By Zephyria 
When I vowed to kill all the gods on earth, Mahir told me,
‘All that will happen is another god will appear.’
Did he realize it on his own, like an enlightened pioneer?
How does he know what to do? How does he clearly recognize the path he must take? How can he look only ahead without wavering? How can he be so sure of what is right and wrong?
Every time we met, I was curious, but in the end, I couldn’t ask. Because I already realized that there was a deep river between Mahir and me that could not be crossed.
It was a different matter from respecting Mahir.
From the beginning, we were different, so there was no point in assuming ‘what if I were you.’
I simply thought that because our innate natures were different, we would learn different things even if we saw and heard the same things in the same environment. Of course, this wasn’t entirely wrong, but there was a more fundamental problem.
The moment the assumption became certain, scenes flashed through my mind like a panorama. The countless words Mahir had said to me, the look in his eyes, the affection that was like an inexhaustible spring…
“Books…”
I turned my gaze to Mahir and muttered. Mahir, who was talking to the Servant, looked at me. As soon as our eyes met, I watched his expression and opened my mouth.
“You never read me books.”
“Books?”
“To me…”
“……”
A subtle crack appeared on Mahir’s face at my muttering.
Seeing that, I was sure again. I don’t know when it started, but Mahir also knows. That he is the son of the late Emperor.
There were times when I had doubts. How could he be so affectionate, even if we were blood relatives? In the imperial palace, where all sides were like cliffs, Mahir was the one who taught me how to stand up and walk.
He taught me how to reflect when I made mistakes, and how to apologize when I made mistakes. He was the only one who told me that royals were not gods, and that I could say I didn’t want to do something when I didn’t want to.
Perhaps all of those things were a sense of guilt for the affection he might have unintentionally taken away.
“……”
When I got to that point, I couldn’t help but feel absurd. I spouted dog-like nonsense to test Mahir’s feelings, but I never wanted anything like that from Khalifa in the first place.
I never thought of that affection as mine, but the thought that he might have felt guilty about it and taken care of me when I was young made Mahir seem foolish.
What did it matter to me whether Khalifa read books to other people or taught them how to live in the world?
Of course, that compassion was a great help and comfort to me, so there was nothing wrong with it in itself. Even if it was based on compassion, wasn’t it still affection?
However, if this was true, I just felt sorry for Mahir, who must have suffered a lot.
I watched Mahir, who seemed to be choosing something to say, and then spoke.
“Come to think of it, my brother did read me books when I was young. We were all lying in bed together, my brother, Nadia, and I, looking at fairy tales. Do you remember?”
“I do.”
I smiled as I watched Mahir chuckle and answer briefly.
“It’s ridiculous. Breaking into a married couple’s bedroom in the middle of the night and asking them to read you a book… Why didn’t they kick you out?”
Was that also pity? I imagined smashing my head in at the ugly thought that came to mind before I could stop it.
“Nadia liked you a lot.”
“What…”
I was about to say that we played together almost every day when we were young, but I stopped. That’s because Nadia almost died because of my mistake while we were playing.
“She still likes you.”
“……”
Mahir reached out and patted my shoulder.
“So play with her sometimes, like you used to when you were young.”
At those words, I smiled and nodded.
The surroundings were noisy and chaotic, but I was the only one who felt a sense of silence. In the quiet silence, I felt awkward and made a resolution.
I would never mention the story about the late Emperor until I died.
The moment Mahir knew that I knew, something would change. I might not be able to live like this anymore.
Given Mahir’s personality, his attitude towards me wouldn’t change just because of that, but subtle things that I couldn’t put into words would definitely change.
If I just pretended not to know, nothing would change from now.
“He’s not in the lounge?”
When I changed the subject, Mahir nodded.
To clear my mind, I thought about where Khalifa might have gone.
Khalifa’s usual places of residence were extremely limited. So if he suddenly disappeared like this, there was no way to find him. The only unusual thing recently was that he went back and forth between Jihad and Talim, so there might be a clue…
“Shittim tree…”
As I muttered at the thought that suddenly came to mind, Mahir tilted his head.
“Shittim tree? Why?”
“……”
I had a bad feeling. But how wide is Talim, what are the odds of them running into each other? Aska is sleeping in his room, and even if Khalifa really went to Talim to see the Shittim tree, he would have gone to the Training arena.
“Kyle?”
Mahir called me one more time. I tried to act as calm as possible, but anxiety crept in. I was already in a state of disarray, so I couldn’t calm my mind easily.
“What’s wrong?”
I closed my mouth at Mahir’s worried voice, took a deep breath, and said.
“I’ll go out and look for him too, so you stay here. We can’t both leave.”
“Don’t go out. It’s more noticeable if you go out and search. You seem to have a hunch about where he is, just tell me where.”
That was true. It was much better to have a Servant or knight look for him than for me to look for him. I knew it, but I was so frustrated that I didn’t want to be here any longer.
To be exact, I was uncomfortable with this situation of facing Mahir.
“I was going to go because I talked about the Shittim tree when I came to Talim. I’ll just go and come back quickly.”
“To Sa Dillin? I’ll send someone, so you just stay here.”
Perhaps sensing that I wasn’t in a good state, Mahir insisted. And he turned his back to me and talked to the Servant.
I overheard him asking how many Shittim trees there were in Sa Dillin. What I said was the tree that used to be in the Training arena of Talim, which has now been uprooted, but anyway, I didn’t lie.
I watched Mahir talking to the Servant for a long time and quietly backed away. Perhaps because the surroundings were so noisy, Mahir didn’t notice me moving. Or maybe he didn’t think I would sneak out like this.
As soon as I quietly left the banquet hall, I headed to Talim. It was obvious that Mahir would hear me if I called a carriage, so I just ran at full speed.
By now, he would have noticed that I had disappeared, but he wouldn’t be able to find me easily. He would probably think that I went to find the Shittim tree planted somewhere in Sa Dillin.
After running for a long time until I was out of breath, I was able to reach Talim in no time. The first place I headed to was the room where Aska was sleeping.
Of course, he should have been sleeping on the bed, hugging the blanket I had covered him with before I left.
“……”
That’s definitely what should have happened, but the room I opened the door to was empty. I couldn’t believe it, so I lifted the blanket several times and ended up pulling everything on the bed to the floor, but Aska was nowhere to be seen.
“Ha…”
Naturally, the worst-case scenario came to mind. But isn’t this too absurd? What are the odds that Khalifa would be in the Training arena and that a drunk Aska would suddenly wake up and go to the Training arena?
What are the odds of them meeting?
It was a situation that could never happen, but I was already assuming the worst and running again.
And not long after, I discovered Daram quickly following me before I even arrived at the Training arena, and I cursed inwardly.
“Is he in the Training arena?”
“Yes.”
“With whom?”
“He was alone until a little while ago.”
Is that a relief? But the uneasy feeling remained.
“From now on, you’re on vacation, so send everyone out except for the minimum. Restrict the remaining personnel’s activity radius and prohibit them from entering the main building until sunrise. That goes for you too. Stop following me and go back.”
Daram seemed to have something to say, but I didn’t have time to listen. As I increased my speed, he gradually moved away and eventually Daram’s presence disappeared.
I desperately hoped that I had overreacted, but there were two figures in the Training arena when I arrived.