Maybe it’s not true.
I heard that even hospital checkups aren’t certain in the very early stages. So, the chances of the test kit being wrong are even higher. Besides, my constitution isn’t even that of a true Omega. Joo Tae-hyun tried to believe only the positive possibilities.
“This is within a range that can be sufficiently managed. If we can just confirm the identity of the Alpha you slept with that day.”
Following Seo Baek-han’s gesture of nervously flipping through documents, the sleeve of his Dopo (Korean traditional overcoat) billowed. It wasn’t a large movement, but a peach scent wafted whenever he moved. A thick scent unique to fruit that’s overripe to the point of being mushy. Joo Tae-hyun learned for the first time through this man that a fruit reminiscent of a refreshing summer night could feel so oppressive.
“Drug use? That kind of rumor will die down if you just act confidently like you’re going to get tested. Tax investigation? Is there any company that doesn’t have dust when shaken? Unless you embezzled foundation donations, there’s no problem at all whether you went shopping or traveled with company money.”
The documents Seo Baek-han threw scattered across the sofa and table. Because of his thick Pheromone permeating each piece of paper, Joo Tae-hyun even forgot how to breathe for a moment.
“But, Tae-hyun.”
Completely throwing off even his cumbersome overcoat, Seo Baek-han slowly rubbed his forehead. It’s a habit he only shows when he’s trying to hold back his anger, as if wanting to mess up his neatly arranged hair.
“Affairs are not allowed.”
Was it because even the Dopo (Korean traditional overcoat), which had been like a final defense, had disappeared? Or was it because his emotions were heightened? Now, his Pheromone felt like it was tearing at his flesh.
Normally, his backside would be soaking wet. The heat cycle of Alpha and Omega would appear simultaneously, and he would have cried and begged Seo Baek-han to do something.
But right now, he felt nothing. He felt a slight elation, but his stomach, which had been churning until just now, felt rather comfortable. Seo Baek-han’s Pheromone, striking like lightning, was simply welcome.
“No matter how we agreed among ourselves, the world calls the act of sleeping with someone other than your spouse an affair, adultery, cheating. And once that kind of label is attached, money or the law can’t solve it.”
“……”
“If you were going to play this dirty, you should have cleaned up neatly. If you weren’t confident, you should have asked me for help. Wasn’t that one of the conditions of our marriage in the first place?”
Following the blood vessels that flared up on Seo Baek-han’s hand, his Pheromone spread like a fog.
His energy, which had been passing indifferently over his skin as if he had no interest in him until now, was now embedded in every single cell. Knowing that it was a natural phenomenon directed towards his own bloodline in his belly, Joo Tae-hyun somehow felt a lump in his throat.
It doesn’t have to be affectionate.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t cherish me.
While holding it tights, Joo Tae-hyun reluctantly decided to admit it, wanting to beg him with his whole body to share a little more of his scent, even in this way.
I really am pregnant.
With Hyung’s child.
“Tell me everything you remember. Who you got the Switch (likely referring to a drug or substance) from, and who you slept with.”
The child of a person who believes that I sleep with countless other Alphas, who doesn’t care at all whether that’s true or not… a person who doesn’t love me.
Joo Tae-hyun glanced at the scattered piles of documents.
Confidential, Top Secret, Embargo.
Because the documents were printed out on purpose to avoid leaving traces of file sharing, the words that caught his eye at a glance were all terrifying. The contents written inside would be about condemning the behavior of the youngest of the DH Group, Joo Tae-hyun…
So, what should I do now?
If I said that it was all a lie, that I had only slept with you until now. And that I think I suddenly got pregnant… Would this person really believe me?
“Joo Tae-hyun, you want to maintain this marriage, don’t you.”
What’s certain is that Seo Baek-han won’t welcome the existence of this child. The fact that a child could never be born was one of the reasons he chose a male Alpha like himself as his spouse.
“Living as my spouse, you liked it, didn’t you? Or not?”
Then what do I want to do from now on?
Can I live by this person’s side even after this?
As if nothing had happened, attend couple events together when Seo Baek-han requests it, smile in front of people as if I’m happy to be with the person I love, and sometimes sleep together when he wants a comfortable and easy Rut partner, like that… Can we live like before?
The familiar silence was difficult. The back of his eyes was hot and stinging as if burned by fire. Seo Baek-han waited for Joo Tae-hyun to spit out the answer himself, as he always did. Joo Tae-hyun’s opinion wasn’t important here. Because the answer he wanted was already decided.
Following the clattering noise, Joo Tae-hyun’s gaze slowly flowed. The ice in the coffee cup that Seo Baek-han put down was slightly melting and sinking. Before he knew it, the corners had become rounded, and they were even sticking together messily.
Strangely, as he looked at that sight, Joo Tae-hyun felt as if something was gradually breaking down inside him.
‘Your quantitative specs are far from the conditions I want in a spouse. Far, far away.’
‘Tae-hyun, let’s be clear while we’re at it. I don’t particularly have any intention of dating. To be exact, I don’t have any time at all, so I don’t plan to meet or date anyone. But sometimes I want to have sex too.’
‘Tell me your preferred Pheromone neutralizer. I’ll pay attention and manage it so that there’s nothing that bothers you when you come.’
I’ve liked that person for a really long time, and I’ve managed to endure it well until now, even knowing that my feelings can’t be reciprocated.
The person who married Seo Baek-han is Joo Tae-hyun. No matter who Seo Baek-han meets, the only person who can officially stand by his side is Joo Tae-hyun anyway.
Blinded by the sweetness that modifier gave, Joo Tae-hyun carefully built walls around his heart. Unable to deny this tiresome unrequited love even to himself, he tried not to collapse, wielding sharp chisels at his heart every moment.
Even when he heard from Seo Baek-han’s mouth that he had spent Rut with someone else, even when he realized that the more he hid his heart to portray the image of a chaebol, the more proud he was, even when he knew that he didn’t refuse to have sex with him because it had great meaning, but because of a single mistake… Still, he continued to like him, continued to.
As soon as he faced the foolish past and the reality he had turned away from, the fortress walls surrounding Joo Tae-hyun collapsed with a crash. He no longer had the confidence to protect this heart.
He should have stepped back when Seo Baek-han treated him like a naive kid…
Maybe now that he’s pregnant is the chance to hold onto Seo Baek-han for sure, the thought that flashed through his mind was so terrible that he couldn’t bear it.
Even if all these misunderstandings are resolved and the child issue is resolved well, he doesn’t think he can stand by Seo Baek-han’s side as if nothing had happened. He’s too broken for that.
A mass of solid matter losing its shape.
What’s the difference between that piece of ice that’s messily melting on its own without anyone telling it to, and himself?
Once ice starts to melt, it can’t return to its original neat shape. In the end, it ruins the taste of the coffee, changes the clear color of the liquid into a muddy mess, and only leaves an unwelcome water stain on the spot where the cup is placed.
‘Let’s get married, us.’
Even if you express it with the pretty word ‘unrequited love,’ the result was just a one-sided obsession that the other person didn’t want.
Dirty things must be wiped away.
Useless things should be cleaned up and thrown away.
So, let’s stop here.
I want to stop here.
“….Hyung.”
“Yes, speak.”
The destination of his dry gaze is the tip of his hand, neatly placed on his thigh. Comforting himself for not trembling, Joo Tae-hyun slowly raised his head. Just as his body no longer showed any particular reaction to his Pheromone, he could only hope that his face would also be indifferent.
“I want to stop.”
Seo Baek-han mainly wears Hanbok instead of coats. Sometimes it’s Durumagi (Korean traditional overcoat), sometimes it’s Korean military overcoat, and sometimes it’s Dopo (Korean traditional overcoat) like today.
It was the same when I first saw him. At that time, Seo Baek-han, who casually wore a Po over his jacket, was just fascinating. He’s seven years older than me, but I can’t say he’s old, but strangely, that kind of outfit suited him so well.
I couldn’t help but keep looking at his unusual demeanor, and when I came to my senses, I had already lost my whole heart to him.
But now it’s really over.
Dwelling on moments that the person involved doesn’t even remember and being pathetic alone.
Wanting to give more meaning than necessary to what is just natural breathing, all of it.
“……Hyung, I want to get a divorce.”
It seems like it’s time to end this pathetic and shabby unrequited love, this first love, from which Seo Baek-han has taken everything and left nothing behind.