By Zephyria In the riverside apartment complex with Han River views, Seohae’s residence and his Pilates studio were located on different floors. The staff, who were familiar with Yoon Joo-ho’s comings and goings, called an elevator for him.
It was a day with Pilates lessons scheduled until evening. He could either go out to a bar around midnight or rest at home for the night. Stepping out of the elevator, Yoon Joo-ho pressed the bell without hesitation. Then, he continued to knock on the door. With a steady rhythm and consistent force.
As expected, Seohae, who was home, opened the door.
“Pressing the bell should be enough, why are you knocking so hard?”
Though he chided him curtly, he showed no surprise at Yoon Joo-ho’s sudden visit. He must have expected it.
Yoon Joo-ho, staring directly at Seohae, who seemed no different than usual, pushed his shoulder and entered.
As far as Yoon Joo-ho knew, this house had four bedrooms. He knew the layout well. Without asking for permission, he opened the door closest to the entrance. It was a home gym equipped with various machines and tools. He opened the door diagonally opposite. It was a study.
“What are you doing in someone else’s house?”
Ignoring Seohae’s voice, Yoon Joo-ho crossed the hallway in large strides. A spacious living room with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Han River to the south appeared. The scent of food lingered faintly in the air, as if he had been cooking or eating. Yoon Joo-ho headed for the door on the left side of the living room. It was the only remaining bedroom besides the master bedroom. Just as he reached for the doorknob, Seohae grabbed his arm from behind.
“What are you doing barging into someone else’s house!”
Turning halfway around, Yoon Joo-ho roughly shook off Seohae’s hand and firmly grasped his shoulder. He lowered his head, bringing it close to Seohae’s face. Then, with a fishy smile, he sneered.
“And you?”
“What about me?”
“What are you doing with someone else’s property?”
Seohae’s face contorted.
“Someone else’s property? Are you talking about Hyun-soo-ssi?”
“…”
“You said yourself it was over.”
The day Song Hyun-soo left after their argument, Yoon Joo-ho couldn’t sit still. He tried to order food and eat as if nothing had happened, but he couldn’t swallow a single bite. He couldn’t concentrate on his script either. The strawberries in the refrigerator, the rabbit slippers Monroe chewed on, the toothbrush in the bathroom. He couldn’t stand that house. It felt like a giant torture device.
The watch Song Hyun-soo had gotten back from Cha Gyu-min.
From then on, he wore that watch every day like a talisman. He took it off, put it in its case, and sealed it away in a drawer.
He had dressed more elaborately than usual and fled his home, seeking out Seohae’s bar.
“What about Hyun-soo-ssi? Why didn’t you bring him?”
To Seohae’s question about Song Hyun-soo’s whereabouts, Yoon Joo-ho himself had replied, “It’s over.”
“Even so, that doesn’t mean you can take him.”
Pushing Seohae’s shoulder away, Yoon Joo-ho opened the door.
“…”
Song Hyun-soo’s luggage, which Director Bang had hastily packed, was there. Drawn, Yoon Joo-ho walked into the room. On the small desk lay Nietzsche’s book and a notebook. The same book, the same notebook that Song Hyun-soo had gifted him. Unconsciously, he gently ran his fingertips over them.
“He said he’d be staying with a younger acquaintance in their studio apartment for a while, so I told him to come here.”
He spoke without looking back at Seohae, who was standing by the door. Looking down at the book and notebook bearing Song Hyun-soo’s touch, he said,
“Why do you care about that?”
“What’s wrong with it? We’re not strangers. Can’t I be kind to someone in trouble?”
“Kindness? Or are you just playing around because it’s fun?”
When he turned around, Seohae was standing there with his arms crossed. He gazed at Yoon Joo-ho with a cold stare and quietly moved his lips.
“I was in the middle of making dinner.”
Then, he left the doorway and disappeared.
Yoon Joo-ho looked around the room. A single bed, a small desk, a built-in wardrobe. It was more modest than the guest room Song Hyun-soo had used in his own home, but it didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable. It was certainly more comfortable than two men sharing a studio apartment. More comfortable than being next to me, who lied?
He fiddled with the strap of the backpack hanging on the chair in front of the desk, then left the room and headed to the kitchen. Seohae was standing in front of the induction stove.
He approached Seohae’s side and sneered, looking at his profile.
“You must be having a great time. Seeing me screw up again.”
“Yoon Joo-ho, I understand you’re panicking because Hyun-soo-ssi left home, but please watch your words.”
Yoon Joo-ho scoffed.
“Who’s panicking?”
“If you weren’t panicking, would you have driven three hours to get here?”
Seohae placed meat in a pan drizzled with olive oil. Sizzle. The sound of the well-marbled ribeye searing in the oil made Yoon Joo-ho feel not hungry, but creeped out.
“I don’t care where Song Hyun-soo is staying. I’m pissed off because of you, not because of Song Hyun-soo.”
“What did I do?”
“He was seeing me! Why did you bring him here?!”
Seohae, who had set a timer, turned to look directly at Yoon Joo-ho.
“Why? Did you think that after living together in a cramped studio, he’d miss his penthouse and come back to you?”
“Stop the nonsense.”
“Don’t worry. Hyun-soo-ssi and I, nothing has happened… yet.”
The word “yet,” clearly added for emphasis, made the skin under Yoon Joo-ho’s eyes twitch.
“It was fun playing around because you overreact even if I just touch Hyun-soo-ssi a little, so I did it because it was fun.”
As the timer signaled 30 seconds, Seohae flipped the meat with tongs and continued.
“But the more I learn about him, the more charming Hyun-soo-ssi is.”
“…”
“He acts all worn out and shrewd, but to someone like me, he’s just a pure soul who happened to meet the wrong person in the past.”
Yoon Joo-ho, who had moved so close he could feel Seohae’s breath, slammed his fist on the kitchen counter storage.
“If you know that, don’t mess with him. I clearly told you he’s not someone you can touch.”
“Now, by what right do you say that? The right of an ex-boyfriend?”
Seohae pushed Yoon Joo-ho’s chest away and began crushing garlic he had prepared on the cutting board, scoffing.
“No. What right does an ex-boyfriend even have?”
“Stop provoking me?”
“Who knows? Maybe if I comfort him when he’s hurt and heartbroken by an arrogant prince, I’ll have a chance.”
“Fuck, just shut up!”
“Ah.”
Seohae, who had left Yoon Joo-ho boiling and was flipping the meat again, lifted his chin as if he had just remembered something. Then, he turned back to Yoon Joo-ho with a knowing smile.
“Hyun-soo-ssi’s body is better than I thought. When he comes out of the shower, my eyes just naturally go to him…!”
Finally, Yoon Joo-ho lunged at Seohae. Even though he knew the words were meant to provoke him, he couldn’t listen any longer. Seohae, his collar grabbed and pushed against the cabinet opposite, clicked his tongue at Yoon Joo-ho with a look of disdain.
“Is this possessiveness how it ends? You don’t care?”
Pushing Yoon Joo-ho away, he picked up the tongs that had fallen to the floor and tossed them into the sink. It was time to flip the meat, and the timer blared loudly. Seohae took out a new pair of tongs and flipped the meat.
“Ji-in’s situation, Hyun-soo found out, right?”
Instead of answering, Yoon Joo-ho went to the refrigerator and took out a can of beer.
“Hyun-soo did speak strongly about Nam Se-yeon, but honestly, I thought he would overcome it even if he found out about that.”
Yoon Joo-ho popped the tab and took several large gulps. Seohae looked back and asked,
“Even after you apologized for hiding it, he said it was impossible?”
“Why did I hide it? If I didn’t care whether he left or not, I wouldn’t have hidden it.”
“Does that make lying okay? Did you even consider the shock Hyun-soo must have felt? I felt guilty just hearing about it.”
“It was only a matter of time before this happened if he found out.”
“Were you afraid he wouldn’t accept it, so you pushed him away first? Telling yourself he wasn’t important, that you didn’t really want him? Truly… so like you, Yoon Joo-ho.”
“…”
Yoon Joo-ho, who had been as rough as boiling oil moments before, lowered his gaze and crumpled the beer can.
“Instead of coming here to yell at me, why don’t you talk to Hyun-soo? Tell him you’d rather die than stay at another man’s house.”
Yoon Joo-ho gave a bitter laugh.
“When did I ever say anything like that?”
Seohae shook his head, looking at Yoon Joo-ho’s face.
“Are you scared?”
“That Song Hyun-soo might fall for you? Unfortunately, that will never happen.”
“Are you scared you won’t be able to hold onto Song Hyun-soo, just like you couldn’t hold onto Jung Ji-in?”
Yoon Joo-ho’s movement, as he drank the remaining beer, slowed.
“Do you know why you were finally able to let go of Ji-in, even though it took time?”
Instead of answering, Yoon Joo-ho glared at Seohae with sharp eyes.
“Because, though I realized it too late, you did everything you could. So you wouldn’t have any regrets.”
“So? You’re telling me to do everything I can for Song Hyun-soo too?”
“Yes.”
“So that I won’t have regrets and can forget him later?”
Yoon Joo-ho silently looked down at the can in his hand. Then, he slowly shook his head.
“I can’t.”
Setting the beer can down on the table, Yoon Joo-ho walked away with a slow, dragging gait, unlike when he had arrived at the house. Leaving behind a soliloquy that was tantamount to saying he didn’t want to forget.
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