1.2 – Together Until Morning

The street where various forms of entertainment establishments—karaoke rooms, host bars, talk rooms—were gathered flashed brilliantly despite it being past midnight.

Signs adorned with noisy neon lights were hung densely on every building, to the point where, with a bit of exaggeration, the walls of the buildings were invisible.

The taxi slowly maneuvered through the drunkards. I wanted to get out because the speed was slower than walking, but in a street like this, it could be troublesome if someone recognized me.

From the point where the number of signs thinned and the artificial lights of the neon signs were gradually swallowed by the darkness, it was a residential area. Even calling it a residential area wasn’t quite right; it was a region mostly consisting of studio or two-room multi-family houses where establishment employees resided.

I spotted a familiar silhouette being held by a strange man in front of a raw fish restaurant. Confirming it was Ga-yoon, I hurried out of the taxi.

The air was humid. I pulled the brim of my baseball cap deeper and quickened my pace.

“Ga-yoon.”

“Oppa.”

As I approached, I saw a crude flyer in Ga-yoon’s hand. Dozens of similar flyers were scattered on the ground.

“Noona, the sizes of the guys at our place are guaranteed. Celebrity level! You definitely won’t regret it! If you look for me, I’ll definitely give you a discount on the TC. Please just stop by once. Please!”

The man, who glanced toward me, stuffed his business card into Ga-yoon’s handbag and hurried away. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to recognize me.

“What was that?”

“Ah, it’s nothing. Just a host bar soliciting customers.”

Ga-yoon looked down at the flyer forced into her hand with a troubled expression and pushed it into her bag.

“I think it’s a place that just opened. He followed me all the way from the entrance of the alley.”

I glanced back. A man who looked to be in his early twenties was walking toward the inside of the flashy alley I had just passed, continuing to scatter flyers on the ground.

“Do host bars operate from this time these days?”

“……”

When I turned my head back, Ga-yoon was looking up at me with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I just thought you’ve come to know the situation of this industry now, Oppa.”

“I’ve heard things over time. It’s been years since I started coming in and out of this alley to eat.”

When I first started frequenting this alley, host bars were rare enough to be counted on one hand. Even then, since most of the customers were girls from surrounding entertainment establishments, host bars started operating around 4 or 5 AM to match their clock-out time.

In a few years, it had become easy to find host bar signs like ‘Queen,’ ‘Noona Era,’ or ‘Juliet’ even on this street. Rather, competition had become so fierce that some establishments were closing due to operational difficulties. It wasn’t a new rumor in this alley that there were too many host bars operating compared to the demand.

Ga-yoon and I turned the corner past a shabby supermarket. Although we had only gone down about 50 meters, the alley was dark and quiet, like any other residential area at dawn. It made sense. It was the time when most residents would be at their workplaces.

The sign with the word engraved on it, visible in the distance, still had its lights off.

The place, with its entire exterior wall and entrance finished in wood without a single window, was an ordinary restaurant despite its suspicious appearance. It was just a bit unusual that it was a late-night restaurant that opened at 3 AM and closed at 10 AM.

Ga-yoon took the lead and pulled the door.

As soon as we entered, the subtle scent of samgyetang stimulated our appetite.

“Why did you two come together?”

Jae-woo, who had arrived first and was helping with the opening preparations inside the counter, greeted us.

“We met just in front. The smell of samgyetang is so good! Where’s my Oppa?”

“You arrived just in time. Sit down quickly. The food is ready.”

As soon as Ga-yoon spoke, Tae-yoon, wearing an apron, came out from the inner kitchen carrying a large pot. At Tae-yoon’s unchanging habit of rushing meal preparations without even a greeting, I smiled and pulled out a chair in front of the counter.

Ga-yoon, her brother Tae-yoon, and I had all attended the same international school in Italy. The two of them had transferred to the school I was attending, and we had been best friends for three to four years until their father suffered a major business failure and returned to Korea.

It wasn’t that we had continued our relationship after that. A few months after my debut, Tae-yoon had contacted my agency first.

When I heard that someone who claimed to know me had left their phone number, I felt as if my heart had stopped. After checking the name on the note, I couldn’t tell if I was disappointed or relieved. What was certain, however, was that I was genuinely happy when I heard Tae-yoon’s voice over the phone.

“Hey, you heartless bastard. Am I supposed to find out you’re back in Korea through the TV?”

Those were Tae-yoon’s first words.

In the restaurant, which was barely ten pyeong in size, the only seating available for customers was a U-shaped counter. It was a layout chosen so that Tae-yoon could operate it efficiently on his own. The primary customers were, of course, those working in the nearby entertainment industry. Despite this, the did not sell alcohol. This was a business philosophy Tae-yoon had stubbornly adhered to for several years.

As soon as the three of us sat down side by side, the food was served. Inside a ceramic bowl as large as a cold noodle bowl, there was a whole chicken. It was typical of Tae-yoon’s generous nature.

“Why did you prepare something so grand? Samgyetang must have taken a long time.”

“I simmered it in a pot for an hour. You have to eat something made with sincerity to pass an audition. Eat up. I’ll make some porridge for you once you’re finished.”

Tae-yoon’s touch was meticulous as he served a brimming bowl of rice and salted pollack roe on the side.

Looking at life as a whole, three or four years might not have been a very long time. However, perhaps because we had spent our most sensitive years together, it didn’t feel awkward even though I was reuniting with Tae-yoon after nearly ten years. He was exactly as he used to be—bold and unrestrained, honest about his desires and emotions, a great conversationalist, and full of affection—so there was no sense of dissonance.

Worrying that I wouldn’t eat properly given my profession, Tae-yoon often called me to the shop and cooked for me before opening. Ga-yoon, who had been working as the youngest coordinator for two years without a promotion at a famous stylist’s office, eventually joined our agency. After Ga-yoon and Jae-woo became close, the three of us began frequenting the together.

“If you pass tomorrow’s audition, Hyung, you’ll be a Hallyu star. That would make you the second Hallyu star in our company. Your hardships will finally be over.”

Jae-woo spoke in an excited voice, twisting off a large chicken leg with his hand.

“Why the second?”

“Hong-seo and you, Hyung.”

“There’s also Seonbae Kim Yu-min.”

Jae-woo, who had been chewing with a mouthful of succulent chicken leg, immediately frowned.

“Why include someone who left for another company? Our company didn’t even benefit from him after he became successful.”

Jae-woo spent a long time cursing that Seonbae, wondering how he could just abandon the company that had supported and raised him since his unknown days. Even so, the speed at which he emptied his samgyetang did not slow down.

Watching him eat with gusto made me feel warm, and I too dipped a piece of meat in salt and put it in my mouth. The meat, which had been simmered for an hour, was clean-tasting and neither tough nor dry.

“Come to think of it, it’s become hard to see Choi Hong-seo’s face lately. That guy really did blow up, huh?”

Tae-yoon, who was finishing the opening preparations behind the counter, chuckled while chopping. Before Hong-seo and ‘Layered’ became as busy as they are now, I had brought Hong-seo to the a few times, so he was acquainted with Tae-yoon.

“Yeah, he blew up. Even though we live in the same house, it’s hard to see him. These days, they just close their eyes for an hour or two and then leave. When was the last time I saw him…”

I had only heard the sounds of him coming home in a daze and moving between the room and the bathroom; I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually seen his face and had a conversation in the recent past.

Including the four members of Layered, including Hong-seo, myself, and another actor from the agency, Hyung-soo—a total of six people were living in a dormitory on the second floor of a multi-unit house. It had been four years of living crowded together in a place with three rooms and one bathroom. Until just a few months ago, we had to shower two at a time if our schedules overlapped, but lately, it felt as if only Hyung-soo, who shares a room with me, and I were the ones living there.

“Even now, they’re in Bangkok for a fan meeting. While they’re there, they’re appearing on a few shows, doing magazine interviews, and as soon as they return the day after tomorrow, Hong-seo has to go straight to Director Kang Woo-hyun’s party…”

As Jae-woo listed Layered’s schedule while staring into space, he turned back to me as if remembering something.

“Hyung, you’ll see Hong-seo there. At Director Kang’s party.”

Before I knew it, a pile of chicken bones had accumulated in front of Jae-woo. I felt like I had been moving my chopsticks quite diligently, but my bowl was still less than half empty. Taking advantage of the moment Tae-yoon wasn’t looking, I tore off a bit of my meat and put it in Jae-woo’s bowl.

“About that party. Am I really invited?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean… what if I wasn’t actually invited, and the CEO is just trying to drag me along?”

Blinking his monolid eyes slowly, Jae-woo shook his head and spoke firmly.

“Come on, is the CEO the kind of person to do that? If he were, our company would have grown much larger a long time ago.”

“If you’ve finished yours, that’s enough. Why are you eyeing someone else’s? Aren’t you going to lose weight?”

Tae-yoon, noticing that Jae-woo’s bowl had been refilled, glared from across the counter. Jae-woo protested unfairly, claiming that samgyetang is eaten for health and is unrelated to dieting.

“Oppa, about that party—just in case, I asked if sponsorship from Brand L was possible, and they said okay. They said it was fine even after I explained that no promotional photos would be taken and that it’s a private party. It seems there were a lot of inquiries about your outfit during the last Nox Hotel event. I’ll pick up the clothes tomorrow and go to the dorm. After the audition… you’ll be free around 7 PM, right?”

“Good grief, you kids. Let Actor Jeong eat. Are you still talking about work even when you come here to eat?”

At Tae-yoon’s scolding, Jae-woo and Ga-yoon jeered, saying he showed too much favoritism. I smiled moderately while watching the three of them bicker, but my mind wasn’t so bright due to the pressure of the audition.

It was overwhelming to finish a whole chicken, but thinking of Tae-yoon’s sincerity, I diligently chewed and swallowed the meat. As the meal was nearly over, Tae-yoon brought out pretty, colorful glutinous rice cakes.

“These are special desserts for our Actor Jeong. Eat these and ace your audition.”

“When did you prepare these?”

“I bought them. Even if I bought them, you’re still grateful, right?”

“Of course I am.”

“If you’re grateful, pass that audition by any means necessary. What are you going to do with that handsome face and body if not?”

“Oppa, why would you make a joke like that?”

Ga-yoon, who was just about to put a bean-powder-coated rice cake in her mouth, made a face of disgust.

“I’m not saying use them for lobbying… I just don’t understand how someone with that face and body isn’t a top star. Korea’s sense of beauty is strange.”

I laughed awkwardly at Tae-yoon’s complaint and put a yellow sweet pumpkin rice cake in my mouth. Although my mouth watered at the subtle sweetness spreading, strangely, the taste in my mouth remained bitter.

■

Contrary to the weather forecast that predicted heavy showers at this time, the rain was only drizzling. However, it wasn’t something that could be completely ignored. Looking inside the chest-high wall and gauging the distance to the entrance, I eventually decided not to open my umbrella. The taxi that dropped me off left the alley behind me without hesitation.

The place Director Hwang Su-young designated as the audition venue was a detached house in Seoul. It was a building being used as an office, converted by an outsourced production company for . While it was called an outsourced company, rumors said it was practically Director Hwang’s exclusive team.

As I looked around the first-floor hall, which was decorated like a lounge or a cafe, someone approached me, calling my name in a welcoming tone. Saying he had been waiting for me, he immediately guided me to a room on the second floor.

A response came immediately after the knock. The man who led the way reported my arrival. Director Hwang, who was sitting in front of a large table, peeked behind my shoulder and spoke.

“Did you come alone without a manager?”

“Yes.”

“Come in. What would you like to drink? I’ll watch your acting for a bit and then have a short interview, so have something to drink.”

As I stepped into the room, I caught a glimpse of a wine bottle, about two-thirds empty, and a couple of glasses scattered messily on the table. It seemed a few people had been drinking together until a short while ago.

Director Hwang occasionally lifted her glass and sipped the wine. Although it was a bit dark due to the drizzle, it was only around 2 PM, making it a quite early drinking session.

“If cold coffee is available, I’ll have that.”

I felt that a glass of wine might relax my nerves a bit, but I didn’t have the nerve to request wine in this setting.

Director Hwang looked at the man standing behind me with an expression that said, ‘Did you hear?’ Then, she offered me the seat opposite her.

“Sit. This is, well, a room I occasionally drop by to rest. Originally, the writer of and the president of the production company were supposed to see Mr. Jeong Ji-in together today, but since the timing didn’t work out, I’ll be seeing you alone.”

“Yes.”

“Is it okay if I film the audition scene?”

“Yes, of course.”

I nodded, glancing at the camera installed on a small tripod on the table.

The only noticeable furniture in the room was the large table, which looked like it could seat eight people. And unusually, a wine refrigerator was standing in one corner. It was a high-capacity model that could store about 80 bottles. Come to think of it, I seemed to have heard somewhere that Director Hwang Su-young was an avid wine lover.

“But everyone usually brings at least a bottle of wine when they come to see me. Mr. Jeong Ji-in is empty-handed.”

“Ah… I didn’t think of that. I’m sorry.”

Seeing her smirk, it seemed like a joke, but my tension didn’t fade. Even though there were only two people in the room, it felt suffocating, as if there weren’t enough oxygen.

The coffee was prepared quickly. No sooner had I taken a sip or two and set the cup down than Director Hwang gave the signal.

“Shall we start with the acting?”

The script attached by the production company, which included a simple synopsis and the designated audition scene, was about ten pages long. It was a scene where I exchanged lines with the female lead, but the audition proceeded without an assistant to provide the opposite role’s lines. This was a common occurrence.

The acting took less than five minutes. During practice, it had taken an average of 3 minutes and 30 seconds, but now it felt as if not even a minute had passed. I chewed my lower lip in regret, feeling as if the scene had ended without me being able to show anything properly. Even though I had prepared two or three pieces of free acting, I might not get the chance to show them.

I couldn’t read anything from the director’s expression as she tilted her head and gazed at me.

“Good job. Come and sit over here.”

Despite feeling thirsty, it was hard to readily reach for the coffee. My shoulders, stiffened with tension, began to ache. I stared down at the blank back of the paper in Director Hwang’s hand until she spoke, leaning one arm on the table.

“Did you happen to do theater? There’s a bit of a theatrical tone in your acting.”

“Not enough to say I ‘did’ it; it was more at a hobbyist level.”

“In Italy?”

“……Yes.”

At the point the audition was scheduled, the director would have already received materials summarizing the key information about me. The fact that I grew up in Italy wasn’t particularly a secret. I just hadn’t gone around bragging about it.

However, I was a bit surprised by the question about theater. I hadn’t studied theater professionally, nor had I walked the path of a full-fledged stage actor, so any theatrical influence in my acting should have been extremely minimal. Of course, Director Hwang was undoubtedly a top expert in this field, but I didn’t expect her to find those minimal traces.

Criticisms that I could only pull off the role of a sophisticated city man, that my voice was merely soft and lacked power, and even that my acting was too stable and thus boring were common on the internet, but there had never been a mention of a theatrical tone in my acting until now.

“If you’ve seen the synopsis, you’ll know it’s a very important role. That’s partly why it hasn’t been cast yet. There has to be an actor who satisfies my standards.”

Director Hwang poured wine into her glass and continued after taking a sip of the dark red liquid.

“It’s a tragic character who creates tension among the leads and meets death at the end, so it should practically be viewed as a lead role. Since he interferes between the female and male leads, he’ll be hated at first. But the viewers must gradually empathize with such a character, and in the end, they must truly relate to and feel pity for him. The success or failure of this work depends on that.”

The director lightly swirled her glass a couple of times and then poured a fairly large amount of wine into her mouth at once.

‘I’m absolutely confident,’ ‘If you just leave it to me, I can do it’… such boldness was essential in auditions. The company had advised me to do so, and I had behaved that way during my unknown days. But for some reason, such glib words wouldn’t come out in front of Director Hwang.

“Are you confident you won’t cause any problems during the production? Looking at your record, it’s been clean so far.”

At the director’s question, that man’s face momentarily came to mind. The nights we were entwined like beasts in Bangkok, and the face that calmly asked, ‘You’re a prey, right?’ But he was someone I would never be entwined with again. Shaking the man’s face out of my head, I looked the director straight in the eyes.

“Yes, I am confident in that much. You don’t have to worry.”

“Hmm, everyone says that. And then they date, and then they drink and drive, and then…”

Trailing off, Director Hwang put down the paper she had been holding. The way she leaned loosely against the backrest gave me the feeling that she no longer had any business with me. My mouth grew even drier.

Unable to bear the thirst any longer, just as I was about to reach for the glass of coffee, the director tossed out one more question.

“I think theater would suit you better; why did you come to TV?”

“……”

Mr. Jeong Ji-in, you’re actually not even interested in TV acting, are you? — It felt as if I had heard those words. My hand, which had been about to drink the coffee, stopped awkwardly in bewilderment at having my inner thoughts completely penetrated. My face flushed.

It might have been a thoughtless remark on her part, but for the listener, it was nerve-wracking. No, in fact, there probably wasn’t a single word that had come out of her mouth without thought since I entered this room. Everything might be a test.

What would be the correct answer to pass the audition? I racked my brain quickly, but no plausible, wise answer to escape the momentary crisis came to mind.

Looking into her silent eyes, I spoke with difficulty.

“…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I think several reasons were complexly intertwined, but I didn’t make the decision while being conscious of those reasons.”

“Then can you tell me even one of those complex reasons?”

“I… thought that if my face appeared on TV… someone might recognize me and find me.”

That was the best honesty I could show her as I am now.

After staring at me in silence for a long time, the director let out a long breath and nodded. I couldn’t tell if it was an acknowledgment that she liked my answer.

“If you were bad at acting, I could just teach you… Your vocalization is good, your pronunciation is good, and your face is even better… But what should I do about the fact that no impression remains in your acting? You didn’t act like that in , so why are you gradually…”

Letting out a long sigh, the director poured the remaining wine from the bottle into her glass.

“An 80 obtained by a student who could get 100 but did just enough, and an 80 obtained by a 50-point student who worked their heart out—those have different values. You said you’d prepare diligently, but I’ve wasted my time.”

The director picked up her glass and stood up without hesitation. Walking toward the window, she picked up a pack of cigarettes that had been resting on the windowsill. I had to say something.

“I… have never thought of myself as a student who could get 100.”

“Really? That’s not humility; rather, isn’t it that you weren’t that desperate for 100?”

Muttering with a cigarette in her mouth, Director Hwang opened the window.

I couldn’t say anything.

Swoosh, the heavy shower the weather forecast had mentioned was finally pouring down refreshingly.

■

The area nestled between the ridges of Bukhansan was a traditional wealthy neighborhood in Seoul. As one got closer to the summit, the scale of the houses grew larger, and the distance between the walls increased. Nature was so close that it was hard to believe it was only 20 to 30 minutes away from the city center.

The atmosphere here, distinct from other parts of Seoul, reminded me of my hometown. Although the architectural styles were markedly different, the sight of houses scattered along the hills blending with nature was enough to bring home to mind. Perhaps it was because I missed it that much.

My hometown, Paelli, a resort area near the metropolis of Naples, had a clear separation between the activity zones of locals and tourists. Since it wasn’t a globally renowned destination like Positano or Capri, most of the vacationers were Europeans, including Italians.

While southern Greek resorts still saw a fair amount of tourists until early October, the flow of people to Paelli almost completely dried up after August. Once that happened, it returned to being a quiet rural village until April of the following year.

Right now, it would be the peak of the busy season. In a phone call a few days ago, Yui had complained that the reservations were packed day after day without a moment’s rest.

My younger sister, Yui, worked in the kitchen of the restaurant at the hotel run by our mother. Yui, who had been at the bottom of the kitchen hierarchy when I left, had since reached her sixth year and was now a first-class chef in the grill section.

“Hyung, they say Hong-seo has arrived too. You can just head down with him in the CEO’s car.”

Lost in thoughts of home while staring out the window, I straightened up at the sound of Jae-woo’s voice.

“Wow… that’s not a house, it’s a palace. They say his movies don’t even do that well at the box office, so how on earth did he make this much money?”

Jae-woo, lying flat across the steering wheel, muttered as he looked up at the upper part of the building visible over the high walls.

In front of Director Kang Woo-hyun’s residence, a line of cars transporting invited guests waited. Most of the people had arrived in cars driven by someone else. Thanks to that, it didn’t take long for our turn to come.

“Hyung, go take some pictures for me. I wonder what the inside of a house like that even looks like. Ah, no. I can’t have our actor looking uncool by doing that again. Just tell me about it later.”

Whether he was genuinely curious about the interior or not, Jae-woo kept peeking out the window with eyes full of curiosity.

The car stopped at the position indicated by the parking attendant, and a doorman opened the door from the outside. Although the venue was a private residence, it was clear that this was not just a small dinner party or a simple cocktail gathering.

“I’m clocking out first, Hyung! Good luck!”

I waved my hand to Jae-woo behind me and stepped out of the car.

The area in front of the wide-open main gate was crowded with guests gathered in groups, exchanging greetings. In the midst of them, it wasn’t difficult to spot Hong-seo.

Dressed in a suit that looked more dignified and prudent than the trendy, fashionable idol style, Hong-seo was surrounded by people. While celebrities weren’t a rare sight for people who frequented these kinds of parties, it was a different story if it was a currently popular star.

My eyes met Hong-seo’s, who was busy taking photos with the people surrounding him one by one. When I pointed to the left pillar of the gate with my finger, he gave a short nod.

It was heartwarming to watch Hong-seo’s recent trajectory of success. The self-made success story of someone who worked silently and finally grasped success was a theme still loved everywhere in the world, and I was one of those people who liked such stories.

As I watched Hong-seo respond with sincerity to every single photo, smiling brightly despite his slightly tired face, I discovered an unexpected person over Hong-seo’s shoulder.

“……”

A familiar face was stepping out of a large sedan that had just arrived at the entrance.

The man, fastening the button of his open jacket as he stepped onto the sidewalk, was the man from the Nox Hotel—that is, the man from Bangkok. I unconsciously swallowed hard. I was cautious even about that, as if the sound might be heard by him.

Another man of similar build stepped out from the passenger seat, and a woman in a chic evening dress appeared from the front seat. For people attending a party, all three of them had serious expressions.

Wearing a black suit with velvet decoration only on the lapels so as not to look too solemn, he was very sleek and polished. Seeing the glances people were stealing at him, it seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking so.

There was no need to struggle to make eye contact, or to avoid it. Since there was only one path to the entrance, we were naturally bound to lock eyes as he walked toward the gate.

“…arriving… before 11… just greetings…”

The distance closed enough that I could hear fragments of his voice as he said something to his companions. The man’s voice slowed down upon discovering me. The heavy-beat lounge music drifting from beyond the gate vibrated within my pulse.

“Mr. Jeong Ji-in, could we take a photo together?”

An unfamiliar voice snapped me back to attention. Shifting my gaze toward the sound, I found a group of middle-aged women surrounding me with flushed faces.

“Yes, of course.”

“These are my friends, so I’d like us all to take one together…”

The woman, looking around for someone to ask to take the photo, grabbed a woman in a black evening dress who happened to be passing by. She was part of his party. Ah… an exclamation like a sigh escaped my lips unconsciously.

“I’m sorry, but could you take a photo for us? This person is an actor I’ve always loved.”

“Yes, certainly.”

She stopped in her tracks and readily agreed to the request, taking the phone.

Even after lining up for the shot, the women who requested the photo caused a brief commotion around me.

“How can someone be this handsome? I met Jo Woo-min last week, but Mr. Jeong Ji-in is much more handsome!”

“See, I told you the most handsome man in Korea is Jeong Ji-in.”

Then they swapped places where they were linking arms with me and took another photo.

During that time, he stood behind his companion who was taking the photos and watched me. Because of that gaze, the mere one or two minutes felt like an ordeal.

With his hands thrust into his pants pockets, the eyes with which he looked at me were neither interested nor hostile. However, he did not look away.

I felt as if this is how it would feel to take commemorative photos with fans in front of one’s family. Embarrassing, awkward, and… feeling like I’d be teased once the people left…

The situation of being unilaterally observed by him was uncomfortable. I didn’t like it, feeling as though I were in a disadvantaged position. I would have preferred it if he had disappeared first with the man accompanying him, but he steadfastly held his ground.

Once the middle-aged women, satisfied with three or four photos, left, the woman in the evening dress requested a photo this time. It was unexpected.

“Would it be possible for me to take one with you as well?”

“Ah… yes. Then… sure.”

Following my bewildered answer, she handed her phone to the man behind her.

“Team leader?”

“Me?”

“Assistant manager Yu has no talent for photography.”

The man of sturdy build standing about half a step behind him didn’t even seem displeased by the assessment of him.

With a reluctant expression, he eventually took the phone. He raised the phone to chest height and adjusted the composition.

In his face, as he looked at me through the screen, no agitation or crack was visible. It was different from last time, when he had shown an obsession that seemed as if he would chase me to the ends of the earth.

Without saying he was taking them, he snapped a few photos and then held out the phone to her as if for her to check.

“Oh, come on. You should have told him to step back a bit more. The difference in face size is too blatant.”

“You look good together. A handsome man and a beautiful woman.”

As if slightly annoyed, or perhaps a bit spiteful, he spoke bluntly. He glanced at me, lifting his gaze from the phone screen, but that was all.

With her thanks for taking the photo, the conspicuous trio disappeared quickly through the gate.

Since an opponent with whom there was nothing to gain by getting entangled was ignoring me, it should have been a welcome thing… but perhaps because he had actively wanted me in Bangkok, and again when we reunited at Nox, an unpleasant sensation, a bothersome emotion resembling disappointment, grated within my chest.

What ‘handsome man and beautiful woman.’ He knows perfectly well that I sleep with men. How sarcastic.

As I grumbled inwardly, I suddenly relaxed my shoulders and sneered. I was the one who pushed him away, saying it couldn’t happen, so I didn’t know what I was expecting. Did I want him to be at a loss upon discovering me, looking at me pitifully with a gaze full of lingering affection?

Furthermore, he and I weren’t in a relationship that had failed while trying to date. We were just one-night stands. From the start, there was absolutely no reason for him to harbor lingering feelings or look at me pitifully.

I laughed weakly at my own childishness for doing something out of character and rubbed the back of my neck.

“Hyung, did you wait long?”

Hong-seo, having finished his fan service time, was before me with an apologetic face.

“How long has it been since we saw each other? Do we really live in the same house?”

“I know, right. Last time at the Nox Hotel, I tried to see your face, but you were nowhere to be found.”

“Ah… at that time, I happened to meet an old friend… we were tucked away in a corner chatting about old times…”

My excuse was unusually verbose. However, perhaps because he was nervous about meeting Director Kang Woo-hyun, Hong-seo simply nodded and lightly pulled my arm.

“Let’s go in. The CEO is on the second floor with the Director.”

Whether they had hired a separate party planning company, staff members wearing suit uniforms and security earpieces were stationed everywhere. Hong-seo and I were able to pass through quickly, skipping the guest list check. After passing through a small hall and corridor in front of the entrance, the first-floor living room where the party was being held revealed itself.

“Wow… is this a house?”

Hong-seo let out an exclamation in a voice small enough for only me to hear and shook his head.

The rectangular living room, divided into spaces by occasional stairs and low partition walls, seemed to be at least 30 meters long. Looking up, the second-floor corridor stretched long beyond a transparent glass railing, and the ceiling height was dizzying.

Beyond the wide-open folding doors, a spacious garden was visible. A DJ booth and a bar were set up at the edge of the garden, and a large temporary pool was installed in the center. Young men and women in swimwear filled the pool. Large machines installed on both sides of the pool poured out soap bubbles incessantly.

The people in the pool were all tall and slender, like models. They didn’t seem to be invited guests, but rather people hired to liven up the atmosphere. The invited guests were perched on high stools arranged around the pool or leaning against the bar, watching them.

Hong-seo nudged my elbow and spoke, slightly covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“About Director Kang, it might be true that he’s the illegitimate child of a conglomerate chairman.”

“There was such a rumor?”

“They say he grew up moving between the US and Japan, so his background is a bit ambiguous. Plus, he was the director from his very first work.”

Except for a few special cases, most film directors usually debut after serving as assistant directors. If he had skipped the period of building connections and skill to prove his investment value, it was plausible for such rumors to spread. Moreover, since Director Kang Woo-hyun had obsessively revealed his aesthetic tendencies without compromise from his first work, it would have been impossible to produce on a low budget.

“There’s a story that because he’s the illegitimate child of a conglomerate chairman, he kept asking his father for money for movies without making a profit, so he got shut down. If he were at least a child registered on the family tree, the honor he built in the film industry would at least help the company image, but that’s not the case either.”

Shrugging as he spoke, Hong-seo looked up toward the second-floor railing once. Then he pulled my arm toward the stairs.

“I don’t believe everything just because it’s a rumor circulating within the industry… but for a film director, his connections are a bit strong. He has a lot of chaebol friends too.”

As the stairs leading to the second floor drew near, Hong-seo adjusted his expression and put on a smile. At the foot of the stairs, a security guard in a black suit was restricting entry.

“I’m scheduled to meet the Director. I’m Choi Hong-seo.”

The security guard, who contacted someone via his earpiece, gave a slight nod and opened the belt of the barricade.

As we stepped onto the second-floor corridor, the garden and the night view beyond it unfolded refreshingly. In contrast to the dark ridgeline, the city lights sparkled even more brightly. If the night view I had seen from the hotel in Bangkok a while ago was golden, the night view of Seoul was closer to a white light reminiscent of diamonds.

For a moment, the volume of the music increased, and cheers erupted from the pool area. My gaze moved from far to near, following the noise. The men and women in the pool were dancing and drinking, flaunting their young and attractive bodies with glasses held high.

“The ajummas and ajussis are really enjoying the eye candy. Yeah, that’s why people come to places like this—to see and enjoy things like that. If they’re lucky, they might slip some pocket money to a kid they like and have some fun.”

In Hong-seo’s sarcastic eyes, a strong light of contempt lingered.

Whether they were acting or not, those shaking their bodies in the pool covered in soap bubbles looked happy on the surface. I wasn’t unaware that some people viewed the pricing of their youth and bodies as a point of pride rather than humiliation, but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of bitterness at the sight before me.

I stopped Hong-seo, who was about to leave the railing and move further into the corridor. It was to gather at least some minimum information before meeting Director Kang.

“But why were we called here today? Do you know anything?”

Hong-seo, glancing around, stepped closer to me.

“I think our company might invest a bit in the Director’s next project.”

“UB?”

“I don’t know if it’s on a company level or if the CEO is putting his name down as one of the private investors… anyway, the CEO’s enthusiasm is incredible.”

The story that this movie was a work Director Kang Woo-hyun had been planning for over 15 years, and that he was putting considerable effort into the conceptual stage to make it a representative work that would peak his artistic world, was something anyone in the entertainment industry would have heard at least once as a passing rumor.

“He needs more production costs than ever, but since his previous work didn’t recover its costs… it seems the investment funds aren’t gathering well. Because he’s a director who doesn’t do well at the box office, no matter how many awards he sweeps at overseas film festivals.”

“Then why is UB bothering to invest?”

Even though they had a track record of discovering three or four major stars, UB was still more of a small-to-medium agency at the stage of being closer to an office than a company with a proper scale. It was hard to imagine they had surplus funds to invest in a movie by Director Kang Woo-hyun, where success wasn’t guaranteed. Unless the source was the CEO’s personal assets, which I, as a contracted actor, wouldn’t know about…

Hong-seo tugged my sleeve and lowered his voice.

“The CEO… wants to put me in the lead role.”

“……”

“I’ve had three or four meetings with the Director. Fortunately, it seems he views me favorably… but the movie can only start if the production costs are resolved. He probably wants to use Director Kang’s movie to push me up to A-list while I’m doing well lately.”

Hong-seo rested his arm on the railing and paused for a moment. His gaze was directed toward the floor below, but it didn’t seem like he was seeing the scene before him. Biting his lower lip and staring into space, he spoke as if possessed.

“Once this works out, this life of being dragged around is over. Who knows, maybe Choi Hong-seo will get to walk the red carpet at Cannes? Haha…”

After a self-deprecating laugh, Hong-seo shut his mouth firmly.

Hong-seo’s desire or obsession with success wasn’t solely due to personal achievement. His parents were alive and well, and Hong-seo was the third of four siblings—three sons and one daughter. Despite that, since debuting in the entertainment industry, he had been acting as the family’s economic breadwinner.

Hong-seo’s parents, who had no steady income for a long time, had provided no help during the four years he prepared for his debut, saying he was doing something useless that didn’t make money. Now, however, they were buying a house, driving cars, and covering living expenses through Hong-seo’s support. Even so, he was a guy who never once spoke words of resentment or complained about his family.

Eating the side dishes the other members’ parents sent to the dorm, and eating the pork belly and galbi those parents bought for them at the meat restaurant… I had watched everything from the sidelines, so I knew how Hong-seo must have felt. I couldn’t bring myself to offer hasty comfort by telling him to let go of his bitterness and relax.

Suddenly, Hong-seo turned toward me and forced a light expression.

“I don’t know exactly why I was called here today, but… maybe the Director wanted to see you too, Hyung? The CEO knows you’re not the type to seek out work by hunting for these kinds of gatherings. He probably just wanted to see you.”

It would be great if we got to work together. Right?

As he added that with a smile, Hong-seo’s expression was, quite literally, idol-like. I only managed to pull up the corners of my lips awkwardly.

Another burst of boisterous cheering erupted from the garden pool.

■

Inside the drawing room, where the music was blocked out, a solemn atmosphere lingered, much like a conference room where a business meeting was taking place. It was a space completely separated from the hedonistic party atmosphere happening within the same mansion.

The vertically long drawing room, with floor-to-ceiling windows facing the garden, was filled with furniture from famous designers. Fitting for the drawing room of Director Kang Woo-hyun, who was known as an art lover, the walls were decorated with artworks of a consistent taste.

Six or seven people gathered around a large sofa table were drinking whisky with serious expressions.

Aside from Director Kang Woo-hyun, the CEO of UB Entertainment, and the senior actress who had been at Director Hwang Su-young’s table at the L brand party, the other faces were unfamiliar.

Among the group, most of whom appeared to be in their fifties or older, there was one man who seemed to be in his late thirties. Despite being the youngest member, he stood out even more because he was sitting in the most prestigious single-person sofa.

“Director, this is actor Jeong Ji-in from UB. Ji-in, please introduce yourself.”

The CEO, looking more nervous than usual, introduced me to Director Kang Woo-hyun. While the CEO usually spoke comfortably in informal language, he always used formal honorifics in public settings.

“Hello, Director. It is an honor to meet you.”

Director Kang Woo-hyun, who had a lean build and a delicate, sensitive aura, looked up at me with eyes mixed with curiosity and cautious wariness, offering a handshake from his seat.

“Hmm, yes, nice to meet you. But you’re an actor I’ve never seen before.”

“Yes, like Hong-seo, he doesn’t have movie experience yet. He has appeared exclusively in dramas,” the CEO answered.

Holding an on-the-rocks glass, Director Kang scrutinized my face meticulously.

“You have a good mask. Any surgical work?”

“None. He’s clean,” the CEO answered again.

The blunt question about plastic surgery, and the answer that I was ‘clean’ because I hadn’t had any, were both grating, but this was not a place where I could show it. Standing beside Hong-seo in front of several people, I lightly clenched my fists, which I had been holding behind my back as if standing at attention.

“I think I’ve seen him in passing a few times. So you’re CEO Myung’s boy.”

A man sitting diagonally from the director spoke up, scanning me. The man, who looked to be in his mid-fifties, had a well-maintained physique and a dignified, handsome face compared to his peers, but the image of his face collapsed the moment he opened his mouth.

“The eyes and lips are sexy. How old are you this year?”

“He is thirty-one, CEO,” the CEO replied.

“What a shame. The age isn’t pretty, the age.”

At the UB CEO’s answer, the man clicked his tongue as if it were a great pity and swirled his on-the-rocks glass. Then, gesturing toward me with his chin, he asked the woman beside him.

“Not your taste either, President?”

“I prefer the cute type, like Hong-seo.”

“Hong-seo is cute? You must not have seen him perform. His flirting is no joke.”

As if to search for a video and show her on the spot, the man picked up his phone from the table. Someone teased the man to tone it down, but even that was merely a joke laced with laughter.

Once the man’s commotion subsided, the director looked up at me again with a tired face.

“But… what brings you here today?”

The CEO couldn’t answer immediately, his lips fluttering as he hesitated. Although he was standing in front of me, he was bowing his waist so low that his eye level was almost the same as the director sitting on the sofa.

“I know this is presumptuous, but… I thought actor Jeong Ji-in would be a good fit for the role of a fellow doctor suffering from pet loss syndrome… so I prepared him to be presented to you, Director.”

For a moment, a flicker of displeasure twitched in the director’s eyes. Although he didn’t show it immediately, the tightly clenched, twisting line of his mouth spoke for his emotions.

I felt the same sense of failure.

Director Hwang Su-young’s audition was just yesterday. The fact that the CEO had called me to a place like this today meant that he had no expectations for the results of that audition.

Of course, it is common to film two or more projects simultaneously. However, Director Hwang Su-young and Director Kang Woo-hyun were the type of directors who demanded that the lead actors focus solely on their work. There was no way the CEO didn’t know that.

Rather than feeling my pride wounded, it felt as if I was facing my current reality nakedly.

“Actor Jeong Ji-in’s mask is glamorous and sophisticated, yet has a melancholy atmosphere… so I thought it might fit the image you’re looking for…”

“CEO Myung.”

The director interrupted the CEO, suppressing his displeasure.

“I know you’ve worked hard for this movie, and I rely on you a lot… but that is strictly regarding matters outside the production. If you try to intervene in the work… in this manner, it puts me in a very difficult position.”

“Intervene? Director, how could I possibly think of doing such a thing to your movie? It’s not just because Ji-in is our actor, but out of a pure thought that he would truly suit the role, as one possibility for you…”

“In my work, CEO Myung, I don’t do ‘bundle deals’ even for actors from the company that invested 80% of the production cost. This kind of behavior… aren’t you treating my work as a third-rate entertainment movie? I feel as though I’ve been greatly insulted.”

The CEO looked back at me, not knowing what to do. His face carried a message for me to actively appeal myself. It wasn’t an opportunity I had requested, nor was it a method I preferred… but I couldn’t just protect my pride while the CEO was breaking a sweat to create a spot for me.

Just as I was about to step forward and ask if he could at least watch me act once, someone spoke before I could.

“Director, please calm down. This isn’t a gathering meant to show this side of yourself to the guests.”

A soft, gentle voice, almost like that of someone soothing a child. It was the senior actress who had been sitting next to Director Kang Woo-hyun.

Affectionately stroking the director’s shoulder and arm, she rose from her seat and approached the CEO and me.

The people behind her seemed to have no interest in the situation. The man from before was indeed showing a video to the woman next to him; the latest song from ‘Layered’ was leaking from his phone at a low volume.

Only the youngest man sitting in the seat of honor was watching us with a calm gaze, without joining either side of the conversation.

“I understand CEO Myung’s intentions… but since this is your first time working with Director Kang, there must have been a misunderstanding. CEO Myung, you must make it clear that the decision-making power regarding the work belongs to the Director, down to the smallest detail. Your purpose in investing in Director Kang’s work isn’t the pursuit of profit, and the purpose of wanting to act in his work isn’t for honor or fame. Aren’t we all people who want to be a part of it because we cherish and love the Director’s world?”

“Yes, that’s correct. I was presumptuous.”

By nodding several times and agreeing with her words, the CEO seemed to give up on recommending me. I was relieved that I no longer had to endure this situation, but something inside me had already been crushed.

“Director, please let go of your anger. It’ll only make Mr. Jeong Ji-in feel embarrassed for no reason.”

“It’s not the actor’s fault. I’m sorry… I just hate compromising when it comes to my work…”

At the senior’s words, the director apologized sullenly, glancing at me. He wasn’t a terribly authoritarian or obviously snobbish type of person. Nor had he called me here with the intention of insulting me. The same went for the UB CEO.

No one intended it, no one had decided to throw a stone, yet strangely, I felt as if I had been beaten to a pulp. However, I composed my emotions and bowed to the director.

“Not at all, Director. I apologize for disturbing the atmosphere. It is an honor just to have met you.”

“Today is a great occasion to introduce Hong-seo to the distinguished guests here and attract investment. It’s also true that this gathering would have been difficult to arrange without CEO Myung’s help. So, Director, please clear your heart now.”

As if he trusted her words quite a bit, the director’s expression softened noticeably. It seemed she had a deep connection with the director. Only after seeing the director’s face relax did the CEO seem to breathe a sigh of relief.

“I’ll wrap things up with Mr. Jeong Ji-in. Ji-in, shall we talk for a moment?”

The senior actress signaled me with her eyes. Wrap things up or not… I had nothing more to hear or say, but I had no choice but to follow her as she headed toward the door.

Behind my back, as I headed for the exit, I heard the voice of that man from before.

“Was it something called ‘Fly’? There was a song like that, right? He turned his hips amazingly. Let’s see that dance.”

“Yes, then, if it’s alright, I’ll show you right here for a moment.”

In Hong-seo’s following response, no sense of humiliation could be found. However, just because it didn’t show on the surface didn’t mean that situation was pleasant. Being good at enduring pain was different from not feeling it.

Even after leaving the drawing room and stepping into the hallway, the tightness in my chest did not improve in the slightest.

I had received worse treatment at auditions. Informal language was the baseline, and there were managers who wouldn’t even look at me while I acted, merely listening vaguely to my voice before gesturing for me to leave. I had worked with a great senior who treated me like a portable ashtray, and I had acted under a director who violently screamed profanities at actors and staff in the style of 20 or 30 years ago.

Compared to them, Director Kang Woo-hyun didn’t even rank among the rude. He hadn’t poured verbal abuse on me. Yet, the sense of humiliation was stronger than those previous experiences. It wasn’t Director Kang Woo-hyun’s problem.

Checking her appearance briefly in a mirror taken from her clutch bag, the senior turned to me and smiled.

“We saw each other briefly at the Nox Hotel last time, but this is the first time we’ve actually talked, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Seonbae.”

“Since the mood is like this, let’s have a drink and talk.”

I didn’t think my mood would improve by drinking with a great senior who was more than twenty years my senior. But just as it had been in the drawing room, I had no right of refusal now.

Like someone who frequented the place, she crossed the living room via the shortest route without looking around or hesitating.

Meanwhile, the excitement in the garden was reaching a peak. Some guests were dancing with their jackets off or their high heels removed. Just like the age group in the second-floor drawing room, the people laughing and enjoying themselves in the first-floor living room and garden were mostly middle-aged or older. It was clearly a party for the purpose of attracting investment or promotion.

“……”

Following the senior who walked straight toward the bar, I couldn’t help but hesitate and slow my pace. The striking trio I had encountered at the gate were talking with several people in front of the bar counter.

“What kind of alcohol do you like? Shall we drink something strong?”

“I’ll have the same as you, Seonbae.”

Taking a seat on a stool a few seats away from the group the man belonged to, the senior asked the youthful-looking bartender for two glasses of strong whisky with only one ice cube each.

I didn’t know whose invitation the man had accepted or who he had come here to meet. However, it was a relief that he hadn’t been in the drawing room earlier.

Since he was standing facing the bar, I couldn’t tell if he noticed my arrival. But every time I looked at the senior, his profile caught in my field of vision.

“I can smoke a bit, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

I waited in silence for her to speak, looking down at her hand as she took a thin metal case from her clutch. Inside the case, long white cigarettes were neatly aligned.

“Don’t think too poorly of what the Director said.”

“No. Why would I be displeased?”

“What’s there to hide between fellow actors? Why wouldn’t a situation like that be displeasing? It’s fucking shitty.”

In her tone, I felt a kind of languid anger, the remnants of a rage that had weathered but not completely disappeared. It was a different atmosphere from the way she had skillfully handled the situation in the drawing room.

Taking a deep drag of the lit cigarette, she spoke while exhaling a thin, long stream of smoke.

“To put it bluntly, it’s not like I stepped forward and begged for a role, so I wonder why I have to be brought here and listen to that kind of talk.”

I agreed with her blunt statement internally, but externally, I only gave an ambiguous smile. It didn’t particularly clear my chest just because she spoke for my feelings.

“I believe Actor Jeong has been debuted for a few years now, but we’ve never worked on a project together. I’m Seo Eui-ju… you know who I am, right?”

“Of course. I watched , which you appeared in recently, very diligently.”

As if she had little interest in such obvious greetings, she only gave a short laugh.

Glasses filled with a deep amber liquid were soon served before us. The barely diluted whisky burned hot down my esophagus, heating my body. I felt like getting drunk. I felt like becoming a mess.

Over the senior’s shoulder, a burst of boisterous laughter erupted from the group the trio belonged to. It wasn’t easy to distinguish a single person’s voice within it.

“Ever since I saw him at PD Hwang’s table last time, I thought he looked quite good in person. He looked sophisticated on screen, but the screen can’t keep up with the real thing. If I were Ji-in, I’d feel cheated. I’d believe it if someone said he was in his mid-twenties.”

The woman saying this herself looked like she was in her forties, despite being close to sixty. That wasn’t solely due to the power of medicine.

“A face like this that money can’t buy, a young and sexy body… and now his recognition is supporting him to some extent. I guess our Hubae is weak in the art of social maneuvering. Or… does he already have someone taking care of him, so he’s just acting as a hobby?”

A gaze exploring with raw interest clung to me stickily.

She was expressing it indirectly, but in the end, she was asking if I had a sponsor. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard such a question. Every time, I had avoided the answer itself, smiling awkwardly as if I were flustered. This time was no different.

Exhaling a long stream of cigarette smoke once more, she took a business card out of her clutch bag.

“I’m not someone who makes this kind of proposal to just anyone. I’m not some matchmaker who connects people with nobodies who call themselves ‘businessmen.’ It’s just that, as a senior, it’s a waste that someone like Ji-in, who has everything, can’t move forward.”

“……”

I silently looked down at the single thin rectangular piece of paper pushed toward my chest.

“You’re not a rookie anymore, so you wouldn’t have the naive expectation that things will work out just by working hard. We live in a world where even salarymen can’t succeed just by being good at their jobs. How long are you going to be called to places like this like a hostess and see such filthy things?”

The word ‘hostess’ caught my ear like a fishhook. My heart pounded as if it would explode, and the humiliation that had subsided slightly reared its head again.

It wasn’t the most vicious verbal abuse or harassment I’d ever heard, nor had Director Kang Woo-hyun thoroughly stripped away my pride to the end. The reason why I felt so filthy now became clear.

Standing before people with money, status, and power, ‘prepared’ beautifully, waiting to be chosen and being appraised.

I was an actor in name only; in reality, I was no different from those providing entertainment with their youth and physical charm inside the garden pool. If they called me a hostess, was that really an exaggeration?

“Someone in a position like yours, Jeong Ji-in, is the most ambiguous. Why do you think I know? Now that your status has risen to a certain level, you can’t just snap up any project that comes your way, but there are still plenty of places where money needs to go. You never know when or what kind of role will come in, so there’s so much to learn—horseback riding, instruments, foreign languages—and you have to get regular skincare… Actors are different from other celebrities. Why do you think A-list actors all maintain such a luxurious image? For an actor, dignity is everything.”

At the mention of ‘dignity,’ a scoff almost escaped me, but I managed to swallow it. The faces of several top actors immediately came to mind—men who maintained a taciturn and gentle public image, but in reality, had frivolous personalities and swore constantly.

“Just try a consultation. I’ll buy you drinks whenever you’re comfortable.”

I couldn’t look my Seonbae in the eye as she spoke so lightly, as if she were suggesting a dentist or a Pilates instructor rather than a sponsor. I could only offer an awkward smile.

She was far too senior a colleague to reject on the spot. Whether I actually contacted her or not was a matter for later. For now, I accepted her business card.

Placing a hand on my shoulder, she rose from her stool, and as I tried to stand up as well, she pressed firmly down on my shoulder, signaling that there was no need. Then, before leaving the bar, she subtly massaged my upper arm and whispered from a very close distance.

“Don’t tell CEO Myung. This is a private matter, unrelated to the company. It’s more like… a romance than work. Right?”

As she moved away, I felt the surrounding noise, which had been blocked out, rush back in all at once. An unpleasant, sticky sweat clung to my palms gripping the glass.

Not work, but ‘like’ a romance…

As I chewed over the subtle aftertaste of her words and suddenly looked up, my eyes met a man’s. He made no effort to hide the fact that he had been watching me.

However, I averted my gaze. I downed the rest of my drink in one go. I wanted to get out of here immediately. I pulled out my phone and opened a taxi app. A taxi 10 minutes away, a taxi 15 minutes away… the search radius on the screen kept expanding, but a call simply wouldn’t go through. It was a weekend night overflowing with customers; it seemed no taxi was willing to climb all the way up here, far above Pyeongchang-dong, just to find a passenger.

Should I call Jae-woo? I was reluctant to contact Jae-woo, who finally had a chance to rest early after a long time, but there seemed to be no other way. Fiddling with the glass that now held only ice, I tried calling again after changing the taxi type.

“Want another drink?”

“……”

Before I knew it, the man had stepped away from his group and was standing beside my stool. Glancing up at him as he leaned his right arm on the bar, I immediately dropped my gaze back to my phone.

“I thought you’d decided to pretend you didn’t know me.”

I muttered it like a monologue, but even I knew it was nothing more than a petty vent. I kept biting my lower lip, and he called the bartender to request another glass of whiskey.

“Was I supposed to pretend I knew you? I thought I wasn’t allowed to, so I didn’t.”

I looked up again and met the man’s eyes. When we had reunited at Nox, his appearance had brought me bewilderment and a sense of defeat, but now, he looked like a white horse—no, a prince—come to rescue me from this den of iniquity.

“When are you leaving?”

“……”

“On your way down… could you give me a ride? Even just as far as the Gyeongbokgung area would be fine.”

“You can just call a taxi.”

I thrust the phone screen in front of his eyes, showing the search radius expanded to 30 minutes.

“Hmm..”

He remained silent for a while, merely staring at me while leaning against the bar. A few cheers from the pool area swelled and faded repeatedly.

My lips itched to provoke him, to tell him to stop pretending to deliberate.

If he truly had no interest in me anymore, he wouldn’t have struck up a conversation in the first place.

Eventually, he pulled a slim business card case from his inner jacket pocket. He held out a card pinched between his long index and middle fingers, but just as I reached for it, he pulled it back toward his face.

“Trade this for the one you just received. Then I’ll drive you wherever you want to go.”

The man spoke, gesturing with his chin toward my jacket pocket where the Seonbae’s card was. I couldn’t tell if he had caught the specific details of the conversation I’d had with her. What was clear was that he, too, had been conscious of me the entire time. To admit it, that was the only… pleasant event of the night.

“What if I don’t trade, and just take this one?”

“Then… you have to go where I want to go.”

Giving me his card meant he was revealing his personal information to me.

I snatched the card from the man and read the small print engraved on it.

Nox Hotel Seoul, Public Relations Strategy Team 2, Team Leader… Yi-han.

I slid the card, with the Nox logo embossed on the back, into my jacket pocket and stood up. I did not hand over the card I had received from Seonbae Seo Eui-ju.

“So, where are we going?”

■

The car was idling with the air conditioning running. The temperature, which felt moderately pleasant at first, soon felt chilly, but it was awkward to speak to the driver in the front seat. There was a wide armrest separating the seats, and the digital controller at the front of the armrest cushion was equipped with several buttons. I fumbled around to see if there was a temperature control button for the AC, but soon gave up.

When is he coming? Has it not even been 20 minutes yet…

The moment I glanced at my wristwatch, the door finally opened.

“Sorry, did you wait long?”

“No.”

When he told me to wait in the car while he went to say a quick goodbye, my only thought was that I wanted to leave that place as quickly as possible. I hadn’t accounted for having to endure 20 minutes of awkward silence alone with the driver. Thanks to that, I was glad to see the man climbing into the passenger seat.

Despite no instructions regarding the destination, the car slowly pulled away from Director Kang Woo-hyun’s residence.

“I wanted to drive myself, but I’ve been drinking..”

The man glanced toward the driver’s seat and gave me an apologetic look.

“I’m just grateful for the ride.”

Unbuttoning his jacket to settle into a comfortable position, he twisted his waist toward me.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?”

Whether it was my imagination or not, his face and voice sounded somewhat excited.

“No.”

“Then would you like to go somewhere a bit far?”

“……”

“There’s a glamping site at the Nox Resort in Hongcheon; it’s a nice place to get some fresh air. At this hour, it should take about an hour and a half to get there.”

“Let’s just settle it here in Seoul.”

“……”

Was my tone too dismissive? He looked at me as if he had just heard a very vulgar joke. Looking at his balanced face, even with his eyes and lips twisted, I asked calmly.

“…Why?”

“You’re considerably more desolate than you look. I’m not even suggesting we just grab a quick meal, but you say ‘settle it’.”

Then you’re considerably more delicate than you look. Is there a need to be that picky about choosing a place to relieve your sexual urges? I thought about snapping back, but it was nothing more than meaningless wordplay. What I wanted right now wasn’t a comedic banter. Nor was it a 1.5-hour wait. I was sure he felt the same.

Leaning my upper body toward him, relying on the armrest, I said:

“You could interpret it as me wanting us to be alone as soon as possible, couldn’t you?”

“……”

As expected, he didn’t seem to believe me at all. There was no change in his reluctant expression or his firmly closed lips. However, he seemed to decide to find meaning in the fact that I had made an effort to appease his mood. With a breath that sounded like a sigh, he spoke to the front seat.

“Assistant Manager Seo, please take us to the main branch.”

“Understood, Team Leader.”

Following the driver’s response, he pressed a button on the ceiling, and a glass partition operated with a light vibration. After the partition rose from the bottom to create a complete wall between us and the front seat, he adjusted the button again to make the glass wall opaque.

It had been a long time since I’d been in a top-spec limousine with a partition. A bitter smile escaped me at a past memory triggered by this unexpected occasion. Realizing I was unconsciously clenching my fists, I deliberately adopted a nonchalant tone to shake off the memory and spoke to him.

“I don’t have much experience with corporate life… but I don’t think they usually provide this kind of car to someone at the Team Leader level. Your treatment is quite exceptional.”

“Just because the title is Team Leader doesn’t mean all Team Leaders are the same.”

Seeing him speak boastfully with a raised eyebrow made me laugh. Because of the playfulness he occasionally showed, he sometimes looked young.

I knew that people whose abilities were recognized quickly at a relatively young age were not common. However, among my mother’s hotel guests, such people were not exactly rare. It didn’t feel like something from another world.

I suddenly became curious about his age, but I didn’t ask. Even if I found out eventually, questions about personal information were unnecessary interests for now.

“Can I see your hand?”

I said, holding out my palm toward him. He stared down at my hand as if it were a trap, but soon offered his long, large hand.

While I unbuckled his expensive wristwatch, he stayed quiet and let me do as I pleased. He watched me with eyes full of curiosity about what I was trying to do.

On the inside of his firm wrist, the marks I had left remained faintly. Even though a little over ten days had passed, the bluish bruise around the bite marks was still recognizable.

“The marks are still there.”

The man laughed in a low voice.

“Were you that curious?”

“On your shoulders and back… are they still there too?”

As if I were about to strip off his jacket and shirt to check for myself, I placed my hand on his shoulder and asked. His eyes blinked slowly. His eyes, with the space between his brows and lids being narrow and deep, gave an exotic yet serious impression.

“I knew you had a mix of prey, degradee, and brat tendencies… but did you also have sadistic tendencies?”

A trace of a smile still lingered on his face. At his question asking if he could put his watch back on, I nodded and released his wrist.

The car was speeding toward the graveyard of lights below. I had no intention of playing innocent about what kind of act was tacitly promised at the destination he was leading me to. However, there was something I needed to make clear before we entered the bed together.

Watching his profile as he fastened his watch buckle and straightened his shirt sleeves, I spoke.

“You… Yi-han, you’re a dom, right?”

“……”

“Last time, when you asked if I was a prey, I didn’t answer properly… but to be precise, I don’t think I’m a ‘kinkster’ per se.”

Sinking deep into his seat, he turned his body further toward me. Leaning his temple against the seat, his posture looked casual and relaxed, but his eyes and expression, waiting for the rest of my words without rushing me, were serious.

“I like sex where I’m physically overpowered, and I want to be pushed to the limit… regardless of whether I refuse. Dirty talk… I like both hearing it and doing it, and I get aroused by acts that induce shame. So, if I had to choose a similar type among BDSM tendencies, it would be a mix of prey, brat, and degradee.”

Even though our relationship had been intermittent, this was something I couldn’t bring myself to say even to Yoon Ju-ho, with whom I had matched bodies for several years. That was why I had always settled for the second-best in my relationship with Yoon Ju-ho.

Setting aside the fact that my targets for sex and romance were men… preferring sex where I was forcibly pushed by overwhelming power… I wasn’t the type of person who could comfortably reveal such tastes in front of others.

But why was it? In front of this man, whom I had only met three times, I could say it. Perhaps it was because he had identified himself as a Hunter first.

“But I don’t feel security in commands or instructions, nor do I feel pleasure in making the other person angry by disobeying commands. That day… in Bangkok… I asked to be handled roughly, but I don’t have that kind of sex… every time. Even if you become my partner… you might not be satisfied, Yi-han.”

Having listened intently, he lifted himself from the backrest. He rested his elbow on the armrest and propped up his chin.

“So you don’t want a dominant-submissive relationship, and you don’t have sub tendencies?”

I nodded at his clean summary.

He dropped his gaze toward my feet. After being lost in thought for a moment, he spoke in a calm voice. Since his gaze was still directed downward, it sounded almost like a monologue.

“Is it that important whether you’re a kinkster or not?”

“……”

“Since you told me honestly, I’ll tell you as I am.”

He lifted his eyelids and looked straight at me.

“Someone who is my type deliberately poking and provoking me to get my attention, or falsely pleading for me to stop because they’re afraid of too much pleasure… that’s what arouses me. When I have such a partner physically overpowered, I want to endlessly inject pleasure until they reveal the very bottom of their instincts.”

He reached out with the hand that had been propping up his chin and toyed with the lapel of my jacket.

“It’s not because I want to flaunt that I’m physically superior… but because I want to see a partner exposed to pleasure beyond the normal threshold.”

We gazed into each other’s eyes across the armrest. The car was now running with the Han River to the right. However, neither of us paid the slightest attention to the changes outside the window.

His hand moved closer and traced the folded part behind the lapel with his fingertips.

“No matter how sexually aroused one becomes, reason doesn’t crumble that easily. When it feels like you’re being flung too far away from the socialized self learned through education, you get scared and stop. And I… I don’t want to stop there. I want to be flung outside that line together, even if it’s by force.”

“……”

“Of course, I mean doing that with a consenting partner.”

His hand, which had been tracing the back of the lapel, moved away without entering the jacket. The breath that had unconsciously tightened while his hand was touching me loosened. I felt as if the foreplay had already begun.

This time, he fumbled over the armrest controller with his long fingers. My gaze was drawn to his fingernails, which were exceptionally neatly trimmed.

“In that sense, I only described myself as a Hunter for convenience; I have absolutely no interest in mentally controlling or dominating a partner. BDSM isn’t just about sadism-masochism or dominance-submission.”

“……”

“Whether you’re a kinkster or not, such distinctions don’t matter. In fact, I’m glad you didn’t ask me to hit you.”

A Hunter, or pseudo-Hunter, who has no interest in dominance. A prey, or pseudo-prey, who only wants physical overpowering and refuses to be dominated.

As he said, no matter how we defined it, the desires we possessed did not change.

What were the odds of two people with such tendencies meeting without even going through ‘recruitment’? At this point, the man in front of me was almost custom-made for me. And of course, from his perspective, I would be a miracle—or at least a stroke of luck.

He looked at me and smiled.

“So you don’t have to worry about me not being satisfied.”

“Hmm… it fits so perfectly it’s almost scary.”

“I told you. We’re destiny.”

Since we were a theoretically perfect match, I couldn’t even be sarcastic this time. He lifted his chin diagonally with a confident expression. Seeing him act exaggeratedly to lighten the mood, I too was able to relax and laugh.

As expected, the sedan exited the riverside boulevard through the exit leading to the Nox Hotel. This was my first time visiting Nox for private purposes. Even though the purpose had changed, I was just as nervous and thirsty.

“There’s something I want to ask.”

“……”

“You said it wouldn’t work because I’m a Korean residing in Korea. I still live in Seoul, and I’m still Korean. Why did you change your mind?”

I, who had been looking up at the Nox logo beaming from the very top of the building, turned my head at his voice. To use a vulgar expression, he had a face that made it worth rolling around with, even without romantic feelings or love.

Most of the actors I worked with had decent looks, and Yoon Ju-ho himself was incredibly handsome. Yet, I had never felt a tremor from them. However, from the moment I first saw this man’s face up close and heard his voice, there was a tremor. That, perhaps, is what they call a “type.”

Thinking I had been staring at him too long, as if craving him, I lowered my gaze. My eyes, which had been naturally sliding down his shoulders and chest, came to a sudden halt. There was a heavy bulge between his legs.

Even when not erect, his size was such that his presence was bound to be prominent over his pants, but the current angle was by no means ordinary.

To think that while he was explaining his sexual preferences in such a calm tone, he was making his member rock hard down below.

“I just feel like… if you set your mind to it, Yi-han, it’s just as dangerous whether we sleep together once or ten times.”

Hearing my answer, he nodded a couple of times. No sexual arousal was visible anywhere on his expression. It was simply surprising that the area above his neck and the area below his waist could move so thoroughly independently of one another.

The car glided down toward the underground parking lot of Nox. He straightened his posture and interlaced his fingers over his knees.

“Then shall we start by drafting a contract?”

“You really intend to go that far?”

I had heard of contracts being drawn up between doms and subs who enjoyed continuous play. But as he had admitted, we were not in a dom-sub relationship. Was a contract really necessary even then?

Since his face twisted again, I knew he didn’t like my remark.

“Do you find me that untrustworthy, Jeong Ji-in?”

“A contract is just a promise with no legal effect anyway. Does having one or not really make that much of a difference?”

“Is that how you’ve always conducted your relationships until now?”

“Until now” or not, this was my first attempt at becoming a partner with someone after properly revealing my tendencies. I looked askance at the man, who wore a look of astonishment as if he couldn’t believe it.

Hmm… With his lips tightened, he crossed his arms firmly across his chest.

“Even if direct violence is excluded, dangerous situations can arise when enjoying rough sex. Even if it’s not a full contract, we should clearly define which plays are acceptable and which are not. Why are you being so reckless…”

Cutting himself off, he turned his head toward the window and let out two or three long sighs. He had misunderstood that I had been engaging in dangerous play or sex without a contract until now, and he was getting angry as if he were my guardian.

And for some reason, the back of his head looked cute to me. He was a man with many sides different from my first impression, where I thought he’d only be interested in animalistic sex itself. A laugh almost escaped me, but I felt he would get even angrier if he caught me. I covered my lips with my fist, pretending to clear my throat.

The car had already come to a complete stop within the parking lines some time ago.

After taking a few deep breaths, as if he had sorted out his emotions, he turned his gaze away from the window and looked at me again.

“Fine, then… even if we decide the details later, there are basic conditions I cannot compromise on.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ll satisfy every single one of your fantasies. In exchange, we sleep together when it’s over.”

“……”

“Stay with me until morning.”

It was a surprisingly romantic request.

■

We went straight up to the 21st floor without passing through the front desk. He had the key card. The corner room located at the very end of the hallway was a suite of a higher grade than the last time.

As soon as we entered the room, he found the remote on the living room desk and closed the curtains. A beautiful night view of the Han River unfolded, enough to make an exclamation escape reflexively the moment I saw it, but our purpose wasn’t there anyway.

While he adjusted the lighting in the living room and bedroom to be slightly dim, I took off my jacket and draped it over the back of a single-seater sofa.

How did we end up naked and entangled last time? When I viewed it as a one-night stand in a foreign country, I could be bold as if acting as someone else, but the situation now was different from Bangkok.

I thought it might be a good idea to borrow a bit more strength from alcohol. Just as I was about to move, thinking of having a beer, he returned from the bedroom.

As if he hadn’t known I would be here, as if he were surprised by an unexpected appearance, he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me as if someone had grabbed him from behind.

It wasn’t a simple gaze directed at an object for sexual release. While it contained heat, anticipation, and lust, it was mixed with more complex emotions reminiscent of wounds or hesitation. It was a face similar to when he had stood in front of my room in Bangkok.

A boyish face, confused about whether it was okay to commit such an act, despite having followed the other person led by impulse and curiosity.

Come to think of it, he had barely spoken while we were coming to the room.

Did he really dislike my attitude toward taking the contract lightly that much?

I, who had been meaninglessly stroking the edge of the sofa back, suggested alcohol in an effort to loosen the atmosphere.

“Aren’t you thirsty? Do you… want a beer?”

The moment I moved toward the mini-bar set up in one corner of the living room, he strode toward me. A large, wide hand firmly supported the back of my neck and pulled me in sharply.

“Mm!”

As soon as our lips overlapped, a moist piece of flesh pushed in urgently. Flustered by the sudden kiss, my tongue shrank back behind my lower teeth. In contrast, his flexible tongue wavered like a wave, rubbing its body against mine.

At the tickle of the tip of his tongue sweeping across the roof of my mouth, I opened my mouth wide as if releasing a held breath. Not missing that gap, his tongue dug beneath mine. My lifted tongue was pulled into his mouth. At the suction of his lips tightening and sucking the soft flesh, I gripped the chest of his jacket tightly wherever I could.

“Hng, mmm. Mm..”

The hand that had been holding the back of my neck moved up to wrap around the entire back of my head. Even the sensation of my hair being brushed in the opposite direction became a sexual stimulus, sending a thrill through my nape. The heat rose in an instant.

Varying the strength of the squeeze to make my tongue tingle, he slowly released the flesh as he pulled his head back. The sight of the tongue sliding out from between his red lips was almost like… fellatio.

The moment I bit my lower lip at the lewd association, his lips immediately lunged back and stole mine. This time, I also opened my lips and entangled with him actively. We craved each other’s lips like people who had received permission to release their heat. We scraped lips with teeth, sucked them in, and twisted our tongues together.

He undid the buttons of my shirt, and I gripped his jacket and pushed it back. Because I had a couple of buttons undone without a tie, the front of my shirt was flung open in an instant. Sucking my lower lip with force, he shook his arms and let the jacket drop to the floor.

Due to the intense kissing, my body was being pushed further back. As soon as my back touched the living room wall, he pressed his lower body tightly against me and pushed hard.

“Ugh. Uuu. Mm.”

A large palm touched my bare skin without hesitation. At the low temperature of the hand sliding into my chest, my nipples instantly shriveled and hardened. I grabbed his wrist to stop him, but he didn’t care.

After fumbling around the areola with his fingertips, he pinched the protruding flesh between his thumb and index finger. As if testing the softness of something like jelly, he repeatedly pressed and released the nipple trapped between his fingers.

The kiss was rough, as if he would bite through my lips and tongue, but conversely, the touch on my nipples was agonizingly ticklish.

As if he were afraid they might burst if he applied just a bit more force. I could no longer endure the touch of his hand carefully and gently twisting the round, hardened nipples.

“Hng! Ugh.”

I turned my head to spit out his tongue and twisted my waist. However, our lower bodies only rubbed against each other. When my part touched his protruding center, sexual desire surged dizzily once again.

Bloodshot eyes glared at me. And he pressed not just his lower body, but his entire body against me. A breath escaped me at the sweet suffocation of being crushed between his body and the wall.

“Haa, ugh. Hng.”

As I lifted my chin, our lips overlapped. In the next moment, his lips traveled down along my neckline. Staying for a long time at the root of my neck, he inhaled my scent, pressed his lips firmly as if stamping a seal, and rubbed his lips widely while turning his head.

Was my neck such a sensitive erogenous zone?

Unknowingly, my waist was lifting off the wall. Because it felt like nasal moans of seduction were about to flow, I had to bite my lower lip while rummaging through the back of his head.

Two hands dug into my shirt. Putting his hands under my armpits as if to lift me up, he stroked the bare skin all the way down to my flanks.

“Hng! Mmph!”

I tried biting down with my molars, but my waist jumped at the chill. While glancing up to check my reaction, he went further down.

“Haa.. ugh.. hng!”

As expected, the protrusion of my chest was sucked right into his lips. The soft and moist mucous membrane inside his lips wrapped around the nipple and applied gentle pressure. When he pulled his head back, the nipple that had been dragged along the lips popped out after a short while. He didn’t rush, repeating the act slowly several times.

I lowered my head and grimaced deeply. I clawed at the back of his shirt wherever my hands could reach.

Even while sucking the left breast, he glanced at the right one. It was a greedy look, as if he were frustrated that he couldn’t suck both at once. The hand that had been fumbling around my waist crawled up to the right breast. Pushing the open edges of the shirt further outward, he curved his index finger like a hook and tapped the right nipple.

“Hng, hng. Hng.”

I didn’t want to let out moans that sounded like I was melting just from having my chest touched. I gritted my teeth and endured. Then, he covered my mouth entirely with his palm.

I was nearly driven crazy by the foreplay that felt like being gently tickled with a soft feather. I rubbed the back of my head against the wall and clawed at his shoulders.

“Rather… suck it hard… or something. What are you… hng. Hng!”

“You seem to like it, so what’s the complaint?”

While squeezing the right nipple trapped between his thumb and index finger, he extended his tongue and wrapped it around the left nipple. Like when we kissed, the undulating wet tongue pushed the small protrusion up and pressed it down. He also rubbed the nipple with his lips instead of his tongue. All these actions were happening excruciatingly slowly.

“Hnggg, hng.. hng. Hng.”

I hugged his head, which was pressed tightly against my chest, and squeezed harder. That was all I could do.

“Maybe you feel it more because your nipples are large.”

He was trying to erase the sexual nuance on purpose, but his voice was thick with arousal.

At the remark treating me lewdly by bringing up an unfounded myth, my back arched even further. Since this was a kind of play, a roleplay, implementing the contents we had agreed upon regarding our sexual preferences, sparks flew from the nape of my neck not out of unpleasantness, but out of excitement.

I pushed my left breast out more, pushing the nipple into his lips myself. Meeting my eyes as he looked up, he finally sucked that round, bunched protrusion powerfully.

“Ah…”

A pleasure as if the itch in a place my hands couldn’t reach was finally being resolved. I hugged him tightly to my chest. At the powerful suction of him sucking the milk, the thin skin soon became tingly.

Wrapping his right arm around my waist and pulling me close, he pressed my crotch, swollen inside my pants, strongly against his chest area. The stimulus of the genitals being crushed and rolled up, down, left, and right was direct. Feeling that my underwear would soon be wet with pre-cum, I urgently struck his shoulder.

“Wa-wait… just a moment… the, the clothes…”

“What about the clothes?”

“The outfit is… sponsored.”

“……”

A face looked up at me as if he had never heard words more cruel than these.

“I know it’s a mood-killer… but, if there’s a problem… the stylist worked so hard…”

Frozen with a frown, he wiped his face with both hands and straightened his body. Then he looked down.

Both of us were already erect to an obstructive degree. Especially his front was not just simply bulging. The thick and long outline of the penis, awkwardly curved to the left of the groin to find a place to extend, was vivid over the pants.

Noticing the blatant direction of my gaze, he wiped his lips with the back of his hand and chuckled.

“You have a decent size too, Jeong Ji-in. Don’t be intimidated.”

“I don’t even have the motivation to compare, so there’s nothing to be intimidated by.”

With his face still facing forward, I said it while glancing at that suggestive volume with only my eyes cast down.

Pressing his lips with the back of his hand, he chuckled and pulled my wrist.

Feeling that every muscle in my body had been tense during a mere five minutes of foreplay, I followed him toward the dressing room. The dressing room, which extended from the hallway in front of the entrance, was structured to connect to the main bathroom attached to the bedroom. Only after arriving in the dressing room, lit by dim, orange-tinted lighting, did he let go of my hand. Then, as if demonstrating, he took off his jacket first.

“You don’t happen to dislike big ones, do you?”

In truth, I had no special preference for penis size. My sexual desire was average, and I wasn’t someone who enjoyed sex very much. I thought I was plain in that regard compared to men my age. The sex with Yoon Ju-ho, which had continued irregularly every few months, was also far from being lustful or fiery.

But when I was with this man, lust stirred. I wanted to touch him, and I wanted to be touched. My body throbbed with a desire for rough and messy intercourse.

While slowly sliding my arms out, spreading the shirt with all buttons undone wider to both sides, I pretended not to be nervous, pretending to be open.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt… visually, and in terms of the sensation of filling me up… big is better.”

“……”

Turning fully toward me, he stared at me intently. It was an intense gaze, as if he were looking at an opponent he had to fight and defeat, rather than a partner he was about to have sex with. But that was only for a brief moment. Snatching my shirt, which I was holding awkwardly, he hung it in the closet.

And he immediately returned to me and put his hand on the buckle of my pants. As I tried to step back flinchingly, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of the pants and pulled.

“At this rate, when are we going to get you naked?”

Since I was wearing pants designed not to use a belt, it took only a moment for the buckle to open and the zipper to part in a V-shape.

“Why are you so passive today? Take off my shirt too.”

The touch that grabbed my hand, which was wandering in the air in an awkward position, and brought it directly to his chest was bold and without waste of time.

It was just that the day in Bangkok was special; originally, I was the type who took time to completely shake off shame before sex. However, there was no need to explain each detail.

He wasn’t wearing a tie either. Since it was open up to the second button, I put my hand on the third button. I had never felt eroticism in the act of undressing a partner, but appreciating the body revealed little by little following the movement of my hand wasn’t bad. It went without saying if that body was my type to an unbelievable degree.

His arm wrapped around my bare waist. Two hands dug into the waist of the loosened pants, wrapping around my buttocks over the briefs. Every time his hands kneaded the flesh, the pants, which were being pushed further down, soon dropped with a thud to my ankles. My exposed legs felt cool.

The hand undressing his shirt became impatient. Once I pulled the hem of the shirt out of the pants and undid all the buttons to the last one, he quickly threw the shirt off. My head unconsciously turned following the shirt that landed somewhere in front of the closet, and he lightly gripped my chin and brought me back.

“……”

Eyes meeting mine from a slightly higher position scanned every corner of my face. The moment I thought he was going to kiss me, his lips landed on my eyes. The lips touching the corners of my eyes whispered lowly, mixed with a sigh.

“Show me you showering alone.”

The lips that said he wanted to voyeur me moved to my temple. After lightly rubbing his lips there, he lowered his head deeper and slid his tongue against my ear.

“Ugh, hng.”

Wet flesh clung to my ear, and a languid breath leaked inside. A short gasp escaped me. The hand gripping my chin slid down my neckline, across my chest and lower belly, before clutching my buttocks again. The two hands were explicit, kneading the flesh that rose in a curve—the most voluptuous part of my body.

After squeezing my flanks, he buried his forehead into the shoulder before me. Smooch, smooch. Shallow kisses followed the curve of my ear. He slid his hand between the crack of my buttocks and curled his fingertips with force. His hand, which had been fiddling with the perineum—the soft, tender flesh gathered behind the testicles—dug deeper. The touch fumbling around the anal area over the thin cotton of the briefs was erotic even more than touching bare skin.

“You like being embarrassed, don’t you? Since we’re going to have sex… show me how you wash.”

“Ugh, ngh…”

The sound of viscous saliva sticking and pulling away dominated my ears. Using his lips and tongue in various ways to kiss me and tracing the complex contours of my ear, it felt as if he were kissing my very ear.

Just hearing the lewd request made my buttocks twitch. I tried biting my lip while rubbing my forehead against his shoulder, but it was difficult to control myself. My shoulders hunched, and my breathing completely lost its rhythm.

My waist twisted as his hand rubbed against me as if it would pierce through the briefs and dig into my anus at any moment. Even so, pretending otherwise, I asked in a suppressed voice.

“Do you… like my buttocks that much?”

“I do. You look lean when you’re dressed… but it’s a plot twist when you’re naked.”

In an instant, his hand slipped inside the waistband of my briefs. Then, he pushed the briefs down with his fingertips.

“I can’t even grip it all with one hand.”

A voice like a sigh, like a dream, murmured in my ear.

As if to prove his words, he spread his fingers wide and gripped the flesh tightly. I could vividly imagine the white flesh bulging between his long fingers. His breath grew even more ragged as he looked down at my buttocks over my shoulder.

This time, he sank his teeth into the shoulder before me. However, he didn’t seem to care at all that I was biting and scratching his body.

The hand that had been shaking the flesh while gripping my buttocks now stroked the surface of the rounded curves with a ticklish, grazing touch.

“Having something like this… it must be easy to seduce men. Who would hate it? It’s maddening.”

“Now that you mention it… everyone seemed to especially like doggy style… ngh!”

Suddenly gripping my cheek tightly, he twisted the flesh.

It was the same reaction as in Bangkok. Just as expected. If I stimulated his jealousy, I could make him as rough as I wanted. While I liked his skill in stimulating my mental erogenous zones by whispering lewd things, it was also thrilling to see him lose his balance and sharpen his edge, revealing his possessiveness.

Having detached himself from my body, he didn’t delay any further. He unbuckled his own belt and stripped off his bottoms entirely. It happened in an instant. Completely naked, he bent over and yanked down the underwear that had been awkwardly caught mid-thigh.

Holding the edge of the pile of clothes caught at my ankles, he looked up with a composed face.

“What are you doing? Get your feet out.”

Pulling my feet out of the bunched-up pants, shoes, and underwear all at once, I bent my waist and took off my socks one by one. As soon as I became naked, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the bathroom behind us.

Fitting for a high-grade suite, the bathroom was spacious and pleasant. Decorated with ivory marble, it was overall elegant, with a luxurious feel added by the use of high-end finishing materials. A shower booth was positioned directly facing the dressing room, and to its right was a toilet perfectly separated by a door that obscured the interior.

He headed straight across the hall toward the shower booth. Pulling open the glass door, he stepped aside as if yielding the turn and looked back at me.

“……”

Was he really telling me to go in and shower alone?

Feeling a bit embarrassed by my naked body exposed under the bright lights, I looked at him while clumsily covering my genitals with my right hand, but he only arched an eyebrow with an expression that asked why I wasn’t getting in yet.

I like big ones, there were many men who liked my buttocks. —Whether it was a delusion or not, he seemed stimulated by my remarks. Like a young man throwing a childish fit of jealousy over a lover’s past, he wanted to see the first version of me that I had never shown anyone.

He stared at me without any change in expression. He seemed to have no intention of backing down.

“Hmm…”

I let out a sigh of resignation and stepped into the shower booth… but in truth, I didn’t feel any particular aversion. Rather, my skin was becoming sensitive with anticipation and curiosity.

The door closed behind me.

I walked toward the faucet and looked back before turning the lever. Leaning his shoulder against the narrow wall next to the glass door, he was looking this way askew. He was pretending to be composed, but his upper arms, chest, and shoulders—tightly crossed—were swollen taut with excitement.

Water poured from the large showerhead embedded in the ceiling. In an instant, my hair became soaked and covered my forehead. I swept the hair back with both hands. I could clearly feel his gaze obsessively scouring my back, buttocks, and bare legs.

In terms of being exposed to another person, it was no different from showering at a sauna. However, just by being conscious of the gaze watching me for sexual reasons, it became an act of a completely different color. The utterly mundane act of rubbing my shoulders with a sponge soaked in shower gel became part of a masturbatory act of self-pleasure.

It wasn’t even that his hand was touching my body. Beyond a single pane of glass, he was also completely naked like me. Yet, a sense of shame arose, as if I were the only one naked and my private parts were being forcibly exposed before him.

I raised my arms to wash my armpits, rubbed my chest and lower belly, and rubbed the sponge over my pubic hair. Spreading my legs slightly and lowering my posture awkwardly to rub my crotch… I had to bite my lower lip. A tremor ran through the core of my body. I knew that shame acted as a stimulant for me, but I didn’t know I would feel this much pleasure just from being watched.

I fumbled and leaned against the glass wall.

Rich foam flowed down various parts of my body. Even with that insignificantly light presence, my skin tingled. With my head lowered, I heaved my shoulders deeply to catch my breath. I pushed my hand deeper between my legs and rubbed the crack of my buttocks. The genitals entering my field of vision could not lie. My penis, flushed red and nodding, was openly revealing its state of arousal.

Fumbling, I set the sponge down on the shelf and put my hand between my legs once more. After rubbing and cleaning the bottom with my bare hand a few times, I pushed the nail of my middle finger into the hole, which had become slippery with foam.

“Ugh, mm. Ngh…”

In an awkward crouch, I inserted and withdrew my finger about one knuckle deep, gently loosening the tightness. That shallow insertion didn’t cause direct pleasure. However, the situation—that I was exposing the entire private preparation process for sex to him—was already a stimulation in itself.

It wasn’t hard to imagine how my current appearance was being painted in his mind behind me. The hand leaning on the glass wall slipped, and I had to reposition it several times.

“Hng, ngh. Gasp.”

Thump.

It was the sound of a dull weight hitting the glass.

I stopped my actions and looked back over my shoulder. Standing right in front of the shower booth, he was staring this way with his forehead leaning against the glass door. Thump, thump. He tapped the door lightly with his forehead a couple more times. His face looked somewhat crestfallen. As if he couldn’t enter because I hadn’t given him permission.

“Hnnn… ngh.”

Pushing my middle finger deeper, about two knuckles in, I looked down. He was slowly stroking his own penis, which had grown so hard it looked painful. Pre-cum was leaking from the thickly expanded glans almost like a stream, making the shaft glisten entirely. Every time his long fingers pushed toward the glans and pulled back toward the root, it bobbed heavily.

I wanted that thing shaking before my eyes.

Slowly withdrawing my finger from inside, I grabbed both cheeks and pulled them outward. I exposed the stretched hole nakedly before his eyes. I felt the path of the foam slowly flowing between the crack of my buttocks. Unconsciously, my muscles twitched with tension. The hole must have been fluttering.

I knew the door had opened as the air touching my skin turned cold. From behind, he hugged my body tightly. It was a strong grip that left me unable to move. His hard, hot penis was crushed into my buttocks, and his chest, touching my shoulder blades, was thumping wildly. The lips touching my earlobe whispered hotly.

“Do you always shower… so seductively?”

“Should I protect the fantasy, or tell you the reality?”

“Even if you tell me the reality, I think it’ll become a fantasy.”

I turned my head and met his eyes. In the meantime, his hair had also become soaking wet. His wet face looked more wild than usual. I wanted to kiss him. Sliding my tongue along his distinct jawline, I stroked the vein-popping arms that were tightly squeezing my torso.

“Usually, I do my douching… sitting down.”

“……”

I wondered if he didn’t know the meaning of douching, but seeing the lust deepen in his eyes as he looked down at me and blinked slowly, I knew that wasn’t it. His brow furrowed. His parted lips flickered as if to say something, then he bit his lower lip hard. Then, he lowered his head deeper and bit my neck.

“It makes me imagine it.”

The voice that murmured like a monologue after a short curse sounded pained.

“Ngh, the mark… you can’t leave a mark.”

“I know.”

This time, it was a voice suppressing anger. The arms that had been hugging me as if to burst my upper body released. Turning me around somewhat roughly, he pushed my chest toward the wall.

Even if I tried not to, my gaze kept drifting toward his center. The length that could cover my navel with the glans, and the thickness that seemed like it wouldn’t be fully gripped by one hand were one thing, but the strong power pushing up while bearing the weight of that huge object was equally unbelievable. There must be countless men in the world who would do anything just to have a penis like that.

Even in a state of being erect on his own without insertion, his penis was sex itself. It seemed there was no one who wouldn’t feel sexual desire with this glistening, heavily swaying thing before their eyes.

As he stepped close in front of me, he pressed the tip of his penis firmly over my pubic hair. As the distance closed, the glans slid up over my lower belly, rubbing against mine.

“Hng, hukk. Gasp!”

Finally, when the two penises were pressed tightly between his and my lower bellies, my waist jumped. I instinctively hugged him tight, wrapping my arms around the shoulders catching my chin. He, too, pressed in while twisting his entire body, as if to carve me into the tile wall. Like people who had found a chance to quench a long thirst, we clung to each other’s lips and tongues. Frantically rubbing our bodies against one another, we drew out as much pleasure as we desired. The foam covering my body transferred to him, making the sensation of flesh rubbing against flesh even more erotic.

His hand, squeezing in between the wall and me, parted the flesh of my buttocks to find the hole. I immediately tensed my whole body and lifted my chin, intertwining my tongue more deeply with his.

“Mm. Mmm. Mm.”

His hand fumbled its way into the entrance, which had become somewhat soft from my own touching. Feeling a completely different sensation than when I put my own hand in, I wrapped and crossed my legs around his thighs.

The finger that had withdrawn leaving only the nail was now pushed in—this time, all the way. I jumped and opened my eyes wide. Unable to endure the insertion of the finger rapidly repeating entering and withdrawing, I pulled my tongue away from his lips.

“Haa, hng! Ngh! No, ha… I feel like I’m going to die… nngh.”

He wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me tight so I couldn’t move. Then, this time, my buttocks shook violently. The only part of my body I could shake freely was my buttocks. Shove, slide, shove, slide… The flesh of my hips surged in time with the rhythm of the finger going in and out.

“Ha… don’t shake your waist like that. It makes me want to put it in right now.”

In a pained voice, he sucked my lower lip. Not only did the back feel dizzy every time I shook my waist, but I couldn’t stop because of the pleasure of my genitals rubbing.

“Jeong Ji-in, you don’t like pain either. If you hate pain… you shouldn’t do this.”

“Increase the number. Put one more in.”

“……”

“You don’t have to be… so kind… I like it anyway… ha-ut, hng!”

I put strength into my toes and lifted my heels. Another proudly thick finger overlapped, stretching my inner walls.

I hugged his neck and nibbled wildly on his earlobe. This time, it was he who shook his waist, not me. Even the feeling of the two penises trapped between our lower bellies rubbing and then slipping past each other was thrilling. I couldn’t tell if that primal slipperiness was due to the soapy water or the fluids flowing from our genitals.

Every muscle in his body, shaking me while mimicking sex, was expanded even more firmly.

“I, I think I’m going to come soon… there…!”

At the rotation of the finger pressing roundly and bluntly on the spot where my toes curled and my jaw dropped, I completely lost my reason. If a strange sound hadn’t caught my hearing while I gasped and scratched his back, I surely would have reached ejaculation right then.

“Wa-wait… outside, wh-what sound… hng, hng. Ah!”

He seemed to have no intention of showing mercy. He continued to stimulate that spot. I stretched my arm as far as possible and barely managed to turn off the lever. Once the sound of the water quieted, the sound of the bell became clearer in my ears.

“Outside… the bell. The bell! I told you someone’s here!”

When I pounded his shoulder wildly, only then did he stop his hip movements and look back. Although he spat out a short curse, he—who seemed like he wouldn’t stop even if God himself visited—obediently pulled his fingers out of my body.

“Ugh, ngh…”

The sensation of withdrawing was as much of a shock as the pressure of being filled, making my shoulders hunch, but there was nothing I could do about it for now.

Opening the glass door and stepping out, he returned with the robe that had been hanging at the bathroom entrance. Then, he draped the robe over my shoulders as I struggled to manage my excitement while still leaning against the tile wall.

After a brief interval, the bell rang again.

Picking up the other robe and throwing it on haphazardly, he disappeared into the hallway through the dressing room. Raising my arm to wipe the water from my face with the fluffy robe, I followed him. My legs trembled as I stepped, and my fingertips lacked strength as I adjusted the robe.

I hadn’t ordered anything via room service. I wondered who the sudden visitor was. Since this was also his workplace, I was slightly concerned.

I pressed myself close to the inside of the dressing room door connected to the hallway and listened. Unconsciously, I was clutching the robe over my left breast. The excitement remaining in my body, which he had stirred up, was still hot.

It sounded like they were exchanging a few brief words, but I couldn’t grasp the exact content.

“……”

The visitor didn’t stay long. After the sound of the door closing, he returned with quick steps and stopped abruptly upon discovering me. Before I could say a word, he turned in an instant and blocked my path.

Blocking any gap to escape with his body, he turned his head and overlapped our lips first. Driving me fiercely toward the wardrobe behind me while kissing, he was like a trained hound that would pounce the moment I entered its sight.

“Mm. Mmm. Gasp.”

The two plump lower lips rubbed against each other, and the moment I let out a moan at the stinging sensation of being sucked strongly, his tongue invaded as if it had been waiting. I had to open my mouth wide to receive the throbbing tongue pushing deep inside. My jaw hurt, similar to receiving a penis.

If I were to take his thing, which was poking my lower belly inside the robe, into my mouth, it probably wouldn’t end with this level of stiffness.

While I was making such an estimation in my head, he gripped my robe around my thigh with his right hand. He pulled the robe up little by little, as if scratching with his fingertips. Lifting the robe enough to fumble with the bare skin inside, he stroked my thighs, which hadn’t completely dried yet.

His hand slid inward, toward the groin. In his other hand, a yellow paper bag rustled as he gently stroked my penis, which had become explosively sensitive.

“Who… came?”

Instead of answering, he pressed an envelope into my hands. I left him to shower my neck and chest with kisses, the skin exposed above the collar of my robe, and reached inside the envelope. Inside were two boxes of condoms and two 120ml bottles of lube.

“0.03mm Super Slim Real Fit — Feel each other’s deepest parts more realistically,” the advertising slogan read on the back of the box. For a moment, my earlobes flushed hot.

Pushing away the collar of my robe that had been neatly closed with my chin, I pushed against his shoulder as he fumbled around the cleft of my buttocks.

“Wh…! Wh-what on earth did you make me buy…! Haa…”

At my sigh, he straightened up and snatched the condom box, shaking it in front of my eyes.

“What else was I supposed to do? Do you think you can do this with me without these?”

Then, he tore open the box and pulled out the contents. Tearing off a single foil packet from the long strip and tossing the rest onto the floor, he untied the belt of his own robe and pulled the front open.

“Even so, asking someone else to buy things like this…”

Unconsciously, my voice softened. To be honest, it was hard to resist the overflowing sexual appeal of the penis revealed before me. I was just as desperate as he was, having been stopped at the peak of excitement, right on the verge of ejaculating.

Whew, whew… whew… Trying not to rush, he steadied his breathing as he gently rolled the condom down his shaft. His eyes, which had been looking down at his own member, flickered over to me.

“I didn’t know… we’d be doing it today.”

“……”

“I didn’t know I’d get to see you today. And I didn’t know you’d take me back. When you pretended not to know me… I really thought it was the end…”

Even though he was talking while putting a condom on the organ he was about to insert into me, for some reason, the words coming from his mouth sounded like whispered confessions of love.

Having rolled the condom all the way down, he gripped the edge of my waist tie and pulled. The closed flaps of my robe naturally fell open. Of course, underneath, I was stark naked. That was enough preparation for insertion.

The hastily procured condoms seemed a bit small for him. A good portion of the base of his shaft remained beneath the latex ring. I wondered if it would hurt, having his member forced into such a small condom. While I was thinking that, he reached inside my open robe, wrapped his arms around my waist, and drew close.

“I didn’t know we’d meet again like this…”

Rubbing his lips against my temple, he murmured as if talking to himself. Just as he had in Bangkok, he occasionally showed a sentimental side that didn’t quite fit a relationship based on meeting for sex. I didn’t know how others reacted, but I didn’t dislike it.

I raised my arms to wrap them around his neck, fiddling with the damp hair at the back of his head as I met his eyes.

“I… was surprised too.”

“……”

His eyes, which had been quietly searching mine, distorted in the next moment as if pleading with sadness.

“You looked like you hated it when I appeared.”

Despite his large frame, he felt like a gentle beast that had been wounded, and my heart ached. Even though he was a man rubbing a monstrously large member against my lower abdomen, I felt an impulse to soothe him and tell him that wasn’t the case.

“It’s not that I hated it…”

“You were troubled?”

Of course, I was flustered the moment I saw his face, but that wasn’t all. However, before I could add an explanation, he turned me around. Having the envelope snatched from my left hand, I braced myself against the wardrobe in front of me as he pressed firmly against me from behind.

Thud. He dropped the envelope on the floor. The moment I looked down at it, my robe was hiked up to my waist.

Without bothering to pour it into his palm, he held the circular gel case upside down and liberally squirted it onto the area where his member and my buttocks met.

“Mm…”

My shoulders trembled at the sensation of the viscous liquid seeping between our pressed skin. After soaking my buttocks with an excessive amount, he slowly rotated his hips, rubbing the glans against the entrance.

The entrance, softened by the foreplay in the bathroom, swallowed the glans without much resistance. That didn’t mean it accepted him smoothly. At the heavy pressure that took my breath away, I had to collapse my upper body, scratching at the closed wardrobe.

Just as I thought the glans had finally entered completely, it would suddenly slide out and then slowly push back in again. In the process, the muscles softened, and the friction of the mucous membranes began to spark heat.

“Haaah… hng…”

When the spot he had been pressing with his fingers earlier was rubbed by the smooth surface of the glans, my thighs trembled. Capturing the exact moment when pleasure outweighed the pain, he increased the speed of his thrusts.

“Ah… ha! Ahh…”

My mind blurred and cleared repeatedly. The wardrobe was definitely built-in, yet it felt as if the wardrobe—the entire room—was shaking along with me. The rattling vibration woke up not just the inside of my buttocks where he was lodged, but my entire body.

“Not there, don’t do it there… rather, deeper… inside, hng, ngh!”

I flailed my arms behind me, trying to pull away the arms holding my waist, but it was useless.

“Do you know that your moans change when I hit it right here?”

“Haa, hng… ngh!”

“When I thrust deep inside, it’s a dragging kind of moan… but when I rub here, you make… such a pretty sound.”

“Ah, hng, hng…”

“You must like it.”

Sluuuurp. The member that had been obsessively scratching and pressing against my prostate suddenly pushed in deep. Gah, k-khhh, hah. Unable to even scream, I gasped for air, my eyes and mouth wide open.

Gripping me above the elbows, he pulled me up to a standing position. Then, he wrapped both arms around my chest, binding me tightly. The flesh of my buttocks was crushed against his pelvis, leaving no gap between us. Even though I couldn’t breathe properly, I instinctively rotated my hips, rubbing my buttocks against his pubic hair.

His lips against my ear were hot.

“I heard those bastards loved doggy style. That Jeong Ji-in likes big ones. Were you… satisfied… with those pathetic losers? They probably just panted for their own pleasure. Those sons of bitches.”

It was a mutter that sounded like he was talking while out of his mind.

Held in his embrace, which wrapped around both my torso and arms, I was raked open with my freedom restricted.

“Haa! Hng! Ngh! Ugh, ngh!”

“Jeong Ji-in needs to be fucked like this to like it. Those guys who didn’t even know… could they have possibly satisfied you?”

My stomach, my chest, my buttocks, my limbs, and my head. A pleasure so intense it felt unbearable, as if I were being corrupted, beat down my entire body. It felt as if a demon were embracing and ravishing me. The terrifying pleasure he had spoken of was now upon me.

“Stop, stop… please! Stop!”

Just before ejaculation, my inner walls writhed frantically, squeezing his member. It wasn’t an intentional movement. Like a live fish dragged onto land, I flopped and ejaculated before I could even compose myself.

“I came, I came!”

“I know. Even now, every time I thrust… you’re still coming, dry.”

“Haa, ngh! Khhh!”

Even after spraying semen from my penis, the pleasure in the back continued to surge in waves, making my stomach tremble. Because I was feeling so much, there was no pain even though I had swallowed that massive member entirely. However, the sensation of a flesh-slab as thick as a forearm filling me and sliding in and out was still very present.

It was hard to even hold my head up. As if I had forgotten how to tense my muscles, saliva dripped from the corners of my mouth and down my chin.

“Stop… wait, just… just a moment, no… it’s coming again…! It’s coming again!”

My body, which had been limp in his arms, stiffened once more. Another strong orgasm was surging up from the bottom of my feet. I shuddered, tossing my shoulders at a sensation so unfamiliar it felt as if a mass of slippery liquid was about to gush out from below.

A sweat-soaked breath, smelling of sticky lubrication, whispered in my ear.

“If you want me to stop, you just have to say one word.”

If I truly hated it, all I had to do was say one word: ‘Darling.’

But I never called out the safe word.

■

I suddenly opened my eyes, and a thin sliver of light was leaking in from the far edge of my vision.

Ah, I must have been asleep until just now. Relying on the light leaking through the edge of the blackout curtains, I looked up at the ceiling and then turned my head. The spot beside me was empty.

What time is it…

Propping myself up on my elbows, I roughly brushed back my annoying hair. Looking at the nightstand, my phone was there, as expected. It was charging. No matter how much I searched my memory of last night, I had no recollection of bringing the phone from the jacket pocket I’d left in the living room and plugging it into the charger. A faint smile escaped me.

“And he said he wouldn’t move me.”

My last memory was in the bathtub. After the play ended, I had completely collapsed on the bed, and he had come to get me after filling the tub with water. I had even felt a pointless sense of rebellion toward him, as he showed no sign of exhaustion despite having used several times more stamina than I had.

I had just wanted to fall asleep right there, regardless of the bath, but I knew for sure I would regret it the next morning when I saw the stickiness of sweat and dried semen stains clinging to my body. He had practically carried me to the bathroom by grabbing my arms, and I had soaked my body in the tub.

As the day’s tension and unpleasantness were somewhat resolved, drowsiness poured in. While I leaned the back of my head against the edge of the tub and closed my eyes, he had kept annoying me, pressing my instep with his toes to tell me not to fall asleep. He said that even if I did, he wouldn’t move me to the bed.

I’m not a child; he wouldn’t have just lifted me lightly and brought me to bed. Nor was I so intoxicated that I wouldn’t have woken up from such a movement…

I tried massaging my temples to remember how I had been moved to the bed, but that part remained blurrily blank.

Reaching out to check my phone, it was past 11 AM. I had messages from the CEO, Hong-seo, and Jae-woo. Come to think of it, after leaving Director Kang Woo-hyun’s house yesterday, I hadn’t contacted anyone from the company.

I wasn’t a twenty-something idol who had to be strictly cautioned about alcohol and dating, and since I had never caused any problems, the company didn’t try to interfere much in my private life. They were probably worried because I had stayed out overnight without notice. It wasn’t a frequent occurrence. Perhaps the CEO was trying to explain what had happened in the second-floor reception room.

The problems I was able to forget while having sex overnight, naturally, still remained exactly as they were. Everything was a nuisance. I felt I could understand the psychology of people who become addicted to sex and use it as an escape. I wanted to push everything back just a bit longer, at least until I left this room.

Slowly propping my chin up with two stacked, plush pillows, I scrolled through my phone and realized I hadn’t exchanged contact information with him. If my memory served me right, the business card I had received last night didn’t have his personal mobile number on it.

Hmm, if it’s him, he probably left a note… As I sat up and searched the nightstand, a laugh escaped me.

[I’m leaving first because I have to go to work. I work on the 5th floor of the same building. There’s no specific checkout time for that room, so have some room service and rest as long as you like. I’ll be looking forward to the signing of the contract.]

At the bottom of the note, his contact information was written.

Sitting with a pillow on my lap, I entered his number into my phone, chuckling several times like someone with air in their lungs. Contrary to appearances, he has a meticulous side.

Come to think of it, my wrists were fine. After moving to the bedroom, we had played with my hands tied using the robe’s belt. But even after checking both wrists, there wasn’t a single faint bruise from the pressure. He’s a real professional.

Massaging my wrists, which left no trace as if last night’s deviation were a lie, I found myself feeling a bit disappointed. To be disappointed that there are no traces of sex… I felt as if I had become a different person overnight.

Though there were no marks on my skin, I had muscle aches like last time. It was a pleasantly stiff pain, the kind that comes after exercising with more intensity than usual. Thanks to that, I had slept deeply for the first time in a while, and as hunger set in, my appetite returned. I felt like I was actually living. I just wanted to hold onto this feeling a bit longer.

I pulled up his saved contact and typed a message.

《I’m thinking of ordering room service. What’s the recommended menu from an insider?》

Pushing aside the sheet I had been covering my naked body with, I cautiously stepped onto the floor, feeling a bit nervous. Perhaps because we mostly chose doggy style, I surprisingly didn’t feel much muscle pain in my legs.

Just as I was about to step toward the bathroom, ding, a reply flew back instantly, as if he had been waiting only for my message.

《Tell me whatever menu you want. I’ll tell the kitchen.》

Why go that far…

《Isn’t that also a form of abuse of power?》

《I do that even when employees’ families visit.》

Is he not an employee? Ah, regular employees with a lower rank than him?

《I’m not part of your family. Just recommend something from the room service menu.》

《How about grilled mackerel for Korean food? It comes with seaweed soup, so it’ll be hearty.》

《That sounds good. I’ll try it as recommended.》

The messages that had been arriving instantly seemed to take a bit more time this time, so I moved to the bathroom with my phone. Even while brushing my teeth, my eyes kept flickering toward the phone on the sink.

Come to think of it, my mouth had probably been forced open for over 30 minutes, yet there was no problem with my jaw muscles. With foam on my lips, I turned my face this way and that in front of the mirror, repeatedly opening and closing my lower jaw. Then, the unconventional acts that had taken place in this bathroom belatedly came to mind. The space that had been an elegant suite bathroom had instantly turned into a stage created for sex.

Ding. At the notification that a message had arrived, I picked up the phone with the hand not holding the toothbrush.

《It would be nice to eat together, but I have a business lunch scheduled, so I don’t think I can make time during the lunch hour. That’s a shame. Even if you go to the front desk, they won’t settle the room charge or room service costs for that room. So just leave the key in the room when you go. Unless the company is coming to pick you up, should I send my car? It might be a bit awkward to leave the hotel alone in broad daylight. And your outfit is too much of a party look.》

No wonder he was late; he sent such a long message.

I imagined his large frame pressing the phone screen to send messages in between work hours. Then, I locked eyes with myself in the mirror, who was grinning. Was he also looking at his phone with this kind of face at his office desk?

I rinsed the foam from my mouth with water, wiped my lips with a towel, and walked toward the tub. I tossed the used towel into the empty tub and typed a reply.

《No, that’s okay. I can just contact the company. Thanks for the concern.》

《I’ll contact you at this number from now on. Is that okay?》

《Sure, I’ll be waiting.》

I’ll be waiting.

I wrote and erased that last sentence a few times, but thinking it would be more ridiculous to be self-conscious about it, I just sent it.

He seemed quite adept at handling this situation—the day after having slept with a stranger. Since the world is full of bastards who say they love you while treating you like trash, there could be people who treat you with manners even if you aren’t a romantic partner.

Yes, what’s the harm? It goes without saying that a kind guy is better than a rude one, even if he’s just a sexual partner. I wanted physical dominance in bed, but I had no interest in someone who acted overbearing outside of it.

I stepped into the shower booth and surrendered my body to the warm stream of water. While my eyes were closed, I felt as if his rough kisses were opening and digging into my lips. Surprisingly, despite having sex until I was completely drained last night, my member reacted.

■

“Hyung, you’ve never been like this. Do you know how worried I was?”

Before my buttocks even touched the back seat, Jae-woo’s nagging began.

“Sorry. I ended up drinking a bit with a friend.”

“You weren’t drinking with Tae-yoon Hyung. Was it that friend from Italy you met at the Nox Hotel event last time?”

“Ah… uh… yeah, something like that.”

I felt Jae-woo’s presence checking my face through the rearview mirror. Pretending to still feel the fatigue of drinking late into the night, I massaged the nape of my neck and shifted my gaze out the window. Nothing entered my sight except the bleak scenery of the underground parking lot.

“Did something happen at Director Kang’s house, by any chance?”

Jae-woo asked cautiously.

Going radio silent and disappearing without a word. Usually, I would have been with Tae-yoon during such times, but this time, not even that was the case. Quite literally, I was acting out of character. It was no wonder Jae-woo speculated that something must have happened in Pyeongchang-dong.

I took off my jacket, tossed it onto the passenger seat, and sank deep into the backrest, closing my eyes.

“It’s not… exactly an ‘incident,’ I just wasn’t feeling great.”

“The CEO told me to bring you to your office. Does this have something to do with that?”

“To the office?”

My eyes snapped open.

As Jae-woo navigated a curved section of the hotel’s underground parking lot, he nodded vigorously while keeping his eyes on the road. Once we completely cleared the exit, the early summer afternoon sunlight was radiant. Even through the heavily tinted windows, the light felt white and abundant.

“Should I tell him we’re coming right now? Or do you want to stop by the house? I brought a change of clothes.”

Jae-woo glanced back and pointed behind the driver’s seat. Now that I looked, there was a shopping bag sitting in the passenger legroom.

“There’s… no word from Director Hwang Su-young?”

“You said she told you she’d get back to you within two weeks. There’s still time, so we should wait a bit longer.”

Despite his words, there was a tension in Jae-woo’s voice. It was a stark contrast to the last time, when he had been ecstatic, claiming that once this casting was successful, becoming a Hallyu star would only be a matter of time.

Driving slowly down the slope, we had to stop at the first traffic light as soon as we passed the Nox Hotel gates. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

It wasn’t the beginning of the casting process. At a point where only one role remained, a two-week wait for a final decision after the audition was typically far too long. Either they intended to audition more actors in the meantime before deciding, or the audition hadn’t been impressive enough to make a swift decision within a day or two… It was likely one of the two. Either way, it wasn’t a hopeful situation.

Still, since only two days had passed, I wanted to hold onto hope. For some reason, I felt a lingering attachment to this audition. It was an unusual case for me, as I had never been greedy for a specific role and had simply accepted the jobs that came my way in order. It wasn’t just because I had been without a project for half a year.

As I rummaged through the shopping bag on my lap, Jae-woo spoke cautiously once more.

“Should I try visiting the Director to pay my respects? Just to ask for her favor. Or maybe the CEO could treat her to a meal personally…”

I shook my head.

“It won’t do any good.”

“The female lead from her last project, Jeon Gyu-eun. I heard her agency’s president had dinner with Director Hwang before the casting too.”

Having only spoken with Director Hwang twice, I couldn’t say I knew her well. It was also true that she didn’t exactly radiate an aura of integrity. If I had brought wine on the day of the audition, she probably would have accepted it gladly. Even so, I felt that the wine wouldn’t have been the reason I landed the role.

If someone had secured a role after treating her to an expensive meal, wouldn’t that have been a role they could have landed even without the meal? It was a guess based on only two meetings, but that guess was hardening into a personal conviction.

I half-listened to Jae-woo reciting the history of hospitality Director Hwang had received, gathered from various rumors, as I began unbuttoning my shirt. Once I had completely removed my top, my gaze drifted to my wrist again.

I wish the mark had remained.

I gripped my wrist as if feeling a phantom ache. My pulse, which I usually didn’t notice, was beating clearly there.

■

‘Layered’ was the first idol group planned and debuted by UB Entertainment. Until then, the company had consisted solely of actors, to the point where many industry insiders knew them as an actor-specialized agency.

I heard that several big opportunities had come to the company over the years.

There were two or three actors who grew into top stars at UB. However, they did not renew their contracts. To use Jae-woo’s expression, they left the company to sign with ‘large agencies befitting those illustrious top stars.’

Jae-woo still scowled whenever he saw them, calling them traitors who knew no loyalty, but it was hard to view them as traitors when they had faithfully fulfilled their obligations during their contract period and left for better terms. From UB’s perspective, it would have been impossible to meet the demands of those who had already become top stars to secure a renewal.

Since there were no messy lawsuits—which frequently occur in the industry during agency transfers—UB was positively evaluated as a company that handled partings relatively cleanly.

After signing my contract about four years ago, the company never forced an unreasonable schedule on me. Although it was small, it was still a business that had to pay monthly salaries to employees, so they did bring in work like print ads, pictorials, and event appearances, but they never blindly pushed work on me just because it was profitable.

Among my colleagues who debuted around the same time, many had to hold signing events at grand openings of large marts or electronics stores, or were called almost daily to drinking sessions with high-ranking executives of production companies, investors, or PDs. Some volunteered out of their own ambition, but others were mobilized semi-forcibly under pressure from their agencies to secure roles.

I felt I had been incredibly lucky in that I was never forced into unwanted gatherings during my rookie days after debuting in the entertainment industry.

That was why the incident in Director Kang Woo-hyun’s drawing room was even more unexpected.

“I’ll park and come in. You go up first, Hyung.”

Due to some traffic, it took about 40 minutes to arrive near the company building. UB occupied the third floor of a building in Gangnam-gu, where various entertainment agencies, large and small, were clustered.

Since it had been a while since I visited the office, I first stopped by a famous nearby cafe to buy some snacks for the employees.

Excluding the stylists under external contracts and the managers who spent most of their time in the field, there were only about three or four employees stationed at the office. Compared to Look Planning, Yoon Ju-ho’s agency, the scale was not just cozy, but practically minuscule.

As I was handing snacks to the welcoming employees and preparing to move toward the CEO’s office in the back, the CEO walked out toward us, slipping his arms into his jacket.

“Let’s go. You haven’t been to the office in a while; I should at least feed you.”

The room service I had at the hotel hadn’t fully digested yet, and I wasn’t in the mood to eat something while sitting across from the CEO, but since he had already decided and was leading the way, I had no choice but to follow.

True to his background as a model, the CEO was tall and had an excellent sense of fashion. Even now, long after retiring from active modeling, he maintained a toned physique and never neglected his attire.

The period when the CEO was active as a model was long before I entered Korea, so I didn’t know the actual atmosphere of that time. However, I often heard that he had been a quite recognized model. In Korea, where the demand for male models is low and their careers are short, he reportedly stayed at the top for about five years and was responsible for the endings of major shows.

As he entered his late twenties, he attempted to transition into acting, but it wasn’t easy. He failed to establish himself for reasons such as having a personality that was too strong or being too masculine, which limited the roles he could play. Though the content differed from the evaluations I was receiving now, the context was similar.

The place we arrived at in the CEO’s car was a high-end Chinese restaurant not far from the office.

The restaurant was quiet, having passed the peak rush hour. Perhaps because he had made a reservation, we were guided to a private room in the back as soon as we entered.

“Shall we do the course menu?” the CEO asked, opening the menu book.

“I’m actually not very hungry… If you haven’t eaten, please feel free to enjoy your meal.”

“Really? Actually, I already ate with a client. I thought you’d be hungry since I heard you spent the night drinking somewhere. I should have asked before bringing you along.”

The CEO ordered one type of cold appetizer, braised pork belly with sea cucumber, and a bottle of white wine. An employee who seemed to be at the manager level handled the service, and the two seemed quite friendly. It appeared to be a place he visited frequently lately.

While drinking the tea provided before the food arrived, I absentmindedly looked around the room. The air conditioner was running so strongly it was almost chilly, so the warmth of the tea felt just right despite it being July.

“You’ve been debuted for three years now, right? Your contract expires next autumn. It feels like just yesterday that we first met on ‘Piano’.”

“……”

“I’m grateful that you’ve been diligent and haven’t caused any trouble until now.”

Without any particular response, I simply smiled, slightly curling the corners of my lips.

As the CEO said, after , which was my first proper role, I had worked relentlessly regardless of the importance of the role or the nature of the project. Mini-series, weekend dramas, terrestrial TV, cable… I didn’t discriminate.

While a project was ongoing, I had no room to think about other things, so I accepted any position that came my way.

Even for someone like me, who worked without special ambition, it felt hollow to see a rookie actor from a large agency, who hadn’t even been debuted for a year, take a lead role.

That hollowness doubled when I learned that the actor, loved for a pure charm that was almost eccentric, was actually a human being far from pure and even irresponsible—habitually breaking appointments and showing up on set without even memorizing their own lines, leaving everyone bewildered.

“But on the other hand, I feel sorry, wondering if I’ve neglected you too much in the name of respect. Connecting you with incoming work and driving you to the set isn’t all a company should do…”

The CEO crossed his arms firmly and looked down at some spot on the table.

With his head tilted slightly, it was difficult to gauge his age. He could look like he was in his early 40s, or like someone in his mid-to-late 50s who had aged well through careful management. He was a masculine beauty, just as he had been in his youth, but separately from that, his face lacked a distinct impression.

The CEO was actually in his late 40s. Stubbornness, meanness, slyness, greed, gentleness, generosity, composure… usually, by that age, what a person has filled their years with becomes their countenance and naturally reveals itself on their face. However, the CEO’s face had none of that. It was hard to guess what kind of person he was, and because of that, I didn’t feel comfortable with him even after knowing him for four years.

Recalling his previous words, I traced the warm surface of the teacup with my fingertips.

Is that why he called me to that gathering yesterday? Because he felt he had neglected me, he tried to connect me with work through ‘bundling,’ just as Director Kang said?

As I guessed this and brought the teacup to my lips, I had to stop my movement.

“Is your family in Italy still doing well?”

“Yes… thanks to you.”

The sudden change in topic was puzzling. The moment I set the tea back down, there was a knock. An employee had brought the wine.

The CEO skipped the tasting, and the employee poured wine into our glasses before leaving.

The CEO took a sip or two first, as if demonstrating, saying it was a wine that didn’t need to be drunk cold and would pair well with the dishes coming out shortly. Then, like someone about to bring up a difficult topic, he paused for a long time.

“By any chance… are you thinking of returning to Italy once your contract ends?”

“……”

I had never thought about it in such concrete terms.

And yet, as soon as I heard the question, I felt a prick of guilt, as if some sinister ulterior motive had been discovered.

For rookies without prior experience, it was common to start with a contract of about seven years. There were even predatory agencies that proposed ten years to aspirants desperate for a debut. In my case, it was a five-year contract, so it was a relatively short period.

I had spent a while frantically handling whatever work came my way, but over the past six months, perhaps a desire to return had begun to grow unconsciously.

Paelli. ‘Mio Palazzo,’ my mother’s hotel and my family’s home. The sounds of my mother and siblings arguing and laughing.

Of course, I had always missed it.

But now, even if I returned to Paelli and stayed by my family’s side, it could no longer be comfortable. Wasn’t the realization that my paradise had been destroyed one of the reasons I decided to come to Korea?

“No, I don’t particularly have those thoughts. I still have time left on my contract.”

The CEO didn’t seem to be listening to my answer very closely.

“I know your family isn’t struggling to the point where you need to provide financial support. You told me so yourself. But Ji-in… ha… well, since we’re like family, I’m speaking honestly, so don’t take this the wrong way.”

“……”

“Seeing as you’re still living in the company dormitory, it seems your family in Italy isn’t that well-off either… How about hardening your heart and properly fulfilling your filial duty for once, hm?”

Until the investment recovery was complete, living in the dormitory was mandatory. It was a clause specified in the contract. Only after completing a full year after debut was I able to clear all the accumulated investment costs.

The reason I didn’t move out after that wasn’t because my family was struggling financially, but because I had no particular complaints about dormitory life. Whether it was because I had no desire for luxury houses in wealthy areas or large imported cars… or whether it was because a part of me still viewed my life in Korea as temporary, I couldn’t tell.

However, I believe there was a basis for the CEO’s misunderstanding.

Many colleagues and hubaes, once they cleared their investment funds and started generating income, immediately moved houses and changed cars. It happened nine times out of ten. It was also common for the company to first suggest changing the house and car around the time the investment recovery was imminent. It was a system where they were provided with a house and car beyond what their current income could afford, and then they paid it back.

Hong-seo called that ‘My-king.’

Although I felt more comfortable with Korean as my native tongue than English or Italian, I was inevitably a bit weak when it came to slang. Hong-seo told me that ‘My-king’ was slang for debt owed to the company.

It was a system that looked like the company was treating the actor out of trust, but in the end, it was money that had to be repaid. In that it encouraged a lifestyle more luxurious than one’s actual income, it was even more dangerous than general debt.

When my answer didn’t come easily, the CEO leaned his upper body forward, taking a more proactive stance.

“Or, do you want to move dorms this time? It’s already been four years since you signed the contract, and living in a shabby dormitory might be killing your motivation. You can’t even drive a car right up to the current dorm. You probably want some privacy too. Shall I look into an officetel with a Han River view? A size suitable for living alone.”

The CEO was suggesting that I use exactly that ‘My-king.’

As my silence continued, the CEO’s voice lowered.

“Ji-in.”

“……”

“If you just harden your resolve to properly establish yourself, I can bring in work from all over. Until now, I’ve only recommended work that came in, but I’ve spent several years rubbing elbows in this industry… I’m capable of snagging a role for you. But I can only push for it if you want it yourself. Do you lack ambition, or has your heart drifted away?”

Including Director Hwang Su-young, I felt a bitter smile escape as I realized I had been hearing things in that vein often lately.

“That’s funny…”

“Actually, lately… I’ve been thinking that I need to make a decision one way or another. As you know better than anyone, this isn’t an easy industry where you can survive just by idling away the time…”

The CEO’s gaze suddenly turned sharp.

“Why, did something happen?”

Narrowing his brow and lowering his voice, he was expressing concern, but strangely, to my eyes, he looked as if he were suppressing interest and excitement.

“Surely… it’s not something that would provide a scoop for the press?”

Shaking his head as if that were impossible, the CEO narrowed his eyes.

Just then, the food was ready. The CEO naturally interrupted the conversation and gave moderate praise for the plating of the dishes being served.

Meanwhile, the image of Yi-han from the Nox Hotel naturally surfaced in my mind.

Something that would provide a scoop for the press.

If the CEO found out what happened last night, he’d probably clutch the back of his neck in shock. He was the kind of man who had urged me that even if I were to sleep with someone in a place he didn’t know about, I should at least choose someone within the same industry.

But why was it? I didn’t have a particular fondness for the CEO, nor did I have any special ill will toward him, yet I felt like an immature adolescent boy, feeling a sense of thrill from committing a minor transgression while dodging a strict parent.

The CEO personally served food onto my plate, mentioning that the owner-chef here had been the head chef at a certain hotel’s Chinese restaurant for twenty years, so the quality of the cuisine was exceptionally high.

Just as the CEO said, the dongpo-yuk was plump and tender, with the layers of fat still intact. However, this wasn’t a gathering for enjoying food. I pretended to eat a little out of politeness and then set down my chopsticks. The CEO also seemed to have little interest in the food he had praised so much, as he continued to empty his wine glass.

“Ji-in, I told you this when we were drafting the contract, but in this muddy swamp of an industry, we are essentially family sharing the same boat. You have to disclose everything, even the smallest distance that could become a seed of a problem. That way, the company can prepare responses in advance for any bombs that might potentially go off. Right?”

“……”

Did he judge my silence as a sign that there actually was a problem? The CEO pulled his chair closer.

“What is it? Money issues? Women?”

“There’s nothing like that. I think… I’m just in a slump. I’ve never taken such a long break between projects since my debut.”

The CEO nodded, but he didn’t seem to take my words at face value.

“Your self-management is excellent, but… there’s no one who doesn’t have some dust on them when shaken. Dust is just dust, not filth… but whether it’s the public or the press, they pounce on a single speck of dust as if they want to kill you…”

Suddenly feeling stifled, the CEO tugged slightly at the knot of his tie and drained more than half of his freshly refilled wine in one go. Then, despite there being no one else to listen, he rolled his eyes to scan the surroundings and lowered his voice.

“As long as your contract with me is valid, there is no one in this industry more on your side than I am. You must believe that clearly. It’s a fact that if something goes wrong with you, it becomes a headache for both me and UB. Whether it’s a matter of affection, family history, money, or whatever… if you think there’s even a slight chance of a problem, make sure to consult me before it explodes. Okay?”

The CEO emphasized that point several times. In itself, it wasn’t a lie. However, I had no intention of sharing my problems with anyone other than UB. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust the CEO. It would have been the same regardless of which company I had signed with.

Looking at me as I merely nodded in silence, the CEO looked a bit frustrated. He sighed as if giving up and relaxed his shoulders. Then, he changed the subject, creating a new kind of tension.

“Actually… I think I can arrange a meeting with someone who can give you a great opportunity. Since you hate ‘networking’ so much, the company hasn’t brought it up until now. But if you’ve changed your mind, I can set up a meeting. Honestly… you’ve been in the industry long enough to know, but there’s a limit to the roles you can land based solely on your work without networking.”

“Ah, that’s right! You’re close with Yoon Ju-ho. You know how Yoon Ju-ho carves out time from his busy schedule to drink with PDs, directors, executives, investors… people like that, right? Don’t think of it as networking; think of it as building connections.”

In this industry, there is no such thing as irreplaceable value. For a single role, there might be two or three, or even four or five actors with a fitting image. So, who would the people with the casting power choose among actors with similar images? In the end, it comes down to personal acquaintance.

The CEO rambled on about this for quite a while.

“If you’re okay with it, I can set up the meeting immediately. It’s an opportunity to enter a new project within this quarter.”

“The results for Director Hwang’s audition aren’t out yet.”

“……”

This time, the CEO looked as if he had been hit where it hurts.

“Ah… oh, right. That’s still pending.”

Avoiding my gaze, the CEO searched for his wine glass. It seemed the company wasn’t expecting much from this casting.

“I’ll let you know… once the casting for is officially fallen through.”

Though he looked like he hadn’t received the refreshing answer he wanted, the CEO nodded.

“Fine. Whether it’s a new dorm or a car, the company is willing to support you whenever you want. Just say the word if you need it.”

“Yes, I will. Thank you.”

“And about yesterday… I’m sorry. I know you hate that kind of networking… but as I proceeded with Director Kang’s project, I got greedy. Even if the Director misunderstood, I wasn’t trying to just bundle you in blindly. I just felt that the role I mentioned was truly perfect for you the more I thought about it.”

It was true that I did not like ‘networking.’

However, even if I were cast in , strictly speaking, it was thanks to Yoon Ju-ho introducing me to Director Hwang, which was essentially networking through connections. It wasn’t fundamentally different from the CEO calling me to Director Kang Woo-hyun’s party. It was just a more humiliating setting, dealing with more rude people.

Having finished everything he wanted to say, the CEO asked for the bill. Looking down at the food that had gone cold without even a third of it being eaten, I asked as if I had suddenly remembered.

“Was Hong-seo confirmed for Director Kang’s movie?”

“What’s gotten into you, asking about that?”

The CEO smirked, glancing at me, then changed his expression to a serious one and nodded.

“It looks like it’ll go well thanks to you. Hong-seo’s casting was almost certain, and the setup was such that they could start production as soon as the investment was settled… yeah, I think it’ll work out.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Hong-seo is a guy who’s obsessed with success… I wish I could mix half of you and half of Hong-seo.”

After finishing his wine, the CEO called the office to summon a driver. On the way to Gangbuk, I declined his offer to drop me off at the company and left the restaurant first. I wanted to walk for a bit.

■

My mother was a ‘star of her time.’

Born as the youngest daughter of the owner family of a comprehensive food manufacturing company that held more than half the market share in snacks, beverages, and frozen foods, my mother debuted at age five in a snack commercial for a group subsidiary. That commercial gained national popularity, and my mother continued to work as a child actress.

Her transition to an adult actress—a transition where many child stars fail—was also smooth. She walked a paved road as an actress until she announced her retirement in her late twenties.

Because she came from a chaebol family, she received more attention and more hostility than other actors. The clothes and bags she wore, where she lived, her vacation spots, and even the snack bar she visited became topics of interest.

However, it took less than two years for the life of the beloved actress ‘Jung Yoon (real name Jung Yoon-hwa)’ to be completely pushed out of the public’s interest after her retirement.

Unless she intentionally chose to reveal something, the life of a retired actress who had even migrated abroad did not remain a topic of conversation for long.

Of course, there were exceptions.

When it came to news of misfortune, it was a different story.

In the thirty years since her retirement, my mother’s name surfaced in people’s mouths only once. Even then, it didn’t last long. A consensual divorce of a retired actress wasn’t stimulating news to people. Rather, the reaction was that it was something that was bound to happen. Moreover, since our family was in Paelli, I could hardly feel the actual reaction in Korea.

Not long after, the shocking past of a rising rookie male actor—who had gotten a girlfriend two years younger than him pregnant in his teens and evaded responsibility when his parents moved to another region upon finding out—was exposed by the girlfriend at the time, and the articles about my mother faded from public interest even faster.

I told my mother that I wanted to go to Korea and become an actor.

While I had a vague plan to become a drama actor, it wasn’t something I passionately craved. It was merely an excuse I came up with after pondering a reason to leave home without worrying my mother.

‘You must trust no one. Even if you feel tired and lonely and want to trust or lean on someone, you must never break there. People change, Ji-in. Someone who was a friend when you poured out your heart can turn on you the moment they think they can exchange your weakness for something else. Never let others know your weak points.’

Before I came to Korea, my mother had emphasized and urged this several times. There was no reason not to listen to the advice of my mother, who was an experienced veteran of the entertainment industry.

The CEO had said during the contract that the company and the actor should be a community of destiny that shares and discloses everything, down to the smallest detail. He said that if there was anything in my upbringing that could be exposed by the press and flaw my image, I must tell him in advance.

I had simply answered that there were no such special circumstances. That, except for the fact that my residence was in Italy, I came from an extremely ordinary family with no peculiarities, and that I had lived an ordinary life.

However, from the fact that I was adopted by a chaebol actress and her American husband, I was already far from ordinary.

No matter how much the standard of ‘ordinary’ might vary from person to person, my case would not fall within a range that anyone could agree upon as an ‘ordinary upbringing.’

Even Jae-woo, who I spent almost every day with, knew almost nothing about me that the CEO didn’t. Tae-yoon and Ga-yoon, who had interacted with our family in Paelli, knew a bit more.

My twin siblings clearly had mixed-race characteristics, while I was fully East Asian. Therefore, it was inevitable to notice that my siblings and I did not share the same biological father. While there were some Westerners who occasionally mistook me for a mixed-race person with faint Western blood, Tae-yoon and Ga-yoon, who were also East Asian, were certain from the start that the blood inside me was entirely Korean.

Having spent my adolescence with Tae-yoon, we had shared many stories. Since he was someone who already knew I was adopted, I could talk about my family relatively comfortably even after reuniting in Korea.

Even so, Tae-yoon didn’t know everything.

For example… the fact that last night, I had privately visited the Nox Hotel, a place I had avoided so much, and what I had done in the suite there…

Walking mindlessly toward the company building, I slowly slowed my pace. Turning my head unconsciously, I found myself in front of a mobile phone store. The smartphone released by ARA Electronics this spring was displayed brilliantly behind a window without a single fingerprint. ARA Electronics, like the Nox Hotel, was one of the subsidiaries of the Hanseo Group.

Staring blankly at my own reflection blurred in the window, I suddenly gripped my wrist again. Out of nowhere, I wanted to talk to that man. I didn’t know how long it had been since I felt the urge to contact someone other than my family.

With the hand that had been massaging my wrist, I now fiddled with the phone in my pants pocket. My mother’s voice echoed in my ears.

‘Even if you feel tired and lonely and want to trust or lean on someone, you must never break there.’