By Zephyria 
“You go to school and listen to lectures from teachers. You can make plenty of friends there, and there were adults to rely on. If I left, those empty spaces would be filled by them, and then I thought you would slowly distance yourself from Gyeongjeong. That’s what I wanted. Both me and Chairman Kwon.”
Maybe it was because I was wrong.
It was a failed decision.
I resent and blame myself for not refuting the Chairman’s story 10 years ago. I should have told him to shut up, that Kwon Rae-i was my young master… I should have…
“Instead of pushing you away and keeping you away, the Chairman promised me a position. I had to do hard work, dirty work, do whatever came my way, and even risk my life to fight and kill, but if I survived and endured, he promised to guarantee my backing. So…”
“So, from that day on, you… Tae-hwon left me and went under my father’s wing.”
“Yes… Because I believed it was right.”
Tae-hwon muttered with regret.
“Someone like you, so young… getting involved with a failed, bottom-of-the-barrel member like me… it couldn’t end well. I know Gyeongjeong inside and out, how terrible this place is. I couldn’t turn away, because I thought that by turning away from you, I’d be opening a path for you to the outside.”
Kwon Rae-i praised Woo Tae-hwon, saying he was unyielding, that nothing could taint his will, that he was amazing, but in truth, Woo Tae-hwon wasn’t that great a man. He’d made the biggest mistake, couldn’t undo it, and stubbornly insisted on that path until the end.
“Back then, coldly pushing you away as you clung to me, crying and begging, felt like my mission. The colder I was, the brighter your future would be, and the more fiercely I pursued power and climbed the ranks, the more peaceful you would be.”
“Ha.”
Kwon Rae-i, who had been listening silently, let out a hollow laugh.
A hot fervor was gathered around his rounded eyes. That bead-like mass was the culmination of his countless emotions. Long-standing resentment and lonely devotion that had nowhere to go. Because of it, Kwon Rae-i was ruined, burned, despaired, and screamed. He suffered, chasing after the unreachable Woo Tae-hwon. In the end, he went mad.
“Tae-hwon, you’re such an idiot.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re a real, fucking idiot. How could you hide all this for ten years? Without me knowing, all along…! How could you?”
The veins in Kwon Rae-i’s neck stood out as he shouted. The bulging tendons looked as if they would burst through his pale skin. His face was so flushed with blood that it looked red.
“I’m sorry…”
Tae-hwon apologized to Kwon Rae-i repeatedly, as if paying off his accumulated sins. His voice was severely hoarse, and he seemed full of regret, as if there were still sins left to pay.
He, too, knew from some point that it was wrong. Nevertheless, he couldn’t take Kwon Rae-i back, so he agonized painfully.
If they could have a relationship where they shared warm affection and saved each other as before, it might have been different, but at some point, Kwon Rae-i had confessed not only affection but also lust to Woo Tae-hwon. From then on, it was like falling off an irreversible cliff. A young master ten years younger, and a minor at that, and even a man… there was no way he could accept it. Something was wrong, so he had no choice but to cut him off more coldly and thoroughly.
“The more my hands were stained with blood and I became Gyeongjeong’s blade, the more I had to distance myself from you. I couldn’t kill someone and then casually look at your face and talk to you.”
“Then you should have just told me that! If you had told me everything.”
“Every time we met, you confessed your love, looked at me with eyes that wanted kisses, and how could I say anything to that? What could I… I couldn’t do anything but reject you.”
A relationship that had deteriorated beyond repair, a repetition of Kwon Rae-i desiring Woo Tae-hwon and Woo Tae-hwon pushing him away. In a cycle they couldn’t escape, Tae-hwon tore at his heart and cried out alone, and Kwon Rae-i also grieved, longing for Woo Tae-hwon. They were trapped in different kinds of despair, unable to reach each other.
“That’s how I endured it. Looking forward to the day you turned twenty, became an adult. I believed that when that day came, the Chairman would cut ties with you and support you to leave Gyeongjeong and live a normal life. But in the end, the Chairman didn’t keep his promise…”
“I see. That makes sense. My father wrote a will making me his successor. Even if he kicked me out, it was obvious I’d come back and destroy Gyeongjeong.”
“That’s right.”
From here on, it was a story Kwon Rae-i also knew.
“Kwon Tae-oh went crazy when he saw the will and impulsively murdered the Chairman. I… even with the Chairman’s will and Kwon Tae-oh, the murderer, I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t think of anything but you.”
Because Woo Tae-hwon had endured for ten years with only one thought in mind: to give Kwon Rae-i a bright future.
“Even then, I thought I had to send you away. And I thought that if I, too, left Gyeongjeong and went abroad, I could finally put a proper end to our past relationship. In a land where no one knew me, I’d change my name and identity, change my life… so that you could never find me again.”
“……”
“Forget about me. You, just…”
“……”
“Your life… from afar…”
“……”
“Very, very… ugh, from afar…”
Before long, the voices faded.
Instead, they shared breaths as they embraced each other. Their racing hearts were close, and their hot breaths tickled their ears.
The feelings they had poured out haphazardly weren’t enough. The longing emotions they felt for each other still surged in their hearts. Even that had to be shared together. There was nothing more to wait for. There was no need to endure and persevere. Misunderstandings. Anxiety. Hesitation. All of it melted away like bubbles, and only the other person remained in their place.
Finally, their eyes met. Eyes that shone clearly even in the darkness were deep and desperate, as if they would not miss anything of the other and would hold it in their hearts. When one blinked, the other followed suit.
As if they had matched it.
As if they were the same.
As they stared at each other silently, Tae-hwon slowly raised his hand and stroked Kwon Rae-i’s cheek. His rough fingertips slid sadly over the soft skin. Kwon Rae-i quietly lowered his eyes, then blinked and slowly opened his eyelids again.
His lips trembled slightly.
Whenever memories of the past surfaced, he felt like he would go crazy with resentment and bitterness towards Woo Tae-hwon, but even so, he didn’t break down. It was Kwon Rae-i himself who had been constantly demanding that he look at the present him, because the past was just the past.
To be buried in past emotions was to be stuck in the past.
Kwon Rae-i wanted to live in the present with Woo Tae-hwon. He wanted to live, drawing a future together.
Already, their future was unfolding far ahead, and they had even returned together to the memories they had so longed for. He could embrace Woo Tae-hwon with his own two arms, and he could hear the stories he had been so curious about. The past years had been excessively painful, and they had been separated for too long, returning a long way, but even so, he wanted to embrace him rather than blame him.
“…I understand.”
Kwon Rae-i struggled to suppress his emotions.
Instead, as much as he regretted it, he filled his empty, hollow heart with Woo Tae-hwon.
He lowered his chin close, matching his breath at a distance where they could almost touch, and obsessively watched the other’s eyes slowly shaking. Even in the dark room, he could tell. Woo Tae-hwon’s trembling and his regret. And his apology. His eyes were reddening.
“I understand that you did it for me. The way Tae-hwon chose wasn’t wrong either. If it had been any other ordinary kids, they would have grown up the way Tae-hwon and my father thought they would. Cleanly. Staying away from the family. And they would have left Gyeongjeong when they became adults.”
“Yeah… I hoped so.”
“Whose fault is it that this happened because I loved Tae-hwon? It’s my fault after all.”
“No. It’s not your fault…”
Before he could finish speaking, Kwon Rae-i quietly brought his face close. Slowly, closer, until their breaths mingled. Strong arms swept up Tae-hwon’s waist, and soft hands wrapped around his neck.
“My feelings must have been a burden to Tae-hwon. I know it was overwhelming. But I couldn’t give up. I was desperate.”
“…Rae-i.”