TLT 21

“…….”

“……Kwon Yi-tae?”

“…….”

“Chzz, chzz. Answer me, over.”

I playfully brought my hand, curved in a circle, to my lips as if talking through a walkie-talkie. I hated heavy farewells. I especially hated leaving emotions in my footprints like lingering attachments.

Kwon Yi-tae slowly raised his head. His eyes were red. Ah. That’s why I hated this. As if he was the only one in the world who felt wronged. He couldn’t deny that person in the end, yet he acted like the tragic hero, and I couldn’t stand it. It made me feel like I was the villain. The one who caused it was Kwon Yi-tae.

“Next time, next time…… can’t we?”

“Nope, can’t do. I told you earlier. Let’s have some time apart, forbidden. Kwon Yi-tae, are you perhaps a contrary child?”

“…….”

“Or do my words not sound like words to you?”

I muttered loudly enough for him to hear, as if talking to myself. Clearly and distinctly.

“……Yi-tae.”

Kwon Yi-tae belatedly spoke in a crawling voice.

“What?”

“Not Kwon Yi-tae, but me, Yi-tae. Yi-tae……. You…… Yi-tae, you said…….”

I pretended not to hear and asked again. His clear voice gradually faded. As if recalling a point in the past. But there was no time to wait for that. Memories might shine, but they were no longer valuable.

The pure white paper shone like a reflector. The white bulb above the table illuminated us dazzlingly. I pressed my lips tightly. The privilege of calling him by his first name only was not Kwon Yi-tae’s right. And he, at least, had no right to demand it.

“Okay, Kwon Yi-tae. From now on, we’re going to write a contract. Got it?”

“……Yi-tae.”

“As you know, this house is under joint ownership. Prices are soaring, so we’d lose a lot if we sold it now. If we put it on the market now? Even if we sold all the household goods, we wouldn’t be able to buy it back. So, I’ll move out. Instead, let’s sell it when it hits its peak. What do you think, Kwon Yi-tae?”

“Call me Yi-tae. ……Please.”

I took it as a sign of agreement and moved on.

I thoroughly ignored his whining. What would change if he protested like this? Would the breakup disappear if I called him Yi-tae? We were going to break up anyway, so why did it matter what I called him? We would never see each other again. So that we wouldn’t even run into each other by chance.

I picked up the pen and wrote 〈Contract〉 largely at the top.

“You can live here until we sell it. If you’re going to rent it out to someone else, tell me in advance. Oh, if you’re going to live here with that person, make sure you give me their share regularly. I won’t take a separate deposit. I still have some pride left, so I won’t let them live here for free.”

“……We’re not like that.”

“We…… you said ‘we.’”

I replied casually. To be honest, I couldn’t figure out what he wanted to deny. Was this the point where I should be curious about why they were going on a trip if they weren’t like that? But I wasn’t really curious.

I wondered how to write it so it would look like it was printed by a printer. The first start was always difficult. It was like that with everything. Meetings, and farewells.

I wasn’t this nervous when I wrote ‘Contract.’ I suddenly became nervous when I thought about keeping it until I sold this house. Haa, I let out a sigh mixed with trembling.

“Words…… slipped out. Not we! Her and, me. So…….”

“It’s okay. We don’t need excuses anymore, now. You don’t have to. Make sure you go on your trip tomorrow.”

He tried his best to deny it, but I generously embraced him. I could do that now. The moment a snowflake fell on the tip of my nose. I realized how futile it was to try so hard to resist. Kwon Yi-tae trembled and reached out his hand over mine.

That wasn’t what I intended to do.

I reflexively shook off his hand. The rejected hand froze in place. As if he hadn’t expected it.

“Ah, sorry.”

His eyes widened. Even I was surprised by the dull sound. I know, why did you suddenly touch me? Yi-tae’s lost eyes shook rapidly. An awkward silence flowed between us. He didn’t accept my quick apology and just stood there blankly.

“So, don’t do useless things and let’s quickly write the contract.”

“……Do whatever you want.”

“I hate that phrase the most. I did what I wanted, and this is what happened. The result is not good at all.”

I threw the words out. No, could it be called words? It was a criticism with thorns sticking out.

Kwon Yi-tae closed his mouth again. At least make an excuse. He had nothing to say, but he wanted to hold on. That seemed to be his psychology.

Still…… it seems like he’s a little sad. I thought he would let me go coolly.

At that moment, the screen lit up brightly and a long chat message popped up. The hand holding the pen was filled with strength.

Assistant Manager Woo

[Hyung…… Do you want to go see the sea with me? You know, I can treat you better. I can do anything. I don’t know how much strength your warm hand gave me. So…… I remember you saying that you were a little tired of that person while drinking. I’m confident that I can do well without getting tired. If only Hyung wants it, you can act however you want. So let’s just try it once……]

It came to mind again and again. I tried to bury it forever and forget it. Was it because I gave it too much strength? The line slipped and went wrong. Fortunately, it was an unimportant phrase. If I wanted to pick on something like this, I could have.

But Kwon Yi-tae silently stared at the paper. No matter what I wrote.

Article 4: Party B shall not contact Party A under any circumstances, except for matters related to real estate. The opposite situation is also the same. In particular, if Party B sends a clingy phrase such as “Are you awake?” while intoxicated with alcohol, Party A may immediately block Party B, and all disadvantages and costs incurred by the blocking shall be borne by the sender.

I finished the sentence and looked at Kwon Yi-tae. I was curious about what kind of expression he was making.

I didn’t originally plan to include such cheesy phrases. But after hearing his words, I had to include them.

“I wrote it the way I wanted to. How is it?”

Saying to do what I want means that he will do the same. So, I needed a minimum of defense so that he couldn’t do whatever he wanted to me.

Kwon Yi-tae had been acting as if his emotions had disappeared for the past year, but no one knew how things would turn out. The emotions that had left could come back in an instant.

I stared blankly at Kwon Yi-tae’s stupid face. Why are you making that face?

“……Is it real?”

What is?

The belated answer was absurd. I couldn’t understand the subjectless words at all, so I kept my mouth shut. A question that was a question but couldn’t be answered. It was so bottomless that it felt like this place was the universe right now.

“I’ll try my best to answer it somehow. First of all, it’s not fake.”

I didn’t know what he meant, so I just blurted out whatever came to mind. It wasn’t a sound I wanted to be understood. Yi-tae looked confused again. Seeing that, my interest dropped sharply. He used to take it well…….

I lowered my head and looked over the contract again. After writing it all, I was very satisfied with the content. Even the font was neat. How could it be so perfect? It wasn’t for nothing that I was praised by Head of department. I nodded to myself. Very satisfied.

“Really…….”

“If you’re that free, come back tomorrow and tell me. I don’t know if I’ll be here, though.”

I answered him without any soul.

It seemed like the contract had almost all the necessary information. Real estate sales, cohabitant, prohibitions…… Was there anything else to add? It was also not good to have too many clauses because it was cumbersome to memorize. It was enough to have only the necessary information. There was also a fine for violations.

I should write down Kwon Yi-tae’s opinion as well. He told me to do whatever I wanted, so I wrote it that way, but when I looked at it like this, it seemed like only my requests were written. Of course, there were no biased or unfair clauses, but still.

I didn’t want to leave any room for disputes.

“Don’t you have anything else to add here? It’ll be hard to revise it if it’s not now, so take a look.”

I pushed the paper over to Kwon Yi-tae, who was only looking at me. He looked like a swaying boat. A small boat drifting in the vast sea without a lighthouse, without a destination, without a ray of light. But there was nothing I could do for him.

I couldn’t be Kwon Yi-tae’s lighthouse anymore, so he had to find his own way to survive. Or he could be with that person. That might sting a little.

“Really, are we…… breaking up?”

Then would it be fake?

The indigestion that had been oppressively pressing down on my throat finally went down with a refreshing feeling. Was that what he hesitated so much to say?

I wasn’t a light person enough to say goodbye with a lie. The reality didn’t change by denying that fact. Kwon Yi-tae also had to know that. So that he could navigate the world well even without me by his side.

“Yeah.”

Kwon Yi-tae didn’t seem to be looking at the paper, so I pushed it in front of him again. This time, I even tapped it with my fingernails. It was an urging to check it quickly. I was sure he had accepted our breakup, so what was so difficult to accept?

Your heart cooled, so you felt attracted to someone else and put me behind you, and I, who finally accepted that, told you firmly that we should break up…… Is that so difficult? We are clearly communicating in the same language. Has it been a while since we were in the same world?

“Why……, why?”

It was a mumble like a soliloquy.

Well. Don’t you know the reason better?

The persistent contact started again. Ziiing, the phone on the table rotated little by little. The timing was good. Kwon Yi-tae, who couldn’t understand, wouldn’t be able to deny it now. Isn’t this God helping us break up? I grabbed Yi-tae’s hand tightly, stopping him from trying to quickly end the call. Now was the time for proof.