By Zephyria 
After sleeping with him, the memory of having struggled to a somewhat shocking degree flashed through his mind. Only then did the parts that had remained unresolved and questionable seem to clear, like fog lifting. It seemed his physical condition at the time had been quite impressive. In short, Yeon-jun had been dwelling on it all this time.
As soon as he vaguely realized this, Eun-ha’s expression went blank for a moment before he let out a silent, wry laugh.
“You were worrying about that?”
Yeon-jun neither affirmed nor denied it, simply keeping his gaze fixed on Eun-ha for a while. As if organizing his thoughts, he turned his face slightly to the side, as if trying to hide his expression, and spoke.
“How could I not worry….”
He said that it was his first time back then, and that he hadn’t been in his right mind because of the alcohol, but when he finally realized it, Hyung was struggling so much. That’s why his head had gone cold, as if he’d been splashed with ice water; he was scared and sorry, feeling like he’d messed things up. But because Hyung kept pushing him away, saying there was no need to worry, he had felt a bit resentful. And so on and so forth….
Listening to the explanation that continued like a spoiled whine, Eun-ha cleared his throat with a soft hm. It was an attempt to stifle the breath that was tickling his windpipe and threatening to escape. Though it didn’t seem like a very effective containment.
Stopping mid-sentence, Yeon-jun glanced at Eun-ha and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“…Why are you laughing?”
“No, it’s just that you’re too….”
Trailing off, Eun-ha lightly bit the inside of his lip. Yeon-jun, who easily read the crack in the expressionless facade Eun-ha had struggled to maintain, looked even more disgruntled.
“Too?”
“Too….”
Well. How should he define it?
That is, perhaps, because he was too cute….
He chose silence, fearing that if he answered exactly what came to mind, it would only make Yeon-jun more grumpy, thinking he was being mocked.
A suspicious lack of response and an unnatural expression. Unfortunately, Yeon-jun interpreted that as a form of mockery in its own right, and in an even more sulky state, he began to continue his protest. The minor commotion only came to an end once Eun-ha threw up his hands in surrender. Fine. I get it. I understand what you mean. I’m sorry….
The end was a simultaneous burst of laughter, as if they had rehearsed it. A peaceful night, as usual.
“Anyway, Hyung.”
“…….”
“I’m not interested in things that only feel good for me.”
His voice was flat.
“But I’m scared it’ll be like last time….”
He asked him to tell him what to do.
Eun-ha, who had been chuckling lightly, paused. His lips gradually stiffened as he looked down ambiguously. It was because a sense of unfamiliarity had filled him. To be precise, he didn’t even know what that feeling was.
When having sex, he had never once considered his own well-being or condition. Since his goal was to pursue pleasure, he felt reasonably good regardless of how it was done.
He had slept with so many partners that he couldn’t even remember them all. Among them, there were occasionally people whose sexual preferences were somewhat violent. Grabbing his hair, pressing down as if strangling his neck, gripping his waist or arms roughly enough to leave bruises… even then, if he felt uncomfortable, he simply accepted it and didn’t give it much thought. Such things were never matters of concern for Eun-ha.
‘Why does that even matter, why keep bringing it up.’
It was a lingering question, but for some reason, he hesitated to voice it. As if his throat were filled with rocks.
At the same time, the feeling that his insides were being rawly chafed was—
“…….”
Perhaps because he had just come face-to-face with the fact that a part of him had been abnormally broken.
For some reason, a void rushed in, as if the ground beneath his feet were collapsing. When he unconsciously bit his lip hard, Yeon-jun opened his eyes in curiosity and reached out. He rubbed the lip with his thumb, narrowing his brow. It was because a drop of blood had already formed from the sudden, hard bite.
“Why did you suddenly bite your lip….”
As if he hadn’t heard, Eun-ha lowered his head and leaned on Yeon-jun’s shoulder. He pressed their lips together and pushed his tongue inside. In the process, Yeon-jun’s arm, which had naturally been pushed back into the air, soon wrapped around his waist. As their meeting eyes gradually blurred and closed, Eun-ha closed his eyes as well.
The kiss tasted distinctly of iron. Eun-ha both liked and disliked the way Yeon-jun sucked his lips and swept through his mouth more carefully, as if conscious of the bleeding. He liked Yeon-jun’s kind habit of respecting his partner, and he hated himself for only now—only at this moment—feeling that such a thing was ‘good.’ It felt like a constant reminder that he hadn’t been normal until now.
Thus, he clung to the act even more. He immersed himself in the kiss, intending to empty his mind. Lying beneath Eun-ha, who pressed his lips against him with an obsessive intensity, Yeon-jun tilted his head obediently as if accepting him. Their tongues entwined, rubbing against the inside of the mouth. The density of the air, which had been loose, tightened in an instant. Stroking the man’s shoulder and neck by instinct and continuing the kiss until he was breathless, Eun-ha suddenly frowned. Although the sofa was relatively wide, it was still not ideal for continuing the act fully.
While shifting his position out of discomfort, he finally pulled back slightly. Their eyes met up close. The pupils revealed beneath loosely open eyelids were completely hazy. After wetting his wet lower lip once with his tongue, Yeon-jun slowly raised his hand. He pulled the back of Eun-ha’s neck, deeply taking his lips into his mouth again. The heat from their pressed bodies was vividly transmitted. Just as he was thinking to himself that he wanted to move locations—
As if following the pressed lips, Yeon-jun lifted his head and supported Eun-ha’s lower back. Then, adjusting Eun-ha’s posture, he lifted his upper body to sit up. It happened before Eun-ha could even react. Next, his hips were stably supported, and his waist was firmly wrapped in one arm. And in an instant, his body soared—into the air.
“Oh…!”
Startled by the sudden sensation of floating, Eun-ha flinched and hugged his neck with both arms. His legs, having lost their support, naturally wrapped around the waist. Before he had time to be bewildered by the situation that had unfolded in a flash, the lips descended upon him again. Mmm…. Letting out a faint moan, Eun-ha rolled his eyes. This was the first time in his life he had been in such a position.
Though Eun-ha had tried all sorts of bizarre positions, being scooped up and carried by someone was truly a first. Responding to the man’s kiss, which seemed quite aroused, he clung on tightly as Yeon-jun began to move somewhere. After a few steps, they reached the bed. Suddenly, starting from his back, his body sank softly into the bed. Eun-ha, staring blankly at the ceiling like someone swept away by a typhoon, regained his senses. He lowered his gaze slightly to look at Yeon-jun standing by the bedside. Where did this strength come from? No, more importantly….
“You surprised me.”
“You seemed uncomfortable.”
With a faint smile, Yeon-jun pressed his knee into the bed and leaned his upper body down.