#138

I could tell immediately who the intruder was.

One of the players. And specifically….

‘With a very high probability, some strategy game maniac bastard.’

It seemed Reyes had sent a message claiming to be in this room and asking them to come meet him.

That’s why they seem to be mistaking me for Reyes….

‘What the hell is that guy thinking?’

Does he want to screw me over?

Or is he just brainless?

I wanted to ask him right now, but sending a chat was too conspicuous, so I couldn’t.

“Hey, answer me.”

The pressure was no joke as a giant, nearly two meters tall, spoke to me with a crooked attitude.

‘What should I do?’

My mind raced.

Should I pretend to be an NPC who knows nothing?

Getting through this situation with a lie wouldn’t be hard, but the aftermath was the problem.

After realizing they’d come for nothing, they would definitely confront Reyes, and there was a high probability that Reyes would bluntly say, “That person is a player.”

If Reyes had the intelligence to realize I was pretending to be an NPC because I was in a bind, he wouldn’t have pulled a stunt like this without consulting me in the first place.

‘That bastard holds a grudge for a long time….’

If he found out he’d been tricked, he’d get sulky and refuse to give me even the most basic information for free.

Since I had decided to seek cooperation, it seemed better to reveal that I was a ‘Happy God player,’ even if I kept the fact that I was ‘qwerasdf’ a secret.

I gave an awkward smile.

“I think there’s been some misunderstanding…. I am not the Distorted One’s player.”

As soon as the man heard my words, he burst out laughing.

“Ha, this is fucking hilarious. You’re seriously my laugh-button.”

“…Excuse me?”

“Hey, you idiot. If you’re going to pretend to be an NPC, you shouldn’t use the word ‘player.’”

‘I wasn’t pretending to be an NPC.’

“And why did you put ‘the Distorted One’ in front? Was that an introduction?”

“That’s not it….”

“Sigh. Can you even survive in the Capital Church like this? You’ll probably just stutter and get a Game Over even if Emergency Escape is activated.”

The man chuckled and patted my head haphazardly.

I was a bit flustered.

‘…He seems closer to Reyes than I thought?’

No wonder he gave me so much advice.

Maintaining the most serious expression I could, I spoke.

“Nice to meet you. I am a player of Happy God.”

“Ah, seriously, this is absurd. You can’t just change the name of the god in front.”

“…It seems the Distorted One’s player played a prank on you. I am truly not Reyes Floren. I am Fabio, a Happy God player.”

“Wow, this guy is stubborn. Look at him keep going even after being caught.”

The man pressed both my cheeks with one hand and tilted my head from side to side.

“So, what did you use Distortion to make this look like? Some serf’s face you saw somewhere?”

“It’s not Distortion….”

“Did you happen to get that? The mirage thingy?”

The bastard completely ignored my words and picked up the reliquary with two fingers.

“Is this it?”

“Wait….”

“Athanas?”

The man’s eyes narrowed as he read the name engraved on the reliquary.

“Hey, you really….”

The man trailed off.

It was the reaction of someone witnessing the ‘real deal,’ someone who didn’t even dare to swear or make fun of me.

‘Dammit, I told you I’m not!’

Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true!

“…I wondered why you became a Chanter.”

“I didn’t.”

“What do you mean you didn’t?”

‘Everything!’

Dammit, where do I even start explaining?

First, I felt like I had to prove to this guy that I wasn’t ‘Athanasuki.’

What’s a way to prove it that would instantly shut up someone who doesn’t even listen?

“Hey. You’re not planning to meet Athanas, show him this, and use Distortion to claim you two were originally dating, are you?”

My face crumpled.

What does he take me for….

‘Of course, he sees me as Athanasuki.’

Even I would make that assumption if Athanasuki had Valentine’s reliquary.

Especially since the ability I possess happens to be Distortion.

Isn’t it rational to assume that if a pervert has an ability perfectly suited for perversion, he’ll use it for perverted acts?

“You’re really going to get a Game Over at this rate.”

He sounded genuinely concerned.

“Hey, wake up. You know well that relationships made with Distortion are fake. How miserable will you be when Athanas comes to his senses later? I’m saying this for your own sake. Seriously, stop it.”

‘I’m not doing it, dammit.’

I’m not some lunatic who twists a sane person’s mind to play fake lovers.

“…I’m confiscating this.”

As the man flicked his hand, the reliquary floated up.

I quickly grabbed the reliquary with both hands.

Since what was inside was a genuine part of Athanas, I couldn’t let this reliquary be taken away no matter what.

‘Dammit.’

However, as if its coordinates were fixed, the reliquary continued to float in the air.

As the man waved his fingers, the reliquary surged within my grip.

“Please, just listen to me….”

“You’re the one who needs to listen to me. I told you, I’m doing this for you.”

The moment the reliquary tried to slip from my grasp, a surge of irritation boiled over.

“If you keep this up, I’ll call the Saintess!”

It sounded like a child threatening to tell their guardian…. I felt a bit embarrassed after saying it.

‘To think the only attack command I can use is calling the Saintess.’

Fucking trash unit.

Fucking trash Othergod.

I felt unfairly treated all over again.

If I actually had Distortion, I would have swapped this bastard’s esophagus and rectum so that everything he ate would pour straight down….

“…Make a threat that actually makes sense.”

The shaking of the reliquary stopped, but it remained floating via telekinesis.

I held the reliquary tightly with one hand and used the other to pull out the Saintess’s relic I had tucked inside my clothes.

“You can verify the contents if you touch it, so go ahead. Don’t end up in a disaster because you didn’t believe me.”

“Funny. What kind of prank are you trying to pull now?”

The man snorted and touched the relic very lightly with his index finger.

‘Coward.’

“Holy shit, what is this.”

The smile vanished from the man’s face.

It seemed he had read the contents written on the Saintess’s relic.

“…Where did you get this?”

“I received it directly from the Saintess.”

“Bullshit. Then you would’ve had a Game Over!”

“I don’t know why I didn’t get a Game Over. But it is a fact that the Saintess gave me this relic.”

“…Are you really not Skides?”

“I’ve told you repeatedly that I’m not.”

Pandemonium shut his mouth.

‘That bastard is desperately managing his expression because he’s so fucking embarrassed.’

He’s a shy guy, and since he’d said all sorts of nonsense to a stranger, he probably wanted to open the door and run out right about now.

Pandemonium only spoke again after a long while.

“…You. How old are you?”

‘That’s the first thing he asks?’

I was about to tell him my real age, but I changed my mind and decided to lie.

Age alone wouldn’t reveal much, but if the questions continued, he might figure out who I was.

‘But even if I lie, I can’t call that guy ‘hyung’.”

I called out a number two years older than the guy’s actual age.

“I am twenty-six. Though I’m twenty-three here.”

Upon hearing my words, Pandemonium replied without changing his expression.

“I’m thirty-three.”

“…Is that your physical age?”

“No, my age on Earth is thirty-three. Here, I’m twenty-seven.”

‘Bullshit.’

This bastard hasn’t even graduated college.

Look at him lying just so he can keep speaking informally.

It was absurd, but I couldn’t let on that I knew his actual age.

“I can keep speaking informally, right?”

“…Of course. Do as you please.”

“Woman? Man?”

“Man.”

“How many hours of play time do you have? Surely you haven’t only played Happy God.”

“I remember it being over a thousand hours in total, but I don’t remember the exact number. With this account, I’ve only played Happy God. I was curious if something would change if I obtained a bound trait.”

“Between dogs, cats, and dinosaurs, which one do you like best?”

“…What?”

‘Why is he asking that?’

Dinosaurs are obviously a trap.

So I had to choose between dogs and cats….

‘I think cats are cuter, but I don’t want to be mistaken for someone like Nyapoleon.’

“…Puppies.”

“Is that something you need to think about that much?”

“I was just a bit flustered because the question was so sudden. Why are you asking these things?”

“From now on, answer within one second. If it’s something you’ve never thought about, just guess.”

‘What is this?’

Pandemonium began throwing out incomprehensible questions.

“Milk first or cereal first when eating cereal?”

“Cereal.”

“Mint chocolate: delicious or toothpaste?”

“…Toothpaste?”

“Pineapple pizza: delicious or should not exist?”

“Should not exist.”

“Dipping sauce or pouring sauce?”

“Pouring.”

“I knew it!”

Pandemonium’s face suddenly brightened.

‘…What? This guy is a dipper too.’

Why is he happy?

I intentionally answered everything the opposite way.

“Seeing as you know what pouring and dipping are, you’re Korean too!”

‘Ah.’

He wasn’t checking my tastes, but using memes that only work in Korea to verify my nationality.

He actually used his brain for once.

Pandemonium patted my shoulder.

“You can speak informally too. Call me hyung.”

“…I’m more comfortable with formal speech.”

Pandemonium shrugged.

“Suit yourself. You said your name is Fabio? Where have you been all this time? Happy God has never been cleared, so I thought there were no players at all.”

“My starting was a serf, so I spent nearly half a year just farming.”

“Really? Without doing anything else? Just farming?”

The man wore a look of disbelief.

“You fell into this horrible world and just farmed? You’re really the unplanned, thoughtless type.”

To think there’d be someone worse than Skides.

Pandemonium muttered.

‘Dammit, he’s really pissing me off.’

Why don’t you try starting as a serf with an un-updated god and no Helper?

Let’s see what you can do there.

“Haha….”

But outwardly, I laughed as harmlessly as possible.

After all, I was in a position where I had to ask this guy for various pieces of information.

‘I hadn’t planned on revealing my position, but it’s ruined because of that bastard Reyes.’

The act of being a player with hidden tricks was completely out the window.

Since it had come to this, it seemed better to reveal that I was completely broke and use this guy’s boastful personality to gain information or help.

Pandemonium asked, half-covering his face with his hand.

“There’s something I’m really curious about….”

“Please, go ahead.”

“That… are you really dating the Heretic Butcher? Was that your original preference?”

I coughed, flustered.

“We aren’t dating. And that’s not my preference.”

“Then what’s that?”

Pandemonium asked, pointing to the reliquary in my hand.

“This… is a desperate measure to obtain information about players. I have no Helper or System guidance, so I only found out that chat existed after meeting Reyes.”

I mixed in a bit of a lie.

Because it was a bit embarrassing to admit that between [Risking it by calling out nicknames VS Advertising to the whole neighborhood that I’m dating a game character], I chose the latter first.

Since I told him I couldn’t think of any other bait to make other players recognize and approach me in a situation where I knew nothing, Pandemonium seemed to accept it to some extent.

“So that’s why you met Reyes first.”

Pandemonium looked at me as if I were pathetic.

“What if Reyes was some hopeless weirdo? Why did you draw that kind of all-out aggro?”

‘…If it’s Athanasuki, isn’t he definitely a weirdo?’

“Because there was no other way…?”

“Anyway, you’d better stop that aggro immediately. Honestly, there aren’t many sane people left among the players.”

“…Including you?”

“Yeah.”

Pandemonium readily admitted it.

“More importantly, has the Heretic Butcher himself ever come looking for you? It would be a bit creepy if a stranger walked around wearing a couple’s ring with his name on it.”

“I am in a cooperative relationship with Athanas. This idea was actually Athanas’s first….”

“Wait, you’re on speaking terms with the Heretic Butcher?”

The man frowned.

“How did you explain it for an NPC to cooperate with something like that?”

I briefly explained my first meeting with Athanas.

Athanas had dreamed of the introductory part of the Heretic Slayer, and he visited the Branch Office every day to find clues about it.

He vaguely thought that by staying there, the next Revelation might come, or he might meet someone with a clue.

Then, he took notice of me, who woke him from a nightmare longer than usual, and we became acquaintances.

Searching for a player who had naturalized into the Church of Order, I decided to go to the basement of the Branch Office with Athanas, where we discovered a trap.

Realizing there was a player with malice toward the Church of Order, I worried that Athanas might become a target, so I honestly confessed that I was a Watched One….

“…And after that, we entered a cooperative relationship.”

As he listened to the story, Pandemonium completely covered his eyes.

When he wiped his hand down, his deeply furrowed brow was revealed.

“Fuck!”

‘…Why the sudden swearing?’

As I widened my eyes, Pandemonium quickly added.

“No, I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Then who were you talking to?”

“A crazy bastard.”

“…Insanity?”

“Did you hear about him from Reyes? Then the explanation will be quicker.”

‘Why is Insanity coming up here?’

Does he think the person who set the trap in the Branch Office basement was Insanity?

“In my opinion….”

Pandemonium uttered a shocking statement.

“That Heretic Butcher bastard is one hundred percent Insanity’s Vassal.”