By Zephyria 
When thinking about something, I always imagine the worst-case scenario first. I say it’s easier to deal with that way, but it’s really just a habit.
That’s why most bad things usually fell far short of my vivid imagination. Especially when it came to things involving people close to me, I did my best to imagine the most atrocious situations possible.
But this was something that even I, who always thought too negatively, had never imagined.
“……”
I’d thought countless times about Aska sucking my blood for the rest of his life. I’d even imagined him being exposed as a Magical creature, and us fighting the world together.
I’d considered what to do if Aska, as a Magical creature, could never return to being human. Even when he couldn’t communicate and only sought slaughter and destruction in a mud-like state, even when he tried to kill me, even when he said he didn’t love me anymore or tried to leave me to be independent, even when he cheated on me with someone else or accidentally massacred innocent people while drunk.
I guarantee I could have handled all of those situations.
But why had I never once considered that I might become a burden to Aska?
Whether I succumbed to the pain of the illness, went insane like Khalifa, or was avenged upon by my enemies.
I thought my worst-case scenario was death.
That’s why I was confident that I wouldn’t be flustered even if I suddenly found myself at the edge of life. I’d been preparing for it since I was young, never going a day without thinking about that moment.
“……”
Watching Aska desperately trying to hold back his sobs, I didn’t know what to say. I thought I should soothe him first, but the voice that came out of my mouth was sharp as a needle.
“Take it back.”
“Then you’ll die.”
“I won’t die right away. This is causing problems for you too, right now. First, take it back and solve that, then let’s think of another way. And take that thing off. The thing stuck to your skin.”
I’d been asking him to show it to me, but Aska didn’t seem to want to at all, not moving an inch. He just covered his face and sobbed like a poor, heartbroken person.
“Just let me see it. Why do you keep making me say things twice?”
“I can’t take it back. You were already vomiting blood and having trouble breathing when I just lost consciousness for a moment. Don’t you remember?”
“That was happening before I came to see you. Your collapsing just shocked me and made the symptoms worse. I was able to endure it up there.”
“I said no!”
Then Aska lowered the hand that had been covering his face and shouted. In that short time, he hadn’t just gotten a little teary-eyed. His face and even his collar were all wet.
His stubbornly raised eyes were bloodshot. Watching him sob and pant while tears streamed down his face, I felt annoyed again, but I held it in for now.
“Then show me that first. Why do you keep covering it up?”
“I’m not going to show you this no matter what you say, so don’t make me say things twice. It hurts my mouth.”
“……”
The heat swirling in my chest rose to the top of my head. I relaxed my body as much as possible and took a deep breath, swallowing my anger again.
I desperately tried to hold it in because I didn’t want to see him cry anymore. Aska seemed to have a hard time even looking at that, and he pouted again before lowering his gaze.
Aska, who had been dripping thick drops of tears incessantly, rubbed his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.
How much yelling would it take to break that stubbornness? I knew the most effective way to threaten Aska well enough, but I couldn’t bring myself to use it.
I thought about what I could solve first in the given situation.
“Can’t you just make it again like when we were under the lake? You can make a body that’s been shattered to pieces, so why can’t you make a heart again?”
I asked urgently, but Aska just kept sobbing with his face covered, not answering at all. Frustrated, I grabbed Aska’s wrist and forcibly pulled it down.
“You can just make it again like before. Even if it takes time……”
I stopped speaking. I remembered Pipi bringing several corpses to Aska, who had only existed as a mass in the water.
In order to heal wounds or restore lost flesh, a corresponding amount of life force is needed.
“Do you need humans? Is that why you’ve been in that state until now? Because I told Pipi not to eat people anymore?”
Aska was there when I warned Pipi, Popo, and Chichi. Aska was also a Magical creature, so he couldn’t just ignore what I said to them.
Suddenly, my vision blurred, and Aska, who had been shedding tears, said in a nasal voice.
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it!”
When I raised my voice in frustration, Aska flinched again in surprise. I felt sorry for him, but I didn’t have time to think about comforting him.
I turned my past memories inside out, sifting through them to find out where and how many humans could die.
Getting living people or corpses wasn’t actually that difficult. The problem was that avoiding Mahir’s eyes was the biggest obstacle.
“How many did Pipi bring when you were under the lake?”
Still, if it was a small number, it was possible enough, so I grabbed Aska’s shoulders tightly and shook him lightly as I asked. His tearful eyes filled with tears again.
He seemed not so much sad as incredibly wronged.
“Why do you keep yelling?”
“What?”
“Why do you keep yelling and getting angry at me!”
My head was already a mess, and Aska kept wasting time on useless things.
“Is that important right now? Okay, I’m sorry for getting angry. I’m sorry for yelling. It’s my fault. So please just answer when I ask you something instead of stalling.”
“You’re still getting angry!”
“Aska!”
Aska’s eyes widened like saucers as he gasped when I called his name loudly. I tightened my grip on his trembling shoulders and pulled him towards me. I stared into his wet eyes, which were right in front of me, and asked.
“Do you think I can’t get angry right now?”
“……”
“I found out that you’re not getting healthier, but actually breathing while sucking my life force like a leech, and you think I can’t get angry?”
Aska was reminded of Pipi’s words that every day was an emergency. Could it be that I suddenly couldn’t smell my blood because of this? And the regression? It wasn’t just because it wasn’t pretty, but was it actually because of me?
Come to think of it, I think I’ve been sleeping in more lately.
Everything became suspicious at that moment, and Aska lowered his head and muttered.
“That’s why I didn’t say anything.”
“……”
“I kept not saying anything because I thought you’d think that……”
Aska stammered, sobbing.
“The reason I can’t make my heart again like when I was under the lake is not because there are no corpses…… It’s because it takes too long to make a new one. I’d have to be in a state of suspended animation the whole time, and you wouldn’t be able to handle it…… Do you think I didn’t know that? I have my reasons. I’m thinking about what I’m doing……”
He put something in my body without explaining it properly, and then he was angry and upset. It was so absurd that even the boiling anger cooled down.
“Why do you keep asking me to show you my body? Because of the scars? Why? It doesn’t hurt at all. If it hurt, would I be standing here quietly like this? Can’t you tell?”
“……”
“The holes and tears just look dramatic, they don’t hurt. Do you think I’m a weak human like you, who bleeds profusely and hovers between life and death even with the slightest injury? You know better than anyone.”
I didn’t know when he had been slightly injured, but I had bled profusely more than once or twice, so I had nothing to say.
“Sucking like a leech……”
Then Aska, who had been speaking non-stop even while sobbing sadly, shut his mouth tightly. He squeezed his eyes shut, and streams of water were added to his already wet cheeks.
Aska moved his lips several times, trying to continue speaking, but he couldn’t calm down and only let out trembling breaths. He looked so exhausted that it wouldn’t be strange if he fainted right away, so I finally opened my mouth, which had been closed.
“Not angry, but worried……”
“Worried? Hey!”
Aska let out a lion’s roar before I could even finish my sentence. I had no choice but to close my mouth again at the roar that shook my eardrums and heart.
“If you’re worried about me, you shouldn’t get angry! Why are you yelling! What kind of concern are you showing me when you threaten me and get angry at me like that!”
“……”
“It didn’t hurt this much when you took out my heart! You’re hurting me the most right now!”
“……”
My already absent mind began to blur at the barrage of accusations pouring out like a burst dam.