By Zephyria Haa, haa. Haa, haa.
Rough breaths escaped his lips. Before him stood a massive mansion, its lights extinguished. He didn’t know how he’d gotten here. He’d driven mindlessly, and this was where he’d ended up.
Dane stared blankly at the building for a moment before shaking his head hastily. He hurried to knock on the front door, but as expected, there was no response. The silence surrounding him left Dane quite bewildered.
What’s going on? Why isn’t anyone answering? Was I not loud enough?
“Grayson! Grayson Miller! Hey!”
Dane shouted repeatedly, pounding on the door and ringing the bell like mad. But the noise only echoed and disappeared, bringing no answer.
“Haa…”
In the end, Dane clutched his head with both hands and let out a frustrated sigh.
Desire Me if you can
He didn’t know how much time had passed. Dane sat leaning against the front door, endlessly repeating the same thoughts. It was already late at night. The surroundings were filled with deep darkness and utter silence, but he was helplessly sitting on the bare ground, mulling over his thoughts. The image of Grayson being shot kept replaying in his mind.
What happened? How are things unfolding now?
He’d tried calling Joshua, but he didn’t answer. Only then did Dane realize that there was no one else he could ask about Grayson’s well-being. Grayson’s cell phone was completely turned off. He couldn’t find any way to relieve his frustration.
“Agh, shit.”
Unable to suppress the rising anger, he spat out a curse. The image of the bloodied man kept swirling in his mind. No matter how hard he tried to think of something else, he always ended up back where he started. The sight of him soaked in blood, bruised, and covered in wounds, tied to a chair, kept resurfacing, making him increasingly anxious.
Could those guys have done something again?
The guys who had kidnapped Grayson and failed were only a small fraction that had broken away from the organization. The main body of those damn bastards was still intact. They could do anything. They could kidnap Grayson again, shoot him, …kill him.
A chilling imagination sent a shiver down his spine. He swallowed dryly without realizing it.
What if something really happened to him?
His focus blurred, and his hands trembled. Dane wrapped his arms around his head and curled up into a ball.
If that happened, then I…
I…
I… !
“Dane?”
A sudden voice instantly froze him. It was only then that Dane moved. Slowly, he very slowly raised his head. As if afraid he had misheard, as if wanting to prolong the illusion even a little longer if that were the case.
…Ah.
A weak exclamation escaped Dane’s lips. An incredibly tall man entered his wide eyes. The man, wearing a long trench coat befitting his height, had platinum blonde hair that shimmered softly in the dim moonlight. The man’s face, staring back at him with eyes as wide as Dane’s, had no traces of blood or any wounds.
Seeing his face, different from what he had imagined but desperately longed for, Dane couldn’t say anything and just sat there, lost in thought.
two
A cool night breeze brushed past Dane’s cheek. Nevertheless, Dane still stared at the man with dazed eyes. Not even thinking about what his bewildered expression meant.
“Uh…”
Grayson, who also seemed at a loss for words, let out an awkward exclamation, scratched the back of his head, and then spoke first.
“What’s going on? Why are you here…?”
He looked completely clueless. Dane felt the same way. He couldn’t understand why he had rushed all the way here and was acting like this.
But figuring out the reason could wait. Right now, there was something more important that Dane needed to confirm.
“…Are you okay?”
Dane asked, awkwardly getting to his feet. His voice, hoarse and cracked, continued.
“Are you, okay? Are you not hurt? Are you alright?”
The last words were rushed. Grayson was even more dumbfounded by Dane’s pale and anxious questioning.
“Uh… I’m okay. I’m alright…?”
Grayson blinked and asked again.
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?”
He genuinely seemed to have no idea what was going on. Seeing that, Dane felt relieved but also belatedly overwhelmed by a sense of reality and embarrassment.
“On the news.”
After a beat, he added in a hollow voice.
“They said you, were shot.”
“I was?”
Grayson frowned and tilted his head. Only then did Dane realize that he had only seen the word ‘Miller’. He gasped in embarrassment, but it was already too late. Grayson took out his cell phone from his coat pocket and seemed to be looking for something, then frowned.
“Is this what you saw, by any chance?”
Grayson held out his cell phone screen towards Dane. Dane’s face immediately contorted as he looked down to see what it was.
Chase Miller, Shot!
Below the sensational headline, it read:
Chase Miller, who plays the lead role in the new series, ‘Justice in the Dark’. This time as a sniper? Here, he plays a man who is riddled with bullets and dramatically survives to take revenge on a secret government agency…
“Haa…”
Dane sighed deeply in frustration. I was played by a trashy article. The more he thought about it, the more absurd it seemed. To be baited by such a headline and come all the way here to make such a fool of himself. As Dane covered his face with one hand, overwhelmed by self-loathing, Grayson, who had been silent until then, spoke.
“You thought that was me?”
His reaction was one of disbelief. Of course, he thought, but Dane couldn’t help but feel his ears burning as he replied.
“It just said Miller…”
There was no choice. He had to be honest.
“If someone in the Miller family was shot, I naturally thought it would be you.”
At Dane’s words, Grayson gaped as if he couldn’t believe it. Dane tried not to look at his face as he added.
“I thought this day would come someday.”
“…Huh.”
Grayson let out another weak sigh. An awkward silence fell between them. Dane, as if making excuses, revealed the information he had heard from Joshua.
“I heard you’ve been going around apologizing lately…”
“So, you thought someone would shoot me?”
His words sounded somewhat bitter. Unable to say yes, Dane remained silent, and Grayson asked.
“Why would I be here if I got shot in the first place? I’d be in the hospital.”
Ah, Dane belatedly realized. Before he could even feel pathetic about how stupid he had been, Grayson made a joke.
“Or at a funeral home.”
Haha, he laughed as always. He thought it was quite a funny joke himself. He expected Dane to laugh along, but he was wrong.
Dane was staring at him again, pale as a sheet.
“Haha… ha…”
Grayson’s laughter gradually subsided, and silence returned. The two looked at each other again without saying a word. Unable to bear the awkward silence, Dane spoke first.
“So, you’re back from the East Coast now?”
Grayson nodded in response to the question, which he asked based on his attire and Joshua’s story.
“It’s colder there than here.”
The conversation died again. Grayson, illuminated by the streetlights in front of the mansion, looked noticeably thinner and more haggard. His complexion was pale, and he even looked somewhat depressed.
“Are you okay?”
Dane asked without realizing it. It was a different meaning than before, but Grayson noticed it too.
“I’m not okay.”
He burst out laughing again. Dane was momentarily taken aback by the rather loud laughter, different from before. Still smiling, Grayson said.
“So, just go now, or I might pounce on you this time.”
He then added calmly.
“Next time, don’t come even if I’m dead.”
Dane said nothing. He just silently stared at Grayson’s face, then turned and took a step. He could feel the gaze fixed on his back as he headed towards the car he had parked haphazardly some distance away. It continued even after he got into the car and left the place.
On and on.
But Dane never looked back.
187 – 187
“Wow! Congratulations!”
“Congrats, DeAndre! You finally did it!”
Amidst the cheers, the bride and groom smiled brightly and waved. A couple born within the fire station—what a joyous occasion! Especially since the other half was Valentina. DeAndre had burned with such passion for her, so while everyone congratulated him, they still found it hard to believe.
“It actually happened.”
Someone muttered while clapping, and another chimed in.
“DeAndre apparently got down on his knees and begged.”
“Just his knees? There’d be a whole line of guys willing to crawl if it meant marrying Valentina.”
“Didn’t Valentina used to dislike DeAndre?”
“DeAndre almost died that one time, and he changed a lot after that.”
“That guy, if there’s a puddle in front of Valentina, he’d probably lie down in it. Like, ‘Please, step on me, my queen.’”
Ignoring the whispers of his colleagues, Dane listlessly offered a soulless applause.
Attending other people’s weddings had happened often. Of course, weddings were a once-in-a-lifetime event only for those involved; to others, they were merely social activities to maintain relationships. After all, a wedding was just a ceremony where a loving couple announced their love to the world and vowed to spend their lives together. For Dane, it was a place where the two words furthest from his reality, ‘marriage’ and ‘love,’ were constantly thrown around, so it was only natural that he found it uninteresting.
At least until now, he had been able to alleviate the boredom by secretly enjoying himself with like-minded guests. But even that was gone now. He had hastily bought an ill-fitting ready-made suit and put it on, placing one hand in his pants pocket and lifting a champagne glass to his lips with the other. He could only hope that this tedious time would end soon.
“Valentina looks beautiful,”
Someone murmured. She had always been a beauty, but today she shone even more exceptionally. Watching Valentina, who seemed to hold all the happiness in the world, Dane silently emptied his champagne glass. As he placed the empty glass on the table, Wilkins, who was standing next to him, said,
“DeAndre looks happy, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, well.”
Dane replied, still indifferent. He wasn’t really interested. He was only here out of obligation. Wilkins misunderstood his reaction.
“Doesn’t seeing something like this make you want to get married and settle down soon?”
“Not at all.”
Dane immediately denied the probing question.
“Who knows, they might get married today and divorced tomorrow.”
“……”
“Not that I’m saying DeAndre will.”
Realizing he had made a mistake, Dane quickly added. Wilkins, who had been silent for a moment, cleared his throat.
“Being too negative isn’t good either.”
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
Dane apologized, but again, there was no sincerity in his voice. Wilkins, who had been quietly watching the newly married couple dance while sipping his champagne, opened his mouth.
“He seems to be living quite steadily these days.”
“Just happened that way.”
Wilkins glanced at him, who was still answering perfunctorily, and continued.
“I’m glad he seems to have come to his senses now. You can’t live so dissolutely forever.”
“That’s right.”
He had been hearing these words for almost his entire life. As Dane gave a lip-service answer, Wilkins paused for a moment before casually throwing out a suggestion.
“I was thinking of introducing you to my daughter.”
Dane, who was about to drink his champagne, stopped moving. He only rolled his eyes to the side, and Wilkins continued, his eyes fixed on the DeAndre couple.
“Well, as long as you don’t go out at night, you’re a decent guy. And you’ve corrected that bad habit now, so I was wondering if you’d like to meet her…”
“Team leader, I…”
“Ah, don’t feel pressured.”
Wilkins raised a hand to stop Dane, who was about to reply. When Dane reluctantly stopped, Wilkins spoke instead.
“I’m just saying you should meet her. Don’t think too hard about it, everyone starts that way, right? You need to have a serious relationship.”
Dane said nothing to Wilkins’ advice. He just stared at Wilkins with empty eyes, as if his soul had left his body.
“Thank you for the offer, but I’m fine.”
He refused politely in a low voice. But Wilkins didn’t back down.
“Look over there, Dane.”
He pointed to DeAndre and Valentina. Their faces, smiling at each other, were full of affection.
“How good does that look? You need someone like that too. Even if it doesn’t necessarily lead to marriage, how empty is a life of just repeating one-night stands?”
Dane stared silently at the newly married couple. A perfect embodiment of happiness that no one would doubt. Full of love for each other….
A short sigh escaped his lips. Exhaling a breath full of self-mockery, he replied in a low voice.
“I can’t, I can’t.”
Wilkins looked at him, seemingly embarrassed. But Dane, with a bitter face, turned to the couple and said.
“Someone like me can’t, I’m sorry.”
“Hey……”
Wilkins was about to say more, but he saw DeAndre approaching him. Dane didn’t miss the opportunity and slipped back, moving away from them. As DeAndre spoke to Wilkins, he turned his back and quietly left the scene.
The noisy sounds slowly fade away. The surroundings are quiet. Dane stood alone and raised his head. The deep blue sky spread out emptily. He took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, and slowly inhaled the smoke. Her bloodshot eyes, constantly pouring curses at him, still vividly came to mind as if it were just yesterday.
I’m hopeless. From the start.
Dane looked into the distance and exhaled a long stream of smoke. The face of a completely different man overlapped with her face. Even the bright voice that called out to him.
‘Dane, I love you.’
‘Dane, Dane.’
‘Dane…….’
“……Ha.”
He covered his eyes with the hand holding the cigarette. His fingertips tingled and a corner of his chest seemed to ache, but it must be a delusion. I wasn’t wrong.
‘Love isn’t like that.’
The image of a man soaked in tears revives. No, he had never forgotten a single moment from that day until now. Every word he said, every phrase.
It remains so vividly in my heart.
‘Love can’t be this ugly.’
Yes, you’re right.
Dane recalled with a desolate face. Love isn’t like that. So you shouldn’t love me. Because I won’t be able to make you happy.
‘Next time, don’t come even if I’m dead.’
How could someone like me love anyone? I’ll only cause others pain.
Moist eyes look at him. I’ll probably suffer, remembering that face for the rest of my life.
It was the right thing to do.
He stood in the same spot, ruminating on his thoughts.
It was the right thing to do, I did.
Very…….
Desire Me if you can
……I must have done the right thing.
Dane blankly recalled. A blurry light shone in his hazy vision. Blink, blink. He closed and opened his eyes, but the flashing light appeared and disappeared regardless.
Huh……?
Dane still recalled with half of his consciousness gone. Where am I right now……?
Somewhere, there was a tremendous noise, like a roar. Acrid smoke filled the air. The sound of something constantly burning and falling continued irregularly. He stood still for a moment, listening. As he gradually regained his senses, he began to realize reality.
Ah.
He soon realized. That he was lying down.
In the middle of a building engulfed in flames after a bomb exploded.