By Zephyria 
The inside of my palm felt itchy and warm.
The speed at which the little guy swallowed my internal energy was slightly faster than my speed of breathing and regulating energy. It wasn’t to the point of being impossible, but it felt a bit tight.
The creature blinked regularly, but it showed irregular reactions whenever I spoke to it. It was as if it were answering my thoughts.
To see if there was any pattern to this tiny lifeform’s language, I spoke to it in my mind several times and observed its reactions.
‘Is it tasty?’
Blink, blink. It blinked twice quickly.
‘How long have you been waiting?’
Bli-ink. It blinked once, slowly.
‘You must have been bored.’
⋯. It didn’t answer.
‘Are you good at studying?’
⋯. It didn’t answer.
‘Daddy thinks you—’
Blink, blink, blink. It blinked three times quickly.
‘Daddy.’
Blink, blink, blink. The reaction was still good.
When I didn’t speak to it, the creature blinked about once every three seconds. But when I spoke, it blinked more than three times a second.
I wanted to say more. I pondered what else I should say to get the baby to react.
‘Daddy⋯ likes you too.’
Flash!
I was momentarily startled even with my eyes closed by a bright light.
The blue light that had flared up soon subsided. It had been a random word—no, a random thought—thrown out just in case. I was almost flustered by how brightly it sparkled at such a pretentious sentiment.
Even if it were just a coincidence of timing, for some reason, a corner of my heart felt itchy.
‘Daddy⋯ you—’
The creature’s blinking slowed down. However, this was an emotion and a relationship I had never imagined I could possess until this day. Since I had no prepared words, I hesitated and faltered.
Before I knew it, my Mana Hall—no, my Dantian (Energy Center)—was empty. I hurried to perform the lesser circulation. I could have gained a larger amount of internal energy by first circulating widely through the outer acupoints of the body, but there was no other way to accumulate energy quickly.
I heard Mika’s voice from afar. I also realized that my breathing had become quite labored compared to the beginning.
‘Daddy’s going now. Bye.’
Bli-ink. Blink, blink.
‘Are you trying to hold onto me?’
Blink, blink, blink.
‘Then—’
It was then. The presence in my hand vanished abruptly.
A strange sense of emptiness filled a corner of my chest. I became newly aware that I had been connected to another being for a long time.
My vision was filled with Mika, who was smiling awkwardly with a look of deep concern. I blinked my eyes at a speed similar to the thing inside the egg.
Even as a tender hand slowly caressed my forehead and cheek, I didn’t immediately snap back to my senses.
“Is it difficult?”
“⋯Ah, yeah. I was surprised because it was a bit different from what I thought. Has it already awakened?”
“It’s still far from that. They say the consciousness can awaken first even inside the egg, but right now it is too small and young to send thoughts. It seems it was just greedy because it had been starving for so long.”
That couldn’t be.
“⋯Really? It seemed to like the sound of ‘Daddy’.”
“Haha! What? Did you teach it that already?”
“Just, in my head.”
Mika laughed loudly.
I glanced at the egg held in his left hand. I could feel that Mikael, like me, was drawing mana from inside his body to feed the egg.
It is common sense that if there is external interference during breathing and regulating energy, one can get hurt. It’s fine for Mika since he can handle all the acupoints in my body as if they were his own, but I⋯.
However, Mika smiled easily and opened his arms. Once again, I hugged Mika’s neck and clung to him tightly, just like the first time.
“Does it say it’s still hungry?”
“I’m not sure⋯. For now, it seems quite satisfied.”
I looked at the egg sparkling in Mika’s hand. The mottled colors that were there when I first held it had noticeably faded.
It was dazzling. The blue light that had sparkled vibrantly in my hand seemed to have permeated the surface of this beautiful gem.
It looked like a water-soaked opal viewed on a day of heavy rain, or a glossy pearl resting on gold dust. It seemed as if all the beautiful colors of the world were trapped inside that round sphere.
After staring for a while, I unconsciously reached out. Mikael hurriedly stopped me and hid the left hand holding our baby behind his back. I found myself looking up at Mika’s straight, handsome face.
Mika was⋯ smiling down at me as if looking at something very cute and pretty.
“No. Let’s stop here for today.”
“⋯I didn’t have the energy to do more anyway.”
“It seems it’s right for me to be the one cradling this little guy. If you keep feeding it mana when I’m not looking, Ruben, I think you’ll be reduced to nothing but bones.”
“⋯.”
“Why aren’t you saying no?”
True. Why can’t I say no?
Feeding a little mana isn’t that difficult for me.
I was used to enduring a small loss to gain a greater profit. If the being that awakens from this small egg regards me as its real daddy, its true parent, and follows me, then a little physical hardship was something I would actually welcome.
However, I knew well why Mika was stopping me. Without throwing a tantrum, I leaned my head against his chest.
A cozy scent lingered close to the tip of my nose. I kept leaking smiles because I loved how Mika worried for me and embraced me.
“⋯I’m someone who’s never even raised a dog⋯ but strangely, I’m becoming attached.”
“It seems Yong-yong recognized that you’re the person who will become its daddy. It’s already melting my heart.”
“Is that so.”
“What is it?”
A silly laugh escaped me.
“⋯No, it’s just funny.”
“I mean, what is?”
“No⋯ I just didn’t know I’d make a child so wholesome⋯.”
“And what would be ‘not wholesome’?”
Our eyes met. Mika’s blue gaze sank deeper.
Whenever I saw Mika still desiring me, my heart trembled because it felt so unfamiliar. As I gazed silently, his lips soon touched my forehead.
I closed my eyes tightly and opened them. If Mika hugs me like this whenever I tremble in anxiety, I⋯.
I’ll be okay.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, I was lying alone in a familiar room.
The deep navy tapestry, which stood out from the overall color scheme of Count Ernhardt’s estate, was a special order from my mother to suit Mika’s particular love for blue.
All the antique cinnamon walnut furniture had rounded edges with no sharp corners. Enough so that a young child wouldn’t get hurt even if they bumped into them while running around.
How young and cute Mika was in the memories of Count Ernhardt and his wife was embedded in every piece of furniture in this room.
⋯From where to where was it a dream?
My outstretched arm wandered over the empty sheets a few times. No matter how much I fumbled, I caught nothing.
I sat up and looked around. Perhaps he had tried to maintain some dignity since he had come to Count Ernhardt’s estate, as the sight of not a single liquor bottle rolling around felt surreal.
I slowly sat up.
My head felt like it was splitting. What time is it? What day is today? How much time has passed since that event⋯.
Between the memories that surged up abruptly, Mika’s brightly smiling face popped out. The face that looked down at me tenderly, dressed in formal attire, was still vivid before my eyes.
Marriage⋯.
⋯Should I go back to sleep?
What’s the point?
Despair, which had been slowly rising from beneath the bed, surged up to my chin in an instant.
I tilted my head back slightly. I swallowed gasping breaths through my parted lips. Like someone fallen into deep water, I struggled to push air into my tightening chest.
Ridiculous. Do I still want to live?
I knew that if I just pulled the bell rope, a servant would enter and stand by immediately. But I couldn’t do it.
Because if I did, I might find out that everything really was just a dream. That I would wake up thrown back into a world-line where Mika had not yet returned⋯.
I wonder how long I stayed like that.
The door opened without a sound. There was no one who dared to open the door to my bedroom without a single knock. My state must have been quite a sight. Since my memories of last night were incomplete, I couldn’t be sure of anything.
I simply turned my gaze toward the door.
Then, a sparkling smiling face appeared through the gap. It was Mika, wearing the silver-gray vest I had chosen myself. It was as if he had walked out of my dream⋯.
No, is this a dream? Which one?
The pungent smell of food approached quickly.
Mikael’s brightly smiling expression quickly stiffened. Without hiding his flustered face, Mika roughly placed what he was holding on the nightstand.
As Mika sat on the bed, one side of the high mattress sank. I still didn’t budge. Mika carefully reached out his hand.
If his hand touches me like this, will I wake up from the dream again?
Terrified, I behaved obediently. Soon, a hot body temperature enveloped me. A familiar scent filled my lungs. I gasped, swallowing my breath. And I swallowed again. I carefully leaned the tip of my nose against Mika’s collarbone.
⋯And yet, I didn’t wake up⋯.
It wasn’t a dream. Thank goodness. I surrendered my body to the hot hands that stroked from the back of my head down to my lower back and naturally massaged my shoulders and waist to soothe me.
Before he left, Mika never touched me like this without permission. So this is, truly⋯.
It really is Mikael Ernhardt who has returned alive. Thank goodness.
“I’m sor— I’m sorry. I just.”
“⋯Mika.”
“I, I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Kiss me.”
Mikael kissed me without hesitation.
Both my cheeks and the tips of my ears grew hot. I licked his tongue as it explored the inside of my mouth in a familiar way, as if swallowing it. I didn’t close my eyes while the tip of the tongue and the roof of the mouth rubbed together. Mika did the same.
I slowly wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
As I leaned back, Mika followed me. I lay down on the bed as if collapsing and blinked a few times. Before I knew it, my vision was blurred. I felt exhausted by how accustomed I had become to useless tears.
I wrinkled my nose at the unfamiliar smell coming from Mika. Perhaps he had stayed in the kitchen for quite a while, as a slight smell of oil and flour clung to his collar.
The sweet breakfast I had once wished for from Mika⋯ has returned in this form.
Realizing this was funny. I didn’t want to realize my abnormality in this way.
I carefully examined Mika’s face, which looked troubled and apologetic, not knowing what to do.
Whether it was because of the place or because I hadn’t fully woken up.
Even though we were touching like this, I kept feeling as if I were sitting inside a dream.
“⋯I⋯.”
“No, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”
“⋯.”
Yes, it’s not Mikael’s fault.
He acted as he was taught. It was only natural that starting the day with a breakfast prepared by Mika and a kiss while lying in bed should feel incredibly sweet and happy. Nevertheless, the scars left by the past time of loss seemed deeper than expected.
When will I be able to fully believe that Mika is staying by my side? When will⋯.
I opened my mouth to soothe Mikael, who was still anxious.
“It’s because⋯ I like you too much.”
“⋯Pardon?”
“I like you so much that I get angry, and feel wronged, and sorrowful⋯ and it feels like this is all a dream. That’s why I keep getting scared⋯.”
“⋯.”
“I love you, Mika.”
“⋯I do too. I love Ruben too.”
Mika, who had been hit by my sudden anxiety, tenderly and kindly kissed my cheeks several times.
He confessed his love in a sweet voice. He cut the food he had made himself into small pieces and fed it to me. The texture of the fluffy pancakes and the consistency of the stew were surprisingly perfect for my taste.
I bit into and swallowed the love he delivered so preciously through his words, expressions, and gestures.
Amidst the lovely bickering and teasing, Mika suddenly said this.
“I will always return to Ruben’s side. You don’t have to worry about that much.”
“⋯.”
Suddenly, my throat tightened.
I forced a smile to keep from crying again. I had never found it difficult to fake my expressions anywhere or anytime, yet the smile I crafted felt somehow awkward.
I gazed silently up at Mika. It was then that the words I had been holding back in my throat finally popped out.
“In the next life too?”
Mika answered without a second of hesitation.
“Yes. In the next life too.”
“How?”
“⋯What do you mean, how?”
“How will you recognize me and find me?”
“Pardon?”
“If I am split into several people and reincarnated, which one of them will you choose?”
I had already come to know the logic of how this world works.
The humans born on this continent are different from the souls of the world Mika lived in.
To Mika, a soul was something that could be born repeatedly as beings other than humans. Chicks, fish, deer, and humans all held the same weight.
However, the souls of this continent differ in size depending on the amount of mana they possess, even among the same humans. Beings with the same MQ were usually of the same species.
And the moment a life dies, the soul of that being scatters like wind from a popped balloon.
Then Mikael would⋯.
I still don’t want to see Mikael suffer. But even so, I couldn’t overcome the desire to cling to him, crying that I am suffering more right now.
I wish you wouldn’t love anyone other than me.
It would have been better if I hadn’t known how much these words could torment a person.
I already knew the result of a failed love. I also knew well what kind of abyss the obsession and jealousy of the first human had pushed the Ninth God into.
Of course, Mikael was not the kind of person who would ruin the world with such acts, no matter what I said.
And that was why I felt resentful. The despair coming from the fact that you, who could accept anyone other than me, would not fully understand me even though I am this miserable; the way my pretense of wanting to show only a pretty and good side to you is filled; the longing to be loved as my complete self⋯.
However, Mika still looked bewildered.
“⋯Did you not know?”
“Know what?”
“Ruben’s soul will not be able to be split, no matter how many times you are born in the future.”
“⋯Eh? Why?”
“Because you learned both the Hip-Circlet and the Azure Sky Unfettered Sword Art, didn’t you?”
“⋯Huh?”
What does that have to do with us right now?