#186

Suddenly, the surroundings change into a room covered in white tiles.

House Lizard looked at the white gown he was wearing and let out a smirk.

“Oh dear. I may be a doctor, but I’m not a medical doctor.”

The moment I thought the tiled floor felt cold, a pair of slippers caught my eye.

It didn’t feel like they had suddenly appeared, but rather like I had only just noticed they were already there.

I slid my feet into the slippers.

The sensation of the plastic slippers—seamless, as if molded and joined together—felt both strange and familiar.

‘Where am I right now?’

“You still exist in the Dark Realm as a ‘player.’”

Even though I hadn’t spoken aloud, his habit of listening and answering arbitrarily remained.

“Then am I in a state of dreaming, cut off from the outside world like someone in a vegetative state?”

“That is not the case. If you were completely severed, I would not be able to converse with you.”

“…My subconscious might have just invented you. If this moment is inside my dream.”

“I can prove that hypothesis wrong by answering things you do not know,” House Lizard said with a smiling face.

In truth, even before hearing that answer, I knew he was real.

And that here, I could truly hear about the ‘Ultimate Answer.’

‘…I feel like I’m standing on a cliff, preparing to jump.’

Once you know, there is no coming back.

You cannot return.

“What happens once I confirm the Ultimate Answer?”

“Literally, you become free. No one will be able to play with you like a toy. Truth will lead you to a height where the Othergods will look like foolish, insignificant creatures.”

House Lizard opened his hand, and a key rested upon it.

It was a silver metal key, the kind a locksmith could easily duplicate, with the word ‘Ultimate’ written on it in marker.

Suddenly, the tension deflated a bit.

A cheap metal key and a steel front door painted gray.

How should I put this… rather than a door to truth…

‘It looks like a house front door.’

Well, this is likely due to my own lack of imagination rather than a problem with House Lizard.

Even if it had been a golden key studded with jewels, it would have felt like a prop from an escape room to me.

“If I go out there, can I come back?”

“You won’t feel the desire to return.”

“…There’s something I left behind.”

“Is that important?”

It is important.

If I leave alone like this, what about Pandemonium?

‘His mental state must be a wreck right now.’

He’s just left with the unresponsive physical body of ‘Fabio.’

What if he mistakenly thinks I’m trapped inside it?

“He must realize that on his own as well.”

“…He’s too stupid; I think that’ll be difficult for him.”

“Your presence wouldn’t be of help. Rather, the thought that he must find where you went is more likely to lead him here.”

I don’t know.

Is that so?

“Alternatively, like me, leave a new version of yourself behind. Leave a ‘Fabio’ who exists for Pandemonium by your side, and then you depart. That would be reassuring, wouldn’t it?”

I frowned.

Suddenly, I wondered what the identity of the thing before me actually was.

“…Where is the real House Lizard?”

“Asking ‘where’ is not accurate. He is no longer bound by such things.”

“I asked where he is.”

“If I must describe his location, he has headed to a place where no one can find him. A place that neither the System nor the Othergods dare reach.”

“…If I open that door, can I meet the real House Lizard?”

“No. I said it is a place where no one can find him. You cannot bother him either. If you meet a ‘real’ House Lizard, that is a fake you created. Would it be easier to understand if I put it this way?”

“No matter what I do, I can’t meet him?”

“Yes, that is correct. Of course, if you wish to converse with the ‘real’ House Lizard, I can reproduce his conversation patterns. Do you wish to speak with the House Lizard from the point before he realized the true answer?”

Suddenly, I felt an uneasy sensation.

A place where no one can meet, and where there is nothing?

Usually, things like that are…

“Do not be afraid, Fabio.”

“…Why don’t you cross over into there?”

“I exist to help you.”

“Tell me. What is the difference between Annihilation and enlightenment?”

Instead of answering, House Lizard smiled.

It was ominous and chilling.

It was an expression that no living being could wear.

Suddenly, an indescribable terror washed over me.

“…I want to go back.”

“You cannot go back now.”

The tiles, the white walls, began to crumble.

Only then did I realize the air in this space was thin.

I was suffocating.

Even as I gasped, oxygen was not being supplied sufficiently.

The most instinctive fear of an organism—the fear of suffocation—engulfed my entire body.

Trembling, I screamed.

“System! System!”

“Ignore the unnecessary pain. Fear is the most cliché tactic they use. You can exist without breathing. The sensation of suffocating is not real.”

The more I understood what that thing was saying, the further I drifted from reality.

I would never be able to return.

I covered my ears so I wouldn’t have to hear anymore.

“Aaaagh!”

“…You have no ears. I do not create sound by vibrating the air. There is no longer a need for that.”

“Stop! Stop it!”

“It is as if you have already understood the Ultimate Answer. You must not stop thinking. You already know. The answer the System tries so hard to erase is—”

Suddenly, as if muted, House Lizard’s voice vanished.

I slowly lowered the hands that had been covering my ears.

The door had disappeared, and House Lizard was wearing a troubled expression.

‘…What happened?’

Was it the System?

Did the ‘cleaning process’ ignore the conflict and come to erase him?

“No, ‘Fabio.’ You chose this,” House Lizard said with a hint of regret.

“Just one step… You chose to wander forever as a stranger in an alien land, leaving behind a home you could return to simply by clicking the heels of your shoes three times.”

“…The Wizard of Oz was a fraud.”

“You only remember half the story. In truth, I like the Wizard of Oz more than the Witch of the South. Because he was a fraud, he was able to leave that world. Is that not truly wise?”

I stood up, staggering.

I faintly smelled the scent of burning dry firewood.

‘Where is this?’

It was a familiar space.

The home of Antonio the Bell ringer.

House Lizard was fiddling with the chair where Antonio always sat.

“Knitting, is it? Did you know that punch cards (paper expressing data by punching holes) were first used in looms?”

Who cares.

I flopped down into the opposite chair.

It felt as if I had entered the house while Antonio had stepped away for a moment.

“What do you mean by ‘being a fraud allows one to leave’?”

“Imagine if the Wizard of Oz were regarded as a master and spiritual guide who provided true enlightenment. No matter how long he taught people, the number of those seeking learning would only increase. With so many hands clinging to him, the hot air balloon would never lift off, and poor Oz would never escape that land even in death. The fragments of bone he left behind would be adorned with gold and jewels, regarded as the most precious Sacred Relics in the world, and countless people would bleed just to obtain a bone the size of a finger joint. Innumerable pilgrims would bow before those pieces of a corpse.”

“Don’t many people want that?”

That’s why those with the greatest power on earth build such massive tombs.

So they won’t be forgotten even after death.

“Is that what you want to become?”

“…No.”

“Then keep my words in mind. To lift off, a hot air balloon must reduce its weight. If someone clings to it, cut the rope.”

‘How brutal.’

As if doing that bullshit would actually get me somewhere good.

I let out a long sigh.

“Just tell me how to go back.”

“You are still there.”

“…I know. But the connection is severed. Tell me how to escape ‘isolation.’”

“You simply need to remove everything the System does not permit.”

“How do I do that?”

“You already know the method.”

I already know?

I closed my eyes and imagined I was in the Main Hall.

I was probably lying on the floor.

I recalled the cold stone floor and the smell of ink.

And when I opened my eyes again, I saw House Lizard’s still-smiling face.

“…It seems I actually don’t know.”

“No, it’s not that you don’t know, but that you cannot recall it.”

‘Isn’t that usually called not knowing?’

“…In Conclude, there is a Skill called ‘self-suggestion.’ It is a basic Skill that anyone can learn if their intelligence stat is 50 or higher. While using self-suggestion, one can temporarily increase their mental strength. Are you aware of this?”

I am.

In the Dark Realm, where there are few ways to raise stats, it’s a Skill that can simply boost mental strength without any particular side effects.

There’s no way I wouldn’t know that…

“If you know, why didn’t you learn it?”

I blinked.

Why didn’t I learn it?

“…Because of ‘Heaven Above, Earth Below, I Alone Reign Supreme,’ my intelligence stat isn’t reflected in the System, so I thought that wouldn’t work either.”

“Did you try?”

“I did.”

Of course I did.

I tried it, it didn’t work, so I didn’t use it.

Wouldn’t that be the case? Logically.

“You possess ‘Forced Persuasion.’ Did you not think to utilize it like self-suggestion?”

“Persuade myself?”

“Correct.”

“…I haven’t tried that.”

“Then let us try it now.”

“I don’t know, not really…”

“Imagine there is a piece of paper on which things to be forgotten are written. The contents written there can no longer be recalled, and if someone asks, you will react as if you are hearing it for the first time.”

‘Paper?’

The moment I questioned it, I felt a heavy weight in my sleeve.

A small scroll, about a span in length, was inside.

I was a bit skeptical, but I could instinctively tell that this was my ‘Divine Power.’

‘To think I didn’t consider utilizing the only Skill I have; I should reflect on this.’

Thinking so, I untied the string, and the first sentence was revealed.

[‘Upon rolling this scroll back up,’ I will forget the fact that I used Forced Persuasion on myself, as well as the fact that I can do so.]

“…….”

I unfurled it a bit more.

[If someone mentions ‘self-suggestion’ or ‘self-hypnosis,’ I will recall the ‘fact’ that I tried but failed. I will have no desire to try again.]

…It was a familiar handwriting.

I looked up at House Lizard.

House Lizard said with a smiling face, “Keep reading.”

‘I wrote this?’

It wasn’t incomprehensible.

The fact that I could use Forced Persuasion on myself is most effective when I myself am unaware of it.

Of course, when a necessary moment arrives, it will suddenly come to mind.

Surely I wouldn’t have forgotten to include such an exception clause.

‘But it feels a bit…’

It felt strange.

Since I have no memory of the ‘me’ who wrote this, it felt, how should I put it, as if someone else had manipulated me.

‘What on earth did I write down?’

[Sentimental thoughts shall not occur in the early morning. In particular, the thought of wanting to return to Earth shall rarely occur.]

‘…He really used this for self-suggestion.’

[Thoughts regarding Earth are unnecessary, so I shall not recall them unless someone else brings it up first.]

‘Isn’t this redundant with the sentence above?’

[Stop thinking about making a medieval version of an euthanasia device!]

‘I had such concerns?’

[Forget all ideas regarding the euthanasia device prototype. Forget where the materials were stored. Even if discovered, I shall not remember what they are.]

‘I even made one?’

When on earth did I think of that?

Was it when I was terrified that I must die an instant death to avoid receiving the Blessing of Healing?

‘It would be troublesome to have such a thing in a cult that treats suicide as a sin…’

This guy is a real piece of work.

At this point, I’m becoming afraid to read what’s written further down.

I narrowed my eyes and slowly unfurled the scroll.

[…I shall not feel the urge to eat kimchi with every meal.]

[I shall perceive the gamy smell of meat as flavor.]

[I shall be able to sleep well anywhere.]

[The moment I close my eyes thinking I should sleep, I shall fall asleep within minutes.]

‘Hmm.’

These are all necessary things.

Then, I paused at the next passage.

[I shall not doubt ‘Athanas.’]

‘Why this?’

Why go out of the way to write this?

‘…It must be conditional, right?’

The sentence ‘When I am with Athanas’ must be written right below it.

It’s probably a clause inserted to help manage my facial expressions when we’re together.

I snapped the scroll open.

[I shall not consider the possibility that ‘Athanas’ possesses Regression.]

[The moment ‘Athanas’ confesses to having Regression, I shall recall that I can forget it through ‘self-persuasion.’]

[I shall not feel any dissonance regarding my left eye.]

[The left eye has never received the ‘Blessing of Healing.’]

[The sight of ‘Athanas’ taking the left eye was a hallucination seen in a state of delirium.]

[The left eye is not inside ‘Athanas’s’ reliquary.]

[‘Athanas’ will not hurt me.]

[‘Athanas’ has never killed me.]

[‘Athanas’ is on my side.]

[Trust ‘Athanas.’]