#116

“Athanas?”

“Wait, just for a moment, let me stay like this.”

“What?”

Before I could even think to refuse, Athanas suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace.

‘…I can’t breathe.’

I could feel Athanas’s pulse, which had been racing as if he had run all the way here, slowly calming down.

Thank goodness, I heard a low voice mutter.

‘What’s so thankful about this?’

I couldn’t make sense of the context.

Why was Athanas acting like this?

‘…Well, it’s better than him suddenly gouging out someone’s eyeballs.’

Dreams are naturally devoid of context.

Perhaps I was dreaming of Athanas because I kept thinking that I wanted to see him.

Therefore, this deep sense of relief must be my own emotion.

‘Athanas….’

And so, I met Athanas.

What did I want to do with him?

‘…Did I just want to feel this reassured?’

I reached out and wrapped my arms around Athanas’s back.

The hug was warm.

It didn’t feel like warmth from the skin touching me, but rather a feeling of warming up from the inside.

I also felt as if something that had been stretched tight for so long was finally loosening.

The sense of relief swelled up like freshly baked bread, pushing all other thoughts beneath the surface of my consciousness.

‘This must be how it feels to receive the Blessing of Consolation.’

My brain must have been under so much stress in such a short period that it was forcibly showing me a scene to make me feel good, as if saying, “You’re going to die at this rate!”

Dreams like that often reveal one’s own desires with embarrassing honesty.

‘…To think I’d dream of Athanas hugging me tight without asking anything.’

What a childish and infantile desire.

I hope Athanas knows nothing.

But I hope he comforts me for the pain I’ve endured.

I hope he tells me it’s a relief, that everything is okay now.

I hope he isn’t angry about the things I did on my own.

I hope he doesn’t feel betrayed after learning my secrets….

‘I suppose those desires materialized into this form.’

I leaned my head on Athanas’s shoulder.

From the arms holding me, I could feel things like desperation, joy, relief, and affection.

Since these weren’t emotions Athanas would actually feel toward me, I knew it was a dream without even needing to verify it.

‘This hug feels like the joy of finding a lost puppy after three days.’

Looking at it this way, it seems the reason my fingertips grew cold when I thought of Athanas wasn’t because I was afraid of Athanas.

“…I must go now.”

Athanas whispered to me.

‘Is it time to wake up from the dream?’

I held onto Athanas tightly.

“Stay here.”

“…Fabio. I cannot stay here.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I stay here, you will be confused.”

I laughed.

What a kind dream.

It even gives me a direct warning not to confuse it with reality.

There’s no need for that….

“I know it’s a dream even if you don’t tell me.”

“…Why do you think this is a dream?”

“The moment I thought I wanted to see you, you were standing at the door.”

“…You wanted to see me.”

The subconscious cannot distinguish between imagination and reality.

The fake relief in a dream is not much different from real relief.

I’ll feel a deep sense of emptiness when I wake up, but then….

‘…I’ll just have to find some willow bark to chew on; there’s no other way.’

They say loneliness is a sensation similar to pain.

Since they say loneliness decreases if you take painkillers.

Once I wake up from this dream, I should find some willow—the raw material for aspirin—and make a primitive painkiller.

‘Even if it’s not because of loneliness, I’ll have to endure future pain without the Blessing of Pain Relief.’

And an anesthetic too.

I never want to experience a medieval-era ‘surgery’ while fully conscious ever again.

“I thought you… were afraid of me.”

“If it were your very existence that I feared, I would have spent my time hiding and avoiding you.”

If there is no point of contact, there is no chance of being caught in a contradiction.

It wouldn’t even matter if Athanas’s trust in me vanished.

If I had no relationship with Athanas at all….

“Then why….”

“Athanas, I am afraid of losing you.”

“…….”

“I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed in me, get angry, and leave….”

That was why my stomach churned whenever I thought of Athanas.

‘I was just feeling guilty because I’ve committed so many sins.’

In reality, Athanas….

‘Wait, I feel something getting heavier.’

“Athanas?”

I whispered softly, but there was no answer.

I could only hear the sound of deep, steady breathing.

‘…Did this bastard pass out?’

When I took a step back while still holding him, Athanas’s body tilted toward me without resistance.

The weight of an unconscious person pressed heavily down on me.

‘Seriously?’

He just fell asleep like this?

In someone else’s room?

‘…Ridiculous.’

He does this even in a dream?

‘I mean, the “Sleeping Athanas” meme is famous, but Athanas falling asleep like he has narcolepsy is out of character.’

When Athanas sleeps, it’s more like taking a brief nap while remaining in a state of sharp tension, ready to grip his sword at any moment.

An Athanas who sleeps this defenselessly has never appeared in the game….

‘But if this is a dream, then this is a situation staged by my subconscious.’

…Was the moment Athanas fainted due to Oblivion that impressive?

Come to think of it, that also happened today.

‘There was no need to reenact it in a dream.’

I dragged Athanas as he was and laid him diagonally across the bed.

For some reason, I let out a sigh.

‘What kind of dream is this, anyway?’

If you’re going to comfort me, do it until the end.

What kind of ending is this?

‘…Even in a dream, you should take off your shoes before sleeping.’

As a Korean, I could not tolerate shoes being on the bed.

After taking off his socks, the cloak he was wearing bothered me.

‘Can I take that off too?’

To undo the knot near the neck of a person lying diagonally on the bed, it was easier to climb onto the bed.

The deeply asleep Athanas showed no reaction even as I undressed him.

‘I could probably rob him blind and he wouldn’t know.’

After placing a pillow under his head, I stared quietly at Athanas’s face.

It was a face that looked as if extreme fatigue would rub off on me if I touched it.

‘…Why does he look so tired?’

He went through all sorts of terrible things, but shouldn’t I be the one suddenly collapsing into sleep once I realize I’m safe and the tension breaks?

I’m the one who went to the basement of the Main Hall and went through all that.

‘Of course, if this is my dream, that’s also part of my subconscious….’

…But is it definitely a dream right now?

Now that I think about it, I haven’t checked.

Out of habit, I bent my right finger backward.

In a dream, the finger should easily touch the back of the hand….

‘…It doesn’t.’

…….

My thoughts stopped for a moment.

‘Then this….’

…Could it be reality?

‘The part where Athanas suddenly visited, hugged me tight, and then just fell asleep?’

That actually happened?

‘If it’s not a dream, why did Athanas come here?’

Of course, there could be several reasons why Athanas would visit my room in the middle of the night.

Perhaps there was something urgent to tell me, or he came to check because the signal from the reliquary hadn’t moved for a long time.

‘But this bastard didn’t do anything other than suddenly come and hug me.’

What possible reason could lead someone to visit in the middle of the night just to give a hug?

‘…I’ll just hear the reason later.’

If this was reality, there was a more important problem.

‘Does that mean I actually told the real Athanas something like, “Sob sob, I’m afraid of losing you”?’

…Isn’t it a bit premature to be certain this isn’t a dream just by checking the back of my hand?

There are many other ways to verify if it’s a dream.

‘In dreams, the time on a clock often changes.’

You can tell for sure especially if you look at a digital clock.

But there was no clock in the room.

‘Or I could tell it’s a dream if the internal structure of the building changes every time I open and close a door….’

…Should I step out for a moment?

If I go out and come back, Athanas might be gone.

Then it would definitely have been a dream.

‘Right, let’s get some fresh air.’

The moment I thought that and tried to get up, Athanas grabbed my arm.

“…Athanas?”

‘Did he wake up?’

As I leaned my head down to look at his face, Athanas pulled me into an embrace just like that.

I suddenly ended up sprawled flat against Athanas’s chest.

‘…What?’

I tried to get out, but with Strength 30 and Endurance 25, it was impossible.

“Athanas? If you can hear me, please let me go.”

There was no response.

It seems he’s still asleep….

‘…Does he have a sleeping habit where he reflexively grabs something if he senses movement?’

I think this happened before.

Back then, I was terrified, thinking it was an attack.

‘He’s kind of like a Venus flytrap.’

This sleeping habit would certainly be useful for catching thieves trying to rummage through one’s pockets for valuables.

‘But does that mean I have to stay like this until Athanas wakes up?’

This bastard doesn’t wake up easily once he’s asleep.

Especially when he’s tired….

‘…I can hear his heartbeat clearly like this.’

Listening to the slow, rhythmic beating, the desire to just sleep—whether it was a dream or not—grew stronger.

‘Right, I went through too much today.’

If this is reality, can’t I just think about it after I wake up?

If it’s a dream, I can just keep dreaming.

‘…If Athanas is still here when I wake up, then it’s reality.’

I reached that conclusion and closed my eyes.

My consciousness scattered in an instant.

* * *

When I woke up, Athanas was gone.

‘…As expected, it was a dream.’

When I opened my hand, the reliquary was there.

It seemed I had checked the reliquary I’d hidden under my pillow after returning to my room and then fallen asleep on the bed.

I wanted to sit on the bed and organize my thoughts calmly, but there was no time for that.

I had to go meet Andrea before 4 AM.

‘I should have told him yesterday that I couldn’t make it….’

While lamenting, my body automatically prepared to leave.

The habits engraved in my body were truly impressive.

I really thought I wouldn’t be able to open my eyes.

‘…I really don’t want to go.’

But I couldn’t just skip without notice.

A guy who said he wanted to quit because being a double agent was too hard, but then said he’d try to endure it, skips the very next day?

How would Andrea take that?

‘If I did that, the next time I open my eyes, I might be at the Distorted One’s base camp.’

Even if I told him I couldn’t attend the class today because I was tired, I absolutely had to meet Andrea and convince him that the issue wasn’t related to Athanas.

‘While I’m at it, should I move the Doctrine study time?’

It doesn’t have to be at this specific time.

Can’t I just do it after the orphanage volunteering?

It’s a hassle to go back and forth twice….

As soon as the cold dawn air hit my face, the longing to lie back down on the bed became desperate.

‘Now that I think about it, is there any reason to keep studying the Doctrine?’

I think I’ve done enough to build rapport.

I can hear news about Adelaide just by volunteering at the orphanage….

‘Right, since I’m taking a break, I’ll just say I want to stop studying the Doctrine altogether.’

Thinking that made my steps lighter.

When I opened the door to the study, Andrea welcomed me with a bright smile.

“Fabio! I have good news.”

‘Oh no.’

I wanted to be the one to speak first.

I should have said I had something to say as soon as I walked in.

‘It’s a bit awkward to say I’m quitting right after hearing good news.’

But what could possibly be “good news”?

Is it news about Adelaide?

“The Prophet has said he wishes to see you in person!”

‘…Who?’

The Prophet?

‘That sounds a bit… suspicious….’

If it’s someone a Vassal of the Distorted One would call a Prophet….

‘…A player?’

“Perhaps the Prophet will grant you a Blessing that allows you to see the true truth!”

Andrea gripped both of my hands tightly.

Andrea’s stern face was shining with pure joy.

“Ah, I was worried about what would happen if you weren’t saved…. This is truly a relief!”

‘Relief my ass.’

Chapter 117