By Zephyria 
Anyway, the good thing was that the endless repetition he had experienced without knowing anything was already a thing of the past. He sensed it. If even the present, which was so vividly alive, was a meaningless life that would converge without a trace in an infinite repetition, he would not have recognized Noah or remembered the past, unlike before. In a way, he might have remembered everything because he recognized and loved Noah. Well, whatever the actual reason is, it doesn’t matter.
Ever since he woke up from a nightmare worse than a nightmare, he had been like this. His mood fluctuated. When he thought of Noah, who was chirping so beautifully and flying into his arms, he became infinitely happy, but when he thought of the past atrocities he had committed against Noah, he felt like the most pathetic and unhappy person in the world.
He wanted to go see Noah right away. But the last fear was holding him captive and wouldn’t let him go.
If…, if it were really true that Noah also possessed all these shocking memories. Then, what would become of the glorious future with Noah that he had painstakingly crafted? Even upon self-reflection, it was utterly nonsensical that Noah Hamilton, knowing everything, could genuinely love Adrian Pearson.
If the certain kind of…, creakiness, or minor discomfort he had occasionally felt from Noah, was all because he was feigning a false love, then what should he do?
The Adrian Pearson who had lived his life without ever questioning his own path, only running forward, was gone. Now, only a defeated person, lost and stopped, remained alone in the middle of a crossroads.
If this was revenge, it was the best and most optimal revenge. There seemed to be no more powerful means of punishment to wield against the arrogant sinner who had repeatedly interfered with and tried to destroy Noah’s life for loving another.
He had never felt this way even when he thought he loved Allen. He was simply pleased to have found someone to his liking, and thought he could simply cherish him appropriately. Allen Hamilton was, after all, nothing more than a convenient component to maintain Adrian Pearson’s glorious life.
But now it was different. Noah Hamilton… was definitely different. Perhaps the beginning was similar. But just the thought that the heart he thought he shared with him might have been a lie caused such a terrible sadness and fear, as if his heart was being torn into a thousand pieces. He was not just a component. Adrian thought. Even as a component to protect Noah Hamilton’s peaceful life, he hoped he was someone Noah absolutely needed.
Since when was it? That a small acorn he thought he could just hold in his hand and manipulate as he pleased, was embedded in his heart. Embedded so deeply that it felt like it would never come out, even if he died. That he would rather die than lose it.
Instead of summoning Noah immediately, Adrian desperately composed himself for several days. It was because he didn’t want to add another layer to the tower of sin he had already built so high.
In his head, he calculated how to start a conversation with Noah countless times. In the imagined scenarios, Adrian Pearson, with his usual relaxed and serious demeanor, casually asked Noah about the past and asked for forgiveness. Without even considering the possibility of being rejected.
But all of that was meaningless anticipation. As soon as the carriage door opened and the dazzling blonde hair, bathed in soft sunlight, came into view, he was anxious. He wanted to kneel at his feet and beg him to love him unchanged, even if he really remembered, and to shout at the top of his lungs whether he really loved him.
Instead of kneeling, he picked up Noah’s body and hugged him. Then, he headed to the back garden, decorated in Noah’s taste with cute and charming things, intending to call Noah whenever he missed him in between official duties.
When the time came to ask, he couldn’t open his mouth. Elegant composure? No way. His actions preceded his thoughts, and so his lips moved as they pleased. Do you truly love me? In the end, that was the only thing he was most curious about and the most important thing. The only thing Adrian Pearson desperately wanted from Noah Hamilton. Love.
To him asking for love, Noah still whispered in a beautiful voice, “Of course.” It was a voice that was no different from before, but it was of no comfort to Adrian. The fact that the voice answering his love was no different from before meant that Noah Hamilton had never confessed true love even once.
As expected, Noah remembered everything.
The conclusion was clear.
Noah Hamilton had never loved Adrian Pearson. He might have been quietly burning with anger towards the enemy who ruined his life.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered this possibility. First, he would politely ask for forgiveness for the sins of the past…
“My beloved. I truly tell you that from now on, you will not be able to take a single step outside my bedchamber.”
“Adrian…?”
Forgiveness, and then…
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t love me that much. It’s not like I’ve only wronged you once or twice, so what if I add one more time?”
…
“I will never let you go again. Even if you die and are buried, you must be buried by my side.”
The Royal Wedding was only four days away. Noah Hamilton did not express any negative intentions, such as wanting to cancel the Royal Wedding or resenting him. Nevertheless, Adrian Pearson was unbearably anxious. He felt like he could only breathe if he forcibly tied him to his side somehow. Even though Noah was right in front of him, he was anxious and restless, as if he would disappear somewhere. Why? Was it like a thief feeling guilty? It was an emotion that couldn’t be explained by that alone, but Adrian had no time to be aware of such things. He was just desperately focused on keeping Noah by his side.
His big eyes, wide with surprise, were pretty. He had to ask for forgiveness. He had to ask for forgiveness, but… in the end… what if the conclusion was that he wouldn’t accept it? What if pretending to love him was actually just an expression of his intention to take revenge on him? And so, now that he had achieved his revenge, what if he came to the conclusion that he would leave his side?
“Please accept it. The fact that the human you love, and the human you should love, is such a vulgar and foolish person.”
The frightened coward spoke well. Still. He was still strongly embracing Noah Hamilton’s entire body with his arms.
“Empress, may I bring in dinner?”
“…….”
“Empress.”
“…….”
“…I apologize. I will bring it in.”
Clang, clang. The sound of chains being unlocked was loud outside the door. It was Adrian’s handiwork, who had stubbornly locked me in the Sun Palace without even thinking of listening to me further. Just a while ago, when he came to pick me up from the Count’s residence, he called me Your Highness, but since I’ve been locked up, he’s been calling me Empress. Even though the ceremony hasn’t officially taken place yet.
The servants who brought the lavish meal on a trolley couldn’t even make eye contact with me and quickly moved their hands. Their rapidly moving fingertips trembled slightly. I could feel their anxious hearts. They seemed to think that I would be very upset. They probably thought that even if I made a fuss, demanding to be let out immediately, Adrian would not accept it, so they hoped that only the innocent shrimp’s back would be broken in the whale fight.
But in fact, I wasn’t that angry, and I didn’t have the mind to cause a commotion, demanding to be sent back right away. I was just a little tired. It had been like that ever since I found out that Adrian had remembered the past.
It hadn’t been long since my head, which had been blankly frozen as if I had suddenly suffered an accident, had started to move again.
I had thought that in any case, it would be impossible for anyone other than Allen or me to awaken this repeated Iteration. Even Carlisle, who was under the influence of the Ancient God and had the power to oppose Allen, had only recalled the memories of the very first life, and had not realized that this life was being repeated countless times.
If Adrian had realized it, then perhaps Carlisle or others…? If that were really the case, then for what reason…?
‘Be free, my Young-won.’
‘…….’
‘…Please, be happy. My rest.’
I wanted to ask Allen, who was rambling on his own and had fallen into an unawakening sleep. If this was really the way for me to be free. If giving everyone their past memories now… was really the way for me to be happy.
Perhaps the atmosphere of Frederick and Andrew, who had been particularly strange for the past few days, was also…
Ha, just thinking about it made me feel overwhelmed. It was definitely my fault. I had been trying not to think about it, but perhaps everyone could live smoothly and happily without me.
“Maybe it’s better to just… end it all here…”
The servants who had prepared the meal left the room again and firmly locked the door from the outside. I mumbled blankly, looking at the cutlery knife prepared for cutting the steak.
Soft and hopeful words like happiness and freedom seemed to have little to do with me. Even if I had them now, I didn’t think I would be that happy.
It was then. Suddenly, a firm palm stretched out from behind and covered my eyes like a curtain.
“Oh, my. You shouldn’t be looking at such terrible things.”
“…Lennox?”
“Yes, Empress. It’s your Lennox.”