By Zephyria 
“She passed away during the Great Cataclysm. On the very first day.”
Though a long time had passed since the Great Cataclysm, the grief of losing her mother had apparently not dulled, as Hyo-ju Agnes’s expression grew somber. However, the voice recounting the memories was not consumed by sadness.
“The World Cup matches were on every TV channel, so I pestered my parents because I wanted to see it in person.”
Because the fever had been so intense nationwide, the only tickets available at the time were scalped ones with exorbitant premiums. However, an acquaintance happened to have a change of plans and could no longer attend. Since her father, who worked rotating shifts, couldn’t find the time, he and her younger sibling stayed home, and only she and her mother went to Seoul to see the World Cup match.
And then, the Great Cataclysm struck.
“I don’t know the full details, but I think my mother’s previous marriage wasn’t happy. Still, she regretted leaving her older brothers behind for the rest of her life. …That’s probably why. Why she made that choice.”
Tormented by the guilt of fleeing alone and leaving two children behind, her mother did not run away when faced with a similar crossroads once more. The mother, who died saving her child, sobbed apologies until the very moment her final breath faded.
Hyo-ju Agnes clenched and unclenched her hand once. As if feeling the last warmth of her mother etched into her palm.
“She told me she was sorry while looking at me, but in truth, don’t you think she wanted to say those words to my brothers?”
“….”
“I want to find my brothers and deliver my mother’s words, but given the state of the world… My mother didn’t want to be a burden, so she never told me their names exactly, which makes them even harder to find.”
As she spoke awkwardly, rubbing the tip of her nose, Kim Si-baek replied with a sigh-like tone.
“I’m sure your brothers know your mother’s heart well.”
“I hope so. Oh, I’ll take this and put it away!”
Perhaps suddenly feeling embarrassed after finishing her long story, Hyo-ju Agnes hurriedly tidied up the trash bags and carried them toward the food truck. Over her receding figure, the lingering image of a mother who had fried plenty of pork cutlets before leaving home flickered.
It is a relief. That a mother who spent her whole life running away finally found a place of rest. The mother, who had never once shown a smiling face, left a bright smile on the face of the daughter who looked exactly like her. That was enough.
Kim Si-baek rubbed his face roughly, calming his turbulent chest. Recalling Hyo-ju Agnes’s conversation, he slowly absorbed the traces of his mother. He learned more through this conversation with Hyo-ju Agnes than he had during his childhood living under one roof with her as family.
The longing for a hometown that was resented yet unforgettable. Names carved one by one into her children like sculptures. The guilt she had to carry for a lifetime, like a nail driven into her heart. The children she left behind and could not forget. Mother.
Suddenly, a cold realization pierced his brain with a sharp cry.
Hyo-ju Agnes didn’t say “half-brother,” but “half-brothers.” She even specified the name ‘Cheuk-baek’ (Thuja) given to the eldest.
…How do my mother and Sister Hyo-ju Agnes have no memory of me?
✽ ✽ ✽
In the dark laboratory, illuminated by the pale light of the monitor, only the small sound of a mouse clicking echoed. Cloud could predict the contents of the email he had just received without even clicking it.
Your records are severed as you did not enter the country through official procedures.
Seoul has not been reclaimed, and nearly 40 years have passed; it is impossible to locate the area of residence based on fragmentary descriptions alone.
The re-registration of people who died before the Great Cataclysm is very slow unless a family member reports it.
Please try to remember at least the name of your father or brother.
These were the results of investigations repeated through countless agencies for ten years. New investigations commissioned to new agencies differed only in the method of inquiry and format; the core remained the same.
Since he had no expectations, he felt no disappointment, and Cloud closed the internet window without emotion.
Forty years had passed. His memories of the time he lived in Seoul under a different name were extremely opaque and blurred.
The ‘outside of the room’ that he knew consisted entirely of the yard, and he had never conversed with anyone other than his family. To be precise, his brother was everything. For in his father’s conversations, there was only violence and shouting.
The reason he managed not to forget his old name was that his brother always called him by it. Even when he gave no answer, his brother never grew annoyed, always remaining steady and kind. For Cloud, his brother was the beginning and the end of his childhood.
Though now even his face was blurred and could not be properly recalled.
To a young child, the man was remembered not by a name but simply as ‘Father,’ the mother had disappeared before he even realized it, and the brother, much like the father, was simply ‘Brother.’ Even when the father called the brother, the term used was not a name, but ‘this brat’ or ‘unlucky bastard.’
He did not know the location, let alone the address of the house where he lived. He only managed to reach the fact that Seoul was his hometown by tracing back the organization that had trafficked him to the United States.
Cloud recalled a past that would evoke pity in others, but to him, was merely a list of indifferent facts.
Forty years ago in Seoul, from that place.
It was a strange morning when his father, who always looked at him with contempt or ignored him, unexpectedly brought him medicine and water. He kept his lips tightly shut because he didn’t want to eat anything other than the food his brother gave him, but his father forced his mouth open and shoved the medicine down his throat.
It was likely a sleeping pill or something with a similar effect. When he woke up from a deep sleep, his head felt as if it were splitting, and strangers were looking down at him.
His brother was nowhere to be seen. Rather than the fear of being dragged to an unfamiliar place and surrounded by strangers, the child curled his body into a ball out of the loneliness of his brother’s absence.
The subsequent events were inferred by the adult Cloud based on facts revealed when the human trafficking organization was dismantled. Cloud listed his past, habitually numbering the turning points.
A. The grandson of a certain Congressman suffered from dilated cardiomyopathy.
The golden hour for a heart transplant is four hours. For the safe transport of the heart and rapid surgery, the child was smuggled into the United States via Canada using a forged passport coordinated by the Congressman. However, before reaching the operating table, the grandson, who had been receiving immunosuppressants, ultimately passed away.
The child’s position became precarious in an instant, and the organization looked for another opportunity to sell him at a high price.
B. A young Chinese woman married an elderly wealthy man.
Like an animal hoarder, she indiscriminately adopted East Asian orphans and flaunted their misfortune and the luck she provided through the media. A child who was particularly pretty and bright, making him good for display, was also sold at a high price.
The organization’s lie, which passed off mild autism as shyness, was soon exposed. It took less than a week for the child to be neglected.
Subsequently, the marriage between the Chinese woman and the wealthy man collapsed, and all the children were returned.
C. The returned child was officially registered at a child welfare center.
There was a couple who took in and adopted an East Asian child suffering from autism and with no known past into a foster home.
The couple asked their acquaintances in the Korean diaspora and gave him the name ‘Cloud,’ derived from the only syllable the child remembered. It was only after the name Cloud had become familiar to the family’s lips that he learned that even characters with the same pronunciation could have various meanings depending on the Hanja.
The turning points of Cloud’s life end here.
For Cloud, parents were not the man and woman who provided his DNA, nor the Chinese woman and the wealthy man, but the couple who was the final turning point. His family consists of his current parents and siblings.
The only person he wanted to add to this was his brother. The person who always whispered his name and held him in his arms, ensuring he did not forget his roots.
But he does not even know his brother’s name. It is unclear how old his brother is. He does not know where the house he lived in with his brother was. He does not know which school his brother attended.
Those around him discouraged him, saying that searching for his brother was a futile effort. They mocked him bitterly, saying it was no different from throwing money into a trash can.
The evaluations of others didn’t matter. However, he was now exhausted from blindly digging and immersing himself in a search, knowing full well the result would likely be a lack of answers.
Cloud took off his glasses and pressed his forehead. His head ached. Just like when he woke up after being forced to take sleeping pills as a child.
Perhaps it was finally time to give up on finding his brother.