By Zephyria 
Should I really find my memories?
Does it matter if I’m a monster or a Magical creature?
Can’t I just live like this?
“I’m Andrew. I was a researcher affiliated with the guild until recently.”
“The guild? You mean the Information Guild? Isn’t it incredibly difficult to get in there? I wanted to go too, but the requirements were too strict, so I gave up. Wow, you’re really amazing.”
“It was a contract position, so the requirements were a bit more lenient…”
I stared blankly at Andrew and Zero, who were introducing themselves, and suddenly felt weary of life. It wasn’t that I disliked them, but I just didn’t like the situation itself.
“What’s with that expression?”
Aska, who had his hood pulled up, leaned his head towards me and asked. I was also wearing a robe and hood, so I was covered from head to toe, but I don’t know how he knew I had a bad expression.
I lowered my hand and stroked Aska’s waist and back, sighing.
A few days later, we gathered to find the Ruins that were supposed to be in the Rollai Mountains. At first, we were just going to confirm the location and find the necklace, and we didn’t intend to investigate the inside of the Ruins, but Zero thought it would be a waste to just go back.
In the end, the story concluded with only a few people staying behind to investigate the anomalies further. I agreed with that much, as it seemed to be somewhat related to the cracks that had appeared in the sky of Actan. Seeing Zero so motivated, I even felt proud of him for the first time.
But there was something I overlooked.
To stay in a foreign land for a long time, a lot of preparation was naturally needed. Since we weren’t just staying in a village, we had to prepare for attacks from wild animals or Magical creatures that might be lurking.
And what about meals if we were camping outside? Naturally, we needed a separate team to take care of those minor living arrangements.
Anyway, for various reasons, the initial starting number of 5 people increased to 15. They said they were planning to call in more researchers for the second round, but that was none of my business.
Abyss was the leader, and Aska and I disguised ourselves as assistants who would moderately help Zero with his research. Right now, we were all gathered at the port, checking the final headcount before boarding.
“Haa…”
I just wanted to lie in bed all day, spending time regardless of whether it was day or night. I was busy enough sticking to Aska, asking about his childhood stories, and listening to how he had been, but what a waste of time this was because of some Ruins or whatever.
Of course, it was a necessary task, so I couldn’t not go. It was just that I was in a bad mood.
“Living is so hard.”
As I muttered to myself, Aska reached into my hood and stroked the back of my neck.
“They say living is about enduring pain.”
“What? Who says that? Why endure it?”
As I frowned, Aska pressed his fingers between my eyebrows. I gently grabbed his wrist, pulled it down, and said.
“If it’s hard or painful, don’t foolishly endure it, and be sure to tell me.”
“Theodore.”
As soon as I finished speaking, I heard someone calling me from behind. I turned my head and saw Sakira approaching with a thick fur coat.
“It doesn’t seem that cold yet, but it’s still the mountains, so the temperature will drop when the sun goes down.”
Then she draped the heavy coat over my shoulders. It was excessive for the weather, but I was always cold and never felt hot, so I just left it on.
“Should I just go with you? I think you should have someone to attend to you.”
“It’s okay. We’ll just find what we need and come right back.”
“Won’t you be uncomfortable?”
Would there be anything particularly uncomfortable? As long as no one picked a fight, there wouldn’t be much discomfort. If I had to find something, it would be that there were too many people, so I couldn’t touch Aska anywhere I wanted, which was the biggest flaw.
But even that didn’t matter because once we got on the ship, we could just lock ourselves in the cabin.
“With the increased number of people, it will take a little longer to go and come back.”
Sakira’s worries were endless. But strangely, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her to stop. Was it because I had known her since I was a child? Anyway, it was different from how I treated Abyss and Zero.
“We’ll be departing now.”
Abyss glanced at me and said loudly. I took one last look around and met eyes with Andrew, who was passionately discussing something with Zero.
He suddenly smiled with a strange expression and winked one eye. Then he turned his back.
I knew he was aware that I was hiding my identity, so it seemed like he was pretending not to know me, but everything was just too much of a burden. I only brought him along because he knew Aska…
“Ah, and Aska. Thank you for the gift. I was going to tell you sooner, but it’s late.”
Sakira smiled at Aska. He had been staying in my room the whole time, so there hadn’t been a chance to say hello. Aska was silent for a moment, then just nodded.
“Be careful on your trip.”
“If anything happens, contact Abyss right away. You heard everything, right?”
“Don’t worry about us.”
“Okay, I’ll be back.”
Leaving Sakira, who was watching us with worried eyes until the end, we finally boarded the ship. It was a cargo ship, so the environment wasn’t very good, but it didn’t matter since we weren’t going to be on it for long.
Everyone on the ship moved to one side, but Aska and I secretly headed to the prepared cabin. As soon as I closed the door and took off the flowing robe, I could breathe again.
“Have you ever been on a ship before?”
“Maybe? I don’t remember.”
He answered casually and sat on the bed, asking.
“What about you? Is this your first time since you came to Actan?”
I sat Aska next to me, who was nodding, and took off his hood. I tidied his hair and touched him here and there while I was at it, then stroked his lips with my fingertips.
“The corner of your lip is all healed?”
“That wasn’t even an injury in the first place. It was just a little tear in the skin. There was no blood at all.”
“Didn’t it tear this morning?”
“It doesn’t tear anymore.”
Every time, the corners of his lips, lower lip, and upper lip would tear a little, but after doing it a few times, it didn’t happen anymore. I stared at Aska for a moment, then tilted my head.
“Did you get the hang of it?”
There was no need to do it to the point of getting hurt, so I always tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Was there a reason to do it with his mouth? I have hands too. Anyway, maybe it was because he learned by bumping into it with his body, but I could feel that he was much more skilled than before.
“You can’t just put it in randomly, you have to match it well and put it in slowly so it doesn’t tear and fits perfectly.”
“……”
Ah, not here…
I held back, feeling like something was about to react again to his nonchalant tone. Then I suddenly felt something strange.
Actually, I had been feeling strange all along, but once I started feeling good, my brain would melt and I couldn’t think. So I just vaguely brushed it off and came to this day.
When does Aska even cum? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it get bigger. He keeps deflecting with words that it’s not ready yet, and I haven’t seen him do it alone either.
“…Maybe he doesn’t have one?”
“Doesn’t have what?”
“……”
Suddenly, my mind flashed.
Does he really not have one? Is that why?
Aska is a Magical creature, so the structure of his reproductive organs might be different from humans. If that wasn’t the case, there was no way he wouldn’t have been aroused even once.
No, when he kisses me, drinks blood, or eats my semen, his eyes become hazy and flushed, so I think he does get aroused… Besides, he was definitely feeling it while he was sucking and licking mine.
How do Magical creatures mate? They look no different from humans, so I never even thought about that. Are their reproductive organs attached somewhere else? Or maybe they’re hidden inside without protruding outwards.
If not, can they only have sex in their original form? I thought of the mass that shimmered with beautiful colors in the water.
“What doesn’t he have?”
He asked again when I didn’t say anything with a serious expression. I calmly stared at Aska. Naturally, the image of me intertwined with the mass, whose texture I didn’t even know, came to mind.
I didn’t feel uncomfortable or disgusted at all. Did I have some kind of abnormal sexual desire? Why am I accepting this so naturally?
Just in case, I tried to imagine having sex with other beasts or Magical creatures, but it was so disgusting that I couldn’t even continue the thought for long. Is it just because it’s Aska?
As soon as I came to a rough conclusion, my heart fluttered and beat rapidly. At the same time, I became anxious. This is how scary love is. It transforms a normal person into someone with abnormal sexual desires and turns them into a foolish idiot who can’t even tell right from wrong…
What’s even scarier is the mindset that thinks it’s okay to become an idiot.
Just as the thought of only liking him enough to be able to tell right from wrong was about to reach my head, I met Aska’s eyes, who was looking at me with a puzzled expression.
Seeing that expression, my brain started to melt again.
“Should we buy a house when we get back?”
“A house? What’s with the house all of a sudden? What were you saying earlier? What doesn’t he have?”
I didn’t want to say something like “your dick” at such a touching moment, so I ignored him and only said what I wanted to say.
“You said you bought a table and chairs last time. Let’s buy a house and decorate it too. And buy a bed to sleep in together. Buy whatever you want.”
“…Whatever I want?”
I couldn’t help but smile at his tempted expression.
How fun would it be to live together in a house decorated with all sorts of junk, just like when Aska decorated the Greenhouse when he was young? Even if we piled up a bunch of dusty stones in the middle of the kitchen and made a mess, it would still be fun.
“Let’s buy a small house. So I can see what you’re doing as soon as I turn my head.”
“Okay, let’s buy a small one.”
“I want to go to a hot spring too.”
“A hot spring? Okay, we can go together. We can just make one too.”
While we were talking about this and that, the ship started moving. I felt a bit nauseous and annoyed, but listening to Aska’s voice made me feel better as if I was hypnotized.
We didn’t take a single step out of the cabin until the ship stopped. So I didn’t know what the weather was like outside until we arrived.
It was colder than I thought, so I didn’t take off the thick coat that Sakira had packed. It was still cold in the carriage, but it was bearable.
But as we got closer to the Rollai Mountains, the temperature seemed to drop, and from the foot of the mountains, white breath started to come out.
“……”
I stared blankly at the white snow piled up on the ridge and asked Aska.
“Isn’t that snow?”
“Why is the weather like this? It’s not the season for snow yet.”
The people who came with us, including Aska, were just as bewildered.
“The abnormal weather is probably related to the Ruins, right?”
“Probably? How is it possible to control the weather?”
“I know, right? This is almost the realm of God. It’s crazy, really.”
“It’s really ridiculous.”
Looking at their conversation, it seemed like they were very surprised or scared, but Andrew and Zero’s expressions were excited like children who were having fun. I looked at them with a dumbfounded face, shrugged my shoulders at the cold wind, and shivered.
It’s cold!