#112

Athanas should be angry with me.

I remember the image of his fury vividly.

Athanas looks back at me, drenched in blood. He grinds his teeth and strides toward me…

‘…Wait.’

This never happened.

Dizzy, I closed and opened my eyes for a moment. The room was clean. Athanas was not covered in blood either. Of course he wasn’t. There was no way the real Athanas would suddenly slaughter people…

‘Is this a lingering image from that nonsense dream I had earlier?’

The anxiety that it would be disastrous if Athanas found out must have mixed with the Athanas I saw in the game to create a strange dream.

I carefully gripped the reliquary in my hand. As I felt the surface of the box, I could clearly distinguish what was reality and what was a nightmare.

‘…There’s no way Athanas would cry.’

I shook off the surreal image of a weeping Athanas from my mind.

The real Athanas isn’t like that. Right now, Athanas is…

‘…What is he thinking?’

I cautiously observed Athanas’s expression.

I couldn’t tell what emotion it was, but it wasn’t anger.

When Athanas is angry, just meeting his gaze sends a chill down my spine, but I felt nothing of the sort.

‘Isn’t this a situation where he should be absolutely pissed?’

Athanas had visited my room to find me.

That meant there was urgent business that couldn’t wait until our scheduled meeting tomorrow.

‘…Or perhaps he thought he should conduct a surprise inspection.’

After all, I am a ‘Watched One’ who hasn’t even received the Blessing of Order.

He might have thought it was time to check if I was hiding something suspicious in my room.

Either way, it was a very important matter.

And yet, upon arriving, he found the room empty, with only the reliquary—which he had repeatedly insisted I carry at all times—left sitting there alone…

‘He must be fucking livid.’

Furthermore, Athanas hadn’t told me that the reliquary had a location-tracking function.

Despite that, I had deliberately left the reliquary behind to go out.

From Athanas’s perspective, it was inevitable that he would be suspicious.

Does he know the reliquary tracks location? If so, when did he find out? Why didn’t he say he knew? Is he using it to deceive me like this?

‘Even if I try to think positively, I probably can’t.’

If the place I had gone was the Inquisition or the chapel, I could have made the excuse that I left it behind by mistake.

However, I had headed toward the Main Hall, a place I had vowed I would never visit.

Despite claiming I had no intention of siding with a traitor, I had attempted to secretly contact the ‘God of Records’ in a place beyond Athanas’s sight.

‘Exactly how many rules did I break this time?’

I would not act arbitrarily without a word.

I would always carry the reliquary.

I would prioritize my safety above all else at all times.

I would not get entangled with the traitor of Order.

I would not go near the Lab Director…

‘…My trust level has definitely hit 0.’

Thinking that, the fact that Athanas wasn’t angry now felt even more terrifying.

‘Could it be that all expectations for me have vanished?’

Once you pass the point of no return, you actually become more lenient toward the other person.

It’s similar to how one becomes detached from everything after deciding to resign from a job.

Why bother getting angry or worrying about someone you’re going to cut off anyway? Even pouring out emotion feels like a waste.

“Athanas, about this time…”

“There is no need for an explanation.”

At first glance, his tone sounded kind.

I felt it instinctively.

‘…It’s over.’

My mind felt like it had gone blank.

‘It’s useless to make excuses now, right?’

I left the reliquary behind because I didn’t want you to get caught up in this.

There’s a reason why I didn’t tell you anything.

I couldn’t speak carelessly because Oblivion might be listening…

‘…That all sounds like bullshit I’m just spouting to get out of the current situation.’

If I had discovered something important, I could have been a bit more brazen.

But I only learned things that I cannot tell Athanas.

That Mother God is targeting me?

Saying such a thing would be like strangling myself.

If there is a Unit that respawns in the enemy camp the moment they die, how would you manage that Unit?

‘Since all the information that Unit possesses would be handed over to the enemy upon death, you’d obviously make them do nothing and lock them in a dungeon.’

No matter how capable that Unit is, they cannot be deployed for important tasks.

Moreover, ‘Fabio’ has trash stats…

“I understand. Thank you for everything until now.”

“…What are you talking about?”

“Are you not saying… that you will no longer cooperate with me?”

Athanas’s face crumpled.

“Why did you reach that conclusion?”

“But you said there was no need for an explanation…”

“I meant that you shouldn’t feel the burden of having to justify yourself to me.”

This time, I was the one who frowned.

It was because I didn’t understand what Athanas was saying.

“You’ll let it slide without an explanation? Why?”

“Because I know the state of mind you were in when you came here without telling me.”

‘What state of mind was I in?’

“Weren’t you afraid that you might lose your memories again while investigating the ‘God of Oblivion’?”

“…….”

“You repeatedly warned me not to investigate ‘Oblivion’ no matter what. And when you shouted at me not to follow you and left, I had a very ominous feeling. I thought you would try to find out on your own.”

“At that time…”

‘I just ran out because my SAN value dropped.’

I had intended to throw everything away, investigation or not.

“So, if I were to be precise, you acted because you were worried about me. And you left the reliquary behind because you didn’t want me to get involved. Am I correct?”

‘That’s true, but…’

I was confused.

Rather than being relieved that he trusted me, I felt it was strange.

‘He understands me to this extent?’

Regardless of why I had to do it, the things I did this time were definitely actions that eroded trust.

Deserters all have their own stories. But if you overlook them just because there’s a reason, wouldn’t the discipline collapse?

Athanas was not originally a person who cared so much about my position.

He was a man who would get furious even if I explained my reasons…

‘Could this be a dream too?’

The thought suddenly occurred to me.

In reality, I might have fallen asleep again while listening to the Lab Director’s explanation.

Perhaps I was imagining a situation where everything was working out like a lie because I was so terrified of Athanas being angry.

Waking up from such a dream was twice as shitty.

“…May I go to the restroom for a moment?”

It’s a universal rule that if you say it’s a dream inside a dream, the characters suddenly turn strange.

I had no desire to have another nightmare featuring Athanas.

Athanas nodded with a slightly puzzled expression.

‘What can he do if I say it’s an emergency.’

When I opened the door, a long hallway appeared.

Now that I thought about it, it was also strange that I had found the drawing room where Athanas was immediately in a place with so many doors.

‘It’s possible because it’s a dream.’

If so, wouldn’t the door right next to me lead to the restroom?

Since it’s a dream anyway…

‘But I’ve never seen anything good after opening a closed door.’

Even in a dream, my subconscious would probably combine scenes that might be found in the ‘Lab Director’s’ office and show them to me. I didn’t want to experience that in the first person.

Instead of opening an unknown door, I headed back to the room where I first woke up.

As I walked, I slightly bent my left index finger backward. If it was confirmed to be a dream, I planned to slam my head against the wall immediately. And then…

Snap.

‘…Snap?’

I looked down.

The index finger of my left hand had disappeared.

Instead, on my right hand, there was something wriggling…

“Gah!”

Without thinking, I shook my hand.

The reliquary rolled across the hallway floor. The wriggling mass quickly scattered and then gathered in one spot. The Lab Director was standing there.

“My, you must be careful.”

The wriggling things climbed up the Lab Director’s feet and crawled under the hem of his clothes.

Goosebumps broke out all over my body.

‘Fuck, this is definitely a nightmare, isn’t it?’

There was no pain in my finger at all. No, I felt nothing. It was clearly a dream.

After all, if it weren’t a dream, this would be impossible…

The Lab Director walked toward me.

“You shouldn’t act like that while rejection reactions still remain. Now, give me your hand.”

The Lab Director grabbed my left arm. I wanted to shake him off, but my hand wouldn’t obey.

“Wha- what are you trying to…”

The Lab Director grinned, and instead of answering, he chomped down on the part where the index finger had disappeared.

I felt the sensation of a tongue—no, something sticky that couldn’t be called a tongue—licking the joints of my finger. Even though the finger clearly didn’t exist there…

‘Eh? Uh? Huh?’

“Ta-da.”

When the Lab Director opened his mouth, a perfectly normal finger appeared as if by magic.

I felt like someone attending a horrific and bizarre magic show.

‘This…’

The finger, damp with what might have been saliva, bent exactly as I thought.

I grimaced.

‘…Was that it from before? The wriggling thing?’

“It’s best not to be too conscious of the injured area. It’s in a very unstable state, so it could scatter at any moment.”

“…It could scatter? Is that even a thing to say?”

“Oh, I’m quite hurt. Do you know how much I’ve struggled to maintain this Blessing? Instead of being grateful, you’re scolding me!”

The Lab Director moved his hands exaggeratedly and made a dissatisfied expression.

“Fabio, the problem is that you keep rejecting it. Just now, you thought, ‘This isn’t my hand,’ didn’t you?”

“I didn’t.”

“Then what were you thinking while bending your finger?”

‘…I thought that if it’s a dream, it’ll bend backward.’

People who frequently have lucid dreams use a few verification methods to distinguish reality from dreams. If you can breathe even with your nose blocked and mouth closed, or if your finger bends flexibly enough to touch the back of your hand when bent backward, you know it’s a dream.

“I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular. It’s just a habitual motion…”

“Is that so? Then it’s even more serious.”

The Lab Director rested his chin on his hand and sank into thought.

‘Serious or not, I need to wake up from this dream…’

“Fabio, by any chance, do you think the current situation is not reality?”

Chapter 113