Chapter 42 – ​The ​Price ​of ​Misjudgment

Logically, ​he ​knew ​that ​having ​a few similar dreams ​in ​a row didn’t ​mean something would ​actually ​happen ​at ​the ​columbarium.

However, ​the reason he ​had ​left ​his post during ​his scheduled working hours ​to come ​here was ​that he ​wanted to ​put ​his ​mind at ease.

He ​didn’t want ​to be swayed by ​the absurd assumption that, ​against all odds, something ​might have ​actually ​happened to his father’s urn.

The columbarium ​where his father rested, ​which ​he ​reached ​by ​hitching a ride ​in Jeong ​Si-jun’s ​car, was perfectly ​fine. ​It was the obvious outcome, ​of course.

The ​late ​Yoon Jong-myeon. The ​urn, ​marked ​with ​Hanja ​indicating his ​father ​had passed ​away, looked modest even upon second glance. ​It seemed even ​more so because ​it was sandwiched between ​urns lavishly ​decorated with gold ​leaf ​and mother-of-pearl.

‘Why the ​hell are you ​appearing in ​my ​dreams? I’ve ​done ​enough.’

Yoon Ki-hyun ​asked ​as he ​traced ​his ​father’s name with ​his ​eyes.

The man ​who ​once ​lived ​as a human named Yoon Jong-myeon had become a handful of ash. The man, who was administratively dead following the death report, had not existed in Yoon Ki-hyun’s life for a long time.

Yet, he remained Yoon Ki-hyun’s father on legal documents. Perhaps he would remain a father even in Yoon Ki-hyun’s broken heart. Because he was the only person who could be called family.

It was only natural that a father—who was worse than a stranger but at least provided some memories to chew on—felt more like family than a mother whose face he didn’t even properly know.

‘I still haven’t paid off all of my father’s hospital bills. I need to fix my own body too… Do you visit our siteunauthorized copy -->unauthorized [visit our site]copyknow that sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating?’

Accepting Jeong Si-jun’s offer had opened a way to survive, but that didn’t mean anything was solved yet. The loans weren’t paid off, and his illness wasn’t cured. He had merely taken a single step from the starting line.

‘I need to be able to live too.’

Standing tall before the columbarium with a parched, withered face, he spat out his resentment. Then, a sudden sense of futility washed over him.

Standing here, where only his father’s bone ash remained, changed nothing. It only made him feel like garbage.

As his reason, clouded by the recurring nightmares, slowly returned, the first thing he felt was shame.

“Ha…”

It was because the unsightly behavior he had displayed toward the guy who drove him here came vividly back to him.

‘Am I crazy?’

Despite getting a ride, he had arbitrarily poured out his family history, which was closer to venting his anger. Since he had taken a half-day off, once he left this place, the destination for him and Jeong Si-jun would be their respective homes, not the Center.

‘Ha, seriously…’

He kept doing things he normally wouldn’t. Trying out clumsy sarcasm, acting irritable, and venting his anger on someone innocent.

The problem was that the only target for such behavior was Jeong Si-jun. visit [stolen content]our siteWhy on earth did he keep showing this side of himself to the very person he detested and resented so much…?

‘I can’t come for a while. I’ve confirmed there’s no problem, so I won’t come even if I have that dream again. I’m leaving.’

Yoon Ki-hyun stopped by the management office to update his contact information and then exited the building. His first plan upon returning home was to look for a psychiatrist.

Between the damn dreams and the fact that he couldn’t control his fluctuating emotions, it was a clear sign that something was wrong.

‘Fine. I can fix this with medication. It’s no big deal.’

As Yoon Ki-hyun steadied his heart and walked toward the parking lot where Jeong Si-jun’s car would be, a takeout drink suddenly appeared before his eyes.

“Drink this.”

It was Jeong Si-jun. Handing him a warm beverage—likely bought from a cafe near the columbarium—the guy had a rare, serious expression on his face.

As he took the steaming takeout cup, he only then realized that his body had been completely tense.

As the warmth melted into him, the tension began to snap. No, he couldn’t act out toward Jeong Si-jun again. Yoon Ki-hyun struggled to pull himself together.

“Did you check everything okay?”

Though there was no subject, it was a question asking if he had seen the urn. Yoon Ki-hyun recalled his father’s urn, perfectly intact without a single crack.

There was no problem. There wasn’t even any condensation.

In the end, he had been swayed by a meaningless dream and come all this way, saying everything and nothing to Jeong Si-jun. Unless he had a “shame streak” in his fortune, this shouldn’t be happening.

“Yeah, well…”

At the forced answer, Jeong Si-jun showed signs of relief. It seemed he had been surprisingly serious about the contents of the dream.

‘He said his grandmother was a shaman, right?’

Perhaps that was why his acceptance was different. Looking at him, one would think he’d tell those kinds of superstitions to fuck off, so it was unexpected.

“Want to eat? I saw a bibimbap place nearby.”

“Sure.”

Yoon Ki-hyun did not refuse Jeong Si-jun’s offer for a meal. He was hungry since he had skipped eating. Since Jeong Si-jun would likely insist on paying anyway, there was no reason to refuse.

He might refuse a watch gift worth over ten million won, but he was fine with letting Jeong Si-jun handle the small cost of a meal.

After arriving at the restaurant and finishing the order, Jeong Si-jun subtly handed him a glass of water and studied Yoon Ki-hyun’s face. Life was finally returning, bit by bit, to the pale, ghostly face.

“I’m glad nothing’s wrong.”

“…Yeah.”

Yoon Ki-hyun nodded. It was a relief indeed. Given his tight finances, if there had been a problem at the columbarium, he surely would have suffered a headache for a while.

“Sorry for bothering you for nothing.”

“Why are you sorry? I didn’t want to be on standby anyway.”

It sounded somewhat irresponsible for an S-class Esper, for whom duty and standby were daily routines to prepare for emergencies, but it didn’t diminish the feeling of gratitude.

“Tell me next time you need something. I like being helpful to you, Mr. Yoon Ki-hyun.”

“…Alright.”

He couldn’t bring himself to give a sharp retort to the guy who had driven him all this way. Still, it felt strange that the number of people offering help seemed to have increased lately.

Both Seo Yi-kyung and Jeong Si-jun. Didn’t they both tell him to speak up if he needed help?

Help…

He wanted to be someone who could help others, but in others’ eyes, he seemed to be the one who needed help.

‘Ah, stop the bullshit. I’ll look for a psychiatrist as soon as I get home.’

Cutting off the self-pity that threatened to emerge out of habit, Yoon Ki-hyun forced dstolen contentEND: stolen content -->style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[stolen content]own the mixed bibimbap.

Somehow ending up in Jeong Si-jun’s car again, he arrived in front of his goshiwon and saw Jeong Si-jun off in the alley. He thought the guy might say something about the shabby exterior, but Jeong Si-jun simply left after telling him to get some good rest.

‘…What’s gotten into him?’

It felt strange whenever Jeong Si-jun acted mature. Dragging his body, which felt as limp as if heavy weights were hanging from his limbs, Yoon Ki-hyun returned to his room and immediately locked himself in the bathroom.

It was to vomit up the food he had forced into himself. After vomiting until there was nothing left inside, he looked up while washing his flushed face.

A nosebleed, which had been quiet for a few days, was flowing. The reflection in the mirror above the narrow sink was a sight that couldn’t be called “okay” even as a white lie.

‘Ah, why is life so hard?’

Wiping away the moisture, he pressed the towel firmly against his eyelids. His eyes were still stinging.

As he lay still on the bed, he strangely felt chills running through his body. He didn’t know if he had caught a cold or if it was because he was lonely.

Whenever he visited the columbarium, he always felt a hollow emptiness, as if a hole had been punched through his heart. Perhaps it was because, despite the resentment and hatred, his father was still his father.

After visiting the place where his only family was contained in a small box, the fact that he was alone in the world felt exceptionally vivid. Even though it was an emotion that should no longer be surprising.

While he was curled up for a long time, his phone vibrated. Checking the screen, a message from Seo Yi-kyung appeared.

[Team Leader Seo Yi-kyung]

Did you have a good dinner?

It was the kind of trivial content they usually exchanged.

Even if he didn’t reply now, Seo Yi-kyung wouldn’t grumble. He was completely different from Jeong Si-jun.

Just as he had said he wanted to keep in touch moderately, Seo Yi-kyung didn’t obsess over replies. Perhaps that was why Yoon Ki-hyun was gradually becoming more comfortable with him.

Since it was true that he had eaten, even if he’d vomited it all back up, he replied that he had. Seo Yi-kyung then said he was about to eat as well. When he mentioned that the place was tastier than expected and suggested they eat there together next time if he had time, Yoon Ki-hyun let out a short laugh.

‘When would that be?’

If it had been Jeong Si-jun, he would have asked exactly when to go instead of using a vague phrase like “next time.” He wouldn’t have been subtly testing the waters like Seo Yi-kyung.

‘Ah, what am I doing right now. Let’s just sleep…’

Perhaps because he was sick and felt alone in the world, he kept searching for something to lean on. The very act of comparing which of the two was better was already a lost cause.

What kind of nonsense was this, when he didn’t have the slightest intention of dating even if someone were to approach him aggressively and confess?

Setting aside Jeong Si-jun, who couldn’t hide the look of affection in his eyes, doing this toward Seo Yi-kyung was pure narcissism.

‘I need to get it together. Seriously. I need to properly look into a psychiatrist.’

Vowing to find a psychiatrist as soon as he woke up tomorrow, Yoon Ki-hyun forced himself to sleep. It had been an exceptionally long day.