By Zephyria 
Truthfully, it had been half a test. Looking at In-ho’s expression, it seemed he really had deleted Seong-gu hyung’s text.
“I’m sorry.”
In-ho apologized immediately, admitting his mistake. He had no excuse even if Haon were to fly into a rage.
He had touched Haon’s phone without permission and gone so far as to delete accumulated messages. Moreover, the person who had reached out was someone Haon regarded as family.
The moment he saw the message asking how Haon was and saying he missed him, he had pressed the delete button without thinking. He was bothered by the existence of someone who seemed more intimately connected to Haon than he was. He hated the idea of Haon saying “I love you” to anyone other than himself.
I only have Haon-ssi. But Haon had too many people to love and long for besides him. He couldn’t bear it.
In-ho rubbed his forehead hard, mocking his own pathetic thoughts. Haon gently wrapped his hand around the back of In-ho’s.
“You won’t delete messages anymore, right?”
He didn’t ask why he had done it. He simply asked him not to do it again.
In-ho looked back at Haon with wavering eyes.
“I won’t.”
Having received the answer he wanted, Haon gave a bright smile and led him toward the dining table. He tried to return to the mundane conversations of daily life, talking about what to have for dinner. However, In-ho stopped in his tracks.
“Aren’t you going to ask why I deleted it?”
The more he spoke, the more In-ho’s left chest throbbed. It felt as if his dull heartbeat was rising up into his throat.
He was anxious. He couldn’t quite read Haon’s thoughts.
“You can be angry. I did wrong by you, Haon-ssi.”
Even though Haon expressed his liking and love for him every single moment, In-ho couldn’t put his mind at ease. He felt as if Haon might simply reassure him and then suddenly vanish.
An endless sense of anxiety reared its head frequently. It was because he had revealed his rock bottom to Haon. He knew this would happen. That was why he had tried to hide it no matter what, knowing he would end up looking pathetic.
“In-ho-ssi.”
After seating In-ho in a dining chair, Haon looked down at him. No emotion was visible on his face, which wore a soft smile.
In-ho felt an urge to run away. For some reason, he felt as if his heart would crumble if they continued this conversation. As In-ho bit his lip and tried to turn his head away, Haon cupped his cheek, holding his gaze.
“I… make the people around me very anxious.”
What Haon said was something In-ho hadn’t expected.
“My grandmother was like that, and Seong-gu hyung was too. They wouldn’t even let me ride a bike alone. Because I always got hurt.”
“…….”
“Even when I was little, I’d always hide it when I was sick, which just made the illness worse. So my grandmother and hyung asked if I was okay and took care of me almost every day. Just like In-ho-ssi.”
As Haon continued speaking softly, the corners of his eyes gradually reddened.
“I think… if I were next to someone like me, I’d be very anxious too.”
A thin breath, faintly exhaled, carried a hint of moisture. Feeling Haon’s damp breath against his cheek, In-ho grasped the back of Haon’s hand.
“So I understand everything you’re worried about.”
In-ho’s hand, touching the back of Haon’s, was cool. Haon, with his head lowered, rubbed the cold hand against his lips.
“And I also want you to only look at me, In-ho-ssi.”
In-ho opened his mouth wordlessly, inhaling as he looked up at Haon. Perhaps catching it from Haon, heat began to gather in his own eyes.
“Then why did you pack your things?”
A small tear welled up at the corner of In-ho’s eye.
“Where were you planning to go?”
The bag Haon had hidden was full of neatly folded clothes. The watch In-ho had gifted him was buried among the clothes. It was clearly luggage packed for a departure.
As In-ho struggled to speak, his violent heartbeat was transmitted to Haon as well. Haon, with even more tears clinging to his eyes than In-ho, smiled brightly. He smiled to reassure In-ho.
“In-ho-ssi, you like me, right?”
Then, he asked an abrupt question.
“You love me, right?”
“Of course I do.”
In-ho answered instantly, without a moment’s hesitation. His heavy, undeniable sincerity reached Haon. A tear pooled in the curved corner of Haon’s eye and finally dropped.
“You’ll keep loving me, right?”
As In-ho nodded, the tears in his own eyes flowed down his cheeks. A hot heat pooled in his mouth.
Haon wrapped his arm around In-ho’s shoulder and slowly continued the conversation. As always, In-ho never rushed him.
“Last time.”
“Yes.”
“You said you’re only happy when you’re with me.”
He had. When Haon asked if he liked being with him, In-ho had answered without hesitation. That he was only happy when he was with Haon-ssi. It was the truth, without a hint of exaggeration.
“Then, would you be happy with just me?”
Again, it was a question that required no deliberation. In-ho swallowed through his tightening throat and opened his damp lips.
“Of course.”
“Could you live in a small house where bugs come out?”
“As long as I have you, Haon-ssi.”
“The internet doesn’t work well… and we won’t be able to go to nice restaurants.”
Haon continued to discourage him. He said it was so cold in the winter that toes would curl up, and so hot in the summer that it was stifling even if you slept naked. The rural house where Haon lived was not a place maintained at a constant, comfortable temperature like In-ho’s home.
“As long as I have you, I can live there.”
In-ho looked at Haon with reddened eyes, wearing a trembling smile. All he wanted was to be with Haon. That was enough.
“Then come with me.”
Haon spoke the words he had pondered for a long time. Ever since he had kept watch by In-ho’s bedside while he was collapsed, he had thought of his rural home, far removed from Seoul.
Rather than Seoul, where everything was packed tight, what if they went down to the countryside, where though many things were lacking, it was filled with clean air and generous hearts? He had endured the stagnant flow of time while contemplating this.
Until his grandmother passed away, the neighborhood where Haon lived had been a place of utmost abundance and love. Because there were few residents, they cherished one another and worried about each other’s problems as if they were their own.
When a young Haon caught a severe cold, the whole neighborhood would gather to nurse him back to health. It was a village with that much affection. There would surely be more than enough affection to give to In-ho as well.
“There’s a small field in front of my house.”
Haon whispered that vegetables always grew well there. Having spent enough time scaring him, it was now time to entice In-ho.
“Seong-gu hyung’s house does rice farming too. So we can eat rice every day.”
At the very least, they could live without worrying about starving. However, it would likely be a very boring place for In-ho. The only things in the small village were people. While the few residents lived harmoniously, sharing affection, there were no amusements for young people to enjoy.
Would In-ho-ssi, who had only lived in the city, be able to adapt? Haon wasn’t sure. He couldn’t guarantee that In-ho wouldn’t regret it after abandoning everything to leave with him.
Because In-ho had so much, Haon didn’t have the confidence to provide things that matched his status.
“No matter how much I think about it…”
Nevertheless, there was only one reason he brought it up.
“I don’t think I can make it without you, In-ho-ssi.”
So, he asked if they could live together for the rest of their lives. The words that he felt he could never break up with him were veiled by tears.
He had intended to speak without crying until the end. But a suppressed sob leaked from his burning throat. Seeing In-ho shedding as many tears as he was, he simply couldn’t hold back his crying.
“I’ll… try my best so that you won’t be anxious.”
Still, he managed to get out all the words he had prepared.
“I won’t get sick often, and if I do, I’ll get better quickly.”
Haon carefully placed his hand on In-ho’s cheek, where tears had not yet dried. Then, he gently rubbed the scab on In-ho’s left cheek with his thumb.
It was a scar similar in shape to the wound left on the face of In-ho’s younger brother. The more he saw it, the more a fire-like anger spread in Haon’s chest. He hadn’t known such great rage existed within him. If he hadn’t met In-ho, he would have lived his whole life not knowing. Thanks to In-ho, Haon had discovered something new again.
“In-ho-ssi, come with me.”
He didn’t want to live in a place where people who hurt In-ho existed. Even if it were an escape, he wanted him to leave with him.
Haon’s fingers wove themselves between In-ho’s. He looked at him, shaking their tightly entwined hands as if urging him.
To Haon, who suggested abandoning everything they owned to leave, In-ho responded first with a wet smile. He opened his lips, which were brushed by tears, closed them again, and simply smiled. He couldn’t answer easily.
The Adam’s apple of the hesitating In-ho bobbed. After a short silence, he murmured in a deliberately playful tone.
“All I have is money.”
That really was all In-ho had. If he threw that away, there was nothing he could do for Haon.
“You have me.”
Haon whispered quickly, increasing the grip between their entwined fingers.
“Just have me. I’ll give you everything.”
As Haon spoke each word with emphasis, his eyes grew firmer. Immersed in love, Haon’s face looked stronger than In-ho’s. Right now, there was nothing in the world he feared except for In-ho. Being rejected by him was the most terrifying thing in the world.
Haon seemed to have no intention of letting go of their firmly entwined hands. In-ho’s heart, held helplessly by him, regained its stability in an instant. As if it had been waiting.
Rising from the chair, In-ho pulled Haon into an embrace. The moment their chins touched, they sought each other’s lips.
A sweet energy seeped through their overlapping lips. It was a warm energy that allowed them to breathe.
Whenever they absorbed each other’s warmth like this, both felt their painful memories blurring. It felt as if their crumpled hearts were being straightened out.
To that extent, they became an incomparable solace to one another. Now, instead of tears, smiles lingered at the corners of Haon and In-ho’s eyes.