By Zephyria 
Five years later.
“The wind is really strong today. I should head back in after a little while.”
It was only natural, but the sea breeze in February was freezing. Today, as usual, I sat huddled in a corner of the beach, staring blankly at the ocean. It was simply a meaningless habit. Looking out at the vast sea made me feel as though my worries and complicated thoughts were nothing, which put my mind at ease.
Watching the sea was a habit I picked up when I used to travel on boats with my father. After hiding my body upon the ocean, I spent several days trembling in anxiety. I thought Joo Min-hyeok had seen me on the cruise and that he would surely come looking for me. Finding a massive ship like that would be a trivial task for him.
However, Joo Min-hyeok did not look for me. Day after day passed in silence, and there was no one chasing or capturing me anywhere. The world remained peaceful, as if I no longer existed. I wanted to know what had happened to Hyun-wook or Hee-sung, but there was no way to find out.
I worried sick that pressure might be placed on my father’s company or Seo-joo’s family for helping me, but that didn’t happen either. There were no changes around them, and no one suffered any disadvantage. The world continued to turn smoothly, as if it had no interest in someone like me floating on the water.
At times, that fact made me even more crazily anxious, to the point where my stomach churned every night and I couldn’t sleep. But I soon realized that this anxiety belonged to me alone. The Imperial Palace announced the separation between the Emperor and me. The word “divorce” wasn’t used, but even without the word, everyone knew it was the end for us.
I cannot forget the day I saw the news of our formalized separation in the articles. Rather than feeling relieved, I felt a strange sense of emptiness. Even though it was the conclusion I had wanted, I read the announcement over and over until I could recite it by heart. I welcomed the New Year—the one we were supposed to spend together—alone on the cold sea, staring at an Imperial document.
And so, I spent time focusing on myself while drifting aimlessly with my father. It took a long time to heal the wounds piled up inside me. At the time, things were so chaotic that I didn’t even realize it had become a sickness of the heart.
But perhaps the wound was deeper than I thought, as it took a considerable amount of time to heal and is still a work in progress. Back then, I simply had to survive and endure. I didn’t have the luxury to face my trauma. The mental illness was one problem, but my body wasn’t exactly normal either.
The bones that had been displaced from being beaten by my grandfather ached whenever a cold wind blew, and I still occasionally feel a dull, throbbing pain in my lower abdomen, though I don’t know exactly what went wrong when I miscarried. Perhaps that’s why my pheromones didn’t return like before. I couldn’t properly sense Alpha pheromones, nor did any pheromones emanate from my own body.
It felt as if I had become a Beta. Perhaps this state was more appropriate for my current life. My health was poor, so if I were to go into Heat, the suffering would be indescribable. Moreover, if an Alpha were to get entangled with me, things would only get complicated. Fortunately, during the three years I traveled with my father, there was so little pheromone response that people assumed I was a recessive.
Even though two years have passed since I finished my wandering life and settled on this island, there is still no sign of my pheromones returning. Because of my irregular pheromones, I’m anxious about when they might suddenly burst, but fortunately, the elderly make up a large portion of the population here, so I feel less mentally pressured. Still, it doesn’t hurt to be cautious.
After leaving Joo Min-hyeok’s side, I spent my days sleeping, lying around, eating, resting blankly, and watching the sea while observing people laughing and chatting. I just stood or sat there, staring at the ocean again and again. For a year, I had dreams of that time. No matter how much my grandfather beat me, the dream wouldn’t end; it was so agonizing that I would wake up drenched in sweat.
And even now, I still dream of Joo Min-hyeok. In my dreams, we are always happy. We are happy every day, as if nothing bad had ever happened. Perhaps the time we spent at the hot springs and the day at the amusement park were quite happy, because I repeat those dreams over and over.
In the dreams, we were always clinging to each other, and not once did we cry. But it’s strange. Was it because the dreams were too happy? Waking up was harder and sadder than when I had terrible nightmares. When I woke up in the middle of a happy moment, a particularly severe sense of depression would wash over me.
I felt as if Joo Min-hyeok was gone and only I—shabby and left with aftereffects all over my body—remained alone. Sitting there after waking from a dream, I would think: I wanted to say those words just once. What would it have been like if Joo Min-hyeok had left the Imperial Palace to live a normal life with me?
‘Your Majesty, then would you like to go with me? If you have no intention of letting me go, would you like to leave and live with me? Can you live outside the Imperial Palace?’
I imagine this dozens of times. Though Joo Min-hyeok’s answer is obvious. There’s no way he would give up being the Emperor to live a normal life with me. He probably wouldn’t know how to do anything else if he weren’t the Emperor… Even knowing it was absurd, there were days when I wanted to say it.
I lived like a stranger for five years when I first came here, and I lived apart for another five years. Yet, it’s strange how a mere four months sandwiched in between won’t fade, as if we had spent forty years together. I suppose that four-month first love was too strong. It truly is a tenacious emotion.
Since this is the life I chose, I want to be happier than anyone, but it wasn’t as easy as it sounded. Still, I strive to heal my wounds completely to find my own true happiness. So, stop being pathetic and let’s go to work, Cha Hae-joo.
“I should get up now. Seo-joo will be looking for me. It’s about time the guests come back from lunch. Sigh.”
Pushing myself up from my crouched position, I headed toward the center of the island. This is a quiet island that tourists rarely visit, requiring a long boat ride from the mainland. It’s an island mostly made up of natives who have held their ground for a long time, and most of the residents are elderly.
When it’s school vacation season, children and young adults often return home, which brings some vitality. Now is such a time, so I can see a few young people at the cafe I run. I operate a cafe catering to the elderly here.
Since I have a father who only has money, I’m in a situation where I don’t particularly need to work, but since I told him I was bored and wanted to do something, he set up this cafe for me. Chatting with the elderly and running the place had its own charm.
Han-bin hyung opened a small special forces martial arts academy near our cafe, and I’m inwardly surprised by how well it’s doing. I worried whether it could even operate in a place with so few children, but it’s doing so well that my concerns were unfounded.
Mainly, the elderly enroll to build their strength and learn defense or special martial arts to protect themselves in dangerous situations, and hyung seems to find that quite interesting. He had to leave the military because he got caught up in my grandfather’s affairs, and he suffered a lot taking care of me over the past few years, so it was good to see him looking energetic lately.
“Right. No need to worry about others. I just need to live well. Just me. Today is the day Seo-joo comes, so I have to move fast.”
Seo-joo’s life with my father and me was more free than expected. Since Seo-joo’s family didn’t particularly hold him back and let him be free, it was easier to be together, and contrary to my expectations, Joo Min-hyeok didn’t touch him, allowing us to live comfortably. Seo-joo still chose a life with me, but he occasionally visits his family home.
“Still, it’s a relief. Since nothing is happening.”
“What are you mumbling about? If the owner has been away from the cafe for so long, you should hurry up and get to work.”
…That damn brat is here again? I frowned at the unpleasant voice I heard the moment I entered the cafe. He’s one of the young punks I see these days because of the vacation. When I first came to the island, he was studying on the mainland, so we never crossed paths. He hadn’t come to the island for a while to ‘adjust,’ but we met for the first time this winter vacation. But every time I see him, he picks a fight; he’s a truly disgusting crazy brat. He’s younger than me, yet he keeps mixing in informal speech.
“I have employees, so please just stop paying attention to m—… please don’t pay attention to me.”
“Wow, I come every single day to boost your sales, and you tell me to stop paying attention?”
Yes. Please stop. It was peaceful enough to live in, but he’s muddying the waters by bringing his friends. This place is best when only the elderly are here, you damn brat. But contrary to my wishes, that precocious fellow dragged a crowd of his friends to the cafe during his vacation and turned my stomach once a day. It hurts my pride, but only when hyung or Seo-joo appear does that young brat shut his mouth.
“Look here, Boss. Did you hear my—”
“Why are you here bothering my brother again?”
“Huh? No, I wasn’t bothering him, I was just trying to have a conversation…”
“Why have a conversation with the cafe owner? Go to your friend over there.”
As I turned away indifferently, I heard a welcome voice behind me threatening the young brat. It’s Seo-joo! Seo-joo seems to have arrived.
“Seo-joo, hyung! You’re here? Did you have a good trip?”
Stopping myself from habitually using informal speech, I ran toward Seo-joo, who had returned after a week in Seoul.
“Are the elders at your home doing well? Did you have a good trip?”
“Of course. Hyung, have you been eating well? Dad is coming soon, so you can’t lose weight.”
We were apart for only a week, but Seo-joo looked me over with concern as if he hadn’t seen me in ages. I’m eating well now and not losing weight, but I guess to Seo-joo, I’m still full of things to worry about. However, the way Seo-joo is looking at me today is strange. It’s as if he’s tentatively checking my expression. Did something happen in Seoul?
“What? Do you have something to say? Did something happen at home?”
“Nothing like that. It’s not that. Hyung, by any chance, did you see the news today? Or maybe the internet?”
The way Seo-joo trailed off was a bit odd. News?
“No? I didn’t see the news. You know I don’t really watch that stuff. Why? Is there some issue?”
While I was wondering at Seo-joo’s question and pulling out my phone, Seo-joo stopped me, smiled as if it were no big deal, and changed the subject.
“Han-bin hyung said he’s finishing early today and wants to eat something delicious for dinner. What do you want to eat, hyung?”
“Then shall we have meat?”
It was strange that Seo-joo was acting so frivolous today, but I laughed it off, thinking it was nothing. And that evening, just before I fell asleep, I checked the internet and finally understood the reason for Seo-joo’s behavior. The internet was filled with articles about the Emperor’s marriage.