By Zephyria 
As always, Hyun-wook arrived, and I led him to a place where people couldn’t see us. Having received word from him, I had been waiting with an excitement I couldn’t hide. He wasn’t the type of kid to play pranks with things like this. Looking around cautiously, Hyun-wook held out his phone to me.
“Look, I took a photo.”
“Where? Where is it?”
I hurriedly snatched Hyun-wook’s phone and rushed to identify the person in the photo. Inside was a longing person I had kept in my heart, though his face had grown hazy as time passed. He looked younger and more vibrant—slightly different from the image I remembered—but I recognized him instantly.
“Dad?”
I don’t know how long it has been since I last spoke the word ‘Dad.’ I knew the moment I saw him. It was definitely my father. Fourteen. I was fourteen when my father passed away. His illness had suddenly worsened one day. Even without anyone telling me, I instinctively knew that he wouldn’t last much longer.
I cannot describe how terrifying that fact was at the time. Until the final moment when his consciousness faded, my father couldn’t easily close his eyes because he was so worried about us. So, I whispered into the ear of my suffering father.
‘In your next life, do the things you wanted to do, don’t be sick, and live comfortably. But I think I’ll miss you too much, so let’s make sure to meet again. Don’t worry about me and Seo-joo, and please wait for us.’
My father seemed relieved after hearing my words and closed his eyes peacefully. I never dreamed I would meet him again. It’s my father. My dad. He’s too young to be called ‘Dad,’ but it’s definitely him. Tears dripped onto Hyun-wook’s phone.
“Don’t cry. Still, isn’t this a miracle? How is this even possible? The mister runs a travel agency, and apparently, a cruise passenger showed him your photo that had spread on the internet. He realized it then. I really don’t know how it works.”
“I… I want to see him. I want to meet Dad quickly.”
“The mister said he needs to wrap up some work in Seoul. Let’s plan to meet after he finishes that.”
“But how do I meet him? I can’t even go outside right now. Joo Min-hyeok has blocked everything.”
Having said that, Hyun-wook scanned the surroundings. Because Joo Min-hyeok had installed so many cameras, I had developed this pathetic habit. He says he’s retrieved them all now, but how can I trust that?
“I’ll try to make some time soon. The mister also said he has business here that he needs to finish.”
“Even if you make time… I can’t move a muscle right now.”
“For now, I’m planning to aim for a day when you officially go outside. The earliest is the day you go to the hospital for your regular check-up. I’ll look for an opportunity then, so you should prepare yourself mentally.”
Ah, the day I go outside. Because I lost the baby and my pheromones became abnormal, I have to go to the hospital for an examination. Treatment is only possible outside, where professional equipment and medical staff are available, so even Joo Min-hyeok couldn’t block it. Regardless, the thought of meeting my father feels like a dream. I am unbelievably, incredibly happy.
“By the way, are you still in ‘that state’ with His Majesty?”
“…What ‘state’ is that?”
Why is this kid suddenly bringing up Joo Min-hyeok and ruining the mood…?
“You know exactly what state I mean, so why ask? Hae-joo, what do you want to do with His Majesty? From where I stand, you still like him a lot. Am I wrong?”
Hyun-wook uttered the word I didn’t want to admit. ‘Like.’ The word used to express the emotion I had never heard from Joo Min-hyeok: ‘Like.’ Yes. That’s right. I had harbored such feelings. But that is exactly why I cannot be with him.
“That’s why I’m saying I can’t be with him. Because I’m afraid I’ll still have lingering feelings. That’s why I absolutely cannot stay with him.”
It’s a feeling like love-hate. I was terrified of Joo Min-hyeok’s meticulousness in acting for his own benefit, and his proficiency in using everything at his disposal to ensure his goals were achieved. Every action of Joo Min-hyeok—his smiling, his politeness, his pleasant words—is calculated.
He handles people, makes them adapt, and turns them into his own. Then, he inevitably uses them where necessary. I was one of them. Even if Joo Min-hyeok were sincere with me, it would be a half-hearted sincerity.
Because from the beginning, his feelings for me weren’t love, but a weakness. Since it started from a relationship where my shame was exposed and I asked for help, perhaps he had been calculating my utility in his head from the very start. Watching me get beaten by my grandfather is not something a person can just do. Since it was a choice I made, it wasn’t the beating that felt bad, but the fact that I was being used.
After the baby died and he found out that I knew about the contraceptives, he has consistently maintained a humble posture. Is that a shred of conscience? I wondered. I wondered what emotion Joo Min-hyeok felt when he saw me hemorrhaging. Every time we had relations, he couldn’t overcome his lust and begged me to have a baby, yet Joo Min-hyeok didn’t actually want a baby from me.
So I wondered what his impressions were when he found out I had been pregnant and then suffered a miscarriage. Whether he considered it a relief, or if there was even a sliver of regret. Since he never pours out his true heart, there is no way to know. Seeing me become gloomy again, Hyun-wook didn’t know what to do, feeling sorry for me.
“It’s because I like him that it’s painful. I hate Joo Min-hyeok so much. There are too many grudges built up. I can’t build trust anymore. If we keep living together, I’ll have to think about what happened back then for the rest of my life, and every time, I’ll torment him. Is that living? How miserable would that be? I can’t live like that.”
I love him, but being together would be agony. The sense of betrayal and hatred would perhaps spread into emotions more vicious and ugly than those of the Grand Imperial Concubine in the novel, tormenting him and pushing me to the edge of a cliff.
That is why I decided to break up with him to protect myself. In this situation, what on earth is this talk of becoming the Empress? He’s truly selfish.
“It’ll end up like this anyway. I shouldn’t have been greedy; I should have connected you with Young-hwa Palace. I thought they were completely different, but they’re following a similar flow. Well, the old man brought the ruin of his own household upon himself.”
“Would it have worked with Young-hwa Palace? He’s really peculiar. They don’t fit each other at all. Plus, they both like you, so how would that have worked?”
Hyun-wook shook his head, thinking of Hee-sung. Amidst the trivial conversation, an important issue suddenly occurred to me.
“Oh! But did you tell Dad about Seo-joo? That Seo-joo doesn’t remember me.”
“Ah, actually, I saw Seo-joo from a distance. Since Seo-joo passed away when he was so young, he found him unfamiliar, but he recognized him amazingly. We just watched from afar.”
The plan to become close with Seo-joo again had not succeeded. The injuries caused by my grandfather lasted a long time, and my health was too poor due to the miscarriage. So, I decided to let go of my lingering feelings for Seo-joo. I judged that I had no right to intrude upon the current life of a brother who is sufficiently happy, even if we were connected in a past life.
“…As long as he lives well. That’s enough for me.”
As if understanding my sudden monologue, Hyun-wook patted my shoulder. Wouldn’t this life be a success just by meeting Hyun-wook again? I tried to comfort myself with that thought.
∗ ∗ ∗
A decisive cause and reason emerged for my determination to escape this place. The biggest cause of the sense of loss I felt after being used by Joo Min-hyeok was that I could no longer trust him. Trust. It seems like a trivial, common word, but it is the most important emotion in human relationships.
To trust and rely on someone means you can lean on them and show them your entire self completely. But when trust in a relationship is broken, doubt arises and trust vanishes. That is a signal that the relationship has ended.
I cannot trust Joo Min-hyeok. Therefore, this kind of cohabitation is meaningless. Joo Min-hyeok’s attempt to appoint me as Empress and keep me by his side, despite the dissuasion of those around him, is his own selfishness. It is an act solely for himself, showing no consideration for my feelings or mood.
“And… there’s another problem….”
Yes. There is another problem. This is my problem. Regardless of the rational issue—that I cannot continue the relationship due to the disappointment and broken trust in Joo Min-hyeok as I listed in detail—the emotional part is causing trouble.
For example, an Omega like Lee Si-yoon, who is currently by Joo Min-hyeok’s side helping him, is a problem. He was provoking and checking me to an unusual degree. Anyone could see that he is interested in Joo Min-hyeok. Even without hearing it from Han Hee-sung, he makes it obvious enough to know his feelings.
And he constantly tests the space between me and Joo Min-hyeok. I hated seeing him do things that wouldn’t work by Joo Min-hyeok’s side. Hundreds of times a day, irritation surges, and I imagine grabbing Lee Si-yoon and giving him a piece of my mind—and the end of those imaginations sometimes becomes quite cruel.
So, after realizing this, I felt another fear. What if I actually start acting like the Grand Imperial Concubine before the possession? Because such attacks come while I am mentally weak and powerless, the strength of my defense is gradually becoming stronger and rougher.
“This is really not right…. I shouldn’t be like this.”
I shouldn’t be like this. I am too weak right now. My body, heart, and mind are all exhausted. I reached the conclusion that the only way to protect the healthy version of myself is to leave Joo Min-hyeok’s side. The fact that Lee Si-yoon checks me and talks behind my back is not the problem.
If I keep enduring here, these conflicts will continue, and in order to avoid and defend against that situation, I will end up becoming another villain. I want to protect the whole of myself. I no longer hope for Joo Min-hyeok to understand my heart. He doesn’t have to know. Regardless of him, I must leave this place as soon as possible.