#159

“Forget it?”

‘Mental intrusion from the outside should be impossible.’

Even when the Saintess tried to dig in so persistently, there wasn’t a single sliver of a gap.

‘From the inside, or perhaps The Watcher….’

“It is the same for what is inside the reliquary. Even though he begged me to take it away, he won’t remember that his eyes were plucked out now.”

Truth.

“Even if you try to awaken the memory, it is meaningless. The moment he recalls that his eyes are gone, he will be seized by terrible horror, and then return to a state of not remembering.”

This was also the truth.

‘Is it a Taboo placed by The Watcher?’

“…And so?”

“I would prefer it if you did not mention the contents of the reliquary in front of my lover. I do not wish to see him like that ever again.”

“…….”

Tertius stared at Athanas.

What does The Watcher want to do to Fabio by using this guy?

No, before that.

‘What does this guy actually think of Fabio?’

“…You seem to have a lot you want to know about your lover right now.”

There was no answer, but he could tell by the intense color of the emotions.

“It’s strange. You aren’t surprised even though I suddenly revealed my identity, and you don’t even ask the things you’d be most curious about.”

Even a devout Archbishop feels doubt and anxiety before the Lord’s Will.

Is this truly what You wish for? Have I misinterpreted it? Am I disturbing the Order right now?

‘Even I am confused about what is my choice and what is the Lord’s Will.’

Is the tenderness I feel when I look at Fabio mine?

Or is it what the Lord desires?

Adna had questioned why he even needed to distinguish between the two, but Tertius had no choice but to think of them separately.

If these were my own emotions, I would strive to suppress them, but….

“…Because if I say it is the Lord’s Will, some will still demand an explanation. They want to know ‘why’ such things happen. Why did the Lord place my lover beside an apostle? Until when will they be unable to meet? How is he faring there?”

“…….”

“You don’t ask things like that, do you?”

“If there is an answer permitted for me, I would like to hear it.”

“There is no answer you can hear right now.”

“…Is that so.”

“Yes, that’s what I can’t wrap my head around. This composure. Why are you so unfazed? Usually, people find this extremely difficult to accept.”

“What I desire is for my lover to remain safe and happy without being embroiled in dangerous affairs. As long as that is fulfilled, I have no complaints for now.”

Athanas answered with a calm expression.

‘Dammit.’

Being able to see emotions is generally convenient, but there are moments when it is incredibly irritating.

Like now, when he cannot dismiss the other person as being insincere.

‘I feel like I lost a fight I didn’t even start.’

And upon arriving at Adna’s Training Hall, Tertius would come to feel that sensation about seven more times in a row.

After being hauled away by Adna and being ‘stared at’ until I fell asleep, I realized the gravity of the situation.

‘I’m seriously being treated like a critical patient….’

At this rate, I might reach an ending where I just lie there with a funnel shoved in my mouth.

Struck by a sense of urgency, I decided to stop chatting while I played the part of the quiet patient.

If my gaze became weird because of a window popping up suddenly, I might be suspected again.

So, taking advantage of the moments when Adna left the room, I told Pandemonium and Athanasuki that chatting would be difficult for a while.

>> Lmao so you should’ve come when I told you to

>> Unbelievable

>> Hyung, are you some kind of captured heroine?

>> Getting imprisoned in a place you can only enter in the extreme late game?

>> Even I can’t save you right now, gl hf

‘I wasn’t even expecting it.’

>> You said… we shouldn’t send chats?

>> Boo

>> This is too much, I was somehow enduring the fact that you don’t visit every day

>>

[…If there’s something you absolutely must tell me, send it between 8 PM and 9 PM. I’ll be awake then, just with my eyes closed.]

>> !!!!!!

>> I love you!!

>> I’ll work hard!!

>> I’ll find something incredibly important here!

‘So noisy….’

There was a mountain of things I wanted to ask Athanasuki, but I intentionally refrained.

‘If I were a player, I would have definitely set up countermeasures before giving information to a loose cannon like that.’

Considering the warning I received when Reyes carelessly ‘leaked’ who his Othergod was to Pandemonium, there was a high possibility that some security device was in place to prevent information leaks.

‘What if I dug up information from Athanasuki, but the Council’s operation failed?’

I could be pointed out as the reason for the failure.

I didn’t want to take that risk.

It wasn’t like I was going to tell the apostles the information I found, so why bother making enemies of the players?

Above all….

‘…I can’t trust the Church of Order anymore.’

The Saintess is the person closest to God.

If one wants to be like Loclem, they just need to think and act like the Saintess.

The method such a Saintess chose to save people was forced ‘Martyrdom.’

‘I don’t want to go to a heaven created by someone who considers that kind of thing salvation.’

It’s not that I want to hit Game Over right this second, but I absolutely loathe the idea of becoming a part of Order in a world where Order has completely won.

In the afterlife, there isn’t even an end called ‘death.’

Is there any punishment more terrifying than having to live forever in an unwanted world without ever reaching a conclusion?

‘Then I guess I have to die in the window between the Mother God Player hitting Game Over and just before Order wins completely.’

Having to commit suicide because I don’t want to go to heaven.

It felt somewhat ironic.

If the Pioneer of Civilization hadn’t given up on the game, I would have rather pinned my hopes on that side….

‘…Why did House Lizard give up on the game?’

House Lizard was the type who believed that if humanity could only leave behind either the species or the civilization, it was absolutely right to choose the latter.

There is no need to preserve human DNA when extinction approaches.

Creatures suited for the changed environment will survive.

Eventually, a lifeform as intelligent as humans will appear, and humanity’s ‘civilization’ will be continued by the creature that discovers humanity’s legacy.

Therefore, humanity must research data storage methods that can stably endure for at least 10,000 years….

‘Well, he was a human who made such arguments seriously.’

Since he wrote those posts before Conclude was released, he wasn’t just roleplaying as the Pioneer of Civilization.

Was it because he had the wealth to lightly burn tens of thousands of dollars on duplicate game purchases?

People who don’t have to worry about making a living really spend their spare time pondering things like this.

I had admired him with a mix of twisted sentiment.

‘…House Lizard didn’t accidentally hit Game Over, did he?’

There’s the Tutorial Emergency Rescue Device, and the Arrangements prepared by the Othergod.

If the last place he was spotted was the Main Hall of the Capital Church, the possibility of him dying at the hands of another player is also low.

‘What on earth did he find out in the basement of the Main Hall?’

If he saw the ugly truth hidden by Order, his desire to win the game would have likely grown stronger.

At the very least, he would have wanted to convey that truth to other players.

But instead, House Lizard vanished quietly.

Why?

‘He’s the kind of human who would continue the experiment until the game ends, even if he realized this world is nothing more than a simulation and that nothing happens even if he wins this game.’

Because even if time and memory are reset, a record of the experiment would remain somewhere.

‘Record….’

Come to think of it, that bastard Record didn’t tell me anything about House Lizard.

Did he do it on purpose?

The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt.

‘If Reyes says he found something, I’ll go to the Main Hall myself then.’

Important information probably couldn’t be conveyed via chat anyway.

The System would censor it.

‘And that’s only possible once I’m judged as a normal person by Adna….’

It wasn’t easy.

Having my meeting with Athanas forcibly terminated and being confined to my room for the reason that I ‘didn’t look okay,’ I quietly read books and fell asleep.

And the next day, when I answered that I was fine to Adna’s question of whether I missed Athanas, my normality score was deducted again.

‘Something about it being a problem that I can’t request what I want.’

No, I’m really fine.

I just saw him yesterday.

There’s nothing in particular to talk about just by looking at his face.

But Adna insisted that I should have time to meet Athanas at least once a day and summoned him.

‘This is so awkward….’

It must be a hassle and a burden for Athanas to be summoned all the way to the Apostle’s Hall.

We used to meet every day, but back then, there was the purpose of exchanging information.

Wouldn’t moments like this, where we just have to act as ‘lovers’ without any meaning, feel like a waste of time?

“Athanas….”

“Did you not miss me today?”

“What?”

“I was expecting you to run and hug me today as well. Is that not allowed?”

Athanas opened his arms with a disappointed expression.

‘…What is this?’

Is he telling me to hop into those arms right now?

For a moment, I almost screamed.

‘Fuck, I’m not just getting goosebumps, my skin is itching from the inside.’

Where the hell did this bastard Athanas learn to act like this?

No, I can understand it intellectually.

The ‘lover acting’ he’s done so far must have been an imitation of someone’s behavior.

Which means some person acted like a giant cockroach in front of Athanas and served as his model.

Athanas just saw that and learned it….

‘But this? A bit much?’

Right?

The moment my brain momentarily stopped functioning, Athanas let out a small laugh and suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Fabio, your face is as red as an apple right now.”

‘That’s because I’m flustered!’

Tertius isn’t here right now, so there’s no need to act with such intensity….

I broke into a cold sweat internally.

‘How do I tell him to tone it down?’

“Athanas, this is a bit….”

“Are you shy?”

“…Yes.”

“I understand. Next time, I shall do this only when we are alone.”

Athanas continued, stroking my cheek.

“Because I want to monopolize such a lovely sight for myself.”

‘Fuck.’

I’m screwed.

I feel like a high-concentration sugar solution was just injected into my veins instead of my mouth.

If a solution with a higher concentration than plasma is injected into the veins, red blood cells lose water and shrink due to osmosis.

So, to put it in a metaphor, it feels like every single cell is being squeezed.

‘Save me….’

“…Where did you learn to say things like that?”

“Is it obvious?”

“Yes.”

“It was advice I received from Commander Casimir.”

‘When the hell did he meet that person?’

“She told me that it is important to express it excessively so that the lover feels loved. That is why….”

“…Please stop.”

‘Unless you want to see a person foam at the mouth and collapse.’