By Zephyria 
“Aren’t you tired?”
“I’m so nervous that I don’t even realize if I am.”
“Hmm. My feelings are complicated.”
“Why?”
“Seeing you this nervous about going to meet another man.”
“What do you mean, another man? It’s My acquaintance, Hyung.”
Choi Hong-seo shook his head with a laugh, as if the suggestion were absurd.
“Is Ji-in not a man?”
“Just say ‘someone else.’ Calling him ‘another man’ makes it sound weird for some reason.”
Suddenly, Lee Hae-sung found this moment enjoyable. Being able to bicker over nothing was peace. It was a peace he had fought so hard to achieve. No one could threaten this peace. He wouldn’t let them. Even if it were Jeong Ji-in, the man Choi Hong-seo liked so much.
While holding Lee Hae-sung’s right hand, Choi Hong-seo toyed with the fingertips of Hae-sung’s hand with his left. He was more physically affectionate than usual. Watching those ticklish movements, Lee Hae-sung called his lover’s name in a calm voice.
“Hong-seo.”
“Yes.”
“Were you this nervous when you used to meet me?”
“……”
“Then again, you were stiff even when you asked for a home date.”
“That’s because it was my first time going to Hyung’s house. Of course I was nervous.”
“You looked less like someone coming for a date and more like someone who had been dragged there against their will… I felt bad for you. Even though I knew, I pretended not to and pushed things the way I wanted.”
“Is that what happened?”
Choi Hong-seo asked with wide eyes, belatedly discovering Lee Hae-sung’s ulterior motives.
“Because I felt that if I didn’t do that, you might find my attention burdensome and drift away.”
Lee Hae-sung gave a thin smile that left a somewhat lonely aftertaste. His words were true. However, the reason he added such a pained expression was to confirm Choi Hong-seo’s affection. Even though he knew it was a bad habit, it wasn’t easy to fix. It was more addictive than cigarettes.
Just as Lee Hae-sung expected, the look in Choi Hong-seo’s eyes shifted instantly. For a moment, he forgot the tension caused by Jeong Ji-in and focused his full attention solely on the person in front of him.
Lee Hae-sung knew this look. In this world, only ‘Choi Hong-seo’ could look at him this way. He seemed like a younger partner who was intimidated and flustered, yet when it came to expressing affection, he was a child who was clear to the point of being provocative. He had none of that cunningness that tries to push and pull with a calculating attitude… In fact, he had found me burdensome.
“When my schedule ended, I was so tired I felt like my body was breaking. But the moment I heard the ‘Vice President’ was waiting, I suddenly became energetic again.”
“……”
Lee Hae-sung, who had been leaning his head languidly against the headrest, slowly straightened his posture.
“My heart would race as if I’d drunk several Venti coffees.”
While fiddling with the tips of Lee Hae-sung’s nails in their locked hands, Choi Hong-seo softly revealed emotions that Lee Hae-sung hadn’t known about.
“I know it wasn’t a time to be in a relationship. Still, whenever I met the ‘Vice President,’ I could forget everything.”
Choi Hong-seo, who had been looking down at Lee Hae-sung’s hand, looked up. Then he spoke.
“The ‘Vice President’ was like magic.”
While talking about that terrible period, he smiled innocently, like a boy witnessing a magical miracle before his eyes. That made Lee Hae-sung’s heart ache even more. To a child like this… to my precious child…
Rather than a confession that his time with him had been like magic, Lee Hae-sung’s face distorted in pain, as if he had just been told to break up.
Don’t do that. There’s no need for that. Choi Hong-seo smiled. It was a smile without a shadow. He reached out and caressed Lee Hae-sung’s face.
“Why are you making that face? To me, it’s the only happy memory I have.”
Lee Hae-sung grabbed Choi Hong-seo’s hand that was touching his cheek. He gripped it so tightly that his bones throbbed.
Meanwhile, the sedan was crossing the Pont Neuf and entering the 6th arrondissement. As the vehicle turned onto Rue Saint-Michel, it noticeably slowed down and then turned onto another road at a roundabout.
“Vice Chairman, it is the building right ahead.”
The two looked toward the front right, where the attendant was pointing. The five-story Haussmann-style building, with a bistro on the first floor—or the ground floor in French style—was separated from the Luxembourg Gardens by a single road.
Jeong Ji-in and Yi-han lived together on the top floor of that building.
Unbuckling his seatbelt, Choi Hong-seo sat close to Lee Hae-sung and looked up at the building through the window.
His two hands, which were not just gripping Lee Hae-sung’s arm but almost wringing it, had considerable strength. It was painful on the skin, but Lee Hae-sung did not complain. He didn’t even urge him to get out now that they had arrived.
“How about having some tea at the cafe? I want to be alone with you for a moment.”
At Lee Hae-sung’s instruction, the attendants in the driver’s and passenger’s seats got out of the car. Dressed in neat smart-casual attire, they walked slowly toward the bistro on the ground floor.
The two of them spent a few moments sitting side by side, shoulders touching, in the back seat of the sedan. People enjoying spring while drinking wine and coffee at open-air tables, a couple walking their dog, a man walking briskly with a baby carrier and a shopping bag over his shoulder, and a middle-aged woman in sportswear jogging lightly into the park.
Looking at the exotic and peaceful scenery outside the window, they simply leaned on each other in silence. Then, Lee Hae-sung was the first to break the silence.
“Shall we just go back?”
“…What?”
Because Lee Hae-sung’s remark was so unexpected, Choi Hong-seo straightened his body from leaning on him.
“I can just make an excuse, like I suddenly felt unwell or an urgent matter came up that needs to be handled.”
“……”
“You don’t necessarily have to meet him while being this stressed.”
“What’s wrong? Is there something I don’t know?”
Choi Hong-seo asked cautiously in a worried tone. Lee Hae-sung shook his head.
“There’s nothing like that. I just feel bad because you’re so nervous. I’m a bit overprotective.”
It was a lie. At least, he didn’t tell him everything.
Lee Hae-sung toyed with Choi Hong-seo’s hair. The meticulously managed hair felt pleasantly silky and flowed like a wave through his fingers. It was fitting for Choi Hong-seo, who was called the ultimate king of self-care in the idol world and often introduced his self-care methods in various media.
What are the odds that Jeong Ji-in would realize Hyeon-seo is actually Choi Hong-seo? Lee Hae-sung pondered. It was likely close to zero. The most optimistic scenario would be Choi Hong-seo building a new friendship with Jeong Ji-in as Hyeon-seo.
But what if a miracle happened?
What if Jeong Ji-in suspected that Hyeon-seo was actually Choi Hong-seo, and eventually decided to believe it?
Rather than wishing for such a miracle to happen, he felt he wished it wouldn’t. Lee Hae-sung couldn’t bring himself to confess this to his lover.
A secret even more incredible than the fact that Lee Hae-sung and Hyeon-seo were lovers. The secret that Hyeon-seo was actually Choi Hong-seo. A dark, greedy desire for exclusivity lurked within him, wishing that this would remain a secret between the two of them forever.
In a world where only I know your secret, you must be lonely.
This was the true ulterior motive. A dark, dark, dark heart.
“Choi Hong-seo.”
“Yes.”
“Hong-seo-ssi.”
“Yes.”
Choi Hong-seo answered with a hint of a smile in his voice.
“My Baby.”
“…Yes.”
This time, the smile vanished.
“In this life, I hope you don’t have any scars. Because… you were in a lot of pain before.”
“……”
“I think you were sent to me once more so that I could compensate you for all that pain. That’s what I think, no matter what anyone says.”
“I know how you feel, Ajusshi.”
Choi Hong-seo nodded and took Lee Hae-sung’s hand. The large hand, with its wide and thick palm, felt heavy, as if it weren’t a hand at all.
“But I’m not who I was back then anymore.”
“……”
“Now, no one can hurt me. No one except Lee Hae-sung.”
Interlocking his fingers firmly with Lee Hae-sung’s, Choi Hong-seo looked up at his lover.
“So don’t worry about me getting hurt.”
Choi Hong-seo leaned his temple against Lee Hae-sung’s shoulder. Lee Hae-sung wrapped his arm around the body leaning into him and buried his lips in the fragrant hair.
Only after about twenty minutes of being parked by the roadside did the two finally step out of the sedan.