel, and gnashed his teeth. He felt like he was going crazy. It was the same now. Because he missed him, because it felt like shit and he regretted it—he could have had him all to himself, but he had been reckless.

“Fuck, this is bullshit…”

Tae-gyeom rose slowly from the spot that had become a wasteland, hung up the unanswered call, and decided on a destination. It was either one of two places, so he just had to check both.

Leaving the entrance, Tae-gyeom collided with a middle-aged man coming out of the neighboring unit. Not being the type to apologize, and already in a foul mood, Tae-gyeom glanced at the man, who shrunk his shoulders in fear, and slammed the door shut. The man’s shabby appearance was disgusting. Passing the man who was lingering in the hallway, he got into his car and started the engine. The rain poured down so heavily that the wipers, scrubbing the windshield rapidly, were useless, further sinking his mood.

* * *

By the time Tae-gyeom had stormed out of school and arrived at Hae-won’s house, Seo Hae-young was burning with anxiety. He was burning black and urgent. No one noticed, and he didn’t even know it himself, but that was the reality.

Having removed even the watch he always wore on his right wrist, Seo Hae-young didn’t raise his fist. He simply struck Hae-won’s cheek several times with his palm, the cheek fitting snugly within one hand. He didn’t hit him with all his might. He struck him lightly, by his own standards, to tell him to wake up. Of course, that standard of ‘lightly’ was very different from the general one.

“Hae-won, let’s try saying it again.”

Hae-won’s left cheek was a deep, vivid purple bruise, leaving no room for further strikes. Not just the cheek, but his temples and jawline were swollen to the point that they looked painful just to behold. The reason for this was: first, Seo Hae-young was clumsy with controlling his strength; second, it was because Hae-won wouldn’t give the answer he wanted.

Hae-won kept his mouth shut. He resisted, clenching his teeth so hard they ached. He was hit for refusing to get into the backseat; he was hit for clinging to a garden sculpture to hold on; and even after being dragged into Seo Hae-young’s space and taking the merciless violence with his bare body, he refused to give the desired answer until the end.

“Why aren’t you talking… Are you broken?”

Seated on the sofa, Seo Hae-young held Hae-won’s head—who was kneeling between his legs—with both hands and shook it gently. He even tapped his forehead as if knocking. It was ambiguous whether it was a joke or sincere. Hands tinged with a slight nervousness rummaged through Hae-won’s round head. He touched the scraped forehead, pinched the bridge of his nose, and then slapped his cheek.

Still, the firmly closed lips did not open. After rolling his eyes in thought, Seo Hae-young cupped the bruised face with both hands and leaned down.

“Yoon Hae-won!”

When he shouted right in front of him, Hae-won’s shoulders trembled, and he lifted his eyelids. Finally grinning, Seo Hae-young stroked the split lip with his thumb before pushing the finger inside. Forcing the lips apart with both thumbs, he made Hae-won look ridiculous. However, the smile on Seo Hae-young’s face gradually vanished. The situation was not that funny.

“You haven’t been listening lately. You only do the things I told you not to do. I’m upset.”

Dropping the corners of his mouth and closing his eyes, Seo Hae-young pretended to cry. He even made sobbing sounds, then quickly returned to a listless expression. It was because Hae-won, who usually twitched his cheeks noticeably when Seo Hae-young made such a face, gave no reaction.

“Aren’t you going to answer? I said I’m upset.”

Hae-won only blinked slowly. His vision was blurred. He couldn’t hear well, so he didn’t know what Seo Hae-young was saying, yet the demands continued. His shoulders were grabbed and shaken back and forth. When Seo Hae-young suddenly raised his voice, he would startle awake, but his consciousness would quickly scatter again.

Hae-won was in pain. His beaten face and the skin scratched from being dragged around hurt, but above all, his heart hurt. The warmth of another person touched him, and another’s voice lingered in his ears, yet he felt terribly lonely. He was burning up with fever. Like the day after he first slept with Seo Hae-young, the heat that started from his forehead traveled down his neck, making his entire skin flush hot. The heat that clawed through his whole body pooled in a circle somewhere in his heart. That pooled heat turned into anger, churning Hae-won’s insides.

“…Hey. Talk.”

Hae-won looked up at Seo Hae-young, whose patience was beginning to run out, and gave a slight smile. His ears, which had been blocked and ringing, began to open up. He opened his mouth as intended. A pathetic, hoarse voice leaked thinly through his split lips.

“I hope you drop dead.”

Hae-won smirked, looking into Seo Hae-young’s eyes, which widened slightly in surprise. After remaining silent for a while, Seo Hae-young flicked his forehead with a finger.

“You shouldn’t say things like that.”

Though it was just a flick of a finger, his forehead stung with pain. Nevertheless, Hae-won smiled. Just as Seo Hae-young always smiled vacantly. Having his smile stolen, Seo Hae-young frowned and cupped Hae-won’s face with both palms. Wrapped snugly in those large hands, Hae-won no longer felt any flutter of excitement. Only laughter came.

Leaning down, Seo Hae-young rested his forehead against Hae-won’s and rolled his eyes anxiously. This isn’t right. Seo Hae-young was somewhat flustered. This situation wasn’t fun.

* * *

After a wasted trip to Seo Hae-young’s family home, Tae-gyeom opened the gate, which felt particularly gloomy today, and entered a relatively small house. After punching in a password that was almost absurdly simple, he passed through the entrance to be greeted by a chilly living room. The living room, which had been a mess only yesterday, was now neatly cleaned, and as expected, no one was there. Just as he was rummaging through his hair, wondering if he had come to the wrong place again, he discovered some soaking wet clothes.

The clothes lying on the floor like a shed skin were unmistakably Yoon Hae-won’s. They were too shabby to be Seo Hae-young’s. Cursing that he should have come here from the start, Tae-gyeom strode up the stairs two or three steps at a time.

“Fuck, Seo Hae-young!”

He remembered Hae-won trembling and clinging to him the moment he had pulled him out of the bathroom. Assuming that Seo Hae-young had done something fucked up again, Tae-gyeom hurried across the hallway and came to a sudden halt. A familiar sound leaked through the gap of an open door. A wet, suppressed sound.

“Ugh, ah… ngh…”

Tae-gyeom scoffed, feeling his head spin. It was Yoon Hae-won’s moan, which had been shared among them in the first place, but right now, he felt an oddly intense rage. He flung the door open and stepped into the room. Even though he must have sensed a presence, Seo Hae-young didn’t turn his head.

On the large bed beneath the window where rain left streaks, at a glance, it looked as if Seo Hae-young was doing something perverse alone. All that was visible was a broad back and straight shoulders. However, the widely spread legs were shaking along with the bed, making it clear who he was pinning down. The sight of the white legs limp as if dead was chilling; Tae-gyeom increased his stride and approached the bed without hiding his presence.

Seo Hae-young, who had been thrusting his hips, briefly shifted his damp, sunken gaze. But as if it were nothing, he looked away and used both hands to pull apart the flesh of Hae-won’s buttocks. The genitals sliding in and out were vividly exposed. Hae-won, his limbs limp, simply shook with his face buried in the pillow.

Tae-gyeom looked at Hae-won’s wretched state, which was more disastrous than the red, swollen hole, and wiped his forehead with a stiff hand. Words didn’t come easily.

“Are you fucking crazy…?”

On the lean back and protruding shoulder blades, red lines were drawn all the way down to the waist, as if he had been struck with something. Lowering his gaze slowly, he saw a belt gripped firmly in Seo Hae-young’s hand. He must have struck him quite hard; the belt marks filling Hae-won’s back were all dyed a vivid red. In some places, blood droplets had formed where vessels had burst, and the area around the hole was stained with Seo Hae-young’s semen. Tae-gyeom felt as if Hae-won looked dead; forgetting his anger at the incomprehensible behavior, he urgently lifted the face buried in the pillow.

“Hey, wake up…”

Tae-gyeom couldn’t finish his sentence as he scanned the ruined face. Hae-won, whose focus that should have been in his bright eyes had vanished into a blur, only let out occasional, fading moans. His face looked as if he didn’t even know who had arrived. The deep purple bruised cheek contrasted with the Yoon Hae-won in the photo, smiling with pale cheeks, tugging at Tae-gyeom’s conscience, which was smaller than a fingernail. The Yoon Hae-won in the photo, with a bandage on his chin and a pale smile, was nowhere to be seen in this face.

“Fuck…! Stop it!”

The moment he shoved the shoulder of the beast-like man who continued to thrust without stopping, Seo Hae-young grabbed his wrist. A strong grip tightened around Tae-gyeom’s wrist before flinging it aside. The white hand, having fallen, grabbed Hae-won’s hair and yanked it upward. Covering the mouth of Hae-won, whose back was arched backward, Seo Hae-young slightly opened his lips against the nape of the neck, where blue finger marks remained.

“Tae-gyeom.”

Having entwined Hae-won’s upper body with his long arms so he couldn’t escape, Seo Hae-young looked up at Tae-gyeom’s distorted face and continued. It was a bored mutter.

“It’s not fun anymore…”

Seo Hae-young kissed the cheek of Hae-won, who had lost consciousness amidst unbearable pain. With a mwah sound, the lips pulled away and curved into a smile. The smile, unilaterally announcing the end of the relationship, mercilessly grated on Tae-gyeom’s nerves.

Finally, after ejaculating inside Hae-won, who was engulfed in boiling heat, Seo Hae-young withdrew his member. The roundly opened hole closed very slowly, and the semen that hadn’t soaked into the inner walls flowed out in a stream. Wiping away the semen falling toward the perineum, Seo Hae-young pushed his fingers into the hole that was already so full there was no room left. Yet, as it continued to leak, he lifted the buttocks and shook the hand blocking the hole. Hae-won had no particular reaction, as if he had fainted.

Watching Seo Hae-young’s actions quietly, Tae-gyeom began to doubt if Yoon Hae-won was even alive. His lips, permeated with anxiety, moved on their own.

“Cut it out, seriously.”

Unfastening the folded belt from his hand, Seo Hae-young nonchalantly ignored Tae-gyeom and patted Hae-won’s flushed buttocks. Deciding it was enough, he removed his hand, and the filling semen flowed down the thighs.

“…I said stop.”

Though he knew it would be easier to leave it alone, Tae-gyeom couldn’t suppress his impulsive temper and pushed Seo Hae-young’s shoulder. It wasn’t a small amount of force. Having pushed Seo Hae-young away, Tae-gyeom knelt on the bed and turned over the limp Hae-won. Unable to touch the bruised areas, he tapped the intact cheek, and the closed eyelids trembled before opening slightly. Seo Hae-young, who brushed away Tae-gyeom’s hand as he breathed a sigh of relief, frowned. Following a look that asked where do you think you’re touching, a firm tone snapped out.

“He’s no good now. If you want to do it… go do it with Kang Jae-hyuk.”

As if imagining it for a brief moment, Seo Hae-young made a gagging gesture, then brushed back Hae-won’s sweat-soaked bangs and muttered in a tone laced with amusement.

“Fucking disgusting.”

Tae-gyeom, who had been forced to associate Kang Jae-hyuk in his mind, was so appalled he couldn’t say anything, then burst into a hollow laugh. The laughter vanished without a trace, and anger took its place.

“Are you joking right now? Who was the one who told you…?”

Tae-gyeom felt absurd even as he spoke. It was so childish that he felt like a throwing a tantrum like a young child. He let out a gasp and rummaged through his already messy hair. He wanted to storm out of the room immediately out of embarrassment, but a sticky greed held his ankles. He craved Yoon Hae-won, who was barely opening his eyes and breathing thin breaths. Eventually, Tae-gyeom gnashed his teeth, reaching out toward Hae-won, who was receiving Seo Hae-young’s touch.

“You go play with that bastard’s asshole, you fucker.”

While Kang Jae-hyuk, whose only fault was not having a particularly great appearance, became a victim of an unnecessary fight, Hae-won, who had endured the pouring abuse, vaguely regained consciousness. Trapped in a loud ringing, he pulled back his hands, which had no strength left in them. Even if he blocked his ears, someone’s voice poked at his eardrums. He curled his body, pushing away everything that touched his skin.

“Hng…!”

Looking at the startled Seo Hae-young, he hoped for a moment that he might back off now. It was a pipe dream. Instead of waving a white flag, Seo Hae-young picked up the belt. As a natural progression, his member was shoved into the heavily swollen hole, and the folded belt clawed across his back. He wailed, the pain so intense it snapped his dizzy mind back into focus. It felt as if oil had been poured on his back and set on fire. The torn skin blazed. Every time the man mounted on his back thrust his hips, his split cheek rubbed against the pillow. Even though he gave up his hole as requested, it seemed not to be enough, as Seo Hae-young repeatedly forced him to speak.

You like me, right? You do, right? Do you like me? I asked if you like me. Do you like me? You have to take responsibility, right? You like me, right?

The groin slapping against his buttocks and the leather belt slapping against his back. And questions with unknown intentions. Even if he said he liked him, the other wouldn’t believe it, and he didn’t like him anymore, so how should he answer? Hae-won endured, tears streaming down his face, clenching his teeth until his lips split. Then he would faint, wake up while being hit, faint, and wake up to a whispering voice.

Hae-won, who had been curled up and groaning, flinched the moment Tae-gyeom’s hand touched his shoulder. Not knowing who it was, he pushed away the hands gripping his forearm and shoulder, muttering in a completely hoarse voice.

“I hate it…! I hate everything. I don’t like you…! I hate it, I hate it all…!”

His mouth was open, but no crying came out. He was dried up. Feeling as if he were suffocating and about to die, Hae-won writhed his whole body, sobbing with a deep frown. Every time he felt the muscle and skin containing human warmth, a reflexive repulsion surged. Since they wouldn’t help anyway, since they’d only watch, since they’d only shove their dicks in—he wished they all would just die. He couldn’t stand to look at that pretty face anymore.

As he thought of Seo Hae-young, a sudden sensation flooded in. Everywhere the white hands had passed, tiny insects hatched from their eggs. Insects with dozens of legs grew plump in an instant, biting and gnawing at his flesh. Feeling like he was going crazy from the itch, he dug in his nails and scratched violently.

“Ah, ahh…!”

Neck, shoulders, forearms, back… Insects packed densely across his skin scurried away whenever his fingernails approached, only to scurry back the moment he moved his hand. As his short-clipped nails scraped across his flesh, countless red streaks appeared, but he felt no pain. He had only one thought: he had to kill them all. The moment he swung his arm toward his back, the buzzing noise grew louder. A wrist with prominent blue veins was suddenly gripped tight and yanked upward.

“Hey, hey…! What’s wrong with this bastard…! Stop it, damn it!”

“He’s like this sometimes. Hold him.”

“No, fuck! He’s bleeding!”

Arms grabbed and pinned him down from all sides, pulling him back. Hae-won let out a weak, sobbing whimper, his legs flailing. Even as his back, marked with red streaks, rubbed against the rustling duvet and stained it with blood, the itching crawling beneath his skin was more agonizing. Straining the veins in his neck, he kicked at the hand pressing down on his ankle. Hallucinations of whispering voices pierced his eardrums.

“Let go! Fuck, let me go!”

The moment he kicked a firmer body, Hae-won’s ankle was seized and he was dragged back, his jaw gripped in a brutal hold. Before he could continue cursing, a large palm struck his face.

“Ah…”

This time, it wasn’t just a ringing in his skull. The impact, feeling as if his brain had been hit directly, extinguished the itching in an instant.

The faceless figures pointing and calling him dirty, calling him a slut, vanished. The figure that had spat that no one would ever take his side subsided along with the insects. His limbs stiffened and then twitched as they relaxed, and his blurred vision returned. As the hazy veil lifted, Seo Hae-young appeared beyond it, frowning.

An expression that said he was slightly annoyed and bothered. His tightly closed red lips parted slightly. As Hae-won stared blankly up at those lips, a tone that seemed to spit out sheer patheticness flowed out.

“Know when to stop.”

Tears that had pooled escaped, dripping down his temples, clearing his vision further. Hae-won’s red, raw eyes regained a clear consciousness. However, it was too unstable to be called normal, wavering without direction. Every time he had these irregular seizures since returning from vacation, parts of his memory vanished. As he blinked his unfocused eyes, drained of energy, the hand gripping his jaw was forced away by someone else’s strength.

“His habit with his hands is fucking…”

Tae-gyeom glared at Seo Hae-young, stripped off the shirt he was wearing, and helped Hae-won up. Hae-won, having gone limp, watched Tae-gyeom dress him in the shirt and fasten the buttons with clumsy hands, his eyes darting around. It felt like Go Tae-gyeom had been here the whole time, but then again, maybe not. His memories were jumbled.

Staggering, Hae-won barely managed to remember the moment he had spoken to Tae-gyeom on the phone, then lifted his head to face Seo Hae-young. Seeing Seo Hae-young’s expression gradually harden as each shirt button was fastened, his trembling subsided. His back stung where the stiff shirt rubbed against it.

He doesn’t believe the words “I love you,” but he must not say “I don’t love you.”

He will personally spread his legs for him, but he must not wear someone else’s clothes.

He wounds him mercilessly, but he must not wound himself.

Seo Hae-young’s standards were ambiguous and blurred. Hae-won took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. As he extended his aching legs to step off the bed, someone grabbed his arm.

“I’ll take you… for now…”

Hae-won violently shook off the supporting arm. Perhaps thinking he would be different, Go Tae-gyeom’s distorted expression was quite a sight. Glancing sideways at the two men, Hae-won left the bed behind and crossed the room. Semen leaked and flowed down his thighs to his calves, dripping pale fluid onto the clean floor with every limping step.

Wondering how far he would go, Seo Hae-young, who had been watching in silence, spoke.

“Seo.”

Stopping in his tracks, Hae-won looked back with a tired face. Seo Hae-young tapped the bed. It was a gesture that assumed he must return, and expected that he would. Go Tae-gyeom, perhaps held back by his own precious pride, merely watched with a furrowed brow. Hae-won looked back and forth between the two overbearing men and parted his parched lips.

“Bullshit…”

He turned his back and left the room. With every step, the chest pocket rustled. Reaching into the pocket, Hae-won pulled out a bothersome piece of paper, looked down at the half-photo, and gripped both ends, ripping it apart. He didn’t know how he had come to possess this, but it was simply unpleasant. A bright smile, now split into four pieces, fell in the hallway.

Holding onto the stair railing, he descended step by step. As he neared the first floor, heavy footsteps approached quickly. Despite sensing a presence behind him, Hae-won remained calm. He had expected this. However, contrary to his expectations, there was no room to resist. In an instant, his hair was grabbed, and he was flung forward. Tumbling down five steps, Hae-won couldn’t even let out a groan, his limbs twitching on the marble floor.

“Ugh…! Gasp…!”

He must have hit his solar plexus; his breath was knocked out of him. While he lay prone, panting and clutching his chest, Seo Hae-young slowly descended the stairs and stood at his feet.

“Did you find someone else? Why are you being so stubborn?”

Hae-won, grabbed by the scruff of his neck and thrown back onto the stairs, couldn’t stop the hand that lifted the hem of the shirt covering his backside. Pressing firmly on the back of his head to keep him from getting up, Seo Hae-young knelt on the stairs and thrust three fingers at once into the hole that hadn’t yet closed. The uncurled fingers dug deep into the inner walls, damp with semen.

“Hic…!”

Hae-won opened his mouth wide and trembled violently. Seo Hae-young put strength into his arm and moved vigorously back and forth. As the fingers passed through the sensitive inner walls, a loud squelching sound echoed, mixed with a monotonous voice.

“I’m done with this, so I’m just ripping it.”

“Ah, st-stop…!”

One finger circled the wide-open entrance before beginning to enter bit by bit. When all four fingers were inside the hole, Hae-won arched his back sharply and looked up at Tae-gyeom coming down the stairs.

“Ah, ah…”

His stomach felt sick. On the stairs where there was no place for fingernails to dig in, his hand slipped. Sprawled on the stairs with his head tilted, Hae-won gasped the moment he felt a thumb groping around the hole. A loud, noisy warning alarm rang in his ears. He’s going to die. If a fist is shoved in like this, he feels like he’ll die.

“Fuck, what the hell are you doing right now!”

Semen pooled in the white palm and flowed down the wrist. As the thumb dug into the hole, Hae-won choked and writhed his legs. He knew Seo Hae-young too well to waste time assuming that he wouldn’t actually put it in. He was the kind of man who would put it in and then some.

Before Tae-gyeom could even finish descending the stairs, Hae-won twisted his body with all his might to escape Seo Hae-young’s grip. Simultaneously, the fingers that had stretched the hole to its limit slid out, and the pooled semen splattered down.

The sound of ragged breathing was vivid. The thumping of his heart blocked out Tae-gyeom’s voice. After kicking Seo Hae-young, Hae-won sprang up, though his knee buckled once and he fell; regardless, he crawled forward urgently. Bracing himself against a long, low decorative cabinet lining the wall, he scrambled toward the entrance. His hands shaking, he forced strength into his collapsing legs, trying his best not to look at Seo Hae-young.

As the entrance came within reach, a low voice called his name from behind.

“Hae-won.”

An arrogant voice that assumed he must look back, and expected that he would.

A habit cultivated over a long period urged him to return to Seo Hae-young. That if he went back now and begged with folded hands, asking him not to make it hurt, he might be forgiven. So, go back. But Hae-won kept his gaze fixed forward and pushed off the ground.

Sting. A sharp piece of stone pierced the sole of his foot. At some point, tears began to stream. The path where the warm tears flowed stung even more than the sole of his foot. He was as angry as he was afraid, and as afraid as he was angry. Cold air wrapped around his bare legs. He didn’t bother to stop his legs, which were running on instinct.

“Where the hell is he going like that…”

Tae-gyeom was also on the verge of losing it. The guy had no money and had run off with his lower half completely exposed. Until a few weeks ago, he would have laughed until he gasped for air, but today, strangely, he couldn’t laugh. Letting out a deep sigh, he grabbed Hae-won’s clothes and phone. Meanwhile, Seo Hae-young, who had picked up the car keys from the living room table, stroked the back of his neck and left through the open front door after leaving one word.

“Tell me if you find him.”

Tae-gyeom twisted his lips. He looked like he’d kill him if he found him, so who on earth would tell him? He probably couldn’t have gone far. Thinking that he must be nearby, both of them scanned the area leisurely at first, but their pace gradually quickened and their eyes searched frantically. They found no sign of Hae-won in the garden where the rain had stopped or in the quiet alley in front of the house.

“Fuck… where did he go…”

Tae-gyeom looked around the quiet residential area where the rain had just ceased, gripping Hae-won’s clothes tightly in his hand. Seo Hae-young, who had come around from the opposite alley, seemed to think for a moment and then entered the parking lot. Soon after, Seo Hae-young drove out, passing Tae-gyeom so closely he almost hit him without slowing down. Tae-gyeom, whose knee almost got crushed, gave the middle finger to the back of the pristine car. Even as he responded childishly to Seo Hae-young’s childish behavior, a sense of self-loathing crept up.

Judging by the direction the car was heading, it was toward where Yoon Hae-won’s house was. Tae-gyeom walked toward his car parked at the end of the alley, agonizing over it. Whether he should follow or not, things like that. Following because he was worried about Yoon Hae-won wounded his pride. But going home like this made his greed boil. No matter how insane he was, Seo Hae-young wasn’t a man who would kill someone; he’d probably just beat him moderately and be done with it, but Yoon Hae-won’s voice, frantically muttering that he hated it, lingered in his ears.

“This is bullshit…”

Even if he went home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully. Increasing his stride, Tae-gyeom arrived at the black car, yanked open the passenger door, and threw in the clothes and phone. As he stepped back toward the driver’s seat, he saw a familiar shirt hem peeking out from the trunk. Frowning deeply, Tae-gyeom strode toward the back of the car.

The moment he discovered Hae-won crouching with his knees hugged to his chest and bare feet, he swallowed a curse and kicked the tire. It wasn’t like he was training a puppy; seeing the guy who had been made to run until he sweated in this weather now sobbing and acting pitiful made him feel like he was going to suffocate. Feeling like he might actually throw a punch this time, Tae-gyeom covered his eyes and forced out a voice that was choked up.

“Why, fuck… are you doing this bullshit… here…”

Since he had been driven in it many times, there was no way Hae-won didn’t know this was his car; he sniffled with a stuffed nose and pushed himself up from the ground.

Hae-won didn’t want to be like this either. Maybe if it were Joo Hyun-woo, but he didn’t want to ask Go Tae-gyeom for help. Once he’d run out, he had no pants, no money, no phone, and Seo Hae-young was terrifying. The situation was so absurd that he had cried while giggling, and now his eyes hurt as if they were being pulled out. Hae-won pressed his swollen eyelids with both hands and muttered softly.

“…Take me home.”

* * *

While the implicit rules surrounding Yoon Hae-won were collapsing, a second guest arrived at the ownerless house. Hyun-woo, who inserted and turned the key with familiarity, looked at the locked door with suspicion and opened it again.

“Hae-won… what the…”

Calling his name, Hyun-woo’s mouth fell open, and he rushed urgently into the wreckage, but unfortunately, the person he was looking for had long since vanished.

Having returned earlier than expected because the plumbing was acting up again, Hyun-woo put the plain cake that Hae-won liked in the refrigerator and picked up his phone. Hae-won, who had left the house in this state, did not answer the call.

Unaware of the circumstances, Hyun-woo continued to call while tidying up the messy room. He put trash in bags and organized the scattered albums into the low bookshelf, where he discovered a torn photo. It was a photo of himself. A photo torn from the shoulder down.

Since they had taken so many photos, he couldn’t quite remember when it was taken. But he remembered the person who had been in the same frame. How could he forget Yoon Hae-won from those days?

Letting out a hollow laugh, Hyun-woo flicked the half-photo and left the house, leaving behind the neatly tidied home. He knew one person who would act this filthily.

After an enraged Hyun-woo left the house, Seo Hae-young’s car stopped in the same place as this morning. Getting out without even turning off the engine, Seo Hae-young stepped on the puddle where Hae-won had fallen and ran toward the empty house. His clean face was, for once, completely distorted.

The two people, narrowly missing each other, ran in different directions, searching for the same person.

* * *

“Why the fuck did I come here…”

Tae-gyeom got into the driver’s seat, turning his back on Hae-won, who was acting as if he were the most pitiful person in the world. Although he hadn’t said he would give him a ride, Hae-won walked out with awkward, hesitant steps and opened the back door. The brazenness of naturally reaching for the wallet hadn’t gone anywhere. He didn’t hate it—then or now—but for some reason, a crooked feeling welled up.

“Who told you to get in?”

Hae-won, who had climbed in awkwardly, closed the door without answering. The sight of him sitting slanted, groaning as if even sitting was a struggle, was reflected in the rearview mirror. Tae-gyeom let out an endless sigh and carefully stepped on the accelerator. As he tapped the steering wheel with his fingers to suppress his explosive temper, his heightened nerves shifted to the back seat.

He had managed to get Yoon Hae-won out as desired, but now he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t come looking for him with any particular plan for the aftermath. Checking the rearview mirror again, Tae-gyeom shuddered and threw the blanket from the passenger seat to the back.

“Fuck…! Hey, spread this out! If you leak, you’re dead!”

He wondered why he couldn’t sit properly, and indeed, the area between his legs was glistening. Unable to bear the sight of Seo Hae-young’s semen dirtying the car seat, Tae-gyeom made a fuss until Hae-won neatly spread the blanket and sat on it. His voice was so loud and every word was so laced with curses that Hae-won covered his ears, and only after he quietly sat on the blanket did the car become silent.

With nothing to say to each other, Hae-won, who had been watching the scenery flash by outside the window, frowned. The scenery looked unfamiliar. Looking around anxiously, he straightened his stiff back and tapped the driver’s seat.

“My house…”

“What, that house Seo Hae-young was chasing after like crazy?”

Tae-gyeom snapped back more sharply than necessary. Hae-won stared at the back of Tae-gyeom’s head as he raged alone, then shut his mouth and leaned back. Dealing with Go Tae-gyeom, whose behavior changed according to his mood, was always exhausting.

Sliding down and resting his head against the seat, Hae-won closed his dry eyes. A person was vividly drawn upon his closed eyelids. He could describe every detail of the face.

Whenever he thought of Seo Hae-young, refined lines filled with longing spontaneously created a shy expression, and the more he did, the more glamorous the Seo Hae-young in his imagination became. A noble image was created—one he could never reach, and must never reach. Only now did he realize that the image was purely his own delusion. Along with this belated realization, Hae-won developed another desire.

He hoped Seo Hae-young would suffer. He hoped a day would come when he cried from hardship and bowed that stiff head in agony.

“Get out.”

Though such a thing would never happen.

The parking lot was unusually deserted for the evening. Ignoring Tae-gyeom, who complained about why he was wearing wet clothes, Hae-won stubbornly put on his pants and slowly stepped out of the back seat.

Instead of a musty smell, the underground parking lot was filled with moderately pleasant and cool air. Arriving at an unfamiliar place, Hae-won couldn’t blend in easily and hesitated. His beaten body and overworked hole also contributed to his uncomfortable gait.

He had never been to the house where Go Tae-gyeom lived alone. Tae-gyeom wasn’t the type to invite people over for loud parties, nor were they the kind of relationship to watch movies and eat snacks together, so he hadn’t expected to be brought here. Hae-won, who thought he would be dropped off in front of some shabby motel, looked around with an anxious face.

Actually, that would have been more comfortable. While wondering if he should ask for money now, he looked up at the man walking ahead, and the fast-paced Tae-gyeom was already entering the elevator.

“Hurry up…”

Tae-gyeom, holding the closing door open with his foot, poked his head out. His expression was full of a mean temper. Sensing the mood, Hae-won slowly stepped into the enclosed space.

As the square box ascended higher and higher, an excessive tension filled the gap between the two. While Hae-won clung to the corner and stared at Tae-gyeom’s back, the fast-rising elevator arrived at the 13th floor. As soon as the thick iron door slid open with a cheerful notification sound, an uninvited guest greeted them. Tae-gyeom’s eyebrows furrowed sharply.

“Why are you here?”

Tae-gyeom, who had been intentionally ignoring the incoming calls, stepped out into the hallway while scanning Hyun-woo with an unpleasant gaze. Hyun-woo slowly lowered the phone from his ear, his gaze passing over Tae-gyeom to land on the ragged state of Hae-won. It was a sight sufficient to snap the rationality of Hyun-woo, who had been frantically searching for Hae-won all this time.

Striding forward, Hyun-woo threw a punch in an instant. He knocked Tae-gyeom down after a sudden blow to the jaw sent him reeling, and then climbed on top of him. Having been punched out of nowhere, Tae-gyeom was so flabbergasted that his fatigue vanished instantly.

“Fuck, what the hell—”

“The kid—you crazy bastard…!”

Hyun-woo landed another punch before Tae-gyeom could even finish his sentence. Regardless of what was happening, Tae-gyeom wasn’t the type to just stand there and take it. Hae-won watched the two of them start swinging the moment they met, then shifted his gaze to his scraped palms. He was too exhausted to wonder why they were fighting.

Meanwhile, the elevator doors closed again. The elevator, one for each line, remained stationary, moving neither up nor down. Hae-won covered his ears, hating the sound of the dogfight echoing even into the narrow space. His headache was so severe that his lower jaw felt numb. He curled up, folding his aching legs and burying his forehead in his knees.

Curling his body into a ball and blocking out the noise, he escaped to the familiar home residing in his mind. Since it was a habit he had whenever work was hard or he encountered an unbearable customer, the imagination unfolded easily. The living room reachable in three steps from the entrance, the low desk with creaking legs, the window with a flimsy security grate, and the bathroom within five steps from there. The familiar home of his that always held him back, even when he wanted to fly far away.

While he was visualizing the kitchen where it was difficult to cook even a single meal and the linoleum floor that felt sticky against the soles of his feet when it rained, the closed door slid open. Tae-gyeom, looking as if he were dying of embarrassment with his head hung low, gestured irritably.

“Hey. Get out.”

Tae-gyeom, his lip split, held his stinging jaw and let out a long sigh. Hyun-woo, with a bloody nose, wiped the blood away and stepped into the elevator. Tae-gyeom, who had been holding the door, stretched out his leg and kicked Hyun-woo’s calf just as he was helping Hae-won up.

“You fucker. You’re not even going to apologize?”

Staggering slightly, Hyun-woo glared at Tae-gyeom with eyes that still hadn’t cooled their anger.

“I thought you were the one who beat him, you idiot.”

“Wow… Am I Seo Hae-young? That I’d beat someone?”

“What’s the difference…”

His pride wounded, Tae-gyeom grabbed Hyun-woo by the collar, then shifted his gaze to Hae-won, who was staggering along with them. Hae-won, whose face was stained red and blue in various places, frowned. Cursing under his breath, Tae-gyeom roughly let go of the collar and turned his back.

“I fucking hate this.”

Everything about it was unpleasant. The fact that Joo Hyun-woo, who hadn’t thrown a punch since middle school, had fought as an adult; his stinging cheek; the premonition that they could never return to their previous relationship; and Yoon Hae-won, who was becoming increasingly uncomfortable to be around. He hated it all.

* * *

Except for being excessively spacious, Tae-gyeom’s house looked like that of a college student living alone. It was messy and lacked the essentials. There was no medicine to bring down a fever, nor any food to line the stomach before taking medicine. All there was were books and clothes dropped haphazardly on the floor and a refrigerator full of alcohol.

Despite that, he seemed to hate the idea of Hae-won’s bare feet, which had stepped all over the place, entering the house. When Tae-gyeom tried to close the door after chasing Hae-won into the bathroom, Hae-won jumped up and down as if he had never been limp.

“You’re being so sensitive, seriously…”

Eventually, Tae-gyeom left the bathroom door wide open and sat at a distance from Hyun-woo, who had forced his way in and sat on the sofa as if it were his own home. Naturally, the atmosphere in the living room where the two men who had just been punching each other sat was not very good.

The silence, which hadn’t existed before, was uncomfortable. Reaching out, Tae-gyeom grabbed the remote and flipped through the unremarkable channels before settling on a variety show with faint laughter. The living room, without the lights on, repeatedly flickered between pale light emanating from the screen and darkness.

The two of them didn’t take their eyes off the screen as the aimless content flowed by. The sound from the speakers was so low that the sound of water dripping in the distant bathroom was louder. Tae-gyeom pulled out a tissue, pressed it to his mouth, and broke his silence.

“Aren’t you leaving? Don’t you have work?”

“Who knows what you’ll do. I’m not leaving, you fucker.”

Hyun-woo replied slowly, shaking his nose where the bleeding had stopped. A deep purple bruise was beginning to form on the bridge of his nose.

“This guy is fucking hilarious…”

The idle conversation quickly ran out, much like the variety show passing by. Neither of them could remember what conversations they used to have or how they spent their time before. The past, which had been modestly joyful and comfortable in its own way, was covered by the memories of the last few months. Days when they would spread Yoon Hae-won’s legs the moment they met, their eyes crazed with the desire to dig deeper. Those excessively stimulating days had erased their peaceful daily lives.

In place of familiarity or comfort, a subtle wariness toward each other sharpened. The crack that had formed between Tae-gyeom and Hyun-woo, who had spent as much time together as Seo Hae-young and Yoon Hae-won, grew longer and wider as time passed. Black desire flowed steadily through the gap.

The two listened to the sounds Hae-won was making—the rubbing of skin and the sound of water tapping against the tiles.

In the ensuing silence, with eyes fixed on the flashing screen, one of them spoke first. A slightly awkward and pretentious tone, used to test the other, blended with the sound of water.

“Seo Hae-young… don’t you think things would be better if that bastard just wasn’t around?”

* * *

Hae-won, who had spent quite a long time washing himself obsessively, wiped the remaining water from his body, which was mottled with wounds. He instinctively looked around for where new clothes might be and paused. There were no clothes on the shelves or the towel rack. Naturally, there were none by the door either. That made sense. This wasn’t Seo Hae-young’s house.

On days he stayed over, Seo Hae-young always put clothes to wear after washing in the bathroom basket. Since he had never seen him put them there, he probably did it before arriving home.

His back, which had been struck by a belt as a reminder to wake up, stung. How much time would it take to erase the traces left by Seo Hae-young, who had been meticulously attentive in unexpected ways and very occasionally kind? He had come too far to reclaim the favors and kindness he had taken for granted. More frightening than the wounds that would remain as scars were the habits ingrained in his body.

Burying his face in both palms, Hae-won took a deep breath and let it out. The burning fever suppressed his sorrow and the disgust he felt for them. Thanks to that, his paralyzed rationality reared its head. Lowering his hands, Hae-won looked into the mirror that was only half-fogged. He let out a helpless sigh as he scanned a face that looked beyond pitiful—it looked miserable.

“…Ah.”

He remembered. The reason Joo Hyun-woo had been acting unpleasant, making those chilling phone calls in broad daylight.

“We’re going in winter, let’s go together. I’ll prepare everything. Right? Hae-won.”

“Hae-won. Clothes.”

Through the mirror, his eyes met Joo Hyun-woo’s. Joo Hyun-woo, who pretended to be kind while plotting to steal the lead behind his back.

It wasn’t bad. The resolution he had made at dawn remained valid. Seo Hae-young must be punished for acting so arrogant. Go Tae-gyeom must be punished for speaking recklessly. Joo Hyun-woo must be punished for cooperating.

Hae-won gripped the wet towel tightly. Soon, Hyun-woo’s gaze dropped sharply to his ruined back. Simultaneously, his eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed deeply.

“That bastard… is there something wrong with his head? His back is…”

It was funny that a man who gets excited while strangling someone was horrified by the wounds of a beating, but Hae-won couldn’t laugh. Turning around, Hae-won took the clothes draped over Hyun-woo’s arm and put them on calmly, as if he weren’t in pain at all. Tae-gyeom’s mistake in not kicking Hyun-woo out became an opportunity for Hae-won.

“…I’m okay.”

As he answered quietly and smiled, the bugs hiding beneath his skin began to crawl again.

Two collaborated, and one resolved. The three decided to maintain their unstable relationship for a while, hiding their true intentions. Coincidentally, their intentions were all the same. Take them out one by one.

Hae-won scratched his itchy wrist as he passed by Hyun-woo, who was flustered by the unexpected smile. He had to kill them all. Whether they were bugs or whatever. The tender skin was hideously peeled away along the nail marks. Even as blood seeped out, it felt more itchy than painful. Just as he entered the living room, scratching around the bleeding area, he heard a voice laced with laughter.

“Hey. Come here quickly.”

Looking up, he saw Tae-gyeom, who had lined up three phones on the low table, giggling before wincing and touching his split lip. Muttering, “This fucking hurts,” he glared with sharp eyes at Hyun-woo following behind, then grabbed the arm of the blankly standing Hae-won and pulled him onto the sofa.

Naturally wrapping an arm around his waist, Tae-gyeom slowly rubbed the area near Hae-won’s pelvis with his palm and gestured with his chin toward the vibrating phones.

“Seo Hae-young is calling like crazy. He must be losing it.”

“Stop touching him.”

Hyun-woo abruptly brushed away the hand touching Hae-won’s pelvis and sat beside him. In front of the sofa where the three sat, phones from different devices were buzzing on the table. Tae-gyeom, whose attitude changed twelve times a day depending on his mood, leaned his chin on Hae-won’s shoulder and whispered in a suggestive tone. He was full of mischief.

“Want to bet?”

The content of the bet was simple. Tae-gyeom brought up the topic while dangling his feet in the air. The bet was absurd, yet it created ripples in Hae-won’s unstable mind.

Whether Seo Hae-young comes or doesn’t come.

Facing the two options, the back of his neck turned cold. Clenching his knees with both hands, his knuckles prominent with pale veins, Hae-won looked at Tae-gyeom. The eyes, formed with sharp lines and slightly drooping at the corners, didn’t look kind; instead, they made his temper seem even worse. His red-rimmed eyelids blinked several times, containing his anxiety.

“What do you think? I’m betting he won’t come.”

He couldn’t tell what the motive was. He acted as if he were helping, but then behaved as if he would sell him out in an instant. His stinging back bent forward. As his body began to tremble slightly, Hyun-woo’s hand landed on the back of his hand. While he let the warm hand gently stroke his thin skin and took a moment to catch his breath, Hyun-woo muttered indifferently with his chin resting on his hand.

“Is that actually fun?”

“Shut up. Yoon Hae-won says it’s fun, so why?”

Without saying a word, Hae-won stared down at the phone where Seo Hae-young’s name was floating. After the vibration rang twice and the screen went black, lips pressed against his intact cheek.

“It’ll be fun, right?”

The lips slid down his cheek, biting and lightly pulling his earlobe. Hae-won moved closer to Hyun-woo to avoid Tae-gyeom, who was thickly stroking his exposed thigh, and rubbed his itchy ear. Receiving a reaction close to contempt, Tae-gyeom expressed his dissatisfaction by pinching Hae-won’s soft cheek hard.

“You’re really playing hard to get.”

“You fucker, he said he doesn’t want to.”

Hyun-woo gave a teasing reprimand with a smile and wrapped his arm around Hae-won’s shoulder. Their thighs occasionally brushed, and a lukewarm warmth stained the bare skin. Hae-won straightened his waist and kept his body stiffly tense.

The weight of the thick arm resting on his shoulder, the repeated bumping of knees, the hands wandering over protruding bones. It felt precarious, as if crossing a single line would cause the events of that day to repeat. The cold glass table and the hands that had forced his legs open to dig inside were still vividly etched into his skin.

Memories that defiled the night and kept him from sleeping.

Regardless of his resolve, sex with them was still terrifying. The pain proportional to the endless drive of pleasure and the sensation of the ground collapsing were enough to make him terrified.

But if he could achieve the desired result, that much was bearable. He had no other talents, but he was good at enduring.

“I… this…”

Lowering his eyes to hide his churning emotions, Hae-won grabbed Hyun-woo’s arm and pulled it down. Hyun-woo, who had been exchanging trivial conversation with Tae-gyeom, leaned down to look at his face.

“Yeah?”

“It’s heavy.”

The hand that had slid off Hyun-woo’s arm moved downward. Fingers fumbled their way into his palm. Startled, Hyun-woo interlaced their fingers in a grip that felt almost hurried. Holding the hot hand, Hae-won suppressed the urge to shake it off. This level of disgust was bearable.

However, in trying to gauge the appropriate level, Hae-won overlooked two things. That there was someone watching the sight of their entwined hands, and that the person had a temper that was far from ordinary.

Sarcasm burst out without hesitation.

“Wow… Now you’re even playing house?”

Tae-gyeom was twisted with jealousy. It was deeply unpleasant that he would recoil in horror from one person’s lips but hold another’s hand tightly. The thought that they were putting on a show, combined with a subtle sense of crisis, prevented any kind words from coming out.

“If you’re jealous, just say so.”

It was Hyun-woo who added fuel to the fire. He brought the interlaced hand to his lips, kissing the back of it repeatedly and lightly pulling the tender skin with his lips. The lips, sucking slightly and then releasing, gradually moved down toward the wrist.

“Stop it…”

As a sense of repulsion began to rise, Hae-won pushed Hyun-woo’s shoulder away, but the voice that leaked out weakly only served to pique their interest. Since the two who accepted it felt that way, Hae-won’s will was unnecessary. Hyun-woo, smiling with his lips against the wrist, stuck out his tongue and licked the blue vein lengthwise.

“This doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“…What a load of bullshit.”

Unable to endure for a moment longer, Tae-gyeom suddenly grabbed Hae-won’s shoulder and shoved him forward.

“Ah…!”

Hae-won, falling from the sofa and sprawling on the cold floor, looked up. Questioning and bewilderment were clearly reflected on his bruised face. His palms, which hit the floor, stung far more than his aching shoulder. It was a strange sensation, as if a round, long object had dug in and touched a muscle. As Tae-gyeom opened his mouth, that sensation amplified.

“Our Hae-won should be right there. Right?”

Tae-gyeom, who had just sat him on the sofa and hugged him, had thrown him to the floor as if flipping a palm, yet he lifted his chin with an expression devoid of a shred of shame.

“Are you crazy, seriously…”

Tae-gyeom blocked Hyun-woo, who reached out to help him up immediately, and stepped hard on Hae-won’s knee. Compared to Seo Hae-young’s kicking, the force was like a child’s prank, so it didn’t hurt. Hae-won looked at the foot pressing his knee and clenched his hand, which had lost its warmth, and then filth was poured over his crown.

“Know your place. Don’t get cocky just because I was a bit nice to you.”

“…Hey.”

Hyun-woo rubbed his face as if he were flabbergasted, but Tae-gyeom remained steadfast. Half of him thought he shouldn’t act this way, but the other half wondered what he could do about being so pissed off. His uncontrolled mouth moved on its own, pouring out only ugly words.

“Say ‘yes’.”

The rounded corner of the phone pushed against his forehead. Hae-won bit his split lip and gripped the cold floor. There was nothing to hold onto. After hesitating, he lifted his heavy head.

“Just hand it over? Do you get off on being beaten by that bastard?”

The longer he looked up at Tae-gyeom, who was trampling on his small, flickering pride, the colder his fingertips became. Having descended to a point where they no longer shared the same eye level, Hae-won shifted his gaze to Hyun-woo. Hyun-woo, who had been rubbing lips just a moment ago, now had a reluctant expression, as if there were some unavoidable unwritten rule. Leaning back against the headrest with his arms crossed, Hyun-woo looked excessively giant, and coldly so. With an attitude of observing everything as long as the line wasn’t crossed, he couldn’t stop Tae-gyeom.

“Huh? Did you feel it? Why didn’t you just let him put a fist in too? You probably fainted from pleasure, right?”

His forehead was pushed back again, and his eyelashes fell. Hyun-woo watched the long shadow cast over the pale cheek with an uncomfortable heart, then looked away. The more Go Tae-gyeom acted crookedly and cruelly, the more secure his own position became. He felt sorry for Hae-won, but he welcomed Tae-gyeom’s harsh words.

“Call him?”

Hae-won, slowly shaking his head toward Tae-gyeom who was waving the phone, gripped the foot pressing his knee. He climbed up the ankle to embrace the area near the shin and struggled to move his lips, which refused to detach.

“Don’t call him…”

His pride crumbled. It turned to ash and vanished, slipping through his fingers even as he tried to catch it. Repeating to himself that it wasn’t a difficult task, Hae-won leaned his cheek against Tae-gyeom’s hard knee and curled the corners of his mouth upward. The lips, forming a beautiful arc, hid his hideously broken heart.

“I’ll be good. You said I’m good at it. Shall we do it now? Instead of calling Hae-young, okay?”

Silence descended upon the wide living room. Unable to think of any other way, Hae-won rolled his eyes in the silence and quickly crawled between Tae-gyeom’s legs. He placed his hand on the pants and urgently undid the buckle. Seo Hae-young is coming. As the shadow approached, his hands fumbled, and his servile smile deepened.

“My back still hurts, so I’ll do it with my mouth. Is that okay?”

Tae-gyeom couldn’t say a word. It was because the Hae-won currently kneeling between his legs felt like a different person. This wasn’t the Hae-won who had glared at him with murderous intent, spitting curses the first time he had forced a penis into his mouth. The way he wore a gentle smile and tried to coax him made him look like nothing more than a slut who was desperate to suck someone’s cock even after being beaten. Tae-gyeom was too bewildered to decide whether he liked it or hated it.

“……Hae-won, get up.”

Hyun-woo, also surprised, grabbed his arm, but Hae-won pushed the hand away and pressed closer to Tae-gyeom.

“I’m good at it. I’ll be quiet. Want to do it?”

The moment Hae-won smiled and looked up, a sense of emptiness and bewilderment tightened around Tae-gyeom’s head. Hae-won’s bizarre behavior poured gasoline on his fiery temper.

“This…… you fucking piece of shit, where do you think you’re—”

Tae-gyeom grabbed Hae-won by the collar and yanked him forward. Hae-won, pulled along helplessly, closed his eyes tightly as if dizzy. Tae-gyeom raised his hand, intending to slap that pathetic face, but then he hesitated. Something more powerful than Joo Hyun-woo, who had snatched his wrist, stopped his impulsive action.

You piece of shit! Are you crazy right now?

Joo Hyun-woo’s voice rang out like an echo from afar. This, fucking……. Tae-gyeom cursed and roughly shook off the arm. He couldn’t bring himself to strike Hae-won, who exposed his bruised cheek as if it were okay to be hit. Something wound tightly around his wrist, preventing him from moving. Whether it was conscience, morality, or some other emotion. Suddenly, the way Seo Hae-young slapped cheeks without hesitation felt strange.

White skin and the bruises covering it. Long eyelashes, and the lines of the eyes and bridge of the nose that formed a depressed but straight silhouette. Lips that were bright red from being burst and bitten. A sharp gaze scanned every inch of the face, but…… no matter how much he thought about it, there was nowhere on Yoon Hae-won to hit. No matter how angry he was, he couldn’t hit any part of him.

“Just act cheap…….”

Tae-gyeom, unable to even land a single slap, let go of the collar and lowered his head before looking back up. No one saw the expression that twisted violently for a moment. Letting out an irritated sigh, Tae-gyeom calmed his anger, resting his chin on his hand as he looked down at Hae-won instead of hitting him.

As their gazes locked, the brown eyes that looked back without flinching were different from when he had a seizure. They were clear, yet it felt as if they were looking at somewhere far away. They were excessively clear, as if there were some hidden motive. However, Yoon Hae-won wasn’t smart enough to be thinking of other things. Which meant he couldn’t do anything reckless.

Tae-gyeom fiddled with his phone, which had started ringing again, while staring intently at the lips covered in scabs.

“Try kissing me. Are you good at that too?”

Tae-gyeom tended to hold grudges. Hae-won met the eyes of Tae-gyeom, who acted as if he wanted to see Hae-won properly humble his pride, and shifted his weight on his kneeling knees. A hollow laugh escaped as he lightly kissed the lips where the corners were burst. A ticklish breath brushed against the lips, but as he tilted his head and kissed him a few more times, even that vanished.

Go Tae-gyeom’s lips were dry and tasted of blood. It was a light kiss that felt that way. That was until his cheek was suddenly cupped and they locked deeply.

“Hng, nh…….”

Hae-won, his neck bent back sharply, opened his closed eyes as he gave his mouth over to the invading tongue. The light from the television flickered and covered the dark ceiling. In his spinning field of vision, he saw Hyun-woo with a deep frown. The expression, looking as if something of his had been stolen, was simply amusing.

While locking eyes with Hyun-woo, the connection deepened. Every time Tae-gyeom wrapped his tongue around and tilted his head, Hae-won’s body jerked. The tangling flesh and the persistent kiss stirred his mind into a blur, as always. With hands that twitched as if wanting to push away, he clawed at the sofa. Finally, as their lips parted, a hot breath burst out.

“Haa…….”

Hae-won breathed heavily, carefully scanning Tae-gyeom’s loosened expression. Perhaps noticing that he was reading the room, Tae-gyeom let out a low laugh.

“You’re fucking terrible, so don’t go around saying you’re good at it.”

Tae-gyeom gave the lips one last suck and threw the ringing phone onto the opposite sofa.

“Ah……. Joo Hyun-woo, who the hell is calling?”

Even while calling out to Hyun-woo, Tae-gyeom’s gaze was directed downward. He let Hae-won’s round head rest against his thigh and stroked his hair, ears, and cheeks in turn. It felt like an affectionate touch for a moment, but he didn’t pull him up onto the sofa.

Hae-won, with his eyes closed, had to struggle to suppress a sorrowful smile. The expression that had momentarily flashed across Go Tae-gyeom’s face was quite a sight. It seemed that someone groveling wasn’t his taste. Or perhaps he had looked pitiful for a moment.

It was a strange thing. A guy who could barely frown while Seo Hae-young kicked him nearly to death couldn’t even raise a hand. It was all ridiculous. It wasn’t funny, but it was absurd. The corners of his mouth twitched uncontrollably, and he buried his face in Tae-gyeom’s palm.

* * *

The trivial bet continued without stopping. Go Tae-gyeom bet that he wouldn’t come, and Joo Hyun-woo bet that he would. As usual, the two put money on the line. Since Hae-won had nothing to bet and wasn’t in a position to offer an opinion, he sat on the cold floor and watched the two of them drink, waiting for the time limit to end.

“How is he supposed to come when he doesn’t even know where this is? You should’ve given him a hint.”

“You came, so why wouldn’t that bastard be able to? Seeing how the phone is blowing up, he knows exactly where this is. That he’s the one who brought him here.”

Tae-gyeom gestured with his chin toward his phone, which had finally quieted down, and pulled Hae-won up. After seating him on his thigh and letting him lean his back against his chest, he stroked his thin stomach.

Hae-won let his body go limp. He felt a fever rising, making it hard to even move a finger. His legs, bent diagonally from the lack of strength, touched Hyun-woo’s knee, and Hyun-woo naturally gripped his ankle, rubbing the malleolus with his thumb.

A strong smell of alcohol wafted from Tae-gyeom, who rested his chin on Hae-won’s shoulder. Using the temporary haze of alcohol to set aside the troublesome psychological warfare with Hyun-woo, Tae-gyeom spoke. He had been curious about something regarding Hae-won for a while, and today, it was particularly hard to hold back the question.

“Hey, but……. Why did you like Seo Hae-young? I mean, there’s nothing particularly to like about him…….”

“Huh?”

The response came from Hyun-woo. He stared at Hae-won with wide eyes and an expression of disbelief. As the hand gripping the ankle tightened, a small moan leaked through Hae-won’s teeth. Hyun-woo, unaware of this, furrowed his brow.

“You liked Seo Hae-young? Hae-won did?”

“No. Not now. If you like someone after getting beaten like that, your head must be a bit…….”

The gazes of the two stung his cheeks. Hae-won kept his mouth shut and said nothing. Tae-gyeom, who began to nibble on his earlobe, stroked his chest with his palm as if urging an answer.

“Why did you like him? Honestly, aren’t I more handsome?”

“What the fuck are you talking about……. Do you not look in the mirror?”

Hyun-woo, his gaze filled with patheticness, pulled Hae-won’s leg. Held by the upper and lower body by the two of them, Hae-won tossed and turned, watching the thickening touches with anxious eyes. The hands wandered over the exposed skin as if competing. Whenever they brushed against a wounded area, an unpleasant pain made his shoulders hunch.

“It hurts…….”

“Hurts or not. Just tell me why you liked him.”

As Tae-gyeom’s hand wandered over the thin fabric, his prominent knuckles brushed against a nipple. It was clearly intentional. The legs that had been slightly open snapped shut.

“What was it that you liked? Tell me and I’ll stop.”

Tae-gyeom pushed his hand entirely inside the t-shirt, gently touching the swollen nipple while kissing the nape of the neck. Even Hyun-woo, sitting close by, lifted a leg and lightly sucked on the calf. Ticklish sensations rose from all directions.

“Ngh…… stop it……!”

“What, his face? Definitely not his personality. Do you like a face like that?”

Hae-won grabbed Tae-gyeom’s arm inside the clothes, but the flushed nipple was only pinched painfully. Feeling the sharp pain, his head naturally arched back.

“Ah……! It hurts…….”

“Did you really like Seo Hae-young?”

Hyun-woo, who licked up the inside of the knee with his tongue, slid his hand inside the shorts. Since he wasn’t wearing underwear, the hand that grabbed and lightly kneaded the buttock in one go was still hot.

“What is it? Why aren’t you talking? There’s no reason you can’t say it.”

Hae-won rubbed his touching knees and closed his eyes tight. How could he define that in one word?

What first broke the thorn-like boundaries was Seo Hae-young’s kindness. He liked it when he asked, ‘Really?’ and he liked how he easily stepped back and waited without coercion. He felt respected. Only now did he realize it wasn’t respect, but merely neglecting something he deemed not worth dealing with, but at the time, it felt that way.

No, actually, he didn’t remember well. It was too long ago, and these days, he forgot many things. If he kept forgetting things one by one like this, a day would come when he forgot even the smallest considerations, and he was terrified because that day felt so far away. So, Hae-won answered by grouping everything together.

“Just……. Just because.”

“That’s a fucking bland answer.”

He was terrified of being raped by the guys he used to giggle with while wearing the same school uniforms and sharing trivial stories, and terrified that such days would continue for a while. He was terrified of the habits that Seo Hae-young, the starting point, had planted in every corner of his mind.

“Like a slut.”

As the beautiful lips engraved in his mind moved, his head felt like it was splitting.

“Ah-eu……!”

His dirty body began to itch again. The itch starting from deep within the skin felt as if it could only be solved by tearing all the skin off. When he used his nails to scratch, rough hands snatched his wrists. After struggling for a while, he suddenly found Go Tae-gyeom and Joo Hyun-woo strange. He couldn’t understand why they were willingly touching and sucking a dirty body that was so full of scars it made one frown just by looking at it. Stopping his tossing and turning, Hae-won tilted his head back and smiled faintly at the frowning Tae-gyeom.

“I’m fucking dirty, right?”

Twisting his waist, he forced his lips into a wide smile while looking at Tae-gyeom, whose expression was hardening.

No matter how much I wash, I still smell. There’s a pungent stench. It’s itchy, and I see bugs. No, actually, I’m not sure. I think it’s a hand, not a bug……. I don’t know whose hand it is.

The mouth that was muttering arbitrarily was covered by a large hand. When the voice stopped, the hand slowly pulled away, and two fingers entered the mouth. He blocked the mouth in other ways, pressing down on the tongue, scraping the mucosa, and even pushing past the uvula. Whenever a gag reflex started, the fingers slid out and gently rubbed the tongue. As the mouth opened wide, saliva seeped into the torn corners.

“Huu……, ngh…….”

“Why are you dirty?”

Hyun-woo lifted a thigh over his shoulder and sucked on the tender flesh. The words were kind, but the actions were no different from before. Hae-won, becoming aroused under the hands of friends who were more concerned with satisfying their own desires than listening to him, felt his laughter gradually subside. Noticing he had calmed down, Tae-gyeom pulled his wet fingers out of the mouth and moved them down.

With his t-shirt rolled up and chest exposed, Hae-won continued a deep kiss with Tae-gyeom, who hugged him from behind while holding his chin. Meanwhile, his pants were stripped off, and Hyun-woo’s lips descended to the groin. Lifting the buttocks, Hyun-woo took the tip of the weakly erect penis into his mouth.

“Nng, hng……!”

Saliva drenched the penis that had been rubbed raw and red by Seo Hae-young. Every time Hyun-woo sucked, making his cheeks hollow, the buttocks twitched. It was excessive stimulation. With one arm held by Tae-gyeom and the other by Hyun-woo, he couldn’t move an inch.

Taking advantage of the brief moment their lips parted, Hae-won urgently gave Tae-gyeom a light kiss and pleaded. The hole that Seo Hae-young had used all afternoon still hurt, and he absolutely couldn’t take anything inside.

“Let’s do it next time……. Ah, not yet…….”

Tae-gyeom, staring at Hae-won who was acting with a futile sort of aegyo, returned the kiss and circled the erect nipple.

“I’m not going to put it in, so just stay still.”

“Haa-uu……!”

It was an unbelievable claim, but there was no other way. The decision lay with the two of them. Hae-won’s role was to tremble, tightening his thighs around Hyun-woo’s head as he sucked strongly on the penis. His lifted waist shivered.

“Ah, why isn’t Seo Hae-young coming……. All we have to do is not open the door.”

Hyun-woo, who licked the penis beaded with clear fluid, grumbled.

“With his pride, he won’t come. And…… Lee Hee-sung probably called him.”

Hae-won, who had been letting out feverish breaths, slowly lifted his gaze. His heart sank at the mention of a single name. A person who accepted people’s attention and goodwill as if it were natural suddenly flashed before his eyes. His heart, which had been shoved to the very bottom, beat rapidly.

“Lee Hee-sung?”

At Hyun-woo’s question, Tae-gyeom nodded and kneaded Hae-won’s body, which had suddenly gone stiff. Hyun-woo also continued speaking comfortably, knowing Lee Hee-sung, and Hae-won let the conversation flow in one ear and out the other, staring at the dark corner of the ceiling.

Actually…… he had secretly joined the bet. That Seo Hae-young would come here even if it were just to beat him to death.

“Well, I think he fought with his girlfriend. He was sobbing so much that I told him to just call Seo Hae-young.”

“Wow……. Isn’t that cheating? Fuck, do it again!”

“Why? He might come here. ……Hey, but isn’t Seo Hae-young’s taste pretty similar?”

Tae-gyeom, who had been fiddling with the thin stomach, cupped the chin. Hae-won’s head, buried in the hand, whipped to the side and then toward Hyun-woo.

“He really likes guys who look like this. The kid he met before was also a bit…….”

“What about Hae-won?”

“Look. He looks like Lee Hee-sung. This one is the younger one. That guy is the older one. Aren’t they similar?”

The skin Tae-gyeom was touching turned ice cold. His heart tightened suffocatingly, and his eyes grew hot. This emotion was separate from no longer liking Seo Hae-young. The emotion rushing in like a burst dam was inferiority, envy, jealousy, and all sorts of filth…….

Hae-won couldn’t avoid Hyun-woo’s piercing gaze and could only let out thin breaths.

He wondered if all three of them had been mere substitutes. A poor brat with nothing, someone who could be used and thrown away because no one would look for him even if he died anywhere, and the empty spot could simply be filled by Lee Hee-sung, who fit the ‘birds of a feather’ mold.

Was that it? He was curious, but he didn’t want to know the truth. There are many facts in the world where ignorance is bliss.

“Ugh…….”

As Hyun-woo’s silence lengthened, his lips trembled. He wanted to cut off each of Tae-gyeom’s fingers that were holding his chin. He wanted to resemble Lee Hee-sung, but he also hated the idea. Ambivalent emotions sharply pierced his never-drying tear ducts.

“I don’t know……. I’m not sure.”

Hyun-woo, after contemplating, shook his head once. A soft face that easily won the favor of others drew close. The eyes that examined him carefully from a hand’s distance were blurred.

“There’s no one who looks like Hae-won.”

A tear hanging from Hae-won’s eyelash dropped. Whether he found comfort in those words or felt hypocrisy, Hae-won, barely clinging to the edge of a cliff, couldn’t tell.

Seo Hae-young did not come until dawn approached, and the phones went silent. Hae-won moaned, shedding tears as the two continued their persistent caressing. It was even more agonizing because it didn’t hurt at all. He was miserable because Seo Hae-young didn’t come, and at the moment of ejaculation, he was miserable because the smiling face of Lee Hee-sung, whom he had seen only once, filled his vision.

The bet ended in a lukewarm victory for Go Tae-gyeom, but the subtle competition over Hae-won’s ejaculation ended in Joo Hyun-woo’s victory. During the third ejaculation, Hae-won couldn’t even scream and just trembled. Because he had come several times while being beaten by Seo Hae-young earlier, the semen that soaked his lower abdomen was thin. The cigarette smoke exhaled by Tae-gyeom, sitting on the sofa, filled his shrunken lungs with a grey haze.

“Your share.”

Tae-gyeom, who had taken all of Hyun-woo’s cash, held a cigarette between his fingers and threw three of the six bills onto Hae-won’s stomach. The bills, soaked in semen and saliva, slowly clung to the skin of the stomach that was trembling gently and heaving.

Hae-won looked up at the dizzyingly spinning ceiling and remembered the bills he had tucked into his account book. The crisp feel and familiar smell of the bills. His teeth chattered.

I sold my body to these bastards. In the end…….

* * *

Exhausted, Hae-won was cleaned up, but he couldn’t lie in the bed. It was because Tae-gyeom didn’t allow it. Tae-gyeom took the only bed, Hae-won took the living room sofa, and Hyun-woo, who stubbornly refused to leave the house, settled on the floor.

Hae-won burrowed into the soft blanket covering his body. He couldn’t sleep, but he had a strong desire to end this long day.

“Both of you just shut up and sleep. Don’t do anything useless.”

Before entering the room, Tae-gyeom covered Hae-won’s face with one hand and squeezed tightly. It was a senseless act of spite, born from his dislike of the way Hae-won was just staring blankly.

“Hey. Do you get it?”

Cursing under his breath, Hyun-woo stretched out his long leg and kicked Tae-gyeom, who was shaking Hae-won’s face back and forth.

“Why the hell are you taking it out on him?”

Staggering from the fairly strong kick, Tae-gyeom stopped his mischief and flicked Hae-won’s forehead with his fingertip. While Hae-won rubbed his forehead, feeling a stinging pain, Tae-gyeom turned around and strolled back into the room.

“This bastard is the biggest problem. Going back and forth like this…”

The end of the sentence wasn’t clearly audible. Not wanting to hear it anyway, Hae-won secretly blocked his ears. When the CRT television illuminating the living room turned off, they were finally plunged into complete darkness. Soon, the sound of rustling came from beneath the sofa as someone pushed aside the blanket. Straightening his waist, Hyun-woo looked back and forth between the room Tae-gyeom had entered and Hae-won, whose wide-open eyes were devoid of sleep, and then grinned.

“He’s gone.”

One side of the cushion tilted. Though the sofa was quite wide, it felt a bit narrow for two men to lie down. As Hyun-woo’s arm slid beneath Hae-won’s head, Hae-won was embraced in a face-to-face position, burying his face in the warm chest. He couldn’t relax, fearing that the chest slowly rising and falling might crush him at any moment. While he was anxiously scratching his wrist, a light kiss landed on his forehead.

“Sleep well.”

Hae-won thought that since one guy had left, the remaining one would pounce, but Hyun-woo only did something ticklish before cleanly pulling away to entangle their legs and settle into a comfortable position. Thanks to running around here and there, Hyun-woo’s form was faintly visible as he soon began to breathe evenly.

Hae-won carefully reached out and felt the air near his neck. What would it feel like to hold someone’s windpipe in one’s grip? Having never once stood above anyone, Hae-won wondered what kind of lives these ‘things’ he considered friends were enjoying. Daily routines that he would never experience until the day he died.

The banknote, held tightly until it lost its crispness, crumpled bit by bit without even making a rustling sound. Another sleepless night flowed slowly.

Having lain in Hyun-woo’s arms with eyes wide open, Hae-won carefully raised his body. A vibration caught his sensitive ears, making it impossible to close his eyes. Turning his head through a haze of exhaustion, he saw the phone lying askew on the table emitting a bright blue light. Stepping over Hyun-woo and onto the floor, Hae-won picked up the phone and waited until the call went to voicemail. The name floating on the screen was, in the end, the name of the person who hadn’t come here.

After a few vibrations, the missed call notification appeared. 3 AM. Usually, this wasn’t a time when Seo Hae-young would be awake. He thought it was just a habit of calling in his sleep, but it was too early to be relieved. The phone rang once more, prompting him to turn his feet toward the kitchen.

He leaned on the dining table, barely visible in the dark, and headed for the corner. Squatting with his back against the bone-dry sink, Hae-won took a deep breath and answered the call.

He couldn’t avoid it forever. He had to return to his daily life tomorrow, and it was a shorter path to suffering less if he could gauge the situation even slightly. Vowing to keep his wits about him, he slowly brought the phone to his ear, and contrary to his worries, a calm voice came through.

Ah. You picked up.

Hae-won hugged his knees without answering. Using the crumpled banknote as a weapon, he gripped it tightly and listened to the following words.

How many times do you think I called?

Seo Hae-young asked with a rising intonation, as if certain that he would eventually answer. He wasn’t the type to suddenly start with curses, but since Hae-won hadn’t anticipated such a normal reaction, he was somewhat confused. Even though he remembered exactly that the missed call count was over thirty, Hae-won gave a vague answer.

“…A lot.”

So you do know.

The other end was quiet. It wasn’t a noisy drinking party, nor could he hear the sounds of the street.

Where was Seo Hae-young calling from? Cold air wafted up from the floor, which was much chillier than the living room, making his body shiver slightly.

‘Lee Hee-sung probably called him.’

A name that was unfamiliar, yet conveyed a more clingy emotion than anyone else’s, weighed down his shoulders.

Were they together? Did he call because he had a moment of free time, or because he was momentarily angry? Useless stray thoughts swelled like a house. But at the words that followed immediately, the hand crumpling the banknote froze.

I’m at your house now. Come quickly.

Seo Hae-young spoke his piece calmly, even though there was no response. He mentioned that it took an hour just to open the door, and that it was strangely clean.

Huh? For a moment, Hae-won felt a splitting headache and pressed his temples, looking around. It was strange. The trivial talk, the slight complaining, the affectionate tone. He couldn’t find any trace of anger in Seo Hae-young’s voice or tone, which made the ripples of confusion grow stronger. It was exactly the same as it was months ago, before the relationship fell apart.

How long do I have to wait? I’m bored.

As if everything that had happened in the meantime was just a fucking dream, Seo Hae-young’s nonchalant attitude stirred the tainted memories. The voice, which had turned into a blunt hammer, struck his head. Hae-won clutched his head and blinked rapidly.

The rattling fan, the sticky skin, the game of hide-and-seek and the pillow blocking his airway, the villa, the flickering old television, the belt. Painful memories became jumbled and intertwined. His empty stomach churned. He covered his mouth with his palm to stifle a sudden surge of nausea.

“Ugh, k-kh…”

Hurry… come here.

Seo Hae-young appeared, leaning his upper body against the sofa and gesturing. Along with loud screams and bursts of laughter.

Snapping his head up, Hae-won hurriedly stood up, turned on the kitchen light, and rolled up his sleeves. Under the harsh light, the marks of burned skin were revealed vividly. The darkly pigmented burn scars held onto his fracturing sanity. Hae-won let his shoulders drop in hollow defeat. This was reality. Seo Hae-young was playing a trick.

Covering his eyes, Hae-won tried to think of words to evade the situation for now, but because he lacked eloquence, what came out of his mouth was another person’s name.

“Lee… Hee-sung.”

What about him?

Hae-won was speechless even after bringing him up. Seo Hae-young’s questioning tone was identical to the question Hae-won wanted to ask. Since he had no skill in changing the subject, he let out a lukewarm response.

“He called…”

And?

The calmness that had been shaking his head shattered. Seo Hae-young returned to his usual self and sneered lightly. Biting into his hideously chewed fingernails, Hae-won bit down until it reached the flesh, his eyes darting around frantically.

Does it bother you? I thought you said you didn’t like me.

Seo Hae-young’s ridicule evoked a sense of shame with a completely different weight than Tae-gyeom’s. The metallic taste of blood from his fingertips stained his tongue. Seo Hae-young exhaled sentences heavy with drowsiness like a sigh. Perhaps because he couldn’t see his face, it felt pitiful.

I’ll give you time. Think about it again, and this time, you come find me.

“What…”

I’m sleepy. Hanging up.

The call should have ended the moment Seo Hae-young announced it. However, Hae-won kept the phone to his ear in silence, and the other side did the same.

A tapping sound could be heard. The sound of something being hit rhythmically continued for a long while, and then a low voice blended in. The sound was so small and low that it was difficult to identify even when bringing the phone closer.

I thought we,

There was no need to hear more, but Hae-won stubbornly couldn’t hang up. A short sigh escaped from the other end as if a slip of the tongue had occurred, and during the momentary silence, the sound of footsteps gradually approached.

The person entering the kitchen was slowly revealed under the yellow light. Hyun-woo, whose focus was narrowed from waking up, wiped his face as if it were absurd. His arm, dropping down his neck, reached for the phone held to Hae-won’s ear. As the warm hand took the phone, Seo Hae-young’s voice scattered without a trace.

The call was ended by someone else’s hand. Hae-won rubbed his blood-stained fingernails and met Hyun-woo’s eyes. With an expression that said he had done nothing, meekly.

Looking at the innocent face, Hyun-woo glanced down at the darkened screen.

“Seo Hae-young?”

When Hae-won gave a small nod, Hyun-woo placed the phone face down and walked around the table. His two arms, with muscles well-defined but not overwhelming from enjoying various sports, wrapped around Hae-won’s waist from behind and pulled him.

Hae-won lost his footing and grabbed a dining chair, but his body was already entwined. While the long hand of the clock on the wall ticked away for a long time, Hyun-woo had nothing particular to say. Anxiety slowly rose from beneath his feet. Biting and then releasing his lip, Hae-won grabbed the arm around his waist and pushed it away weakly.

“…I want to sleep.”

“Hae-won.”

Far from letting go, Hyun-woo tightened his grip and pressed his lips against the nape of Hae-won’s neck, exposed above the collar. The long, white neck was covered in dull bruises, making it hard to find its original appearance, but Hyun-woo eventually found an empty spot. As he sucked hard on the white skin amidst the yellow and blue bruises, their pressed bodies jolted slightly. Leaving a deep red mark, Hyun-woo pulled away and buried his nose in the nape, inhaling deeply. A subtle suspicion lay in the breath he slowly exhaled. The low voice touching his spine sent shivers through him.

“Are you testing the waters right now? One by one?”

Joo Hyun-woo had a keen intuition in strange areas. Gripping the sharp edge of the chair tightly, Hae-won shook his head with difficulty, as if it were making a creaking sound. Fearing that the thumping sound of his heart might ruin the situation, he quickly spoke.

“Seo Hae-young… hits me when he’s angry. And I have to go to work, so just for a moment…”

The past version of himself, who would have defied him by asking what he’d do if he were testing the waters, hid in the corner. Or perhaps he had disappeared entirely.

“Ah,” Joo Hyun-woo replied ambiguously. He seemed to soften slightly, but he didn’t look entirely satisfied. Without exerting much effort, he turned Hae-won around and sat him on the table, then stepped between his spread legs. Hae-won neither smiled nor frowned at Hyun-woo, whose eye level was now much higher.

Before he knew it, palms cupped both his cheeks. Thumbs, less so than Seo Hae-young’s but softer than Go Tae-gyeom’s, brushed under his eyes. It was a perfect position to strangle his neck at any moment.

However, Hyun-woo, who had no intention of strangling him unless they were having sex, kept his hands on the cheeks and asked quietly with a lingering look of discomfort.

“What did he say to make your expression like that?”

“…Expression?”

“It was a bit… strange.”

Hae-won looked up at Hyun-woo in silence.

Joo Hyun-woo was cunning. However, his inner intentions were the most prominent among the three, and he acted the most impatiently. He might have thought he could hide it with a pathetic act of kindness and a sense of rivalry, but Hae-won’s survival instinct, pushed to the edge of a cliff, discovered the gap in Hyun-woo.

Lifting an arm that felt as if every joint ached and gravity was pressing down with all its might, he grabbed Hyun-woo’s forearm. Even though he didn’t pull him, Hyun-woo slowly leaned his waist down as if being drawn in. Facing the expression that stood on the boundary of whether to be angry or not, Hae-won asked a completely different question instead of the content of the call.

“Are you really going to take me?”

He lowered his eyelids. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to look pitiful, but rather that he didn’t want to meet his eyes. Fortunately, it seemed to be an expression that fit the impatient heart of Hyun-woo, for as soon as he spoke, their lips lightly met and parted.

“Why would that be difficult.”

Joo Hyun-woo probably didn’t know how much he was benefiting from his Noona. Hyun-woo’s expressionless face was very easily undone, and in its place, Joo Hyun-jeong’s tenderness filled in. They were siblings with many similarities. As soon as he thought of Hyun-jeong, Hae-won forced the corners of his mouth up to shake off the guilt that weighed down his shoulders enough to make him break into a cold sweat.

Stories that the sleeping Go Tae-gyeom and the absent Seo Hae-young wouldn’t know were exchanged across a distance shorter than a single word. They whispered, their lips touched, and then parted to continue the conversation. A night where Hyun-woo, pulling his hips close to the lower body of the one sitting on the table, played the part of a lover. It was an autumn night where a flushed face, as if dreaming, contrasted with a weary one.

Lying on the hard table, stroking the skin and embracing the body that put its weight on him, Hae-won reviewed the vague call with Seo Hae-young.

The voice that had flowed out at the end was mixed with sleepiness, enough to be unintelligible, but Hae-won had loved Seo Hae-young so much. He didn’t miss a single word coming from that mouth. A habitual custom filtered the voice, which maintained its monotony even in the late dawn, through a dense net.

I thought you liked us.

Hae-won slowly assembled the sentence that Seo Hae-young had sent scattering like smoke.

“There’s not much left.”

Wrapping his trembling legs around the waist of Hyun-woo, who was whispering in his ear, he rubbed his cheek against the cold table. The completed sentence was embroidered in his blackened mind.

I thought we, that you liked us.

Seo Hae-young was trying to play a trick again. If it felt like sincerity, that too was a ploy. Tears fell down his temples, where a pain like being poked by an awl was rising.