By Zephyria 
When we first met, there was a huge fuss because of the absurd situation. He was so serious, screaming and turning pale as if he were about to faint—it was so funny that I couldn’t believe he was actually this kind of person.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I thought our relationship had improved slightly. Even with an expressionless face, he would occasionally drop a word of concern, and he took measures to ensure I felt no inconvenience in my daily life.
Ah, so he was always this kind of person. This was the kind of father he was. With Cha Soo-kyung’s personality, it’s no wonder he would have shed tears alone. Could a fragile person like Cha Soo-kyung have even felt something like consideration from a father who couldn’t express himself honestly?
After living in this household and watching the play-like daily lives of the family, my thoughts changed again. How hard must it have been for him to protect himself against Grandfather’s abuse, Alpha Father’s indifference, and the contempt of the children from the first wife? I felt pity, wondering if that stiff, machine-like appearance that felt nothing was actually a defense mechanism to protect himself.
And now, I’ve changed my evaluation of the Omega Father slightly. That he holds his breath like that and accepts everything calmly is because there is something he wants. That’s why he could overlook the unfair treatment he received with an indifferent face.
“I’ve never asked. …What you want, Father. What kind of future are you envisioning?”
The fact that the Omega Father held his breath and endured Grandfather’s abuse without ever raising his voice was certainly not for the sake of Cha Soo-kyung. The reason he didn’t involve himself or show interest in family affairs was simply because there was no need to.
He wasn’t some pitiful person who stayed curled up because he knew his place, or someone who suffered in silence with tear-filled eyes due to abuse and neglect, as others might think.
“What exactly is the big picture you’re drawing?”
“For you to inherit the hosan.”
“That is a tear-inducingly beautiful dream, but it doesn’t seem like the heart of a parent who wants to give everything to their child.”
‘My child is the best, and my child must have everything.’ That kind of parental heart didn’t suit the Omega Father. I might be misinterpreting him, but even looking at it objectively, the Omega Father wasn’t the type of person to be greedy or sacrifice himself for his child.
You can tell just by his attitude toward Cha Soo-kyung. A father who is blunt but worries inside? No, to the Omega Father, Cha Soo-kyung was just a child who simply needed to exist.
It didn’t matter if he lived quietly and curled up like the original Cha Soo-kyung, or if he ran wild like a brat like I am now. If he asked for money, he gave money; if he asked for a card, he gave a card; if he said he’d do something, he said ‘do it’; if he said he wouldn’t do something, he said ‘fine.’
It wasn’t that he understood because it was his child; it was that even if it was his child, it had nothing to do with him. It was difficult to notice that subtle gap, but once you started looking with a bit of suspicion, it wasn’t that hard.
“The ‘parent character who wants their child to have everything and will make it happen no matter what’—it doesn’t really suit you. Is that just my prejudice?”
At my question, Father gave a small, mocking laugh.
“Just… do you have no intention of receiving what is given? Now that there are no other siblings, if you just listen obediently, the hospital and the foundation will be yours. Whether you marry that person or someone else after that doesn’t matter.”
“I’m asking why. I have no particular greed for the foundation. I have some greed for money, but not enough to trade Kwon Yi-kang for it. I want to live happily too. As for money, as long as I have enough to live on, it’s fine. Having lived, I know that as long as you’re not starving to death, it’s all pretty much the same.”
No matter how much money you have, you can’t take it with you when you die. The difference in living between having ‘a bit much’ and ‘an astronomical amount’ isn’t that great. As long as you have a house where you can stretch your legs and sleep, money is sufficient as long as you don’t starve.
I’m satisfied enough now, and even though I have more money than when I was Min Jae-hee, I’m still a human who occasionally craves jajangmyeon or sweet and sour pork; I haven’t changed that much.
I have a place to sleep, clothes to wear, and I can eat three meals a day without starving—what more could I want? Let alone abandoning Kwon Yi-kang? That’s nonsense.
If I took over the foundation, I’d handle some money, but not to the extent that I’d be greedy enough to break up with Kwon Yi-kang. Especially since I have Kwon Yi-kang’s child in my belly. Naturally, a child should be raised by both parents. That was the family I dreamed of.
“What use is the hospital, and what need is there for the foundation? Living like you, holding my breath and flattering others, doesn’t suit my personality. You know that, yet you still ask.”
“You can have it all, others are desperate to have it… and you say you don’t need it? You are far too immature. Do you think your brothers fought with such sharp thorns between them for the position of hospital director for nothing?”
“It’s relative. Something that is a treasure someone else wants desperately might be a useless toy to me. It might be nice and enjoyable for a moment, but there’s no need to have it to the point of giving things up.”
The hospital and the foundation are like that to me.
It would be nice to have them. I have absolutely zero ability to run a hospital or foundation right now, but as for management, I could just pay a capable person to do it. Then I could just receive the money or pension that comes out of it—how great would that be?
Still, there’s no need to have them to the point of giving up what I already have. Let alone Kwon Yi-kang. The only guy who is kind to me. The only guy who is on my side. The guy who says it’s okay if I kill people, that I can kill more, and that if I can’t do it, he’ll kill them for me. Where else in the world would I find a guy like that?
“To me, Kwon Yi-kang is more important.”
“You must inherit the hosan!”
Bang! Father raised his voice, slamming the table. Because he got angry so suddenly and out of nowhere, I, who rarely get startled, flinched and recoiled.
“I gave birth to you for that purpose, and I raised you for that purpose. And now you’re saying you’ll refuse it? Even when I’m offering to spoon-feed it to you, you’re refusing?”
“If I’m full, I might not want to eat. Yes, it’s fine. Just put it away.”
“Why do you keep acting this way, why! Do I look like I’m joking right now? You must have Hosan Hospital, the Hosan Foundation, everything in this damn house. Everything must be yours…”
The words poured out of him, fueled by a bitterness that felt like a long-held grudge. Right, this man had endured a lot too. Since he had kept it all locked deep inside, his interior couldn’t possibly be intact. I didn’t know what thoughts he harbored while living quietly, but it certainly couldn’t have been good for Father’s mental health.
“Let’s just be honest with each other at this point. Like a truth game. Who knows? If I find out Father’s true feelings, my heart might move.”
No matter how touched I might be, I am the most important person to myself, so there’s no way my heart would actually move. Still, I needed to know what Father was thinking and why he was doing this. Expecting unconditional understanding while keeping one’s mouth shut is something only children do. At this stage, it’s time to show one’s cards.
“Try to persuade me. To me, Hosan is something that’s fine to have but also fine to be without, so there must be a reason why I absolutely have to devour Hosan.”
“If you… have it, it ends. If you have it all, if you take everything the Cha family possessed…”
“What ends if I have it?”
“Revenge. My resentment.”
I scratched my furrowed brow at the random combination of words. Those weren’t words that should come out here; I wondered if he had come to the wrong place.
“Does it become revenge just because I have it? How about if Father takes it instead?”
I didn’t know what kind of revenge it was, but if he wanted to snatch something away, wouldn’t it be true revenge if he took it himself rather than me?
“It does. Because the people of that house will have to watch Hosan pass over to the bloodline they ignored so much. That is why you must have it. Instead of being dazzled by an Alpha and wasting time on marriage issues.”
Why is it that whenever someone gets involved with this household, not a single person remains sane? Hosan really must be the problem. A suitable phrase my grandfather used once came to mind.
Yeah, this whole family is absolutely beyond saving.
“What is this revenge for?”
I didn’t know why I had to be the instrument for his revenge, nor why it would end once I possessed it, but more importantly, what on earth was this revenge? I had to start there to understand what my frustrating father was thinking.
“Was it being mistreated by Grandfather for twenty years? Or was it the Alpha father’s lukewarm attitude of standing by and watching?”
Seeing the cold smile on his face, as if those things were nothing, I let the words slip out just in case.
“The marriage was the problem from the start, wasn’t it? Did you have someone else you liked? Were you forced into the marriage?”
No, that doesn’t make sense. If Hosan had forced the marriage, Grandfather wouldn’t have glared and mistreated him like that. Besides, hadn’t he said he was already pregnant before the marriage? That’s why Grandfather said there was no way he’d divide the inheritance, but he wouldn’t have been able to oppose the marriage itself.
“What do I look like? …How did you meet the Alpha father?”
“Your father is trash.”
His monotonous voice flowed out, just as usual. I realized one could badmouth someone else as calmly as if they were reading a book. Once again, the Omega father seemed impressive.
“Like all the bloodlines of the Cha family, he is shameless and petty.”
As if he had been waiting for a moment like this, Father began to unravel his bundle of stories smoothly. He was similar to a parent reading a fairy tale to a child in bed, but the story coming out of his mouth surpassed any makjang drama.
The story began when the Omega father was nineteen.
He said his Omega grandfather passed away early, and his Alpha grandmother ran this art gallery alone while raising him. Back then, it wasn’t a flashy gallery like it is now, but a building with a quiet and antique feel.
It wasn’t a space only for wealthy people; it sponsored struggling artists like poor painters and sculptors, and provided venues for them to find patrons.
Auctions were held frequently, and banquets like ‘Patron’s Night’ were hosted. It wasn’t just a clean, sophisticated, and noble place, but a gallery overflowing with human warmth, filled with the sounds of laughter and conversation.
At a gathering that year—part New Year’s party and part venue for artists seeking patrons and patrons seeking future talents—Father, who had come out to help even a little, caught the eye of the Alpha father.
A lust that no one noticed and no one perceived.
The story that followed was predictable. A development you’d see in a makjang drama or novel. A reality even more absurd than a drama.
The first time was coercive, and from the second time onward, it was blackmail. Using the face of a kind patron, the man lured Father in, forced a relationship, and used that as a pretext to call him out for nearly a month.
Unable to tell anyone out of fear, Father was dragged around for a month before he discovered he was pregnant, and eventually, it reached the ears of the Alpha grandmother.
This is where he faced a crossroads. For some reason, the perpetrator commits the act without a second thought, while those who must suffer losses, agonize, and choose are always the victims.
Even if they reported the Alpha father and put him on trial, there would be a tedious legal battle, and he would surely hire expensive lawyers to demean the Omega father however possible.
Even if the result were fair, the Alpha father would receive a minimum sentence, while the Omega father would have to live his whole life with the stigma of being a raped Omega.
Worse, if the charges were overturned and a verdict was reached that it was consensual or that the Omega had seduced him first, the Omega father would suffer unfair finger-pointing on top of his wounds.
The grandmother wanted to abort the child and make it as if it never happened. It was an injustice that made her grit her teeth and a heartbreak that made her shed tears of blood, but she couldn’t bear to see her only child branded as a raped Omega for the rest of his life.
At this point, the Omega father made a different choice. The man who had trampled him with power, money, and authority. He decided to steal the power, money, and authority that man possessed. He would take everything from that man using the seed the man had sown.
The Omega father informed the Alpha father of the pregnancy, and for some reason, the Alpha father pushed through with the marriage despite Grandfather’s opposition. The Omega father agreed to marry on the condition that the Hosan Foundation must be passed down to his own child, not the other children.
I heard the grandmother, shocked by Father’s decision, collapsed and passed away two months later; as the story progressed, I realized it must have been absolute chaos.
“It would have been better if your brothers were alive, but they died too soon. There is a difference between passing it down when you are the only option and passing it down after casting out all other children.”
The Omega father always said things I didn’t understand. Things like ‘it will eventually be mine’ or ‘you will have everything.’ At the time, I ignored it, thinking he was just saying things that made no sense, but it seems he was speaking with the marriage conditions in mind.
“No, it’s fine. Your father, who only cares about what the parents think, only thought about passing the foundation to you after that old man died, but it would be good to hand it over while the old man is still alive. It won’t be bad to watch the bloodline that mistreated me so much take over Hosan.”
“Wow… you really did something pointless.”
What should I do with this foolish man? He’s so stupid, and pitiful, and because he’s so stupid, it’s even more pitiful.
Father’s face was resolute as he said I must have everything in this house. He was steadfast, without regret, doubt, or hesitation regarding his choice.
Surely, at least once, he must have wondered if his choice was truly the best, and he must have regretted it. What does a nineteen-year-old know? Even if he regretted that hasty judgment later, considering the things he had done and the shock that killed his mother, he must have had to carve into himself that his choice was not wrong. He must have believed that. That was the only way he could have endured.
That’s why he held his breath for twenty years, endured Grandfather’s abuse, and lived skin-to-skin with the terrible Alpha father. He was a man who was foolish to a point of being vicious.
“You take it all. That petty Hosan that man possessed and wielded, all of it is yours.”
“Father. You’ve been scammed.”
I clicked my tongue, and since that wasn’t enough, I shook my head.
“Does the Alpha father seem like he cares about his children? Did you see that man shed a single tear during the funerals of your eldest and second brothers? The Alpha father probably doesn’t care who has the hospital or who the foundation is passed to. In the end, the name Hosan continues through the Cha bloodline.”
“No! You are different!”
“How am I different? I am Father’s child, but I am also the Alpha father’s child. Regardless of how I was conceived, or whether I think of the Alpha father as trash or not. Even if I inherit Hosan, nothing changes for Hosan. Even if I pass it to my own children, Hosan will eventually be run by the Cha bloodline for generations. You made an unfair trade.”
Who on earth is benefiting from a marriage condition like that? Even if it was a decision made by a young person who didn’t know the world and was swayed by emotion, the Alpha father who swallowed it whole is also total trash. No, regardless of that, he’s just absolute trash.
“If you wanted revenge, you should have just stabbed him with a knife. Instead of throwing your body at a trashy villain and enduring for twenty years, you should have just killed him. Even if you killed someone and went to prison, you’d spend less than twenty years there. I’m sorry, Father, but you did something pointless.”
“No!”
Father let out a scream that sounded like it would tear his throat. Glaring at me with a pale face, he shook his head. Clenching the hands resting on his lap into fists, Father tightened his jaw.
“No, it’s not pointless. If you inherit Hosan, I…”
“Why on earth did you give birth to me?”
Do I sound too much like trash if I say it like this? I waved my hand, indicating that wasn’t my intention.
“I mean, I’m grateful you gave birth to me. I am, but… there’s absolutely nothing in this for you. You should have at least ripped off some assets after having me. What is this? It’s like you ruined your life by marrying an old man with kids.”
“How… how can you say that to me…”
“I said I’m sorry. I am sorry, but still, please look at the situation clearly. Stop continuing to do things that only result in losses.”
I wrapped my hand around my throbbing head and let out a low sigh.
This family is completely doomed. Grandfather ruined his daughter’s life, forced her to be separated from her grandson, and drove nails into the hearts of both. Father made an unfair trade with his rapist. The eldest was a murderer who framed his own brother for the crime, and the second one lived as a drug addict until he died, not even knowing he was framed. And the youngest, Cha Soo-kyung, suffered from mental illness and committed suicide.
If these people had just lived like trash among themselves, I wouldn’t care how they lived their lives, but the problem is that victims kept appearing because of them. I looked bitterly at another victim sitting devastated before my eyes.
“Get a divorce.”
“…What?”
It must sound random. He called me here to talk about my marriage, but instead, he’s told to get a divorce, so how absurd it must feel. But this was the only advice I could give to the father of Cha Soo-kyung as Cha Soo-kyung—no, as a fellow victim.
“If you can still pick up a knife and stab him now, just kill him. Otherwise, just get a divorce. If you keep going like this, it’s nothing more than having offered your body to an old man in your prime. Only the Alpha father gets the good deal.”
He raped him because he was blinded by a young, firm body, and in the end, he was just given a legal justification to take that body. The Alpha father suffered no loss and took only the honey-like essence without any responsibility.
“When you realized Hosan was the most important thing to the Chas, you shouldn’t have thought about taking it; you should have thought about destroying it. Whether by smearing it with filth or breaking the walls to bring it down.”
The fact that there’s nothing left to lose means you can cause a scene without worrying about the consequences. Because he thought about taking Hosan intact, things became complicated. And the conclusion became strange.
If the first wife were alive and my father had entered as a concubine to pass Hosan to me, there would have been a massive family war. But the first wife is already dead, and Father is legally married to the Alpha father without any issues.
Even if he’s the child of a second wife, Cha Soo-kyung is still a legitimate child of the Cha family. Even if I took Hosan, no matter how I mentally justified it, it certainly wouldn’t be revenge.
“The Alpha father doesn’t seem to have affection for his children, but he seems obsessed with you. So get a divorce and throw away that rapist quickly. When you divorce, claim an astronomical amount of alimony—enough to sell off Hosan. Call out a ridiculous amount. He probably won’t give it all, but Father, you’ve seen the filthy state of this household plenty.”
Starting from the second son who died of drugs, the eldest committed murder in the past and the family covered it up, the father is a rapist, the grandfather dragged his daughter in, imprisoned her, threw away the child she bore, and that daughter lived as a vegetable before dying.
Just how many things have happened? Moreover, the abuse and contempt he received for twenty years have piled up.
If even a few of these things leaked out, not only would the police come, but the rumors he so detested would spread rapidly. Out of fear of that, he would likely agree to a certain amount.
“You might not be able to rip everything away, but you can take enough to make Hosan stagger. Hire a dozen top-tier lawyers and sue him or threaten him to the best of your ability. The situation is already filthy, so stop worrying about other people’s eyes, dignity, or nobility.”
“You… you really intend to make my life, my twenty years of resentment… into something pointless.”
“You can’t bring back the twenty years that have passed. Are you going to ruin your future because you’re sorry about the past? Father, you’re still forty. You’re still firm, and if you go outside, you just look like a Hyung who’s a bit older than me. Hurry up and settle things, rip off as much as possible, dry up Hosan’s funds, and live luxuriously with that money.”
Why is he doing something so pointless that involves throwing away his own body? That’s not real revenge. He’s just doing a favor for the enemy-like Alpha father.
Of course, I also threw away my future and prepared to go to prison to kill the eldest, but at least I don’t regret my choice to kill that bastard. If you’re prepared to give up your life, at least cutting off the other person’s lifeline is a fair trade.
If the Omega father said he’d kill the Alpha father and go to prison, I wouldn’t stop him. And if he could kill him without going to prison, that would be even better.
“Start a mud-slinging fight. Make it as big, loud, and dirty as possible. Let every rumor spread. Your prestige will be damaged too, but just dive in and drag them down with you. Aren’t you prepared for that much?”
He married a rapist, bore his child, and lived with him for nearly twenty years; what more could he possibly be unable to do? Perhaps the Omega father is more vicious and desperate than I am, the one who killed a person.
“Call out an amount large enough to sell off Hosan Hospital. No, large enough to sell the entire foundation. An amount that anyone would think is absurd. Ask for the entire fortune of this household. Even if you only get more than half of that, the household won’t remain intact. It would be even better to take that and then stab them in the back by spreading the rumors.”
Then the Alpha father would have nothing left. His children are all dead, and the only one left is me, but I have no intention of acting like a son nor any desire to eat Hosan. If the only person he was obsessed with, the Omega father, sent a divorce paper, the shock might be even greater than the death of his children.
In many ways, this is the right way. Rather than me quietly accepting Hosan, a dogfight like this would deal a much heavier blow to the Cha family.
I’ve played my cards well in a short amount of time. Either Cha Soo-kyung is naturally smart, or switching bodies has made my brain work better. Or perhaps the cunning I’ve accumulated over the years is finally starting to pay off.
“I can’t be Father’s pawn. Well, there is one thing I could do. I could inherit hosan and run it into the ground or sell it off. Though since he’s not giving it to me right now, I’d have to wait a long time. Are you going to keep enduring it by that Alpha father’s side until then? That sounds absolutely horrific.”
I stood up, leaving the Omega father with a complicated expression on his face. My marriage wasn’t the priority in this situation. What Father needed to worry about moving forward wasn’t me, but his own direction in life.
“It’s hard for people without money or power to get revenge. No matter how much you plot, there’s nothing to back it up. The law? It’s so easy to cover things up with money. Tell them to go screw themselves. People like us just have to push through blindly. Whether it’s lying down in the middle of the street screaming or starting a knife fight.”
If you trust things like the law, you just end up getting played. They manipulate evidence with money, cover up incidents with money, and buy people off with money. That’s why there are so many wronged people in this world. Plenty of fools, like me, who get screwed over without even knowing what was manipulated.
“Oh, and I’m pregnant. I went to the hospital a few days ago and they said I’m eight weeks along. You don’t need to give me belated congratulations or anything. I just thought it was better for Father to know.”
I waved my hand, indicating I wasn’t particularly looking for congratulations. At my nonchalant delivery, as if it were no big deal, Father looked up at me with startled eyes.
“Kwon Yi-kang is a good guy. I like kind people. There’s no one as harmless to me as he is. I think he’ll be a good parent to the child, and regardless of the child, he’s a good person to me.”
As I rubbed my still-flat stomach, a satisfied smile escaped me unconsciously. I didn’t have many thoughts about the child, but the natural transition to thinking about Kwon Yi-kang made me happy.
“Anyway, I hope Father thinks things through and achieves a satisfying revenge. Don’t be shaken by the things that happened because of past choices, the regrets, or the lingering attachments; judge the situation coldly.”
What would be best for him now, what is the optimal choice in the current situation. I hoped the Omega father would ponder and ponder on how to give the Cha family the biggest middle finger possible and reach a conclusion he was satisfied with.
And while he’s at it, I’d prefer if he just left me alone. Not that I’m the type to be easily swept up even if he doesn’t.
“Ah, and one more thing.”
I walked slowly toward the door, grabbed the handle to open it, and then looked back. The Omega father, watching me with trembling eyes, looked fragile and precarious, as if he might collapse at any moment.
“Like I said earlier.”
Feeling a bit awkward, I rubbed the bridge of my nose with my finger before managing to squeeze out the words.
“Thank you for giving birth to me.”
∞ ∞ ∞
The end of the workday is six o’clock. Kwon Yi-kang, who used to leave exactly on time, had been getting home a bit later. It didn’t seem like he was staying late at the office; rather, it seemed a pleasant shopping trip after work had been added to his schedule.
Today, as always, I watched with a complicated gaze as Kwon Yi-kang arrived carrying a mountain of shopping bags. Perhaps moving items after shopping was too tedious for a man who usually moved alone, as he had even brought his secretary along. I doubt the secretary was hired for this specific purpose.
“Did you have a good outing?”
Kwon Yi-kang, having taken off his shoes and come inside, asked as he gave me a light hug.
“Nothing happened, right?”
“Yeah, nothing happened. You worked hard today too, Secretary Choi.”
“Not at all.”
Secretary Choi shook his head as he neatly set the shopping bags aside. His expression didn’t look like a ‘not at all’ to me. Recalling Secretary Choi’s face from two days ago when he was hauling in a stroller, I sighed again.
“Please rest well.”
“Take care.”
Unable to wait for the door to close, Kwon Yi-kang met my eyes. His staring pupils were sparkling—no, glistening—with an indescribable amount of joy and pleasure.
“Do you know what I bought today?”
“Is there anything left to buy?”
The baby won’t be here for another eight months. It’s certain that the child won’t be born this year.
Kwon Yi-kang was diligently hauling in everything from clothes for the baby to toys and strollers. Yesterday, he bought a large toy car, saying it would be great for the child to ride. I think the child will have to wait a few years to actually ride that.
No matter how little we know about the baby, surely both I and Kwon Yi-kang are aware that children don’t start walking the moment they are born.
“I found some 3D pop-up storybooks. They’re very pretty. The baby will be more interested when I read them, right?”
In reality, that kid probably won’t even understand your voice, let alone a storybook. Which will happen first: the child walking, or understanding human speech? Which will be faster: riding a car, or understanding the plot of a storybook? I was confused in many ways.
“Are you angry because I bought more things?”
Noticing my lukewarm reaction, Kwon Yi-kang asked tentatively, glancing at me.
“Angry? No, I’m not angry.”
Why would I be angry? He’s using his own money to pile things up in his own house. Thinking about the baby supplies stacking up in the unused room makes me sigh, but since Kwon Yi-kang is so happy, there’s no reason to be angry.
Even if it seems like ill-timed purchasing to me, if Kwon Yi-kang is this satisfied, I wouldn’t mind if he paid money for trash. I haven’t experienced it yet, but I suppose this is the ‘pleasure of spending money’ that rich people feel.
“Or… did something happen? Your expression isn’t great.”
The excitement vanished from Kwon Yi-kang’s face as he tilted his head, studying my expression. I shook my head as he carefully held both my cheeks and stared into my eyes.
“You said your father called you to come over. Did you hear something bad?”
“It wasn’t exactly good news.”
Extremely shocking news. The secret of my birth, which was more exciting than a soap opera. I didn’t know how to react to having acquired yet another secret from this spectacular, unique, and special household.
“Father says he’ll oppose the marriage. I think he said it after the Alpha father’s funeral.”
“That certainly isn’t good news.”
Kwon Yi-kang’s expression darkened at the news that the only person I thought was on our side had cast a dissenting vote. Though that person was never on anyone’s side to begin with, Kwon Yi-kang, unaware of that, seemed disappointed because he had expectations.
“Well, it’s not like we were planning to marry with someone’s approval anyway.”
“That’s true.”
Despite saying that, Kwon Yi-kang trudged over to the living room sofa, sat down, pulled me onto his lap, and hugged me tight.
“It’s okay. I feel like something so big is going to happen that our marriage will seem like nothing in comparison.”
“What did you go and stir up now?”
Hey, if you put it like that, it makes me sound like someone who just goes around stirring up trouble.
It wasn’t technically wrong, but since the person who should be on my side said it, I felt grumpy and pressed my chin firmly into his shoulder.
“I haven’t stirred up anything yet. I just lit a small fire. There’s someone else who’s going to stir things up!”
At least it’s not me. This time, I’m not the one stirring things up.
I snapped back in a defensive excuse because I felt wronged, but since I was the one who lit the fire in the first place, I was doomed. There was no room for excuses. I reflected on that for a moment.
“It seems my family is truly doomed; your father will probably hate me even more.”
“It’s fine. If your family is doomed, he’ll actually like it more.”
“…I guess that’s true.”
Since they are arch-enemies, wouldn’t it be a satisfying end if either household went under? Regardless of that, our marriage won’t be welcomed anyway.
I can’t feel it yet, but they say the baby grows rapidly day by day, and the belly starts to show after four or five months. At this rate, we might actually have to just register the marriage and live like that.
Come to think of it, the one who demanded a lavish wedding was the Omega father. If he’s opposing the marriage anyway, then there’s no need to make it big and loud according to his words, right?
I figured it would be fine to just do the bare minimum. That’s a relief. I should just invite the people I know and get the ceremony over with before my belly shows. But since it’s a marriage opposed by both sets of parents, there are no family members coming, and I don’t even know anyone.
The only people I know are the employees working at home. If I pick the ones I’m closest to, it would be Driver Lee and Driver Choi. Even though they’re paid employees, they’ll probably come to my wedding. Aren’t we close enough to attend each other’s weddings?
“Should we just not have a wedding? Want to just put a water bowl down and call it a ceremony?”
“What?”
“I don’t think anyone will come even if we have one. Parents won’t come, and I don’t know anyone. Since there’s no one to come, should we just do it at a small cathedral? I see that in dramas.”
Kwon Yi-kang let out a laugh at my worried grumbling. My body, perched on his lap, bounced along with him.
“I wondered what you were talking about all of a sudden. Don’t worry. I’ll make it the biggest and most glamorous wedding possible. There are plenty of people who will come even if you don’t invite them, so you don’t need to worry about that.”
“I try not to worry, but I still do. They say the belly comes out soon. I can’t imagine what I’ll look like.”
I thought about searching for it on the internet to see what it would be like, but I was too scared to look. A man looking pregnant—it’ll definitely look strange.
Alphas and Omegas aren’t common, and while I’ve occasionally seen Alphas in the back alleys, I’ve had almost no chance to see Omegas. Let alone a male Omega who is pregnant.
“I feel like I might end up having the baby before the wedding.”
“You’re worrying over nothing. You’ll be at the wedding looking your absolute best, so don’t worry and get some deep rest. If you worry needlessly, the baby will have a lot of worries too.”
It’s the fault of the little guy who settled in so early without considering the timing. Who told him to be created before the marriage talk even happened? Therefore, he has a responsibility to share this level of worry.
I shouldn’t raise the child too indulgently. At the very least, they should know what kind of worries their parents had because of them to be a filial child.
“You haven’t had dinner yet, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Go change your clothes and come out, I’ll make something. Is there anything you want to eat?”
“Nothing in particular. Meat?”
“…I think you’re eating meat too often. You had meat yesterday too.”
“It’s okay to eat meat often. It’s not like I’m eating meat for all three meals; I need to have meat at least once a day.”
Just think of how beneficial meat is to a person. You need to eat meat to have strength, and you need to eat meat for life to be enjoyable.
Moreover, the steak Kwon Yi-kang grills is as delicious as the ones you buy outside. I, who used to eat pork belly as if it were gold-belly, have finally awakened to the true taste of steak.
“You’re not having morning sickness yet, are you?”
“They say some people do and some don’t. I guess I’m not.”
“I heard it’s a struggle when it hits, so that’s a relief. Oh, someone will be coming starting tomorrow. They’ll be cleaning and preparing meals, so just so you know.”
“Why so suddenly?”
“Because you’re suddenly not taking care of your meals. You skip lunch because it’s a hassle, don’t you?”
He notices only those kinds of things with ghostly precision. It’s fine to skip one meal, but now that there’s a baby, he tries to take care of even the smallest things, which is also a bit annoying.
“You should eat at least something simple. And they say it’s best to stay as still as possible in the early stages, so don’t move around cleaning or whatever.”
“Got it. You’re really cherishing the baby since it’s yours.”
“Is it because of the baby? I’m doing it because I’m afraid something might happen to you.”
Anyway, I can’t beat him with words. When I pressed my lips against his mouth to shut him up, Kwon Yi-kang, who seemed to have one more thing to say, stopped talking and his eyes curved into a smile.
∞ ∞ ∞
I started taking English lessons again. There were various things that happened in between, I kept running away from home, and now I’m practically exiled, so I had suspended my English tutoring indefinitely. However, considering prenatal education and the fear that my child might look down on me for not knowing English, I changed my mind.
The teacher, whom I saw after a long time, gave me a piece of her mind, saying I shouldn’t unilaterally affect the class schedule like this, and a second piece, saying that doing it only when the mood strikes isn’t studying.
It wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t in a situation to take lessons, but thinking about it, it felt like it might be my fault, so I apologized quickly.
“Is Soo-kyung sleeping right now?”
“I’m not sleeping, Teacher.”
“Your nose is about to hit the desk.”
The teacher clicked her tongue as she used her palm to lift my drooping forehead.
No matter how lacking my concentration is, I thought I could at least endure two hours of class. Perhaps it’s because the weather is warm, but I keep nodding off.
“I heard sleep increases during pregnancy; I guess it’s true.”
“I don’t know if it’s because of the pregnancy.”
“There are ten minutes left in the lesson; should we just stop here?”
“Teacher, I feel like you’ve been trying to slack off on your lessons lately.”
When I teased her as she asked while checking the time, a snort came back, saying that’s not for me to say.
“I’ll gather the leftover time and give you one bonus lesson. If you have a reason to come near here on the weekend. Ah, of course, not this weekend.”
“Wow, you schedule the makeup lesson according to your own itinerary.”
“I don’t mind coming to teach, but coming all the way here is such a hassle. I have to get ready to go out, and it’s such a waste of preparation time just to come for a bonus lesson.”
“I find it so thrilling when you speak so bluntly, Teacher. It’s cool.”
She’s even honest. If she hates it, she hates it; if it’s not right, it’s not right; if it’s a hassle, it’s a hassle. Because she’s a person with clear self-expression, it’s actually comfortable and nice.
Because if someone keeps their thoughts bottled up without expressing them, no one knows what form that will take as it grows.
“This is the first time I’ve been confessed to by an Omega, let alone a pregnant man.”
“It wasn’t a confession.”
“That’s a relief. I don’t want to destroy someone else’s family either.”
As she packed the textbooks into her bag, she said something that I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or serious. She’s a truly scary person. I clicked my tongue and lay face down on the desk.
“Tomorrow and the day after are the weekend, so rest up and I’ll see you Monday. Review on your own. Expecting you to preview the next lesson would be too much, right?”
“Yes.”
“Soo-kyung is very confident. I guess it’s a relief that you at least have that strength.”
“I feel like you’re insulting me right now, Teacher.”
“No. I can’t insult the baby’s father. The baby is listening.”
I’d rather you just insult me. Pouting, I stood up and saw the teacher off.
No flattering words like ‘today’s lesson was great’ or ‘I can feel the effects of learning’ ever came out of my mouth. After giving me homework to read the example sentences from today’s progress ten times each, the teacher left briskly, as if she were very busy.
She’s a person who lives very diligently and hard. Confidence flows from her words and actions, and she’s poised. I felt she was a good person because her energy seems to transfer to those around her.
“Shall I prepare a meal for you?”
Originally, I took lessons after lunch like before, but the combination of books, pregnancy, and post-meal drowsiness made the attack power of sleep terrifyingly high. Thanks to moving the class to the morning after consulting with the teacher, it was lunchtime when the lesson ended.
Taking care of meals is a hassle, but now that there’s someone to prepare them, the excuse that I didn’t eat because it was a hassle no longer works.
“Is there anything you want to eat?”
“Meat.”
“Oh dear. Not meat. The Director strictly requested that I not give you meat for lunch, saying you’ve been eating it too often lately.”
Not give me meat? How could someone say such cruel words? There’s no need to be that specific with requests. He’s a man who is meticulous down to the smallest detail.
But honestly, it’s unfair because if it’s not meat, there’s not much else to eat. I can’t exactly say I want spinach or braised lotus root. Those aren’t ‘food’; they’re side dishes. They’re things you eat on the side, not the main dish.
“Should we just order something simple?”
“No.”
“Like a hamburger.”
“Yes, that’s not allowed.”
“Then how about pizza? A vegetable pizza without meat.”
“Of course not.”
Kwon Yi-kang hired the lady far too well. She’s someone who knows how to refuse firmly with a smile. I became sullen at the iron-clad defense that didn’t leave a single gap. I want meat or something greasy.
“Then just bibimbap?”
“That’s fine.”
It’s delicious even without meat, and since it has various kinds of vegetables, it’s nutritious. Of course, it would be better with meat. It would taste even better if some cooked ground beef were added. I wish the vegetables would just die.
As I stood there blankly, thinking in a stream of consciousness, the lady waved her hand, telling me to go and wait for a bit.
“Then I’ll go to the baby’s room.”
“Don’t move anything heavy. I’ll come and help you in a little while.”
Leaving the lady behind as she took ingredients out of the refrigerator, I headed toward the baby’s room.
It wasn’t a room decorated for a baby to be born into; rather, as the baby supplies Kwon Yi-kang kept buying and bringing in grew in number and size, they were all pushed into one room, and it naturally became the baby’s room.
Since they had just been piled up, it looked cluttered, so a few days ago, bookshelves and cabinets were brought in, and the organizing began. The baby showed no sign of coming out yet, but among the supplies, there were even history picture books for when the child enters elementary school.
I took the clothes out of the shopping bags and sorted them into tops, bottoms, socks, and shoes. He had bought them all without even knowing if it was a boy or a girl. No, it wasn’t that he bought them well; he just bought everything.
The colors were vivid and colorful, and seeing as there were baby dress pants and dresses, it seemed he just bought whatever caught his eye.
“Cute.”
I smiled, hooking a shoe—so small it fit in the palm of my hand—with my finger and examining it from front to back. I couldn’t tell if this was actually made for someone to wear or if it was just for decoration.
“Come out and eat.”
The lady, who opened the door and stepped inside, smiled as she saw me holding the shoe.
“Oh my, how cute.”
“Can you actually wear this? It’s so small.”
“Of course. They’re made and sold for babies to wear.”
“Are feet really this small?”
“Newborns are even smaller. You’ve never seen a newborn, have you? You’ll be shocked.”
Just how small are they? I couldn’t even imagine. I lined up the shoes in the cabinet by size and stood up.
“Other people put liquor or wine in there, but this is the first time I’ve seen a cabinet filled with baby shoes.”
Sighing and blaming it all on Kwon Yi-kang, I headed to the dining table. I put gochujang on the beautifully plated bibimbap and mixed it thoroughly.
“You hired her to make sure the pregnant woman eats well, but I’m the one eating better.”
“It’s good to eat together. Oh, this is delicious.”
The dongchimi, which seemed to have been taken out of the fridge as it had a slight frost on it, was refreshing and crisp. The seasoning wasn’t salty but mild, which brought out the flavor of the bibimbap.
“I made that at home. I picked out some sturdy organic radishes to make it. I felt like the Director cares a lot about those things.”
“He’s excessive.”
“What do you mean excessive? You have to be careful when you have a child. What you eat, what you wear, what you say, what you hear—you have to mind every single action. Fathers are indifferent, so they can’t care about those things. Since they aren’t the ones pregnant, they don’t know what’s needed, what’s uncomfortable, or what to be careful of. They say, ‘What’s so great about being pregnant that you’re acting so special?’ but of course it’s a big deal.”
As if recalling a past memory, the lady clicked her tongue while vigorously mixing her rice and popping it into her mouth.
“If my husband had been even half as good as our Director, I would have had two or three more children. Ugh, just thinking about how he was snoring beside me when I had my second, I still grit my teeth.”
I let out a laugh at her grumpy lament. Even though I felt he was being excessive, since the lady kept praising him, I wondered if Kwon Yi-kang really was doing a great job. Still, I wished he would restrain himself from buying so much stuff.
“I put the dongchimi in the fridge. It’s amazing for morning sickness, but you said you don’t have any, right?”
“Yes, not really.”
“That’s a relief. It’s better not to have morning sickness. Once it starts, it’s absolute hell. It’s best to eat plenty of what you crave. When you’re pregnant, you’ve got to eat well.”
I’m already eating plenty. I was actually worried if this situation was okay because I was eating too much. Moreover, since he made me avoid moving even at home, saying I had to be careful, I felt like I was being livestock-raised.
“But… since I had bibimbap for lunch, can I have meat for dinner?”
Livestock or not. First and foremost, I wanted meat.
∞ ∞ ∞
Kwon Yi-kang had bought all sorts of toys. From rattles to mobiles, stuffed animals, cars, Legos, transforming robots, and doll dress-up sets. There were plenty of toys that even I had never played with.
In the midst of that, I didn’t know if he bought a thousand-piece puzzle thinking a child would actually complete it. I should just put this together when I have time.
I pushed the types of dolls that could be displayed into the cabinet and set aside the toys that required assembly or crafting.
It would be several years before a child could play with these, and by then, the trends would have passed, better toys would have come out, and above all, it was hard to guarantee these toys would remain intact. Things tend to degrade if left unused for a long time, so it would be better if I just played with them.
After roughly finishing the organization of clothes and toys, I kneaded the colored clay in my hand. The box stated that it was harmless to the human body.
Kwon Yi-kang, who was exceptionally sensitive to words like organic, pesticide-free, natural, antibacterial, and non-fluorescent, could not have overlooked that phrase. He must have been tempted and bought it the moment he saw the “harmless to the human body” label.
After kneading the brown clay into a dough-like consistency, I looked at the teddy bear in the cabinet and tried to make something similar. I made a round head, attached ears, and added arms and legs to the body to make it sit. Once I attached eyes with black clay, it looked quite like a bear.
This is actually pretty fun. I like the feeling of molding it with my hands.
Lying on my stomach, I tried making other things. A white head with black eye patches. A round panda. Was the body white? I don’t think it was pure white.
I searched on my phone and looked at photos to add detail. While I was at it, I used green clay to make a long bamboo stalk. I brought a toothpick to insert into the bamboo for support and bent the panda’s limbs to make it look like it was hanging from the bamboo.
“Not bad.”
Everything was great, except for the fact that the clay hardened quickly and cracked as it dried. I diligently kneaded the clay and made animals one by one, the kind you’d find in a zoo.
If I had something like a board, I could build a zoo building and make it like a real zoo.
I clicked my tongue in regret while looking at the animals rolling around the floor. Also, I wished I had some wire. The giraffe’s neck and legs kept bending, so it lay sadly on the floor. I wonder if giraffes sleep lying down too.
“Dinner is ready, but is the Director going to be late again today? Oh my, what are you doing lying on the floor? It’s not good for your stomach to get a chill.”
The lady, who had been helping organize books and then left to prepare dinner, asked in surprise as she entered the room and saw me sprawled on the floor.
“What is all this?”
“There was colored clay, so I played with it a bit. I figured it would all dry up before the baby could play with it anyway.”
“Is this a rabbit? And this is a monkey? You made them quite well.”
I felt proud at the lady’s praise.
“Still, you shouldn’t be like this. Even if the heater is on, you shouldn’t lie on the bare floor. You should at least lay down a blanket.”
I became sullen at the subsequent nagging. The lady brought a thin blanket and spread it on the floor for me, and she also turned on the fluorescent light, saying it would ruin my eyes.
“I’ve simmered some clam soup, so if the Director happens to be late, heat it up and eat it. The side dishes are set.”
“…What about the meat?”
Didn’t you say we should eat meat for dinner? I endured lunch just for that. Where on earth did this clam soup, which I hadn’t thought of at all, come from?
“Why on earth do you want to eat meat every single day? Eating meat too often isn’t good. I’ll buy a chicken tomorrow evening and stew it for you.”
I prefer fried chicken. I like seasoned chicken more than original fried. Or maybe green onion chicken.
Ignoring my wavering gaze, the lady stood up. I felt a strong intention to avoid the current situation.
“Sigh, I should head home. Don’t stay in one position for too long, and take it easy. Shall I warm up a glass of milk before I go?”
“…No.”
I hate milk because it tastes fishy. It made me sad that everything she did for me were things I didn’t like.
I hate milk, I hate vegetables, and I hate clam soup. In the past, I was grateful just to get a bowl of white rice because I had no money, but am I forgetting the old days too much by complaining about side dishes just because my circumstances have changed?
Still, I should be able to complain about side dishes. I should be able to eat what I want. I should be able to eat at least some meat.
I want meat. Not meat boiled in water, but grilled meat, fried meat, seasoned meat.
Forgetting the existence of the lady who had disappeared without me even knowing when she clocked out, I made pigs and cows out of a sheer obsession with meat. Even then, my heart wasn’t satisfied, so I made the hamburger and pizza I wanted to eat.
I greedily piled toppings high on the pizza to add detail. Pepperoni, bulgogi, shrimp, and plenty of pizza cheese. Perhaps I was too greedy, because unlike the finger-sized animals, the pizza was the size of a palm.
“Soo-kyung, what are you doing here?”
While I was focusing on the pizza, Kwon Yi-kang, who had returned from work, came to the baby’s room to find me. Opening the door that was slightly ajar, he entered and helped me up from my prone position on the floor.
“Making pizza.”
“Pizza?”
“The lady didn’t give me meat for lunch. And she said she made clam soup for dinner. I can’t eat meat today. She won’t order hamburgers, and she won’t order pizza. I want to eat meat. I want to eat flour, too.”
They won’t let me have snacks because it’s bad for the baby, they won’t let me eat greasy food, and they even won’t let me eat flour—so not to mention fast food.
The baby will grow up eating all those things anyway, so what’s wrong with getting a taste of it while in the womb? I don’t know why there are so many foods to be careful of and why there are foods I shouldn’t eat. More than just dissatisfaction, it’s hard to understand.
“The pizza looks delicious. Shall we swap mine for yours?”
“What the hell are you talking about.”
“Wait here.”
Kwon Yi-kang, having taken off his jacket, stepped out of the room for a moment and returned. Carrying a plate along with a savory scent, he held out a fork in front of me.
“I bought pizza.”
“…Pizza?”
“The lady contacted me as she was leaving, saying you were feeling sullen. The baby is important, but to me, you are more important than the baby. There’s no need for you to endure craving something to the point of being sullen.”
“….”
“Go ahead and eat.”
Placing the fork in one hand and the plate in the other, Kwon Yi-kang spoke with a generous expression. I stared at that face with wavering eyes.
“It’s okay. Eat.”
“…Are you kidding? Your words and actions are too different. I don’t think this is the pizza I know; is it just my imagination?”
More important my ass. All I can see on the thing he bought as “pizza” are greens. What on earth is this bluish grass on top of the pizza? Is it spinach? It doesn’t look like mugwort; maybe it’s a new kind of lettuce.
“It’s a rucola pizza, just try it first. It’s good for your health and the taste is…”
Should I kill him? For a moment, a murderous intent flared.
No. Still, he said it’s pizza. Surely Kwon Yi-kang wouldn’t use pizza to trick me into eating vegetables? He didn’t bring a non-existent pizza, right? The bright green vegetable, whether it’s rucola or whatever, looks incredibly fresh, but it must be my imagination.
Facing something that looked like a distant relative of pizza, millions of light-years away from the pizza I knew, I had no desire to eat it happily.
There was no pepperoni, no ham, no meat, no shrimp, and no overflowing pizza cheese. All I could see were fresh green vegetables.
“Just take one bite. If it tastes bad, I’ll order whatever pizza you want.”
“…Really?”
“Really.”
Since he went that far, I would try it, but it wasn’t exactly a shape that stimulated the appetite. I pressed down hard with the fork as if to kill the living vegetable and folded a piece of pizza in half, popping it into my mouth. With every crunch, the vegetable strongly asserted its liveliness.
“How is it? Does it taste really bad?”
“…I think it’s edible.”
Since the dough was thin, it felt similar to eating a cracker. The vegetables, which I thought would be strange, weren’t bad as I chewed. Unlike the pizzas I’d had before, it was plain and clean.
“It’s okay.”
I finished one piece in an instant and naturally grabbed another, answering while mumbling with food in my mouth. Only then did Kwon Yi-kang, with a smile on his lips, gesture for me to eat more and carefully examine the clay dolls I had made.
“Did you make these today?”
“Yeah. I figured the clay would harden before the baby is born and can play with them. So I just opened it and tried making some.”
“You made them well. You said you used to draw, right? Your artistic sense hasn’t died.”
“I don’t think so. I’m terrible at drawing.”
“Really? You made these quite well.”
Kwon Yi-kang gathered the small clay animals and took a photo of them with his phone. Meanwhile, the clay hamburger and pizza were placed far away. Why is he alienating the hamburger and pizza?
“Why are you taking a picture of that?”
“Because they’re cute. I should brag about them. I’ll show them to the baby later, too.”
I became afraid of who on earth he was going to brag to. I couldn’t imagine Kwon Yi-kang showing photos on his phone and bragging.
“I should make a transparent case and collect them.”
“They crack as they harden. You should throw them away, why collect them?”
“Why throw away works by Mr. Cha Soo-kyung? I’ll collect them and show them to the baby later.”
Does he have nothing to show the baby? I snorted, saying he was talking nonsense, but separately from that, the pizza I was stuffing into my mouth was delicious. It was sad that the only toppings were vegetables, but before I knew it, I had eaten half a pie by myself. He should have bought a larger size. Buying a palm-sized one just makes me feel guilty.
“You seem to have a talent for making things by hand.”
“I don’t think it’s a talent.”
“Have you ever made anything like this before?”
“No. Does this even count as ‘making’ something? It’s not a big deal, I just made it with toys.”
“If it’s your first time making something, it’s even more impressive. I didn’t know your manual dexterity was this good. Let’s find some time later to make other things. It’ll be good for prenatal education.”
“In the end, it’s prenatal education again.”
As I glared at him with pizza in my mouth, Kwon Yi-kang let out an awkward laugh. Pushing the rucola that was poking out from between my lips back in, Kwon Yi-kang gestured for me to finish eating.
“You’re eating well. It’s delicious, right?”
“Yeah.”
Although I complained that it was vegetables, it was still delicious. It would have been even more delicious if the things on top weren’t vegetables. Still, eating pizza for the first time in ages was a heavenly taste.
∞ ∞ ∞
It was the day to go to the hospital. I was the one pregnant, but Kwon Yi-kang, who had been tossing and turning in excitement since last night, rushed to pick me up for fear of being late for the appointment. We could have met at the hospital, but he insisted on the hassle of coming home to pick me up and drive me there.
He was foolish, and he was excessive, but because it meant he cared for me that much, it was also lovely. Even as I grumbled about why he bothered to pick me up, a smile escaped.
It wasn’t that Kwon Yi-kang was the only one; both he and I were equally obsessive.
It wasn’t as if listening to the doctor made things understandable, or seeing the ultrasound made me know anything. We were likely at the same level of ignorance, yet Kwon Yi-kang listened to the doctor’s words like a model student exercising intense concentration.
He really must have been good at studying. Perhaps the psychology of teachers who like model students is similar, as the doctor’s explanations became heartfelt and lengthy in response to Kwon Yi-kang’s enthusiasm. I scribbled down some important points, but I gradually became bored.
“The patient’s weight has increased a bit.”
“Is the belly starting to show now? I feel like it’s starting to come out.”
It wasn’t at the point where one could definitively say it had come out, but I could feel the fat gathering on my stomach. I had seen heavily pregnant women while going to and from the hospital, and thinking about how it starts like this and grows to that size made me scared.
“The belly starts to show little by little after about 20 weeks. And even then, it’s subtle. If your belly is out now, that’s just the patient’s belly. Even good food goes to fat if you eat too much. I told you the risk of miscarriage is high in early pregnancy, right? Since exercise is also dangerous now, please eat in moderation.”
At the doctor’s scathing words, Kwon Yi-kang’s gaze turned toward me. The staring gaze felt as if he were reprimanding me, so my head naturally bowed.
I had certainly eaten a lot of various things under the guise of being pregnant. While Kwon Yi-kang had fed me plenty, it was more my fault for happily accepting it and even seeking out more to eat on my own.
“Fruit? It’s good for you. But if you eat too much fruit, your blood sugar levels will rise. It’s the same for nuts, fish, and meat, even if they’re healthy. Eat only as much as you need. Not too little, and not too much. Please stick to your dietary restrictions.”
“Yeees.”
Why is it that people can’t just eat what they want, as much as they want? I had never felt more sorrowful since being born human. When I was Min Jae-hee, I couldn’t eat because I had no money; now that I’ve become Cha Soo-kyung, I can’t eat even though I have money.
“It’s dangerous for an ordinary person to get diabetes, but imagine how much more dangerous it is to develop it during pregnancy. Gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, pruritus, and so on. You must be especially careful with your health. Both the patient and the baby are at risk.”
I couldn’t bring myself to argue, nor was there any room for excuses. I might have had something to say if I hadn’t eaten only pizza. What was it about that damn pizza that made me devour a whole pie, leaving me in this speechless state?
I listened to various additional precautions, and finally, I was told that the most important thing was to stay relaxed and avoid stress. It was a useless piece of advice, as I was already stressed.
I trudged out of the hospital and got into the car. Noticing my sullen mood, Kwon Yi-kang didn’t say anything; he simply wrapped his arm around my shoulder and patted me quietly.
“It’s okay. You can start the diet today.”
“Shut up.”
I may have no one to argue with, but that doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed by this situation. When I glared at him, telling him not to be so clueless as to offer comfort, Kwon Yi-kang cleared his throat and looked away.
Telling him to just keep patting, I leaned into the arm wrapped around my shoulder and stared blankly out the window. While I was spacing out waiting to get home, the phone in my pocket vibrated.
The only person I usually talk to on the phone was right next to me; was there anyone else who would call me besides Kwon Yi-kang? Thinking it might be a telemarketing call, I checked the screen and saw it was Lee Kyung-jin.
While there are times I need to contact Lee Kyung-jin, there aren’t many reasons for him to contact me. I wondered what was going on. Scratching my cheek, I answered the phone with a sense of anticipation.
—Young Master.
“Mr. Lee. What’s going on? Did something blow up at home? Tell me quickly. I’m really looking forward to it.”
—…….
My sullen and depressed mood from a moment ago vanished. I had a feeling I knew what it was, but I needed to confirm if the business was satisfying enough to meet my expectations. Since I couldn’t see it personally, I had to know how the situation was unfolding.
—Have you received any news by any chance?
“No, I haven’t. But I feel like something happened. Am I right?”
—…Yes. That is why I am calling. The atmosphere at home is currently very poor, so I thought it would be best if you didn’t come this way, even if you are contacted. You have a child and must be careful with your health; you shouldn’t get caught up in something unpleasant.
“You called because you were worried about me. Thank you. So, what happened?”
Perhaps my reaction was different from what he expected, as Lee Kyung-jin sounded flustered, but he slowly unfolded the story. I listened quietly, adding occasional “uh-huhs” and “yeahs.”
“Thanks for calling. I’m not even there, so Mr. Lee must be uncomfortable staying behind to keep watch for no reason.”
—Your health and well-being are the most important things, Young Master.
“Well, I’m always healthy.”
Wasn’t the problem that I was eating and living too well? I lightly pinched the fat on my side and let out a small sigh.
“Anyway, thanks. If it gets too uncomfortable there, feel free to use me as an excuse to slip away anytime.”
—No, sir. I will monitor the situation here and contact you again.
He was saying sweet things without even being asked. I thanked him and hung up. I beamed a gentle smile at Kwon Yi-kang, who was asking with his eyes what had happened.
“Something blew up. Something big.”
As expected, Father was still young. He seemed to live without ambition or interest in anything, but once a goal was set, his energy overflowed. Grudges and anger must have played a part. He probably agonized over it for a while, but once he reached a conclusion, everything moved swiftly.
I heard that after the Omega Father threw the divorce papers in the Alpha Father’s face yesterday evening, the house was in chaos. Lee Kyung-jin isn’t the talkative type, nor is he obligated to give me every detail, but he must have thought it was a significant event to relay the story so carefully.
Since the atmosphere at home was sharp, he suggested it would be best not to contact or visit for the time being. I had expected something to happen soon, so it wasn’t surprising, but the fact that the Omega Father moved this quickly was unexpected.
Indeed, a person needs money. Because he has money, he can win through sheer volume. There is likely a massive army of lawyers backing those divorce papers.
He said the Alpha Father went through a fit—screaming, trying to persuade, screaming again, breaking things, pleading while crying, and then screaming once more. It must have been a bolt from the blue for the Alpha Father, but considering the past, isn’t it more surprising that he lived quietly for twenty years?
“Ah, I feel so good. Since we’re already out, let’s skip work.”
A refreshing development provides vicarious satisfaction. Since it’s a household I dislike, it wouldn’t be bad to watch it slowly crumble, taking hit after hit.
It was already a sign of ruin from the moment I became Cha Soo-kyung and entered this house, and by encouraging the Omega Father, I was making that ruin larger and faster.
As they say, you reap what you sow. If you’ve ruined someone else’s life, you should give up the idea of living comfortably for a thousand years, enjoying everything, and closing your eyes in peace.
Let’s give back exactly what was received. That was the resolution I made upon becoming Cha Soo-kyung. I hope the Omega Father also feels the joy of returning exactly what was received.
∞ ∞ ∞
“It’s okay. I’m just going to see them and say a few words.”
—Still, you should have told me in advance. I’ll come now, so wait for me.
“I told you it’s fine.”
This is exactly why I didn’t tell him. I only said I was going out and brought the security personnel, but it seems Kwon Yi-kang was contacted as soon as my destination was confirmed. Even if they aren’t people I hired, is it normal for confidentiality to be this poor?
“I don’t go around getting hit anymore. Stop worrying and just do your work, Director Kwon.”
—Are you sure you don’t need me? If you happen to get hit or if something bad happens, don’t think you’ll ever be allowed to go out alone again. Promise me.
This thorough man. He can’t let a single thing slide and always sets up a final line of defense like this. Only after I reluctantly gave a firm confirmation did Kwon Yi-kang hang up.
“We have arrived.”
As the door was opened for me, I stepped out and replied, “Thank you.”
Without moving a step, I looked up at the large hospital building before me. I remember looking up at this building in the dead of night when I first entered Cha Soo-kyung’s body. Back then, the hospital felt large, quiet, and solemn; now, it only looked bustling and dirty.
I took the elevator to the VIP floor. My purpose was to visit Grandfather, who was occupying a spot and lying there, but it wasn’t to wish for his recovery.
The hospital staff looked momentarily bewildered seeing the swarm of security personnel. When I gave my name and asked for Grandfather’s room, I was let through immediately, likely after they spoke with someone inside.
As if conducting a show of force, I lined up the men in black suits along the VIP floor corridor and entered Grandfather’s room.
I had come to see if he was dying, since I heard he hadn’t recovered his strength since the funeral of Kwon Yi-kang’s mother, but he looked healthier than expected. Then again, if he were just an old man about to die, he wouldn’t have been able to act so maliciously.
“I knew you would come.”
“…….”
I don’t know what he’s relying on to have such a confident face. Has he not heard the news about the chaos at home? I was curious to see how that face would change if he heard that the person he belittled as having “no pedigree” had sent divorce papers, but I decided to leave that pleasure to the Omega Father.
“Go back home. And as for the foundation… start as an intern. You aren’t thinking of taking a position without knowing your place, are you?”
So, the words from the Omega Father about “preparing a position at the foundation” seem to have originated from Grandfather.
I’m just so grateful and touched that I don’t know what to do with myself.
“I don’t want to.”
“……What?”
“When did I ever ask for anything? I’ve said I don’t need the hospital or the foundation, so why do you keep making a fuss? Even if Grandfather begs me to take it, I won’t, so you can keep that grand intern position to yourself.”
I pulled over a chair and sat down far away from the bed. Even though the old man is lying there, he’s still strong enough that I don’t know when he might grab me by the collar. Normally, I wouldn’t care if I got hit once or twice, but since I have a child and it’s a period where I must be careful, it was safer to stay away from the old man in many ways.
“Do you think Hosan will become yours just because Baek-joo and Dong-hu are gone? With one word from me, you and your father will be out on the street empty-handed. Do you even know what you’re saying!”
Empty-handed, my foot. Right now, the Alpha Father is about to have all his assets stripped by the Omega Father. Grandfather was the one failing to grasp the situation.
“I think Grandfather has a very long life span.”
“What on earth!”
Grandfather flew into a rage at my random remark. I suppose even a man who has lived long enough gets angry when you talk about his life span. He is still a greedy man.
“You’re still alive and well even after all your children and grandchildren have passed away. Truly tenacious. Now only the Alpha Father is left. Instead of wasting your energy tormenting those with no pedigree, why don’t you two live happily together?”
“Do you really not need it? Do you think you can live well and fine outside the shadow of Hosan?”
“I really don’t need it. I’m living well even now. In fact, I almost died once under the shadow of Hosan—do you not remember that? The shadow was so powerful I felt like I was withering away. I barely survived, so there’s no way I’m crawling back into that shadow.”
Cha Soo-kyung withered away under that shadow, and I pulled out my roots to escape it. Plants need the sun to live, and people need the sun to live too. Even if one lives comfortably under a shadow, a weakened body and mind have no way to withstand the wind and rain.
“Hosan, which Grandfather loved so much, Hosan, which you considered more important than anything. It ends with Father’s generation. I won’t beg for it, and there’s no need for Grandfather to force it upon me if he doesn’t want to give it.”
There are so many things to do in the world; why bother exchanging things while suppressing bad feelings? Moreover, if the divorce lawsuit proceeds, that foundation might be cut in half. If the foundation isn’t considered Father’s property, it might be hard to touch, but Grandfather must have mistreated the Omega Father terribly. Grandfather won’t be able to avoid responsibility either.
“I think people have a desire to share secrets. In that sense, Grandfather and Father, who locked up their children for over thirty years without uttering a word, were truly tenacious, and the Omega Father was also truly tenacious.”
“I don’t want to hear it. If you’re going to spout nonsense, get out. I will no longer consider you of the Hosan bloodline. The name Hosan is a waste on you!”
“I don’t particularly need that name. I wonder how much resentment and sin are attached to it. Don’t you think people would be truly shocked if they knew?”
Anyone listening would think the name Hosan is actually valuable. While they live intoxicated by that thought. If everything that happened under the name Hosan were revealed, people would refuse it even if it were given to them.
“How did you feel when you heard from Father that he violated someone with no pedigree and even got them pregnant? Did you reflect that you raised your child wrong, or did you click your tongue, wondering why he chose such a low-born person?”
Probably the latter. Looking at how Grandfather behaved, it was undoubtedly the latter.
“Did you know that the second eldest brother ran someone over with a car and killed them? How did you feel when you heard that? Did you think the education of your children and grandchildren was flawed, or did you think he had created a nuisance?”
This, too, would be the latter. If he had cared about the education of his children and grandchildren, he should have taught them the fear of the law. He should have told them that what they did was a crime, that it was wrong, and made them pay the price. But no one took responsibility.
“I said it earlier. People want to share secrets. I couldn’t understand it. Why did they bring it up at that specific timing after hiding it so well all this time? But now I think I know. ……They wanted to brag about the result.”
“What are you babbling about? Stop this nonsense!”
“The second brother’s accident—I heard the eldest brother caused it. He said it proudly before he died. That it was his car accident. That he framed the second brother for it.”
I knew the second brother had killed someone with a car, but Grandfather probably didn’t know the real culprit was the eldest.
As expected, he looked slightly surprised, but soon his face returned to a ‘so what’ expression. Indeed, killing someone with a car is the same regardless; whether the culprit of an already covered-up incident was the eldest or the second, what did it matter to Grandfather?
It was an accident that had been buried anyway. Moreover, both the eldest and the second, who were called the culprits, were already dead. It was plain to see in his eyes that he thought killing someone with a car was no big deal.
“I started wondering if one has to commit a crime to belong to this household. So, I caused an accident too.”
I leaned back in the chair, wrapped both hands around my stomach, and stared intently at Grandfather.
“A secret is only a secret if no one knows, but then you start wanting to tell that secret. You want to brag that you did it, that you did something you don’t know about. Can I brag? That I… killed the eldest brother.”
“……What? What did you just, what did you say?”
“I pushed him and he died. And then, only I was left. But don’t worry. I didn’t kill him because I was greedy for Hosan. He was just too much of a piece of trash. I thought the world would be a better place without him.”
“You crazy bastard! You’ve lost your mind! You killed your own brother?”
“What does it matter? My brother killed a person; why couldn’t I kill one?”
The eldest even killed two people. And yet he lived shamelessly, eating and drinking and enjoying everything before he died. He was better off than I was, whose life was ruined by that accident. He was the perpetrator and lived well; I was the victim and lived in pain.
“You piece of filth. Someone like you should be eating prison food. Do you think I’ll leave you alone!”
“I think you will. Or, do you want to fall into hell together? The moment I’m dragged away, do you know what words will come out of my mouth? Grandfather, you might be pointed at for morally locking up your own child, but that’s not a crime.”
If I set my mind to it, I could fabricate some crime to entangle him, but if I set my mind to it, I could find any reason to get out. But would it be the same for the other family members?
“The Alpha Father is a rapist, the eldest brother committed murder in the past, and the family covered up that murder case. The second brother was a drug addict and distributed drugs to his friends. I wonder if that includes drug trafficking. The house covered that up too, right? If the details of how much money was spent to cover those cases come out of my mouth, the people who backed you will be so pleased.”
That’s why it won’t work. A fight between you and me. I have nothing to lose, but Grandfather has too much to lose. People who have a lot have a lot to protect, so they are weak despite their power.
“If you want us to self-destruct together, that’s fine too. But I’ve thought about it, and it turns out I had depression. I’ll expose the filth of our family, and instead of prison, I’ll just get some hospital treatment. How strange that in our household, not a single person who committed a crime ever went to prison.”
If this is a blessing, it’s a blessing in its own way. Since the eldest and the second died before they could be dragged to prison. As I clapped my hands, saying how amazing it was, Grandfather’s face distorted like a demon.
“News will break everywhere, and it’ll be printed large in the newspapers. Once the whole world knows, it’s only a matter of time before the rumors you love so much spread. Then, will the name Hosan still feel so proud and wonderful? I can already see it wavering.”
Hyenas waiting for an opportunity might sharpen their claws and pounce, and jackals will appear, thinking of how to take a piece from the inside or outside. As it wavers, the substance will vanish, leaving only the name Hosan behind.
I wonder what kind of faces Grandfather and Father would make, clutching onto a hosan that is now a name in all but everything. It was a pity that my meager imagination made it difficult to predict those expressions.
“Ah, that was exhilarating and refreshing.”
There is a saying, ‘Keep this only between us.’ It’s supposed to be a secret, but you’re dying to tell someone. So, you tell just one person to feel better, but by the next morning, the rumor has spread and everyone knows.
Even if one person tells only one other person, eventually, everyone finds out. There are no secrets. However, I am certain that the secret I just shared will remain a secret forever. It’s just that Grandfather, holding onto a secret he cannot speak of, will be dying of frustration.
“Shall we keep this just between us? This secret? I feel quite alright since I told Grandfather, but his tongue must be itching to speak. Then again, Grandfather is good at hiding secrets. He hid Aunt’s for over thirty years, after all.”
“You little bastard…”
“I’m sure you’ll do a great job this time too. Unless you want to see hosan go bankrupt.”
I stared straight into his eyes, speaking clearly as if to confirm. The old man is good at hiding secrets, but he seems a bit lacking when it comes to suppressing a sudden surge of anger.
“Or, you could just get drenched in the filth with them. I think I’m more than capable of dragging hosan through the mud.”
“You damn brat!”
Grandfather let out a loud shout and threw a pillow at me. The pillow grazed me and hit the hospital room door before falling.
See. I told you the old man still has plenty of energy. I have no idea who he’s trying to fool by lying in that hospital bed. He looks like the type who could easily go for a one-hour run outside.
“I came by because I heard you were hospitalized, but you’re still quite healthy. You might even outlive Father. Please, live a long, long time while clinging to hosan. You don’t even have a grandson to inherit it anymore. You should hold on as long as possible.”
I watched Grandfather, who was unable to contain his rage and began pounding the bed with his fist.
A prestigious medical family. Because people looked up to them and they made a fair amount of money, they truly believed they were something special. Looking down on others, crushing them, hurting them—they mistook that for a natural right.
When I was Min Jae-hee, I thought I was the only piece of trash. Now that I’ve become Cha Soo-kyung, I’ve realized there are different kinds of trash. This is a massive piece of trash on a whole different dimension.
“Oh, and I’m pregnant.”
“…What did you say?”
Grandfather, who had been pounding the bed, froze instantly and glared at me. The look he gave my still-flat stomach was vicious, as if he wanted to drag me into an operating room right this second.
“You actually… you actually carried that bastard’s seed!”
“Don’t get too excited. After all, it’s Grandfather’s first grandchild, so you must be happy. The first grandchild and the first maternal grandchild, I suppose. My baby must be a real blessing.”
“I won’t allow it! I cannot let the blood of hosan be mixed with such filthy blood…”
“What does it matter? You said it yourself, Grandfather. That I have no pedigree. What’s it matter if a pedigree-less bloodline mixes with some bastard’s? Would it even be filthier than the blood of the Cha family?”
If I had to pick the thing I hated most, it was the blood of the Cha family.
Since I’d said everything I needed to and everything I wanted to, I had no further regrets and stood up from the chair. I rubbed my stomach ostentatiously and smiled at Grandfather.
“They say the baby is growing very healthily. I went and heard the heartbeat last time.”
“Damn it, you animals!”
Other people are careful with their words when they hear a baby is on the way, but as expected, my grandfather is no ordinary man. He has absolutely no filter.
“I’ll be having a wedding soon, so let me know in advance if you plan to attend. I’ll send you an invitation. Your health seems fine, so please be discharged soon.”
I hope I don’t have to see him again. I want to sever ties with the Chas, and since I have no greed for the hosan hospital or foundation, I hope we aren’t linked through them.
It would be nice if they gave me money, but if I get stressed for that reason and something happens to the baby, Kwon Yi-kang would be heartbroken. He’s a man who practically sweeps up every baby product in sight; for the sake of his admirable effort, I must give birth to a healthy child.
“Grandfather… if you ever feel like sharing the secret, feel free to blow it wide open. I’ll help you set a bigger fire.”
“You damn brat! You miserable son of a bitch! You should never have been born. I should never have taken you in. You’re a curse to this family!”
“The ones who ruined the family were other people. You should have given them a proper home education. Since there are no bloodlines left, if you or Father happen to have a late-life child, please make sure to teach them some proper character.”
As long as my child resembles even half of Kwon Yi-kang, I’ll have nothing to worry about. Handsome, kind, and gentle, just like Kwon Yi-kang. I am a bit worried that he might be too much of a pushover, but as long as his character is upright, that’s enough.
I’ll grab hold of the child from a young age and teach them character and filial piety. I won’t give them too much money, so they can develop a sense of finance and not end up like someone who thinks money solves everything.
Leaving behind the grandfather who was screaming like a madman, I patted my stomach and left the hospital room. I don’t think I’ll ever have a reason to come to this hospital again, whether as a patient or as a member of the Cha family.