By Zephyria 
After finally giving up a piece of the distance he had guarded so fiercely, Won Gyu-oh began to push forward without hesitation. He was already a reckless guy, but now that he was charging in with intent, it was quite overwhelming.
“Now, listen.”
“I told you I don’t want to listen.”
Even if he covered his ears, he was helplessly swayed by the force pulling him down by the wrists.
“I’m different from those low-lifes—no, those guys you had a history with, Hyung.”
“…….”
“Anyway, my feelings are different from theirs. You absolutely must not confuse the two.”
With a deliberately serious expression, the boy dragged a chair close to the bed and sat down. If Min-ho covered himself with the blanket, Gyu-oh pulled it down; if he turned his back, Gyu-oh moved the chair to the other side to meet his eyes. When he just stared blankly at the ceiling, a low voice flowed into his ear.
“Listen. I’m actually being serious here.”
“…….”
“Do I not look serious? Should I write a blood oath?”
The boy, who looked ready to pull out a knife at any moment, suddenly bolted upright. Min-ho sighed and hurriedly tugged at Gyu-oh’s clothes.
“……You look serious. So, why on earth are you being serious?”
“Finally, you’re curious about the reason.”
Sitting back down, Gyu-oh grinned and held out his large hand. His index finger moved back and forth in front of Min-ho’s eyes to draw his attention.
“First. You don’t know how to cherish yourself. You don’t know how to be loved.”
“……What is this love talk.”
He tried to push away the fingers that had now increased to two, but they didn’t budge easily. Gyu-oh leaned his upper body in, bringing his face right in front of him.
“Second. No matter how much I think about it, there’s only me.”
“…….”
“Where else is there someone who knows you as well as I do? There isn’t, right?”
He was about to say something, but the excessive proximity choked the words in his throat. The scene of them kissing and the sensation of that hot flesh digging deep seemed to resurface.
He pushed the face that kept closing the distance away with his hand. Then, as he fiddled with his side—which didn’t even hurt—Gyu-oh didn’t approach recklessly like before.
“Answer honestly. Even if you meet other people, was there anyone who knew you as well as I do?”
Instead, the intensity of the interrogation grew. In particular, that sounded more like a threat than a question. It was the kind of tone that suggested something terrible would happen if he answered.
“You sound like you’d kill me if I said yes.”
“Maybe? Of course, I’d kill that person, not you, Hyung.”
“……Hah.”
“Lastly……”
As he kept his mouth shut, a body temperature overlapped the hand covering his side. He felt the illusion that the pain, which hadn’t even existed in the first place, was fading.
“I like you more than I thought.”
“…….”
“It’s not like I feel like I’ll die if I don’t see you, or that I can’t breathe because I miss you, or that I want to give you my entire fortune, so don’t feel pressured.”
He seems serious, but then he always pivots like that.
As he finally let out a hollow laugh at the added comment, the warmth gripping his hand pressed deeper. A firm grip digging between the joints. Not the scratchy bandages or the stiff patient gown, but skin with a hot warmth lingered on his palm. This temperature was certainly far from a light joke.
“But I do feel like I can’t be without you.”
“…….”
“Honestly, whether it’s Mu-gyeong Hyung, Won-jae Hyung-nim, Jae-hee, or Hong-ju. When I imagine us parting ways somehow, I think I could endure it. I’d miss them sometimes, but I think I could live. Thinking that they’ll be happy.”
The names he was listing were the people Gyu-oh had opened his heart to, despite not easily letting others in. Although he was a guy who liked to act friendly and mingle everywhere, he hadn’t formed serious relationships; he had only given his sincerity to them. That was a fact Min-ho knew well.
“I don’t think I can do that with you.”
“…….”
“I can’t even imagine us parting ways.”
And yet, Won Gyu-oh was saying that Cha Min-ho was different from them. The guy who seemed to give his heart away most carelessly, yet had the clearest boundaries, was saying that only Cha Min-ho was inside those boundaries. He slowly chewed over the words, which were almost like a confession.
Come to think of it, wasn’t it the same for him? That’s probably why, despite being crushed by trauma in the abandoned warehouse and unable to breathe properly, he had rushed in to save Won Gyu-oh. Even thinking about it again, he didn’t know where he found the courage.
If the same situation occurred, what choice would he make then?
“……Usually, people get closer after suffering together. And since you’re the one who brought me here personally, it’s even more so.”
Probably…… he would act the same.
However, he couldn’t define the root of his actions as something like love. Perhaps both Won Gyu-oh and he were confused because they had spent too much time in close proximity. After all, illusions are most likely to arise in one’s weakest moments.
“Maybe. That’s why I’m saying I’m not asking for anything grand right now.”
He meant that Min-ho shouldn’t view the change in their relationship as something monumental. Somehow, in those words where he stepped back a pace, Gyu-oh’s sincerity felt even larger.
As he stared at the ceiling without answering, the sensation of a hand gently scratching his palm continued. It tickled, so he instinctively tightened his grip.
“Even if this breaks, things can’t become awkward between you and me. I won’t let that happen.”
He couldn’t help but trust those words. Seeing how Gyu-oh continued to push forward without even giving him a gap to become awkward, it was clear he wouldn’t let that happen.
Gyu-oh tried to speak lightly to avoid putting too much pressure on him, but the more he did, the heavier Min-ho’s heart became. When there was no response, Gyu-oh stepped back once more, telling him to seriously consider their relationship.
What should he do? An ending was already being drawn in Min-ho’s mind. An ending that wasn’t even that happy. Anyone who poured their heart into someone like him, who had never received affection, would eventually grow exhausted. They would end up collapsing after staying by the side of Cha Min-ho, who didn’t even know how to return it properly.
He didn’t want to lose Won Gyu-oh so hollowly. But then again, if he ruined that guy, could he ever be happy?
“…….”
After Jae-hyeok walked out of the warehouse, the nightmares no longer visited. Nevertheless, Min-ho still couldn’t easily close his eyes at night and wandered through the dawn.
* * *
“Water?”
Gyu-oh, who he thought had fallen fast asleep while gaming, reacted keenly to the slightest toss and turn. Rubbing his sleepy eyes, he sat up with his hair completely disheveled.
“…….”
Min-ho’s movement, as he awkwardly pushed aside the blanket, stopped abruptly. Gyu-oh, unable to even open his eyes properly, stumbled over and brought a water bottle. After filling the empty tumbler, he let out a wide yawn and slid his hand under Min-ho’s lower back.
“Just lean on me.”
As he relaxed, Gyu-oh familiarly helped him sit up. He didn’t forget to check a few times if it put any strain on his side.
“Want something warm? The weather’s cold, so the water is chilly.”
Familiar kindness always carries a warm temperature. It was the time when the fleeting autumn had passed and the cold was deepening. A season where bare feet would cool down instantly if exposed, and water would remain ice-cold if left at room temperature.
Even on such days, Won Gyu-oh endured by lying on the sofa in one corner of the hospital room with a single blanket. Not only that, he had volunteered to be Min-ho’s hands and feet twenty-four hours a day.
“……I’m fine.”
“Here.”
Rather than wanting the relationship to change…… he felt that the old Won Gyu-oh would have naturally done this. Because the guy had always been devoted to him.
But lately, he really was confused. Was this Won Gyu-oh’s way of asking him to look back at him? How far would Won Gyu-oh go for him? Could he really keep all the promises he made? If that were true……
When the night deepened, judgment became blurred in the thick darkness. Min-ho swallowed the useless words that tried to escape his lips along with the water.
“Thank you. Go back to sleep.”
He tried to wipe his wet lips with the back of his hand, but Gyu-oh’s touch was faster. He brushed the corner of Min-ho’s mouth with his finger and nonchalantly winked.
“Yep.”
The guy, who roughly swept back his messy hair, gently laid him down again. Only after meticulously covering him with the blanket did Min-ho gaze for a long time at the back of the boy trudging back to the sofa.
“…….”
Was it because he was sick? Had he become so accustomed to being treated as a real patient just because he was lying in a hospital room? The thought that it might be okay to lean on that guy reared its head. He developed a greed to stay by the side of Won Gyu-oh, who was warm and kind, contrary to the aura he projected.
Eyes that sparkled whenever they met, even with a face full of fatigue. A large hand that always transferred warmth to his palm before he sat on a cold hospital chair.
He felt the thin wall he had built to avoid becoming weak was constantly wavering. It was strange. Won Gyu-oh wasn’t a storm that blew in frantically, so why was the wall collapsing so helplessly?
“Phew.”
As his thoughts continued to chain together, sleep gradually drifted away. In his vision, now accustomed to the dark, he saw Gyu-oh lying long on the sofa, covering his eyes with his arm. Looking at his chest rising and falling steadily, it seemed he had fallen asleep again.
“…….”
Since he hadn’t been able to properly rest or sleep since he regained consciousness, it was about time for fatigue to pile up. He stared at the long silhouette for a while, turned his back, then turned back again to stare for a long time. Min-ho tossed and turned in the darkness for a long while.
“Can’t sleep?”
His shoulders flinched at the sudden voice. Perhaps because it was the dead of night, Gyu-oh’s voice was very low, and the end of his words were dry and cracked. However, it wasn’t the sleepy tone from before.
“……Yeah.”
Was he not sleeping? Or perhaps he had noticed me stealing glances. I wondered what excuse I could make if he asked why I was staring. As I rolled my eyes, searching for a plausible lie, Gyu-oh suddenly sat up.
“That’s all because it’s cold.”
He tossed aside the blanket and walked straight toward the bed, his steps steady and unwavering. It was now certain that he hadn’t been asleep.
“I told you, you shouldn’t be alone in the winter.”
“…….”
“I didn’t mean you should just let anyone stay by your side, though.”
His pronunciation seemed to linger, as if he were holding back a laugh. I checked the corners of Gyu-oh’s mouth as he drew near. Sure enough, his lips were curved upward in a pleasant way. Now that I’d confirmed he was smiling, I should have looked away, but Min-ho kept his gaze fixed on Gyu-oh’s lips for quite a while.
“If you stare that intently, I’ll get the wrong idea.”
I hadn’t even realized I was staring so obviously.