DD 4.3 Worry

There was no trace of the awkwardness from the first day in Hyung’s pose or expression.

In the quiet space, as if deeply submerged in water, Jeff Beck’s album, which Hyung had introduced, played at a low volume, and we filled the time without boredom, exchanging only the minimum necessary conversation for the work.

Today, our fourth session in this garden, Hyung, naked and sitting on a rock in front of the osmanthus tree with its branches crookedly spread like a wild tree, turned his head towards me, looking beyond comfortable, truly free.

That energy was transmitted to me as well, and after several days of work, the composition and color scheme had almost completely settled in my mind.

I documented Hyung’s poses with several photographs and sketched numerous drawings until one sketchbook was full. The preliminary preparations seemed to be mostly complete.

I once again etched into my eyes the extremely thin, sharp, and aggressive, yet also precarious, sensitive, and vulnerable, straight line falling from Hyung’s shoulder to his arm, and quickly moved my hands on the folding table easel.

“Thank you for your hard work, Hyung. You can relax now.”

Even after I said that and put down my pencil, Hyung didn’t move immediately. It was the same for the past three days. It was similar to an actor who couldn’t immediately detach from a scene after emotionally intense filming.

Unlike when he was posing, Hyung sat still for a moment with only his waist relaxed, then pressed around his eyes with both hands, stretched his neck from side to side, and then extended his limbs in a stretch like a yawn. He then slowly stood up and picked up the shower gown he had thrown on a nearby rock.

By the time he approached me with a smile, he had returned to his usual self.

I stopped my hands, which were tidying the scattered tools on his outdoor table set, arranged for the work, and handed him a cold beer, freshly taken from the icebox.

“I might ask you again later, but for now, I think today is enough.”

“Really? This felt surprisingly healing. A bit of a shame.”

As Hyung plopped down on the bench opposite me and scratched his nose, his face felt much more familiar than before we started working together. It wasn’t that I knew Hyung better, but rather… it was a familiarity that came from erasing what I thought I knew and leaving blanks.

“It felt really good to just sit naked among the trees. You don’t get many chances to do things like that.”

While drinking his beer, Hyung stared blankly at the spot where he had been sitting quietly moments before, looking like someone waking from a deep sleep.

“Because you felt comfortable, I was able to focus and draw. I think I can enjoy the remaining work too. Thank you.”

“I’ve done fashion magazine modeling a couple of times besides Old Future, but it wasn’t very fun. The vibe of the people on set didn’t match mine. But this time, ah… it was good.”

Hyung didn’t seem to be speaking empty words as he tilted his beer can.

This work, which I had initially perceived solely as the act of me drawing Hyung, gradually changed in meaning as it progressed. The communion with the subject, the faint awakening of old sensations etched deep within my body. Memories of understanding and loving the subject by looking, observing, and drawing.

“What, it’s already over?”

At the appearance of a familiar and welcome voice, Hyung and I both turned around. Yooni Noona stood at the door connected to the parking lot, her disappointment evident. He was with her.

“Why are you upset you didn’t get to see my naked body?”

“What are you talking about? Do I not see your body all the time? A body like a stick, who would want to see that? I wanted to see you flustered and naked so I could tease you.”

While Noona and Hyung exchanged their habitual bickering, I exchanged a brief greeting with him through our eyes, avoiding their gaze.

He looked comfortable in a light sky-blue striped linen suit with a clean t-shirt, carrying a paper bag from the hamburger franchise I had chosen for dinner.

“Hmph, would you really say that if you had seen my naked body? Even though I’m skinny everywhere else, that one part is….”

“Seo Yi-hyun, I missed you. Still a busy bee, aren’t you?”

Noona, who had been listening to Hyung’s boast with a displeased look, her lips pursed upwards, turned sharply towards me and smiled brightly before Hyung could finish his sentence. This was the first time I had seen Noona since the barbecue party.

“What do you mean, busy bee? Ah… the stripes!”

Hyung, forgetting to question the earlier dismissal or neglect, showed interest in the nickname Noona had given me. The two, who had been bickering moments ago, quickly hit it off again, enjoying themselves by riffing on a new nickname. This kind of boisterousness felt like it had been a while too.

“Don’t you think the nickname is good, CEO? It suits Lee Hyun, right? Seo the Bee. Honeybee.”

As he placed the paper bag on the table, he glanced at Noona, who had her arm around my shoulder. His gaze then immediately shifted to me, scanning my chest and stomach, where I wore a striped t-shirt.

“Indeed. Imagining you diligently going around collecting nectar everywhere… it suits you quite well.”

Noona, having gained my and Hyung’s agreement on my new nickname, smiled at me, clearly pleased, and approached the icebox to get a beer for him and me.

The image of a cute, cartoonish bee with a plump backside came to mind when I thought of a bee, and it didn’t seem to fit my stiff self, but since all three seemed happy, I quietly accepted the beer Noona offered. As I wiped the condensation off the bottle, the paper label, which had swollen while submerged in ice water inside the icebox, wrinkled and peeled back. I briefly looked down at the bottle in my hand, feeling a sense of déjà vu, as if I had experienced such a moment in this place before.

“How is the work? Is it going smoothly? Is it difficult with an amateur model?”

I looked up at his voice, which spoke in a joking tone as he tilted the translucent green beer bottle.

“It’s still in the conceptual sketching phase… but thanks to the model doing a great job, the image I want to draw has become clear, so it seems to be going smoothly… I think.”

I smiled at Hyung across from me, and he shrugged, his hands in the front pockets of his gown, with an expression like a child who had just received praise.

“Hmm…”

He let out a brief, unintelligible hum and took a few sips of beer.

“And the work with Hyung will be finished today. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule.”

This week, he had arranged for Hyung to finish work at 5 PM for my project. Knowing how busy Phantom was these days, I had initially suggested working on the weekend, but he was very enthusiastic, stating that no task was more important than responding to the creator’s needs.

“It’s nothing. If the writer needs it, I can even be Kwon Juhan’s personal assistant.”

He made a joke, his slightly stiff expression from moments ago softening.

“So, you’re starting the main work now? I’m looking forward to it, Seo Yi-hyun’s work.”

“I’m getting hungry. Let’s talk about the rest while we eat. The sun is starting to set, shall we eat on the rooftop today?”

Seeing that the conversation was likely to get long, he extended his arm in front of Noona and snapped his fingers a couple of times, “snap, snap,” to get our attention.

At his suggestion, everyone moved in unison. Hyung went inside first to change, and I began to pack up my drawing supplies. He and Noona disappeared inside the entrance, saying they would get more beer and snacks. I felt inexplicably happy at the rare bustle and couldn’t stop smiling as I went down to the studio to put my tools back in their places.

Bounding up the stairs two or three at a time, I returned to the garden and saw him emerging from the entrance carrying a shopping bag filled with several bottles of beer.

“I’ll carry some too.”

I quickly approached him, intending to take out a few bottles to share, but he wrapped his arm around my neck from behind, like a restraint, and pushed my back.

“I can carry this much by myself, so let’s go up quickly.”

We had hugged face-to-face many times, or he had held me from behind when I stood at the induction stove to cook ramen… but this kind of physical contact was probably a first. It felt like the casual intimacy shared between Juhan Hyung and him, and the warmth of his body against my back felt good, in a way different from expressing deep affection.

“……”

But as soon as I thought that, he lowered his head deeply and pressed his lips firmly against my cheek.

Even though I knew he wouldn’t make a mistake, I instinctively scanned my surroundings, and he chuckled softly in my ear at my reaction.

“You two go up already.”

“Still…”

“Hmm. Do you dislike it so much if people find out we’re like this?”

As we rounded the corner of the building and moved away from the garden, the surrounding shade deepened. The entrance to the concrete stairs leading to the rooftop came into view ahead. The rooftop was still an unknown territory I hadn’t been to yet.

“It’s not that…”

If I were found out now, I wouldn’t have the right words to explain. We were progressing our relationship at our own pace and direction, but how others perceived it was another matter. I was confident I wouldn’t be swayed by their opinions, but it wouldn’t be pleasant if I wasn’t understood by those close to me.

And… if our relationship became known, it was likely he would receive the criticism, not me.

“I was just being petty, so don’t make that face.”

At the entrance of the stairs, he kissed my cheek once more. I nodded and smiled at his gentle voice.

“But…”

As he followed me up, two steps behind, he subtly began, and I turned to look at him. He was looking up at me with slightly narrowed eyes, his expression somewhat prim.

“Between giving me a ride on your back and giving me the nickname ‘busy bee,’ which is more of a reason to be jealous? What do you think?”

“……”

His serious expression made me laugh. He lunged at my waist, as if to say I was trying to brush it off with laughter, and I hurried up the stairs to escape him.

Breathing heavily from the sudden exertion, I reached the rooftop, where the wind was much cooler than in the garden, ruffling my hair. And I couldn’t help but stop at the new sight that unfolded before me.

Although it was just the rooftop of a two-story house, its elevated location offered an unobstructed, panoramic view. While Morae and Hyung’s rooftop apartment had a great view, it wasn’t a view that literally overlooked all of Seoul, like the Han River and the scenery beyond.

The western sky, where the day’s sunset was just beginning to form, was particularly impressive, flowing towards the sea. In my Grandfather’s village, adjacent to the East Sea, I could see the full sunrise to my heart’s content, but the brilliant intensity of the sunset was always hidden by the mountain range, allowing me to only taste its lingering afterglow.

“It’s nice here, isn’t it? The view is better than most rooftop bars, right? CEO, you should bring guys here to pick them up, right?”

The rooftop was equipped with a bungalow with a canopy-like ceiling, spacious tables, and chairs underneath, as well as stand-up lights scattered around, making it, as Noona said, a magnificent rooftop bar.

“Do you think I need to put in this much effort to win you over?”

“Ha… you’re annoying, but I can’t argue with that. You attract Alphas, Omegas, Betas, men, women, and the elderly just by standing there, so of course, CEO, you lack manners.”

Noona, who had been leaning loosely against the back of a rattan chair reminiscent of a resort, sat up and clicked her tongue.

And after everyone had taken their seats, he took a big bite of a hamburger and continued speaking.

“Speaking of manners, please be kinder to the new hires. Did you know Choi Ji-won cried today?”

He answered somewhat perfunctorily, asking me which of the various hamburgers I wanted to choose.

“I don’t recall being particularly mean, so why did she cry? She’s a grown adult.”

“You pointed out the way she organized the research materials. I saw her go to the restroom afterward, and her eyes were red. I didn’t ask if she cried because she was embarrassed, but it’s obvious. I understand you didn’t like her work, but… she was a student until very recently. Can’t you cut her some slack?”

“Even if she’s a graduating senior, she’s about your age.”

“……”

His remark left Noona speechless for a moment, and she just chewed her hamburger. However, after swallowing the hamburger with her beer, she immediately continued.

“I started social life before you. You can’t just think about age. And at a busy time like this, if a new hire we just recruited quits, it would be a shame for us. If you can’t be nice, you can just keep commuting to the villa until you go to Chicago.”

“The villa…?”

I had no intention of interrupting the conversation, but the mention of something I knew nothing about slipped out as an involuntary question.

All three pairs of eyes turned to me, and Juhan Hyung, in particular, widened his eyes exaggeratedly. As if my ignorance was more surprising.

“Still, as a cohabitant, you haven’t heard about that?”

“Let’s not overreact, Kwon Juhan.”

His voice held more sternness than usual, as his tone and expression were mixed with a nuance of criticism towards him.

He turned to me sitting beside him and placed the burger he was eating back on the tray. I had chosen the cheeseburger, and he had chosen the chicken burger; neither of us had eaten more than a bite or two.

“Having me there just makes the office crowded, the new hires feel self-conscious, and it’s uncomfortable for me too… so lately, I sometimes go to the other place to handle some office work. Seo Yi-hyun, you know, ‘that’ duplex villa.”

He wasn’t obligated to share every detail of Phantom’s internal situation with me, nor did I intend to interrogate him. I nodded towards him, who was turning his body towards me and explaining the situation with an effort that deviated slightly from his usual composure.

It wasn’t desperation, but I could feel him trying hard for me to believe him. There was no reason not to believe him. I hadn’t doubted anything from the start.

“Hey, it was occasional at first, but lately, you go there more than three days a week. I thought maybe you were completely smitten with some bulging bagel man and skipping work to go on dates.”

Whatever he was worried about, my confidence in him wasn’t so weak that I would harbor doubts from one of Noona’s meaningless remarks.

Rather, if there was a ‘bagel man he was currently smitten with,’ it was probably me… a very, very uncharacteristic and presumptuous thought. ‘Smitten’ was just Noona’s expression, and I wasn’t a bulging bagel man either.

“It would be fortunate if it were a relationship. Is it still a relationship if you sleep together a few times and then break it off when you get bored?”

Juhan Hyung muttered to himself, tilting his head back and letting a French fry dipped heavily in ketchup fall into his mouth.

“Ah… why did I suggest we all eat dinner here?”

He lifted his chin towards the ceiling and shook his head.

I laughed at his exaggerated gestures, clearly meant to elicit a reaction from me, as he feigned distress. Seeing that I wasn’t flustered, he looked back at me and finally gave a slight smile.

Juhan Hyung had only realized that I had feelings for him; he didn’t know that he and I were already bound by a loose, shared responsibility.

Yet, the reason he seemed to be acting hostile towards him was, I suspected, not to attack him, but to make me vigilant.

‘This man is a cold person who doesn’t share anything about himself, even with the person he lives with. He easily discards people, a man who has not even a shred of intention for a serious relationship.’

Hyung, sitting diagonally across from me, seemed to want to convey those words with his expression.

The story that he had only moved between casual relationships in the past might be true, but it didn’t matter. At least I was confident that I wasn’t someone he would discard after sleeping with a few times, and that was enough for now. I had no intention of rushing him for an officially recognized position as a lover.

As I pulled the paper wrapping of my hamburger further down to continue eating, Noona spoke.

“Are you really holed up there these days, plotting some conspiracy?”

The older sister, who came here with him right after work, must have been very hungry, as she had already finished her share of the hamburger and was wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“Yes, I’m plotting world domination, why. You said the atmosphere gets cold when I’m in the office. As long as it doesn’t interfere with receiving situation reports and feedback, and customer management is being done properly, isn’t that good enough?”

“Well, that’s true.”

To his increasingly annoyed reply, the older sister shrugged and tossed the crumpled napkin into a corner of the table. Then, leaning her arms on the table, she stretched her neck towards the straw sticking out of the cup in front of her.

“Lee Hyun, but where are your sister and Hyung right now? Shouldn’t they have arrived by now?”

“Yes, they arrived safely in Bali a few days ago.”

“Seo Yi-hyun, you should at least let us know such news via messenger. This guy can be surprisingly cold-hearted.”

As the older sister chided him, brushing her hair behind her ear with an annoyed expression in the cool breeze, I just smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck.

Morae and Hyung, who had arrived in Bali via Denpasar Airport not long ago, had found temporary lodging near Kuta Beach and were looking for work. The email also included two or three photos of them looking healthy, which put my mind more at ease.

I showed them the photos saved on my phone to my sister and Hyung.

Already completely tanned before even arriving in Bali, the two were smiling brightly against the backdrop of the Kuta Beach sunset, backpacks slung over their shoulders, their eyes and teeth gleaming white against their sun-darkened faces. It was a scene that would have been impossible without his help.

“But how long does Lee Hyun have to live like this? Can’t the CEO do something about it?”

The older sister, having received a bottle of beer from him, asked him, gripping the bottle’s cap with a napkin to twist it open.

“I… I’m fine, noona. It’s not like I can’t do what I want, or go where I want. Rather… I’m actually doing really well these days….”

“Still, you can’t go anywhere without a bodyguard and driver. This isn’t the life of a top idol. Isn’t it frustrating?”

I glanced back at him, but he just drank his beer silently, as if it wasn’t a question for me to answer. Perhaps it was my imagination, but his gaze, tilted askew towards somewhere on the table, seemed to carry a heavy sense of guilt, making me feel downcast as well.

I am grateful to him for all the current circumstances, and none of the discomforts were caused by him; he is the one trying to protect me from potential danger… it upset me why he would feel sorry about that.

“It’s not that frustrating… I don’t really go out much anyway….”

“Wouldn’t it be better for Lee Hyun to go abroad too?”

“……”

At Juhan Hyung’s rather bold suggestion, everyone’s gaze, including his, focused on Hyung. His face, with the piercings he had put back in for his art work, looked both glamorous and rebellious.

Hyung placed his beer bottle on the table and continued, his face looking quite serious.

“The person who is your sister’s father, he’s no ordinary man, which is why the CEO is being so cautious. But just because your sister and Hyung arrived safely in Bali doesn’t mean Lee Hyun is safe. And you can’t keep living where you can’t even go to the convenience store in front of your house comfortably, can you? Wouldn’t it be solved if Lee Hyun just went abroad entirely?”

“It’s not a matter that can be discussed so easily.”

Even as he said that, his voice didn’t sound like he considered Hyung’s suggestion completely absurd.

“Your sister’s father, is he really that… formidable? To the point where he could suddenly kidnap you and threaten you?”

The older sister looked incredulous that such a person, who seemed like something out of a drama or movie, could have an influence on her surroundings.

“If he set his mind to it… he is that kind of person.”

“Mr. Im might do something to you, you punk! For his daughter’s sake… he’s the type to cripple someone like you, who has nothing, without batting an eye.”

I wanted to deny it, knowing everyone would worry, but the terrified voice of Grandfather, who had cornered Hyung in the yard the day we left the village, was still vivid in my mind.

“Whatever kind of person he is, we won’t just stand by and take it. We could convey our message more forcefully, but… we’re not doing it because we don’t want to. For now.”

He said this quickly and decisively, picking up his pack of cigarettes and lighter from the table. He was currently reacting defensively, but his tone implied that if he wanted to, he could take aggressive action at any time.

Juhan Hyung accidentally knocked over his beer bottle on the table, and the topic fizzled out. Even if that weren’t the case, Hyung and the older sister, who had plans to go see a band at a live club on a Friday night, were starting to need to leave.

He and I walked together towards the stairs to see the two off.

“Lee Hyun, won’t you come out with us? I think it would be good to spend time with people whose first digit of their age is the same as yours sometimes.”

“Hmm, I think you should say things like that after returning the card from someone whose first digit of their age is different.”

At his retort, the older sister threw her head back and laughed. Then, with a compliment on his wit, she awkwardly draped her arm over his shoulder, which was more than 30 centimeters taller than hers. He subtly pulled away, holding up his hand, but the older sister just looked momentarily puzzled and didn’t seem to think much of it.

I hadn’t meant to ask him to avoid even such casual physical contact… My face turned red, recalling my childishness that had revealed the deepest jealousy that night.

“Hey, why are you looking at the CEO’s face? Is the CEO pressuring you to draw quickly and make money?”

Hyung seemed to think my glance at him was him looking at the CEO.

“No, it’s not that… I want to proceed with the painting quickly when the image is clear.”

“So, you can call me an old man or a wicked employer, I don’t care, but return the card first.”

With his hand outstretched and his head tilted defiantly, the two abruptly cut off their conversation and hurried down the stairs.

I watched them descend, singing a strange song I didn’t know at the top of their lungs, until they rounded the corner of the building and disappeared from view. Even after leaving the gate, their singing continued for some time.

On the rooftop, where the last embers of the sunset were fading, it was just the two of us. He was drinking beer on the railing of the bungalow, looking down at the alley. He probably had a slight smile on his face, listening to the fading singing of Hyung and the older sister.

Suddenly, he turned towards me. And he spread his arms loosely, at about a 120-degree angle.

“……”

I knew what it meant.

Hesitantly, I approached and rested my chin on his broad shoulder, carefully wrapping my arms around his waist. His spread arms tightened around my body, and his right cheek pressed against mine.

“Sketch.”

“……”

“If this had gone on for a few more days, I don’t know what pathetic state I would have been in.”

“……”

“Thank you for finishing it earlier than expected. I pretended to understand everything, but… ah, it was really close.”

I pressed my chin down on his shoulder and smiled silently.

“You’re starting the main work now, right?”

“Yes.”

“If you need anything, or if there’s anything I can help with, just tell me.”

“Yes, I will.”

I couldn’t say that this embrace with him was entirely comfortable. Every cell in my body felt alive where we touched, making me acutely aware, and I worried if my awkward posture was making him uncomfortable. But it was different from an unpleasant discomfort that made me wish for it to pass quickly.

“Don’t just say it. It’s my job, and also… I want to help you personally. Don’t think about being a burden, just tell me right away.”

I nodded with a faint smile at his concern, which accurately predicted where I would hesitate.

Seoul, which we looked down upon while facing each other, was now fully transitioning from afternoon to evening. Nothing obstructed my view, and a rather cool breeze blowing down from Namsan rustled my clothes and hair.

Looking at the winding course of the Han River, I felt I understood the feeling of Jack Dawson in Titanic, who shouted, “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the giant cruise ship, and then chuckled at my own silly sentimentality. It was also because I remembered reading an article that Titanic’s “I’m the king of the world” had won first place in a survey in the UK for ‘most cheesy movie line.’ They were truly unorganized, disconnected, and unnutritious associations.

And then, my thoughts drifted to the fact that this time, where I let myself drift blankly, surrendering to fleeting thoughts that arose and disappeared without any particular meaning, had been a very, very long time.

Watching the swaying, flickering, slow and fast movements of the various lights that circulated blood through the city, I turned my head and buried my lips deep in his neck, leaning my cheek on his shoulder, enjoying the warmth of his body sharing this moment. It was my own form of childish indulgence.

He lowered his head and kissed my cheek and ear. The arms holding me slowly stroked my back as if to soothe me.

Suddenly, I felt an urge to say, “I love you.”

Though I called it an urge, it wasn’t an explosive desire steeped in emotion or feeling. If it were, I would have already told him I loved him several times during our ecstatic nights together.

There was no logical self-understanding that led me to realize my love, nor was there a special event that served as a trigger, but it felt like nothing would be more natural than telling him I loved him in this moment. That was all.

“……”

“……What’s wrong.”

I suddenly pushed his body away urgently. It would be more accurate to say I quickly pulled my body away from his. He spread his now empty arms and asked the reason for my sudden action.

“Uh… I want to take some photos before the sunset fades further.”

He narrowed his eyes, a hint of mischief in his suspicious expression, but he didn’t press further.

As if fleeing from the word “love” that had naturally surfaced, I moved away. I started taking a few shots of the western sky with the digital camera he had lent me for my work. I changed the direction of the lens and captured him tidying up the table. I took a full-body shot against the backdrop of the bungalow with the tent flapping in the wind, and then zoomed in to capture his profile, with its neat and distinct contours.

“You didn’t eat much again.”

He clicked his tongue, seeing my half-eaten hamburger. I quickly put down the camera and approached the table to help with the cleanup.

“You said you wanted a hamburger. If you can’t even eat what you said you wanted, it’s really a big problem.”

“Because of my work… I think I’m in a state of excitement lately. I feel full even without eating….”

“I understand you have no appetite, but… it’s summer, and if you keep leaving food like this because you have no appetite, I get really worried.”

He was taking the situation seriously, saying he needed to consult with the training company’s specialist to prepare a diet that wouldn’t burden my stomach but would provide balanced nutrition.

“Regular food won’t do. I’ll prepare fresh dishes with minimal seasoning that won’t upset your stomach, and I won’t force you to eat too much. But in return, promise me you’ll finish everything without making excuses about your appetite. Okay?”

Although we usually ate dinner together after he returned from work, my breakfast and lunch were prepared by the housekeeper who came in every day at a set time. The environment he had already provided was more than enough.

Perhaps my stomach had become a bit sensitive from adapting to the drastically changed environment in a short period, or perhaps it was simply a seasonal loss of appetite. Whichever it was, it was a common symptom that could happen to anyone.

“You don’t have to go to such lengths, I’m fine as it is….”

“Promise me. It’s not a difficult thing.”

“……”

The playfulness had completely disappeared from his expression.

“It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve eaten like this. We need to come up with a plan. Wouldn’t it be better for your work too?”

Seeing him shake my right shoulder a couple of times, as if urging me for a definite answer, I nodded. Only then did he smile, stroke my cheek once, and shove the bag of french fries into the paper bag.

The fact that he mentioned the specific period of two weeks showed that he had been continuously concerned. He probably tried not to show it on the surface so I wouldn’t feel bad.

If this was what made him feel at ease, I would agree for now… but honestly, I was still confused about where the line was between accepting kindness and crossing the boundary of abandoning my original self.

A world where meals with different menus were always prepared at a set time, where the room was tidied up while the garden was watered, and where perfectly washed clothes were always in drawers and closets… that was his world, not mine.

We decided to leave the cooler on the rooftop for now and moved the rest of the luggage downstairs together. By then, the sun had completely set. After sorting the trash and having a cup of tea together, we went down to the studio, where he was curious about the direction of my work.

Although there might be changes during the actual drawing process, I talked about the image I was currently envisioning, looking at sketches and photos. He listened with a very serious attitude, without offering any advice or questions. His distance from other people’s art, so similar to my parents’ and my former studio director’s, made me feel more comfortable talking.

“Hmm? When did you take this?”

As I was choosing an easel for the draft sketch, I stopped and turned to look at him. He was perched on the back of the sofa, looking down at the small digital camera, and then turned the screen towards me with a smile. They were photos of me he had taken on the rooftop earlier.

“A little bit… while I was tidying up earlier….”

My ears grew hot, but I adjusted the height of the selected easel’s paint box and replied as if I had nothing to hide, as if I were nonchalant. However, looking at his expression, it seemed he had no intention of letting it slide easily.

He got up from the sofa and approached, hugging me from behind by the waist. The combination of several strong perfumes permeated deep into my lungs with my breath.

“What, why are you taking candid photos? I could be a good model if you asked me to.”

“……”

Later. I intended to ask him when everything within me had fully ripened. I didn’t want to ruin anything related to him by rushing.

“You took it well. The gaze of the person taking the photo, looking at the subject… it clearly showed affection and shyness.”

He spoke with amusement, bending his back slightly and pressing his chin gently on my shoulder. My reddened ears and neck were vivid, but I didn’t deny his interpretation.

“Now you understand, right?”

“……”

Instead of answering, I turned my head and looked down at his face. I wanted to run my hand over his thick eyelashes, which were slowly lifting upwards as he looked up at me.

His lips curved into a gentle arc.

“Why I didn’t want to show you the photos in Hong Kong.”

“……”

“You still look like you don’t understand?”

He released his arms from my waist and dangled the camera in front of my eyes.

“The gaze of the person taking the photo is all out here. And Seo Yi-hyun, you’re practically a fortune teller when it comes to reading those things. You would have figured it out immediately.”

I couldn’t deny that in Hong Kong, there had been a subtle exchange of glances and tension between us, different from before. But I had only thought of it as a floating atmosphere in the air, insufficient to precisely name it as attraction or interest. Something that would disappear the moment someone else appeared who might pique his interest more….

“Until then, the CEO… wasn’t particularly interested in me….”

“Hmm, would you really leave a party midway just to be with someone you’re not interested in? And at our gallery’s after-party gathering?”

With his free hand, the one not holding a camera, he traced a path down my arm from my shoulder, then overlapped his hand with mine on the back of my hand, interlocking our fingers. He spoke as if it were an impossible scenario.

“When… was that?”

He looked up at me with a resentful expression, then raised our clasped hands and bit down on my knuckles.

“Look at this. I knew you were this indifferent. Ah… I thought you might be like this, so I tried not to get attached.”

How much of what he said, delivered in his feigning-pain tone, was truly sincere? To me, he had been indifferent, but he had thought of me the same way. That’s why he had tried not to get attached.

My chest felt strangely ticklish at the thought of his story, of him being aware of me in a way I hadn’t known, so I squeezed his clasped hand a little tighter.

After a hesitant pause, he tightened his hold around my waist and pressed his cheek against mine.

“The day Choi In-woo, Baek Yuni, and Kwon Juhan, five of us, were drinking at a Spanish pub. Do you remember when Choi In-woo and I went to the gallery?”

“Yes, but back then….”

It had been months ago. I didn’t remember every scene and moment precisely, but his words about being dragged along brought back the image of In-woo Hyung complaining with an aggrieved look.

Back then, I hadn’t paid much attention to whether someone was following someone else or being dragged along.

“Then, what did you really think was the reason I followed you?”

“Well… the after-party was boring… so…”

—I trailed off, my voice fading. Looking back, it was out of character for him. He wasn’t the type to leave a Phantom joint exhibition after-party early just to attend a casual private drinking session.

At the time, I hadn’t had enough information about Phantom’s operating methods or his personality, so I’d let it pass without much thought. But it would have been far more puzzling if In-woo Hyung hadn’t even urged him to leave together.

If his gaze, resting his chin on his hand as he sat in the back of the safari vehicle, watching a weak herbivore outside grazing, a creature that had no influence on him, was actually a skilled shell to cover his interest and exploration. If he had created an opportunity to stand before me because he couldn’t ignore me or keep his distance.

Then perhaps, him knowing my age beforehand, which I had never told him, and asking me various things about me, which seemed to bore him, might not have been meaningless coincidences.

“Ah…”

A dazed exclamation escaped me at the belated realization.

He stretched his neck over my shoulder and turned his face towards mine. His expression seemed to ask if I understood now. I felt shy meeting his eyes again. I lowered my gaze to our clasped hands, which he was fiddling with.

He tossed the camera onto the sofa beside us, turned my body to face him, and brought my hands up to wrap around his waist behind him. Our chests touched, and his lips were at my eye level. I inhaled deeply, greedy for the heavy, rich scent that filled my senses. Even if it wasn’t ‘that scent,’ every fragrance emanating from him seemed to carry a profound eroticism.

He guided my arms to embrace him, then wrapped his own arms around my body. He tilted his head slightly, and his lips brushed against my earlobe, sending a shiver down my spine.

“I can’t say it was to this depth. But it wasn’t an emotion I could ignore. At least… enough to do something unsightly because I was bothered by other men hanging around.”

Had he ever done something unsightly? Or rather, were there even men who tried to appeal to me romantically around me?

The only thing that quickly came to mind was… the evening we visited a bar in Soho after meeting Teacher Suki Kim, and a freckled man from Amsterdam. That man, who had turned back to come to us, had asked if we could exchange email addresses, and he… he, who seemed sharp in such matters, hadn’t excused himself from the private setting but had stayed by my side.

Was he saying that all of that was because he was aware of me?

I unconsciously gripped the fabric of his t-shirt around his waist and slowly shook my head.

“From the moment I first saw a man with a face that looked like he’d just showered, with water droplets about to fall from his fingertips, standing in my gallery’s exhibition hall, you’ve been like a grain of sand in my shoe, bothering me. It’s quite rare for a person to constantly capture my attention, whether positively or negatively… I tried to pretend I wasn’t conscious of it out of pride…”

He released his arms from around me and cupped my cheeks with both hands, meeting my eyes. Under the pale lighting with the lowest color distortion, his blue irises scanned mine. It was a meticulous and earnest gaze, as if searching for any faint traces of the past that might remain within them.

“Even if I let everything else slide… I couldn’t possibly pretend to be okay with other guys hovering around. Whether it was that kid from Amsterdam, or that greasy gallery representative from New York… or even my friends with whom I’ve shown each other our worst sides and grown up together for a long time.”

“……”

Each person he listed was a journey of jealousy he admitted to. And I couldn’t realistically accept everything he was saying so quickly.

“Hmm, you really do have a face that says you knew nothing. Not being sensitive in these matters is one of Seo Yi-hyun’s charms, but… I’m a little scared because it seems like you wouldn’t notice even if someone hit on you. Sometimes there are guys who mistake you not cutting them off as giving them an opportunity.”

I grabbed his wrist as his hand was caressing my cheekbone with his thumb and pulled it down, shaking my head.

“Even if that’s true in Hong Kong… by the time we went to the Spanish pub, it was really early on… No. Back then, you really weren’t interested in me… in fact, you were wary of me…”

Unmoved by my attempt to pull his wrist down, he bent his body closer, peering into my face. His strikingly handsome face, rarely seen in everyday life, possessed a certain power in itself. My voice grew smaller, instinctively shrinking back.

“Why…?”

“Even if it’s only very occasionally, I was thinking about why I don’t find your stubbornness annoying.”

His expression, examining every corner of my face as if it were fascinating, was so serious that I couldn’t laugh.

He released my cheeks and then placed one hand on my head, ruffling my hair.

“Why do you think I kept asking about how things were going with Choi In-woo every time we met? Was I genuinely worried? Why would I worry about someone I wasn’t interested in and was wary of?”

“Ah…”

I, who had just moments ago argued that he clearly wasn’t interested in me back then, had to admit that his explanation was far more logical.

It was true. If he had truly been indifferent to me back then, even hostile, he would have had no reason to worry or be curious about my relationship with In-woo Hyung. He would have likely watched from a distance if I had fallen for a worse temptation and gotten involved in something that ruined me.

He sighed as I let out a sigh of understanding, and he pulled my cheeks apart.

“You make me say everything, don’t you? You don’t let me put on any airs, forcing me to bare everything.”

From a corner of his face, as he playfully pinched my cheeks with a look of utter annoyance, I caught an unexpected glimpse of him being shy about his honest confession of emotions. It was refreshing to see this boyish side of him, who I thought was flexible and adept in all situations, including romance, and who had shown no hesitation even when revealing his jealousy.

He didn’t want to look unsightly in front of the person he liked, but it wasn’t going as planned, and he was upset. The raw freshness of an immature boy flickered beneath his face.

But, even if I didn’t know what kind of facade he had tried to put up in front of me, he had never once seemed uncool in my eyes, so it was an unnecessary worry.

After pinching my cheeks for a while, he gathered my cheek flesh to make a pout and kissed it. Then he glanced up at the wall clock behind me.

“My period of confusion, trying to resist Seo Yi-hyun’s pull, isn’t something to be casually dismissed with passing remarks while standing in front of the sofa, so for today, let’s just leave it at this… I won’t disturb you further. Get back to work.”

No matter what we did, time always flew by when we were together. Turning back to check the clock, I realized nearly an hour had passed since we came down to the studio.

“Can you send me a message before you sleep?”

“I will. But it might be very late…”

I followed him as he ascended the stairs connected to the first floor, gripping the edge of the railing and looking up at him. He smiled and reached out to ruffle my hair.

“Don’t wait up. If you’re sleepy, just go to bed. Don’t worry about me.”

He bent deeply over the railing and cupped my cheeks with his hands, kissing my forehead, the bridge of my nose, and my nose bridge in sequence. Finally, he met my lips. It was a kiss that didn’t involve tongues, just the meeting of our lips, but it sent a light tremor through me.

Alone, I don’t know how late I sketched. The last time I checked the time, it was 11 o’clock, and after that, my sense of time became hazy. As I actually moved my pencil, my plans changed a few times, resulting in three preliminary drafts. After transferring the rough sketch of the confirmed draft onto the canvas, I was completely exhausted.

I barely managed to wash up, change clothes, and crawl into bed. Only then did the sound of light rain tapping outside reach my ears. It wasn’t a heavy rain.

Even though my body and mind felt emptied, a languid state of exhaustion and satisfaction, filled with a sense of fullness, washed over me. I fought my eyelids to send him a message.

Late Friday night. What had he been doing with his time?

Whatever he was doing, the mere consciousness of his presence somewhere in this house gently pulled at the corners of my mouth. My entire body felt loose, as if I had soaked in hot water. I could fall into a deep sleep, feeling a sense of relief. Feeling stable about my own state and my surroundings was a sensation I had long forgotten.

I had felt a similar sensation when we were embracing on the rooftop. If I felt like the king of the world there, it wasn’t because of the view looking down on everything.

I didn’t know when I fell asleep. At some point, consciousness went dark, and much later, the sensation of someone adjusting my pillow and pulling me close, embracing my shoulder, gently stirred the surface of my quiet consciousness.

The studio maintained a preset humidity and temperature, so even in midsummer, if I didn’t cover myself well with a blanket, my body temperature would drop. The warmth of his bare chest against my cooling skin felt pleasant, so I curled up and burrowed into his firm chest right in front of me.

It wasn’t the unfamiliar touch of a stranger. The familiar and comforting scent and warmth made me feel safe. I didn’t even need to open my eyes to confirm who it was.

It might be a dream. I thought this even as I rubbed my forehead against his neck, finding the most comfortable position.

But it didn’t matter if it was a dream now. Even if this was a dream, someone who could give me this much affection and reassurance was waiting for me in the real world. His arms, wrapped around my back, held me gently. His lips touched my forehead. Sleep well. As if waiting for those words, my consciousness sank deep below the surface again after his low whisper.

■ ■ ■

Waking up after a deep, motionless slumber always felt abrupt. It was like being suddenly pushed from one world to another; immediately after waking, I had to take a moment to gather my thoughts about where I was.

“Did you sleep well?”

“……”

Lying on my side, my eyelids slowly blinked downwards towards my chest. At the voice from above me, I lifted my head from the pillow.

“Mmm…”

My voice was hoarse, still tight, and couldn’t produce a smooth sound. My eyes, darting around erratically, seemed to ask how he was here.

I had clearly woken up in my bed downstairs, but at the same time, I was in his bare embrace.

He lay on his side, propped up by two stacked pillows and his own folded arm, facing me. He rested his other arm lightly on my shoulder, his hand caressing my cheek.

“You burrowed in like a mole. I was wondering if I should let you suckle my nipple.”

He chuckled, crouching slightly above me and looking down. Seeing my upper body pressed tightly against his, I realized his words weren’t an exaggeration this time.

“When… how did you get here…”

Still not fully grasping the situation, my questions came out in broken fragments.

“Why didn’t you send the message?”

“I definitely sent it before sleeping…”

I flipped over onto my stomach, propped myself up on my elbows, and fumbled around the pillow for my phone, trying to smooth my disheveled hair. Picking up my phone, which was precariously balanced on the edge of the bed, I unlocked it. The message app immediately popped up.

[I’ll stop working here for today and go to bedddddddd fff]

I must have fallen asleep with my phone in my hand; the message, full of typos, remained unsent in the input field.

“Ah…”

I let out a gasp mixed with dismay, pushing my hair back and tucking it behind my ear. He snatched the phone from my hand, checked the message on the screen, and burst into laughter.

I was slowly starting to regain my senses. His face, smiling as he lay in bed in the morning light, began to come into focus. Moments ago, I had been so flustered by the fact that he was there upon waking that I hadn’t had the mental capacity to properly recognize him. This was the first time I had seen him not in the midst of foreplay, afterplay, or sex, while lying in bed.

“Huh? Don’t… don’t send that.”

I reached out to stop him as his finger clicked on the screen, about to send the unfinished, typo-ridden message, but he leisurely turned his body, evading me.

“It’s a shame to just delete it. Such a cute message should be kept.”

He turned the phone back to me with a satisfied expression as he lay on his back, facing the ceiling. Then, he began to caress my earlobe as I lay beside him.

“Still, it’s a shame. I wish I could have seen Seo Yi-hyun trying so hard to text me even though you were dying of sleep.”

The expressions of affection, which could only be described as love, made my spine tingle from the morning. Starting the day immersed in such affection right after waking up felt… bad for my heart.

“Did we… sleep together? Or did you just arrive a little while ago?”

I gently overlapped my hand with his fingers caressing my earlobe and asked.

“It seemed like the lights went out around 3 AM, and when no message came for a long time after that, I came down to check.”

So, the sensation of someone adjusting my bedding and holding me through the night wasn’t a dream, but him entering the bed? I slid my hand from his, which was covering his, and stroked his arm, with its clearly defined muscles, letting out a voice of regret.

“You should have woken me up…”

“How could I wake someone who fell asleep from working until they collapsed?”

“Still… it’s a shame.”

“……”

His hand, which had been touching my ear, moved to cup my cheek broadly, asking with his eyes what was a shame. His large palm, which could encompass my entire face, always felt pleasant, making me rub my cheek against it like a docile cat or dog.

“It’s the first time we slept together, and I didn’t know…”

His lips curved softly. The affection in his gaze, looking at me lovingly, was more than enough. For someone like me, these were expressions that were perhaps easier to understand and more trustworthy than words.

He gently rubbed the surface of my lips with his thumb and said,

“I’m happy you think that way, but if Seo Yi-hyun had woken up, the probability of failing to sleep together again would have been high.”

Last weekend, on our way home after drinking sake together, he had suggested just sleeping together without sex, but in the end, we hadn’t kept that promise.

It was an unreasonable plan from the start. We had spent a delightful time that day, sharing more special conversations than usual, and the thrilling, sensual tension that had been building between us since the izakaya had reached its peak, making it impossible to feign ignorance of each other’s skin and body heat as we lay side by side and tried to sleep.

As if such a promise had never existed, we rushed into each other’s arms the moment we stepped inside the entryway, starting a deep kiss. It was as if the playful kisses we had shared hidden behind cars in the alley were not enough to satisfy us even a little.

He had already half-undressed me at the entryway. I, too, wanted to see his bare body, so I slipped my hand under his shirt, caressing his shoulders and chest.

If anyone had witnessed us, they would have laughed, asking why we had given in so easily before even reaching the bedroom. That night, we surrendered quickly.

As our certainty in each other’s hearts deepened, my actions in bed became bolder. The shyness stemming from my basic personality still lingered, but nevertheless, I found myself initiating kisses without hesitation, wrapping my arms around him, and no longer feeling embarrassed about spreading my legs or trembling with pleasure.

Another change was that our intimate encounters, once filled with lust, intensity, and sexual stimulation, had now become sweet as well.

The exchange of emotions held immense power, seeming to grant legitimacy to every act we shared. When our lovemaking became not just an outlet for lust but an expression of affection, even a simple kiss felt different from before.

It wasn’t that the desire arose at a time and place where the other person happened to be present. It was because the person was right before my eyes that the desire materialized. That day, too, we were intertwined until the early summer sun began to cast a bluish light.

The next day, I woke up in his bed as usual, but the spot beside me was empty. A note lay on his pillow, stating he had gone to a brunch gathering at the invitation of a VIP client. It was, after all, the first time we had woken up together.

“You were mumbling and burrowing into my arms in your sleep… for a moment, I thought about waking you up,” he said, chuckling and tapping the tip of his nose with his thumb as he rubbed his lips. If he had, I probably wouldn’t have been able to sleep properly due to the tension, but I still regretted not being conscious of the time we spent lying together, trying to sleep.

“After sex… do we really not get to stay together until morning?”

“……”

Seeing the slight tremor in his eyelids, I realized belatedly how foolish my question was and wanted to bury my face in the pillow. As expected, he let out a low chuckle a moment later. This time, he cupped my face with both hands.

“Of course not. As you know, I’ve been quite busy lately… so there are many times I have to leave early in the morning. I have a lot of stamina, but considering how often we’ve been together recently, I do need to pay some attention to my sleep hours.”

His gentle explanation only made my face flush deeper.

“I guess… I’m still not fully awake. I’m sorry for asking something so strange.”

After thoroughly massaging my face as I made excuses, he sat up and lightly kissed my forehead. Then, he leaned his upper body over my prone back, rubbing his nose against my ear.

“I’ll prepare breakfast, so why don’t you tend to the garden for a while?”

It was truly, very… a start to the day that put a great strain on my heart.

■ ■ ■

I want to remember the heat of August, a month that flowed slower and more lazily than ever before, yet left behind clearer imprints than ever, like an ice pop melting into a sticky sweetness.

The August sun beating down on the garden. The arc of a rainbow cast over the stream of water from the Aqua Gun connected to the hose. The chirping of cicadas hanging from the oak tree, symbolizing summer itself. The awareness of being alive, brought by the beads of sweat that began to form on my skin after I took off my t-shirt.

As he had said, the rain overnight must have been very light, because the ground was parched under the fierce sunlight when I went out to the garden. Although August was already halfway through, the heat was still relentless.

With ample sunlight and water, the plants’ leaves were vibrant, even as people melted into puddles from the continuous heatwave. Weeds, too, grew with renewed vigor. After removing the weeds that had already reappeared in just a few days, I connected the hose to the water spigot in a corner of the garden.

Shwaaaaaa.

The sound of the water spraying alone felt like it lowered the surrounding temperature by one or two degrees. I adjusted the direction of the water stream towards the Osmanthus, whose branches I had pruned with clumsy hands, and brought my left hand to the nozzle of the Aqua Gun. The water was cold. The sun, pouring onto my bare shoulders and back, was hot enough to burn me.

Lost in the cicadas’ deafening drone and the sound of water, I brought my chilled left hand to my lips.

Using my thumb and index finger, I gathered and toyed with the flesh of my lower lip. A sensual feeling instantly washed over my skin. Even through my sunglasses, the world before me seemed bleached white by the blinding sunlight, and I thought of his lips.

The intense suction, almost painful, was a reflection of his deep longing for me. Remembering his way of biting and swallowing, I squeezed hard between my thumb and index finger. The cicada’s song seemed to pull my consciousness into a vortex like a swirling lollipop candy. I twisted my lips as if they might burst, drawing blood. I felt like I was getting aroused.

Hmmph, hmmph.

I deliberately let out a fake cough to announce my presence and slowly turned around.

He was leaning against the open doorway, arms crossed, tilting his head and looking at me.

Surprisingly, I felt no shame. For some reason, I wasn’t embarrassed. I kept the Aqua Gun on and didn’t break eye contact with him on the steps.

With a faint smile, he stepped down from the white light, uncrossing his arms. He embraced me from behind, caressing my chest and abdomen, slick with sweat, and rubbed his lips against my ear.

My summer grew a little hotter.

“Since when do you… bite your lips like that when you’re alone?”

“You really surprise people sometimes,” he added, smelling of sweet syrup. I remembered him saying he would bake pancakes with fruit for breakfast.

“If you wanted a kiss, you should have come inside and pounced on me.”

I tilted my head back, accepting his lips as they burrowed into my neck. Two small, nameless birds flew quickly past the top of the tall oak tree. His hands and lips, kissing my neck while caressing my chest, were like the sun.

“Have you always been like this, shirtless in the garden?”

I nodded, placing my hand over his as he stroked the space between my shoulder and upper arm.

“Let me know in advance next time. It’s such a shame to have missed out on something so good until now.”

He kissed the end of my shoulder, where his lips slid down my neck and continued to my arm. He then moved to my side, gently massaging the back of my neck.

“The sunglasses suit you. Though, what wouldn’t?”

I smiled back at him, tapping his cheekbone, and shifted the hose’s direction from the Osmanthus towards the Spirea. The longer stream of water created a larger rainbow arc. The sound of water hitting the Spirea was also slightly different from the Osmanthus.

“I… I think I’ll go to the hospital.”

“……”

His hands, which had been lightly massaging my neck and shoulders, gradually stopped.

“I thought it was just mild gastritis or that I was just sensitive to the heat, so I figured it would pass. But the CEO seems very worried, and honestly, the symptoms aren’t improving… so I’m going to get a check-up. It’s probably nothing serious, but it feels foolish to endure it without any improvement.”

No one had ever worried about me to this extent, and I myself wasn’t particularly fond of eating, so I had never taken my lack of appetite seriously. I had intended to let it pass this time too, to neglect it as usual.

But he, being so attentive, had noticed my symptoms even though I hadn’t mentioned them. The fact that I, the owner of this body, so carelessly neglected it, while someone else cherished it… felt like disrespect towards that person.

Moreover, although I hadn’t fully realized it yet, I also thought that to continue my work as a full-time writer, maintaining a certain level of physical strength and health was part of self-management.

“Next week, I’ll take a little time off during the day… to go…”

After a long silence, I looked back to find him lost in thought, his hand still on my shoulder. His profile, frozen as if he had forgotten to blink, was even more like a sculpture. Elegant and delicate, with an ivory hue, but the rough, wild nature visible behind that thin layer drew me in with an irresistible tension and sexiness.

Expressing the wildness behind elegance, or the elegance that cloaked wildness, was impossible with ordinary skill. He was like a masterpiece born from the hands of a master. At least, that’s how he appeared to me.

Perhaps sensing my admiring gaze, or perhaps having finished his thoughts, he startled, became aware of himself, and turned his head towards me.

“Yes… that’s a good idea. If you’re not feeling well, you should see a doctor. I’ll make an appointment for you with Choi In-woo.”

I hadn’t expected him to suggest going to In-woo Hyung, so my eyes widened slightly without my realizing it.

“He might not look like it, but he’s very thorough with his examinations,” he said, smiling briefly without baring his teeth. Then, with a sudden serious expression, he turned towards me and took another step closer. His large shadow cast half my face in darkness.

Even though he had emerged from his thoughts, his expression remained as if he were still lost in his own world, frozen in time. But he wasn’t ignoring me. It might sound grand, but his face was filled with a longing that seemed to want to pull me into his world and trap me there.

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to my shoulder. His hands, sliding down my arm from my shoulder, caressed my sides, making the head of the Aqua Gun tremble. My other thoughts also wavered and scattered. Haa… A sigh-like moan escaped me.

His hands fumbled from my sides to my back, wrapping around my waist tightly. His lips, which had moved up from my shoulder to my neck, slid along my jawline. I closed my eyes in anticipation and parted my lips.

“Ugh, mmm. Ummm.”

The kiss that immediately enveloped mine was so deep that I dropped the Aqua Gun. The hose, writhing and thrashing like a long eel pulled onto land, soon fell silent, its head drooping onto the grass, letting out water.

I wanted to remember the heat of August, every detail of his kiss that added new sensations to my lips and tongue that I had never known before, and the sweet, sour, hot… and sometimes surprisingly strange taste of the summer days when my first feelings for another person were carefully ripening.

I wanted to remember Lau Wikun, the object of my first and eternal infatuation, the one who becomes the benchmark for all future relationships in a person’s history.