3.1 – The Reason We Can’t Be (2)
Once I let him into my room, the rest was obvious. When two people are alone in a space where it’s easy to reach out and touch the other… emotion simply overwhelms reason.
Then, as we embrace and press our lips together, the sense of belonging connected through hugs, kisses, and intimate places would numb the anxiety and fear of the future. Anxiety is an invisible vagueness, whereas a body that can be touched and kissed right now is a far more concrete reality.
That was why the outcome for couples who use sex as a tool for reconciliation was so predictable. Nothing is fundamentally resolved; they simply cover the problem with the intimacy of skin against skin.
But in this moment, I felt a strong impulse to surrender myself to that shallow deception. Just as he said, I wanted to send the email, and in my heart, I didn’t want to let him go.
I gripped his wrist and firmly pulled it down. At least, I tried to be firm.
“I don’t want to… just gloss over this because I’m swept up in emotion. I don’t know how much longer we could have lasted doing that… but I know myself. Eventually, it would have become too much for me to handle. Wouldn’t it be… better to tie things off here and now, even if it hurts and is difficult?”
He didn’t answer. There was only the sound of the rain drumming against the umbrella’s canopy as if it were about to tear.
I fixed my gaze on his right hand, which had been pulled down by me and now hung limply in the air. Like when I recite lines to make sure I’ve memorized them correctly, stolen contentdata-wm="visit our site" style="display:none;" aria-label="visit our site">visit our siteI spoke, moving only my lips without emotion.
“I know that if I truly refuse, you’ll accept it, Yi-han, even if you don’t understand. I’m… I’m really sorry for trying to end it this way because I know that.”
Within my field of vision, his right hand curled. Clenching his fist so hard that his knuckles turned white, he let out a hollow laugh above my head.
“When we met again, I really thought I had finally caught your attention this time. So, honestly, I was quite excited. But… it wasn’t this time either.”
“……”
“No matter the reason, I can’t give up, but you always have a reason to turn away from me. You say you’re interested and attracted, but that’s… just the extent of it.”
A bitter, mocking smile followed. His chest heaved. With a sigh mixed with resignation, he added.
“How can I force it… when the size of our feelings for each other is different?”
Realizing that the breath touching my forehead and cheek might be the last, [unauthorized copy]my heart began to race. To keep [unauthorized copy]myself from saying something foolish that would tear down the tower I had painstakingly built, I had no choice but to bite my lip and grip my arm tighter.
His hand grabbed my wrist and pulled it up. Then, he made me grip the handle of the umbrella. When I looked up instinctively, his face was wet.
Because he had run here in the rain.
“……”
Before I could even offer a word of refusal, he left the umbrella with me and walked away.
With every step he took further away, it felt as if the ground connecting us was collapsing into a bottomless darkness.
I was too afraid to even look back.
How incredible was his courage, to chase after me despite the risk of being rejected, cast aside, and having his pride severely wounded?
I wiped the moisture from my face. Stepping forward on legs that felt as if they might buckle at any our site">visit our sitemoment, I walked. I didn’t even have the energy to avoid the puddles scattered everywhere. By the time I stepped inside the gate of the lodging, not only my shoes, but my socks and the calves of my pants were soaking wet.
“You’re… back?”
Hyung-soo, who had been doing the dishes, slowed his speech upon seeing my state. Only after seeing him scan me with wide eyes did I realize that I must look like a soul-less shell of a person.
I swallowed hard and squeezed out my voice, trying to sound as normal as possible.
“The rain was blowing sideways, so the umbrella was useless.”
“Want me to get you a towel?”
When making such a kind offer, Hyung-soo’s voice was blunt, but that was merely a disguise to hide his shyness. Normally, I would have chuckled at how cute he was, but today, even his kindness wasn’t welcome. I felt extreme fatigue just exchanging a few words. I just wanted to lie down.
“My feet are wet anyway… I’ll do it.”
The entryway was barely the size of an unfolded ramen box; one large step took me to the mat in front of the bathroom. The narrow bathroom, which doubled as a laundry room, had old blue tiles on the floor and white ones on the walls. I pulled off my [unauthorized copy]unpleasant socks, tossed them into the washing machine, and washed my feet with the showerhead.
I accidentally looked up and locked eyes with my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. I slowly averted my gaze, pushing down the emotions that were threatening to surge.
I took off my jacket, hung it on the hook attached to the door, and washed my face. My appearance after washing wasn’t much better. Even though I hadn’t cried at all, I looked like someone who had just finished a bout of heavy sobbing. Or someone with a severe cold.
When I left the bathroom, Hyung-soo was still in the kitchen.
“……”
Perhaps he had been changing the water for the flowers; he was just setting a tumbler down on the dining table.
“Hyung always does this… Ah, by the way, can’t you just use tap water?”
“No, it’s fine.”
I shook my head at the anxious boy aria-label="Read on Read BL Novels">Read on Read BL Novelsand walked toward the refrigerator. After nearly a week, the scent of the flowers was no longer as strong as before.
As I searched for a beer, he asked from behind my back.
“Hyung, I heard you got an ad offer?”
His voice was excited.
“…I don’t know yet. It’s before the contract.”
“Aw, I’m sure you’ll get it.”
I straightened my back and opened the beer can, speaking indifferently.
“Is being cast in Director Hwang Su-young’s drama really that big of a deal? They haven’t even started filming yet.”
“Well, that’s part of it, but…”
Shrugging, Hyung-soo hesitated, which was unlike him. I drank my beer while watching him roll his eyes and aimlessly rub the tabletop. As if the significant amount of liquor and beer I’d had at the karaoke had never happened, the beer went down smoothly.
Finally, Hyung-soo looked over at me sideways and spoke. The corners of his mouth twitched as if he were holding back a laugh.
“Last time, when I ran into you at the entrance of the alley. That person you were with… that’s him, right?”
“……”
“The youngest son of that family… the one that owns all the prime subsidiaries of Hanseo Group.”
I felt like letting out a hollow laugh. It felt as if suddenly everyone around me was talking about him.
Though he was hesitant at first, once he started talking, Hyung-soo showed an active curiosity.
“Since you’re not the type to be interested in that kind of thing, I wasn’t sure at first… but when I looked it up, the face matched. What… is your relationship?”
He was asking what the relationship was, but Hyung-soo had the same expression as those people at the company dinner. A raw, interest-based curiosity toward another person. It was clear that he already half-assumed the relationship between me and him was one of sponsorship.
It felt as if I had been pushed in front of people while covered in filth over my naked body; it was a feeling of insult and shame that went beyond mere unpleasantness, making the inside of my body tremble.
I felt an impulse to snap at Hyung-soo, asking what exactly “that kind of thing” was that I wasn’t interested in. But that was nothing more than venting.
Unknowingly crushing the beer can in my hand, I suppressed my voice.
“I told you he’s a friend I knew in Italy and we happened to meet again. I only found out he was the son of that kind of family after we reunited.”
“Ah… really?”
At my sharp tone, Hyung-soo flinched and backed away.
“I’m tired… I’m going to lie down.”
Ignoring him as he looked at me with a face that said he’d made a mistake, I entered my room.
I tossed the jacket I had been carrying onto the chair and changed out of my wet pants. I turned on the air conditioner’s dehumidifying mode. Holding the beer can, I flopped down onto the bed. I didn’t even turn on the light.
The flimsy window rattled occasionally in the wind and rain.
I felt like I needed something to do, but nothing seemed manageable. I sat in the darkness, mechanically gulping down beer.
I think I did it reasonably well. I did the right thing, right?
Deepening the relationship meant that the shock and pain he would receive later would also be stronger. The command to stop here before that happened had already been entered, but until I met him today, my heart couldn’t agree with it.
I had listed countless reasons why it would be okay to continue the relationship with him.
Since he didn’t seem to have a good relationship with his older sister, Lee Seo-gyeong, whom everyone [visit our site]acknowledged. visit our siteSince we are both men and he is from a chaebol family, even if we were lovers, there was no way he would introduce me to his family, and a conclusion like living together or marriage was out of the question anyway.
So, shouldn’t the possibility of me facing Lee Seo-gyeong again through him be almost zero? Then couldn’t I keep it a secret from her forever? If I just kept my mouth shut…
He would never know that I had been obsessed with such thoughts for the past few days.
Setting the empty can on the floor, I leaned back and lay down.
I remembered him complaining jokingly once that he shouldn’t have brought me home. Belatedly, I had no choice but to agree with those words.
『I’m your lover now, right, Hyung?』
After having sex on this bed, he had stayed inside me. His face, pleading with me to call him a lover, was vivid behind my closed eyes.
I covered my eyes with my arm and chuckled.
『When we met again, I really thought I had finally caught your attention this time. So, honestly, I was quite [stolen [unauthorized copy]content]excited. But… it wasn’t this time either.』
What do you mean “wasn’t”? You were right. This time, we even agreed to be lovers.
I might have been a bit too good at acting… but to be fooled so completely. My lover really is a younger guy.
■
“There’s no mistake. That woman can’t be human. I know it.”
With the final line for the role of ‘Jeong Seol’ played by Yoon Ju-ho, the first script reading for
To be precise, since it was a reading for only the main and supporting cast before the official reading attended by all actors, the scale wasn’t that large.
The reading took place on the first floor of the office of the production company, ‘Wellmade’. It was the same building I had visited for the audition with Director Hwang Su-young.
It was too early to judge based on a single script reading, but I felt I understood [Read on Read BL Novels]a bit of why unauthorized copyall her works were successful.
The passionate atmosphere of the script reading, where the director, writer, and actors engaged in serious and heated discussions over the direction of character analysis, reminded me of a rehearsal for an amateur theater troupe rather than a TV drama.
As the reading ended, applause and cheers erupted. Director Hwang Su-young, who had maintained a serious expression throughout, smiled and took the microphone.
“Great job to all the actors. Actually, after the first reading, I always get a certain feeling. Whether this project will work out or not… but I think others felt the same;
After a brief greeting, Director Hwang Su-young stood up first with the writer. Just as things were becoming chaotic, a staff member from the production team regained everyone’s attention.
“Great job, actors! You can receive the printed scripts at the full reading in five days, and we’ll be reading up to episode 3 then! Uh… and for the lead actors on that day. Ms. Park Se-yeon, Mr. Yoon Ju-ho, and Mr. Jeong Ji-in. The three of you are scheduled to film a brief greeting video, so managers, please take note… Uh… and I think that’s all for the announcements. Please come to the daechang restaurant we informed you about! Since it’s the first reading and the first dinner, please attend without exception!”
As people’s attention began to wander and they started buzzing, the staff member raised their voice, even standing on tiptoe. Amidst the excited chatter, I also pushed back my chair and stood up.
Jae-woo, who had been waiting in the staff seats lined up along the wall behind the actors’ seats, approached to collect the script.
“Hyung, great job—”
“You’re going to the dinner, right?”
Yoon Ju-ho, who had been sitting next to me, interrupted Jae-woo while handing his script to his manager. Then, before hearing an answer, he added.
“Even for you, you’re practically a lead, so you wouldn’t skip the first dinner.”
I might not have been one of the members who stayed until the very end, but I think I had consistently attended dinners during filming periods for the sake of the staff’s morale. It seemed Yoon Ju-ho’s assessment was different.
“You love daechang and makchang and stuff like that. Contrary to your looks. I’ll head there first.”
Yoon Ju-ho gave my shoulder a firm squeeze and let go. Unlike me, who was wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and a baseball cap pulled low, he looked perfect, as if he had come for an interview shoot despite it being a main/supporting cast script reading.
As I watched him leave with his two managers, I spotted someone walking toward me from the opposite direction and quickly bowed.
“Ji-in, Ji-in.”
The person approaching with quick steps, crossing paths as if tagging out with Yoon Ju-ho, was Seonbae Seo Eui-ju.
“Seonbae, great job today.”
She took both of my hands in hers and patted the backs of them. It was a friendly gesture, as if we were particularly close seniors and juniors.
“Ji-in, it’s good to see you. Really good. I was late today, so I’m only just getting to greet you.”
She had appeared hurriedly in the first-floor hall only just before the reading began, after everyone had already taken their seats.
“Actually, I had a few things I wanted to say to you, Darling.”
At her subtle glance, Jae-woo tactfully moved far away. I was led by her to a corner.
“About what happened last time, I felt like I made a huge mistake. I’ve aria-label="Read unauthorized copyon Read BL Novels">Read on Read BL Novelsfelt bad about it continuously.”
“Ah… yes.”
Was I going to be scolded for not contacting her after receiving her business card? Or… was I going to hear a sponsorship offer again?
While I was tense with such thoughts, I was quite flustered by her behavior as she comforted me with an expression that looked more apologetic than I could possibly be.
“I’m not someone who’s out of the loop regarding news in this industry. But since it didn’t even reach my ears, I had no idea.”
“……”
“You did it without knowing, so don’t feel too bad. Okay?”
She grabbed my hand again and looked up at me with a tender face.
“You’re going to the dinner, right?”
“Yes… and you, Seonbae…”
“I’m someone who loves dinners, so I’d like to join, but… between Director Kang Woo-hyun’s project and other things, I have so much work… I’ll definitely attend the full reading.”
After a brief farewell, she looked for her manager and took her phone. I stood there blankly, watching her hurry out of the courtyard, waving her hand dismissively in response to people’s greetings.
I chewed over the words I had just heard from her. What was it that she didn’t know?
“Hyung, let’s go quickly. Even the dinner location for Director Hwang Su-young’s project is different. It’s a Hanwoo gopchang place. You’ll wake up from a dead sleep for that.”
Jae-woo, who had approached me before I knew it, urged me on while showing me the location of the dinner he had found on his phone.
It couldn’t be. I must be overthinking it.
Trying my best to deny the ominous premonition, I followed Jae-woo.
■
Between the restaurant and the wall. A narrow, dark space where empty boxes of alcohol and drinks were precariously stacked served as the smoking area. Even calling it a smoking area was a stretch; there was only a single, long cylindrical stainless steel ashtray.
I had only moved a few steps away from the parking lot, where the bright lights of the 24-hour large restaurant poured out, yet this place felt like the shadows of life where no light ever reached. All for the sake of a few steps.
[You were cast in a project you wanted; why on earth would we hate that? Being sad that you can’t come home is a separate issue from that.]
[Yeah, I know.]
Exhaling a short puff of cigarette smoke, I agreed with Ian’s words over the phone.
Since my appearance in
In the end, the contact came first from Italy after they saw the casting news.
[Instead, promise me that you’ll definitely come home once this project is over!]
[I know, I’ll go. Even if you tell me not to this time, I’m going.]
[It’s for your mental health, too. A person needs to drop by home once in a while and see their family’s faces.]
[True. I’ve been living in a way that’s not very human. I’ll definitely go once this project is finished.]
Having secured the promise, Ian let out a short sigh. Then, he quickly changed the tone of his voice.
[Yui and I are planning to visit Chicago for a vacation once the peak season passes.]
[Ah… uh… Chicago.]
The faint smile that had spread across my face while listening to Ian’s nagging stiffened. I carelessly flicked ash into the ashtray [Read on Read BL Novels]Read on Read BL Novelsthat reached about my thigh and hurriedly brought the cigarette back to my lips.
[I think Dad’s having a hard time managing the restaurant lately. We want to go and spend some time with him.]
[Right… He’ll probably gain strength seeing you two.]
My adoptive father, who had been appointed as the executive chef of the Nox Hotel Italian restaurant, left New York two years later. It coincided with the time Lee Seo-gyeong, who was the executive director at the time, moved to the Nox Hotel Shanghai branch.
My adoptive father had explained to the twins that he had been offered a move to another hotel in Chicago under favorable conditions. However, the new workplace was a three-star business hotel that couldn’t even be compared to the Nox Hotel. And he didn’t even last two years there.
The reason was that he wanted to open a restaurant under his own name.
Becoming an owner-chef had always been my adoptive father’s ultimate goal. However, the circumstances never met the conditions he had dreamed of. He likely wanted to build at least five years of experience as an executive chef at a super-luxury hotel like the Nox Hotel before opening a fine-dining restaurant in Manhattan catering only to the upper class.
Thanks to the extensive promotion of his career as a kitchen manager and chef at various hotels, his new restaurant seemed to perform quite well in the beginning. But before long, news began to arrive that the operation was struggling.
Everything my adoptive father owned was staked in that restaurant. Perhaps he had [class="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">visit our site]received investments from a few people. If such a business went south, it wouldn’t end with simply giving up a position as it had when he worked at the hotel.
The story of a person blinded by greed driving themselves to the extreme was the most common and, at the same time, the oldest story in the world. Working in the entertainment industry, one could see and hear such examples more frequently.
At some point, my adoptive father must have known that his sprint was merely heading toward a cliff. Even knowing, he probably couldn’t stop. If he were the kind of person who could admit failure and humbly return to the starting point, he wouldn’t have been stained by such pathological greed in the first place.
[I wish he’d even remarry… No, even if he doesn’t marry, dating would bring more vitality to his life, wouldn’t it? I’m worried because both Dad and Hyung only know about work.]
I couldn’t help but let out a silent laugh at Ian’s words, grouping my adoptive father and me together.
[Next time you come home, try bringing a boyfriend. How can a man like Hyung not have a boyfriend until now? Is the taste of Korean men strange, or are your standards just too high?]
[I’m just not the type to fall in love quickly like you.]
[I am not! I’m passionate, not an easy man.]
Ian, who had become flustered and started rambling [unauthorized copy]wm: unauthorized copy -->about his philosophy on dating, abruptly ended th[stolen content]e call, saying it was time for the last reservation of the day to arrive.
It was deep into the night in Seoul, well past midnight, but near Naples, it was just beginning to transition into evening.
A bitter smile escaped me because I had momentarily thought of him at Ian’s suggestion to bring a boyfriend home.
I had once imagined him in Paelli.
This was even before I realized that the man known as Yi-han now was the same person as that child in Paelli. Even so, it wasn’t hard to imagine him lying on a beach chair by the shore, or sitting in an outdoor seat at a plaza pizzeria.
I had once harbored a vague hope that I might be able to visit Paelli with him someday. Thinking back now, it was a relief that I never voiced such a cringeworthy suggestion. It would have only added one more promise that remained heavy precisely because it couldn’t be kept.
Before sliding it into my pocket, I habitually checked my phone one more time. For four days, there had been no contact from him.
Mocking myself for dripping with lingering attachment, I crushed the short, burnt-out cigarette into the ashtray.
“Who are you talking to so sweetly?”
“……”
A voice sounded from behind me, overlapping with the laughter pouring from the second floor of the restaurant. Yoon Ju-ho was walking toward me, pulling a cigarette from his pack.
“My brother.”
I answered indifferently and was about to step away when Yoon Ju-ho, with a cigarette in his mouth, gestured with his chin.
“Want to smoke one together?”
Approaching the deep shadow where the ashtray stood, Yoon Ju-ho held out the cigarette pack to me. Since avoiding him would be awkward, I picked up one of the few remaining cigarettes.
Yoon Ju-ho brought the lighter to the tip of my cigarette first, then lit his own with a practiced motion. Tilting his chin up and exhaling a long stream of smoke, he spoke in a tired voice.
“Ah… this year is truly suffocatingly busy.”
“Are you bragging in front of someone who’s been resting all through the first half of the year?”
“I’m telling you, I’m less busy when I’m actually filming a project.”
“Tell them to reduce your workload. It’s your company anyway.”
Yoon Ju-ho snorted and took a short drag of the filter.
“It’s my parents’ company; I’m a director in name only.”
Yoon Ju-ho’s father was a figure who had served as an executive at a terrestrial broadcasting station, and his mother was his manager, who could be said to have crafted the actor Yoon Ju-ho.
Look Entertainment, Yoon Ju-ho’s agency, was co-represented by his parents. Yoon Ju-ho was an honorary director and a contracted artist.
Look Entertainment currently had about thirty actors, including Yoon stolen [unauthorized copy]contentJu-ho. Among them, there were only four or five heavyweight actors who received tens of millions of won per episode.
With the position and network the two representatives had built in the industry over a long time, and contracts with top actors including Yoon Ju-ho, Look Entertainment was a group with immense power in the entertainment industry, especially regarding actors.
Even in this project, eternal night, there were about five or six Look Entertainment actors playing supporting or minor roles besides Yoon Ju-ho. It was a so-called ‘bundle deal,’ but it was a custom that the industry didn’t even question.
“Did I visit 13 cities for Asia fan meetings over six months..? I think the city changed almost every two weeks. By the end, I didn’t even know which country or city I was in. I just rode when they told me to ride, got off when they told me to get off… smiled when they told me to smile…”
Even if Tomorrow’s Diary failed commercially, it didn’t shake Hallyu star Yoon Ju-ho’s position. I remembered seeing an article saying that Look Entertainment had made billions in revenue from Yoon Ju-ho’s recent fan meeting tour.
“What can you do. You’ll be even busier once this project does well.”
“Still, while I’m filming something, I don’t feel like a monkey being sold around, so that’s better.”
Tapping the edge of an empty box with the toe of his sneaker, Yoon Ju-ho spoke without emotion.
Even if we didn’t exchange romantic feelings, Yoon Ju-ho was almost the only entertainment [visit our siteRead on Read BL Novelsstyle="font-size:0;position:absolute;left:-9999px;">]industry contact besides Hong-seo with whom I could occasionally have drinks and talk about [unauthorized copy]work. The only difference was that those drinking sessions usually ended in sex.
With one hand thrust into his pocket, Yoon Ju-ho looked at me crookedly and inhaled his cigarette. His face, groomed cleanly and sophisticatedly as per the public image of actor Yoon Ju-ho, let out a sigh as he looked at me.
“I just didn’t have time to stay in Korea because of the fan meetings… I’m saying I didn’t neglect you on purpose.”
“……”
Taking his foot off the box, Yoon Ju-ho approached me, moving further into the darkness. I ignored him and flicked my cigarette into the ashtray.
“We ended up doing two projects in a row, huh?”
“……”
“Remember during Tomorrow’s Diary? It was great for coordinating time. What we did in my car was really good.”
As he drew closer, the strong scent of his favorite [unauthorized copy]copy -->perfume wafted over. Through that, the faint, sharp scent of soju also drifted. And according to memories not too old, he was the type whose sexual appetite surged when he was drunk.
“……”
Yoon Ju-ho stood close behind me as I faced the ashtray. His arms wrapped around my chest. Rubbing his lips and nose against my hair, he lowered his voice.
“Your hair has grown a lot, hasn’t it?”
“……”
Yoon Ju-ho began to rub his lower body slowly against my buttocks. While hugging me from behind, he placed his hand over my shoulder and took another drag of his cigarette. Then, he tried to press his cigarette against my lips.
“The staff next to me were going crazy over you. They said when you drink beer, it looks like a beer commercial, and when you drink from a paper cup, it looks like a coffee commercial.”
“Let go.”
I turned my head, rejecting the cigarette. Even at my words to let go, Yoon visit our siteclass="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">stolen content]END: visit our site -->Ju-ho only laughed in a low voice. Until now, resistance or refusal between us had been like a series of formalities.
Hot lips touched my earlobe. A strong sense of repulsion rose at the caress of his lips nibbling on the soft cartilage.
“I can’t even imagine how a blunt guy like this changes in bed…”
I grabbed the arm crossing my chest and pulled it down. After crushing my cigarette in the ashtray and turning to face him, I saw Yoon Ju-ho looking at me with a stiff expression.
“What.”
“What about you. Didn’t you hear me say I’m not sleeping with you anymore?”
Seeing his profile as he sighed with his mouth tightly shut, it was clear he hadn’t forgotten my words. He probably just intended to let it slide.
Inhaling deeply until his cheeks hollowed, Yoon Ju-ho flicked ash onto the bare ground and sneered.
“Did you actually get a lover?”
Spitting out the words with force, Yoon Ju-ho seemed to have completely sobered up. His sharp, flashing eyes looked as if he knew something. Was I reacting oversensitively?
“……”
To buy time to think, I adjusted the baseball cap I was wearing loosely.
I certainly had a lover. Though it had become as if it never happened in just a few days. Even so, I had no intention of returning to my previous relationship with Yoon Ju-ho.
Instead of the front pocket where I had stuffed my phone and cigarettes, I thrust both hands into the back pockets of my jeans and spoke in a disinterested tone.
“I think I’ll stop because if I keep doing this with you, I feel like I’ll never be able to make a real lover.”
“Then be my lover.”
“……”
It was an entirely unexpected statement. For a moment, I unconsciously looked up at Yoon Ju-ho. And in the next moment, I burst out laughing.
Yoon Ju-ho stared at me with a displeased face.
“You’ve changed a lot, making jokes and all, Yoon Ju-ho.”
Even as a joke, it wasn’t something that would typically come out of his mouth. As I continued to chuckle in sheer absurdity and bewilderment, Yoon Ju-ho grabbed my shoulder.
“You said you’re not sleeping with me because you want to make a lover. Then you can just be my lover and sleep with me. Isn’t that actually the solution?”
Is he serious? I thought it was just a tactless joke.
This was a relationship I had intended to end even before reuniting with him in Bangkok. With someone like Yoon Ju-ho, there were plenty of partners to roll around with whenever the mood struck. Every time he changed cities every two weeks—no, he could have changed partners every single day. What would he have to lose if I, one of those partners, dropped out?
I hadn’t expected him to react this way to my desire to stop.
I pushed away his arm, which was gripping my shoulder painfully hard. He didn’t seem to have any intention of moving, as his arm didn’t budge.
“Seeing how you act out such diverse roles without trouble, it’s not like you lack sensibility.”
At my sigh-filled monologue, Yoon Ju-ho’s brow furrowed further. I continued, looking straight at him.
“You’re the kind of guy who relieves the stress accumulated from your acting career through sex. I can’t stand my lover doing it with other people.”
“……”
“And I don’t know if you know this, but any normal person can’t stand their partner sleeping with someone else. That’s what a lover is. If you’re going to say things about ‘lovers’ to someone other than me… at least know that much common sense before you speak. You’ll get slapped.”
Yoon Ju-ho only glared at me with eyes that looked like they had a lot to say. However, his lips didn’t open. I took his tightly twisted, shut lips as a sign that he had no more words to counter with. This time, I put more strength into shoving his arm away and stepped forward.
Just as I was about to pass right by him, a firm arm blocked my abdomen as if embracing me.
“Move your agency to Look Entertainment.”
“What?”
“Our company will cover the penalty for terminating your contract, so move your agency.”
“Did you seriously eat something wrong?”
While pushing away the blocking arm, I struggled to suppress my voice to avoid raising it. I felt like I was starting to get angry. This was different from him suddenly calling me out at dawn saying he had time, or pressing my face into a pillow while doing it from behind.
Telling me to move agencies out of the blue. It was so random that I couldn’t grasp the reason or the purpose at all.
Yoon Ju-ho pushed me against the wall and stepped close. His face was right in front of mine. His bloodshot eyes were smoldering.
“I’m the one wondering if you’re the one who [stolen content]ate something wrong. Why are you suddenly trying to do something strange? It’s a relationship we’ve maintained Read on Read BL Novelsreasonably well for four years; is there a need to stop specifically without a special reason?”
“……”
“I’ll pay the penalty to UB and give you 300 million won as a signing bonus. No matter that you landed a role in eternal night, there’s no company that would venture to give a signing bonus of that amount to someone like you right now. It’s an excellent offer.”
From the second floor, which the eternal night team had rented entirely, loud cheers and laughter erupted. I had also drunk a fair amount, and the humidity and heat following the typhoon had made my face flush.
I took off my baseball cap and swept back my hair. I waved the brim of the cap in front of my face like a fan. To remain as calm as possible, I first asked the reason.
“What’s the reason. Why are you telling me to move companies.”
“……”
But as expected, Yoon Ju-ho couldn’t provide any reason.
『He’s lived as a top star since he was very young. So you have to understand to some extent stolen [stolen content]contentthat his concepts are a bit different from ordinary people.』
That’s what Tae-yoon had said about Yoon Ju-ho. It might be possible for Tae-yoon, but I couldn’t accept this kind of coercion just because he was a top star.
I should have stopped sooner. Because it was a relationship of only bodies, because we didn’t meet often. Even if we didn’t communicate well and he was a bit reckless, I thought I could just get through the moment… I had let it drag on out of complacency.
Actually, I didn’t like it when he suddenly called me out in the middle of the night saying he had time. Since we were sex partners and the other party was a popular actor chased by time, I had just let it slide.
“If you’re going to force something like this, at least show some sincerity by coming up with one or two plausible reasons. Just how much do you look down on me…”
I replaced the end of my sentence with a sigh. Regardless, he was a partner I had shared a bed with for four years. I felt uneasy, as if I had shown my bare skin and exposed my weaknesses to a strange partner whose inner thoughts I couldn’t read.
“I decline being ordered around and coerced outside the bed. I told you properly from the start, didn’t I? There’s no way you, who memorizes scripts so well, would forget that. Then again, even if I said that, you always did whatever you wanted.”
“It’s not a bad offer for you. I don’t know why you’re getting angry.”
“Right, you wouldn’t know. I don’t know why you’re being stubborn either, but there’s no reason it has to be me for you. Since we weren’t dating, it’s not like you were dumped. If you’re doing this because your pride is hurt, you don’t [style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">visit our site]style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[unauthorized copy]have to. I’m just saying let’s stop because I’m tired of dragging this along lukewarmly.”
The color of Yoon Ju-ho’s eyes changed. His cheeks and lips twitched as he sneered coldly.
“Lukewarm? All that disheveling, screaming, and begging that you felt like you were dying while unable to even swallow your saliva properly… Ah, so that was ‘lukewarm’?”
“Don’t twist my words. That’s not the point. I really want to do well in this project. Let’s not make things awkward and affect the work.”
“For a project to do well, the chemistry between actors is the most important. Otherwise, why would I be killing time at a company dinner like this? Good scenes don’t come out just because everyone delivers their own lines well. Is there any way to get closer than pressing skin against skin? Huh?”
I roughly brushed away Yoon Ju-ho’s hand as he provoked me, pressing firmly against my chest—specifically, deliberately targeting my nipples.
As if he wanted to start a physical brawl, he immediately shoved me back. I momentarily lost my balance and slumped against the wall behind me. Instantly, Yoon Ju-ho’s body covered mine. Rubbing his lower body against me blatantly, he sucked on my lips. He bit my upper and lower lips at once, applying enough pressure as if he intended to tear them apart.
I drove my elbow into the space below Yoon Ju-ho’s collarbone to push him away. He shoved my arm aside as he pulled back, yet he kept his teeth dug into my lips until the very last second.
“You… crazy bastard.”
As I wiped my lips with the back of my hand, the look in his eyes was wildly disheveled, as if he were the one who had been blindsided by a surprise kiss.
“Since you’re saying everything up until now was just lukewarm, it makes me feel pretty bad. I’m curious to see what it’s like when you’re actually passionate.”
After spouting that, Yoon Ju-ho turned around first. The sound of his footsteps walking over the gravel path leading from the parking lot faded away. From the second floor above my head, another burst of boisterous laughter erupted.
I scraped my lower lip with my teeth at the stinging sensation. The metallic taste of blood seeped onto the tip of my tongue.
■
It was an event celebrating the 30th anniversary of the official Korean import of a world-renowned luxury whisky brand.
From the photo wall at the entrance to the interior, the venue was lavishly decorated in gold, the brand’s signature color.
Surprisingly, my turn for the photo wall was immediately before Yoon Ju-ho’s.
Attendees would walk toward the photo wall with hurried steps, pretending they had just arrived, but in reality, they had to enter in a strictly coordinated order arranged by the organizers. Sometimes, there was tension and a battle of nerves during that process. Generally, the more popular the star, the later they appeared.
I had run into Yoon Ju-ho in the waiting area before moving to the photo wall, but since both of us were accompanied by managers, we had only exchanged formal greetings.
While I had attended the previous event alone, this time I was with the General Manager. It meant the company judged me to have enough investment value. Just by having my appearance in eternal night confirmed, many things around me were changing.
“The heat from the press at the photo wall has already changed.”
After entering the venue and receiving a brief explanation from the staff, the General Manager whispered in my ear.
“I watched from your turn until Yoon Ju-ho’s shoot. It was hotter during your turn. Yoon Ju-ho might be higher in rank, but right now, Jeong Ji-in is the hotter one.”
Adding this in an excited voice, the General Manager began to lead the way.
The venue was divided into several zones so that guests could experience the whisky in various unauthorized stolen contentcopyways. It was a system where one could move freely and enjoy the experiences they desired.
After receiving pamphlets, the General Manager and I first stopped at a grand bar constructed in the center of the hall. Since our entry order had been near the end, the venue was already crowded with people.
A cocktail that beautifully highlighted the golden hue of the whisky—the protagonist of today’s event—was served to each of us.
Leaning against the bar and sipping the drink, I scanned every corner of the hall with my eyes.
“Why, are you looking for someone?”
I almost spilled my cocktail at the General Manager’s words. I set the drink—a blend of whisky, Earl Grey, and hazelnut—down on the bar, hiding my agitation as much as possible.
“Just… looking around.”
He wasn’t in some other department; he belonged to the PR team of Nox Hotel. If he were a typical team leader and not a member of the owner’s family, there would have been a high probability that he attended.
『Actually, this isn’t a place visit our sitewhere I necessarily need to be present, but there are so many things they tell me to do.』
He had clearly said that when he showed his face at a luxury brand event last time.
Come to think of it, the boss he mentioned who expected so much from him was likely his older sister, Lee Han-seo.
Judging solely by the information available through searches, it didn’t seem like he and his sister, Lee Han-seo, were on particularly bad terms. Of course, one cannot grasp the inner workings of a chaebol family through articles alone. However, seeing that she had called him to the headquarters to entrust him with major duties, she didn’t seem like a petty person who would block her brother’s opportunity to demonstrate his abilities out of jealousy.
As Ga-yoon had said, every related article stated that Lee Han-seo’s management was strictly merit-based. It was a management style that followed the methods of her father, Chairman Lee Woo-yeol. There were even many evaluations that she was more daring and aggressive than Chairman Lee Woo-yeol.
That was why Lee Seo-gyeong had to give up the position of Executive Director of the New York branch.
Nox Hotel & Resorts was focusing on expanding its influence in North America and Southeast Asia rather than the Chinese market, where variables acted strongly depending on the political situation.
Therefore, Lee Seo-gyeong’s move from the New York branch to the Shanghai branch was effectively a demotion within Nox.
I didn’t think that man would remember me from five years ago.
I would have been nothing more than one of the many playthings that passed through his hands before and after that time. Even when I visited the mansion near the Hamptons, Lee Seo-gyeong couldn’t even remember my name properly.
But I didn’t want to encounter him in any way, nor did I want to catch sight of him even from a distance. That was why I had conducted my own research on his movements before deciding to go to Korea.
At the time, I had focused solely on avoiding Lee Seo-gyeong.
I knew that Lee Seo-gyeong’s younger brother was the little boy who had visited ‘Mio Palazzo’ with his mother long ago. However, I hadn’t even known that the boy was the same person as the young man who was my first proper sexual partner—the one who had shoved Luca into the fountain in the plaza.
Therefore, there was no reason to be wary of getting entangled in a romantic relationship with Lee Seo-gyeong’s brother.
What would have happened if I hadn’t met Yi-han again?
If he had remained only as a regrettable memory, a comforting imagination I’d occasionally use to console myself, thinking he was living well somewhere.
A bitter smile escaped me at the twist of fate that had become hopelessly tangled. [unauthorized [unauthorized copy]copyclass="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">unauthorized copy]The most absurd part was that I hadn’t even realized it was tangling while it was happening.
“Surely they wouldn’t invite you all the way here and then use some other guy for the ad. Today’s event is one where we didn’t even receive a travel allowance. It’s practically like attending to solidify the ad deal, so you should keep showing your face to the Nox people as much as possible. Got it?”
I nodded vaguely at the General Manager’s words and brought the glass to my lips. As the alcohol touched my slightly stinging lips, I unconsciously pressed them with my teeth. It was the mark left by Yoon Ju-ho’s biting.
Seeing me inhale air through my teeth like someone feeling a cavity, the General Manager clicked his tongue.
“You brought the thing Ga-yoon gave you to put on your lips, right? It’s already peeled off a bit. Make sure to apply it frequently. How does a guy who’s supposed to be acting tear his lip while shaving? Switch to an electric razor for once.”
Since I was a grown adult, there was no plausible excuse for the wound on my lip. I had no choice but to use shaving as a pretext.
Yoon Ju-ho was flawless when it came to work. If it had been a period when drama filming was ongoing, he would never have left such a mark, no matter how angry he was. That was one of the reasons I had maintained the relationship. It felt even more spiteful to think that he had made such a calculation even in a moment when he was sharpened with rage.
As I tried to swallow more of the cocktail while enduring the sting, the General Manager spoke in a rapid tone, his lips barely moving as if he were ventriloquizing.
“It’s the Nox Assistant Manager, Ji-in. She’s coming this way. Let’s do this right without any mistakes, unauthorized copy]Novels">Read on Read BL NovelsActor Jeong. If this goes through, it’ll be your first TV commercial.”
Shortly after the General Manager finished speaking, a welcoming voice was heard from behind me.
“Ms. Ji-in, General Manager!” Thank you so much for coming. It’s even more pleasant to see you here. Wow, you both look so wonderful today!”
She seemed like a different person compared to the last meeting. Dressed in a glamorous evening gown with bold makeup, she didn’t look like an ordinary office worker.
“You’re the one who looks like a celebrity, Assistant Manager.”
“I think this is the first time I’ve heard such a sales pitch from Ms. Ji-in,” she said with a bright laugh. I had simply said what I felt, not out of flattery, but I didn’t feel the need to insist on my innocence.
“In our department, this is part of the job, so racking my brain over what to wear every time is a stress… Ah, I suppose it’s the same for Ms. Ji-in.
Giving my shoulder a light pat and smiling bitterly, she turned toward the General Manager.
“Oh, General Manager, I felt so bad hearing that you refused the travel allowance.”
“Our actor might soon become a member of the Nox family, so there’s no way I could accept a travel allowance. Please don’t worry about that at all.”
I think I understood why he had brought the General Manager along today. If it were me, I could never have made such a comment that subtly pressured the progress of the ad deal.
Giving a short, satisfied smile, the Assistant Manager naturally placed her hands on my and the General Manager’s shoulders.
“There’s also a corner where you can try making cocktails yourself. I heard a very famous bartender brought in from Scotland is running it… well, I don’t know much about that side of things. Anyway, there’s a photo zone in that area, so let’s take a picture of Ji-in there. Ah, our Team Leader happens to be over there, so I’ll introduce you.”
“……”
My heart dropped to my toes.
And then, it felt as if it bounced back up with a strong recoil and hit me in the head.
The music in the venue suddenly changed to a faster track. As the volume increased, my body vibrated with the strong beat. [visit our site]style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[Read on Read BL Novels]The atmosphere instantly became noisy with the cheers of the crowd.
Alcohol, music, dim lighting, and elegantly dressed men and women. In a place that also had the temporal background of a Friday night, an overflowing excitement and the tension of exploration drifted through the air.
Just then, someone approached, nodded to us for understanding, and whispered something to her. Her eyes widened, regardless of what she had been told.
“Please head over there first, and I’ll follow shortly to introduce you. General Manager, I’ll see you there.”
I watched her back as she walked away with hurried steps, then drained the rest of my cocktail in one gulp.
There was no guarantee that the Team Leader she mentioned was Lee Han-cheoeum. Rather, since she belonged to PR Team 1, there was a higher probability she was referring to the leader of Team 1.
However, I couldn’t be sure which one it was.
According to my searches, it seemed his sister moderately utilized his striking looks, which people were interested in. Photos of him taken by reporters at official events like today’s were frequently circulating on the internet.
In fact, such articles always had comments about his appearance, reminiscent of the comment sections of celebrity unauthorized copystolen content -->stolen contentnews. Comments discussing the brands and prices of the clothes or watches he wore were also frequently seen.
It was simply a world I hadn’t paid attention to, but he too lived a life that was not free from the public eye.
“Here it is, she said to go this way.”
The General Manager, who had been looking at the venue layout in the pamphlet, pointed to a spot with his thick finger.
“It doesn’t seem like they called other model candidates, so I think it’ll go well. Otherwise, why would she introduce you to the Team Leader? Let’s see, you need to apply your lips one more time.”
Following the General Manager’s instruction, I took a small stick from my jacket pocket and rubbed it over my lips. It was essentially a tinted lip balm, so it wasn’t a product that required a mirror for precise application.
The wound stung. It was only a small tear, but because it was on my lips, it continued to irritate me. As I frowned and tried to put the lip balm back in my pocket, another person approached and greeted me.
“Actor Jeong Ji-in, hello. I’m from Magazine A.”
The man with a flushed face that still looked youthful style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[unauthorized copy]was, if my memory served me right, the youngest editor at Magazine A. Most of the editors who attended such parties for the purpose of shooting, rather than as invited guests, were the youngest.
“The script reading for eternal night has started, right? I’m personally looking forward to it so much. I’m a fan of the original webtoon, and I’m a fan of the actor as well. And Actor, please do a pictorial shoot with our magazine. We’re currently discussing a Vampire concept to match your role as Yi-soo in eternal night.”
“That sounds like a very good plan. Please contact the company.”
“I will, General Manager. I saw you briefly during the ‘Layered’ interview last time, but I didn’t get to greet you formally then.”
The General Manager stepped forward to handle him, and they exchanged business cards. Feeling my throat go dry, I thought about drinking a glass of water, but I stopped, thinking I would have to reapply my lip balm.
“Ms. Ji-in, you’re close with Actor Yoon Ju-ho, right?” I’d like to take a photo of the two of you together, would that be okay?”
Do you know where Yoon Ju-ho is? — After asking his companion who held the camera, he soon narrowed his eyes and nodded.
“Ah, there, yes, he was there.”
Then he looked back at the General Manager.
“There’s a corner over there where you can make cocktails yourself, and I saw a structure made of stacked bottles of this brand’s whisky in front of it. It would be great if the two of you were photographed together there.”
“That’s perfect! We were actually about to move in that direction. I’ll see you there with Ju-ho.”
The General Manager seemed to be in a good mood, thinking that things were proceeding smoothly. While leaving the bar and moving further inside, the General Manager rejected all requests for photos from other party attendees.
“This is why a guy who dips his toes into the entertainment industry needs to hit it big first. The reaction changes this much even before filming starts; just imagine when the work does well. Then you’ll be able to pick the works you want and even edit the script, kid.”
Unlike the General Manager, who was excited with optimism for the future, my actual mood was hitting rock bottom. Because my mouth kept getting dry and I unconsciously licked my lips, I felt that the lip balm I had applied to hide the wound had mostly worn off.
Who would the Team Leader be that the Nox Assistant Manager was introducing? All my attention was focused on that. To the point where the fact that I had to do a fake, awkward shoot with Yoon Ju-ho wasn’t even considered a problem.
The answer was revealed quickly.
Even before stepping into the space where an arched partition created aria-label="stolen content">stolen contentan entrance, his figure caught my eye.
Just as it had been in the hotel lounge in Bangkok. He was a person whose presence demanded one’s gaze if they were in the same space.
Perhaps to hide his gaunt face, he was wearing horn-rimmed glasses today as well. They were glasses of a subtly different design than the last time. His gaze, while shaking hands surrounded by three or four people, reached me over the shoulder of the person standing in front of him.
As if that gaze were wrapping around and strangling my neck, I stopped breathing.
Perhaps not knowing I had been invited, his face stiffened awkwardly upon discovering me. It was a minute change, but it was a clear one that the person making eye contact could not miss.
However, even that was only for a fleeting moment.
His gaze, having regained its balance by indifferently passing over me, turned back toward his companions.
“Oh, Ju-ho is over there.”
The General Manager, who had no [Read Read on Read BL Novelson Read BL Novels]way of knowing the awkward situation between Yoon Ju-ho and me, immediately pulled my back toward where the guy was.
It wasn’t a very large space. Four small semi-circular bars, each managed by two bartenders, were installed along the walls, two on each side. In the center, an abstract installation made of stacked whisky bottles rotated slowly, sparkling like jewels under the lights.
He was mingling with people at the second bar on the left, and Yoon Ju-ho was at the bar diagonally opposite him.
Although my body was facing right as the General Manager led me, my nerves were tensely conscious of him behind my back. I had only had one cocktail since arriving, but I already felt a fever rising.
Yoon Ju-ho’s companions were merely his staff. At such events, the number of companions was limited according to the ‘grade’ of the invited guest. Of course, a top star like Yoon Ju-ho could bring as many staff as he wanted, including stylists and managers. It was a world where everything was coordinated with cold thoroughness according to popularity—that is, influence.
Since they had already exchanged greetings in the waiting line before the photo wall, the General Manager approached Yoon Ju-ho’s manager and got straight to the point.
“Director Bang, the editor from Magazine A wants a photo of Ju-ho and Ji-in together. That’s okay, right?”
“Is that so? Ju-ho already took one solo shot… but it’ll be good for promoting the new drama.”
Yoon Ju-ho always had a company manager of director-level assigned exclusively to him. When adding two road managers and staff for wardrobe and makeup, it was typically a team of six or seven people moving together. Today, the group visit visit our siteour sitewas relatively small, consisting of only four people, including Yoon Ju-ho.
Yoon Ju-ho, who had been watching his staff intently focused on making cocktails with a lukewarm gaze, looked over this way.
Leaning loosely against the bar with his elbow, the fellow’s eyes gleamed as he sipped his on-the-rocks. It was an impure vitality—the look of someone who had been bored and had finally found an interesting toy to play with.
“Want a drink?”
“No.”
Leaving the managers to exchange superficial business talk, Yoon Ju-ho spoke to me.
As always when I was with him, the surrounding gazes were concentrated on us to the point where I could feel the pressure on my skin. Compared to this, the attention I endured as ‘Actor Jeong Ji-in’ was nothing.
Being around Yoon Ju-ho made it impossible to have any fantasies about the life of a top star.
I could now understand the rumors about a certain top actress who would only use the public restroom after confirming the entire area Read Read on Read BL Novelson Read BL Novelswas empty and having her manager guard the entrance. It might not have been solely an intention to be fussy or act like a princess.
“It must be painful for you to pretend to be close to me and take photos right now. Wouldn’t it be better to have a drink?”
“If that’s the reason, then one drink won’t be enough anyway.”
At my dry retort, Yoon Ju-ho looked down and chuckled. He wore an expression as if he were hurt by my indifferent attitude—an expression he often made in front of me.
It was a relationship with no reason to continue, but also no particular reason to end. It felt as though I was paying the price all at once for having let it drag on and been neglected simply because of that.
My breathing grew tight with a sense of helplessness, feeling that ending things with Yoon Ju-ho would be even more difficult than ending it with the person I had wanted so desperately.
“Ah, you two have met.”
At the appearance of the magazine editor, Yoon Ju-ho straightened his body from the bar. The dark shadow from a moment ago had vanished cleanly from his face.
“Let’s take one shot in front of the bar, and a few more in front of that [Read on Read BL Novels]stolen contentRead on Read BL Novels -->structure over there. We plan to post them on our magazine’s SNS and website, so we’ll take several shots.”
Even while the editor was positioning us, Yoon Ju-ho leisurely took a few more sips of his drink.
As I stood with my back to the bar, Yi-han inevitably entered my field of vision.
Different people were surrounding him than when I first entered the space. Some were the same. Among them were the two people who had stepped out of the limousine with him at Director Kang Woo-hyun’s party.
“Fix Jeong Ji-in’s lips again.”
Startled by Yoon Ju-ho’s hand landing on my shoulder as if he had struck me, I averted my gaze from him. Yoon Ju-ho turned my body toward his stylist.
“Huh? Oppa, what happened to your lips? That looks like it would hurt.”
“No, it’s fine. My stylist gave me something… I can just apply that.”
My attempt to pull the lip balm from [stolen content]contentstolen content -->my pocket failed. Standing behind me, Yoon Ju-ho craned his neck over my shoulder to look at my face.
“Your lips are naturally red, so applying this color makes them stand out too much. Give me something lighter.”
Yoon Ju-ho reached out toward his coordinator. His face was still peering into mine. I twisted my shoulder and turned my head away from his face.
“I told you, it’s fine.”
I stepped two paces forward, putting distance between myself and him. My entire focus shifted to the opposite side, thinking he might be watching. Though I hadn’t drunk much, my heart began to race.
Holding a lip product of a different color, Yoon Ju-ho approached abruptly, easily erasing the few steps of distance as if it were nothing. A lip gloss emitting a pleasant scent was thrust right in front of my nose.
“Everyone is watching. Wouldn’t it be better to just let me do what I want and get this over with quickly? Everyone knows we’re close, in our own way. We don’t want rumors of a feud starting.”
“……”
So obtuse when it comes to reading others’ emotions, [Read on Read BL Novels]style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[visit our site]yet twice as cunning when it comes to getting what he wants quickly and easily.
Having confirmed that I was cornered and unable to refuse, Yoon Ju-ho gave a smirk without showing his teeth. The lip gloss, like a cotton swab, touched my lips. Then, he pressed down on my lips with more force than necessary, moving them from side to side.
I could hear the laughter of the people surrounding us.
A top male actor personally applying makeup to the lips of a fellow male actor. And his colleague, who was frowning and leaning his back far away, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. The onlookers surely thought we were just playing a mischievous prank.
“Editor, aren’t you going to shoot a scene like this?”
At Yoon Ju-ho’s words, the look planning director looked skeptical. He seemed to be breaking a sweat trying to explain to the editor that Yoon Ju-ho was just joking.
Is he looking this way?
Sweat pooled in my palms from tension. I unconsciously took a deep breath. Then, I exhaled thinly. Because I tried to suppress it, the exhale trembled slightly.
Perhaps because my breath touched his face, Yoon Ju-ho flinched and stopped his hand.
“That’s enough.”
Muttering words of unknown meaning, his hand moved away from my face. Then, with a refreshed expression, he gripped my shoulder and smiled.
“This is much better. How about listening to the advice of someone who’s known you for a long time once in a while, Actor Jeong?”
It sounded like he was speaking with a double meaning in his own way, but I didn’t even have the luxury to snap back. Because there were so many eyes watching, I couldn’t push him away overtly, but I gripped his wrist and pulled it down with clear displeasure.
My lips were incredibly moist because of the heavily applied lip gloss, but conversely, the inside of my mouth was bone-dry.
Is he watching?
Unable to bear the curiosity, I finally turned my head in his direction.
“……”
The moment our eyes met, my entire body grew hot as if I had been burned by fire.
Whether he was watching or not, I knew it was a 50% probability, yet I couldn’t help but be surprised.
I was surprised by the fact that he was looking this way, and surprised by his attitude in not quickly averting his eyes.
As if the people surrounding him and me were no hindrance at all, he ignored the conversation of his companions and kept his gaze fixed on me.
“Now, you two, please look this way. We’ll take a shot from the front first, then from the side.”
The editor’s voice drifted in from outside my field of vision. In the end, I was the one to avert my gaze first.
After taking five or six photos in front of the bar, we moved to the structure where bottles were stacked. It was a spot closer to him. It was agonizing. Despite the strong air conditioning in the room, the back of my shirt was becoming damp with sweat.
Yoon Ju-ho and I had to project the image of close colleagues in the entertainment industry enjoying a party. I had to smile even when Yoon Ju-ho’s hand lightly wrapped around my back, and Read Read on Read BL Novelson Read BL NovelsI had to act excited even though I wasn’t enjoying it in the slightest.
At the editor’s request for a more relaxed pose, Yoon Ju-ho draped his arm over my shoulder and even rested his chin on top of it.
A strange noise—neither a cheer nor a boo—erupted from the onlookers. The cameras pointed at Yoon Ju-ho and me weren’t just the editor’s assistant’s. Flashes bursting rapidly from all directions made it feel like a photo wall.
Moreover, he was watching this entire hypocritical scene.
That short moment of taking five or six photos felt as long as filming an entire episode of a drama. The fatigue I felt was even greater.
As soon as the assistant withdrew the camera, an assistant manager from the Nox Hotel appeared from somewhere and quickly approached.
“Since Ji-in’s shoot is over, may I introduce our Team Leader now?”
“Of course, Assistant Manager. I’m sorry. The shoot took too long, didn’t it? It’s just that Actor Yoon Ju-ho and our Actor Jeong have such great chemistry…”
A shadow fell behind the general manager, who was making excuses longer than necessary.
“What are you talking about?”
It was Yoon Ju-ho.
At the appearance of Yoon Ju-ho, who wedged himself between the general manager and me, the assistant manager seemed slightly flustered. However, it was a flusteredness closer to welcome than displeasure. A star of Yoon Ju-ho’s caliber was bound to be a welcome guest to anyone, especially someone in a corporate PR team.
“Ah… uh… hello.”
“Yes, hello.”
After returning the greeting to her, Yoon Ju-ho looked at me with a ‘Who?’ expression. Hiding a sigh at the brazenness of the face wearing a friendly and sociable smile, I introduced the two of them to each other.
“This is Assistant Manager Kim Jiwon from the Nox Hotel PR team. And this… as you know, is Actor Yoon Ju-ho.”
“Hello. I visit Nox Hotel often for events and privately. Thank you for always welcoming me.”
Yoon Ju-ho offered a handshake first.
“We are the ones who are grateful when the actor visits. We look forward to your continued support. Right now… I was just about to introduce Ji-in to our Team Leader; if it’s alright, would you like to join us, Mr. Yoon Ju-ho?”
“I’d be grateful if you could make such an arrangement. I’d definitely like to say hello as well.”
I had seen Yoon Ju-ho at countless event venues and parties until now. I had seen him passing by from a distance, and I had sat with him after being introduced as close acquaintances. In any setting, he was never the type to socialize genuinely.
Normally, he looked at nothing but himself to a surprising degree. He was the type to only turn his eyes toward the surrounding world when there was something he wanted.
He reminded me of a cobra that crawls slowly on its belly, pretending to be lethargic, only to suddenly snap its head up, puff out its hood, and reveal its aggression.
Since he was very young, that way of behaving had been permitted for him.
While it was natural for him to lack sufficient sleep or be absent from school trips and retreats, and while he had to make do with kimbap or lunch boxes in the car during standby, he could do everything else however he pleased.
That was the background of the self-centered thinking, beyond the scope of common sense, that had been installed in him.
The version of Yoon Ju-ho showing himself here today was more vibrant than any Yoon Ju-ho I had witnessed over the past four years. No, perhaps such an active attitude wasn’t a first.
Because he was like that during our first meeting, when he seduced me before I even knew he was an actor.
Since he was the type for whom common sense did not apply, it was impossible to predict what sudden action he might take. However, there was nothing else I could do to prepare for a surprise attack.
I could only watch helplessly as Yoon Ju-ho approached him.
To ensure the introduction didn’t feel too business-like, the managers naturally made excuses and slipped away from the group. Before following the Nox assistant manager, the general manager pulled my arm.
“I don’t know what that bastard Yoon Ju-ho is plotting, but don’t you dare lose that ad deal. Got it?”
I gave a vague nod to the general manager, but whenever a giant like Yoon Ju-ho appeared, Jeong Ji-in was inevitably [visit our site[stolen content]e;left:-9999px;">]pushed out of the protagonist’s seat.
Furthermore, since I currently felt like throwing away the ad and everything else just to escape this place if I could, I felt even less confident.
Leaning his elbow on the bar and bending his upper body, he seemed lost in thought. He was indifferent to the talk of the people around him who were chattering incessantly to get on his good side. He simply tilted his glass in silence.
“Team Leader, do you have a moment?”
Two people turned toward her at the mention of the title ‘Team Leader.’
“Wow… what is this? Seeing such handsome men all at once makes me nervous, even as a man.”
The one who threw the banal joke was a man who looked to be in his mid-forties. His build, height, and impression were so close to the average for that age that he seemed like a man whose face would be forgotten the moment one turned away.
Standing a few paces behind that man, he remained leaning against the bar, only turning his face this way. Our eyes met briefly, and once again, I was the one to avert my gaze first.
“This is… the person I mentioned earlier… Actor Jeong Ji-in, who is being considered as a ca[stolen site -->visit our sitecontent]ndidate for our current ad model.”
At the Nox assistant manager’s introduction, I gave a light bow.
“And here… although there’s no one in Korea who doesn’t know him, is Actor Yoon Ju-ho.”
He set down the glass he was holding and straightened his waist. His face, now fully turned toward us, was expressionless. Dry eyes looked back and forth between me and Yoon Ju-ho from behind the lenses of his glasses.
The introductions of the hotel personnel continued.
“This is Team Leader Yi-han, who is in charge of our hotel’s PR Strategy Team 2. And this is Team Leader Park Yun-min of Team 1.”
From the order in which she introduced them, it was clear which of the two team leaders was the more primary figure.
“Hello. I am Yi-han.”
That primary figure, Team Leader Yi-han, [visit [unauthorized copy]our site]offered a handshake first to me, Jeong Ji-in, rather than to the giant actor Yoon Ju-ho.
“…I am Jeong Ji-in.”
It was a simple handshake devoid of any meaning.
A formal handshake that didn’t reveal a shred of emotional agitation, such as hostility, disappointment, or hurt. That indifferent contact, conversely, was disappointing me and hurting me.
Within my downward gaze, the warm palm that had touched mine detached without lingering. If I had been slightly careless, I might have gripped that hand tightly. I felt dizzy realizing my own vulnerability.
Even though I was the one who cut the relationship, I was also the one unable to hide the throbbing at the severed edge. Because I hadn’t known I would handle it so clumsily, my bewilderment doubled.
Habitually, I lightly licked my lips. I had to quickly withdraw my tongue from the artificial sweetness of the lip gloss.
The other people also exchanged handshakes.
With the two people standing behind him as if guarding him—the man [stolen content]who was said to be his friend and colleague, and the woman who had taken photos with me at Director Kang Woo-hyun’s party—it ended with a brief exchange of nods.
The Team 1 leader began to chatter in an exaggeratedly cheerful voice.
“Nice to meet you. I didn’t usually attend these kinds of events, but I should come down more often from now on. While I was struggling to light charcoal when going camping with my kids, Ji-won spent her weekends mingling with celebrities like this in glamorous party halls? Hey… this is unfair, isn’t it? Team Leader, don’t you agree?”
No matter how luxurious the party, as long as one was an official, attending an event was merely overtime work. Especially for someone of assistant manager rank, it was obvious they wouldn’t have the leisure to enjoy it comfortably.
The Team 1 leader sought agreement from Yi-han, but his response was lukewarm.
“Then please attend often from now on, Team Leader Park. The company always welcomes it. Since there are instructions from above, I try to show my face as much as possible.”
“Ah, yes… shall I do that? Haha…”
The one who rescued the Team 1 leader, who was feeling awkward at his dry response devoid of any laughter, was unexpectedly Yoon Ju-ho.
“I heard Nox is preparing its first [unauthorized copy]TV commercial. As a fan of Nox, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Ju-ho is a top-tier VIP who is invited to almost every event held at our hotel, so he has an inseparable relationship with Nox. You’re still the model for the Nox China duty-free shop, right, Ju-ho?”
The Team 1 leader took the opportunity to shift the direction of the conversation.
“Yes, thanks to that, the contract is being extended smoothly… though I don’t know if I’m being helpful.”
“What are you talking about? Since Ju-ho became the model, sales in China have grown by over 200%! Ah… actually, personally, I wanted to entrust this ad to a stable top star like Ju-ho… Ha, the higher-ups who know nothing about practical work just order us to find a new face or whatever… It’s easy to just command an ideal in their heads. Isn’t that right?”
Yoon Ju-ho gave a skeptical smile, not hiding his discomfort as he could neither agree nor disagree.
“Actor Jeong Ji-in also has sufficient recognition and has worked with many luxury brands, so he will be a model who fits Nox.”
To speak the truth, a star of Yoon Ju-ho’s level didn’t need to fawn over a team leader who wasn’t even an executive. Yoon Ju-ho was a highly preferred model that the advertising industry fought over.
Yoon Ju-ho was the kind of person for whom other cosmetics companies would offer contracts the moment the contract period for his current cosmetics style="font-size:0;color:transparent;display:inline;">unauthorized copyunauthorized copy -->unauthorized copyCF ended. Coffee drink ads, beer, mattresses, telecommunications, furniture ads… it was the same for foreign companies as well.
He spoke humbly about being the exclusive model for the Nox duty-free shop, but in the end, the data proved the clear advertising effect, so extension offers simply kept coming.
“Ah, of course. I don’t mean to say that this actor is lacking… it’s just that using a guaranteed top star is the safer bet.”
Referring to me as ‘this actor,’ the Team Leader of Team 1—who couldn’t even remember my name despite being introduced just moments ago—glanced my way with a troubled smile.
The man, who had been sipping whiskey and barely paying attention to their conversation until then, finally cut in.
“This advertisement is a project being handled by Team Leader Park’s team. Surely… you don’t actually not know the name of a leading candidate for the model?”
“I’m getting up there in age… so young celebrities these days just don’t catch my eye. I know Yoon Ju-ho because he’s been active for so long… I simply forgot the name, but I am thoroughly reviewing the progress of the project itself.”
“It makes me uneasy that someone who claims to be thoroughly reviewing it doesn’t even seem to properly understand the company’s intent for the advertisement. Top stars have been exposed to so many ads that their image is already completely exhausted.”
He tapped the rim of his glass with his thumb and pushed up the center of his glasses with the middle finger of his other hand. Leaning crookedly [unauthorized copy]against the visit our sitestyle="font-size:0;color:transparent;display:inline;">stolen contentbar, his eyes slowly turned toward Yoon Ju-ho.
“This is Nox’s first TV commercial model. Using a worn-out image that others have already used and recycled… I… don’t like that.”
The Team Leader, who had been solely focused on flattering Yoon Ju-ho until now, lowered her eyes with a look of realization that she had made a mistake.
“I didn’t mean it in that sense.”
“I’m not sure what you meant, Team Leader… but I think you should at least make sure you know the name of the candidate for the model. Calling him ‘this actor’…”
He picked up the glass he had set on the bar and swirled it in his hand. Ignoring the now completely awkward atmosphere, he continued.
“Isn’t it impolite to refer to someone as ‘this person’ or ‘that person’ instead of using their name when they are standing right in front of you?”
Realizing what he was demanding, the Nox assistant manager quickly approached her superior. After hearing her whisper, the Team Leader of Team 1 forced a smile toward me.
“Jeong Ji-in, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any [stolen content]harm. Being a mother of two, I’m not very familiar with the young celebrities active these days. That’s why I don’t communicate well with my own kids… haha… I’m sorry.”
“No… it’s fine. Even the landlady at my dorm still doesn’t know my name. It happens…”
In an attempt to squeeze out something to lighten the mood, I think something strange slipped out, but I couldn’t take it back. The back of my shirt was becoming increasingly damp.
His gaze, which had been on the Team Leader, suddenly shifted toward me.
And for the first time today, he hurriedly looked away, as if regretting having made eye contact with me.
Looking at his profile as he turned completely toward the bar to empty his glass, I could see agitation for the first time. Cowardly, I felt relieved by his agitation.
“Ah… Team Leader, these two are scheduled to film a drama together in the second half of the year called
To recover the frozen atmosphere, the Nox assistant manager stepped in.
“Oh, really? What role are you playing, Jeong Ji-in?”
“The protagonist is Yoon Ju-ho… and I’m a character who opposes him. We have a rivalry over a woman… but I’m quite dissatisfied that I’m far more disadvantaged even within the play.”
The Team Leader, with her greasy face, laughed cheerfully while patting my shoulder. It was a complete reversal from her attitude a moment ago, when she showed interest only in Yoon Ju-ho and treated me like an appendix.
“If a man this handsome says such things, what are people like us supposed to do? Seeing you in person, your face is practically glowing. You look like a manga protagonist. No wonder you became an actor.”
My earlobes burned at the Team Leader’s blatant change in attitude, flipping like the palm of a hand just because he said one word. However, the man himself didn’t seem to feel any humiliation.
“That’s true. In surveys about actors who are overwhelmingly more handsome in person, Ji-in always takes first place.”
Suddenly, a light and soft touch landed on my shoulder. It was Yoon Ju-ho.
“I have a bit of an ‘aura,’ but this guy is a true beauty. I heard he’s called the Prince from Europe among his fans. He’s just being humble, but he’s practically a lead in this project too. You can think of it as a ‘three-top’ with actress Park Se-yeon, myself, and Ji-in.”
I didn’t even have time to be impressed by Yoon Ju-ho, who spoke fluently as if acting out a pre-memorized script. My eyes were tired [unauthorized copy]unauthorized copy -->from glancing at the other man every now and then to gauge his reaction.
He was leaning against the bar, feeling slightly detached from the group. Until a moment ago, he seemed focused on drinking… but now, he was looking this way over the rim of the on-the-rocks glass tilted to his lips. To be precise, he was aiming for Yoon Ju-ho’s hand on my shoulder.
Those eyes were not blazing with anger or boiling with resentment.
It was closer to the look of a young child sitting in the corner of a playground, envying a wonderful toy another child possessed.
It was a fleeting thought. Biting my lip, I looked away from him.
Whether a performance had started in the central hall, the area beyond the entrance suddenly became noisy. Pretending to look toward the noise, I slipped out of Yoon Ju-ho’s grip.
The Nox assistant manager didn’t miss the gap and followed Yoon Ju-ho and me.
“Um… would you two like to try making a cocktail? We’re planning to update today’s event on our hotel’s SNS. I think the fans would love it if we posted photos of cocktails you two made yourselves. Over here… there are various cocktails you can try making.”
She brought over a tablet standing on one side of the bar and showed it to Yoon Ju-ho site -->visit our siteand me. Various colorful cocktails that could be made using ‘Creep’ whiskey—the protagonist of today’s event—were displayed along with photos.
Like her, Yoon Ju-ho and I weren’t here to enjoy the drinks and atmosphere, but to work. Wearing expensive clothes and getting hair and makeup done at a shop before attending was simply to leave photographic evidence that we had been there. In other words, we were selling our faces.
Pushed along, Yoon Ju-ho and I were positioned in front of the bar. Yi-han stepped aside to make room. We exchanged short nods as a sign of gratitude.
Like strangers. Like strangers observing basic etiquette.
I now occupied the spot where he had been leaning just a moment ago. Standing a couple of steps away, he leaned his back against the bar and talked with his aides.
After scrolling through the tablet screen, I chose an orange-hued cocktail, and Yoon Ju-ho chose one based on a brandy imported by the same company.
In truth, because I was so conscious of him standing right beside me, I couldn’t even tell what ingredients were in the cocktail I chose. I had simply pointed at something randomly.
“…after 2 o’clock… with the madam…”
“……no need for that… downstairs…”
Even though he was right next to me, I couldn’t accurately hear the content of the conversation. The music and the noise of the crowd were distractions, and I couldn’t focus solely on him because I had to listen, at least vaguely, to the bartender’s explanation.
The cocktail was completed quickly.
A photo session followed with each of us holding the glass we made. It felt miserable to have to put on a show of smiling friendly alongside Yoon Ju-ho, and to do so right in front of him.
I wasn’t so foolish as to think he had truly become indifferent to me just because he pretended not to care and talked with his aides. If that were actually possible, he would have avoided this place from the start. Despite having every authority to do so, he continued to stay. Even while enduring scenes that were surely not pleasant…
“What a picture, truly a picture. I was going to ask to be in one too… but I can’t. Squeezing in between those two would be suicide.”
The Team Leader of Team 1, after checking the photo taken by the assistant manager, shook her head and pushed the phone away.
“Team Leader, why don’t you take one with the two actors? You’d need looks like yours… I feel like I’d just leave behind a lifelong laughingstock for the rest of my life.”
“I’ll pass as well. The fans would prefer this two-shot more.”
He rejected the offer instantly and cleanly. It was a refusal that seemed polite but felt like a firm wall.
“You should try the cocktails you made. Ji-in’s cocktail has a very pretty color.”
As expected, it was the Nox assistant manager who was sweating to ease the tension. I couldn’t tell what Yoon Ju-ho’s inner thoughts were or how he was processing this situation.
My glass, containing lemon juice and raspberry syrup, looked quite sour.
When the strong acidity seeped into the wound on my lip and I grimaced, the people burst into laughter. They seemed to think it was because I didn’t like the taste of the cocktail.
I couldn’t explain that it was because my lip stung. As I awkwardly lifted the corners of my mouth and tried to bring the glass to my lips again, the glass was pulled from my hand.
“Drink this. This is more your taste.”
“……”
Yoon Ju-ho was showing unnecessary kindness.
Whenever he did this, I couldn’t help but check his reaction.
I thought he would still be ignoring me while drinking whiskey, but unexpectedly, he was looking straight at me. It meant every scene I didn’t want him to see was being exposed to him.
Leaning his elbow on the bar and fiddling with his lip with his finger, he already looked quite drunk. In the glass he had set on the bar, only ice remained.
His large hand, with an exceptionally wide bridge across the back, covered his entire lower face, making it difficult to read his expression.
His eyelids blinked slowly. His lips moved slowly.
“You two… seem to be very close.”
“……”
Behind the lenses, his bloodshot eyes were loosely relaxed from the alcohol.
I wanted to tell him he should stop drinking now. The fact that I was no longer in a position to worry about him—the pain of recognizing that as reality—was too vivid.
I had to give a plausible answer before Yoon Ju-ho started spouting nonsense. While I thought this, my lips wouldn’t part.
“We’ve known each other since before Ji-in debuted.”
Ji-in… Yoon Ju-ho, who had never once called me that in private, had called me that several times today already.
“Ah… since before the debut… I see.”
He lowered his head and chuckled. Then, as if trying to shake off the alcohol or perhaps blaming himself, he shook his head several times. When he lifted his head to look at me again, a bitter smile lingered on his lips.
What could I possibly say in this position?
Even though the distance was so close that I could count the number of his eyelashes, there were very few words I was permitted to say to him.
As he straightened his upper body from leaning, his eyes briefly brushed over my upper lip, where the lip gloss had worn off and the wound was revealed. The moment I turned my head to avoid his narrowing eyes, he grabbed my arm.
Just as I was about to push him away, the Team Leader abruptly intervened.
“Team Leader, wouldn’t it be great if these two actors became the next ambassadors for ‘Creep’ whiskey? The visual is just too good. I believe the contract for the current model is expiring soon… what do you think?”
The hand gripping my arm slid away.
“That is a matter for Milton Korea, the importer, to decide.”
“If you just say you want it, Team Leader, the process would be simple.”
“Why? I am the PR Team Leader of Nox; why do you think I can interfere in Milton Korunauthorized copyEND: unauthorized copy -->ea’s affairs…?”
His voice, responding vaguely to the Team Leader as if his thoughts were elsewhere, was laced with displeasure.
“Ah… no. I misspoke.”
An aide standing opposite him stepped closer. Covering his lips with his hand, he whispered a few words into his ear.
“I have to show my face elsewhere… so I’ll take my leave. It was a pleasure meeting you both.”
With a short and firm bow, he hurried away. The two aides who had been with him at Director Kang Woo-hyun’s party followed behind him like shadows.
“Hah… man, he’s really hard to please. A chaebol is a chaebol, right?”
As soon as he passed through the arched entrance, the Team Leader of Team 1 clicked her tongue with a hollow laugh. She then gestured with her chin toward where he had disappeared.
“You know, right? That he’s the youngest of the Hanseo Group.”
“……”
Seeing Yoon Ju-ho drink his whiskey without any particular reaction, it was certain that he already knew.
“They call me Team Leader of Team 1, Team Leader of Team 2… but in reality, I’m just serving a boss younger than me. My eldest is becoming a high schooler the day after tomorrow, yet I have to live while walking on eggshells around a green brat who isn’t even thirty… I thought this was just drama material, who knew it would become my story.”
The Team Leader laughed heartily, pretending to brush it off.
Yoon Ju-ho, wearing a meaningless mask-like smile, simply tilted his cocktail glass.
“It’s not like he’ll become the chairman. In the end, he’s in a position where he’ll be treated like a cold meal if his sister doesn’t acknowledge him, right? I heard he spent three or four years at the New York branch… it’s absurd. Kim Jiwon became an assistant manager after three years at the company, right? But that guy is a Team Leader? A Team Leader?”
The pretense of brushing it off didn’t last long. As she spoke, the Team Leader’s tone became increasingly aggressive, as if anger were welling up.
It was uncomfortable to listen to such crude expressions. It became harder for [class="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">stolen content]me to manage my expression. My gaze, wandering dizzily through the air, looked toward the entrance where he had disappeared, but he was already gone.
Without even taking the time to savor the taste, I downed the milky cocktail Yoon Ju-ho had made like it was beer.
The Team Leader, with a thick layer of soft fat under her chin, glared toward the entrance while bringing the glass to her lips. Then, she muttered as if talking to herself.
“That bastard illegitimate child, acting so arrogant…”
I could no longer endure this place. After emptying the remaining half of the cocktail, I handed the empty glass to the bartender.
“I think I need to find my manager. Please excuse me.”
I gave a slight bow to the Team Leader and the assistant manager and turned away without hesitation.
She was someone who spoke harshly even about a member of the owner’s family of the company she belonged to. She might think of it as courage or justice. So, how much easier would it be for her to slander someone like me, who isn’t even a top star? She might even fly into a rage, saying a piece of trash celebrity who sells their face has no manners.
I didn’t care.
On the stage installed inside the central hall, a solo singer was performing. It was an OST from a drama that had recently ended with great popularity. I slowly pushed through the crowd of people enjoying the performance and singing along.
Back in my early debut days, performances at these kinds of events were mostly jazz-based, whether vocal or instrumental. In a few years, luxury brands had been changing the nature of their events to target the ‘Young Rich’ in their 20s and 30s, who had emerged as new key customers. I could feel that the average age of the guests filling the venue had dropped significantly.
‘It’s Jeong Ji-in, Jeong Ji-in. Wow, daebak. Look how small his face is. What do you mean small, all celebrities are like that.’
Pretending not to hear the words evaluating me brazenly even at a distance where they were clearly audible, I barely managed to escape the crowd.
At the central bar where I had first shared a cocktail with the General Manager upon entering the venue, I ordered a straight this time. I needed a strong drink.
I hastily emptied the drink, which filled about two fingers.
While saying I was looking for my manager, my eyes were unconsciously searching the crowd for a tall height and horn-rimmed glasses that would stand out.
And if I find him? What am I going to do after finding him?
I had stopped sleeping with you months before I reunited with you. It was a relationship I intended to end even if it wasn’t you.
Am I trying to make such an excuse? Would that even be a consideration for him?
I grimaced hard as I let the last sip of whiskey slide down my throat. He was nowhere to be seen, though he would have been easily spotted if he were within my line of sight.
“One more on the rocks, please.”
I chewed my lower lip, staring blankly at the bartender’s hand as he poured whiskey over ice.
The moment I reached out to take the glass, someone quietly grabbed my upper arm from behind. Based on the firmness of the grip, I instinctively knew it wasn’t him. Yet, I couldn’t help the way my heart raced with anticipation.
“Ji-in, so this is where you were.”
I turned to find Assistant Manager Kim Jiwon from Nox standing there. She visit our siteordered a bottle of water and frowned as she looked at me.
“I’m so sorry about earlier. The atmosphere was really awkward, wasn’t it?”
“Not at all. You had a hard time managing things in the middle. I hope my sudden departure didn’t put you in a difficult spot.”
“Don’t worry about that. Our team leader clung to Yoon Ju-ho, probably trying to build some personal connection. I don’t know what he thinks he’ll gain by getting close to Yoon Ju-ho…”
Even though she trailed off as if talking to herself, her words were clear enough for me to hear. After twisting open the cap and taking a refreshing gulp of water, she leaned comfortably against the bar.
“Before Team Leader Lee returned to the country, the PR team consisted of only one person, so it was entirely his world. To be honest, everyone in the company knows that Team Leader Lee already received rigorous management training at the New York branch during his college years… regardless of other things, everyone shut their mouths about his professional competence within six months. Even though the standards set by the CEO were incredibly high, he’s clearing them one by one. Meanwhile, our team leader is the type who only works with his mouth, always asking, ‘Isn’t there something better?’”
She looked down at the glass in my hand and smacked her lips, but she only drank more water and didn’t order any alcohol. She seemed to be controlling her intake since she was on duty.
“No one in the company thinks the two are rivals, but he’s the only one acting like that out of an inferiority complex toward Team Leader Lee. The fact that Ji-in is scheduled to appear in eternal night was all in the report. It’s a fact that he didn’t even read it properly.”
“……”
He was plagued by an excessive workload almost every day. I thought about his tight schedule, where he had to increase his overtime during the week just to secure a full weekend of rest. I also thought about the achievements he was garnering after joining the Korean headquarters, as reported in various articles.
At the very least, he wasn’t someone to be treated as an arrogant chaebol occupying a position beyond his abilities.
“Ah… this is company business, but I’ve complained for too long, haven’t I?”
“Not at all. I’ve never worked in a corporate environment, so hearing stories like this is actually interesting.”
She gave a slight smile. Then, standing on her tiptoes, she reached out and pointed toward the northern corner of the venue.
“There’s a special room downstairs where VIPs can taste the drinks comfortably. I’ve put your name on the list, so please move over there and enjoy yourself. There are too many eyes here, so it’ll probably be uncomfortable for you.”
“Thank you for your consideration.”
“You’re a guest I invited who came without even asking for a travel allowance, [unauthorized copy]on Read BL Novels]copy -->so this is the least I can do. Well then, let’s make sure we see each other again when Ji-in becomes a Nox model.”
I watched her receding figure in silence before draining the rest of my glass. I left the bar, thinking that he, who was invisible here, might be downstairs. At the entrance to the stairs, a staff member in a suit checked the list and granted me entry.
An event held by inviting VIPs. And among them, a special room gathering only the VIPs of VIPs.
Unlike the upper floor, which was decorated like a trendy club, the lower floor felt like a dark, dignified hideout.
The interior reminded me of the basement of Lee Seo-gyeong’s New York mansion, and for a moment, my throat tightened, but I steadied my breathing and ventured deeper inside.
Small bars were positioned here and there, and while there were private rooms, there were no separate hall seats. The private rooms didn’t have doors, but they were structured so that the inside wasn’t easily visible from the outside. Some even had curtains drawn shut.
Just as I had adjusted to the dim lighting, someone grabbed my shoulder from behind.
“You look disappointed. I guess you were looking for someone.”
It was Yoon Ju-ho.
Brushing his hand away, I let out a secret sigh. I couldn’t tell if it was a sigh of relief or disappointment.
“Why does it feel like you’re following me around?”
“Me? You?”
Yoon Ju-ho shrugged and laughed with a look of unfairness. I didn’t care about that. I looked at him with focused eyes.
“What was that about upstairs? Doing that all of a sudden is really baffling.”
“I’m equally baffled by you, who suddenly wants to end things without any particular reason.”
“……”
Actually, I have a lover, just like you’re saying. So accept the end cleanly. — For a moment, I felt the impulse to say that. But judging by Yoon Ju-ho’s current attitude, it visit style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[visit our site]our sitedidn’t seem like he would back down with just that.
He would try to find out who the other person was, and then he would demand proof that it was true.
“Director Kang Woo-hyun and Seonbae Seo Eui-ju are here, so I said my hellos and came out. Do you want to go show your face too?”
Neither of them was a comfortable person for me right now. I shook my head.
I walked to the nearest bar table and ordered a drink. The bartender, who gave a long explanation about ‘Creep’ whiskey, stopped the guidance and served the drink when I showed no interest.
Ignoring Yoon Ju-ho, who followed me, I sat on a bar stool and tilted my glass.
Yoon Ju-ho didn’t take a seat but stood beside me and ordered a double straight.
“Take this.”
What he abruptly held out was the lip gloss he had personally applied to me upstairs.
“The color suited you well, so use it.”
“……”
My face twisted harshly. Even though I lowered my voice, I couldn’t hide my irritation.
“What exactly are you trying to do? Do you really want to date me?”
“I’ve given you more expensive gifts than this when I went on overseas business trips. What’s the problem with this little thing?”
The timing was the problem. Previously, even when we exchanged high-end liquor or luxury gifts, I felt there were no emotions attached to them. We were in a sexual relationship, but we were also fellow actors. They were items exchanged without weight. Now, I didn’t want to owe him even a single cigarette.
Yoon Ju-ho nonchalantly shook the lip gloss in front of me. I really didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with him right now. Just as I was about to stand up to avoid him, someone abruptly intervened.
“Oh? A familiar face.”
“……”
It was a man—a friend and colleague of his… whose name I couldn’t quite remember. The man, who acknowledged me first, turned his gaze toward Yoon Ju-ho standing beside me.
“You know Park Ho-young, right? He’s in that room over there, come and drink with us.”
The man spoke cheerfully in Korean, though a strong English accent remained. It was very different from the stiff atmosphere when I encountered him at his house last time.
Fiddling with the glass in my hand, I hesitated for a moment.
As if asking why I wasn’t getting up, the man gestured with his head. His face, wearing a somewhat fishy smile, seemed certain that I wouldn’t refuse this proposal.
As I swirled the glass, the ice collided, creating a clear sound.
Yoon Ju-ho, standing to my left, placed his hand on my shoulder with a chilling tenderness.
“Let’s go. You probably hate being here alone with me anyway. Hmm?”
Looking up, I saw him tilting his eyes slightly with a smile on his face.
Is there no option where you leave this place and leave me alone?
After swirling the glass once more, I poured the barely diluted alcohol into my mouth. With a ‘come what may’ mindset, I rose from the stool.
He was a man who followed him like a shadow. There was a high probability that he would be wherever this man led.
While moving, I wondered several times if I should just run away. Because he would probably think I was brazen for walking right into a place where I could fully expect him to be.
However, contrary to my expectations, he was not visible in the private room. Whether I was disappointed or relieved by that fact, I couldn’t tell this time either.
“Sit down.”
As the man suggested, I sat in a seat with my back to the entrance. The sofa, with its wide width and excessive plushness, naturally forced one’s posture to loosen. In fact, most of the people sitting around the table were enjoying their drinks in a nearly reclining position. Because I didn’t want to look disheveled, I perched on the edge of the seat and sat with my back straight.
A couple of people acknowledged Yoon Ju-ho, but he didn’t go to them and instead settled into the seat next to me.
Most of the people gathered in the room appeared to be in their late twenties, around the same age. They looked more maturely dressed than the average late-twentysomething. Even without a single luxury brand logo visible, a certain level of wealth permeated them deeply.
Only one man, sitting close to a woman, looked youthful, like someone in his early twenties. Looking closely, he seemed to be a member of some idol group.
“What drink would you like? On the rocks?”
“Yes.”
At my answer, the man picked up a decanter from the table and served me a glass on the rocks. Yoon Ju-ho poured the whiskey directly from the bottle without adding ice. Without any toast, we each began to drink.
His aide, sitting in a spot turned away from me around a corner, style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[unauthorized copy]pretended to put the glass to his lips and glanced over here.
“I couldn’t acknowledge you upstairs, but you remember me, right?”
I felt Yoon Ju-ho’s gaze from my left looking at me inquisitively. He must be wondering what connection could exist between me and the closest aide of the Nox Hotel team leader.
Before I could answer, someone inside asked with interest.
“Oh? Yoo Joon, were you acquainted with actor Jeong Ji-in?”
“No. Not me, but Han-i knows him. Ah… should I say he knew him.”
“What’s that about? That sounds unnecessarily meaningful.”
People giggled with voices full of intoxication. Most seemed to be personally close. It wasn’t an atmosphere where business purposes intervened.
The man’s eyes looked back and forth between me and Yoon Ju-ho.
“Come to think of it… you two are appearing in the same project this time, right?”
“Yes, that’s how it turned out.”
“Appearing in two consecutive projects together. That’s fateful. That’s what you call a ‘destined connection,’ right?”
It was clear by any measure that the man was not friendly toward me. Not only was the smile remaining on his face cynical, but his eyes were full of hostility bordering on contempt.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t guess why this man, his closest aide, was being so sharp with me. Even if I hadn’t heard the detailed story, he probably knew the general situation that we had broken up. But that was strictly a problem between him and me.
“I imagine you’re busy enough with hotel work. You seem to have a considerable interest in entertainment industry gossip, contrary to appearances.”
Hearing my response, the man bowed his head and laughed. Although he was hunching his shoulders as if folding his large frame, tension flowed through his body like a beast ready to attack the opponent at any moment.
“I’m part of the PR team. We can’t use people who might cause problems for events… or advertisements. stolen contentEND: stolen content -->stolen contentSo I always check the important issues. The behind-the-scenes… stories of celebrities…”
The man’s words trailed off. His face looked up toward the entrance to my left. I unconsciously followed his gaze.
“……”
With unsteady steps, he—Han Cheo-eum—was just entering the private room.
In a state far more disheveled than when he was at the upper floor venue, no trace of his public facade could be found. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, which he had left somewhere, and two buttons of his shirt were undone. Accordingly, the knot of his tie had loosened.
Having taken off his glasses and holding them in one hand, he ruffled his hair wildly with the other. And before he could even take two steps, he stopped as if he had tripped over something.
“……”
The face narrowing its brow as he looked down at me looked as if he had seen a ghost. He did not hide his bewilderment.
Yoon Ju-ho’s gaze was shifting Read [Read on Read BL Novels]on Read BL Novels]aria-label="visit our site">visit our sitebetween me and him, but I didn’t have the luxury to care about that.
“You’re here? I thought you went back because you were angry. Sit.”
The man spoke to him in a cheerful tone, as expected. Then, turning back to me, he finished the conversation from a moment ago.
“Stories about which celebrities are doing what nonsense where… those kinds of things reach me even if I don’t want to hear them.”
It was a tone that suggested he knew exactly what kind of nonsense I had been up to. The man’s attitude of acting libertine, as if he saw right through a person, was more uncomfortable than the easy-to-read arrogance of the Team Leader of Team 1 from earlier.
“You say the act of digging into and sharing the private lives of entertainment industry workers… quite boldly.”
At my words, the man chuckled again.
“It’s not that I dig into it out of personal curiosity, but it’s unavoidable because of work. It’s not like I enjoy doing it either. A drama can cost tens of millions of won per episode, and advertisements can involve hundreds of millions… from an employer’s perspective, they need to know if the person is managing themselves to meet the value of that money before they can entrust them with the work with peace of mind.”
Even with imprecise pronunciation, the man’s Korean skills were excellent. [unauthorized [Read on Read BL Novels][Read on Read BL Novels]copy]Speaking fluently with a face that was annoyingly smirking, the man smoothly swallowed the drink he had been holding.
Every time he swallowed, the mark where a tattoo had been removed on the left side of his neck, exposed above the shirt collar, twitched.
“Ah, come to think of it, I heard the competition for the role Jeong Ji-in took was fierce until the end. I heard you landed the part. Congratulations.”
“……”
I didn’t feel like returning the greeting with a thank you.
“I hope the drama does well.”
The man raised his glass to me and Yoon Ju-ho as if proposing a toast. However, neither of us responded to that toast. The man reached out himself and clinked his glass against ours in turn.
Sitting opposite the man, he leaned deep into the backrest and silently drank his alcohol. He wasn’t looking this way, but he wasn’t plugging his ears either.
The woman next to him picked up the glasses style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[stolen content]he had placed on the table and tried them on. Then she asked the man sitting to her left if they suited her.
Everyone seemed to be personally close to some extent. They were probably children of similar families, or friends who had attended the same famous private elementary, middle, and high schools before he went to study abroad.
“Let me try them too. I look great in horn-rimmed glasses. Give them here.”
A woman sitting close to the man who looked like an idol member, further away, reached out her arm and received the glasses. The man next to her grabbed her arm and shook it, complaining in a sulky voice.
“Ah, Noona, why are you trying on another man’s glasses?”
“What, are you jealous? These are glasses. Do you think I’m going to sleep with him?”
“Still… don’t wear them.”
“Sigh, our Baby is too jealous, this won’t do.”
As if unable to win, the woman returned the glasses across the table.
Like an ordinary couple, the man was showing possessiveness toward the woman. However, strangely, they looked like nothing more than a pampered pet and an owner who found it cute and indulged them.
If my guess was correct, she was already keeping a lover in an abnormal sponsor relationship in her late twenties.
Having received the glasses back, the woman put them on once more and reflected her image in her phone. And this time, she asked him, sitting to her right, if they suited her.
When he waved his arm as if it were a nuisance, the man to her left pulled the woman’s arm.
“That bastard is wasted. Just leave him alone.”
The man named Yoo Joon, who had been watching the commotion over there for a moment, looked at me again. Then he frowned, pointing at my lips.
“Those lips. That must hurt.”
“It’s just a bit stinging; it’s nothing major.”
“I saw Yoon Ju-ho applying something to your lips earlier. Wow… that was impressive. People liked it so much I thought it was some kind of performance.”
“Yoo Joon, stop.”
It was his voice.
Though it was thick with the effects of alcohol, the tone was firm, almost like a command.
In any way, I thought he wouldn’t intervene in what was happening here. That he wouldn’t be able to speak to me nonchalantly, nor would he be able to leave the seat. Just as I couldn’t.
My chest tightened as if the command to stop had been addressed directly to me.
But of course, it was an attempt to stop the man’s provocation to protect me.
Sunk into the sofa with his glass dangling from his [Read [Read on Read BL Novels]on Read BL Novels[stolen content]style="font-size:0;position:absolute;left:-9999px;">]hand over his knee, he was staring down at the edge of the table. With slow, deep breaths, the rise and fall of his broad chest was vivid.
“What, am I not even allowed to worry about you?”
“No.”
At the man’s sarcasm, he looked up and gave a short answer.
Eyes glancing upward as if glaring, his gaze shifted from the man to me. This time, I didn’t avoid his eyes. I stared silently at his face, which looked heavily intoxicated.
It wasn’t to feel relief by seeing the traces left by the time he spent suffering, unable to accept our breakup. Nor was it to confirm that his feelings for me hadn’t changed. I simply wanted to see him. Unable to think of any other secondary reason, I just wanted to take him in with my eyes.
Even though I knew he was now someone I shouldn’t seek out for such reasons.
A hollow laugh sounded from the seat beside me.
“Yi-han, are you a child?”
“What you’re doing right now isn’t very adult-like either.”
As soon as the man finished speaking, he shot back and drained the alcohol in his glass in one go. After swallowing a large amount of whiskey without a single ice cube, he immediately refilled the glass. I hoped someone would stop him, but no one stepped forward.
Yoon Ju-ho spoke with a smile, pretending to be a good person.
“He got hurt because of me. So, as a way of apologizing, I applied some ointment to earn some points… but Ji-in seemed to find it even more repulsive.”
I felt the fellow’s gaze looking at me affectionately on my left cheek. I was appalled by that deep look, as if he were about to stroke my cheek with the back of his hand at any moment. I was almost impressed by the acting skills of a top actor.
“That sounds even more suspicious. How did you manage to hurt his lips? Perhaps you had a rough kiss?”
“Haha… it’s nothing like that. We were just playing around a bit too roughly, that’s all.”
Though he was smiling on the surface, Yoon Ju-ho’s voice was gradually becoclass="wm-strong" style="position:relative;display:inline;">[stolen content]aria-label="Read on Read BL Novels">Read on Read BL Novelsming sharp and irritable.
The man curled one corner of his mouth in an explicit sneer. It meant: who would be fooled by such a clumsy lie?
Tilting his head crookedly while swirling the glass in his hand, the man reached out with his other hand toward my lips.
“Interesting. What kind of ‘playing around’ do grown men do to tear a lip like this?”
It was an unexpected approach from someone I didn’t even know well. Without realizing it, I pulled my upper body back and grabbed the approaching wrist, slamming it down onto the table. The man’s eyes widened, as if my reflexive defense was surprising.
My younger brothers and I had practiced Gongkwon Yusul once a week during our teens. While it was a fairly aggressive martial art for self-defense, my mother chose it because she believed defense alone was insufficient for preparing for dangerous moments.
Though I wasn’t at a professional level, I had acquired the basic skills to protect myself and the knowledge of how to handle force.
I let go of his wrist immediately, but I didn’t want to apologize for my action. Due to the slight commotion, the people drinking inside were now watching us.
Yoon Ju-ho stepped in to break the silence.
With a short curse, he slammed his glass roughly onto the table.
“He’s just as ‘interesting’ as you are. Why are you so interested in other people’s business? Since you live as a parasite clinging to a chaebol… do you mistake yourself for being of that class?”
Given his personality, I thought he was enduring it longer than usual.
Upon hearing Yoon Ju-ho’s provocation, the smile masking composure vanished from the man’s face. The flesh of his cheek twitched with rage.
It seemed the fellow knew more information about the man named Yoo Joon than I did.
Clack.
Setting his glass on the table opposite them, he stood up.
“Yoo Joon, get up.”
“……”
“I said let’s go. Can’t you hear me?”
His voice was so full of anger that it almost sounded sad. The tightly clenched muscles of his jaw were quivering.
Without taking his eyes off Yoon Ju-ho, the man answered him.
“If it’s because there are third parties here, then kick everyone else out.”
Suddenly, this situation felt ridiculous. And I felt the most ridiculous of all.
Leaving Yoon Ju-ho and the man facing off with me in the middle, I stood up from my seat.
“There’s no need for that; I’ll be leaving. Please excuse me.”
The moment I stood up, our eyes met, but that was all. Without any hesitation, I left the room with quick steps. I practically ran across the hall that felt like a long corridor.
“Jeong Ji-in, Jeong Ji-in!”
The one who caught me and turned me around after the sound of fast footsteps was… Yoon Ju-ho.
“Come with me. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Cut it out. It’s not like I don’t have a temper…!”
As I raised my voice and roughly brushed off the arm holding my shoulder, I saw him in the distance over Yoon Ju-ho’s shoulder.
He was leaning against the entrance of the room, looking this way.
It was my fault, and it was my greed.
It was because I had acted ambiguously even after saying it was over.
Coming to the event was for work, and encountering him there was unavoidable… but coming down to this basement was clearly my own will and my choice. It was a selfish lingering desire to find him and see him.
Since the relationship had ended, it wasn’t polite to appear unnecessarily and disturb the other person’s heart. I… had been too impolite to him.
“You probably won’t understand.”
“……”
“The people who put up with you… they aren’t staying silent because they’re afraid of you or because they accept your behavior.”
Brushing back the hair falling over my forehead, I looked into Yoon Ju-ho’s eyes.
“It’s because they feel that if they do, they’ll [Read on Read BL Novels]move past being annoyed [unauthorized copye="font-size:0;position:absolute;left:-9999px;">]and start despising you… Please, for the love of god, stop these strange behaviors lately.”
Leaving Yoon Ju-ho, who was watching me silently, I turned around. As I climbed the stairs, which were dark enough that I might misstep if I lost focus for a moment, I searched my jacket pocket to call the General manager.
“……”
In the pocket that should have contained only my phone without a wallet, I felt an unfamiliar presence. My steps on the stairs stopped. With a heavy sigh, I leaned my shoulder against the wall. I didn’t know when it had been put there, but the lip gloss Yoon Ju-ho told me to take was in my pocket.
I hadn’t intended for this. I felt firmly trapped within a tangle that had become complicated, twisted, and hardened.
I pulled down the knot of my tie. I couldn’t breathe otherwise.
* * *
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