By Zephyria 
“One bottle of water, please.”
“I’ll have a cider.”
“Isn’t that too sweet to have with food?”
“Cider is the way to go with gimbap. You absolutely need carbonation.”
The two, who had been waiting for lunch break, grumbled as they each chose their drinks at the snack shop. Water for Jae-min, cider for Seung-pyo.
Since all the other kids had rushed off to eat school meals, the playground and the outdoors, including the snack shop, were deserted, and only a few students who had come to have a simple meal of snacks instead of school lunch were picking out bread and such at the shop.
Around noon, the sunlight grew stronger than it had been in the morning, making the walkway leading to the gym quite humid. Jae-min muttered anxiously several times.
“I think it’s going to be too hot.”
“I told you, it’s not that hot there. It’s cool once you get inside the gym, too.”
As expected, the gym was empty when they arrived. During PE class, it was a bustling space where kids ran around, and during school events, it would be packed with the entire student body, so he had never felt it was particularly spacious. However, with no one around, the gym felt vast, and with its high ceilings, it felt almost immense.
Despite being a place he frequented, it felt unfamiliar, as if he were visiting for the first time. As Jae-min looked around, Seung-pyo called out to him while heading up the stairs.
“What are you doing? Hurry up.”
The stairs located on one side of the gym led to a second-floor balcony with spectator seating. Jae-min had sat in the balcony seats before, but today was the first time since entering this school that he realized there was a space leading outside.
Passing behind the rows of tightly packed chairs, Oh Seung-pyo strode ahead. Following him, Jae-min looked for a door, but no exit leading outside was visible. Where Seung-pyo finally stopped was in front of several windows lined up behind the spectator seats.
“The second-floor windows of the gym are usually all locked, but this one is broken, so it opens.”
“What?”
In front of the surprised Jae-min, Seung-pyo fiddled with the lock like some kind of safecracker and turned the handle. The balcony window, which Jae-min had assumed would be locked, swung open effortlessly. Watching this, Jae-min asked with a sigh.
“Are you saying we should climb through the window?”
“Everyone knows if the entrance door is open. Kids don’t really know about the window.”
Seung-pyo hooked a foot on the windowsill and quickly slipped outside through the wide window. As Jae-min placed his foot on the ledge, Seung-pyo reached out his hand.
“I don’t need you to hold me.”
Jae-min snorted and hopped down. Seung-pyo withdrew his hand and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
“It’s called manners, manners.”
“Since when did you care about things like that?”
“What’s with you? Since you said you’d pack a lunch, I prepared something of my own, too.”
Boasting, Seung-pyo proudly presented the long sports bag slung over his shoulder. Jae-min had been wondering why he had brought such a large bag just to go eat lunch.
Zzzzip. Opening the zipper of the long bag, Oh Seung-pyo began rummaging through it. Jae-min stood beside him, watching intently.
What Oh Seung-pyo pulled out of the bag were two small folding chairs and a small folding table. Jae-min knew from seeing them a few times that such portable gear was trendy these days, but he never imagined he would see someone set up a full array of such items at school.
It was far too elaborate just to have a lunch break. While a bewildered Jae-min forgot to ask where he got the things and just watched, Seung-pyo explained first.
“My Hyung is into camping lately. He goes out with his friends with stuff like this every day.”
“You borrowed them with permission, right?”
“I left a note saying I was taking them.”
“You said your Hyung is scary. What if you get in trouble?”
“What’s so scary about Oh Seung-yeon? Even if we fight, I’d win. I just let him have it because he’s my Hyung.”
Seung-pyo chuckled and took the lead by plumping himself down in a chair. The chair, which looked as if it might break at any moment, was sturdier than it appeared; it didn’t collapse or tip over even with the large-framed Oh Seung-pyo sitting carelessly in it. Seung-pyo gestured.
“What are you doing? Sit. I’m hungry.”
Jae-min glanced around. The outdoor balcony of the gym was surprisingly clean, without any bothersome debris, as if it were regularly cleaned and maintained. The reasonably sized spare space was covered with a mat that mimicked artificial turf and was surrounded by a railing.
Because the gym building itself had high ceilings, although it was called the second floor, the view looking down felt like it was more than three stories high. Below the balcony, he could see the quiet neighborhood scenery outside the school gates rather than the school itself, making him feel as if he had come to a rooftop cafe rather than a school. Oh Seung-pyo had been right to guarantee a good view.
The towering gym building behind them created shade, so as Seung-pyo said, it wasn’t hot; rather, the breeze blowing in was just the right amount of cool. Jae-min murmured unconsciously.
“There was a place like this in the school?”
“Probably only a few people know. If word gets out, it’ll get noisy and they’ll fix the window, so I haven’t told anyone.”
Only then did Jae-min cautiously sit in the chair. Although it was only large enough to barely perch his backside, it surprisingly supported his back and was much more comfortable than expected. Seung-pyo urged him.
“Let’s eat quickly.”
“Uh, hold on.”
Jae-min also opened his small backpack and took out the hidden lunch box. As a work of art from the lady who spared no effort for Jae-min’s meals, it was a lunch box meticulously packed with not only the promised gimbap but also dessert fruit. When he opened the lid, Seung-pyo let out a series of exclamations as if he had been waiting.
“This is insane. The color is different from store-bought gimbap. I feel like I’ve been eating low-resolution gimbap and just encountered high-resolution gimbap.”
“Stop staring and just eat. Stop whining about being hungry.”
“You should eat first. You’re the one who packed it.”
Are you saying you need to test if it’s poisoned first before you’ll feel safe eating it? Jae-min grinned. Since he had actually thought about putting stomach-ache medicine inside the gimbap, he couldn’t criticize Oh Seung-pyo for being excessive in his suspicion.
Just as he split the wooden chopsticks and was about to pick up a piece of gimbap, Seung-pyo’s chopsticks reached the gimbap first. Didn’t you tell me to eat first? As Jae-min looked at Seung-pyo with a questioning gaze, he smiled mischievously and lifted the gimbap.
“Why do you think I said I wanted to pack a lunch and eat it with just the two of us?”
“…Because we’re dating.”
“You get it. If we just wanted to fill our stomachs, we would have just gone to the cafeteria.”
Seung-pyo suddenly thrust the gimbap toward Jae-min’s mouth. Not understanding what he wanted, Jae-min looked back and forth between the gimbap and Seung-pyo, and the one holding out the chopsticks giggled.
“What are you doing? Open your mouth.”
Only then did Jae-min realize the scene Seung-pyo wanted, and he frowned. The area around his eyes instantly flushed hot. Jae-min turned his head and pushed Seung-pyo’s hand away.
“Are you a child? Get it away.”
“If we’re not going to do things like this, why come all the way here to eat together?”
“I thought you wanted to come here because you wanted to eat quietly together.”
“This is how you eat when you’re dating.”
“You said you’ve never even had a girlfriend, so how do you know?”
“Hey, even if you’re not dating and just in a ‘some’ relationship, everyone does this much.”
At those words, Jae-min turned his face back from where he had been avoiding the gimbap. He looked straight at Seung-pyo and asked.
“So, are you saying you’ve eaten like this before?”
“Huh? No, that’s not what I meant.”
“You’re just so loose.”
Jae-min grumbled dissatisfiedly, then suddenly opened his mouth wide and snatched the gimbap Seung-pyo offered, as if biting into raw flesh. Since it was gimbap packed by the lady, it tasted great.
As Jae-min chewed the gimbap, Seung-pyo watched him with a horrified expression.
“Why are you eating gimbap so fiercely?”
“Do I have to eat in a way that looks good to you, too?”
“Why are you getting angry? I came all the way here because I wanted to spend lunch break funly with you.”
The trailing off of his voice into a gloomy tone poked at some part of Jae-min’s chest.
Come to think of it, Oh Seung-pyo had only been trying to kindly feed him… It was his own fault that he couldn’t change at all, despite the confession of liking him and agreeing to the decision to date. Unfortunately, Ryu Jae-min was too conscientious to sham a relationship as brazenly as Oh Seung-pyo.
But Jae-min had something to say too. One moment he’s pretending to be a naive guy who’s never had a girlfriend, and the next he’s saying that even people in ‘some’ relationships do this much.
It meant that the person who smiled and thrust chopsticks forward to feed him wasn’t just him. He was exactly like the guy who tried to scam him by saying it’s not sex as long as you don’t put it in.
Even if it wasn’t a real confession, in a relationship where they had agreed to date—at least on the surface—could he really bring up stories of dating other people in this situation unless he looked down on Jae-min?
“You made me angry.”
“I did what? Is feeding someone while dating something to get angry about?”
“Think about what you said. Saying that even people in ‘some’ relationships do this much means you’ve eaten like this with the people you’ve had ‘some’ with. Is that what ‘some’ is?”
“Hey, why does it turn into that? I didn’t say I did it; I said usually people in ‘some’ relationships feed each other gimbap.”
Seung-pyo’s bewildered expression as he explained, as if it were absurd, didn’t last long. Finding something amusing, he let out a snort, narrowed his eyes, and leaned in, pressing his shoulder against Jae-min’s.
“You’re jealous, aren’t you? That I might have eaten like this with other girls.”
“Think whatever the fuck you want.”
“It’s okay. I knew you’d be jealous. You were pouting when you heard I met up and hung out with Jung Su-hyun before. Even though you pretended not to be.”
“Who was pouting? I think I told you then. I was angry because you were threatening and sexually harassing people again.”
“See. You’ve never even met her, but as soon as I mention her name, the conversation we had back then pops right out. If it were a trivial matter, you would’ve forgotten.”
For someone like Oh Seung-pyo, he seemed to have become remarkably sharp lately. As Jae-min lost his words and hesitated, Seung-pyo looked relieved and leaned in closer.
“Enough of that, just give me some food. I haven’t even tasted it yet.”
Then, in front of Jae-min, he opened his mouth wide, saying, “Ahhh.” Jae-min clenched his teeth at the behavior, knowing exactly what he wanted.
Far from putting gimbap in his mouth, he wanted to slap his cheek with the chopsticks, but dragging the conversation further would only lend strength to the absurd theory that Ryu Jae-min was jealous of Oh Seung-pyo’s ‘some’ relationships.
The lunch box the lady had carefully packed, telling him to share it with a friend, was innocent. Even gimbap going into the annoying Oh Seung-pyo’s mouth was precious. Jae-min carefully lifted a piece of gimbap so it wouldn’t crumble and put it into the shamelessly open mouth. Seung-pyo, with one cheek puffed out, marveled.
“This is fucking delicious.”
“Of course it is.”
Jae-min shrugged his shoulders as if he had made the gimbap himself.
“Ryu Jae-min, ah.”
Seung-pyo lifted another piece of gimbap. Jae-min felt goosebumps but forced a smile. We are dating, we are dating. If he backed down here, he would lose to Oh Seung-pyo. Repeating this to himself, he opened his mouth. Seung-pyo grinned and put the gimbap into Jae-min’s mouth.
Because they were bickering, it took a long time just to put one piece of gimbap into each other’s mouths fairly. However, after a round of arguing, they became accustomed to exchanging gimbap.
Jae-min frequently accepted the gimbap Seung-pyo gave him and swallowed it, then picked up another piece and put it in Oh Seung-pyo’s mouth. It was closer to throwing it into his mouth than kindly feeding him, but since he maintained a kindly smiling face, Seung-pyo didn’t mind and happily munched away, rolling his eyes.
“I thought there was only beef gimbap, but this one has cheese.”
“I guess she packed several types.”
As they shared delicious food, the prickly mood gradually softened. The gimbap the lady packed was generous enough that even the gluttonous Seung-pyo shook his head in amazement. After emptying the full lunch box and sharing the cherry tomatoes, the two leaned back in their chairs. Seung-pyo stretched long.
“I think this is the first time I’ve eaten gimbap until I’m bursting.”
“It’s because Auntie packed a lot since she knows you eat a lot.”
“Please tell her it was absolutely delicious.”
“Yeah.”
Having finished the meal, Jae-min leaned back in his chair, almost lying down. The neighborhood scenery visible through the gaps in the railing and the open sky were simply peaceful.
Clouds scattered across the blue sky were flowing slowly, like pieces of paper floating in a stream. He felt as if he had been studying hard but had completely forgotten the basic common sense he’d known since childhood—that clouds move.
It felt like it had been a very long time since he had spent time staring blankly at the sky like this. When he was young, just comparing the shapes of randomly clumped clouds to other animals or objects would make minutes fly by.
“I’m clearing this.”
“What?”
While he was silently observing the clouds, Seung-pyo stood up and began folding the small portable table that had been between them.
Is it already time to go back to the classroom? He checked the time at the hurried appearance, but there was still plenty of lunch break left. While Jae-min tilted his head in confusion, Seung-pyo, who had quickly tidied the table, pulled his chair over and sat close to Jae-min.
“We don’t need the table anymore.”
The distance between them became close enough that their shoulders touched. He wanted to tell him to move away, but he was tired of having fruitless arguments over such things. Jae-min left the lukewarm body heat transmitted to one side of his shoulder and stared intently at the clouds instead of Seung-pyo.
Later, when he lives alone, he wants to live in a house with a large window where the sky is clearly visible. He wants to place a chair by the window where he can lounge comfortably like this, in a place where no one interferes even if he does nothing but be lazy.
“What are you thinking about?”
When he remained silent, lost in thought, Seung-pyo asked. Jae-min didn’t bother hiding it and told him.
“Thinking that I want to live alone when I go to college later.”
“Why? Your house is great now.”
“Still, I want to try living alone.”
“We both aim for Korea University. If we both get in, we could live together later.”
It was a story that was beyond unrealistic; it was like a delusion. To the point where he didn’t even have the energy to deny it. Would I even be able to get along with Oh Seung-pyo like this until then?
Jae-min only gave a bitter smile. Noticing that the smile that came instead of an answer didn’t have a positive meaning, Seung-pyo tacked on more words.
“Have you even thought about how you’ll cook, how you’ll do laundry, or how many times a week you’ll clean if you live alone? Since you have a helper lady, you probably don’t know how to do a single household chore… You’d benefit from living with me.”
“Hearing that makes me think I absolutely cannot live with you.”
“Why? I’ll do everything, so you can just live comfortably.”
“Would I be comfortable living with a guy who brings up household chores the moment I say I want to live alone? I told you before. I like people who are comfortable to be with.”
As if hit where it hurts, Seung-pyo shut his mouth. Jae-min leaned further back into the chair. He felt pleased to have succeeded in shutting Oh Seung-pyo up for the first time in a while. With a full stomach, his body and mind were becoming languid in the gentle early summer breeze.
He had to go back to the classroom, but he didn’t want to move. As he quietly followed the slowly flowing clouds, Jae-min’s eyes began to blink slowly.
“…Ryu Jae-min?”
When Seung-pyo turned his head to look at Jae-min, Jae-min had fallen asleep, leaning his head slightly on Seung-pyo’s shoulder.
The long eyelashes were neat under the tightly closed eyelids. Seung-pyo gazed quietly at the sleeping Jae-min’s face, smiled softly, and whispered as if talking to himself.
“You’re comfortable with me.”
There was no movement even when he whispered, so it didn’t seem like he was pretending to sleep. Seung-pyo hesitated, almost bringing his lips to Jae-min’s forehead, then slowly lifted his head and began counting clouds instead of the sleeping Jae-min.
* * *
Jae-min woke up because of a voice urgently waking him.
Waking up without even realizing he had fallen asleep, Jae-min looked around bewildered. Seung-pyo, who had been lounging in the chair with him, had already stood up and was busily folding the chairs.
“Ryu Jae-min, wake up quickly. It’s raining.”
“Huh?”
Only then did Jae-min snap out of it and look ahead. Rain was indeed falling from a sky filled with dark clouds. He was dumbfounded, as the sky had been bright blue just a moment ago.
“Did I sleep?”
“Yeah. For about 20 minutes. You must have been tired.”
“The weather became like this in just 20 minutes…?”
“It’s the rainy season these days.”
Jae-min also tried to hurry and tidy his chair, but there was no time. Seung-pyo, who had already put his own chair in the bag, quickly folded Jae-min’s chair as well and slid it into the long bag.
“You take the lunch box. Let’s get to the classroom quickly before it rains more.”
The sound of the rain was growing harsher. It seemed like a shower that would stop if they waited, but since class would start soon, they couldn’t just hold out here until the rain stopped. Jae-min murmured as he picked up his bag.
“We’re going to get soaked.”
“Ryu Jae-min, look at this.”
At the confident voice, Jae-min looked beside him, and his eyes widened. A red umbrella was now in Oh Seung-pyo’s hand. Jae-min asked in honest surprise.
“You even brought an umbrella? Did you know it was going to rain?”
“I’ve decided to always carry an umbrella from now on.”
“Why?”
“…Because it’s the rainy season.”
Then again, after getting absolutely drenched last time, it made sense that he’d suddenly develop some foresight. While Jae-min nodded in understanding, Seung-pyo flung the window open. Leaping over the windowsill, Seung-pyo gestured with his head.
“Hurry up.”
“Yeah.”
Jae-min followed him into the gym. The interior, which had been bright when they first entered, was now dim.
As they stepped outside the gym, the rain had thickened completely in that short interval. A hazy mist blurred the scenery of the outdoors being pelted by water.
Perhaps the children who had been playing outside had all taken cover; the damp playground was desolate, without a single soul in sight. Seung-pyo snapped open an umbrella. It was a long umbrella, as large as a parasol, fitting for the size of his long bag. Because of its size and bright red color, it stood out immensely; if one were to look down from the classroom, it would probably look like a single red dot floating in the gloomy weather. Jae-min asked,
“Why on earth is it red?”
“This was the only big umbrella at home. Just use it for now.”
There was no other choice. Sharing a red umbrella with Oh Seung-pyo was a hundred times better than walking into fifth period soaking wet, so Jae-min crawled under the umbrella without further complaint.
They stepped out from under the roof, standing close together without a gap. The sound of rain drumming against the umbrella echoed with a frightening intensity. Seung-pyo wrapped an arm around Jae-min’s shoulder and pulled him closer.
“Get closer, so you don’t get wet.”
“I’m fine as I am.”
The rain was so loud that they had to raise their voices even for a short conversation. The two fell silent, focusing only on crossing the rainy playground. After walking in silence for a while, Seung-pyo suddenly spoke.
“There’s really nobody around.”
“Who would come outside in rain like this?”
He had started with an irrelevant comment, but as if he had something else he truly wanted to say, Seung-pyo anxiously bit his lip. After a few more steps, he abruptly changed the subject.
“From now on, when it rains, don’t look for anyone else. Ask me first if I have an umbrella.”
“What?”
“Because I’ll make sure to have one.”
While Jae-min hesitated, unable to find the words to respond to this sudden vow, Seung-pyo tilted the umbrella further down. So that no one from the outside could glimpse what was happening underneath.
Then, he suddenly stopped. When the one holding the umbrella came to a halt, Jae-min, who had been walking with him, had no choice but to stop as well.
Before Jae-min could ask why he wasn’t moving, Seung-pyo tilted his face toward him. It took only a brief moment for warm lips to touch Jae-min’s forehead and pull away.
As the short instant passed, Jae-min looked at Seung-pyo, dazed. Only the rain was loud; there was still no other sound around them. Seung-pyo, whose face looked slightly flushed thanks to the red umbrella, gauged the reaction and smiled awkwardly.
“I’ve always wanted to try something like this.”
Jae-min, who had been quiet, scolded him a beat later.
“…What if someone saw? Are you crazy?”
“Sorry. But there’s nobody here.”
“Seriously, you’ve picked up way too many clichés from somewhere.”
His tone was sharp, but the strength was gone from Jae-min’s reprimanding voice. He chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment before tugging at Oh Seung-pyo’s clothes.
“Enough, just hurry up and go.”
The two hurried their pace again. Jae-min walked while looking down at his feet, like someone who was sulking.
The temperature must have dropped further because of the pouring rain, but for some reason, he felt much hotter than when he had been sitting in the gym watching the clouds. Perhaps because he was more surprised by the surprise kiss than he thought, his heart was thumping noisily. The once-piercing sound of the rain felt as if it were drifting further away.
By the time they reached the building entrance, the hems of his school trousers were slightly wet, but his shoulders were relatively fine. It was thanks to the massive, parasol-like umbrella that had managed to cover the shoulders of the two not-so-small boys.
Since they had hidden their faces with such a large umbrella, surely no one could have seen. Jae-min felt somewhat relieved as he watched Seung-pyo shake the water off the umbrella. However, he didn’t forget to leave a warning.
“Do that one more time. You’re dead.”
“Alright, sorry.”
Admitting his recklessness, Seung-pyo apologized obediently this time without pushing back. However, he seemed determined to get an answer to what he had said under the umbrella.
“But you have to remember what I said earlier.”
“I got it, so stop talking about it.”
Jae-min cut him off and urged Seung-pyo back to the classroom.
They had kissed frequently and had already done things similar to sex. Kissing on the cheek or forehead wasn’t a first, either, but perhaps because of the shock, the turmoil in Jae-min’s chest wouldn’t easily settle. Even after sitting in his seat, his throat felt parched, and he drained the rest of his bottled water.
Eventually, he went down to the snack bar to buy another bottle of water, and as he walked down the hallway, Jae-min turned his head toward the window. The scene from a moment ago—a single red umbrella standing still in the blurred, misty outdoors—seemed to flicker before his eyes.
The warmth of the lips that had lingered on his forehead for a brief moment, like a falling raindrop, didn’t cool down today; instead, it grew hotter. Jae-min rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. Thump, thump, thump. His accelerated heartbeat remained the same. Jae-min looked out at the empty playground with eyes full of anxiety, like someone staring down a ghost that only he could see.
The red umbrella Oh Seung-pyo had been holding spun around in the grey-tinted playground, gradually changing its shape. Jae-min felt the moment the slowly rotating umbrella transformed into a red flower and bloomed inside him.
It was a large, beautiful flower he had never seen in his life, whose name he didn’t know, and which likely didn’t exist in reality.
‘I like people who are comfortable to be around.’
Whenever Seung-pyo asked what kind of person he liked, Jae-min had always given the same uniform answer: that he liked comfortable people. Although he answered that way, Jae-min didn’t actually know specifically what kind of “comfortable person” he wanted.
What exactly was the sensation of being comfortable with someone? For starters, it should be someone with whom he didn’t have to rack his brain thinking about how to answer a question. And he hoped for someone with similar tastes and good communication, so that being together wouldn’t be uncomfortable or boring.
Someone like a single body—laughing together when happy, getting angry together when displeased, and crying together when sad; someone who could apologize and reconcile quickly even after saying something hurtful; no, someone whose intentions and hearts aligned so well that there was no need to say hurtful things or fight in the first place…
That was the vague image of a “comfortable person” Jae-min had imagined. Though he hadn’t met such a person yet, he had harbored a vague expectation that the partner he would fall in love with as an adult would definitely be someone like that.
And there was not a shred of overlap between the conditions of a comfortable person as Jae-min imagined and Oh Seung-pyo.
“Exam period is so weird. It feels like time is going incredibly fast, but also incredibly slow. I just want it to be over.”
When Jae-min returned to the classroom feeling as if he were possessed, a group of close friends were gathered around Seung-pyo’s seat, chatting as usual. Perhaps anxious because the final exams were imminent, one student grumbled, pouring out his feelings.
“In times like that, don’t think about the exam; just endure it by thinking about what you’ll do once the exam is over.”
That was Oh Seung-pyo’s answer. As usual, Jae-min stood near the back door and watched them—more specifically, he watched Oh Seung-pyo.
“Nothing special happens even after exams are over.”
“Why not? Vacation is just a bit after finals.”
“Ah, right. Vacation.”
“You said you can’t even go to the PC cafe until the exams are over. Just endure it by thinking about gaming afterward.”
“I guess so. Oh Seung, what are you going to do after this exam?”
Seung-pyo, who had been looking only at his book while dealing with his friends, finally lifted his head slowly. He cast his gaze toward Jae-min’s seat, and upon seeing that the person he was looking for was missing, he looked around with an indifferent face. It didn’t take long for his eyes to meet Jae-min’s, who was standing by the back door.
A faint smile, one that only Jae-min could recognize, spread across Seung-pyo’s face.
“I haven’t decided yet. But once the exams are over, I’m going to do something fun.”
Jae-min turned his head away as if those words had nothing to do with him and belatedly moved his feet. What is it? If there’s something fun, let us do it too. The complaints of the children surrounding Seung-pyo echoed behind him. Seung-pyo’s voice followed, roughly ignoring those complaints and changing the subject.
After sitting down, Jae-min couldn’t do anything for a long time and just stared blankly at his desk. Oh Seung-pyo was probably not even looking at him anymore since he was talking to other kids, yet it felt as if his gaze were piercing the back of his head and his back. Even though he knew it was an illusion, various parts of his body felt flushed, as if stained with heat.
He pressed his lips tightly together. He had never experienced liking someone more than a friend, but Jae-min wasn’t an idiot. He couldn’t not know the reason why his face grew hot just by being conscious of Oh Seung-pyo’s gaze, and why all his nerves were being pulled toward the direction where the other boy was, like a magnet.
But he didn’t want to accept it. Because the “feeling of liking someone” that Jae-min had imagined wasn’t like this.
If the feeling of liking someone were a flower, rather than a red flower that bloomed large and stole people’s attention wherever it was, he wanted to fall in love with someone like a wildflower—someone he could lie down comfortably with in a field of grass and feel the wind together.
Not someone uncomfortable and conspicuous like Oh Seung-pyo, a guy he clashed with on every single matter because they weren’t aligned.
[Let’s go out and eat together during lunch again]
[If you don’t mind it not being a homemade lunch, I’ll buy something on my way]
[We can’t keep asking the lady to do it]
Carefree messages continued to fly in from Oh Seung-pyo, who had no way of knowing about Jae-min’s confusion.
[You don’t have an umbrella, right?]
[Share my umbrella when you go to the academy later too]
[Absolutely not with any other guy]
The sentence ‘Absolutely not with any other guy’ arrived along with an emoticon crossing its arms in an X shape. He wasn’t in the mood to respond to such carefree words, but he had to settle the situation quickly.
Even though fifth period hadn’t started yet, Jae-min had an exhausted expression, like someone who had already spent an entire day. He silently pressed the keypad of his phone.
[I’ve thought about it]
[Until the exams are over, let’s act like we did before we started dating]
[It bothers me that I can’t prepare for the exams as planned]
[We agreed to keep the bet going too]
Since the condition of having sex if he won had disappeared, the meaning seemed to have faded for Oh Seung-pyo, but regardless, the bet was still ongoing.
Jae-min reflected on his miscalculation. If he had left the final condition of the bet, Oh Seung-pyo would have prepared for the exams desperately to beat him, and if he had been busy studying, he wouldn’t have bothered him with things like eating out together or sharing an umbrella—mimicking a romantic relationship.
If that had been the case, the opportunity to feel this strange emotion today would never have found Ryu Jae-min in the first place.
Once the bait of sex was gone, it seemed Oh Seung-pyo had changed his strategy to focus on dragging Jae-min down rather than achieving victory himself. The intentions of the guy who kept distractingly suggesting this and that were transparent.
They say knowing the enemy is the key to victory, yet he had fallen into the trap even while knowing the enemy’s scheme. Since he had become a fool caught in his own trick, he couldn’t even criticize others. He didn’t want to assign meaning to Oh Seung-pyo’s trivial jokes, but Jae-min sincerely felt that everything surrounding him right now felt like an error.
Rather, if he had just been flustered and confused by Oh Seung-pyo’s fake confession, like the various fake confession stories posted on the internet, and lost his concentration, he wouldn’t have felt this pathetic. To pretend to accept a fake confession to launch a counterattack, only to end up harboring feelings alone—it was a story too embarrassing to even vent about on the internet.
‘I don’t want to like you.’
Jae-min grit his teeth and tightened his grip on the phone. He couldn’t be certain since he had never liked anyone before, but he wanted to believe that if he tried, he could gradually calm these feelings. They weren’t even in a real relationship; they were merely at a stage where they seemed a bit different to others.
Just as he finished his resolve, a reply came back from Seung-pyo.
[True, it is exam period, I guess I was acting out a bit]
[But I still held back]
He didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if he hadn’t held back. Jae-min looked down at the phone screen expressionlessly. Messages popped up one after another.
[Alright, then the food can wait]
[But still, use my umbrella to go home]
Jae-min reflexively moved his fingers to write a reply.
[I have an umbrella too]
As soon as he hit the send button, the reply arrived without a moment’s breath.
[Really??]
[There was no forecast for rain today]
[Did you start carrying one because of the rainy season too?]
[Yeah]
[I’m going to study now, stop sending DMs]
[Then I should bring a smaller umbrella tomorrow lol]
Seung-pyo’s messages ended there. Jae-min flipped his phone over and belatedly opened his book.
“Everyone, can’t you see the teacher has entered? Quiet!”
As if to cut through the murky, swirling distractions, fifth period began. Jae-min let out a long breath, like someone who had been holding it, and stared at the teacher’s podium with a more focused expression than usual.
He didn’t want to lose any more of his time, energy, or mental strength to Oh Seung-pyo. In a situation that had become completely tangled, with no one to ask for help, he had no choice but to pull himself together with his own strength.
* * *
The rain, which he thought would be a passing shower, did not stop. Because it rained until school let out, complaints from students broke out here and there again today.
Still, perhaps because it had only been a few days since they had been caught in a sudden rain, quite a few students were noticeably prepared with umbrellas today. Those without umbrellas were busy clinging to friends who were better prepared, pleading for them to cover their heads or let them share. Oh Seung-pyo, who had brought an umbrella the size of a parasol, naturally became a target for several students.
“Oh Seung, let me share too. I think we could even put this over an outdoor table at the convenience store.”
“Hey, four is too many.”
“Rock-paper-scissors, and one person leaves.”
While Seung-pyo himself didn’t say much, the students were in an uproar, playing a game of territory over the large umbrella. Oh Seung-pyo began to stride forward, using the red umbrella as a staff, thumping it against the ground.
“The last one to catch up is out.”
“Hey, wait!”
As the long-legged Oh Seung-pyo walked quickly, the bickering children rushed after him in a crowd. Jae-min stared blankly at the back of Oh Seung-pyo, who had instantly led several people behind him like a tail, like the Pied Piper from a fairy tale, and then slowly prepared to go home.
As he was slowly packing his bag, a classmate who had shared an umbrella with him before asked,
“Ryu Jae-min, do you have an umbrella today? If not, want to share with me?”
“Ah, thanks. But I brought one today too.”
“Really? Then I’ll go with someone else.”
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
While he dragged out the simple task of putting a few necessary books in his bag, the students left one by one, and the classroom gradually became chilly. Eventually, the last student remaining besides Jae-min asked as they walked out the door,
“Ryu Jae-min, aren’t you going?”
“I’m going.”
Unable to linger any longer, Jae-min put on his bag and stepped out. The student who came out with him gauged Jae-min’s mood and asked, showing the umbrella in their hand,
“Did you come out late because you don’t have an umbrella? I have one.”
“I have one too. I’m just waiting because someone is picking me up by car.”
“Ah, I see. Then I’ll go first.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Half was true, and half was a lie. It was true that someone was picking him up by car, but there was no need to wait. The car had already arrived at the school gate.
[Arrived at the school gate]
Even after replying [I’ll be there soon] to the message from the driver that had arrived ten minutes ago, Jae-min acted as sluggishly as possible. With a sliver of hope that the rain might stop in the meantime.
As he reached the building entrance, the sound of the rain grew louder. Facing the vigorously pouring rain, Jae-min let out a hollow sigh. To think it would rain continuously until the end of class.
Now that he had to honestly say he didn’t have an umbrella and share one with someone else, Oh Seung-pyo’s insistent warning that he should ‘absolutely not’ do that with ‘any other guy’ weighed on his mind, causing him to miss all opportunities to avoid the rain.
Since he had left school first, the chance of getting caught was low, but… if he ever found out that Jae-min had lied about having an umbrella and gone home with another student, it would just give him another excuse to nag and annoy him.
Jae-min let out a short sigh and lifted his bag over his head. He had no choice but to run to where the car was. When he arrived at the academy, Oh Seung-pyo might say something annoying again upon seeing his drenched state, but it was already the time when he couldn’t avoid being late if he delayed any further.
Just as he was about to take a step, Jae-min flinched and stopped before leaping into the rain. He narrowed his eyes and stared far ahead.
If he wasn’t seeing things, a large red umbrella was crossing the rain-soaked playground. As if captivated by the color, Jae-min stood still, frozen behind the curtain of rain.
As the owner of the umbrella drew closer to the main building, he looked up. He seemed to have spotted Jae-min as well and waved his hand.
“Ryu Jae-min! Why are you only coming out now?”
He called out to Jae-min in a loud voice. Jae-min didn’t answer; he simply stared blankly at the approaching Oh Seung-pyo. After trotting up the few steps leading from the playground to the building, Seung-pyo continued speaking with a perfectly carefree smile.
“I was talking to the Hyung who came to pick you up.”
“…Why were you with Hyung? What about the other kids who left together earlier?”
“I just saw them off to the school gate. They bought umbrellas and went to catch the bus on their own. Since the car to pick you up was already here, I thought it would be fine to say hello to the Hyung driving, so I started a conversation. But Hyung was worried that you were taking too long to come out, so I told him I’d go check if something happened.”
“…….”
“Why did it take so long? Did something happen?”
Seung-pyo scanned Jae-min, then frowned as if sensing something was off.
“Hey, where’s your umbrella?”
Sigh. Jae-min let out a short, resigned sigh and answered.
“I don’t have one.”
“You said you did.”
“I lost it.”
A haphazard excuse that anyone could tell was a lie.
Jae-min lowered his gaze to his feet, silently watching the small, round ripples constantly created by the falling rain. Sure enough, after a moment of silence, Seung-pyo hit the nail on the head.
“Did you lie because you didn’t want to share an umbrella with me?”
Still keeping his eyes cast down, Jae-min answered without further concealment.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Just because. The things you do make me uncomfortable.”
Patter, patter. The sound of the rain falling between the two of them felt exceptionally loud. Unable to bear the awkward atmosphere, Jae-min quietly swallowed. His legs and shoulders felt heavy, as if gravity had suddenly increased.
It was the weight of defeat. He had wanted to hold out until the end of final exams to maintain the balance of this ridiculous play, but he had raised the white flag after only two days.
Sigh. This time, Seung-pyo sighed first. He tilted the umbrella further back and spoke bluntly.
“Is it because I kissed you during lunch?”
“…….”
“I told you I was sorry. I really won’t do that outside from now on.”
Jae-min silently turned his gaze away. It wasn’t at all because he was uncomfortable due to what happened during the day, but since Oh Seung-pyo provided a reason himself, there seemed to be no need for a longer explanation. Taking the opportunity, Jae-min added:
“And I told you I want things to go back to how they were until the exams are over.”
“Got it. I’ll stop acting out.”
Seung-pyo mumbled, sounding a bit cowed. Jae-min finally lifted his head completely. As their eyes met, the large red umbrella suddenly rose over his head.
“Anyway, we have to go to the academy now.”
Jae-min forgot to answer and stared blankly at Seung-pyo. No matter how much he was acting like he liked him, it was a bit unexpected that he had gone through the heavy rain specifically to pick him up again.
Because of this, it almost felt like… he actually cared about him. As they locked eyes, Seung-pyo gave a sly smile and added:
“But can I ride in your car too? I’ll be late if I take the bus now.”
…No, it wasn’t unexpected at all. Oh Seung-pyo had been looking for any opportunity to hitch a ride in the car that picked him up for a long time.
Jae-min nodded indifferently.
“Sure. Ride with me.”
“Yes! A Benz!”
Jae-min had no choice but to stand close beside the guy who was grinning like a child. As they walked side by side with Jae-min looking grumpy, he eventually let out a small chuckle.
To think that he, who could lie calmly even in front of his parents, had been so anxious because he felt bad about deceiving Oh Seung-pyo. He must have been truly exhausted by Oh Seung-pyo’s schemes.
Most of the students had already gone home, and there were hardly any people walking on the playground. As they trudged along with wet footsteps, Seung-pyo suddenly asked as if a thought had struck him.
“You should have borrowed another kid’s umbrella to come out; why were you just standing there?”
When Jae-min was speechless and couldn’t answer immediately, Seung-pyo’s eyes grew wider.
“Don’t tell me it’s because I told you not to share an umbrella with any other guy during the day?”
“Huh?”
“Wow, seriously, you….”
Even though Jae-min hadn’t answered, Seung-pyo seemed moved by his own conclusion and covered his mouth, unable to speak. Even if Jae-min just stayed still, the other guy would come up with a plausible reason on his own. There was a certain convenience to Oh Seung-pyo’s tactlessness.
In a tone that was disgustingly sweet, as if coaxing a small child, Seung-pyo asked:
“Were you really going to get soaked in the rain without an umbrella?”
“It was only until the gate….”
When Jae-min glossed over it without bothering to correct the misunderstanding, Seung-pyo nodded his head as if he had fully understood the situation.
“I’ll listen to you better from now on, too.”
“…Sure.”
Good. Let’s just let him keep misunderstanding…
Jae-min muttered to himself as he walked forward. It didn’t take long to get from the main building to the school gate. As he opened the car door, the Hyung who had been waiting while looking at his phone turned his head.
“Oh, Jae-min. Why are you so late? Since neither of you came, I was just about to call.”
“He said he didn’t have an umbrella. I’m glad I went to check.”
Seung-pyo, standing beside him, answered promptly. The pickup driver looked back and forth between the two and asked.
“A friend is coming along today?”
“Yes, we go to the same academy.”
“Alright, get in quickly.”
The two crowded into the backseat, almost pushing each other. Seung-pyo leaned back against the seat and whispered to Jae-min.
“The seats are really nice.”
Jae-min couldn’t bring himself to agree with the admiration. Since it was the car he always rode in, he felt no excitement, and perhaps because he used his parents’ car mechanically, he still had no particular interest in cars.
However, Seung-pyo scanned the interior of the car, looking here and there, and then leaned his face toward the passenger seat headrest to ask the driving Hyung various things.
“Hyung, does this car have a HUD?”
“Yeah, I’m using it right now. Though you can’t see it from there. You’re really interested in cars, huh?”
“My dad said he’d buy me a car once I get into college.”
“Don’t trust that too much. There are plenty of parents who say that but never buy one.”
“Even if he doesn’t, I’ll make him. I’m getting my license as soon as I graduate.”
The pickup driver chuckled, seeming to have become closer to Seung-pyo, who had spoken to him for the first time today, than to Jae-min, whom he saw every day. Jae-min watched the two chatting with curiosity before turning his gaze toward the window. Water droplets clung to the glass, making the outside scenery, which would normally be clear, look blurred and distorted.
Oh Seung-pyo is truly a funny guy. There isn’t a single thing about him that fits with Jae-min. The fact that he had pretended to see right through Jae-min earlier and made various assumptions—none of which were correct—proved that.
Loud, conspicuous, unnecessarily popular so he’s always in the center of a crowd, mismatched in heart, opinion, and interests, and from the beginning until recently, he only picked words that would offend.
‘Exam period is so fucking weird. It feels like time is going super fast, but also super slow. I just want it to be over.’
He recalled the complaint of some student he had passed by during the day. Oh Seung-pyo was a human version of that exam period. It was surprising that such a thing was possible, but he was incredibly uncomfortable and incredibly comfortable at the same time. That was probably why sleep kept coming whenever Jae-min sat next to him.
As he leaned his head against the window and dozed off quietly, Oh Seung-pyo’s hand touched his hand, which was resting on the car seat. At first, only the fingertips touched cautiously, as if checking if it was an accidental bump, but when Jae-min didn’t react, he slowly covered the back of Jae-min’s hand with his entire palm.
The resolution not to act out didn’t even last a few minutes. However, Jae-min was too lethargic to tell him to move his hand, so he left him be, pretending to sleep.
He really hoped the exams would end quickly. He wanted to burst the fake confession they gave each other, the fake relationship to maintain that fake confession, and put an end to this confusing time where everything had become a tangled mess. Then, the flower that had bloomed inside him today might quietly wither like a mayfly. As if it had never bloomed in the first place.
Jae-min’s brow furrowed faintly, a hint of sadness crossing his face. He had something he wanted to say as a reward for victory if he beat Oh Seung-pyo in this bet after finals, but now it seemed he would never have the chance to say it.
Uncomfortable yet comfortable, matching in nothing—personality, heart, or taste—but still, someone he enjoyed being with more often than not. Although it wasn’t intended, the only classmate who knew the secret Jae-min had no intention of telling anyone.
‘I don’t want to like you.’
He had felt that saying they weren’t friends and that they were nothing to each other had made Oh Seung-pyo very upset, so he had wanted to correct that statement once the exams were over.
I thought so before, but not anymore. So, let’s be friends from now on.
…But now, he could never be friends with Oh Seung-pyo.
“Ryu Jae-min, wake up. We’re at the academy.”
“Uh….”
At Seung-pyo’s voice, Jae-min rubbed his eyes sleepily, pretending to have just woken up from a deep sleep. Having stepped out of the car first, Seung-pyo once again spread the red umbrella wide. Jae-min approached him with a sullen face, as if he hadn’t fully woken up.
The final exams of the first semester were just around the corner.