#066

Of course, players who converted to Order! The Church of Order, fully prepared in advance! A game that ended before it even began! Order is eternal!

‘…I thought it would be a hopeful scenario like that.’

The reality was a combination of a cult that didn’t even know what players were, unreliable players, lax security, and a complete lack of anyone actually doing their jobs.

Moreover, it had been nearly half a year since I possessed this body before I even arrived at the cult.

They hadn’t figured out anything about players in all that time?

‘If I just stay still, won’t hell break loose on the Day the Starry Sky Opens?’

My belief that things were running smoothly had crumbled.

Of course, I would have to investigate exactly how ruined things were from here on out, but…

‘…First, I need time to organize my thoughts.’

This isn’t a game where I can just reload a save after clicking the wrong option.

I have to be careful with every single word.

Right now, I knew too little.

‘For now, let’s focus on pretending to be Fabio, the clueless serf.’

Fabio had been told that he was once a woman from a noble house.

How should Fabio react to that? A strong denial that it couldn’t be? Say that he doesn’t understand what she means? Or perhaps say that he’s always felt something was off?

“You seem confused.”

‘…I’ve already made it obvious that I’m flustered, so I need a reason for it.’

I covered my mouth with my hand.

“I-it’s a strange feeling. I certainly don’t know that name, but as soon as I heard it, my stomach churned….”

“There is no need to force yourself to remember. Oblivion is sometimes a blessing.”

“…But didn’t you say I couldn’t be free from that past? What will happen if I remain ignorant of it?”

I thought from the Saintess’s perspective.

If she didn’t know about the existence of players and could only see the playlogs?

The Happy Cult Evangelist—no, ‘Fabio’—would have looked like a being who did nothing but offer prayers and die repeatedly.

‘That was only because Happy God was an idiot, but….’

It made sense why the Saintess told ‘Fabio’ that he was allowed to live.

‘She saw me as a pitiful girl who Order failed to save, and thus prayed to an Othergod for salvation.’

I had wondered why the Saintess was excessively kind.

I had thought, ‘To that extent for a goblin?’

But when I replaced the goblin in my imagination with a pitiful, abused girl, the picture became far more convincing.

‘…Won’t her expression immediately turn to disillusionment once she learns the truth about the player?’

Anyway.

Why did she decide she had to tell me about my past?

The Saintess paused for a moment before speaking.

“You will eventually feel a sense of dissonance. There are many things you do unconsciously that a serf like ‘Fabio’ would never do. When you begin to wonder where such habits came from, I thought you would feel even greater anxiety if you knew nothing of your past.”

‘My behavior wasn’t like a serf’s?’

I thought I had tried my best….

‘Then again, if a modern person dropped into the Middle Ages, they would probably look like a foreign noble.’

Reading books silently, liking to bathe, unconsciously thinking the clothes were coarse, and reacting to food a serf could never dream of by saying it wasn’t as bad as expected.

Looking back, there were quite a few moments where I hadn’t acted like a serf.

‘Come to think of it, I used a fork naturally when eating.’

Considering that wooden spoons were all I had while living as a serf, I should have hesitated or wondered how to use a fork the first time I saw one.

As a modern person, it’s more questionable how one could find a fork—an intuitive utensil, unlike chopsticks—unfamiliar, but….

‘More people ate with their hands in the Middle Ages.’

I only realized my mistake when Elamin mentioned it took him several weeks to adjust to using a fork.

Other than that….

‘When else did Elamin look at me with a dubious expression?’

When I suddenly grabbed his chin and asked what he thought the other person’s intention was in such a situation?

‘But isn’t that exactly something a real serf wouldn’t know?’

How many Miracles would a serf see in their lifetime?

That was something a noble born with Divine Bloodline would have recognized immediately….

‘…Wait.’

Suddenly, I felt the puzzle pieces clicking into place in my head.

‘Elamin asked me things like this.’

‘How would you feel if a man said he wanted to visit your room?’

‘What intention do you think a man has if he fumbles with your body or tries to undress you?’

‘What do you think would happen if a man suddenly grabbed your chin and brought his face so close that your lips almost touched?’

And then, this sudden, out-of-the-blue question from the Saintess, who said she was about to tell me something important….

‘Fabio. Do you know that sexual acts can occur between members of the same sex?’

‘…Fuck.’

I felt a shock that made the back of my head tingle.

‘Why did I assume homosexuality was forbidden?’

Because homosexuals were terribly persecuted in the Middle Ages?

And because the Dark Realm has many similarities to the Middle Ages?

But the fact that homosexuality was so terribly persecuted in the Middle Ages meant that it was that prevalent in the first place.

Why would anyone forbid or punish it if no one was doing it?

And if it overflowed even in the Middle Ages where it was strictly forbidden and punished, then what about the Dark Realm, where it isn’t specifically forbidden by Doctrine?

‘…There are probably just normally gay people.’

My face suddenly flushed with shame.

‘How embarrassing….’

It was so humiliating that after calling the Middle Ages land primitive and all, I was the one most steeped in prejudice.

In a world where homosexuality is natural, I was the only one acting like, ‘Same sex… dating? That’s so strange… I can’t even imagine it!’

It was a problem I could have realized was based on groundless stereotypes if I had just thought about it a little deeper….

‘No wonder I’m treated like someone who’s been locked away their whole life without even receiving homeschooling.’

The Saintess probably intended to leave me in ignorance, but after seeing me give an answer like ‘Same? Sex? Sexual acts??’, she must have felt I was a hopeless case.

“…I just realized. Men can… normally be in romantic relationships, right? Here in the Capital Church.”

No wonder Elamin looked at me as if wondering what to do with this guy.

He probably felt like he’d met someone who, when asked what the phrase ‘Nobody’s home, do you want to come over for ramen?’ meant, interpreted it as ‘My parents aren’t home today, so there’s no one to scold us for eating unhealthy food!’

“That is correct. Even if they don’t become romantic partners, many engage in light dating.”

“Then, asking a Chanter to read the Scripture is perhaps….”

‘Was that an invitation to date?’

I wondered why he would specifically ask me.

But then again, there are people who see a giant isopod and think, ‘I wonder if I can eat this?’ and actually try it….

“Ah, that is a request to spend the night together.”

“…What?”

‘Using the phrase “read the Scripture” for that… and it’s not blasphemy?’

While my brain momentarily stalled, the Saintess continued.

“Hmm. I should explain this as well. Chanters are usually people who enjoyed many privileges as nobles before receiving their Ordination. Consequently, many feel their current situation is miserable after being ordained as a Chanter.”

I frowned deeply.

‘Those silver-spoon bastards with their full bellies?’

“Therefore, quite a few wish to become the lovers of nobles to regain wealth and influence. Even without such goals, we often see those who simply pursue their own pleasure….”

‘So you’re saying these silver-spooners who couldn’t inherit are trying to become rich people’s gigolos.’

I recalled how Nasir had been utterly disgusted by the Chanters.

‘I should have asked for more details back then….’

But if Chanters are like that, why did he suggest it to me?

“Of course, since such nighttime activities are not the duty of a Chanter, there is absolutely no need to comply. It’s just that there are many such people; it’s not actually the Chanter’s job. I thought Casimir would naturally teach you these things….”

The Saintess let out a small sigh.

“What use is wearing a blue Pasia if you do not know its meaning? Casimir was careless.”

“…What does a blue Pasia mean?”

“Blue means there is one person whom they serve with all their heart and body. Therefore, usually, just pointing to the Pasia one is wearing serves as an expression of refusal.”

‘…So it was a sign that you have a lover.’

And because I didn’t know that, I said something like, ‘I have a lover, but my lover didn’t tell me not to commit adultery’?

‘Wow, fuck.’

I really hate this.

“Then what does the garter with a name engraved on it mean?”

“…Who gave you a garter?”

“Lady Casimir gave it to me.”

“Did she not explain anything while giving it?”

“She said if I show it to people who are being bothersome, they will stop….”

The Saintess made a small humming sound.

“…A garter is a sort of mark of ownership, signifying that if anyone other than the owner removes it, the owner will challenge them to a duel.”

“What?”

“Of course, it is not in the realm of a notarized contract like marriage, but it is considered a legitimate reason for a duel under customary law for the owner of a garter to challenge someone who has had an intimate relationship with their lover.”

‘What the….’

It was a mark like, ‘This guy is Casimir’s property!’?

‘Then fuck, she should have told me.’

I knew it was strange.

I wondered how it could possibly result in anything other than a bizarre image, and it turns out it was something you’d only show in a truly strange situation.

“The number of people in this Capital Church who could duel Casimir and keep their head attached is countable on one hand… so it would have been effective.”

‘…You can actually take someone’s head off in a duel?’

Does that mean weak people just have to endure injustice?

‘And the Main God is the God of Order and Judgment….’

“Still, I am glad you understand now that I’ve explained these things. I was worried about what would happen if you didn’t.”

‘……?’

Did I look that much of an idiot?

“Ah, I was considering the possibility that a Being Beyond the Starry Sky had intentionally cast a cognitive distortion on you, preventing any explanation from reaching you.”

‘Cognitive distortion….’

I had been so bad at grasping the situation that she suspected I was under such a curse.

Certainly, knowing how my words must have sounded to others and looking back, it was incredibly embarrassing.

It felt like I had gone around shouting ‘You are so hot!’ when I meant to say ‘You look like you’re overheating.’

‘Wait.’

Setting aside that legendary bastard and Elamin.

‘Then what did Ter understand when I said it was okay for him to do whatever he wanted?’

When I looked toward Ter, he avoided my gaze with a slightly flushed face.

“…I didn’t know you didn’t mean it in that way.”

I was momentarily stunned.

‘So that Tartarus bastard actually understood it in that sense?’

Suddenly, the back of my neck felt itchy.

‘Then back then….’

Does that mean if Adna hadn’t stormed in, he would have attempted a full exchange of oral bacteria?

‘Wasn’t this guy pining for Adna?’

His heart belongs to Adna, but anyone is fine for a one-night stand?

“Are you disappointed in me…?”

‘Of course I’m disappointed.’

If he was going to be that protective, shouldn’t he maintain his own chastity?

Even if a partner with a charm stat in the four digits had fed him a marriage potion and forced themselves on him, it would be hard to justify, yet here he was, ready to gobble me up just because a giant isopod said, ‘You may eat me’?

‘What a total turn-off.’

Chapter 67