2.1 – in the beginning, there was you
The weather was incredibly clear. It was to the point where driving without sunglasses was difficult. Since I had spent my time moving from a climate-controlled interior to a car with the air conditioning running, I couldn’t properly feel the temperature, but looking at the color of the sky, summer was in full bloom.
On the way here in his car at dawn, I had thought it would be a mansion with few units, but his home was actually a detached house. As I looked up from the alley after passing through the garage’s overhead door, the dark gray exterior of the building was mostly hidden by high walls. It was a structure that made it difficult to gauge the scale from the outside.
I turned my gaze away from the receding building to look at his profile.
“You’re someone who cancels appointments time and time again, so I feel even more sorry that you went as far as dropping me off.”
“It’s my day off today. This isn’t a big deal.”
He spoke with a shrug, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Watching him sit behind the wheel in his sunglasses, I felt as if I were driving along the coastal roads of Paelli. Perhaps it was because of the clear summer weather.
It was true that lately, I had been thinking about home more often. It was probably proof that I had become that exhausted and fragile.
Leaning the back of my head against the car window in an uncomfortable, twisted posture, I watched him before straightening my body. I looked around the interior of his SUV, which I had been in before—and where we had shared intense foreplay in the backseat.
“I haven’t driven since I came to Korea, but I’m thinking about buying a car soon.”
“I suppose… taking taxis must be a bit worrying.”
“Actually, the drivers hardly recognize me. More than that, even if you’re not in this industry, most people my age have a car… It would be nice to go for a drive when I feel stifled.”
The words—that since neither of us had flexible schedules, having a car would unauthorized copybe helpful for our [visit our site]future meetings—didn’t quite make it out of my mouth.
As we exchanged talk about cars and which models were good, we were soon near the destination. Although the atmosphere was completely different from the affluent neighborhood where he lived, it was in the same district. Despite some traffic, it took less than 20 minutes.
After parking in the public lot closest to my lodging, he insisted on following me out. He stubbornly argued that since he had voided his holiday schedule for me in an instant, I should at least concede this much… and since he was a man I had no grounds to argue with on that front, I couldn’t refuse him until the end.
Saying it would be better to cover my face even a little, he gave me his sunglasses. Then, imitating a manager, he was excessively wary of the surroundings. As three or four middle and high school students walking toward us drew closer, he draped his arm over my shoulder. I couldn’t help but laugh when he started talking while pointing vaguely toward something in the distance.
He seemed displeased by my laughter.
“At that age, they have the courage to pounce on celebrities, so it’s dangerous. Didn’t you see them staring intently at you, Jeong Ji-in, from the corner?”
“Maybe they were looking because you’re so eye-catching, Yi-han. ‘Wow, look at that ahjussi, he’s huge!’ That’s probably what they were saying.”
Unlike other men his age, he didn’t react sensitively to the word ‘ahjussi.’ That in itself was proof that he was far from being one. In fact, dressed like this, he looked four or five years younger than when he wore a suit. It wasn’t just the clothes; his attitude and posture had changed, making him seem that way. His expressions were also much more varied.
The residential area on a Sunday was quiet.
Walking and exchanging trivial jokes in the summer heat, where sweat beaded slightly on the bridge of my nose and temples, wasn’t bad. The tension of having to film an audition video seemed to ease to some extent.
I had studied the character by carefully reviewing the original webtoon, as well as the script and synopsis provided for the first audition, several times. Honestly, if external factors like an actor’s popularity or background influence were excluded, I had a certain amount of confidence. All that remained was to sufficiently show what I had prepared. From my position, there was nothing more I could do.
It took about another three-minute walk from the roadside to the alley where my lodging was located. It wasn’t a very deep alley, but it included a fairly steep incline along the way. Wiping the sweat trickling down from my temple with the back of my hand, I lightly pushed his back toward the alley stretching to the right.
“See that house with the unauthorized copywhite wall visit our siteover there? Turn one more time there… and…”
My voice trailed off, and he turned to look at my face, wondering what was wrong.
At the end of my gaze, Hyung-soo was just turning the corner.
“Huh? Hyung…”
Soon, Hyung-soo spotted me too. Hyung-soo’s gaze naturally shifted from me to him. Seeing the guy dressed up in all black in the hot weather, I forced a smile, hiding my awkwardness.
“Are you on your way out?”
“Yeah, sort of. Someone asked to meet… Weren’t you going to a housewarming party?”
“I went. The house was nice. It was something Young-joo could be proud of. You should go sometime.”
“No thanks, I’m not as broad-minded as you, Hyung. I don’t really want to celebrate others doing well.”
Even while talking, Hyung-soo glanced at him from time to time. His gaze was searching, almost to the point of being rude, which made me mindful of his reaction. He stood a couple of steps away from us, hands thrust into his jeans’ back pockets, pacing and looking around the unremarkable alley.
Since he was a person of clear status, there was nothing stopping me from introducing him. He was a hotel official, so it wouldn’t be strange to say we met through work, and we had actually crossed paths twice at events.
However, bringing such a person all the way here was a bit strange—at least, it was behavior unlike my usual self.
“Oh, I borrowed your watch, Hyung. I sent a message [stolen content]class="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">visit our site]wm: stolen content -->but you didn’t reply, so I just wore it out…”
Hyung-soo raised his wrist, showing the watch beneath the fluttering sleeve of his black shirt. It was a high-end wristwatch brought from Italy. Since coming to Seoul, I hadn’t bought many expensive things, not even a single T-shirt, but among the items brought from Italy, there were quite a few expensive pieces gifted by my mother. Hyung-soo occasionally borrowed them when going out.
Usually, he was a guy who was bold to the point of being excessive, but perhaps it weighed on him that he had worn it without permission, as his face looked cowed while gauging my reaction.
Instead of messing up his carefully styled hair, I smiled and tapped his cheek, just as I had done with the twins.
“It’s okay. Just don’t lose it.”
Only then did the guy smile in relief.
“I’ll be back. I’ll be late, so leave the latch open… and go to sleep first.”
After giving him one last scan, Hyung-soo gave him a slight nod of his head and hurried away up the hill we had just climbed.
I wondered if he would find it rude that I hadn’t introduced them. I turned back to him with that worry. But he seemed to have no interest in such things.
“‘I’ll be late, so go to sleep first’?”
Instead, he was chewing over the words Hyung-soo had left. He seemed dissatisfied with something. I grabbed the arm of the man who was standing there, looking crookedly in the direction Hyung-soo had disappeared.
The alley in front of the lodging, where at least five or six fans used to linger until a few days ago, was empty. Because the gap between the houses was narrow and cast shadows, the alley was cool and devoid of sunlight despite the clear weather.
“You said cars couldn’t enter [unauthorized copyclass="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">visit our site]up to the front of the house… I thought you were making excuses to keep me from coming.”
He spoke while looking around.
The residential area, formed long ago by haphazard house construction, had developed like a maze. While cars could enter the alleys closest to the main road, it was impossible to get this far inside. Therefore, neighbors had to endure the inconvenience when moving.
“It’s this house.”
“……”
He looked up intently at the building I pointed to. It was an old, modest brick house where four households resided: two on the first floor, and one each on the second and third. We were using the second floor.
The narrow and steep stairs exposed to the outside, the rusted front door that looked flimsy despite being made of iron, the wall next to the stairs that one could easily jump over, and the main gate where the interior was visible through the bars… His expression gradually darkened as he looked at these things.
“You could stay in a more pleasant place. You’re someone whose face is known, but the security here is too lax… no, there’s no security at all.”
“It’s the lodging I got when I signed with the company, and since there’s nothing particularly uncomfortable, I’ve just stayed here. There haven’t been any unfortunate incidents so far.”
The red brick wall was covered in graffiti left by ‘Layered’ fans. They were graffiti close to jokes that made me chuckle as I read them. He scanned them with a face as if he were reading shocking news, then turned back to me.
“Does your family… know? That you’re staying here, Jeong Ji-in?”
“……”
I took off his sunglasses and folded the temples.
It was a question that seemed to be asked because he knew my family’s circumstances. It sounded as if he were saying, ‘Couldn’t your family help you live in a more pleasant place?’
But on the other hand, it was something anyone could say. Regardless of the scale of their assets, all families naturally want their sons or brothers to live in a place that is even slightly safer and more pleasant.
“I’m telling you, it’s better than you think. Now that only two of us live here, I have my own room, and that younger brother from earlier mostly just sleeps at home. It’s not uncomfortable at all.”
His eyes narrowed. His lips parted as if he had something to say, then closed firmly; I felt I now knew a bit about what he wanted to say.
‘So you’ve been sharing a room with someone until now?’ That’s probably roughly what he wanted to say. But he was likely swallowing it for fear of appearing petty if he spoke it aloud.
To use his expression, because he didn’t want me to dislike him. To look good in my eyes.
His emotions were clearly visible, as if displayed in a clean, transparent showcase. That is, provided all these words and actions weren’t calculated acting to deceive me.
From the top of the narrow, winding alley, someone was coming down, chatting pleasantly. I couldn’t see them yet, but they were the voices of a young man and woman. I reached through the bars to unlock the main gate and pulled him inside.
Astonishment appeared on his face as he looked down at the incredibly flimsy locking mechanism. In front of the narrow cement-paved space that could hardly be called a yard were the stairs leading to the second floor.
His frozen expression soon brightened with anticipation. He took another step toward me and grinned. Pressing his lips close to my ear, he whispered in a low voice. The pair of young people coming down from the alley were passing by the main gate, chatting about a restaurant that had been introduced on TV last night.
“Are you letting me inside?”
“I don’t live here alone…”
“You said the younger ones moved out.”
“There’s also that younger brother I saw earlier, besides those ones.”
“Hmm…”
Pulling his body back about half a step, he shut his mouth with a dissatisfied expression. I let out a laugh at his profile, expressing his discontent while staring somewhere at the top of the building instead of looking at me.
“Why, do you not like the situation where I’m cohabiting alone with another man?”
“……”
I wondered if I had teased him a bit too much this time. To soothe him, I held his right hand while suppressing my laughter.
As if seeing something wondrous, he stared down at my hand gripping his.
“Next time. Next time, we’ll set a date in advance… and I’ll definitely invite you.”
“……”
“You’ll understand, right?”
His gaze slowly traveled up and captured my face for a long time. Then, stolen contentEND: stolen content -->he let out a short sigh of resignation.
“Being an actor isn’t something just anyone can do.”
After that mutter that sounded like talking to himself, he gripped my hand back firmly. The sensation of his long fingers rubbing the back of my hand was ticklish.
“Since it seems like an important day, I’ll go quietly today. It seemed like a role you wanted; I hope you definitely get the part. I should be cooperative.”
“Thank you for dropping me off. Even without me, uh… have a good rest of your holiday.”
It was a comment I had hesitated to add. Perhaps he liked the last part, as he bit his lip and grinned. I had felt uneasy because our appointments kept getting canceled contrary to my intentions, but seeing his smiling face, I felt somewhat forgiven.
Despite saying that, he didn’t let go of my hand even after I stepped onto the stairs. When I reached the second step, my arm was stretched to its limit, and as I stepped onto the third, the hand that had been loosely pulling me finally let go. I shook my head as if he were acting like a teenager, but my face, now turned away from him, was smiling.
“Hyung.”
“……”
Just as I had climbed all the stairs and brushed the surface of the door lock to enter the password, an unexpected title called out to me. I stopped my hand and looked back.
He was looking up at me, both hands thrust into his jeans’ back pockets and his shoulders slightly shrugged.
“The Hyung who acts looks like a protagonist to me.”
“……”
“You’ll be able to pass the audition.”
“……”
“I’ll send you a message. Hyung.”
At the end, he deliberately drove the point home by saying ‘Hyung’ once more and grinned. Then he raised one hand and gave a short wave.
My heart fluttered strangely at a vague sense of déjà vu. Protagonist… the words saying I looked like a protagonist felt like they had touched something I had missed.
The sound of cicadas, which I hadn’t been conscious of until then, suddenly seeped into my hearing. It felt like only a few days ago that he first spoke to me at a hotel bar in Bangkok, but it was surprising to realize it was already the end of July.
I had felt it in the car on the way here, but there was something about him in jeans that reminded me of Paelli. Hyung. To call me Hyung… I didn’t expect that. Right. I am a Hyung, after all.
“Hurry inside. People will mistake you for a suspicious person.”
I was grateful for his words, but I replaced my answer with a smile. I hoped he would understand my heart.
I turned back and finished entering the password. Even after stepping inside the front door, I couldn’t take off my shoes for a while. I, too, felt the regret of parting. How long had it been since such emotions flowed into my daily life?
Feeling an attraction to someone, and an exchange where the other person shows the same feeling toward me. I had lived forgetting this positive function of romantic feelings for a very long time.
“……”
The smile that had lingered on my lips suddenly faded.
A very faint clue flashed through my mind. There was a memory I had buried for a while, for a quite long time. Could it be…? The suspicion tried to connect that past with the present.
But in the next moment, I immediately shook my head and chuckled. I felt embarrassed alone as I took a can of beer from the refrigerator and drank it while standing.
Even I thought it was an overly leap-of-faith imagination.
Although it was a long time ago, the child in my memory was purity itself. That was different from being clumsy because of young age. Even at a young age, there were plenty of people who were aggressive or proactive. But that child couldn’t even make proper eye contact with me. No matter how much time had passed, it seemed unlikely that he would have become a man as skilled in seduction as he is now.
Moreover, if that child were the current him, why would he pretend not to know me? If the two were the same person and he wanted to pretend not to know me, he wouldn’t have spoken to me from the start, in Bangkok. Similarly, if he had no intention of pretending not to know me, he would have revealed who he was from the beginning.
Having emptied about a third of the beer, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I leaned against the refrigerator and sank into thought for a moment. Come to think of it, it had been quite a while since I had thought of that child.
It was a memory that had now become faint and faded, remaining only as a vague image, like a painting where most sections had been blurred with pastels. However, a few impressive scenes remained, their outlines sharp and clear, like patterns embossed into a stone tablet that refused to wear away.
How much does memory align with reality? Had I beautified the experience and added flesh to it, making it more beautiful and poignant? Or had I come to possess a memory that had been stripped, distorted, and reconstructed? I no longer felt certain.
It was a contradictory memory—one I didn’t want to remember too vividly, yet at the same time, hoped would not fade.
I set the can, which still had some alcohol left, down in the sink. I entered the room at the far left, which I had once shared with Hyung-soo but had now become my private room. Sitting on the floor, I reached my hand into the space between the bunk bed and the floor, groping around. I wasn’t the meticulous type who took care of every little thing, but I did keep the truly important things gathered in one place.
I pulled out a rectangular cardboard box I had received when buying new sneakers and set it on the [unauthorized copy]table. Even though I had collected things for over four years since coming to Korea, they didn’t even Read stolen contenton Read BL Novelsfill half the box, and even then, they were in a jumble. The box containing things from before I came to Korea remained in my room at Paelli’s.
A half-folded note on top easily caught my eye. It was a memo he had left behind in a hotel room in Bangkok.
At the time, I had only confirmed that the content of the memo was an email address without actually reading the account. Perhaps because the desired account was already in use by someone else, he had inserted special characters in unnatural positions, and it took some time before I realized the meaning of the account.
in the beginning. In the beginning.
Giving a light laugh at the email address composed of such grandiose words, I then pulled his business card from the box.
The email listed on the business card used the Nox domain. The domain was different from the address left in Bangkok, but the account similarly included in the beginning. Thinking it was somewhat eccentric to put personality into a business email, I tucked the memo and the business card back into the box.
To think that the man who had just dropped me off in front of my lodging might be that boy from the past. Thinking about it again, it was an imagination unlike me.
In my memory, that boy was closer to an endless youth than a young man. His appearance, the look in his eyes, even the cautious way he breathed… everything was green and unripe, so I couldn’t even picture him as a fully grown man in his late twenties.
Regardless of the possibility, since it had come to mind, I intended to compare them just for fun. It wasn’t that difficult of a task.
Since it was Sunday, it happened to be Ian’s day off. Looking at the desk clock, it was just past 3 PM. In Paelli’s time, it was 7 AM. If it was the Jeong Ian I knew, he would be sleeping in until 10 or 11 on a holiday morning.
There was no rush at all. I sent a message asking him to contact me when he woke up, and after that, I focused on filming.
I logged into my email, skimmed through the materials, connected the printer, and printed the script. It was a scene where ‘Yi-soo,’ who believes himself to be a hybrid of a Vampire and a human, thinks the male lead ‘Jeong Seol’ is human and warns ‘Hwaye’ to stop approaching him.
I set up a tripod on the table, fixed my phone, and stood in front of the white wall opposite me. When I had shared the room with Hyung-soo, this was where Hyung-soo’s desk stood, piled with clothes, audition scripts, Read on Read BL Novelsdata-wm="unauthorized copy" style="display:none;" aria-label="unauthorized copy">unauthorized copyand all sorts of junk like lighters he’d picked up outside.
Inevitably, it didn’t go well at first. While monitoring the footage, I continued to refine the angle of my face, the gaze, and the breathing. As if angry, or sneering, or in a business-like tone with emotions completely suppressed… I filmed several versions greedily, and it felt like there would be no end if I kept going. It was the point where I needed an objective judgment from someone else.
About thirty files, each around three minutes long, had eventually accumulated in my phone’s gallery. I picked a few of the better ones and sent them to the company’s general manager. Because I had filmed under home lighting, the screen seemed a bit dark. Thinking that I might have to move to the company’s practice room and reshoot depending on the general manager’s feedback, I picked up the water bottle on the table.
“……”
The bottle was empty before I knew it. Come to think of it, I was hungry. But first, I wanted a strong shot of espresso.
The clock hands now indicated that it was past 7 PM. It was after I had spent over four hours straight clinging to the filming.
Once I became conscious of the passage of time, I felt completely drained. I left the room, poured water into a cup noodle, and pulled a double espresso from the capsule coffee machine. Only after draining the coffee right where I stood did I feel my mind returning.
I flopped down at the dining table and checked my messages while waiting for the noodles to cook.
In the meantime, three messages had arrived from Team leader Yi-han, and one from Ian. My finger instinctively touched the message window with him first.
《This is why I tried not to bring you home if possible.》
Looking at the time, it seemed to be a message sent shortly after he arrived home. There was no explanation of the surrounding circumstances, but I could roughly tell what he wanted to say.
Imagining his face looking lonely while chasing phantoms of my image in the dining room, bedroom, or bathroom… I was smiling.
The next message had arrived about 30 minutes after the first one.
《I think I’ll just go back to my parents’ house and work. Contact me when you have time.》
After ending the message while pretending to be nonchalant, he added one more about ten minutes later.
《It would be even better if you made a special effort to find time to contact me. I’ll be waiting.》
He was a somewhat unusual type of person.
While openly revealing that he was anxious about losing me, he was neither servile nor pathetic. He was different from people who worry about appearing shabby or obsess over pride and weigh the frequency of contact in the process of trying to make someone they like a romantic partner.
Nor did he push to an uncomfortable degree. If I created a gap, he stepped in exactly that much. Instead, he didn’t leave enough room for me to escape. He pressed close, coming in until our breaths touched.
It was perfectly consistent with the way his penis entered me.
He doesn’t try to force it open. With patience, he closely observes the reaction and pushes in only as much as it opens. Then, the moment he judges that I am completely open, he sharply captures a momentary change that even I am unaware of, and plunges in so deep it takes my breath away.
Suddenly, I felt a chill. At the same time, a heavy throb pulsed between my legs. I wasn’t a child; it was ridiculous that I was stimulated just by recalling his method of insertion.
Rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment, I moved to Ian’s message window.
Surprisingly, Ian’s contact had arrived around 5 PM. It said to call him whenever it was convenient. I finished the cup noodles first and then called the brat. Just as I was thinking of hanging up, the call finally connected.
[Hyung!]
At the bright and healthy voice, I smiled silently and leaned back loosely against the chair.
[What are you doing? Are you home?]
[I’m on Ischia Island right now.]
My younger brother had taken a day off tomorrow, Monday, and had been on a short three-day trip since yesterday. Since he was scheduled to help with the shortage of hands at the peak-season ‘Mio Palazzo’ during the entire hair salon’s two-week vacation starting the first week of August, he had gone on a short trip before that.
It seemed like several friends were with him, but judging by the excitement in his voice, it seemed the salon colleague he’d been interested in lately was also on the trip.
[I’m leaving after breakfast tomorrow… so I think I’ll arrive home after noon? What’s up? If it’s urgent, I’ll tell Jung Yui.]
[No, it’s not urgent at all. Just contact me again when you get home. Have a great trip.]
After finishing the call, I saw a message from the general manager. The general manager had narrowed the five videos down to two. However, the production company did not allow multiple videos.
I agreed to the general manager’s suggestion to come to the company, try filming both videos again, and then have a meeting. By the time I cleared away what I had eaten, hurried through my preparations to go out, and stepped out the front door, the long midsummer sun was almost completely set. The edge of the sunset was burning its last embers in the western sky.
I froze for a moment as I recalled the image of him waving to me while standing at the bottom of the stairs. Even if I hadn’t let him into the house, I was no different from him in that I had to face the other person’s shadow.
Realizing belatedly that I hadn’t replied to him, I hurriedly pulled the phone from my back pocket. I left a message as I hurried out of the alley we had walked up together.
《Be a good boy and work hard until Hyung contacts you.》
■
Actor Jeong Ji-in has been finalized for the role of ‘Yi-soo’ in the drama
The production company ‘Wellmade’ announced this afternoon, “We decided on the casting after judging that actor Jeong Ji-in’s stable acting skills and delicate mask, which he has shown in numerous works, satisfy the requirements for the role of ‘Yi-soo’.”
The agency ‘UB Entertainment’ also stated, “We consider this an opportunity to show more of actor Jeong Ji-in’s charms. We will draw empathy from the viewers through his keen character analysis and deep emotional acting. Please look forward to the actor’s transformation.”
Jeong Ji-in has shone in many works with his consistent and solid acting skills, appearing in numerous productions without break. As he has not had any notable activities since
Since this is also a work where he will appear consecutively with actor Yoon Ju-ho following
Meanwhile,
■
There was no specific mention of when the results would be announced, but I suffered from anxiety immediately after sending the footage to the production company. After sending the videos on Sunday night, I couldn’t sleep properly.
Only after the outside grew bright did I finally fall into a shallow sleep, and around 10 AM, I gave up on sleeping more and sat up disheveled.
I felt like I would be restless all day if I stayed at the lodging. I contacted Seo-hae Hyung to see if he had any free time and set an appointment.
I increased the intensity of my workout more than usual. Since I had to focus on posture, flow, and breathing, I could escape stolen contentstyle="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[visit our site][visit our site]other thoughts during the exercise. It worked. Although the moment I stepped down from the Cadillac, the anguish rushed back as if it had been waiting.
“It’s more surprising that you’ve lived without a car until now. You made a good decision. You’re not the type of person who can just call managers anytime and treat them like taxis. You should have bought one sooner.”
At the mention of buying a car, Hyung nodded while cutting the corner of a cake with the edge of a fork.
Today, a slice of cheesecake came out as a post-workout snack instead of fruit. Hyung was strict about management, saying he had a constitution that gained weight easily, but occasionally, when it was too hard to resist, he enjoyed desserts like this. Unlike me, who didn’t particularly like sweets and moved my fork slowly, Hyung was diligently breaking down the cake and moving it into his mouth.
“I’m thinking of buying a used one.”
“Used? What conditions do you want? Should I try to find one for you?”
“You?”
“I have an incredibly wide network, you know. There’s a certified pre-owned car service where the official M company importer buys and sells directly. There are quite a few display vehicles or test-drive vehicles with less than 5,000km. If you’re okay with used, that place is good. What model do you want?”
Hyung was indeed the right person for this. It was true that he had a wide network, and he was someone who enjoyed helping others. Although I didn’t know the exact details of his life because he had many light conversations but rarely opened up about his deep personal stories, he didn’t seem like someone who just stayed at the studio and gave lessons.
“I think an SUV would be better than a sedan… Just, something where the exterior isn’t too flashy, the fuel efficiency is decent, and it’s a sturdy car I can drive comfortably.”
It was a boring request. Hyung’s expression, which had been swelling with anticipation, became indifferent.
“You look like someone who would put in a bespoke order for a Rolls-Royce, specifying every single interior material… Fine, then just give me a rough price range. I’ll ask them to pick a few and show them to you.”
It was then that I received a call from Jae-woo, telling me that the role of ‘Yi-sooe:0;">unauthorized copy’ had come to me.
I put down my fork without having eaten much of the cake, and the moment I pushed the plate toward Hyung, who was eyeing my share of the cake, the phone rang.
An excited Jae-woo was almost screaming. Later, his voice even trembled slightly.
I wasn’t affiliated with a large agency, nor did I have an incredibly wealthy sponsor, so I wasn’t ignorant of how the industry worked to the point of being giddy with the hope that the role would come to me. It was a world where a face wasn’t everything, and sometimes, acting wasn’t everything either.
It was something I had clung to, holding onto the minimum, insignificant expectation, so as not to leave behind the regret that I had given up too easily.
“What’s the call? Why is your manager making such a fuss? Is there good news?”
“Uh… my appearance in
“Director Hwang Su-young’s drama? The one where Ju-ho is the lead?”
I answered by slowly nodding while staring blankly down at the disconnected phone.
Hyung made a fuss, asking if I should get a latest-model luxury sedan instead of a used car. It seemed Hyung accepted the news much faster than I did.
Saying I had to go because there was a meeting with the production company immediately, I hurriedly packed my things and stood up, yet I still felt dazed.
But for something like this, the brain’s realization was unnecessary.
My steps quickened as I slung the cross-bag over my shoulder and exited the officetel hallway. The face reflected Read on Read BL Novelsin the shiny elevator doors was glowing brightly.
I gripped the strap of the cross-bag crossing my chest tightly. The faces of people waiting for a play to begin in a theater hall. The uncontrollable, pure joy when facing something one truly loves. Such a light was flowing from me now.
What more could I need? Even if I didn’t feel the reality, my body was already reacting.
It felt suffocating to sit still in the back seat of the taxi. As I took several deep breaths, I felt the driver’s glancing gaze, perhaps thinking I was someone with some worry.
I leaned my elbow on the bottom of the car window and rested my chin on my hand. Even as I tried to calm my heart by looking at the scenery outside the window, it wasn’t easy. Laughter kept leaking out from within my covered hand.
It was a sense of fulfillment accompanied by a thrill, the first time I had felt it since coming to Seoul and becoming an actor.
Before… I had felt a similar sensation.
There was a time in Paelli when I used to linger around the theater troupes of Naples. Since I was learning work at ‘Mio Palazzo’ after finishing high school, it was impossible to become a formal member. I had to be satisfied with contributing a little to putting a play on stage by helping the prop production team from time to time. Being able to watch the actors’ rehearsals occasionally and becoming a practice partner for memorizing lines was also one of the joys.
Anyway, at that time, there was one instance where I experienced the stage.
I was given the opportunity to stand in as a substitute for an actor who had fought severely with the director and left without permission. It was possible because several people in the troupe knew that I had memorized all the lines of the work.
Even then, I thought I had settled my heart regarding acting.
That I could be satisfied with just helping the work while hanging out with the troupe people. I had concluded that it was more important to be a source of strength by my mother’s side, and I believed there was no hesitation in that.
But when I received the call asking if I could stand on stage, I felt that I was alive. [unauthorized copy]I had to face the fact that my thirst and lingering attachment for theater had not disappeared, but that I had simply been denying them.
The body and mind react first with a thrill. In the face of something one truly loves, one cannot even deceive oneself.
While retracing old memories, the taxi drew closer to the lodging. The public parking lot where he had left his car was just ahead. Since he couldn’t attend a contract meeting dressed for a Pilates studio, he planned to stop by the lodging to change clothes before heading to the meeting venue.
As the threads of time unspooled, more memories began to unravel.
When I first received the call asking if I could stand on that stage, I was in a state of excitement. The first person I rushed to tell the news to wasn’t my mother or my siblings. That choice had been surprising even to me at the time, but it wasn’t a decision made after long deliberation. Before my thoughts could even reach a conclusion, my feet were already carrying me toward that child.
Someone who seemed as happy—no, perhaps happier—than I was, simply because I was joyful.
The face of that child, with whom I had spent only a few days, had grown blurry by now, but I still remembered the bright vitality of a face that had absorbed my happiness with its entire being.
Because they were someone who had to leave, I kept the parting in mind, letting time slip away even as I spent it with them. So that it wouldn’t hurt after they were gone.
Nevertheless, the emotions and the connection from that time remained vivid. Much like how the sorrow of being scolded is remembered more clearly than the actual reason for the scolding.
After changing into neat clothes, I met Jae-woo and got into the car. Jae-woo, who had been excited during our phone call, now looked visibly nervous. Although the general manager of UB was scheduled to come directly to the Wellmade office, it was Jae-woo’s first time attending a contract meeting since his promotion to team leader, so his nerves were understandable.
Lost in our own thoughts, we headed toward the Wellmade office in silence.
Drinking the bottled water Jae-woo had prepared to calm the excitement and anticipation swelling in my chest like a hot air balloon—along with a hint of anxiety—my thoughts drifted to him. I wanted to tell him this news as soon as possible.
Just as my body had reacted before my reason could perceive it, just as the past version of me had rushed toward that child without realizing it, the fact that [visit our site]his face and name were the first to come to mind in the face of good news was independent of my will.
My fingers itched to hold my phone, but I wanted to be cautious until the contract was signed and everything was certain.
UB and the production company had already reached a general agreement on the contract terms over the phone. The meeting was for final adjustments and the final signing of the contract.
The conditions were so good that I had no reason to raise any objections.
Perhaps because it was a role with significant screen time and a project with a planned budget of over 20 billion won, the details—not just the appearance fee, but also the filming environment and the obligations and welfare during the subsequent promotion period—were arranged in a way that was relatively favorable to the actor.
The process seemed to move quickly and smoothly until the signing, yet by the time I left the office escorted by the production staff, the long summer sun was just beginning to melt into a sunset in the western sky.
The production side had suggested entertainment after the meeting. However, since the contract had been sudden, the general manager and Jae-woo still had to manage the schedules of other actors. This was a relief for me. Under the guise of “entertainment,” I had few pleasant memories of drinking sessions with production people I wouldn’t even encounter during filming.
It was difficult to drink comfortably in front of gazes that explored “Actor Jeong Ji-in in private” with raw curiosity. Once they became bold from alcohol, a barrage of questions about the “truth of rumors circulating in the entertainment industry” invariably followed—most of which were stories I had never even heard before.
Consequently, by the time the drinking party ended, the evaluation of “Jeong Ji-in in private” usually became that he was a boring guy who didn’t know how to have fun, or an arrogant guy who didn’t mingle with non-celebrities.
Due to this personality, attending drinking sessions for networking didn’t yield much benefit. I was lucky if I didn’t fall out of favor with some high-ranking official for killing the mood. I occasionally wondered what kind of networking Hyung-soo—who seemed to have no talent for flattering people in a different way than I did—was doing at such gatherings.
Only after sitting in the backseat of the car driven by Jae-woo could I breathe a sigh of relief and satisfy my hunger with a roll of kimbap. Until then, I hadn’t even realized I was hungry.
Once I had quickly finished the kimbap and a bottle of water, my body, which had been tightly wound with tension, finally seemed to soften.
“On a day like today, we should have a glass of soju. What are we going to do about Read on Read BL Novelsstyle="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[stolen content]this disappointment, Hyung?”
Jae-woo said, glancing at me through the rearview mirror.
“Let’s set a date soon and meet up with Ga-yoon, the three of us. You’re going to struggle with the drama for the next few months, so I’ll buy you something delicious. Something expensive.”
“Then this time, I’ll eat something expensive with a light heart.”
Watching Jae-woo’s reliable shoulders as he laughed like a mischievous child, contrary to his size, I let out a small chuckle as well.
The further we got from the Wellmade office, the more livable things felt. Once I felt comfortable, the thought of contacting him reared its head again. However, once the initial intense excitement subsided, I hesitated, wondering if it would be an overstep.
Officially, we were still just people who slept together. I won’t deny that more things had begun to pass between us than that.
But I felt that reporting every little change in my circumstances might be like suddenly pretending to be lovers.
Since Wellmade said they would distribute materials to the press immediately, the articles would have been released by now anyway. He might already know. He was someone who followed my SNS account and checked magazine pictorial articles before I even told him.
I decided not to overthink it. This time, I wanted him to hear it directly from me.
But before I could contact him, a call came in from Tae-yoon. Before I could even answer “Hello,” an excited voice poured rapidly through the phone.
[Hey, Actor Jeong! When you have such great news, you should report it quickly. Why make me find out through an article? No, wait, that’s not what’s important right now. What is this? Huh? Does this mean I’m now destined to be the best friend of a Hallyu star? I’m so excited I can’t focus on work, what do I do?]
Tae-yoon’s rambling made me laugh.
[The article probably hasn’t even been out for ten minutes. Are you my stalker?]
[I heard it from Ga-yoon. She told me not to bother you since you were going to sign the contract, so I waited until the article dropped to call… No, that’s not important. Come to the shop around closing time. I’ll make you something delicious. How can we just let a day like today pass? What do you want to eat?]
While we were talking, the car was approaching the lodging. Jae-woo stopped the car in front of the franchise coffee shop where he always dropped me off and pressed the button to open the rear door. I waved to Jae-woo and stepped out of the car. The sun had set considerably by then, but the air was still humid.
[No, I should buy. You helped me pick out the housewarming gift last time, so I’ll buy this time.]
[I have to stay on the good side of someone who’s going to be a top star. Don’t pay back your debts; just put them all on my tab. So that you can’t pretend not to know me after you blow up. Eating out will only make you self-conscious. You’ll be the center of attention now that the article is out. Come to the shop. Let’s have a drink together for the first time in a while.]
[Then I’ll buy some good snacks and alcohol. You’ll be tired after work, so don’t prepare anything separately.]
As soon as I ended the call, my phone vibrated in my hand, almost as if Tae-yoon had passed the baton. I flinched like someone who had committed a crime and hurried to check the number on the screen.
There was no need to deceive myself about whose contact I was waiting for, or why I felt a sense of disappointment upon confirming the sender was Ian.
It had been so long since I felt this way. Feeling awkward at my own unfamiliar behavior, I let out a small, solitary chuckle. I took off my jacket, draped it over my arm, and checked Ian’s message. It said he had arrived home, so to contact him if I needed anything.
Suddenly, a deep sense of fatigue washed over me. I hurried my steps, wanting to change into comfortable clothes, lie on the bed, and make a call.
As I was taking off my shoes at the entrance, Hyung-soo opened his room door and came out. It was nearly 8 PM, and he looked disheveled, as if he had just woken up.
“Were you home?”
“Now… I’m about to wash up and go out. Where did you go, Hyung?”
“I went to work out—”
I stopped mid-sentence as I stepped into the living room. I was reluctant to share this news in front of someone whose things weren’t going well, but he would find out one way or another. Unnecessary consideration could actually hurt his pride more. Since we lived in the same house, it would be unnatural for him to find out through an article or from someone else.
“Hyung-soo, I’ve been cast in
“……”
Holding the handle of the half-open bathroom door, Hyung-soo looked at me in silence for a moment. Then, he let out a small laugh and brushed back his bedhead hair.
“But why are you saying it so seriously? It’s a good thing. Congratulations.”
His congratulations didn’t seem fake, but his face looked complicated in many ways. Perhaps it looked that way more because his face was haggard.
“Uh… yeah. Thanks. I was going to buy you dinner, but if you’re going out, I’ll buy it next time.”
“You’ll buy something expensive, right? Can we go to a hotel buffet or something?”
“You can have a course meal at a French restaurant.”
“That sounds too much like a date.”
Watching Hyung-soo’s back as he gave another weak smile and disappeared into the bathroom, I turned around. I needed a bit of rest. I went into my room, tossed my jacket onto the chair, and flopped down on the bed. Feeling a fatigue as if I had been away from home for days, I massaged the back of my neck and called Ian.
After a slightly glitchy connection tone mixed with some noise, I could hear Ian’s voice.
[Was the trip fun?]
[It’s a place I go all the time, so. Is there anything special?]
Despite saying that, his voice was cheerful, suggesting he had enjoyed it quite a bit.
[Still, the feeling is different if the person you go with is different.]
[Did Jung Yui tell you?]
He joked that he could guess just by hearing my voice without anyone telling him, and told me not to underestimate my brother’s intuition. But more than four years had already passed since we lived apart. The twins, who were twenty when I came to Korea, were now twenty-four, and in the meantime, they were gradually becoming people I didn’t know well as they experienced, chose, and achieved many things.
Hearing summarized news from a distance was different from sharing a life. Every time I heard new news from them, I paradoxically felt the fact that I was becoming increasingly separated from my family.
[There’s a bookshelf in my room. Not the one by the window, but the one with drawers at the bottom. In the bottom drawer, there’s a dark green box.]
[I know it, that junk box?]
[Could you call it a treasure chest, little brother?]
Ian’s pleasant laughter overlapped with the sound of slippers dragging across a tiled floor.
[There should be a black notebook inside. A notebook with a leather cover, and there’s a note tucked inside the front cover. If it’s not there… could you just rummage through the box? It’s a small note with an email address on it. Please take a photo of it and send it to me.]
[A note? Got it. I just got out of the shower, so I’ll take a photo and send it soon.]
I wondered if I should mention being cast in
After ending the call, I leaned my upper body back from my sitting position and flopped horizontally across the bed. Because there were many people relative to the size of the space, all the beds in the lodging were bunk beds. If I lay straight, I could see the bottom of the bed above my head.
Turning onto my side, I unlocked my phone screen.
For some reason, I felt like whenever I tried to contact him, other contacts kept intervening and interrupting.
While I was typing a message asking if he was available to talk, he called me. A silly laugh escaped me, feeling as if we had connected. Finding it ridiculous that I was enjoying myself by finding absurd meaning in such a trivial thing, I raised my arm to cover my eyes and answered the phone.
[I was about to contact you first.]
I didn’t bother trying to hide the amusement leaking through my voice.
[Then I should have waited a little longer. I lost out because I lacked patience. You’ve never called me first, Hyung.]
Listening to his playful voice, intentionally putting emphasis on the syllable ‘Hyung,’ I pulled my legs, which had been dangling off the bed, up onto the mattress. I pulled the pillow under my cheek and curled up on the narrow bed since I was lying horizontally.
[That’s because I didn’t want to disturb your work.]
[To say that, I feel like I was always the one sending messages first… but since you say so, I’ll believe you.]
I didn’t know if he intended to keep calling me Hyung, but for now, it was clearly part of a prank to make me smile. And since I was indeed continuing to chuckle foolishly, his joke had worked perfectly.
[I was in a meeting, so I just heard the news. You’re available to talk, right?]
[I finished the contract and now… I’m home.]
Whether he was moving somewhere, I could feel a slightly fast pace in his breathing. The vibration of the air was mixing in like noise. The sound of a not-too-heavy door opening and closing followed, and then the resonance was cut off.
[Hmm, let me guess. As soon as you left the meeting room, you were reported about my casting article, and you called me immediately while walking down the hallway… and you just entered your office, right?]
Just by listening closely, I could roughly map out his movements. I tried to elaborate more on the situation appearing before my eyes.
[And probably the office… has a structure with glass walls and a glass door.]
[Where are you? Are you in my office?]
At his voice, joking without laughter, I giggled again and buried my face in the pillow.
[If you’re watching me from somewhere, come out. Don’t just laugh.]
Only then did he burst into laughter. Seeing how the two of us were so happy while exchanging words that anyone else would call pointless chatter… it was certain that we were getting closer to a romantic relationship.
[Isn’t it a role you wanted desperately? You seem too calm. I think I’m more excited than you are.]
His voice, with a hint of laughter remaining, was pleasant to hear.
[It’s just my personality… it doesn’t show, but inside, I’m very, very excited. Now that the tension has released, I’m feeling sleepy too… It’s past 8, but it seems Yi-han is still working.]
[Hmm…]
As if he didn’t believe my claim of being excited, he let out a sigh full of doubt and posed another question instead of answering mine.
[What’s your schedule for today?]
[I don’t have any special plans. I’m meeting a friend tomorrow morning, so until then… just skimming through the script at home?]
My voice became languid as drowsiness washed over me. I adjusted the pillow for more comfort and pressed the phone close to my ear.
Bunk beds had the disadvantage of feeling narrower than they actually were because of the pillars at every corner, but they had the advantage of a coziness, like being tucked into a cave or a tent. Even with the fluorescent lights on, the light was blocked when I lay in bed, making it moderately dark.
Listening to his low, smooth voice with its comfortable resonance, I felt my eyes starting to close. I felt like on nights when I couldn’t sleep in the future, I could just call him and ask him to let me hear his voice. Though, since he’s a busy person, I probably wouldn’t actually make such a request.
[You’re meeting a friend in the morning?]
[It’s a place called a midnight diner… do you happen to know it? It’s a restaurant that operates from dawn until morning. They close at 10, so we decided to meet then and have a drink. To celebrate the casting…]
[Hmm…]
This time, it was a groan as if he were anxiously calculating something in his head. After a short pause, he spoke again with a light sigh.
[I tried to secure some time somehow… but I don’t think I can leave work before 11. I really want to see your face and congratulate you today… can I go after work? I’ll just stop by briefly to see your face.]
[You don’t have to go that far. You’ll be tired. We can celebrate the next time we meet.]
[That’s how ordinary people celebrate.]
[……]
[Anyway, I want to be the first one to congratulate you.]
Whether he was embarrassed by what he had just said, or regretting it, he quickly changed the subject.
The corners of my mouth tingled. Perhaps because I was listening to his voice, my sense of hearing and the sensitivity of my ears seemed to heighten. A light shiver ran down my shoulders, the nape of my neck, and the back of my ears.
As I rolled over to the other side and brought the phone to my other ear, the vibration sounded twice in short bursts. It was likely a notification that a message from Ian had arrived. Outside the door, it sounded like Hyung-soo was leaving the bathroom and heading into his own room.
[I already heard congratulations from that younger brother of yours.]
[Did you get a bouquet? Or maybe a gift? Greetings that are just words shouldn’t count as congratulations. I want to be the first to give you a real celebration.]
He truly had a talent for making me laugh. Even as I buried my face in the pillow and laughed silently, he remained perfectly serious. I didn’t intend to tell him just yet, but in moments like this, he was… kind of cute.
[It really only takes five minutes. You can give me five minutes, right?]
He was delicate enough to take care of things I didn’t even notice myself, yet why couldn’t he fathom that seeing each other for a mere five minutes before parting could be a regrettable thing for me as well?
I cleared my throat and fiddled with the soft fabric of the pillow’s edge.
[I think I’ll be buying a car soon.]
[……]
[Once I have a car, I’ll be the one to go to where you are in times like this, Yi-han.]
[……]
[Are you speechless with emotion?]
Sigh. He let out a sweet sigh. Perhaps he had collapsed his upper body and was resting his cheek on the desk. If my guess was correct, I only hoped his team members wouldn’t see him like that. Purely for the sake of his dignity as a Team leader.
[Just imagining you driving yourself to come see me… it feels too good.]
[I don’t know if it’ll be exactly as you imagine, but for today, you come to me, Yi-han. If you’re not too tired… you can stay longer than five minutes before you leave.]
The words I spoke felt embarrassing. If Tae-yoon heard this, he might get a stern look on his face and ask who the hell I was. It was a side of me that no one around me, not even myself, had expected, but I didn’t want to leave the role of driving the relationship solely to him. I wanted to let him know that I was equally attracted to him and wanted to secure time together.
[I have great stamina. I’m not tired enough to be stopped by finishing work at 11. I’ll call you when I leave. You sound tired, so get some rest.]
The call ended with his now-calmed voice.
Even though I couldn’t hear him, I could picture his face smiling. My own expression wasn’t much different. I wiped away a look that Seo-hae Hyung would have surely teased me for, saying I was ‘head over heels,’ and opened the message window with Ian.
《I found this in Hyung’s treasure box too~~ Can I keep it in my room? Your smiling face looks so good.》
In addition to what I had asked for, one more photo was attached. It was a Polaroid Yui had taken of me with Times Square in the background on my first day in New York. The twins had traveled to New York several times before, but since it was my first visit, it was a solo shot taken as a memento.
Because the Polaroid had spent a long time in the box and the photo had been taken again with a phone camera, the quality was terrible.
Nevertheless, I could tell that I was smiling brightly in the photo. With a face turned ghost-white from excessive light reflection, I was beaming with the quintessential excitement of a tourist—watching a play on Broadway, touring unique galleries in southern Manhattan and the Chelsea area, and having a hot dog for lunch on a Central Park bench.
To shake off the dark thoughts, I pressed back to exit the zoomed-in photo. I didn’t want to tarnish today, which was essentially the best day of the last few years, with some gloomy past.
I touched the second file Ian sent. It was the photo of the note I had requested.
“……”
Lying down, I slowly pushed myself up.
As I zoomed in and checked it meticulously several times, my breathing unconsciously became ragged.
Holding the phone, I got off the bed and pulled out the sneaker box again. I opened the lid and took out the memo he had left in Bangkok. My fingertips were trembling slightly. I struggled to unfold the note with one hand that wasn’t functioning properly. I could have just put the phone down and used both hands, but I was in such a state of confusion that I couldn’t even think of that simple solution.
No matter how many times I double-checked, everything matched perfectly, down to the position of the dots between the words.
int.heb.eginn.ingthe.rew.asyou@gmail.com
In the beginning there was you.
I didn’t know the meaning of that grandiose phrase. Nor was the meaning the important part.
The fact that the owners of the two emails were the same. There seemed to be no room for doubt. However, the absence of doubt did not mean I could immediately accept the phenomenon before my eyes.
That those two people were the same person.
What were the odds of such a thing happening?
Even if the memory had faded, the boy in my memory wasn’t the type of personality who could skillfully make a move, or lead a date and a sexual encounter in that manner. I could even less imagine that boy acting so comfortably—bordering on sly—toward me.
Leaning my back against the wall, I wiped my face with my hand several times.
Yes, that boy was certainly handsome. He did have a great body built through exercise.
But memories from seven years ago weren’t of much help. The face of the boy in my memory had a much more youthful, boyish atmosphere than the current him, and his gaze and smile reminded me of an unripe green apple.
A ‘boyish immaturity’—not knowing how to handle his own existence or his own emotions. That was the clearest image I held of that boy.
The same went for the body that had changed my preferences. While he was solidly muscular, he didn’t have a physique as large as the current him, who brought to mind a combat sports athlete.
Right, seven years had passed since he was twenty, closer to a boy. He would have graduated college, entered society, and perhaps gone to the military in between. In that time, he could have become more masculine. It was entirely possible. It wasn’t rare to find men in their twenty-sevens who already had the vibe of an older man. The transition from twenty to twenty-seven was that kind of time. The scope of growth was different from that of thirty to thirty-seven.
Then why didn’t he acknowledge me in Bangkok?
Could it be… that he had been resentful that I never sent an email?
But the way he treated me after our reunion was far from resentment.
I shook my head. I brushed back my hair, only to mess it up further. The more I thought about it, the less clear the situation became.
I had considered the meeting in Bangkok as the start of our relationship, but if that was a moment of reunion rather than a first meeting…
The reason why he was aggressive when seducing me at the bar, yet seemed hesitant when standing before my hotel room door. The ambiguous expression, as if he wasn’t sure if he was looking forward to sleeping with me or not. Even the skinship, which was quite affectionate for someone dealing with a one-night stand…
『“Where were you? Who has done this for you until now? Were you satisfied?”』
Those weren’t just meaningless words spat out in a state of delirium at the peak of pleasure.
『“I wonder how many ‘Darlings’ you’ve had until now.”』
It wasn’t a comment made because he had a preference for showing jealousy and possessiveness even toward a one-night partner. It was likely his sincere feeling.
Darling—because that was the safe word I had used during my time with him in the past, and one I had never used a single time since.
If so, he must have recognized me from the start. Assuming that, many things became clear. Not just the first day in Bangkok. The words, actions, and expressions he had shown since the reunion. The meaning of everything became completely new.
Once I confirmed that the boy of the past and the man of the present were the same person, light goosebumps broke out on my back, sides, and forearms. Rubbing my hair-raising arms, I looked down at the two email addresses in my hand.
How am I supposed to react now? Should I be glad to see him? Does the fact that he didn’t bring up the past despite recognizing me mean that he doesn’t want the ‘past me’?
I couldn’t be sure of anything. Because I had never once sent an email to this address in my hand.
“……”
The memo from Bangkok was simply written in a more scribbled, more adult-looking handwriting; there was no problem seeing it as written by the same person. It was just a difference of whether it was written with more composure or not.
As a traveler, the past him had said he planned to stay in Paelli for about fifteen days. But in reality, the number of times we met was far fewer than that. It was only a handful.
The childish sense of superiority I felt watching him avoid my eyes, his ears and neck turning red; the heart that beat fast while keeping him—someone I could have had just by reaching out—by my side; the plaza where he chased after the guy who called me ‘Vino da Tavola’; the creaking of the old hotel bed where he stayed… The impressions and emotions of those fragmentary scenes were still vivid, but the detailed memories of each one had become too faint.
Because I, who was more accustomed to a defensive attitude, had thought we would never meet again.
“Hyung. Hyung, come out for a second.”
I had been sucked deep into a whirlpool of thought. I only belatedly noticed the commotion outside the door and Hyung-soo knocking. Startled, like someone who had been watching an erotic video in their room, I hurriedly got up and opened the door.
“Uh… uh… why, what’s up?”
Because I flung the door open, Hyung-soo, who was standing in front of it, stepped back in surprise and widened his eyes. Then he pointed toward the entrance.
“I think someone came to see you.”
“……”
The man holding a bright, colorful bouquet was a stranger. The unknown man bowed politely.
“Hello. The Team leader sent this.”
“Ah… yes… hello.”
Reflexively bowing back, I hesitantly approached the man.
The man, wearing a suit that was neat and clean visit our siteunauthorized copyclass="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">stolen content]visit our site -->but gave off a uniform-like vibe, was a likable handsome man, but his impression was strangely blurred.
Perhaps he was the person who had brought condoms to the hotel room, or the person who had been waiting to drive when I left the ‘Piano’ after a meal. Thinking that made it awkward to look him straight in the eye. I accepted the bouquet with an awkward demeanor.
The man, who didn’t even offer a congratulatory greeting on the Team leader’s behalf, bowed once more and left without a word.
After the door lock automatically engaged, Hyung-soo and I looked at each other as if by appointment.
“Who was that? He came like the wind and vanished like the wind.”
I gave a short laugh in agreement with Hyung-soo’s bewildered mumbling and unconsciously lowered my face to smell the flowers. A bright and soft scent wafted from the bouquet, where various types of flowers were harmoniously blended.
Since we agreed to see each other after work, he could have given them to me personally then. Did he send the flowers in advance for fear that someone else might beat him to it?
If it had been me just a few hours ago, I would have chuckled at such a thought. But now, from Bangkok until now, I no longer knew what thoughts he had while being with me.
“Who… sent those? That guy didn’t look like a flower delivery employee.”
Hyung-soo asked with curiosity, standing beside me as I rummaged through the kitchen looking for a vase.
There was no way a residence equipped only with basic necessities would have a flower vase. In the end, what I found in the cupboard were two long tumblers.
“A friend… I knew in Italy… seems to have sent them. We happened to meet at an event recently.”
That was the lie I had hurriedly told Jae-woo when I encountered him again at the Nox Hotel event and moved to the room upstairs. A friend I knew unauthorized [Read on Read BL Novels]copyin Italy. stolen contentThinking that this was no longer a lie made me let out a hollow laugh.
“Must be a rich friend.”
“Uh… seems so.”
I put the small card envelope tucked between the blooms into my back pocket and spread the bouquet across the narrow counter. Meanwhile, Hyung-soo took a can of beer from the fridge. Leaning against the refrigerator while drinking, he spoke in a grumpy tone.
“A while ago, I was called to a drinking party by someone… most of the faces were strangers. Well, most drinking parties are like that. While we were drinking, some guy mentioned it was his birthday yesterday. Hearing that, another guy made a call and had a cake and champagne brought immediately. It was around 1 AM. He said he was the son or grandson of some school foundation chairman…”
As if he really disliked the person, Hyung-soo continued, mixing in a few curse words to badmouth him, and took another refreshing gulp of beer.
“Anyway, he went to college abroad, and even there, he lived with a housekeeper and a driver. Ha, I thought only chaebols lived like that. He’s an American citizen too; if he’s American, he should live in America, I don’t know why he comes to Korea to make money.”
Working in this industry, one naturally had many opportunities to encounter wealthy people. From the people invited to luxury brand events, most were immense fortunes or their children. It wasn’t hard to meet people who had already achieved social success before thirty.
Among them, there were certainly those with truly outstanding abilities, but it was hard to deny that powerful economic support, which allowed them to receive better education in a better environment, was the foundation of that ability.
Whether he was a foreigner by nationality or not, I felt that he too would be classified by Hyung-soo as ‘a guy who met the right parents and lives life easily.’ Perhaps even I could be an object of resentment for Hyung-soo. Even though I was adopted, my mother gave me complete love, and it was true that I grew up without economic lack.
As I placed one of the two tumblers on the dining table, Hyung-soo walked over and examined it for a long time as if it were a strange object.
“There are so many poor people in the world, but there are also so many rich people. Right?”
I put the trimmed stems and the bouquet wrapping in the trash and looked back at Hyung-soo. He was fiddling with a petal with a bitter expressi[unauthorized copy]on. It was more of a monologue than a question expecting an answer from me.
We weren’t in a relationship where we knew each other’s family circumstances in detail. But I knew that the reason Hyung-soo worked so hard at a sales position that didn’t suit his personality wasn’t just to buy luxury clothes.
“Looks like you have a shoot today.”
The words I brought up to change the subject were meager.
“How did you know?”
I had noticed because he was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, unlike his usual outings where he dressed somewhat suggestively, but I didn’t say it explicitly. While tossing the empty beer can into the recycling bag, Hyung-soo continued.
“It’s just a minor role, almost an extra, but I have one line today. Though it might get cut in editing.”
Giving a bitter smile, he went to the entrance and sat down to put on his Converse sneakers.
Before my official debut, I too had to wander through auditions and minor roles just like the current Hyung-soo. But since I had been cast in a work called
“It’ll probably be an overnight shoot today.”
“I’ll be out meeting a friend in the morning, so I probably won’t be home.”
“From the morning? Ah… that Hyung who runs the sea bream or tuna restaurant.”
The name of Tae-yoon’s restaurant,
“Later… someone might stop by the place for a bit. Would that be okay?”
Stopping his hands from tying the laces, he looked back with wide eyes. Since I had never brought anyone over, it was natural for him to be puzzled. Whether I would meet him after work as planned was currently opaque, but it seemed better to ask for understanding in advance just in case.
“They’ll just be in my room for a bit and then leave, but since it’s a house we live in together, I thought I should ask.”
Hyung-soo shook his head and started tying his laces again.
“Why ask about every little thing? As long as they don’t come into my room, I don’t care.”
Suddenly, Hyung-soo’s worn-out sneakers caught my eye. Hyung-soo wasn’t very good at tying his laces; the bows were always backward. Someone probably hadn’t taught him how to tie them properly when he was a child.
“Looking at you like this, Hyung, you really are like a prince. It makes me wonder if this is what a proper upbringing looks like… I don’t have anyone like you around me.”
Pushing himself up from the floor, the guy laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, as if embarrassed by his own words. Just as I was about to turn away while watching his back as he unlocked the door, Hyung-soo’s voice caught my shoulder.
“Hyung, by any chance, this role…”
“Huh?”
When I looked back, he was holding the half-open door and looking at me. Then, he soon smiled and shook his head.
“Nothing. Just… even if you become visit our sitea superstar, [stolen contentclass="wm" style="opacity:0;font-size:1px;user-select:all;">unauthorized copy]don’t forget your roommate from your struggling days.”
With that, he disappeared outside the door without a hint of lingering.
Standing awkwardly with the remaining tumbler in my hand, I turned and went back to my room. I placed the flowers on the table I used as a desk and looked down at the floor.
The open box, the note, and the phone remained exactly where they were.
I went back to the kitchen and grabbed the half-bottle of wine and a glass. It was impossible to summon the courage while sober.
Sliding my back against the wall, I sank to the floor and pulled the card from my back pocket. Only after swallowing a few sips of wine did I open the envelope. The writing on the small card, about half the size of a palm, was definitely his.
Congratulations on the casting.
Let’s watch the first episode’s broadcast together. (If you don’t have a schedule then)
See you later. I’ll get there as fast as I can.
If this had been a few hours ago, I would surely be smirking while staring at these three lines. I might have teased him via message, asking if flower delivery wasn’t a bit too cliché of an event.
I put the card down and accessed my email on my phone. I slowly typed that familiar email address into the recipient field. That alone made my heart start to race violently. I stared at the blinking cursor in the content field, repeatedly emptying my glass of wine.
My mind was still a mess. But if I were to leave the situation as it was, I would have to contact him immediately to cancel today’s appointment, or meet him in this state and act as if I didn’t know.
I didn’t like either option, nor did I have the confidence to endure it. Therefore, I had to let him [stolen content]stolen content -->data-wm="visit our site" style="display:none;" aria-label="visit our site">visit our siteknow. That I, too, had remembered now.
Hi.
It’s been seven years.
No… we saw each other yesterday, so is it just one day?
You recognized me, didn’t you?
Do you not resent me? Or are you staying by my side even while resenting me now?
I’m afraid to hear the answer.
At times, the content grew to over twenty lines. Thinking it was futile, I deleted everything and rewrote it dozens of times.
The wine I was drinking ran out, so I took a new bottle from the kitchen cabinet. I had to drink two more glasses of wine to squeeze out the courage to press send.
In my memories, he was always wearing jeans and a t-shirt, smiling shyly at me.
His earlobes and face would redden easily, and his lips had trembled during our first kiss. The memory of comforting him with my clumsy knowledge while he was confused about his tendencies was still vivid.
To think that such a young man would grow into a man who boldly seduced me, lectured me on the dangers of sex without a contract, and unabashedly expressed his desire not to lose me…
Even when I tried to read the script, the words wouldn’t sink [unauthorized copy]style="position:absolute;left:-9999px;font-size:0;">[unauthorized copy]in. All I had eaten all day was a single roll of kimbap, but I wasn’t [unauthorized copy]even hungry. Even as I drank the wine, my mind didn’t loosen in the slightest.
Unlike usual, my phone—which I had set to ring for notifications—rang about 30 minutes after I sent the email.
Staring blankly at the screen announcing his incoming call, I swallowed a sip of wine and connected the call.
[……]
There was no sound from the other end of the phone.
That alone told me he had checked the email and called.
Only the sound of dry lips parting as if to say something and the sound of a faint sigh continued thinly.
After a long while, he broke the silence with a breath that sounded like he was inhaling.
[Suddenly… how did you know?]
I answered while fiddling with the memo he had left behind in Bangkok.
[I still had the email address you gave me in Paelli.]
[……]
[And the note you left in Bangkok.]
A groan leaked from him, like the pain of slowly stabbing a very deep wound. Frowning at the groan that made me feel the pain myself, I added with difficulty:
[I found out today… that those addresses matched.]
Silence followed again. To find even a slightly more positive feeling from the other person, we both had our senses on high alert.
Would it have been easier to convey emotions if we were in front of each other? While I bit my lower lip with that regret, his sigh was heard once more. It felt as if a light breath was touching my hair and forehead.
[……I’m in front of your house now.]
[……]
I looked up at the desk clock on the table. It was a little past 10 o’clock. A person who said it would be difficult to leave work before 11 was in front of my house now. After hanging up the phone, I unconsciously fumbled for the alcohol.
It was certain that he had checked the letter as soon as I sent it and rushed over immediately. Otherwise, he couldn’t have been here within 30 minutes of the email being sent.
Setting the empty glass on the floor, I stepped outside.
Standing in the narrow space of the landing in front of the front door, I looked down at him in the alley. He was leaning his back against the wall of the house opposite the alley, looking up this way.
He had his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and although he was wearing a tie, the knot was loose, and the top button of his shirt was undone. He wasn’t even holding his jacket, having left it somewhere. His hair, which had always been neat as if touched by a professional even when not in a suit, had fallen to cover his forehead. He looked more disheveled than ever before.
He didn’t budge even as I walked down the stairs and opened the main gate. With [visit our site]both hands thrust into his pants pockets and leaning loosely against the [visit our site[stolen content]te;left:-9999px;">]wall, he just watched me. Since he didn’t seem to have any intention of approaching, I dragged my slippers closer.
“Thanks for the flowers.”
“……”
I was the one who drank, but his eyes were hazy and moist. Perhaps it was because of the orange streetlamp illuminating the alley from a distance of about two houses.
I had thought about acting lighthearted, as if it were no big deal. Wow, to think Yi-han was that person. I guess we were meant to be. How have you been? You’ve changed beyond recognition. Did you get taller too? If you recognized me, why didn’t you say so from the start… something like that.
But the situation had already flowed beyond the point where I could do that. Nor was I the type of personality to do so.
While maintaining eye contact with me, he tapped the wall with the heel of his shoe.
“Yi-han… you recognized me from the start, didn’t you?”
“……”
“Then why… didn’t you say anything? If you had acknowledged me first, I would have…”
I swallowed the words recognized you immediately. Because somehow, it sounded like I was blaming him.
Stopping the tapping of his foot against the wall, he dropped his head low. With his lips tightly closed, he let out a deep sigh. His broad chest swelled and deflated greatly.
When he finally spoke after a long time, his voice was tight and cracked.
“No matter how I looked at it, it seemed like Jeong Ji-in didn’t remember. And there’s no need to… push past memories of the past onto someone who doesn’t remember.”
“It’s not that I didn’t remember, it’s that I… didn’t recognize you, Yi-han.”
“……”
While keeping his head down, he turned his face to the side to look at me.
“I remember. How we met, what we talked about, and what… we did.”
His eyes, which looked moist as if soaked in water, shook violently as he heard my words. As I tried to find the past version of him in his face as he bit his dry lips, I carefully pulled his arm.
“Let’s go inside and talk. Here is a bit…”
He followed me silently.
Because the space was narrow, he had to wait a couple of steps below while I opened the door lock. He didn’t seem particularly anxious or nervous. Rather… he reminded me of a discouraged child waiting to be scolded after being caught playing a mean prank.
As soon as I opened the front door, the bright scent of flowers that filled the narrow space rushed into my sense of smell.
“Come in.”
Taking off his shoes and stepping into the living room-cum-kitchen, he calmly looked around the space. His gaze swept over the dark brown room [visit our site]door with torn parts here and there, the magnetic delivery coupons stuck to the side of the refrigerator, and the crude curtains, finally stopping at the flowers placed in the tumbler on the dining table.
Before going into the room, I turned around and opened the cabinet to grab one more glass.
“I didn’t have a vase… so I put half in another tumbler and left them in my room.”
“I…”
As if how the bouquet was handled was outside his interest, he quickly brought up another topic.
“You sent the email knowing that the person back then was me, right?”
When I turned around with the glass, his face under the fluorescent light was as rough as his voice.
“Is it true that you remember everything?”
Nodding, I placed the glass on the counter.
“How should I take the fact that you remember? Jeong Ji-in… did you also…”
Shaking his head as if confused, he wiped his face broadly with his hand. Lowering his head deeply, he brushed back his falling hair several times.
“No matter how long I waited, the email didn’t come.”
“……”
“Even though I set notifications, I checked manually every day just in case… at some point, it just became a habit. It was a mailbox that had been empty for seven years… but… suddenly a notification came…”
For a moment, the profile of him rambling as if murmuring seemed to overlap with the him of the past.
I thought he might have waited for the email, but I didn’t know he would wait for seven years. A day or two, a week… at most a month. Because he was at an age where he would fall for someone quickly and forget just as quickly. I thought he would quickly shake off a short connection from a travel destination.
Not for his sake, but for my own—because I was afraid of the emotions of longing and pain—I had made such a cowardly excuse to myself for not sending the email.
Even while saying I wouldn’t send a letter, I couldn’t throw away the note with the address. I tried to forget because I felt it would be more painful the more I remembered in detail, yet I didn’t want to forget completely. I was contradictory throughout.
A short fling. A fairly cute and heartwarming memory that I could smile about whenever I looked back. While I tried to dismiss it as a light event and ignored my own feelings, I didn’t know he would be waiting for my email for seven years.
“I’m sor… for not sending the email…”
I had no intention of doing so, but my voice trembled. Flustered, I stopped speaking and bit my lower lip hard. I gripped the edge of the sink behind my back with force.
Slowly lifting his head, he approached me with slow steps. His long arms wrapped around me without hesitation. It really was that. It was closer to an act of enveloping than a hug. As if protecting me from danger, or as if covering me to hide me.
His warm lips touched right by my ear. The strength enveloping my entire torso, including my arms, grew stronger.
“You didn’t throw it away. The fact that you kept it… that you hadn’t forgotten me… that’s enough.”
It’s okay. It’s okay.
Rubbing his lips against my ear, he murmured repeatedly.
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