By Zephyria 
Moonlight, leaping over the closed window, traversed the darkened room. Ruben, sprawled with limbs wide on the luxurious bedding, tossed a hastily torn jeweled button from his grasp onto the floor beside the bed.
Ruben’s eyes, which had been fluttering shut with drowsiness, snapped open again and again. His breathing was rougher than usual, panting in short gasps. The child’s cheeks, flushed crimson from alcohol, absorbed the moonlight, filling me with a hazy, intoxicating hue.
“⋯Kuhm, I’m stuffy⋯. If it’s because I’m stuffy…”
“⋯.”
“I…”
My grasp grew damp with desire.
Even between men, I couldn’t be the one to change Ruben’s clothes, filled as I was with lust. But surely, it wouldn’t be wrong to remove his cravat and vest and put them away neatly.
My breath, heavy with the awareness of his dark gaze still fixed on me, was difficult to swallow. My trembling fingertips barely brushed against the child’s vest. At that, Ruben shifted his hips slightly, helping me undress him. My vision darkened and then brightened countless times.
Unable to bear looking at Ruben, I lowered my gaze.
As the clothes that had been uncomfortably constricting his body were removed, the child deeply inhaled and exhaled. The sight of his well-trained, full chest rising and falling filled my vision, and my own breath hitched.
Sensing my gaze, the child gave a soft, knowing smile and reached for his shirt buttons himself.
“Wait, just a moment.”
“⋯Look, Mika.”
“No⋯.”
How could playing with someone lucid be the same as toying with someone out of their mind? I grasped Ruben’s hands, telling him to stop.
His eyes, which had been closing with drowsiness, flew open wide and looked at me. Ruben stopped laughing. His dark eyes, scrutinizing me, sank deeper, silencing me.
Held and holding, I held my breath.
Ruben had now become a full-fledged man. His well-trained wrists and forearms fit perfectly into my large hands. He was so perfectly proportioned that I harbored the foolish suspicion that he had grown this way just to be held by me.
Ruben, who had been calmly observing me, reached for his shirt buttons again. I pulled his hands away a few times to stop him, but I couldn’t overcome his stubbornness.
I was too aroused right now. I was afraid I might break Ruben’s wrist if I held on too tightly, so I couldn’t apply proper force.
The child pushed my hands away and scratched at his chest. Thus, of the eight buttons in total, two were torn off and three were undone.
Did this child even know that his clumsy touch was gnawing away at my patience? I forced myself to regain my composure and pressed down on his wrists with both my hands, telling him to stop. As Ruben’s hands, resting on the soft bedding, lay close to mine, his fingers, marked like nails, recoiled as if they were a sensitive plant.
As I finally managed to tear my gaze away from his hands, it was one problem after another. This time, Ruben’s disheveled appearance captivated my eyes.
Ruben’s skin was pale, almost translucent, but there were stubbornly dark areas on his fair complexion. His open robe half-concealed and half-revealed his body, and I stared blankly before gasping and lifting my chin.
It felt like swallowing a burning ember. Every time the man in my grasp writhed and protested, I gritted my teeth so hard my molars ached.
This was bad.
Unaware of my thoughts, his dark gaze twinkled with innocent light.
As the child twisted his wrists, trying to escape me, I couldn’t force him any longer and released his hands. Immediately, an arm crossed over my shoulder, pulling me into a tight embrace. Each time his smooth forehead brushed against my chin, a sweet scent like flowers wafted from his breath.
“Why⋯.”
“⋯.”
Why? That was the question I should be asking.
Why was he being so cruel to me?
I swallowed my breath, which felt like I was being strangled, unable to exhale. The hand scratching my shoulder blade burned its way down my spine. Ruben, breathing in ragged gasps, pressed his body close to mine, whimpering and whining. How many times had Ruben’s hands felt this hot?
He tried to push me down with his own strength, but when I didn’t budge, he pressed his body close and rubbed against me. I coaxed and soothed the child, who leaned against me until our lower bellies touched, and then laid him down properly.
I took several deep breaths to calm my churning stomach. The moment I half-sat up, the child, frowning, turned his head sideways, exposing his pale neck, and curled up.
“⋯Cough.”
Is he cold?
I quickly removed my hands that had been pressing Ruben down and pulled the blanket over. Then, Ruben grabbed me by the collar. He pulled with all his might, like a hawk snatching a chick, or a fox with a rabbit. He pressed his hot, wet lips against my tense cheek, whispering hotly.
“I don’t want to⋯ again⋯.”
“⋯.”
“You’re going again.”
⋯Ah.
“⋯No, where would I go without you.”
“Go?”
“No, I’m not going. So let go of this⋯.”
My body stiffened. The child, who had been biting my cheeks, bit my earlobe and put it in his mouth. It seemed he intended to bite anything that came into his mouth.
The wet, sticky sounds echoed close to my ear, but my heart pounded louder than his breath.
My head swam with heat, and I unconsciously tore at the blanket. I wished he would just chew and swallow me whole. Now, I was hotter than Ruben. I was boiling.
Each time my racing heart made me half-lose my mind, I felt like a panting, hot-blooded bastard, and the sight was unfamiliar and frightening. I remained frozen, unable to move, and Ruben’s breathing gradually lowered from my ear to my chin.
What was he looking at? I was too afraid to check.
As I remained motionless, Ruben let out a long sigh, exhaling hot breath, and his body relaxed. He released the arm he had wrapped around my shoulder and cupped both my cheeks. I met his gaze as he guided me.
Ruben mumbled something again.
“⋯Before⋯.”
Of the seven or eight words he uttered, I could only understand one. His voice, thick with breath, was indistinguishable as a whine, a scolding, or fuel that further stoked my burning desire. Half-conscious, I swallowed his sweet, honeyed voice.
Before, what.
When had I ever done this before? That was impossible.
“⋯Water. Shall I get you some water?”
“No⋯.”
“What do you mean, no. First, let’s get your mind⋯.”
Kiss.
Ruben began planting little kisses on my nose and cheeks, like a child pouting.
I was terribly embarrassed that I had closed my eyes the moment he drew near. What was I expecting, this beast? Scolding myself, I opened my eyes wide. My already flushed face felt like it was steaming.
He bit my left cheek with his lips, then gnawed along my jawline with little yelps. I tried to gently push him away and lay him down, but he quickly moved my hands to his chest, which shocked me immensely. I stiffened, my eyes squeezed shut. His hot breath flowed down my neck.
“Ruben. Ruben, I…”
“⋯I know. I know too⋯.”
Know what.
Ruben, clearly enjoying himself, reached for my shirt buttons again, so I pulled back to stop him. Then, as he tried to grab the front of my shirt like a collar, Ruben’s eyes drooped, and he put on a sorrowful face. Seeing the dampness gathering in his eyes, I realized my mistake.
Had I made Ruben feel sorrowful too many times? I couldn’t make the child cry over something like this now.
“⋯Only, up to here.”
“⋯Mmm?”
“Up to here, is fine. Do as you please.”
After much thought, I knelt on either side of Ruben’s thighs, pinning him so he couldn’t move.
Ruben blinked repeatedly, as if trying to clear his hazy vision. He placed his hands on my shoulders and brought his neck close.
“⋯As I please?”
“Yes. You can bite, too⋯.”
“⋯Bite?”
“Yes.”
I even put my hands behind my back, clasping them together. I gripped my left wrist tightly with my right hand. Fearing I might accidentally touch Ruben’s body, I bound myself firmly.
Ruben, unaware of my resolve, tilted his head for a moment, then cautiously reached out.
He tore off buttons as if plucking petals. Now I understood that Ruben hadn’t neglected his grip strength training. His hand strength was better than I thought. This time, I didn’t refuse his hands as he tore off both his vest and shirt.
Ruben’s lips touched my collarbone. He nuzzled it with his wet mouth.
During that time, it was incredibly difficult to suppress my surging Qi and blood. My breath hitched, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“⋯Ruben. When you’re sober, we need to talk.”
“Mmm. Now⋯.”
“No, when you’re sober. Not now⋯.”
“Why?”
It must be because I am so deeply sinful that I am receiving this punishment.
I knew well that touching someone while they were drunk was something I absolutely should not do.
It was funny, then painful, painful, then shameful, and shameful, then melting.
By the time the child, who had been struggling for a long time, finally fell asleep, I was half-out of my mind.
I wanted to calm my raging body with Breathing and regulating energy, but the child, clutching my collar tightly in his sleep, looked so pathetic that I endured it raw. I did it because I didn’t want to leave him alone, even for a brief moment.
It was a surprisingly long and agonizing night.
❖ ❖ ❖
The sun rose.
Ruben, who was startled to see me the moment he opened his eyes, drank three cups of cold water. He sat on the rumpled bedding, unable to find a place to look. His jaw was swollen from clenching his teeth so hard, just like yesterday. Then, the moment our eyes met, he immediately left, saying he would wash up.
Thinking I must be a sight for sore eyes, I looked in the mirror and was also horrified.
From my jaw down my neck to my upper chest, there were clear red and bluish bruises. The inside of my shirt, missing all its buttons, was covered in colorful marks. I now knew better than anyone that such marks weren’t left by mere biting.
Did he just leave me looking like this and run away?
Stunned, I stood in front of the mirror, examining myself from various angles. Then, Ruben, his bangs thoroughly wet, hesitantly entered the room. His cheeks were as red as apples, perhaps from the cold water or from shyness.
I was still wearing the clothes Ruben had so thoroughly stripped of their buttons. I covered myself by holding the open front of my robe closed. Ruben apologized in a voice so quiet it was barely audible.
“⋯Sorry.”
“No, it’s alright. How do you feel inside?”
“⋯I’m really, truly going to abstain from alcohol. It’s been so long since I⋯.”
“Yes.”
“⋯.”
Ruben hesitantly offered me the healing artifact he had brought. It was so amusing, like offering a bone to a strange dog, that I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. As I let out a sound of laughter, the child furtively glanced at my face.
As he handed me the item, I grabbed his outstretched wrist and pulled him into my embrace.
“There’s no need to apologize. What’s wrong with Ruben doing as he pleases with his own things?”
“⋯Does it hurt, though?”
“Yes. Not at all.”
Would a few bites really lay me up? My left wrist, which had been squeezed so hard, was just a little stiff.
Now, a smile slowly spread across Ruben’s face.
Ruben looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine. We gazed at each other for a moment, then smiled again, and as he pursed his lips, I readily kissed him. Then, something suddenly came to mind, and I held Ruben back.
“It’s morning now,”
“⋯Don’t say any more.”
What could I do when he told me not to?
I finished satisfying the desires I had buried last night with the sweet honey of affection.