By Zephyria 
How long had I been crying?
“…When Mikael returns. …Please, get married. I will give you my permission.”
What?
It was a bizarre sound that woke me from my daze.
I had never once thought that I would need their permission for our marriage.
Of course, I had consistently made efforts to take care of the Ernhardt family. However, that was with the same weight as being kind to the Philodendors simply to get my hands on Mikael more smoothly.
Since Mikael cherished the people around him, especially his family, I had merely tried to maintain a moderate relationship to naturally spread positive rumors about me.
Because I…
I… did I really need their permission to have Mikael?
I was so bewildered that my sobbing stopped. A hot hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me up. It was Michael.
As I remained unable to stand straight, my legs still giving way, he continued speaking in a grumbling tone.
“I agree. From where I stand, it seems my brother is definitely hooked.”
I had met Mikael many times in the capital. We had dined together several times, I had burdened him with gifts and notes, and I had followed him to the theater. Because if Mikael had been by my side, he would have done the same.
Whenever that happened, Mikael often treated me as if I were his brother’s lover. He had been doing so for a long time.
“…Didn’t Your Majesty live with my brother longer than I did? I originally intended not to give my permission easily… but forget it. Your Majesty, just take him.”
Miss Asdel’s words were even more astounding. Receiving the haughty permission of Mikael’s younger siblings rather than his parents made me realize anew how arrogantly I had lived my life.
Until now, there had been absolutely no instance where I had struggled to seek anyone’s permission.
I had never sought permission from Beneto or Kate for every little thing. Even when handling state affairs, it was natural to carry out the work first and notify them afterward. Naturally, it was the same in my dealings with Mikael’s parents…
I blinked slowly. Absurdly, a feeling of anticipation rose within me.
I slowly turned my gaze toward Seiren Ernhardt. Resembling Mikael, she stopped dabbing her tear-filled eyes with a handkerchief and curled the corners of her lips upward.
For a moment, it felt as if my inner thoughts had been read completely. I quietly lowered my eyes. She spoke.
“Still, since you’ve come this far, please stay the night. I can spare a room for you.”
“….”
Why isn’t this permission for the marriage?
When I didn’t answer, I heard another sigh-mixed laugh.
“Are you just going to leave?”
“…No, no. I will… stay, with gratitude.”
In this situation, I couldn’t exactly demand why she wasn’t granting permission for our marriage. Even to my own eyes, I seemed like a madman.
I wanted to take out a handkerchief to wipe my face, but I realized too late that I had come all this way without a single pocket square in my pocket, so distracted as I was. Unable to watch my hand fumble through empty pockets, Michael lent me his handkerchief.
* * *
In the end, I followed them to the Count Ernhardt estate.
The Ernhardt mansion was overall antique. The wallpaper of the main building was overlaid with old chestnut fabric, and the curtains were a faded burgundy. The clean, white lace surrounding everything added a touch of modernity to the classical residence.
Naturally, I was given the seat of honor in the drawing room. I still did not want to open the envelope containing Mikael’s will. I didn’t want to steal even the smallest piece of luck from him. Yet, on the other hand, my heart pounded violently in anticipation of the words he might have left for me.
With trembling hands, I placed Mikael’s will on the table.
The white envelope I had carried with me the whole time already had worn corners. Even the Second Prince’s seal stamped in the center had a hairline crack.
Originally, Mikael’s will should have borne the Ernhardt seal. A will using my seal was no different from evidence that we were already engaged.
“…At that time, Mika said he was going to rewrite his will in my study….”
“Yes. He probably did.”
I curled my fingertips, feeling unnecessarily embarrassed. The Ernhardts laughed again.
To verify a will, three adult blood kin and one witness from the state were required. In this room, there were exactly three adult Ernhardts, including Michael. And I had come from the Imperial Palace.
I didn’t know if Mikael had called me here hoping for this as well, but…
William Ernhardt brought a paper knife and took his seat. With a somewhat casual, almost detached attitude, he sliced open the envelope.
“Normally, we should read a eulogy and say various words to honor the deceased… but I intend to omit that and think of this simply as a diary we are secretly peeking into while Mika is absent. Is that acceptable to Your Majesty?”
“…Yes.”
Thus, a total of five sheets of paper were taken out onto the table.
First, William Ernhardt slowly scanned the will with his eyes. I stared blankly as his calm eyes turned red. After tracing each letter with trembling hands, he yielded the turn to Seiren.
Seiren reached out and grasped William’s hand. In that sorrowful gesture, I saw a heart knotted with grief. When a corner of the paper crinkled under her fingertips, she hurriedly pressed the crease flat with her thumb and index finger.
Michael seemed to be searching for something, flipping through the wills at a very fast pace. With his shoulder pressed against Asdel’s, they read a certain part together, and then he scanned through from the first page to the last once more, slowly. As they read the final page, their shoulders shook slightly.
Only then did my turn come.
「Will」
The honest title written clearly at the very top in a neat, upright script was truly like Mikael.
「I, Mikael Ernhardt, write this before climbing the Yuil Mountains.
Life is the same for everyone, but it is difficult to predict even what is right in front of us. Thinking about what I could leave behind if I were unable to return for whatever reason, nothing comes to mind easily. The assets I relied upon came from the glory of the family, so everything I possess does not belong to me alone.
Therefore, instead of objects, I wish to convey my gratitude to those remaining through simple requests.
William Ernhardt.
I know well that you, who are so kind, carry many responsibilities. Most of my first memories in this world are of things with you, Father. You have suffered much living with a son like me who acted so willfully. Since kindness is another name for strength, Father has the power to overcome any sorrow. I entrust the remaining family to you.
Seiren Ernhardt.
When I think of all the lovely things that bloomed from Mother’s precious fingertips, I feel I am the ugliest among them. Mother, please blame this unworthy child for the filial piety he could not fulfill, but do not blame yourself. You were always good to me and always showed me your best self. So please, grieve little and be happy for a long time. Thank you for sharing your life with me and for caring for me for so long.
Michael Ernhardt.
My lovely and precious younger brother. You have been an obedient and talented child since you were very small. Thinking of how you followed even a trivial word of mine as if it were the heavens, I feel I will never meet a baby as kind and beautiful as you again in my life. In my absence, you are the eldest son of this house. Please fulfill your responsibilities and put the heart of this unworthy older brother at ease.
Asdel Ernhardt.
The most prim and picky baby in our house. Though I know clever you will handle anything well, your brother’s heart is still not at ease. Whenever you walk anywhere, be sure to be accompanied by knights, and be careful to avoid deep waters. I promised to give you a piggyback ride when you got married, and it is a pity that I cannot do that. Live well. Do not cry much, and laugh loudly.」
It felt more like a letter than a will.
Following that, the names of the family members were listed one by one. For the relatives, including grandparents, maternal grandparents, and his uncle, he had mentioned at least one joyful memory they shared. Toys received as birthday presents, conversations they had, funny anecdotes he remembered, small jokes…
Mikael had many friends as well.
The messages left for his friends, continuing from the third page, were shorter and simpler than those for his family. Shayden Rose, Marianne Philodendore, Benjamin Claudian, Jenny Tenessus, Damian Christopher, Ivan Bikoff… In addition to them, a dozen more names were written.
The words to his friends were mostly similar. Live well, thank you, it was fun, stay healthy…
I read them slowly and meticulously, without missing a single word.
And the final fifth page was occupied entirely by one person.
「To the one I love.」
My breath stopped.
「Please wait for me as long as you wish to wait.
And if you grow weary, you may meet someone else at any time.
My affection is entirely yours, from the beginning to the end,
So I hope you handle it comfortably, as you please.
I love you. Your Mikael Ernhardt.」
Mikael had rewritten his will once just before the Floyd trial. On that day, I had been angry because I didn’t want to imagine Mikael’s death. So, I spent the whole day held in Mikael’s arms, kissing him and acting spoiled.
These were the words written on that day.
Did Mika, did Mika know how long we would be apart?
What was he thinking as he left the previous pages as they were and replaced only the very last page? Mikael’s tender voice from that day was still vivid in my ears. Mikael told me that day that I was the most beautiful person in the world. That I was the most…
It was strange.
Mikael had an honest and angular handwriting. Yet, every single letter wavered and surged, making it very difficult to read properly.
I read it, and read it again. And read it over and over.
I kept laughing. Laughter came. My face grew wet. Fearing that the precious writing might smudge, I held the paper far away from my body.
There were so many things I wanted to say. There were already many, and now there were more.
I don’t want to wait for you. I don’t want to meet anyone else. I just want you to come before me right now. My love, my love is the same. From beginning to end, it exists only for you.
I, I have never once felt comfortable with you. I like you. I like you so much that I feel like I’m going crazy. I think I’ve gone mad. I really don’t know how this is possible, I…
With what thought did you honestly leave everyone else’s names including their surnames, yet fail to write a single character of my name properly? I know, your family knows, and the world knows that your love is only for me. But why, why did you do this to me until the very, very end.
Why do you make me so miserable…
I shouldn’t have become the Emperor. I should have just hidden away with you when we first met. I should have tied your feet and mine so that neither of us could go to the Yuil Mountains. It would have been so wonderful for the two of us to spend time in a small mansion, cozily watching the grapes ripen. I wouldn’t care about god or the world, as long as I had you.
A thin arm wrapped around my shoulder. I thought it was Michael again, but it was Seiren.
Her black mourning veil tickled my cheek. The scent of lily of the valley wafted from her rustling clothes. She whispered softly in a damp, wet voice.
“…There is a room I intended to give to Mikael when he returned, Your Majesty. Please stay there today. Today, and again next time… I can give it to you whenever Your Majesty wishes. So, so Your Majesty. Please, do not forget Mika. …Please remember how much that child, my son, loved and cherished you, if you will.”
A tender kiss touched my temple.
“…I will also regard you as my own son.”
“Yes. I, I will do so. I….”
It was the marriage permission I had waited for and anticipated. I answered hurriedly. Then, ridiculously, I could breathe again.
Seiren resented me. But at the same time, she pitied me. She hoped that I would not collapse.
If I collapsed here, the efforts to find Mikael would also not continue. That is why she opened my breath. She recognized me as Mika’s spouse and promised the future.
I scrutinized the inner thoughts she had shown me to read. Once I fully understood, I was even happier.
In this moment… I was recognized as Mikael’s lover and family.
Being among the people who waited for and longed for Mikael felt strangely comforting. Even amidst the sorrow, I was moved and we hugged each other’s small backs. Seiren slowly patted my back. Other hands were placed upon us, one by one.
The five of us became one mass, crying and crying throughout. Occasionally laughing, and then crying again.
Until the white day became the deep night, and the night birds wailed their longing.