By Zephyria 
“Oh my, are you still doing this?”
“Wow. You weren’t proposing, you were apologizing…?”
Until the people who spoke to me on their way out came back home, shocked and worried about me.
Like that, on and on.
I didn’t even want to check what time it was. It looked like the sun would be setting soon…
Seo Baek-han felt sorry for the roses he was holding, which were gradually withering, and tried to unfold the petals that were curling inward.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t revive what was already dying. He was recognized in academia, still young, unafraid to put forward new policy proposals, and now a close aide to the newly enthroned Crown Prince, but even Seo Baek-han couldn’t do everything. The helplessness of not being able to do anything, and the fact that I brought this situation on myself, made Seo Baek-han feel bitter.
“…Hah.”
Seo Baek-han buried his nose in the bouquet and took a deep breath.
It was a breed he had never seen before, but he chose it because he thought the scent would suit Joo Tae-hyun well. He had more than enough money and wouldn’t be impressed by ordinary things, so he wanted to give him something pretty.
Giving a bouquet of flowers to someone you like to impress them. He knew very well how corny a gift it was, but he had never even done that for Joo Tae-hyun before.
+82-10-XXXX-XXXX
Director, we’ve stopped all the reporters loitering around, but there must be some we missed.
Secretary Nam sent a message with a cautious implication of how long he was going to stay there. And because of that, I vaguely realized that it was almost 6 p.m.
Seo Baek-han stared blankly at the sky, which was beginning to be tinged with all sorts of colors. Certainly, the days seemed to have gotten quite a bit longer than when he first arrived. Even though the biting wind was still tearing at his body, the seasons were slowly passing.
Seo Baek-han slowly moved his stiff legs, which were rooted like tree roots. He tapped his frozen toes with the toe of his shoe, and took Joo Tae-hyun’s house into his eyes.
It would be Joo Tae-hyun who would be in trouble if a picture was taken, so I should stop here.
It wasn’t like I was going to beg to live together again, to be a good husband this time… I just wanted to get permission to apologize, even if he had no intention of forgiving me. I don’t even expect Joo Tae-hyun’s heart to soften. I know now that I shouldn’t dream of such a thing. I just wanted to say I was sorry one more time. I wanted Joo Tae-hyun to feel even a little bit of relief seeing me so tormented.
But that’s just my greed after all.
Seo Baek-han struggled to lift the hand that had been holding his phone and dropping it.
Why drag it out, I should just go back home.
Go back home… and keep my position as Director of the Royal Hospital.
First of all, the dirty switch that had been gnawing at Joo Tae-hyun all along, I’ll finish the quantification and commercialization of that shitty thing, and then…
Now, Seo Baek-han didn’t use words like greed or accomplishment to describe the goals he wanted to achieve.
Someday, when Joo Tae-hyun returns home, I want to create an environment where he, a shifter, can live as comfortably as possible. That became Seo Baek-han’s new dream. It was the first shipwreck he had ever experienced, but he wanted the person he loved to be happy, even in the ruins, because he knew that it was so ecstatically beautiful. For that one reason only.
“It’s past 2 a.m.”
A dreamlike voice leaked out from the crack in the front door, which was opened only as much as the latch allowed.
Seo Baek-han, who had been fixing his gaze on his feet and preparing to leave Joo Tae-hyun’s house, no, Joo Tae-hyun, forever, snapped his head up.
“Why aren’t you leaving?”
“……”
“You really only do what you want until the very end, Hyung.”
Is that really Joo Tae-hyun?
I didn’t even feel his presence? Really?
Seo Baek-han couldn’t believe it and stared blankly at the slightly opened front door without moving.
“…Let’s go inside and talk. I’m worried about people’s eyes.”
The first failure in Seo Baek-han’s life, and the last failure.
The first love that made him throw away everything that had made him who he was and have a dream that couldn’t be quantified for the first time.
Kind Joo Tae-hyun saved me again.
“I’m not going to take up too much of your time, so let’s just talk standing here. Is that okay?”
“Huh? Uh… of course.”
Seo Baek-han, who looked like glass about to shatter after being exposed to the cold wind for a long time, hesitantly stepped into the house.
Still not sure if this was a dream or reality, he slowly looked around the space where Joo Tae-hyun was staying, with a slightly dazed expression. He was more careful and serious than ever, as if he was taking pictures with his retina.
Joo Tae-hyun pushed back the sigh that kept rising to the tip of his nose. How could I ignore him when he’s been standing in front of my house all day with such a huge bouquet of flowers?
“I… no, I was… I was going to go back soon.”
Seo Baek-han whispered, his eyes tightly closed, as if enraptured by Joo Tae-hyun’s pheromone, which was rushing deep into his lungs. He must have been keeping his mouth shut all along, so his voice was cracking because he hadn’t spoken in a long time, but it felt like he was holding back tears, which made me feel strange.
“Really. I got a call saying that reporters might be barging in.”
He was going to wait until just before midnight and go straight to the airport, and he was going to go straight back home, even if he had to go through several stopovers, Seo Baek-han carefully emphasized.
“…Anyway, thank you. Thank you for letting me say goodbye in person. Oh, right. This is…”
Seo Baek-han belatedly held out the bouquet. No, he was about to hold it out. But seeing how withered it was overall, he flinched and withdrew his hand.
“I bought it because I thought of you… but I can’t really give it to you now.”
“…When exactly are you scheduled to return home?”
“Huh?”
“You said it was about two weeks away a few days ago… so it’s about ten days away now, right?”
Seo Baek-han, who couldn’t answer right away and was counting the remaining days, finally came to his senses and nodded.
“That’s probably right. No, um, that’s right.”
“Then let’s have dinner together before you go back.”
“Aren’t you pushing yourself too hard? If it’s because of the pheromones…”
“I’m saying it because I can handle it. I still don’t like hotel restaurants, but it’s okay if it’s not the cheap diner we always went to.”
His voice, which felt so indifferent that it was almost resolute, felt unfamiliar. And Seo Baek-han couldn’t take his eyes off of him. In the end, Joo Tae-hyun turned his head away, such was the intensity of his gaze.
“…However, I don’t want you to insist on calling it a date. I’m not going to do anything more than have dinner or coffee together.”
“…Uh, uh.”
“And don’t do this kind of thing that doesn’t suit you anymore.”
“Uh, I won’t.”
Seo Baek-han only nodded, like a person with a screw loose. His pupils were wide open, reflecting the image of me standing with my legs crossed.
“Also, what can I do?”
“……”
“Tae-hyun, huh?”
“…I also don’t want you to say you’re sorry anymore.”
Seo Baek-han, who was about to take a step towards me, stopped in his tracks.
“When I see you apologizing on your own, I keep… um, I keep thinking about the old days and it just makes me feel bad.”
Once I drew a clear line that I didn’t even want an apology from you, I felt a little better.
I had been wandering around, wanting to cross this boundary since I was very young. I wanted to reach Seo Baek-han on the other side. As a result, the place where Joo Tae-hyun stood was full of flaws and messed up.
I can’t live in such a mess, so I pulled back my steps late, and Joo Tae-hyun steeled his heart. For the first time, I drew a line towards him first. Although it was a clumsy gesture, the important thing is not the perfect shape. Isn’t it enough to know how to draw a line with my own will now?
“Tae-hyun, you’re too kind.”
Joo Tae-hyun’s shoulders, which had been tense without him realizing it, slumped. I finally agreed to have dinner with him, and what? Joo Tae-hyun raised one eyebrow crookedly, and Seo Baek-han smiled slightly, saying, “I know what you want to say.”
“You mean I don’t even deserve to be sorry to you.”
“……”
“I know, you’re just being considerate enough to let me bask in your pheromones until I go back home. That’s why I…”
Seo Baek-han, who was forbidden to say sorry to Joo Tae-hyun, moved his lips awkwardly several times.
The heads of the roses, which had begun to wither even more due to the sudden change in temperature, snapped off, and the amount of petals fluttering down was incomparably greater than before.
Joo Tae-hyun tilted his head, feeling a sense of déjà vu, and vaguely recalled an animation he had seen as a child. When the cursed beast became a complete person, didn’t the roses fall like this?
The petals falling around Seo Baek-han draw a circle. Paradoxically, the dying bouquet of roses gave off a stronger scent of life than ever before.
“I love you, such you.”