By Zephyria 
Weekend afternoon. Eun-soo was sprawled on the sofa with the TV on, though he wasn’t actually watching it. He had visited the OB-GYN yesterday, and since it was the weekend, there wasn’t any particular work to do. Consequently, the pouring hours felt dreadfully boring.
When he first joined the company, he worked even on weekends. Seong-jin wasn’t the kind of bad employer who forced people to work on weekends, but Eun-soo had been ambitious back then. In truth, he couldn’t endure it without working. The time he spent enduring things alone was too heavy and lonely.
Thanks to that, he climbed to the position of team leader at a very rapid pace. Of course, Seong-heon’s help played a large part.
And around the time he had fully adapted to the company work, he met Do-kwon and they became lovers.
From then on, he didn’t give a second glance to weekend work. He was preoccupied with eating delicious food with Do-kwon, visiting art galleries, drinking wine, shopping, and traveling.
Back then, time felt so light and fleeting. It would clearly be Friday night, but then he’d blink and it would be Monday morning.
But now. Now… time was neither heavy nor light. It was simply desolate. It felt dry and parched, as if his skin would crack and split at the slightest touch.
A boring romance movie played on the TV. It was a common story: a handsome man and a beautiful woman meet, fall in love, break up due to interference from those around them, and then reunite. It was the kind of story that wouldn’t be worth watching until the end if it weren’t for the famous actors whose faces were familiar.
Eun-soo had been watching that boring movie for an hour. Actually, the movie had only started an hour ago, but he had been watching this channel for five straight hours.
The remote was on the table, just out of reach, and even if he grabbed it, there was nothing in particular he wanted to watch, so he was simply wasting his time and gaze simultaneously.
Then. Gurgle. His stomach vibrated.
Blinking a few times, Eun-soo sprang up.
I have to eat. I have to feed Bom. Come to think of it, he hadn’t eaten anything since brunch.
Eun-soo busily rummaged through the refrigerator. But there was nothing particularly edible. He had a vague thought during breakfast that the fridge was empty, but he had forgotten in the meantime.
Eun-soo let out a nasal hum. I don’t have the confidence to go to the… mart.
Since he no longer needed to feel fear toward young men, going outside wasn’t the problem.
However, the issue was that he still couldn’t ride in a car. If he went to the mart, he would end up buying all sorts of things. He didn’t have the confidence to take a bus to the mart in the middle of this midsummer heat, do the shopping, take the bus back while carrying the groceries, walk home, and organize the refrigerator.
That said, he didn’t want delivery food. He wanted to eat something truly, truly delicious. Delivery food these days tasted fine, but how should he put it… he wanted to wear outing clothes and eat food served on glass plates.
It might sound strange, but that was really how he felt.
Eun-soo stood blankly in front of the refrigerator for a while. Then, suddenly, something he wanted to eat came to mind.
Steak. Pasta. Risotto. Things like that. Something rich yet clean.
One restaurant came to mind. It was a place Do-kwon had taken him to once, and it was really, really, really delicious. It was so delicious that a single ‘really’ wasn’t enough; it needed three.
As he recalled the taste, saliva pooled in his mouth. How long would it take from here? Maybe about 40 minutes by subway. That wasn’t bad.
Eun-soo went straight to the dressing room, took off his loungewear, and put on a thin linen shirt and banding pants. As he grabbed his wallet and phone to leave, he thought of Seong-heon.
Should I ask him to come along? He had eaten alone outside countless times after losing his parents, but this was his first time going to a restaurant. He was worried about the surrounding stares. Moreover, an Omega who was pregnant sitting alone in a restaurant would be a bit…
Standing at the entrance, Eun-soo brought up Seong-heon’s number on his phone screen. His thumb hovered over the call button, almost pressing it.
Tapping his toes against the floor, Eun-soo decided against it. He was a busy man. He didn’t want to call him out on a weekend just to make him listen to his lamentations.
Putting the phone in his pants pocket, Eun-soo left the house.
Bom, let’s go eat something delicious with Daddy!
He shouted such an embarrassing sentence inwardly.
The subway trip wasn’t bad. The air conditioning was a bit strong, but he easily solved it by putting on the knit sweater he had brought just in case. A kind citizen gave up their seat, so he arrived comfortably.
While waiting for the subway, he called the restaurant to ask if he could make a reservation. They were fully booked, but they told him they could make room for a single person, which made him feel even better.
Through the window of the subway running above ground, he could see the Han River. The subtle sunset and the lush green trees characteristic of summer were incredibly peaceful and languid.
Eun-soo hummed a song to himself and stroked his belly. Thinking that Bom was feeling this good mood exactly as he was, his cheekbones rose even higher.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, Eun-soo recited the menu items he had organized in his head without even looking at the menu. Still, he didn’t refuse the menu they gave him. He might find something else he wanted to eat.
Since it was a weekend evening, most of the tables in the restaurant were occupied. However, the distance between tables was very wide, and the table closest to Eun-soo was empty, so he didn’t feel that embarrassed about being alone.
Soon, the salad and ade Eun-soo had ordered arrived. Saying a small “Thank you,” Eun-soo quickly picked up his fork.
The food was delicious. It was exactly the taste he expected, nothing more and nothing less. After scraping the risotto clean with his spoon, Eun-soo happily awaited the steak that would soon arrive. In the meantime, he didn’t forget to order another glass of ade.
And finally. A thick slab of meat began to approach Eun-soo. Eun-soo gazed ecstatically at the meat held in the waiter’s hand.
The waiter grew closer. As he did, the corners of Eun-soo’s mouth curved into a deep arc. It was then.
Just as he thought he saw a tall person behind the waiter, a familiar silhouette entered his sight.
It was Do-kwon.
Eun-soo almost dropped the fork in his hand. Is it really Do-kwon? Really? Why is Do-kwon here… Did he come to see me? How did he know I was here?
Eun-soo’s pupils trembled left and right.
“…….”
And Do-kwon, upon discovering Eun-soo, also froze stiffly. Do-kwon was wearing a white dress shirt and casual pants. He had no tie, and his hair wasn’t styled with wax or anything—he was exactly ‘Weekend Do-kwon.’
The Weekend Do-kwon who had always been with Eun-soo on weekends like today, at a time like this.
Just as Eun-soo was about to stand up from his chair without realizing it.
“The plate is hot. Please be careful.”
The waiter placed the food in front of him. After briefly explaining the dish, he left with a smile.
The moment the waiter vanished from sight, a strange woman revealed herself behind him. She was a woman with a short bob, large eyes, and tanned skin. It might just be a prejudice, but she gave off a strong vibe of someone who had just returned from California.
“Seo Do-kwon. What are you doing? Aren’t you sitting down?”
The bobbed woman urged Do-kwon in a low voice.
“Ah, yeah. Sorry.”
Do-kwon apologized softly and sat in his chair.
Their table happened to be the one next to Eun-soo’s. They were about five steps away, but they were next to each other nonetheless.
Do-kwon and the woman sat facing each other. The waiter who had guided them to their seats poured water into the glasses and laid down the menus. The woman rummaged through the menu, saying she was very hungry. Do-kwon, sitting across from her, didn’t touch the menu. It was likely because he didn’t need to see it. He had come here countless times with Eun-soo.
…No, maybe he doesn’t remember that.
Do-kwon had said he enjoyed visiting this restaurant long before he met Eun-soo. So, it wasn’t particularly surprising that Do-kwon was at this restaurant.
But being here with someone else… was surprising.
Ignoring all politeness, Eun-soo stared intently at Do-kwon.
How cruel. How cruel. How could he come here with someone else? No, it’s fine if he comes, but why does it have to be a woman? It was the weekend, and judging by Do-kwon’s attire, it wasn’t a work-related appointment. If it were business, Secretary Jung would have been with him.
This time, Eun-soo looked at the woman. She had a very attractive appearance. She wasn’t beautiful like a celebrity, but once you looked at her, it was hard to look away. Her wide mouth, large eyes without double eyelids, and healthy-looking skin were quite striking.
She tapped various parts of the menu with her index finger.
“Should I eat this? This looks delicious too. What do you think?”
“……Sure. I’ll have the same.”
Is that person an Omega? Since Do-kwon dislikes Omegas so much, maybe not. A Beta, or perhaps a fellow Alpha. What does she do? To be compatible with Do-kwon, she must be a capable person. She probably does something intelligent and influential.
Moreover… someone close enough to speak informally to Do-kwon.
Eun-soo had never seen her before. While dating Do-kwon for over two years, he had become acquainted with Do-kwon’s few friends, but among them, there was no such woman.
Who is she? What is her relationship with Do-kwon? Why is she with him here, at this time? Since when have they been close?
With his mind in a tangle, Eun-soo’s complexion turned pale. At that moment, the woman looked at Eun-soo. She must have felt his fiery gaze.
Startled, Eun-soo hurriedly looked down. He tried to put on a pathetic act of pretending to eat, but the side of his hand touched the steak plate. A fiery sensation of pain shot through him.
“Ah, hot…!”
Eun-soo let out a shrill scream and pulled his arm back. It was a short scream, but the pitch was high. Because of that, not only the woman and Do-kwon, but the people around them also looked at Eun-soo.
Under the sudden gaze of dozens of eyes, Eun-soo’s face flushed deep red. While keeping his head low and waiting for the attention to disperse, the hall manager approached with an exaggerated fuss.
“Oh my goodness, guest! Are you alright? This is…”
“Uh, ah, yes. I’m okay.”
“Still, perhaps some treatment…”
“No, no. I’m really okay. I’m sorry.”
At Eun-soo’s repeated refusals, the manager stepped back with a distressed look. Then, a few minutes later, he returned with a towel soaked in cold water and burn ointment. Thanks to that, the looks of sympathy fixed on Eun-soo showed no sign of dispersing.
Eun-soo hurriedly squeezed and applied the burn ointment. Then, he quickly showed his ointment-slicked hand to the manager. It was a sign that the manager had provided the maximum kindness possible, so please leave now.
Fortunately, the manager left after telling him to call again if it hurt. Eun-soo’s lips curled up and then down as he picked up his utensils. After that, he began to diligently cut the thick slab of meat.
Then, the gazes that had been piercing Eun-soo’s body here and there disappeared one by one. By the time he had cut the meat into about three pieces, everyone was focused on their own meals. Eun-soo put down the knife and let out a long, thin sigh.
He picked up a piece with his fork and brought it to his mouth. The steak topped with cream sauce was the menu item he had looked forward to most, but for some reason, he had no appetite. It was probably because of the two people sitting next to him.
Unconsciously, Eun-soo’s eyes rolled. Then, he jumped in surprise, his shoulders twitching. It was because Do-kwon was staring at him.
“…….”
Eun-soo quickly buried his face in the meat plate. Then, he brought the meat, from which blood was leaking, to his mouth and chewed it like rubber. However, Do-kwon’s gaze, fixed on his cheek, did not waver.
Eun-soo’s eyelashes trembled. Should he acknowledge him? Is that allowed? But he didn’t have the right to do so. Weren’t they, literally, worse than strangers now?
Just as Eun-soo was about to look at Do-kwon again, the woman slapped the back of Do-kwon’s hand.
“Seo Do-kwon. Stop looking. That’s rude.”
At those words, Do-kwon slowly took his eyes off Eun-soo.
“……I wasn’t looking.”
“Liar. You were.”
The woman glared at Do-kwon with narrowed eyes. Then, the server began to place the food in front of the two of them one by one. The woman focused on the meal with sparkling eyes, and Do-kwon also picked up his fork.
The woman, who kept admiring the taste, also ordered wine. The beautifully colored wine filled their glasses, sloshing gently.
Meanwhile, Eun-soo managed to move his fork and knife diligently. Of course, he couldn’t stop his eyes from glancing toward them, ignoring his own self-control.
The woman and Do-kwon shared an affectionate conversation. Because of the softly flowing classical music, he couldn’t tell what they were talking about. Occasionally, they clinked wine glasses and shared laughter.
Eun-soo’s eyebrows gradually sank lower. The corners of his mouth drooped, his eyelashes trembled, and his eyes grew moist. And his wrist felt unbearably itchy. He felt a phantom sensation as if an insect were clinging to it.
Eun-soo stared blankly at the steak he hadn’t even half-finished. It was the menu item he had most looked forward to. For some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to eat more. The white, clumped cream and meat juices were sticky. Looking at the sauce mixed into a muddy brown and the crushed slab of meat made him feel bloated. He felt as if everything he had enjoyed eating previously would reflux.
Eun-soo put down his fork and looked at the next table again. The woman was laughing and clapping her hands, seemingly finding something very funny. He couldn’t see the expression of Do-kwon, who was sitting opposite her. Since their seats were parallel, he had to turn his head completely to see his face.
He could see if he wanted to… but he didn’t want to. He was afraid that Do-kwon might be smiling like that woman. If so, he might pathetically burst into tears right here.
He was in unspeakable pain and sadness because of Do-kwon. Seeing Do-kwon laughing with someone else made him feel as if he would crumble. Completely—to the point where he couldn’t care for his own body, let alone Bom.
Until he saw Do-kwon, it had been a very pleasant day for the first time in a long while. In an instant, it had become like this. In the past, just catching Do-kwon’s eye or catching a glimpse of his face made him feel so happy he could die. These days, every time he accidentally encountered Do-kwon, it felt as if his heart were being carved out.
Because of that, Eun-soo was now more afraid of Do-kwon’s face than he missed it. But like an idiot, he was glad to see him, even like this. He kept inhaling, longing for Do-kwon’s scent that felt as if it were almost brushing the tip of his nose.
After staring at the crushed slab of meat for a long time, Eun-soo stood up. He had to go home. He felt he should stop by a pharmacy on the way to buy some digestive medicine.
Constantly fighting the urge to turn his head toward Do-kwon, Eun-soo barely managed to exit the restaurant.
The hall manager followed him until he pressed the elevator button, repeatedly apologizing. This was despite the fact that the manager bore no responsibility for Eun-soo’s injury.
Eun-soo told him it was okay, that it was his own fault, and that the food was very delicious, all while staring desperately at the elevator display. He wanted to escape this space as quickly as possible. He missed his bed, which had felt like a sticky swamp, intensely now.
Finally, the elevator arrived in front of Eun-soo. With an awkward smile to the manager, Eun-soo quickly stepped into the elevator. As he pressed the close button firmly, he caught a glimpse of the manager turning around.
It was just as Eun-soo let out a deep sigh and slumped his shoulders. The elevator doors, which had almost closed, opened again. Eun-soo took a step back. He thought someone else was trying to get on.
But in front of him was a person he had not expected at all.
“……Mr. Do-kwon?”
It was Do-kwon. Eun-soo’s eyes widened.
Do-kwon had a very fierce expression. With his brow furrowed and his lips tightly set, he looked like someone who was greatly enraged. While Eun-soo stared at him blankly, unable to do anything, Do-kwon grabbed Eun-soo’s wrist. Then, he pulled him sharply outside. Eun-soo’s thin body was dragged out helplessly.
“Mr. Do-kwon!”
“Be quiet.”
After glancing around briefly, Do-kwon walked toward the emergency exit. Eun-soo tried to pull his arm away, putting strength into his heels, but it was useless.
Do-kwon opened the emergency exit door and practically threw Eun-soo inside. Eun-soo’s shoulder hit the wall.
“Ugh…….”
Eun-soo let out a short groan and clutched his shoulder. His face naturally contorted at the dull pain. Eun-soo glared at Do-kwon with sharp eyes.
“What do you think you’re doing!”
His sharp voice rang loudly through the empty emergency stairwell. However, Do-kwon didn’t even blink. Instead, he strode toward Eun-soo and loomed over him threateningly.
“How did you know I was here?”
“……What do you mean?”
“You didn’t come here knowing I’d be here?”
At those words, Eun-soo blinked rapidly a couple of times. Then, he let out a hollow laugh. When he had run into Do-kwon here, he too had wondered how Do-kwon had known he was here and come looking for him. It seemed Do-kwon had the same thought.
Eun-soo rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand as he answered.
“It was a coincidence. If I had known you were here, Do-kwon… I wouldn’t have come.”
“…….”
“I came because I was hungry. I didn’t want to cook, I didn’t want delivery, and I wanted to feed Bomi something delicious.”
Eun-soo spoke in a weak voice. Sweat clung to the back of his hand. It didn’t feel like it was from the heat; it felt like a cold sweat. It seemed the pain from pheromone shock was about to hit again.
He didn’t want to be curled up in a ball, groaning in pain on the subway. He had to get home quickly. He had a small portion of suppressants in one side of his wallet; if he took those, he could at least maintain the appearance of a functioning human being until he reached home.
“…….”
Do-kwon didn’t say a word. He simply stared down at Eun-soo intently. It felt as if he were trying to determine whether what Eun-soo was saying was truth or a lie.
Eun-soo let out a long sigh through his nose. He had never imagined a day would come when he would be treated like a liar by Do-kwon. He wondered how things had ended up like this.
“You might not remember, but you’re the one who told me about this place. It’s a place we used to visit often.”
“…….”
“It’s true that I came because I have fond memories of it… but I didn’t know you’d be here today.”
“…….”
“If I had known, why would I have come? What good would it have done me?”
Eun-soo smiled bitterly. The short sound of that laugh still seemed to scratch harshly at his ears. If he had known he would see such a sight—if he had known he would be treated like a liar and a stalker by Do-kwon—he would never have come here. He would have just stayed home, cooked some ramen, and wasted his time watching a boring movie.
“……Fine, then.”
Unexpectedly, Do-kwon backed down easily. Then, as if his business were finished, he turned his back.
Eun-soo bit his lower lip hard. Do-kwon was infuriating. Come to think of it, wasn’t he the one who should be angry right now, not Do-kwon?
How could you meet a woman already? After all the time we spent together. Even if it was two years for me and only two months for you. Still.
During those two months, you loved me. You looked at me with such tenderness. You treated me as if I were precious.
No matter how many misunderstandings there were, or how messily the relationship broke, there was no need to be laughing with someone else already. To be with that woman and treat me like a stalker.
I’m hurting. It feels like a lump of meat is stuck in my throat. The pheromone shock shows no sign of improving. I even burned my hand on a dish while stupidly peeking at that woman.
Why don’t you worry? How can you not even ask if I’m okay? Am I not even in your thoughts anymore? Do you love her?
Eun-soo grabbed the wrist of Do-kwon, who was just about to leave through the emergency exit. It was a weak grip, but fortunately, Do-kwon stopped. However, he didn’t bother to turn his head to look at Eun-soo.
Eun-soo licked his dry lips and spoke.
“That person… who is she?”
“What?”
“The person you came with.”
Eun-soo didn’t want to ask so pathetically either. But he couldn’t help it. He felt that if he didn’t ask, if he didn’t hear the answer, he would spend the entire night wide awake.
He was dying of curiosity. ‘Surely it’s not’ and ‘Is it real?’ clashed violently in his mind. His temples were throbbing.
“Ha….”
Do-kwon sneered. But Eun-soo didn’t mind that mockery anymore. His heart still ached, but he wasn’t at the point where he would collapse and sob uncontrollably.
“Is she your girlfriend? Is she also an O—Omega?”
Eun-soo urged him, shaking Do-kwon’s arm.
Answer me quickly. Say it’s not. Say it’s a misunderstanding. Say you haven’t forgotten me yet. If not, then just say you still hate Omegas, that you’re not interested. Tell me you have no intention of meeting one in the future. Just say that.
Looking at Eun-soo’s trembling pupils, Do-kwon furrowed his brows in displeasure.
“What are you going to do if she’s my girlfriend and an Omega?”
“…….”
At those words, Eun-soo shut his mouth tight. Right. Even if that person was Do-kwon’s new lover, what could he do? Go over and flip the table? By what right? Whether it ended a week ago or yesterday, Eun-soo was, in any case, an ex-lover to Do-kwon.
It wasn’t so for Eun-soo, but it was for Do-kwon, and typical lovers described such a relationship as being ‘over.’
Still, still… we weren’t typical lovers. We loved each other so passionately. How could you throw away that time and love like you’re throwing out trash?
As Eun-soo’s eyes began to well up, Do-kwon grabbed him by the collar and yanked him close. Ugh, Eun-soo tried to push Do-kwon’s hand away. But Do-kwon’s large, thick hand felt like a stone.
“Why? You can meet some other bastard, but I can’t?”
Do-kwon asked demandingly.
“What does that….”
Eun-soo asked back, his focus strangely blurred. Do-kwon’s sharp pheromones were slashing through him, making his mind grow hazy. This was not good. It might not be enough to make the pheromone shock more severe, but it would certainly put a strain on his body.
In the midst of that, he couldn’t understand what Do-kwon was saying. What did he mean, ‘you can, but I can’t’? Anyone listening would think Eun-soo had found a new lover.
As Eun-soo just stammered, his lips fluttering, Do-kwon let go of him in irritation. Eun-soo collapsed weakly to the floor. Do-kwon lightly covered his nose with the back of his hand. The scent of Eun-soo’s pheromones blooming in the air made his throat feel bitter.
“Cut it out, just cut it out. Huh? Don’t annoy me.”
Warning him in a voice full of irritation and nervousness, he left the emergency exit. The heavy steel door closed with a loud bang! that sounded like an explosion.
“…….”
Eun-soo stared blankly at the closed door. The sound of the door Do-kwon closed echoed, bouncing off the stairs above and below. Until that echo grew smaller and smaller, and finally vanished. Until the scent of Do-kwon remaining in the air scattered and disappeared.
Eun-soo just stayed there, curled up in the cold and empty emergency exit.
A few days ago, he had felt like he wanted to die a little.
Now, he just wanted to die.
If possible, right now,
As quickly as possible,
He wanted to die.
* * *
“Eun-soo.”
“…….”
“Eun-soo, you have to wake up. Hmm?”
A tender voice tickled his ear. Eun-soo groaned softly, rolling over to the side.
“Do-kwon… just a little longer… really just a little… 5 more minutes….”
Then, a faint sound of laughter was heard. Do-kwon’s amusement scattered softly over his cheek. The sound of that breath was so wonderful. Eun-soo felt himself slowly waking from a deep dream.
For the five minutes Eun-soo asked for, Do-kwon lay beside him, tenderly stroking his hair. Occasionally, he would press his lips firmly against Eun-soo’s cheek and neck before pulling away, or hug him tightly, blanket and all, inhaling Eun-soo’s scent.
Finally, five minutes passed. Do-kwon glanced at the clock and opened his mouth to wake Eun-soo, but—
“I’m awake.”
Eun-soo snapped his eyes open. The pouring love from Do-kwon was so sweet. It was sweeter than a dream, so he didn’t want to sleep anymore.
Eun-soo’s eyes, which had swallowed the morning sunlight, sparkled brightly. They looked like caramel, or perhaps a soft latte; they were mysterious every time he looked at them.
“…….”
Do-kwon lost himself for a moment, admiring Eun-soo. Eun-soo, lying face down on the bed, also admired Do-kwon.
Do-kwon in the early morning was fresh and vibrant beyond words. His skin, perhaps because he had just washed, glowed firmly with a light dampness, and the eyes looking at him were as vivid as a green apple. His full lips—
“Eun-soo.”
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
He spoke his love without reservation. Eun-soo smiled, his whole face crinkling. Then, cupping Do-kwon’s cheeks, he peppered his lips with kisses.
I like you too, Do-kwon.
I said I love you. Liking isn’t enough.
Ah, I love you, Do-kwon. I want to both like you and love you.
Pfft… don’t be so lovely from the morning. It makes me not want to go to work.
Should I ask your mother? To let you skip today?
I think she might listen if you’re the one asking, Eun-soo.
I’m joking. Still, you have to work.
…I wasn’t joking.
Now, get up. I’m hungry. What should we have for breakfast?
I went out and bought chicken ginseng soup earlier. I got plenty of kimchi too. I asked them to pack some pan-fried beef as well. I did good, right?
What… why are you only telling me now? Let’s go, quickly, quickly.
No. Give me one more kiss before you go.
Alright, alright. Ugh, you said a kiss! Get your hand off my butt, quickly!
The laughter of the two filled the bedroom noisily. Another Eun-soo was watching the scene from a distance. Even though he was just watching, the other Eun-soo couldn’t hide his smile.
Eun-soo stood there until the two of them burst into laughter for a long time and finally left the bedroom. He wanted to follow them, but his feet wouldn’t move.
Eun-soo twisted his body with all his might. He strained, putting strength into his hips and knees, but his body wouldn’t budge. Rather, he was being driven deeper and stronger into the ground.
It felt exactly like being stuck in a mudflat. The more he tried to pull himself out, the stronger the force tightening around his ankles became.
Eun-soo instinctively looked down. Then, he gasped, taking a sharp, heavy breath.
It was that man. The man who had mimicked Do-kwon at the hotel. Just like then, his face was blurred and hazy, so none of his features were visible, but he could recognize him by the rustling plastic clothes and his build. It was definitely that man.
The man’s large hand was gripping Eun-soo’s ankle as if to crush it. Sticky, cold fingers dug into the skin, rummaging through muscle and bone.
Eun-soo screamed with all his soul. But no sound came out. Do-kwon and Eun-soo were just outside the bedroom. He wanted them to help him. But as if surrounded by a glass wall, as if a ball were stuck in his throat, the sound would not travel outward. This was despite the fact that the laughter of Do-kwon and Eun-soo seeped in faintly from beyond the firmly closed bedroom door.
Eun-soo continued to scream. He flailed his arms. That was all he could do.
But such a futile resistance could not free him from the man. The man’s grip grew gradually stronger. Then, suddenly, a deep darkness began to spread from the man.
It quickly created a pit like a sewer. Terrified, Eun-soo screamed as if he were dying. But the pit grew larger and larger, eventually swallowing Eun-soo whole.
The man chuckled. Crushed by that fishy laughter and the sound of Do-kwon and Eun-soo laughing outside the bedroom, he plummeted straight down.
Into a very deep hole,
Continuing,
Continuing,
He fell.
“Haaah…!”
Eun-soo bolted upright, taking a deep breath. His entire body was drenched in sweat. His hair was damp, and his molars and jaw ached from how hard he had been clenching his teeth while sleeping.
Eun-soo breathed rapidly. His thin chest heaved busily, trying to keep up with the pace.
“It’s okay, it’s okay….”
It’s just a common nightmare. It was a dream. It’s just an illusion that has nothing to do with the real me. Burying his face in his palms, Eun-soo worked hard to steady his breathing.
“Bomi, Daddy’s okay. Daddy’s not scared at all….”
I’m really okay. That man is in prison, of all places. There’s no way I’ll ever meet him again. He can’t come find me and hurt me. It’s just a dream.
…But the part where he was with Do-kwon wasn’t a dream. It was something that happened every morning. Waking up in his arms, shaking off the sleepiness with his embrace, and greeting the morning together. There had been no need to dream of it, no need to miss it. Now, he could only reminisce through dreams like this.
Eun-soo let out a long, slow sigh.
Fear, dread, sadness, and longing. All sorts of negative emotions rushed to find Eun-soo. Some brushed past and returned doubled in size, while others clung to his spine, wrists, temples, or lungs, gnawing at him with sharp teeth.
It was an unbearable terror.
Having fought the darkness while curled up tight, Eun-soo could no longer stand it and got up. He threw on a coat, grabbed his wallet, and stepped out of the house. It was nearly 5 AM. The air, uncharacteristically chilly for summer, whipped against Eun-soo’s sweat-soaked body like a lash.
But Eun-soo walked the dawn path with his lips pressed tight.
Beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep.
Beeeeeep—
Beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep.
Beeeeeep— Beeeeeep—
The unpleasant electronic sound of the door lock rang sharply through the wide hallway. Even so, Eun-soo didn’t give up and continued to press the numbers. He knew the password had changed, but he pressed the old numbers again and again.
Despite the continued assault, the door didn’t budge. The black front door looked down at Eun-soo, warning him to go home since it had no intention of opening.
Eun-soo slammed his forehead against the door. His hot forehead seemed to cool lukewarmly against the cold door. After catching his breath for a moment, he pressed the numbers again.
How long did he torment the door lock like that? Unable to withstand the persistent touch, it began to wail weeeeng, weeeeng, weeeeng in a bright red light, as if its throat were tearing. Then, it stopped responding to Eun-soo’s hand.
“Ah… fuck….”
Eun-soo bumped his head against the door and muttered a curse under his breath.
I came all this way, I did all this. Just open, please. Huh? With that feeling, he tapped the already broken door lock—tap, tap-tap, tap. He knew it wouldn’t open just because of that, but Eun-soo had already lost his reason.
It was then. A clack sound was heard from the inside, and the door lock sound stopped abruptly. Then, the front door, which had held out like an iron fortress, began to open.
Eun-soo stepped aside and stared intently at the gap as the door opened. Then, the moment the door was halfway open—
“Yoo Eun-soo, are you cra—”
He lunged headfirst into the arms of the person who opened the door.
Startled by the sudden charge, Do-kwon froze, unable to push Eun-soo away. Sunday morning. 5:30 AM. No matter how early Do-kwon woke up, this was a time when he would have been asleep.
But the door lock had been screaming so crazily that there was no way he could stay asleep. He had come down to the living room, looked at the intercom screen, and let out a hollow laugh of disbelief. Because Eun-soo, looking like a madman, had his head pressed against the front door.
Did he drink? While pregnant? Or did his heat cycle come again? Whatever it was, he intended to severely scold this rude and outrageous behavior.
But he didn’t expect to be embraced by a body as hot as a fireball.
“You….”
“Do-kwon… I’m sorry… I’m sorry for coming here….”
“Let go.”
“Just a moment. Just a moment, I’ll leave after staying like this for just 5 minutes. Really just a little, just 5 minutes….”
Eun-soo hugged Do-kwon’s waist with all his might. He buried his nose in the broad, firm chest and rubbed his face against it.
Do-kwon tried to pull Eun-soo away in irritation. But suddenly,
‘Eun-soo.’
‘…….’
‘Eun-soo, you have to wake up. Hmm?’
‘Do-kwon… just a little longer… really just a little… 5 more minutes….’
A fragment of a memory pierced through Do-kwon’s brain. Do-kwon let out a short groan. His vision spun, and an unfamiliar bed and the soft morning sunlight remained in his sight like an afterimage. Do-kwon shook his head violently. Even so, the thing—whether it was a memory or an illusion—would not disappear. A pain that felt like his entire skull was being crushed came as a bonus.
Dizziness arose from the piercing pain. His large body swayed. The front door he was holding slipped from his hand and closed with a clank on its own.
Completely unaware of this, Eun-soo hugged Do-kwon tightly and spoke in a trembling voice.
“I had a nightmare, a nightmare… I was so scared I couldn’t stay at home. I kept feeling suffocated, my stomach hurt, my wrists felt itchy… But you were the only one I could think of… I thought I’d be okay if I just stayed like this for a moment… so I came….”
At Eun-soo’s streaming, wet voice, the furrow in Do-kwon’s brow deepened. His eyeballs, nostrils, ear canals, and airway burned. It felt as if blood were flowing backward and pouring out of those openings.
Do-kwon gripped the wall tightly. Blue veins bulged across the back of his broad hand. He grabbed Eun-soo by the scruff of the neck and shoved him back, as if peeling off a leech.
“Yoo Eun-soo.”
“Hng… yes…”
“Please…”
“Yes?”
Do-kwon pleaded in a suppressed voice. Seeing his face belatedly, Eun-soo’s eyes widened. Do-kwon’s pale, drained complexion looked ominous. He looked like someone trapped in ice. He looked like a corpse, devoid of any color as if his blood had frozen solid. Startled, Eun-soo tried to reach out to touch Do-kwon’s cheek, but—
“Do-kwon, your face is…”
“Please… just get the fuck out.”
“…”
“Huh? Please. I’m asking you.”
Do-kwon heartlessly brushed Eun-soo’s hand away. Then, he crumpled his face, expressing his agony. Eun-soo stared blankly at him. His empty pupils couldn’t have been more void, but after a few seconds, a transparent film began to shimmer violently. That film clumped together and then plummeted to the floor in droplets.
Eun-soo clenched his fists. He squeezed so hard that his blunt nails dug into his palms. Then, he looked at Do-kwon as if glaring at him.
“Hug me for five minutes—no, ten minutes.”
“What?”
“I said hug me. You can at least do that much.”
Unlike before, Eun-soo’s voice was calm. Yet, tears continued to fall, drip by drip. Do-kwon ran a hand through his hair in irritation.
“Ha… what on earth are you thinking…”
“If you hug me, I’ll… never come looking for you again.”
Lowering his gaze slightly, Eun-soo spoke in a damp, choked voice.
“I won’t act pathetic anymore.”
“…”
“Even if we run into each other, I’ll pretend I don’t know you.”
“…”
“Let’s… let’s just be strangers.”
Eun-soo had come here today to discard Do-kwon. In truth, he still wanted to cling to him, resent him, grieve, and beg him to come back, but he knew all too well that it was impossible because of everything Do-kwon had said and done to him.
Eun-soo decided to choose the future over the past. As Seong-heon had said, even if Do-kwon’s memories returned later, there was no certainty that the situation would change, and since that timeframe was absurdly broad, he couldn’t just wait blindly.
Eun-soo wanted to stop hurting now. He realized through this experience that one could even get tired of crying. When his parents passed away, the hollow loneliness had been greater. But feeling this piercingly wronged, and hurting so much that his body trembled even while standing still, was a first in his life, and it was hard to handle.
Since it had come to this, since things had reached this point, he had to settle it.
He had wondered if he could ever get over his parents, but as time passed, he did. It wouldn’t be easy with Do-kwon, but eventually, he would settle it too. He decided to believe that.
“…”
Do-kwon just stared at Eun-soo with his mouth shut tight. Eun-soo interpreted this as a yes. In truth, even if Do-kwon had pushed him away in horror, he would have forced his way in regardless.
Eun-soo slowly approached Do-kwon. He wrapped his arms around Do-kwon’s waist and buried his cheek in his chest.
But for some reason… it felt foreign. He hadn’t noticed earlier because he was so flustered, but Do-kwon’s body felt strangely different from usual.
An excessively hot body temperature. Pheromones pounding against his entire body. His crumpled face. Suppressed breathing. Bloodshot, pinkish eyes.
Eun-soo blinked rapidly. What was today’s date? Today was… As he organized his thoughts, Eun-soo’s shoulders stiffened. He then hesitantly pulled away from Do-kwon’s embrace.
“You’re… in rut.”
Do-kwon blew air through his bangs. That was right. Do-kwon was in rut. That was why he had planned to take sleeping pills and sleep the whole day away.
But Eun-soo had appeared. His body had already been throbbing, but with Eun-soo’s uncontained pheromones, a splitting headache, and now this situation—he was on the verge of going insane.
“Whew… now that you know, get out.”
Do-kwon personally opened the front door for him. However, far from heading for the door, Eun-soo kicked off his sneakers and rushed urgently into the house. While Do-kwon was momentarily dazed by his unexpected behavior, Eun-soo quickly passed through the hallway and reached the living room.
Do-kwon in rut. Do-kwon at home. Do-kwon telling him to get lost.
He was terrified that perhaps, just perhaps, that woman—the short-haired woman he had seen at the restaurant—was here.
Fortunately, the living room was empty. But in this large house, there were plenty of places to be. He had to check everything. The bedroom. He had to go to the bedroom too. If she had come to spend Do-kwon’s rut with him, there was a high probability she would be there.
As Eun-soo tried to head toward the bedroom, Do-kwon suddenly grabbed his elbow. He growled in a low voice.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Coming here at 5 AM, pressing the door lock as if trying to break it, and now trying to search the house—Eun-soo was incredibly unpleasant. As Do-kwon tried to drag Eun-soo out of the house, Eun-soo instead grabbed Do-kwon’s wrist.
“You’re not… you’re not planning to sleep with that person… that woman who was sitting in front of you at the restaurant, are you?”
“What?”
“Is she here? Is she here? Were you together?”
Eun-soo’s tears, which had paused for a moment, began to fall in streams again. Do-kwon gaped meaninglessly at the completely unexpected words. While wondering how he could think such a thing, he simultaneously thought that it was possible.
Do-kwon clenched his teeth. Then, he spoke the truth in a relatively gentle tone.
“There’s no one here.”
“…”
Eun-soo stared intently at Do-kwon, as if trying to determine whether his words were a lie or the truth. Do-kwon met his gaze without flinching. However, it wasn’t very effective. Eun-soo whipped around.
“I—I have to check for myself…”
At that moment, a crimson flame erupted in Do-kwon’s eyes. He gripped Eun-soo’s forearm violently and yelled.
“You fucking—why the hell are you being so reckless!”
Eun-soo’s body flinched and convulsed at the sound that echoed through the house.
Eun-soo froze on the spot, without breathing or moving a muscle. Only the tears falling from his wide-open pupils were moving diligently.
Do-kwon rubbed his face harshly with one hand, letting out a groan mixed with a curse, “Ugh… fuck…” His mind was already flickering because of the rut, and he was on the verge of losing his reason because of Eun-soo, who was arbitrarily poking and stirring up his body and mind.
Then, Eun-soo fearlessly took a step closer. Looking up at Do-kwon with a desolate gaze, he parted his lips.
“Do it… do it with me.”
“What?”
“You have to have sex anyway. So do it with me. Don’t do it with someone else, do it with me.”
“…”
Do-kwon could feel poignantly what it meant to be speechless. Eun-soo was strange. He was acting as if half of his brain had disappeared.
“Haa… forget it. I took medicine.”
Do-kwon ruffled his hair messily. He felt foul, as if he had been forced to look into every broken and crumbled piece of Eun-soo.
But Eun-soo did not back down easily. He even took another step forward. Now, their breaths were brushing against the bridges of their noses.
“I know the medicine doesn’t work because you’re a Dominant Alpha.”
I’ve spent several ruts with you. How could I not know that? Eun-soo spoke in a flat voice. Do-kwon looked down at Eun-soo in irritation.
“I. Said. I took. Medicine. You’re in pheromone shock, yet you’re this fearless…”
At those words, Eun-soo’s mouth snapped shut. His eyes, caught in a storm, fluttered helplessly.
He knows… that I’m in pheromone shock? How? Since when? Then, knowing that I was hurting, did he treat me so cruelly? Pouring out verbal abuse, coldly ignoring me, grabbing me by the collar, and treating me like a stalker?
…No, no. He came here to end everything anyway, so what did it matter? It didn’t matter at all what he knew.
With a face like wax, Eun-soo slid his hand inside Do-kwon’s top.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, so let’s have sex, with me.”
Do-kwon stepped back with a look of utter astonishment. But Eun-soo quickly caught up. Do-kwon gripped Eun-soo’s wrist as if to break it and thrust his head in front of Eun-soo’s face.
“Are you crazy?”
But Eun-soo was not to be outdone. Glaring at Do-kwon with wide eyes, he spat out the words as if crushing them.
“Yes. I am crazy! Do I look sane, coming here at this hour in this state?”
“…”
Do-kwon was lost for words again. Not only was this the first time he had seen Eun-soo like this, but he had never even imagined it. Thus, he couldn’t judge what to do or how to react.
As Do-kwon just stared without saying anything, Eun-soo’s bloodshot eyes widened further.
“Why aren’t you answering? I said let’s sleep. Let’s have sex…!”
“Hey.”
“What!”
Useless childishness flew back and forth. Do-kwon let out a faint sigh and tried to push Eun-soo away, but Eun-soo stubbornly tried to strip Do-kwon’s clothes. Do-kwon easily blocked and brushed away Eun-soo’s hands. Gritting his teeth, Eun-soo lunged at Do-kwon like a dog in heat. But once again, he was ruthlessly blocked by Do-kwon’s hand.
Eun-soo let out ragged, angry breaths. Then, suddenly, he stomped his feet and screamed.
“You fucker! I said I’d leave if we slept together once! It’s not even hard for you! You can just pin me to the floor and ram it in! Just like… just like you did back then. Tie my hands, cover my mouth, just do it like that!”
“Yoo Eun-soo!”
Do-kwon tried to cover Eun-soo’s mouth. Eun-soo resisted, twisting his head violently.
“This time, I’ll spread my legs for you myself! Do you still hate it? Why? Why do you hate it?”
“You really…”
“Am I dirty? Are you afraid I’ll pass on a disease? Then I’ll do it with my mouth. Huh? Let’s do it. Let’s do it, please…”
Eun-soo, who had been screaming, slid down to the floor. Then, he scratched at the pants hanging from Do-kwon’s waist with his blunt nails. Shedding tears, his already white face turned as pale as a ghost, and even then, leaking uncontained pheromones, he pleaded with Do-kwon.
Do-kwon felt his vision turn as red as flames. With trembling hands, he gripped Eun-soo’s chin.
“Fine, fuck it. Let’s do it. Let’s.”
Do-kwon’s scent was everywhere. It was a pheromone completely different from usual. It was much thicker and denser. If it were visible like fog, it would be so murky and distinct that he wouldn’t be able to see his own limbs.
Thus, every time Eun-soo took a breath, he felt as if chunks of his brain were falling away. He could clearly feel himself falling into a pit of pleasure; it felt so good, so devoid of reality, and so full of languid ecstasy that he could only let out a string of moans.
“Ah, hng, hng… it’s, it feels good… Ahh!”
Eun-soo twisted his waist and let out a moan like a scream. The member filling him heavily from behind felt excessively good. The thick volume that stretched the folds of his hole tight, the glans that crushed the sensitive spot, the power that pierced deep into his stomach—every single thing was perfect.
Then, the moment Do-kwon’s length scraped long across his prostate, Eun-soo bit his lip and ejaculated. His member twitched, spilling white fluid. His eyelashes shot toward the ceiling, and his thighs trembled in convulsions.
Do-kwon gripped Eun-soo’s shoulders and pelvis and drove his member deep inside. This was because he knew from numerous experiences how ecstatic the hole felt when it tightened as if squeezing the member the moment of ejaculation.
“Wait, hng, just… a moment…”
Eun-soo urgently tried to push Do-kwon away. However, his muscles, melted by pleasure, had no strength. Do-kwon lightly pinned Eun-soo’s hands above his head and began to move his hips with deep, rhythmic thrusts.
“Ah! Ahhh…”
Tears flowed helplessly from the corners of Eun-soo’s wide-open eyes.
“Haa… Yoo Eun-soo.”
Do-kwon leaned down and licked them with his tongue. While doing so, he gripped Eun-soo’s buttocks and pulled him toward himself. Soft thighs were crushed against Do-kwon’s pelvis, and the penetration grew deeper.
Eun-soo closed his eyes tight and struggled. But Do-kwon neither let go of his hands nor withdrew his member. He only looked up languidly, feeling the hole contract, drenched in pleasure.
It was sex where not a single person was sane. There were only an Alpha and an Omega, like beasts, shaking their bodies, intoxicated by each other’s pheromones.
The intercourse continued after that. Their lower halves were messy with all sorts of fluids. Every time their bodies clung together and pulled apart, a lewd, squelching sound echoed.
“Kgh…”
Do-kwon gripped Eun-soo’s pelvis tightly and ejaculated inside him. The condom swelled fully.
“Aaa…”
Feeling Do-kwon’s already large member grow even larger, Eun-soo curled his knees and trembled.
Even after ejaculating, Do-kwon enjoyed the afterglow, slowly sliding his member in and out. He leaned down and buried his nose in the nape of Eun-soo’s neck, inhaling deeply. Occasionally, as if that weren’t enough, he flattened his tongue and licked the neckline and jaw entirely.
“Ahng, ng, hng…”
Eun-soo scratched down Do-kwon’s forearm gently. The feeling of the tightly swollen condom scraping the inner walls was so foreign that he unconsciously tightened his buttocks. The hole naturally closed. At that, a shallow crease formed above Do-kwon’s eyebrows.
Running a large hand through his bangs, Do-kwon pulled his member out. He quickly stripped off the condom, which was soft and full of semen. With skillful movements, he tied a knot at the end of the condom, but the amount of ejaculated semen was so great that it leaked out the sides.
Eun-soo watched it with hazy eyes. For some reason, he felt a sense of regret.
Today, Do-kwon had not ejaculated inside Eun-soo once. Whether it was because he feared Eun-soo might faint from pheromone shock, because he didn’t want to mix anything more than sex, or because he was cautious that Eun-soo might actually be ill, he couldn’t tell.
Do-kwon tossed the heavy, sagging condom into the bedroom trash can. Three condoms had already gone into that bin. Yet, Do-kwon took out a new condom and rolled it over his member.
Watching Do-kwon’s massive member enter the thin, small condom, Eun-soo swallowed hard. It was a sea he had prepared for. Do-kwon in rut was so potent and aggressive that it was hard to take. At shortest, a day; at longest, there were times they hadn’t left the bed for two whole days.
Eun-soo shakily pushed himself up. Then, he flipped his body over and stood on his knees. With his buttocks pushed toward Do-kwon, he waited for the intercourse to begin again.
Looking down, he saw his own member, which no longer had the strength to erect, dripping transparent pre-cum.
He also saw his slightly swollen belly, but he tried his best to ignore it. This act was of no benefit to Bomi.
It was all his own greed. It was his own stubbornness, a situation staged by his own desperation. But since it was the last time. Since it was truly the last time. Since it ended today. Since he would live sanely starting tomorrow. He would. It would be okay. He could handle anything.
It was just as Eun-soo let out a long sigh and buried his forehead in the damp sheet. Something touched the opening of his hole. But it wasn’t Do-kwon’s member. It was as hard, but smaller in volume. It was likely a finger.
Do-kwon’s index finger rubbed against the twitching folds. His thumb scratched the smooth perineum with a nail.
Startled, Eun-soo quickly looked back.
“Why, why…”
“You’re dry back here.”
Do-kwon answered indifferently and inserted his index finger into the hole. It wasn’t a huge stimulus. He had already taken Do-kwon’s member for several hours; a finger was nothing.
But the movement was the problem. The fingertip, which dug relentlessly deep into the inner wall, began to press against the prostate. He obsessively rubbed and scratched that spot, which was more prominent than the other walls.
Eun-soo’s waist surged violently up and down. A sharp pleasure pierced through his spine. His lower abdomen tingled as if he had the urge to urinate.
“Aang, ah! I don’t like that, hng!”
Eun-soo tried to flee forward. However, it failed because Do-kwon gathered and held both of his thighs.
Having firmly bound Eun-soo, Do-kwon began to play with his finger as he pleased. Watching the hole twitch, open slightly, and then tighten, he slid his finger in and out rapidly. He scratched the perineum or kneaded the soft, pouch-like testicles. He opened his mouth wide to bite or lick the soft, round buttocks.
“Hee-it, ngh, ah! Stop, stop….”
His hole became drenched in an instant. His genitalia, which had been limp, suddenly stood erect. His entire body, which had been chilled, flared up with intense heat in a heartbeat. The muscles in his thighs twitched and convulsed.
Do-kwon played with Eun-soo’s hole until he was satisfied. Only when lubrication began to leak out in surges did he withdraw his fingers.
Soon, his thick member aligned against the folds. As if pleading for him to hurry and stir his insides, Eun-soo pressed his hips against Do-kwon’s pelvis. As if responding, Do-kwon thrust powerfully through the inner walls.
The sex, which had begun in the early hours of the dawn, continued until a deep red sunset surged outside the window.
Do-kwon’s hair was damp with sweat. He was as soaked as if he had been standing under a shower. Sweat flowing down his neck drenched his hollow collarbones and firm chest, making them glisten.
Eun-soo watched this with hazy eyes. The sweat sliding down the smooth skin looked incredibly sweet and refreshing.
Having been unable to swallow a single drop of water for a long time, only vomiting semen several times, Eun-soo was suffering from a harsh thirst. Thus, the sweat flowing down Do-kwon’s thick, hard neck looked very, very tempting.
With trembling hands, Eun-soo gripped Do-kwon’s elbow. Then, little by little, he moved his hand upward. Past the hard, thick forearm, past the rounded shoulder, he finally reached his neck.
Just then, a single bead of sweat slid down the smooth skin. Eun-soo wiped it away with his index finger. Then, fearing it might fall, he quickly brought it to his mouth.
At Eun-soo’s random action, Do-kwon, who had been moving busily, came to a dead stop. He looked down silently at Eun-soo. A red tongue licked the index finger suggestively. Do-kwon twisted his lips in dissatisfaction. He found it quite displeasing that Eun-soo was sucking on a finger while he was right in front of him.
Then, Eun-soo reached out again and gently stroked Do-kwon’s furrowed brow, as if scolding him not to frown.
Strangely, Do-kwon’s expression softened helplessly. In response, Eun-soo affectionately stroked Do-kwon’s cheek as if praising him. As Do-kwon wrapped his hand around Eun-soo’s,
“Do-kwon… I’m… thirsty…”
Eun-soo murmured with parched, dry lips. Do-kwon stiffened. He pondered for a moment. He was likely conflicted over whether to grant Eun-soo’s request or simply ignore it. Then, he slowly withdrew his member.
“Hng…”
Eun-soo let out a faint moan. Soon, with a sound like a soap bubble bursting, Do-kwon’s member completely slid out. Do-kwon picked up a bottle of water from the nightstand. It was the water he had drunk while taking his rut suppressant last night.
Do-kwon held it out to Eun-soo. However, Eun-soo, sprawled across the bed, slowly shook his head.
“Not that…”
“…”
“Can’t you kiss me?”
Hazy, disheveled eyes gazed at Do-kwon. Do-kwon’s mouth pressed into a firm line. Eun-soo struggled to lift his arms, which felt as if the muscles had melted, and reached toward Do-kwon. As if begging for life, or pleading to be saved.
“It’s… the last time.”
“…”
At those words, Do-kwon’s Adam’s apple moved heavily up and down. After maintaining silence for a while, Do-kwon opened the bottle and filled his mouth with lukewarm water. Then, he climbed onto the bed, cupped the back of Eun-soo’s head, and slowly lowered his face.
Yes. He thought that since it was the last time, as he said, why not.
Soon, their lips met. In a sexual encounter that had lasted over half a day, this was the first time their lips had overlapped.
As if he had been waiting, Eun-soo parted his lips. Do-kwon poured the water into that gap. Eun-soo swallowed it diligently, gulp after gulp. And the moment all the water disappeared into Eun-soo’s mouth, Do-kwon slid his tongue inside.
Eun-soo wrapped his arms around Do-kwon’s neck in a full embrace. The kiss deepened. Eun-soo diligently sucked on Do-kwon’s tongue and saliva that stirred inside his mouth. He swallowed it more desperately and fiercely than the water that had moistened his dry throat. Indeed, Do-kwon’s saliva felt more refreshing than the water.
The two mixed their lips passionately.
Just as they had in the past. Like those times when they stroked each other wildly, shifted their waists to press their bodies closer, and occasionally locked eyes. Like those times when they whispered love without cease and shared the same emotions.
Like then…
Recalling a past that was distant yet not so distant, Eun-soo wore a faint smile. Even then, tears flowed silently down the corners of his eyes.
The pale light of dawn surged outside the window. It seemed the sun was rising. Eun-soo, who had been lying crumpled on one side of the bed, slowly pushed himself up. He had to go home. He had to take his suppressant, wash up, and prepare for work.
Eun-soo looked at Do-kwon beside him. Do-kwon was leaning against the headboard with a cigarette in his mouth. Whether out of consideration or just a random act, the tip of the cigarette was not lit.
A desolate air floated over the bedroom. After mixing their bodies so passionately, the sight of them sitting far apart, looking in different directions, was utterly pathetic.
With a faint, mocking smile, Eun-soo lowered his feet to the floor.
“Hng…”
His body was a mess. Since he hadn’t been forced to take Do-kwon as he had last time, there wasn’t one or two spots that hurt exceptionally, but he was excessively tired. It was only natural, having shaken his body for twenty-four hours straight without a wink of sleep.
Stroking his thin shoulders, Eun-soo slowly stood up. He then picked up and put on the clothes scattered across the floor. He put on his underwear, pants, and a top. His body, which had been soaked in sweat and then dried, felt sticky, but he didn’t want to wash here, in Do-kwon’s house. He wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
Before his heart changed.
Do-kwon didn’t give Eun-soo a single glance. It was as if he were urging Eun-soo to get lost quickly.
Finally, Eun-soo finished preparing to leave, putting on his coat. Around then, Do-kwon finally looked at Eun-soo. Eun-soo, who was about to leave the bedroom, stopped abruptly.
“…”
“…”
Their gazes met through the gaps filled with the blue dawn light. Without avoiding his eyes, Do-kwon reached for the lighter on the nightstand. It seemed he intended to light the cigarette he had been holding.
Then, Eun-soo limped toward Do-kwon. One of Do-kwon’s eyebrows arched. Regardless, Eun-soo sat down, pressing his hips against the edge of the bed.
“I have something to say.”
“What is it?”
“It’s not that I have something to say to you, but to the Do-kwon from before the accident, before you lost your memory.”
It was a strange thing to say. It sounded as if he believed another person lived inside Do-kwon. As Do-kwon narrowed his eyes, Eun-soo looked at him with a smirk.
“I know I’m crazy. But it’s something I really want to say, so will you just listen, as if a dog is barking?”
“…”
Do-kwon said nothing. Seeing as he didn’t tell him to stop talking nonsense and get out immediately, it was likely a silent permission. Eun-soo let out a short, heavy sigh. Then, he looked quietly at Do-kwon.
He felt it every time he saw him, but he had a truly handsome face. In particular, the deep eyes and high bridge of his nose were incredibly cool. He liked the prominent brow bone, and he truly loved the beautifully colored lips.
When was the last time he had faced that handsome face and smiled? Strictly speaking, it hadn’t been that long. Yet it felt like an eternity.
“Since I met you, Do-kwon, loving you was never hard. You were always kind, perfect, and a wonderful partner.”
“…”
“But lately, it’s been hard. I thought I could endure it, that I just had to hold on until your memories returned, but…”
“…”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t endure it.”
Though there was a listener, a series of sentences that were essentially monologues followed. It was so bittersweet. Eun-soo rubbed his eyelids with the back of his hand. His eyes, raw from shedding tears throughout the sex, stung, but he rubbed them vigorously regardless.
“Do-kwon.”
“…”
“I’m so… so hurt.”
Eun-soo spoke in a voice that flowed, damp and choked.
To me, you are still my whole world. You were my love, my partner, my friend, and my mate. But to you, I’m just a person of two months, nothing more than an Omega you had a fun little dating game with, and that’s just so, so…
“Hng… it’s so hard. It’s overwhelming. Sometimes it’s even horrific. To the point where, even with Bomi in my womb, I think about wanting to die several times a day.”
Tears streamed down Eun-soo’s cheeks. Eun-soo wiped them away, rubbing his face with both hands as if scratching it. It felt as if his heart were breaking. A piercing pain, as if his internal organs were being torn apart, coursed through his entire body.
Once this moment passed, once he let go of Do-kwon, whom he had been desperately clinging to, he would truly be completely alone.
He tried to comfort himself, saying it would be okay, that it was just like going back to two years ago, and that in a few months, he would be able to hold Bomi in his arms, but it wasn’t very effective.
Eun-soo took a deep breath and exhaled, steadying his breathing. Then, he continued in a voice that tried to be calm.
“If, if you happen to find your memories later, please don’t regret it.”
“…What?”
Do-kwon’s eyes distorted. Eun-soo quickly added.
“I’m not being sarcastic; I mean it.”
“…”
“I’m the one… I’m the one who abandoned you, Do-kwon.”
To Do-kwon, these words must have sounded utterly trivial. From his perspective, Eun-soo was nothing more than a shameless Omega who had slept with someone else while having a partner. Still, he was simply grateful that Do-kwon didn’t interrupt him.
“So, live well. Bury it all as memories, as things of the past.”
“…”
“I’ll do the same. I’ll try.”
Eun-soo once again wiped away the tears that had drenched his cheeks. Then, he looked at Do-kwon and gave a bright smile.
He didn’t want to spend their end with a crying face. Because the time he spent with him had been truly happy. Even if he recalled it later. Whether he recalled it because he couldn’t forget, or by chance, or occasionally. He didn’t want to cry like this. He had to smile, at least for the end.
Eun-soo slowly stood up. He braced himself with both hands on the bed, leaned over, and pressed his lips firmly against Do-kwon’s cheek. He kissed him very reverently, as if a fairy were sharing life, or as if placing a period at the end of a long story.
After staying like that for a few seconds, Eun-soo slowly pulled back.
“I really… I really loved you a lot, Do-kwon.”
Do-kwon flinched the moment their lips touched, but he did not push Eun-soo away. Seeing this, Eun-soo reconstructed a fragile smile.
“Thank you for being my world for two years. Thanks to you, I was happy.”
“…”
“Goodbye.”
Having delivered the farewell plainly, Eun-soo straightened his back. Then, he staggered toward the bedroom door.
As he opened the door and stepped outside, he stopped. It was because a lingering attachment, wanting to take in Do-kwon’s image one last time, gripped his ankles.
However, Eun-soo did not look back.
With an expressionless face, he closed the door, limped down the stairs, put on his shoes, and left Do-kwon’s house. And only after taking the elevator, after the doors closed, and after he was trapped alone in the narrow space,
“Huuuugh…”
Was he finally able to let the tears fall.
Entrusting his body to the descending elevator, Eun-soo plummeted downward along with it.
The faint scent of Do-kwon remaining on his empty hands, the chilly air surrounding him, and the elevator that felt as narrow as a coffin—it all hurt too much.
He missed Do-kwon. Not the Do-kwon he had just parted from, but the Do-kwon from before the car accident. He missed the man who had loved him as much as he loved him.
‘Eun-soo.’
The Do-kwon who always called him tenderly.
‘I miss you.’
The Do-kwon who held him tight in his arms and whispered love.
‘Eun-soo.’
The Do-kwon whom he could no longer see because he had declared their parting today.
‘I love you.’
He missed him so much.
Eun-soo’s desolate sobbing filled the elevator.
* * *