By Zephyria 
“Cha Soo-kyung.”
As I drifted off into thought for a moment, he snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. My vacant gaze regained focus, and I met those black pupils that held only me.
“Let’s kiss.”
“…”
“It’s because you’re cute. If you kiss me, I’ll tell you everything.”
With an excessively loud sigh, Kwon Yi-kang drew closer. Fearing he might irritate my swollen nose, he tilted his head, and his lips touched mine lightly before pulling away, then pressed and rubbed more firmly with a slight gap. At the contact of soft skin, I opened my closed eyes and saw the man’s handsome face.
“I wonder if someone set a ranking for things like ‘roots’ or ‘bloodlines’.”
“…”
“You’d be surprised how many times I heard that I have no roots today.”
“Who did you meet?”
“Grandfather.”
I took the bottle and gulped down the wine, pouring it until it almost overflowed the glass. Strangely, the more I drank, the thirstier I became.
“I learned that a person can be this cruel. No, I already knew that… but I was surprised that people who are so wealthy, well-educated, and live so well can do things that are inhuman.”
“Human nature is inherently vile.”
“Right. I thought wealthy people only did cultured things because they talked so much about manners and dignity. But they use that culture as a shield to treat people who don’t fit their standards as less than human.”
After filling and drinking two glasses, there were only a few sips left. As I was sucking on the mouth of the wine bottle, Kwon Yi-kang, unable to watch any longer, collected the empty bottle and glass from my hand.
“I gave it to you to relax, not to chug the whole bottle like that.”
“It’s fine. You gave it to me to drink anyway. More importantly, let’s lie down together. I’m a bit cold.”
At my gesture, Kwon Yi-kang lifted the covers and slid in beside me. I shivered when he placed the ice pack on the bridge of my nose.
“It’s cold.”
“Keep it on anyway. That’s how the swelling goes down.”
“Can’t you take off your clothes? They’re damp and clammy.”
“If that was an excuse to get me to strip, it was natural.”
“Am I finally joining the ranks of the pros?”
Kwon Yi-kang, having removed the shirt and pants he was wearing, moved closer and shared his body heat. I reached out and hugged his waist, feeling the warmth being transmitted.
“While everyone else was eating, he stood alone and served Grandfather’s meal, and while everyone else was drinking tea, he knelt and washed Grandfather’s feet. He did that for twenty years, and other fathers and children just watched. The father who gave birth to him was treated like that, and Cha Soo-kyung—no, I—must have just watched it too. Funny, isn’t it? That such an absurd situation is tolerated.”
“Why were you hit?”
“Because the crazy bastard inside me woke up.”
“This is not the timing for jokes.”
“I’m serious. I felt so sorry for that person. Setting aside the relationship of being a father, just as one person to another, I felt so sorry I wanted to cry.”
He was someone I had no relationship with, yet I wanted to save him right then and there. He was someone I had no relationship with, yet I hated Grandfather so much. He was someone I had no relationship with, yet the faces watching were loathsome. So, I made a scene because I wanted to smash those expressions of pretending to be noble.
“And then the lunatic inside me woke up. Ah, I don’t know. Fuck. I just act first. That’s how I made a mess of things. Grandfather got so heated he couldn’t even respond properly. It was hilarious.”
“So that’s why you were hit.”
“Two slaps to the face, a nosebleed, and the inside of my mouth burst. That old man hit me very efficiently. And his strength was amazing. I guess Alphas don’t lose their strength even when they’re old. He’s great at kicking, too. He kicked me so hard I rolled across the floor.”
I babbled in a cheerful voice, but it seems it wasn’t cheerful at all from the listener’s perspective. Having listened quietly, he let out a low groan, gently pulled my head toward him, and kissed my temple.
“Being hit is fine. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt, but it’s not like my arms or legs are broken, so this is just child’s play.”
“Look at your body. It’s not fine at all.”
For Min Jae-hee, this was a familiar occurrence. There were many times he was hit for no reason, and many times he was wronged. Even so, I endured with spite, grit, and stubbornness. That was my way of surviving.
“I’ll be kind to those who are kind, gentle to those who are gentle, and cruel to those who are cruel. I’ll give back exactly what I receive. It’s only natural to get back what you put out. It would be unfair if I had to suffer helplessly just because those people have money and power. Even if I can’t hit them, I’ll at least throw a punch or a kick into the air. I’ll at least scream.”
At my agitated words, Kwon Yi-kang made a soft “shh” sound to calm me down. The touch patting my chest was gentle, and my heaving chest quickly steadied. I wanted to see the man’s face, but the ice pack covering my eyes blocked everything from view.
“Everyone was horrified. They had looks on their faces like, ‘What is wrong with that psycho?’ Grandfather said I was crazy. He told them to throw me into a psychiatric hospital. …If that ever happens… will you look for me?”
“That won’t happen.”
“My Omega father said so too. That it wouldn’t happen. That I wasn’t the type of person to go that far. …Still… I feel like if I disappeared for a moment, no one would care.”
When Min Jae-hee disappeared from this world, no one knew. No one cared, and no one grieved. Min Jae-hee died without leaving a single trace or lingering attachment.
Would it be the same when Cha Soo-kyung disappeared? Would no one look for Cha Soo-kyung, care for him, or grieve for him? Would Cha Soo-kyung also die without leaving any trace in this world?
“I’ll find you. I’ll find you and bring you back, so don’t worry.”
He is a kind, gentle, and sweet person. That’s why I liked Kwon Yi-kang. Because he showed a tenderness I had never experienced before, I found it awkward yet irresistible, and I kept hovering around him.
“I like you. …I like that you’re gentle.”
Instead of answering, he softly sucked on the nape of my neck. He rubbed his lips against me, licked me with his tongue, and nipped me with his teeth. His presence, transmitted through my skin, was what kept me grounded here.
“Why… do people live by harming others?”
Soo-kyung.
Only now could I understand the heart of the person who had uttered that question.
「Why do people live by harming others? Stealing precious things without a shred of regret or reflection. Ruining someone else’s life and then swaggering around as if they’ve earned a medal.」
Cha Soo-kyung.
I think I finally understand a little bit of the heart with which you wailed right before you died. I still don’t know the answer, but at least now, I share the same question as you.
∞ ∞ ∞
“You had a house?”
—Are there people who don’t have houses?
“I don’t know about rich young masters, but there are plenty of people in the world who live without a home. Of course, those people don’t live in hotels.”
Kwon Yi-kang burst out laughing at my words.
—You talk as if you aren’t a young master yourself.
The body is a young master, but the inside is someone who rolled around in the back alleys. In truth, I’m more accustomed to back-alley life than the life of a young master, but the man wouldn’t know that.
“Why have you been staying at a hotel all this time when you have a house?”
—Because my father has been illegally occupying my house. I was avoiding it for a while.
“Aha, family drama? I love that kind of complicated stuff.”
Lee Kyung-jin, who had gone to pick up the ordered bread and coffee, set them on the table and hesitantly sat in the chair opposite me. I gestured for him not to worry and to just drink, then took a sip of my iced coffee.
Ksh, iced coffee in winter—so damn cold.
“Then next time we meet, can I look forward to banging on the bed in your house?”
—Sometimes I feel like that’s the only thing on your mind when you meet me.
“Then what, should we play peek-a-boo? That’s the only thing there is to do. Besides, once I’ve come once, my heart becomes generous, and I’m happy just staring at the ceiling. Isn’t that right?”
—I find that a bit hard to agree with.
“Experiment with it next time we meet. I’ll let you know through your body.”
Lee Kyung-jin, who had been sipping his coffee with a face that suggested he heard nothing, had eyelids that flickered uncomfortably. Since I was sitting close, I could see his expression clearly, unlike before when I had only seen the back of his head.
“Driver Lee’s expression is rotting in real-time. I should hang up. Work hard, and think about when you’ll invite me over.”
—Where are you that you’re facing your driver?
“Where else? I’m at a cafe on the street drinking coffee.”
—With the driver?
“Then what, should I stand him behind my back and drink alone? Stop talking nonsense and I’m hanging up.”
He acted all prim and proper, saying he was working when he answered the phone, but now that I was hanging up, he started talking about other things. Remembering how he had cut me off during our first call, shouting to keep it brief, I pressed the end button first this time.
“Anyway, he’s cute.”
Lee Kyung-jin’s face, which had been pretending to be indifferent, crumpled miserably. Lee Kyung-jin must have seen Kwon Yi-kang too; doesn’t he think he’s cute?
“The coffee seems too bitter. Don’t they give sugar?”
“Shall I bring some syrup?”
“If they have it, please put some in. Lots of it.”
The coffee Lee Kyung-jin brought back was a bit better and finally at an edible level. As expected, coffee is for the sweetness. I nodded with satisfaction.
“Next time, please have something like a Cafe Mocha or a Caramel Macchiato.”
“Is that also coffee?”
There are so many things written on the cafe menu, but they are just names that are hard to guess. Would it be better if they wrote them in plain language? Since it’s all in English, I get confused just looking at the names, wondering what on earth they are.
“You seem to be on good terms with your partner.”
“Partner? I’m not sure. I just like it when we’re together.”
We haven’t explicitly labeled each other as partners, and the relationship isn’t clear, but when we meet, we have sex, talk, and eat. We do everything people in a romantic relationship do, but if asked if we are partners, even I would tilt my head and wonder, Are we? It was a subtle relationship.
“More importantly, how is this place?”
“The atmosphere is nice, and the coffee tastes decent.”
“No, not that. Do you think a cafe like this does a good business?”
“Yes, well…”
At my question, Lee Kyung-jin was racking his brain to figure out the intention behind the question. I could tell just by looking at his face. He must be wondering what this young master is thinking.
“What did you want to become, Driver Lee? I’m sure driving and following someone like me wasn’t your dream.”
I asked while pushing a piece of bread, topped with a tower of whipped cream and drenched in syrup, into my mouth.
“These days, people rarely dream of becoming presidents or astronauts. Even kids are realistic. Except for a few percent, most just do the studying the school tells them to, enter a university that fits their CSAT scores, and after graduating, do work unrelated to their major. If they’re lucky, they get a job at a company using their major, and if they’re even luckier, they become civil servants.”
“And you?”
“I originally wanted to be an athlete, but I didn’t have the skill to win medals. Still, since I had done sports, I thought about what I could do, and I found this line of work.”
“So you’re saying university or a major isn’t important?”
I wanted to hear that answer, but seeing the desperation on my face, Lee Kyung-jin shook his head.
“I didn’t exactly say that. A university’s reputation is still important.”
Feeling stifled, I downed the iced coffee in one shot and gripped my head as a tightening pain shot through it.
“As for me, I’ve never thought about wanting to become something or wanting to do something.”
Survival was urgent, and I was busy filling the tribute payments. I wished I could just be struck by a windfall of money, but I had never thought specifically about what work I wanted to do or what kind of person I wanted to be.
“I heard you paint. I heard you were accepted into a good university; do you not like your major?”
“Major or whatever, I have no talent for painting.”
“No, although I haven’t seen it, you have talent, Young Master. That’s why the university accepted you. I understand your anxiety, but there is plenty of time to learn what you lack at university.”
No, Lee Kyung-jin didn’t understand my words at all. I wasn’t talking about a lack of confidence or anxiety; I was talking about the literal absence of talent.
I don’t know how to paint, and the talent I had died along with Cha Soo-kyung. If I go to university now, I won’t even be able to draw a single apple. Unable to spit out the words surging inside me, I only let out a heavy groan.
“I’ve thought about it. What to do if I have nothing I want to do and nothing I can do. Since I at least have money, I’ll just pour money into it. Since I don’t have the talent to start a business, I’ll just do trade.”
“…What?”
“Look around. We looked at so many shops today.”
It wasn’t for nothing that I left the car and walked the streets with Lee Kyung-jin, snacking, eating, and drinking coffee. Lee Kyung-jin’s face stiffened slightly as he realized this belatedly.
“I don’t have the sense to run a clothing store, and since there’s no cooking I can do, I’d have to hire a chef to run a restaurant. PC cafes seem to do well, but they’re too chaotic.”
They’re noisy, dirty, and full of nightmare customers; plus, you have to know a lot about computers. I was a complete layman in both software and hardware.
“A cafe seems the most manageable. Anyway, the machine pulls the coffee, and they say if you learn for a few months, you can do all the coffee pulling. If I squeeze some initial capital out of the fathers and open one in a place with a good view or somewhere quiet, I should be able to make a living.”
“…Young Master. It’s good to think about various things for the future, but… no, it’s very good. It’s very good, but you still have plenty of time, so please think about it more slowly. Come to think of it, you’ll have to start school soon.”
“Yeees.”
“Until you graduate, no one will force you to do anything. During that time, you’ll be able to find something you actually want to do.”
That’s exactly the problem. I don’t know what to do the moment I go to school. They won’t make me do nothing but paint, but if a question is thrown at me during class, what answer can I give? Even if they make me paint, it’s a problem. I tried several times to copy the paintings Cha Soo-kyung drew, but I was at a level where I didn’t even know how they were drawn.
“It won’t work. I’ll be kicked out of school. I don’t know anything, so what can I do there? The school will contact home and it’ll be a disaster.”
“Universities don’t contact home because of a student’s attitude in class. More than that, I think you’re worrying too much; just try attending the classes first. If you still feel it’s too hard to keep up, taking a leave of absence for a while is also an option.”
“If I take a leave, I don’t go to school?”
“There is a maximum period for a leave of absence, but it will buy you time for your condition to fully recover.”
This seems like a good method. I’ll take a leave and use that time to find something I can do to make a living. I felt satisfied that a better solution had come up than when I was agonizing alone. I guess this is why people seek counseling.
“Thank you, Driver Lee. You really helped.”
When I grabbed his hand to express my gratitude, Lee Kyung-jin looked proud. Even though he said he didn’t originally want to do this job, he’s a very hardworking person. I should emulate someone like this.
“When I get home, I should tell Father that I’m taking a leave of absence.”
“Home, today? …Y-Young Master, you haven’t even had your entrance ceremony yet. …Please try attending for at least a little bit…”
Lee Kyung-jin’s face distorted instantly, and he was so flustered he even stuttered. Why is he acting like this again after we were proud of finding a solution together? I told him it was fine and held out a piece of bread to him. Whether it’s hands, eyelids, or lips, sugar is the best when something is shaking.
∞ ∞ ∞
Feeling good, I spent the evening wandering the streets and snacking plenty.
In the past, I was so desperate for every penny that my hands shook even when eating a bowl of udon at a street stall. I always looked for food that was cheap and plentiful. No matter how delicious expensive, small-portioned food looked, I turned my head and ignored it.
And yet, now I enjoy the luxury of holding skewers that cost a few thousand won in both hands. Living under the same sky, life differed this much depending on what parents one had. If my parents were alive, what kind of parents would they have been?
Even if they couldn’t have given me a magnificent house and a card with an enormous limit like this, it still would have been nice if they were alive.
“Ah, I’m so full. I don’t think I need dinner.”
“You might get scolded if they find out you ate this kind of food.”
“So what. It’s not like I eat it every day, just once in a while. Snacking is always the tastiest part.”
Unlike me, who was happily patting my full stomach, Lee Kyung-jin, who had participated in my crime, had a face tormented by guilt.
“I told you it’s fine. Driver Lee, your problem is that you worry too much.”
“My job is to escort the Young Master without any incidents…”
I heard him mutter softly, I’ve been swept up in this. Life is all about being swept and dragged along. Besides, it’s not like I caused an accident; what’s so wrong with having some snacks while playing happily?
“Nothing happened, right? Driver Lee, you were absolutely perfect today too. Today’s work is over, so you can go home.”
“Sigh, please go inside.”
“Don’t sigh. I’m going.”
As I got out of the car and opened the gate, a car approached hurriedly and stopped. Narrowing my eyes, I watched as the Alpha father, wearing a massive scowl, got out of the car.
“Father, are you off work?”
He only nodded at my greeting and didn’t say a word.
No, why is that man so angry?
Since returning from Grandfather’s house, the Alpha father hadn’t called me out to scold me again. Just as the Omega father had said it would be fine and nothing would happen. However, it was also true that the Alpha father’s gaze toward me had not been good since then. Well, I can fully understand that much.
But the fact that he came home today with a deep frown didn’t seem to be because of me. It was because Father’s footsteps as he passed through the open gate and climbed the stairs seemed hurried.
Following behind the striding Father, I wondered who on earth had made that man so angry. If he were simply in a bad mood because of something unpleasant outside, he would have started nagging the moment he saw me.
Slam! Father opened the door and entered the house, asking the employee who came to greet him, “Where is the second one?” It seemed the younger one was today’s protagonist.
“He is on the second floor.”
At those words, Father headed to the second floor, huffing. The sound of his footsteps thumping up the stairs was combative from the start.
“I’m home. I’ll go up too.”
I have to witness things like this. I scurried up the stairs Father had climbed. Having reached the younger one’s room, there was a loud bang as the door opened. Silencing my breath, I stealthily moved toward the younger one’s territory.
“You bastard, I told you not to do this kind of thing at home! Have you still not come to your senses?”
Father’s shout echoed loudly outside the door.