#071

“To say it’s only natural to be hated…”

“The fault lies with those who entrusted such a heavy responsibility to someone not suited for it. Honestly, is that the fault of the person who gave up? If a sage fled from the pressure, does the chaos in the village become the sage’s fault? No, it doesn’t. Well, there will be many people who think that way and curse you, but you can just go somewhere where those curses can’t reach and live in peace with your legs stretched out.”

“…And if there is nowhere left to flee to?”

“No, it’s not as if you’re being excommunicated; you’re requesting a discharge. It’s not something that would get you banished from the Order. If you live like a serf in some remote mountain village, who would even care?”

“…….”

“You have a look of disbelief on your face. You’re wondering how living like that could possibly be peaceful, aren’t you?”

“…Yes.”

“I thought so.”

Fabio spoke with a slight smile.

“If you were the kind of person who could flee like that, you wouldn’t have had these worries in the first place. For someone who can stop thinking, ignore the facts, and live as if nothing happened, there are much simpler solutions.”

“…What kind of solutions?”

“Stop seeing the other person as a human being.”

Fabio spoke as if he were discussing something entirely natural and ordinary.

“When a soldier thrusts a spear into an enemy’s flank, wouldn’t it be better to forget that this person also has parents who raised them? It’s the same for a Holy Knight. You simply think that since that person committed a sin, whatever treatment they receive is their own doing. But you chose not to stop thinking, and you chose not to be at peace.”

Fabio spoke while enveloping Athanas’s hand in his own.

“Athanas, you are not weak; you are a good person. A weak person would have thought that becoming numb was the same as becoming strong. But you were wary of that. If someone like you quit being a Holy Knight, would you really be able to live in peace? On the contrary, you would suffer more. You would constantly think of the people you could have saved if you hadn’t run away.”

“…….”

“It is a task that must be done regardless. In that case, think of it this way: isn’t it a stroke of luck for those being condemned that someone like you, who sees beings outside the Order as human, continues to handle this work?”

“…If I say that, I feel they would be quite outraged.”

Fabio laughed aloud.

“Of course they would! Well, what do they know? Don’t pay them any mind. Doesn’t a foolish beast jump and try to flee in terror even when someone is doing something good for it?”

“A foolish beast…”

“Isn’t that a fitting metaphor? They are people who gave up eternal salvation just to avoid immediate punishment. You said they are people who would spit out resentment and curses in fear, not even knowing that you are trying to save them. How is that different from a stupid beast?”

“I do not think so.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then it’s even better. Because if they are human, they will eventually realize. That what you did for me was not deception, but salvation.”

…Athanas felt a surge of nausea.

It was difficult for Athanas to look directly at Fabio’s face, so he lowered his head.

“Thank you. This has been a great help.”

“Don’t mention it. Athanas, the answer was already inside you.”

The voice that had been full of anger and fear was now so tender.

“…Still, thanks to you, I was able to solidify my resolve.”

“You’re not quitting?”

“Yes.”

Athanas hesitated, then gripped Fabio’s hand back.

“I realized that what I should truly fear is not being resented by you, but failing to save you forever because I hesitated.”

“What?”

“…I will do what I must. Since you called me a savior.”

“When did I…”

Athanas activated [Regression].

* * *

I don’t want to deceive.

I want to confess the truth.

I want them to understand me, trust me, and cooperate with me.

The essence of that feeling was, in the end, selfishness.

He had wanted someone to recognize what he was doing, to help him and encourage him.

Athanas felt deeply ashamed upon realizing this.

Because he wanted his own heart to be at peace, he had caused others pain time and time again.

“He who fabricates the revelations of God shall have his head severed and hung upon my pole as an example… A Holy Knight surely knows this verse.”

A bloodlust sharper than a blade pierced through Athanas.

“Speak. What is the reason you approached ‘Fabio,’ even to the point of forging Valentine’s revelations?”

‘…I must not care, even if I am treated as a madman.’

Knowing that turning back time would make it as if it never happened, yet never crossing the line—in a world where Order is eternal, that might be a virtue and a form of modesty.

But in a world overflowing with uncertain dangers like this, adhering to such principles of action was beyond being old-fashioned; it was irresponsible.

He had to make the most of the opportunities he had.

“…What other reason could there be besides falling in love?”

“What?”

“If you are scolding me for following him in secret instead of confessing boldly, I will answer that it was because I was that desperate. I wanted to know about him before confessing. That is why I dared to forge Valentine’s revelations. For the Lord would surely forgive the atrocities of a foolish young man fallen in love.”

“You love ‘Fabio’?”

The Halo trembled slightly.

‘…If I answer, those eyes will judge it as a lie.’

Then he would be condemned for the crime of forging the revelation of the God of Love without actually loving, and for the crime of perjury before an apostle.

‘If Fabio steps in then…’

Athanas re-examined the flow of the upcoming conversation and quickly organized the questions he wanted to ask.

The opportunities to turn back time were limited.

He could not waste this moment.

“Answer me.”

“…Yes. I love him.”

Sextus furrowed his brow.

‘If I think for too long, it will be discovered that I’m plotting something.’

Therefore, he had to maintain his composure as much as possible.

So as not to seem unnatural…

“What you just said…”

The pointed sword was withdrawn.

“…is the truth.”

“Pardon?”

Fabio asked back, startled.

“Wait, what did you just say? The truth?”

“Regrettably, yes. If it had been a lie, I could have just chopped off your head for the crime of perjury…”

“…Did he say he likes me?”

“Why, do you hate it? If you hate it, shall I cleanly erase the memory of meeting him? I cannot erase romantic feelings, but I can make it so you never remember who you loved.”

“No, it’s not that…”

Fabio seemed confused.

“Common sense says that’s impossible! Could he be under some kind of curse? No, he definitely must be!”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because it makes no sense for him to like me!”

“…Why does it make no sense? I like you too, Fabio.”

“Ter-nim, you pity me as an apostle! But that person over there has barely spoken a few words to me and suddenly says he likes me! Those are completely different!”

“It’s not necessarily because I pity you…”

“Look at me! Is this a face that would attract interest just by passing by? Unless you’re looking for some pushover who will obediently do whatever you ask, this is a face that wouldn’t even stand out! How could anyone fall for this face? My charm is a 30! 30!”

“…I think it’s fine.”

“No, this is not the time to give me empty compliments to comfort me! Ter-nim! Who can perform a psychiatric evaluation? Should we call the Saintess? The Saintess should be able to break a curse, right?”

‘There’s no need to react to that extent.’

Athanas was honestly bewildered, but seeing Fabio’s commotion made him feel relatively calm.

If the desire to save a person is not ‘love,’ then what is it?

Rather, it was embarrassing that it had been judged as not love until now.

‘…Come to think of it, he probably still believes that romance between men is forbidden.’

If so, his surprise was understandable.

Since he had confessed a heart that deviated from the Order in front of an apostle…

‘…The situation is a bit tangled, but if I make Sextus wary again, it will flow similarly.’

“Fabio, there is something I want to say.”

“Wait! Stop!”

Fabio shouted very firmly.

“Ter-nim, can you make it so that no one can hear what this person is saying right now?”

“I can.”

“Suddenly why…”

Before Athanas could ask the reason, the Blessing of Silence stole his voice.

“…….”

“I’m sorry. But Athanas, you’ll thank me later. Once the curse is broken, you’ll definitely regret the words you were about to say.”

“…….”

“The Saintess said she’ll be here soon, so please wait a moment.”

“…….”

“Anyway, it must be a curse.”

Athanas found it a bit absurd, but he decided to wait without turning back time.

He was curious to see how Fabio would react once it was confirmed that it wasn’t a ‘curse.’

* * *

“There is no curse.”

“What? That can’t be…!”

“Fabio, I, the foremost apostle of the Lord, guarantee it. That man is not under the influence of a miracle that causes emotional distortion.”

“Then it’s really…”

“He really likes you.”

“No, but a man liking a man…”

The Saintess used the Blessing of Soundproofing and spoke to Fabio at length.

The sound was not audible, but he could guess the content.

‘…She probably told him that he was mistaken.’

He couldn’t see what kind of expression Fabio had, but he could tell his ears had turned bright red.

Athanas gauged the time.

‘There are only 5 minutes left…’

It wasn’t his original intention, but the current situation was an opportunity that would never come again.

If it weren’t for a situation like this, the moment Athanas said he loved him, it would be immediately dismissed as a lie.

‘I must confirm why he denied the possibility of love so vehemently.’

“…Athanas.”

Fabio asked, unable to meet his eyes.

“What… do you like about me? What made you like me? Since when…”

“Is a reason absolutely necessary for liking someone?”

“It is! That way I can avoid it!”

“…Avoid it?”

“Honestly, how many words have we even exchanged? What do you know about me? Love felt without knowing anything is nothing more than a delusion. I don’t want to experience discomfort because of such a delusion.”

“Whether it’s a delusion or not…”

“Love is also one of the emotions. Just as a person can suppress anger and overcome sadness, love can also be ignored. You just have to not be swayed by emotion. If you don’t add more firewood to the embers, the fire goes out, doesn’t it?”

“…Do you hate that I love you?”

“Do I hate it? Of course I do!”

“Why do you hate it?”

“Ha, I suppose a reason is needed to hate something too?”

“…That way I can fix that point.”

“I feel the same way! No, I’m rejecting you this much, do you have no intention of folding your heart?”

Athanas pondered for a moment on how to answer.

“…That is correct.”

“Then it can’t be helped.”

Fabio quickly hid behind Sextus and shouted: “Ter-nim. I request Oblivion!”

“Right. I’ll erase it cleanly. Oh, shall I make you forget the Branch Office as well? Then you’ll never come back here…”

…Athanas used [Regression].

* * *

“Ah, you’re awake?”

“…Was it necessary to go that far?”

“Pardon?”

“It’s nothing.”

Chapter 72