By Zephyria 
“Why is Hyung here ag…ain?”
He wondered if the man had come to the shop to cause a scene again. Eun-myeong craned his neck, cautiously scanning the interior of the store. The muffled roar of chatter was still pouring out from inside.
“Auntie, one more beer here!”
A customer’s order rang out, followed by:
“Yes, I’ll be right there!”
Aunt Jeong-hye’s voice followed. Between the staff and the customers, everyone seemed frantic. It looked as though no one had a spare moment to pay attention to this side. In his anxiety, Eun-myeong chewed frantically on his lip. Tock, tock, tock. The skin tore, leaving raw, red spots that stung.
“I went to the boat that day to look for the medicine, but there was nothing inside.”
Overwhelmed by fear, Eun-myeong bit his tongue. He had no idea how terrified he had been that Jjangja might suddenly appear and harm him or his sister. Even now, he was afraid the man might hit him for lying.
…But.
“I know, you little shit.”
A completely unexpected reaction came from Jjangja. Eun-myeong’s jaw dropped, his head still tilted down.
“What…?”
There was no way he would let it go this easily. Not unless he had seen it with his own eyes.
Suddenly, a memory flickered across his darkened vision: the sound of the fish hold door screeching shut.
It had been a day when the wind was exceptionally strong, and the surging waves were no joke. At first, he thought it had simply blown shut. Though, he had found it strange that it hadn’t just closed, but had actually locked.
Seeing Jjangja react this way, it seemed that the closing of the fish hold back then had been Jjangja’s doing.
“Idiot.”
While Eun-myeong stood there dazed, the mockery struck his temple like a stone.
“I locked you up because I fucking hated seeing you act all high and mighty, trusting that old geezer.”
Jjangja raised his fist high, as if about to strike. Familiar with this pattern, Eun-myeong squeezed his eyes shut.
“Do you think I’m crazy enough to just trust a half-wit like you?”
A moment later, the fist slammed into Eun-myeong’s head. A heavy thud as it was driven down. Stars exploded before Eun-myeong’s eyes. He lost his balance and staggered.
However, the words that spilled from Jjangja’s mouth delivered an even greater shock.
“Hey, you fucking fucked that gangster guy, didn’t you?”
“…I never did.”
The blunt, piercing question nearly made Eun-myeong’s heart burst. But Jjangja, seemingly convinced, sneered as if he were listening to nonsense.
“Bullshit. Then what the fuck are those marks on your neck?”
Jjangja roughly grabbed the collar of Eun-myeong’s shirt and pulled it down. With a stretch, the ribbed collar widened, exposing his skin. His white skin was a mess, looking as if it had been swarmed by insects.
“Fucking chewed up pretty bad.”
In a rare display of shock, Jjangja then lifted the hem to look at his stomach.
“Stop it!”
Eun-myeong screamed, quickly covering his stomach with his palms.
“Is that guy a fucking pervert or what…?”
Even Jjangja, who had seen all sorts of vulgarity while acting as a thug, looked appalled. Claiming he had seen something too filthy to associate with, he spat on his own hand—ptui, ptui—and quickly backed away.
“What’s the difference between living like that and becoming that old man’s concubine?”
Jjangja trampled over Eun-myeong’s heart with his words, suggesting that if he had gone that route, he wouldn’t have had to be fucked like that. Having exposed everything, Eun-myeong bit his lower lip hard in shame.
“Does that guy actually want to fuck something like you? Fuck, just thinking about it makes me go limp….”
As he spoke, he needlessly fiddled with his own crotch, though for some reason, it seemed half-erect. Shrunken in an unspeakable sense of repulsion, Eun-myeong trembled, his shoulders shaking.
“Fuck, I’m dying for money and that old geezer isn’t picking up the phone.”
Jjangja continued to pace around, appearing anxious. He kicked things here and there for no reason, slamming trash into the ground as if venting his frustration.
Eun-myeong could only watch his back, unable to even compose his shaking shoulders.
“Hey.”
Then, Jjangja whipped around and brought his face close to Eun-myeong’s. Not wanting to be near him, Eun-myeong quickly stepped back.
“Go back into the orphanage.”
Why the orphanage all of a sudden? The abrupt command nearly made Eun-myeong bite the tip of his tongue. His sister had mentioned something similar yesterday. She had said the Director had suddenly disappeared….
“Why should I go to the orphanage?”
“Because the aphrodisiacs are there.”
“The stuff you take when you fuck, huh?” Jjangja said, crudely slapping his fist into his palm to make a sound.
The orphanage and aphrodisiacs—the combination of two completely incompatible words made Eun-myeong clutch his apron tightly in his palms. He wanted to stop listening and go back to the shop. He shouldn’t be outside this long; the shop was incredibly busy….
“H-how do you know the aphrodisiacs are there?”
Jjangja burst into a snicker, as if it were the funniest thing in the world.
“Hey, why do you think that bitch Eun-joo went to the orphanage before she bolted?”
There were no relatives for his sister or himself. The only place they had any connection to was that hellish orphanage, which was why he had assumed his sister went there.
Of course, in the back of his mind, he had felt it was a choice unlike her. His sister had hated the orphanage and the Director more than death.
‘I’m going to make a lot of money and one day report the orphanage and the Director to the police, then just leave for Seoul.’
She had said that every time she opened her mouth.
He had thought it was contradictory that the place she fled to, escaping the shackles of a life she wanted to leave so badly, was the orphanage again.
“The Director buys a fuck-ton of aphrodisiacs, that pervert.”
Eun-myeong looked up at Jjangja with wide eyes. However, looking somewhat vacant, it didn’t seem like he was actually seeing Jjangja.
“What?”
Eun-myeong murmured blankly. He asked slowly, like a person whose soul had departed.
“How do you know that, Hyung?”
“How do I know, you idiot? That bitch Eun-joo and I worked as porters together; how would I not know?”
Thump. It felt as if his chest had collapsed.
For a while, he had been anxious that Jjangja might find out about his sister’s absence and cause a scene.
But it turned out this was the truth. Relationships surrounding drugs were intertwined like a spiderweb around him. It felt surreal that such things were happening all around him and he was the only one who didn’t know. His stomach felt nauseous and churned, as if he were seasick.
“The amount was fucking huge, and that pervert old man bought it all.”
Jjangja acted out in anger, scratching his head violently and punching the wall repeatedly; he looked extremely unstable.
“It makes way more sense for you to go into the orphanage than me, you little orphan brat.”
Eun-myeong shook his head slightly.
“Hyung, I can’t do that. Not anymore.”
During the time he was trapped on the boat, Eun-myeong had regretted so much. He had steeled his resolve that once he got out, he would live the life he truly wanted and shake off the past that bound him.
“I already did what you told me. Leave my sister and me alone. I’ll report you.”
Eun-myeong murmured, trembling. Jjangja shoved Eun-myeong away violently. Eun-myeong flew back like a powerless cotton doll, hitting his back against the stone wall and falling. The items in his pants pockets scattered everywhere.
“A cell phone?”
Jjangja murmured in a sinister voice as he picked up a cell phone from the ground.
“H-ha… don’t touch it!”
Pale with fear, Eun-myeong tried to pull the phone back toward him, but Jjangja blocked him.
“Hey, did that guy buy this for you?”
Eun-myeong couldn’t find the words to respond. He could only look down at the shattered screen of the phone. Just looking at it made him feel as if his own heart were splintering and aching.
“Idiot’s playing house.”
Slam. He smashed the phone screen with his fist.
“Stop it!”
But the scream was short-lived; the words that followed from Jjangja made Eun-myeong’s lower abdomen tighten.
“Hey, if you report me, what happens to that bitch Lee Eun-joo?”
Eun-myeong’s lips clamped shut. The will to resist, which was unlike him, withered away. Since Jjangja was threatening him with his sister—who was essentially his lifeline—Eun-myeong could only be dragged along helplessly.
When Jjangja made a call with Eun-myeong’s phone, loud rock music erupted from the other person’s pocket.
“The little shit must be paying a hell of a price for you, huh? You pick up the moment I call.”
Jjangja tossed the phone back to Eun-myeong. His piercing glare seemed to demand an answer. It was clear he wouldn’t leave until he got an ‘okay’ sign from Eun-myeong.
“…Alright.”
As Eun-myeong gave a reluctant, small nod, Jjangja turned away, leaving one last word.
“Got it? I heard they’re going to some sunrise festival or whatever for the holiday, so slip in during the chaos and handle it properly.”
Just as he turned to leave.
“What’s this?”
Finding something else on the ground, Jjangja raised his foot to kick it away.
“Don’t! I-it belongs to a customer!”
It was a lighter that had tumbled out when the phone fell. Eun-myeong quickly reached out and grabbed the lighter.
“You little shit, I wouldn’t take your stuff even if you gave it to me.”
Jjangja kicked him squarely. Eun-myeong let out a cry of pain and pulled his hand to his chest. The back of his hand where he was hit was incredibly painful and hot. It throbbed as if his heart were held right there. Even so, he held the lighter tightly in his grip, as if it were precious.
“Like a little beggar.”
Step, step. Jjangja swaggered away, leaving the alley. Eun-myeong was left alone in the silence.
Eun-myeong quietly looked down at the lighter. It was a product of his small, miserable heart. Why was this still in his pocket? After saying he would throw it away, throw it away. Why the hell could he still not let it go?
In truth, perhaps he already knew the answer.
…You actually don’t want to throw it away.
A heavy, complicated feeling filled his chest. His life was still shackled to the past; he hadn’t escaped Jjangja, nor the orphanage.
He didn’t know how he had functioned for the rest of the day. He got chewed out for taking an order for maeuntang as tangtang-i by mistake, and he burned his hand while boiling the stew. While cleaning the restroom, he slipped and fell, soaking himself in soapy water. His socks were damp, and he felt incredibly uncomfortable.
By the time work ended, his entire body was aching indescribably. Yet, Eun-myeong didn’t return to the hotel immediately; he lingered by the seashore. Even though the envelope containing today’s wages was inside his padding jacket, he didn’t feel secure at all.
A biting wind brushed past Eun-myeong. He saw tourists gathered in family groups. Since it was just after the New Year, many people had come to see the sunrise.
Colorful fireworks exploded in the sky. Ahaha, loud, boisterous laughter filled the air, though he didn’t know what was so joyful. But none of it belonged to Eun-myeong.
Eun-myeong felt as if he had become a handful of sand on the white beach, scattering in the sharp wind. His heart was profoundly still and lonely.
If only I could be swept away by those waves too….