Joo Tae-hyun showed no reaction. It wasn’t that he was deliberately ignoring him. He just didn’t know what to say or how to react in these situations.
All he could do was step back and move away from his touch.
Should he call it fortunate? Nothing happened after that. He had worried that Seo Baek-han might grab him again, but contrary to his fears, he readily let Joo Tae-hyun go.
Confirming Seo Baek-han’s hand slowly dropping, Joo Tae-hyun finally turned around completely. Just before he turned, he thought he heard Seo Baek-han softly call his name. It seemed unlikely that he would encounter him again, so if he considered this the last time, he wouldn’t mind hearing what he had to say…
Well, even if Seo Baek-han didn’t, he decided it was better for himself not to.
He didn’t want to act irrationally in front of this man anymore. Nor did he want to feel emotionally superior by watching Seo Baek-han act out of character.
If that was the case, it was right to cut things off cleanly here.
It had been quite a while since he and Seo Baek-han had been running on parallel lines with no end in sight. …Ah, or maybe it hadn’t been that long.
He didn’t know. Joo Tae-hyun sighed deeply and stopped trying to figure it out. Whether it was the depth of his heart, his relationship with Seo Baek-han, or anything else.
Joo Tae-hyun gathered his meager belongings and left the lounge. He belatedly remembered Cheon Seung-pil’s suitcase sprawled in the middle of the lounge, but he didn’t dare go back.
Without saying goodbye or announcing his departure, it was over. It was an anticlimactic end, considering how determined he had been when he saw Seo Baek-han in the lounge.
Was Seo Baek-han still watching him until the moment he turned away? He probably was.
Sending a message to Cheon Seung-pil that he would go in first, Joo Tae-hyun hid behind a pillar. He didn’t have the confidence to face Seo Baek-han again right now.
Cheon Seung-pil
Yes, it’s okay. You were in the right state of mind to take care of my carrier.
Hey, wait a minute, then I have to go into the lounge alone and deal with Seo Baek-han??
Sorry.
Sorry. His gaze lingered on those two words for no reason. But the welcome name that immediately appeared on his phone screen left him no time for sentimentality.
“Oh, Hyung.”
It was his older brother, Joo Guk-won.
Joo Tae-hyun tried to make his voice sound bright on purpose. The corners of his lips trembled so much as he forced a smile.
─ Our baby! It’s almost time for your flight, isn’t it?
“Yeah, I just left the lounge.”
─ Uh-huh. Well, Hyung… I didn’t want to tell you because I thought our youngest would hate it, but I was worried, so I secretly assigned some bodyguards to you.
“Haha, I know.”
─ Oh my. You knew?
Joo Guk-won joked that he couldn’t possibly deceive his smart youngest brother.
─ So, don’t be surprised when the bodyguards start following you as soon as you arrive in New York. Even if it’s annoying, use the airline escort service at JFK. Hyung requested it, and they’re supposed to push you even if you refuse.
“Okay, I will.”
Joo Guk-won added a few more instructions. They weren’t serious; they were just the kind of ordinary nagging an older brother would give to a younger sibling going on a trip abroad with friends.
─ Now, what did the rest of the family tell our baby to do this morning?
“To not think about anything… and just have fun.”
─ Good. You’ll have to do all sorts of things you don’t want to do when the time comes, so let’s just relax for now. Got it?
Joo Tae-hyun nodded emphatically several times at Joo Guk-won’s kind words.
─ Hyung will come to pick you up soon.
Listening to his brother’s constant worries, his sister-in-law’s warm greetings, and even his nephews’ fussing, who should have been in bed long ago, made him feel a little better.
Joo Tae-hyun looked back at the lounge one last time.
…Should I have said a quick goodbye? Would the end have felt more real if I had?
Lost in thought, Joo Tae-hyun walked towards the boarding gate as if he had made a firm decision. He looked only ahead, as if he had left all of his past in the lounge.
* * *
Past midnight, the road was deserted. At this rate, he should arrive at the Donghwa Hotel in under 40 minutes.
But even if he got back quickly, what good would it do?
Joo Tae-hyun had already left.
The image of Joo Tae-hyun, unable to laugh or cry when he found him in the lounge, wouldn’t leave his mind.
He should have gotten angry instead. He should have gotten annoyed and asked what he was doing now. Joo Tae-hyun just calmly shook his head, no matter what he said.
If he had coldly rejected him, saying that it was no use now, he might have clung on a little more. He might have just gotten on the same plane without acknowledging Joo Tae-hyun’s wishes.
But seeing Joo Tae-hyun, who seemed to be struggling to even breathe, made it hard to open his mouth. Because he was the one who had brought him to that state.
‘Young Master said he would stop by around five o’clock.’
When Secretary Nam told him that Joo Tae-hyun would be coming to see him first, he couldn’t help but feel excited. He was the same Joo Tae-hyun he knew, happy with even a small, flower-like gift, so he had some expectations.
Maybe the pheromone enhancer had aroused his sympathy. Seo Baek-han easily entertained thoughts that he would have hated in the past, and he got out of bed with difficulty.
He washed carefully and struggled to choose his clothes, constantly worrying about what to say to Joo Tae-hyun.
An apology should come first, but he felt he needed a concrete explanation of what he had done wrong and what he was sorry for. He was confused himself, so how much more would Joo Tae-hyun be if he heard his feelings?
This time, he resolved to carefully and meticulously bring things out one by one, without arbitrarily asking or demanding in his own way.
But-
‘It’s over now. It’s all over.’
That’s what Joo Tae-hyun said yesterday. Everything was over, so how could he turn back now?
‘Please don’t make me regret and deny half of my life, most of the days I’ve lived.’
And Seo Baek-han didn’t fully realize his feelings until Joo Tae-hyun truly declared the end.
Ah, I feel like I’m just getting started.
No. Maybe I’ve been running on the same line as you all along.
But Seo Baek-han had no more chances left. There were plenty of moments when he could have taken Joo Tae-hyun’s hand, but he had wasted them all, and it was no one’s fault but his own.
─ Director, are you available for a call?
“…Ah, yes. Go ahead.”
As soon as he entered Seoul, Secretary Nam called him. As if to say that he didn’t have the luxury to be wallowing in loss right now, as if he didn’t even deserve it.
─ As you instructed, we have identified Kim Seung-jun’s location.
“Where is he?”
─ He appears to be moving from the outskirts of Washington to New York. It seems he deliberately chose a bus instead of a plane.
“Hmm.”
If he was heading straight to New York, that meant Kim Seung-jun still had a contact who would give him news about Joo Tae-hyun. If he was worried about being exposed, he would have traveled in a private car, but the fact that he chose a bus as his means of transportation meant that he probably had no money. Mixing in with the general public wasn’t a bad method, but it was unlikely that Kim Seung-jun had considered that far.
“DH is involved, so Tae-hyun will be safe. Let’s focus on apprehending Kim Seung-jun. Tomorrow morning, no, it’s past midnight, so it’s today. Let’s go straight to New York.”
─ Yes, I understand. But… I don’t think it’s something Director needs to handle personally. You were attacked recently, and your condition is unstable-.
“No, I have to finish it. It was Guk-won hyung’s condition.”
─ Excuse me?
In exchange for telling him Joo Tae-hyun’s flight and the hotel he would be staying at in New York, as well as his residence in Washington, he had to quietly finish the matter regarding Kim Seung-jun without Joo Tae-hyun noticing. And just because he knew the address, he wasn’t allowed to go and upset Tae-hyun.
‘I’m telling you to find out his movements so that Kim Seung-jun can’t approach Tae-hyun, not so you can go and shake up Tae-hyun as you please.’
Seo Baek-han could also have easily found out Joo Tae-hyun’s flight or where he lived. He could handle that much on his own without borrowing his father’s name.
But if he did, he felt that he wouldn’t be able to face him proudly when he encountered Joo Tae-hyun later. He had to show him that he had changed in some way so that Joo Tae-hyun would listen to him.
That he was listening to and following what his family was saying. He thought that if he had that kind of story to tell, it would be a little easier to persuade Joo Tae-hyun. It was an act done under such selfish and childish calculations.
Ah… come to think of it, he had said terrible things in front of his father and mother. He should have apologized for that too. Maybe Joo Tae-hyun was waiting for him to bring it up first…
Or maybe not. He had stabbed Joo Tae-hyun in the back so many times that he probably didn’t even expect him to apologize for each one.
─ …are planning to. Um, Director? Can you hear me?
“…Ah, yes. I was listening.”
Seo Baek-han gripped the steering wheel tightly, unfamiliar with the occasional trembling in his hands. What should he do? He already needed Joo Tae-hyun. He had thought Joo Tae-hyun, burying his face in his gown, was just cute, like a large dog waiting for its owner…
He shouldn’t have dismissed it like that. Joo Tae-hyun must have been desperate at the time. Not for the pheromones of his imprinting partner, but for the presence of the person he had feelings for.
And without even knowing that, he had just holed up in the Ferris wheel and satisfied his own desires. He was pathetic.
“The Taeja side might try to pin everything on Kim Seung-jun, so we need to protect Kim Seung-jun’s safety while finding evidence.”
Ah. I know I need to keep my distance for a while so that you can feel better. But how am I supposed to endure that time, which has no end in sight?
The only thing I can do right now is to make sure that people can never speak your name carelessly again.
If I can sort everything out, will I be able to see you then? Then… would it be okay?
Seo Baek-han couldn’t get a grip. He groped at the emptiness inside him, like the empty seat next to him, and slowly stroked his rough face.
“…It must have been hard for you all alone, Joo Tae-hyun.”
Instead of rattling on about how I don’t know why I did that, or why I’m doing this, or how to explain it, I should have just said I was sorry one more time.